I got a new suit and everything.

I shouldn't even be surprised at this stage. If you couldn't get it right after 3 tries, I doubted you'd be able to not fuck it up after 4. Why did you have to prove me right?

Shouldn't that be "let's"?

>>14495
>>14494
Oh fuck you both.

I'm off to bed.

>>14495
Ahahahahahahaha

>>14494
This.

>>14493
So why didn't you go to your interview?

>>14495
You lot are a pack of absolute rotters and I feel honored to have shared this moment with you.

>>14499
I did. Wasted a whole day going to it, £30 on the train, and a whole two days preparing for it. Fucking angry.

Can you please just pick up the roll of bog roll and stick it on the fucking holder? I mean really, did you really have to leave three sheets on the holder only so you could use half a fucking roll and leave it on the cistern? Really? Sort it out. Use that loo roll or chuck it. There is no try, just fucking move that roll onto the holder.

>>14501
Seems a right cunt move to send you something like that then.

Some bellend crossed a road with oncoming traffic the other day knowing full well that he'd cause problems in order to look hard to his mates.

Because of that I got home a little later because the road was fucked up and I'm pretty sure they're the same lads who thought it was funny to kick a bird to death near my driveway as I was having a cigarette.

Just lads who think they're rough when they'd get seven shades of shit kicked out of them if they did this shit only a mile away.

>>14501
Kinda obvious but have you tried ringing or directly emailing someone to inform them of the fault in the system?

Although it does make me wonder whether I actually want to work for a company when parts of their application system are outrageously broken. Recently applied for a job at a very high profile international firm and had to grapple with a great deal of broken links and links leading to non-existent information.

I often feel the desire to phone up and abuse HR staff who reject me from jobs without any kind of constructive criticism. Usually I don't in case I ever want to apply there again.

"Vines" piss me off because they're not funny.

>>14508

Honestly anything to do with twitter is shit. It's the worst on-line community, worse than youtube comments.

You don't get enough peas in the small tins for an adult man to have with his tea but the big tins contain far too much. The same problem exists with beans unless you like to have your entire meal swimming in the sauce.

Theoretically I should just be able to stick half of a big tin in the fridge but that is always is a state of overflow from milk and cream cheese (and all the shit my roommates shove in there). The Freezer is in a worse state.

>>14509
I don't think twitter is a 'community' any more than a mobile service provider is.

>>14510
Same with mushy peas and baked beans. I just want a little to go with my fry-up, I don't want to be eating nothing but fucking legumes.

>>14510

These little round ones are enough to hold exactly half a tin and take up hardly any space in the fridge. You can get them from poundland, I've got loads of them. Very useful.

>>14509
I don't end up on Twitter very often (don't even have an account), but averaging from what I've seen between the two, Twitter sees nothing close to the levels of rampant idiocy found in YouTube comments.

>>14512
Has anyone tried those tubs of baked beans? How long do they actually last after you open them?

>>14518

Twitter's worse because it's full of over-sensitive "celebrities" who think they're being bullied, when they get the same treatment everyone else has been getting on the internet for decades.

>>14519
I realised after posting that I probably only end up on Twitter when I'm reading posts by someone for whom I already have a modicum of respect, whereas my YouTube habits are all over the place.

>>14514
Cheers.

>>14519
Twitter has made me lose a lot of respect for various celebrities. These articles are worth a read.

http://richardhcooper.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/look-at-conduct-of-graham-linehan-and.html

http://comedychat.co.uk/2012/09/05/comedians-using-their-fans-for-co-ordinated-safety-in-numbers-bullying/

>>14514
Except don't get them from poundland, I made that mistake and I basically had leakages, left, right and centre. Get the ones from Tesco - the seal is much tighter and thicker and will ensure your bag isn't swimming in gravy.

My own personal rant:

I was in the gym yesterday, thought I'd got for a nice cycle as the spinning classes aren't on and I'd have the entire floor to myself. As I'm cycling, some woman, assuming staff, walks over to the PA / sound system, turns it on, and puts on the most god-awful, 90's dance you could imagine (think Darude-remixes).
My issue was with the fucking volume, it was outrageously loud, and this is coming from someone who frequents gigs regularly.

In fact I hate that - that need to randomly turn up the volume of (shit) music at parties and events. As some kind of means of encouraging people to let loose and dance. Fuck right off and leave me to my conversation.

>>14530
I know how you feel

Everytime I'm in work I can relax until someone decides they want the radio on and they turn it on to Capital FM. I wouldn't mind pop music but they repeat the same songs every hour.

>>14531

Mate, had the same issue. Luckily, by the grace of some annoyed worker, we all got an email to keep the music off.

Thank you disgruntled professor.

If it really bothers you, a quiet word with HR (who love all these internal conflict spats), would at least require them to send an email around.

>>14525
>http://richardhcooper.blogspot.co.uk/2012/05/look-at-conduct-of-graham-linehan-and.html
That's one of the least interesting things I've ever read. Thanks for reminding me why I don't bother with fucking Twitter, I suppose.

>>14525
Ah yes, I remember seeing that Noel Fielding screenshot in a /v/ thread. The man is an utter twat.

My dear Father just accused me of stirring my coffee "like a woman". Apparently one should obnoxiously whisk their coffee in the manner of an idiot baker to avoid being outed as some sort of café-transvestite.

>>14544

This whole "emasculation" mode of insults is boring and tired in this day and age.

I give your dad some slack as he's from a different time, but hearing lads say things like "oi m8, thats what a woman would do" or like you've described, is just pathetic.

Yawn.

>>14555
>in this day and age.

I know right, anyone who isn't a gendersuperfluid pansexual seamonkey in this day and age should just shut the hell up about everything.

>>14544
Tell him he throws insults like a girl.

>>14544

My father used to insult me for being emotionally attached to women.

"I think it's time for a trade-in."
"I can trade in my phone?"
"I meant your girlfriend."
"I'm in love with her..."
"Don't act like a faggot."

>>14544
Maybe you should remove the bracelet and rings from your stirring hand.

Though according to that smoking thread I think I smoke like a girl due to the way I hold my cigarette. I've been swapping techniques. So far I like the stealth grip.

Whenever my dad compares me to a woman or implies I'm unmanly or a member of the gays (I work in nursing, so it happens fairly regularly) I just start mincing about the room and do my best impression of Fred from the B52s.

>>14555

>In this day and age

He's hardly an old man. He likes to pretend he is but he was born in the 60's and spent the 90's dancing about to that most macho of men Jarvis Cocker.

Everyday we grow stronger and they grow weaker .gs, this is why they say these things. We'll see who's the woman when I'm holding insulin shots.

>>14565
>smoke like a girl

How the bollock does one achieve this? Do you tie a little ribbon bow on the filter before you light up? I'm mystified.

That's probably a thing in Japan. Those girls will put rhinestones on anything.

>>14572

Holding the cigarette like this.

Tube strike in London, and the number of rusty-chained, uninflated tyres sporting, trundling along at 10mph come rain, shine or red light numpties is through the roof. Worse yet, the carbon biked eedjits finally making true in their promise to cycle to work, stand up sprinting to their awesome pace of 15mph, all the while salmoning up to to the front at lights because clearly they are the king of the hill, sprinter jersey and ace all rolled into one. That and Boris Bikes out the wazoo...

Sure, makes a change from boris bicunts using them as dodgems, but 'kin 'ell, geta grip and lose that death wish!

>>14570

https://www.youtube.com/v/gYuoOazvbyM

Morrison's 'reduced' stickers that say 25p or similar, but scan through at full price. No doubt enough people don't notice to make it worth their while, because this happens every fucking time.

>>14576

Maybe, if you're clumsy enough to scan the items bar code and not the bar code of the reduced sticker... then yes, that happens.

As a connoisseur of the reduced section, I know a thing or two about reduced labels. If it says 25p, it is 25p. The machine prints the bar code for the reduced price. There is no fiddling to be done.

Be sure to be more careful in future and report back with results, as I've never had this problem in all the years I've supermarket hopped in the evening to get good deals.

>>14577
In Morrisons you sometimes find the staff haven't applied the yellow sticker properly. Before now I've had multiple items there with reductions where the price sticker has been applied but the part with the barcode has not. Cue frantic gesturing toward the attendant.

>>14577
Oh, cock off. Do you think I'd stoop to scan the things myself?

>>14558
I'm offended and I'm going to write a tumblr post discussing this.

>>14578
Oh, and while we're at it, Morrisons. Morrisons. The business founded by one William Morrison. Where's the apostrophe?

>>14580

I'm going to write an opinion piece in the Guardian about how it's the fault of men and Tories.

>>14582
Then I will rant about it on youtube and bleat on about how no one is checking their privilege. Also that you are a part of rape culture if you don't support my kickstarter project of making a documentary about male-centric rape culture and femqueer, transfat shaming.

>>14583

Women are better than men and everyone knows it.

[spoiler]The only thing men are good at is remember more successful men so they can claim that men aren't shit.

>>14584

The cocking up of that spoiler is just more evidence of how awful men are.

>>14584

>The only thing men are good at is remember more successful men so they can claim that men aren't shit.

What is this even supposed to say? My brain is melting trying to understand it.

>>14586

*remembering.

See, look how thick we are, Anon.

Kids being brought up on tablets and mobile phones

I'm probably a huge hypocrite as I was brought up on TV, video games and the internet but there's something off-putting about the next generation thinking that to play a video game properly you have to pay for microtransactions. I also say this as I remember going to the arcade and spending all my pocket money there.

>>14588
I read 'tablets' as some kind of Ritalin scaremongering and as an ADHD sufferer was about to have a go at you.

>>14588

Every few weeks, I have a brief moment of existential terror when using my tablet, when I suddenly realise "shitting hell, I'm living in the future". This mundane bit of technology that I got as a free gift in a conference goodiebag was the stuff of science fiction when I was young. I occasionally have the same reaction when I see someone using an electronic cigarette, the concept just seems so fantastical and strange.

>>14590

Yesterday I realised my phone is faster and more useful than my first three PC's. I realised that, paired with bluetooth keyboard, it is far more powerful than the machines I was wowed with as a kid in ICT. As a word processor alone, it is astronomically ahead of the 286 I was amazed by years before.

Obviously I already knew this, but it crystallised yesterday in a way that bowled me over. I also have a raspberry pi sitting next to me at the moment, and it's making me feel dizzy.

Also, you got a tablet in a goodiebag? Nice one Hollywood.

>>14590
Vaporisers do certainly look like they're straight out of Blade Runner.

>14592>>14590

I'm the lad in the /g/ thread with the new Moto G - stepping up from my faithful Nokia 3510i (2002-2014 RIP), it's like taking a caveman's bow and arrow and giving him a laser-guided missile system.

>>14593

They look like Sonic Screwdrivers.

>>14592
Someone I know recently lamented that they were unable to leverage the immense power in their phone to boost the performance of their laptop.

>>14596

For the price of a compatible SD/USB flash drive of... lets say 4gb, they could use Window's own "ReadyBoost" to increase processing speed.

>>14597

Readyboost just uses the flash drive as a disk cache. Unless you have a really high-performance SD card (e.g. Sandisk Extreme Pro) you'd hardly notice the difference over a reasonably fast hard drive and wouldn't see any performance increase over an SSD.

>>14598

Any USB 3.0 stick would do it, surely?

USB sticks don't have the same Class reference system that SD cards use, do they?

Had a lovely chat with an artsy photography lady today, but now I can't find her on Facebook. Wish I'd asked for her number. I am an arse.

>>14599

Most USB drives are really quite slow, because the flash memory is specced for price and capacity rather than performance. They're still flash, so you get slightly better performance than a hard drive for small random reads and writes, but they're nowhere near in the same league as a decent SSD.

A reasonably fast USB 3.0 flash drive will do sustained reads at about 60MB/s, which is comparable to a typical modern hard drive and about 5x slower than a good SSD.

>>14600
I'm fawning over one on a dating site. She is perfect... Only thing is that I haven't messaged her, and I know she won't reply. Sage for emo shite.

>>14602

Only way I've ever got replies on a dating site. Is by shotgunning a bunch of generic messages and a large group of women. I don't think I've ever had a reply to a message I've actually sat down and thought about. Which is a shame because women generally don't like when you take the shotgun approach to on-line dating, and I would definitely prefer not to do it .

>>14603
Ugh, thought about this too.

I think the main issue is pictures. I've done my research and found out that the idea one is where; 1) You're outside 2) You look like you're having fun and 3) Optional, handling a small animal.

And of course it helps immensely if you're attractive and showing a bit of flesh.

I can't stand profile pictures so I opted for the usual webcam one, which in fairness turned out ok, but it did make my face look a little fat...

My coworker asked me to feel her arse today because she's 'proud of it'. It was fantastic. That's all well and good but she's a lezzer, and now I just have to have an angry, disappointed wank.

>>14604
A bit of flesh, but keep your shirt on. Hint, don't show. Think three buttons undone, not topless. Unless you're on a meat market like tindr or PoF, in which case go nuts.

Other than that, shotgunning and effort have roughly the same effort-to-response ratio which is slightly disheartening, but then it's humans we're talking about. It's hard to tell the difference between "took an interest" and "creepy stalker" in a few lines of text.

>>14607
To be fair, I'm also as superficial as the lasses. I see one that's a bit fat, and/or aesthetically challenged, and I just avoid.

Out of curiosity, what do you write in a "shot-gun" message?

>>14608
"Let's get married tonight or I'll blow your brains out."

>>14608
Something fairly generic, basically:
"Hey there,

I read your profile and I think we've got a few things in common, would you like to meet for coffee sometime next week?

--Me"

It's as shit as it sounds, but it beats any of the built-in "wink", "nudge" or whatever mechanisms on dating sites.

Ugh, just fucking ugh.

So for the last two days I've been like "why's my laptop running so slow?" I did a bunch of scans, asked my dad about it, made sure everything was up to date, and it was apparently fine, just running like crap. But just now I go to change the screen brightness and lo and behold it's been on "power saver" ever since I took it to the library on Monday.

If, and he probably won't, but if my dad asks you about this, just tell I sorted it and nothing else, right?

Laptop LEDs.

I can't turn my laptop off at the moment, because I fried the old hard drive and had to stick a new one in and put linux on it, and a side effect of all this is- bizarrely- that I have to do a static reboot every time I turn the laptop off. This means I have to leave the thing in Suspend whilst I go to sleep.

The amount of light the thing puts out when it's sleeping- Jesus Christ. I have to stack shit up around it in an elaborate manner to be able to get some shut eye. My old laptop was worse; the power button used to produce this pulsing blue light, and you just can't sleep through that shit.

Why do they feel the need to build laptops that could put a rave to shame, even when they're asleep? It doesn't add functionality. I could understand it when it's on, but what's the point when it's effectively off?

>>14612

It's a laptop. Put it in another room or the closet.

>>14609>>14610

I see, I've been well over-cooking it then.

>>14612

Black electrical tape over the LED.

Had the same issue with my smoke detector - the fools that designed the room didn't have a person sleeping in mind, so it's directly above my head and it glows green and blinks red every minute or so. A really effective means of torture.

>>14612
A small, cover-up-able LED is keeping you awake? Let me cry you a little tear. This window and light is directly above the bed, which is attached to the wall. The curtains hang down onto the bed so if I move at all during the night I'll hit them and they'll part slightly and I get a beam of orange light in my face.

>>14616
Bit of black electrical tape over the floodlight should fix that one.

I get so used to not eating for days that when I finally go to the shop and buy food even eating a bowl of muesli hits my stomach like a freight train and I'm left feeling violently sick and all too aware of how silly I am.

My tummy hurts.

>>14618

Muesli is actually quite tough on the gut, all fibers, sugar and dairy (if you use milk). I'd recommend trying some oats, eggs, toast or crackers for a first meal.

>>14588
Pike the games I know how you feel mate. What about the effects on eyesight?

>>14616
Turn it off if it's your house or complain to the neighbours that it's keeping you up.

>>14621
>Turn it off if it's your house

Your critical thinking skills never quite developed, did they?

>>14622
It's .gs, I never assume that people are capable of acting logically until proven otherwise.

He could share the house and feel unable to change anything outside his room because of autistic fears.

>>14623
How would your advice help in that case?

>>14624
By making him feel like a numpty for not facing his fears?

>>14625
So it wouldn't help, you were just trying to make him feel bad?

>>14626
Feeling like a numpty is the first step to effecting change.

I feel like numpty is an underused word, it conveys the message of being an idiot in a patronising but less strong way that calling them a retard or something.

>>14627
Ah, you're a graduate of the Rube Goldberg School of Being Helpful. Did you study in the Chaos Theory block?

>>14619
Sainsbury's often has almond (Alpro) or oat (Oatly) milk on offer for about a £1/litre. Get the cheapest porridge you can get (worst case you'll have to chew your porridge) and you have a mostly allergen free (except for gluten), really quite nice breakfast.

>>14629
Selling milk by the litre instead of the pint? ARE NIGE is right, time to cut the ties with europe.

>>14630
In all honesty, imperial units need to die.

>>14631
Why?

>>14632
Because buying milk by the pint is an impediment to science and to progress, and a tool by which cynical retail giants can rip off consumers who can't make a rational decision when faced with multiple unit systems.

>>14633
It's not like it has '568ml' written on the side or anything.

>>14632
It's stupid and obtuse and slowing our progress down as a species.

Amerifarts still use it, and it's a logical clusterfuck.