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>> No. 25832 Anonymous
24th September 2017
Sunday 10:16 pm
25832 BRITFA.GS /101/ MARK VII
The old thread is well over 30MB, so I think we're due a new one.

Some cunt threw a firecracker in front of my bike today. If I hadn't seen the little scrote and his little scrote mates running I wouldn't have noticed until it was too late.
2019 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 28269 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 9:01 am
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>>28267
It's also easy to simply put it down when they go to the toilet.
>> No. 28270 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 9:03 am
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>>28269
Women don't always check the seat before they sit down. If they fall down the loo do you think they'll blame themselves for not looking or men for leaving the seat up?
>> No. 28271 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 6:09 pm
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>>28265
No, it keeps us distracted from how much loo roll they burn through. I get they have bad tools but if I had a pound for every time I've found the toilet stuffed with an obscene amount of loo roll I might have enough to pay for all they waste.

Maybe the Japanese have the right idea about all this and in the future we'll genetically engineer women to have penises.

>>28269
Lad, don't. We've all had this conversation and pointed out that the seat goes up and down but you'll get nothing out of it. Just mutter a sorry or before you know it she'll get one of those "toilet rules" displays for the bathroom.
>> No. 28272 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 11:38 pm
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>>28269
I wouldn't disagree. But you should be closing the lid entirely when you flush so the point is moot.
>> No. 28273 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 12:08 am
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>>28272

Some of us like splattering our bathroom with faecal bacteria, thank you very much.
>> No. 28275 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 12:45 am
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When I first got a job, I became quite friendly with the owner of the business and ended up visiting his house a couple of times. He had one of those Japanese toilets that played a tune and sprayed your arse and all of that. It was something I assumed was made up for that episode of The Simpsons, but there it was.

I was young and impressionable then, and ever since that day, the Japanese smart toilet has been my idea of ultimate wealth and power. He had a massive house and a Bentley, but that toilet is what made me realise he just lived differently to the rest of us.

Over the years I've made some success of myself, and though I am more than pleased with my life even comparing it to the rose tinted ideals of how I remember his, I just can't stop thinking about that fucking toilet. I need one. How can I ask my girlfriend to be my wife if I can't give her the life she deserves? One where you walk up to the bog and the lid comes up on its own. And the seat is pre-warmed. And it plays a tune for you, and gets your arse so clean it can cause skin problems from the lack of bacteria.

I'd be a king.
>> No. 28276 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 3:11 am
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>>28275

I went to Japan a few years ago, and decided to explore the new cultural and having water sprayed on my arse is definitely not for me, I found the experience profoundly unpleasant. I was impressed by the general over engineering of the toilet though.
>> No. 28277 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 3:16 am
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>>28275

I'll come round to your house and squirt water up your arse.
>> No. 28279 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 12:33 pm
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>>28275
>>28276
These things are the shit. I can get they're uncomfortable but they're more efficient, cleaner and you save a ton on toilet paper.
>> No. 28280 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 6:41 pm
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>>28279
Maybe I just have a fat arse but I've found the back of the toilet gets a horrible back-shower using these. Oh sure, I could turn the pressure down to a dribble but then how will it get every nook and cranny? And what of having to dry my arse?

It's really barbaric that in 2019 our toilet hygiene basically comes down to the solution to a runny nose (sans blow function) or a water fountain.
>> No. 28281 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 6:42 pm
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>>28279
Seconded, I didn't care for them much in Japan but in Korea when coming off huel and onto spicy foods I changed my tune.
>> No. 28282 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 7:44 pm
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Perhaps a weird question but, if I need to clean my arse, why would I use water that comes from the same place that what I (and many, many, other people even in an ordinary residential toilet) have used to dispose of exactly what I am trying to clean my arse of?
>> No. 28283 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 7:45 pm
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>>28282
I'm pretty sure it doesn't just spray you with the water you just shat into.
>> No. 28284 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 7:47 pm
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>>28282
Do you think the TV pauses when you turn it off?
>> No. 28285 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 7:55 pm
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>>28284

Not them but yes. Why does yours not grandad? I bet you watch things as they are 'broadcast' like you are all in it together like back in the blitz.
>> No. 28286 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 8:22 pm
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Jerusalem keeps following me around. I've heard it sung by different groups of people on at least five separate occasions this week. It's starting to trouble me a little.
>> No. 28287 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 11:36 pm
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>>28282

It gets the water from the cistern, you psychopath. Did you really think it just fired the shitwater back at you?
>> No. 28288 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 11:52 pm
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>>28287

They don't get water from the cistern you arrogant ignoramus it comes off the mains a lot of them are heated for one. Also what do you think happens to liquids when they are fired upwards. Those fountains may start off clean but it is really only a matter of time.
>> No. 28289 Anonymous
14th January 2019
Monday 11:55 pm
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>>28288

The ones that are seat units do.
>> No. 28290 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:19 am
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>>28283>>28287
Obviously its not literally the same water but it comes from the same general vessel. Would you use your mop-bucket to shave out of?
>> No. 28291 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:21 am
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>>28288
>Also what do you think happens to liquids when they are fired upwards.
They follow a ballistic trajectory, like everything else.
>> No. 28292 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:22 am
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>>28290

You don't understand how cisterns work. I'd drink from the cistern of a toilet quite happily (to prove a point, anyway, it'd be a bit inconvenient otherwise), it's fresh water.
>> No. 28293 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:24 am
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>>28290
Toilet water doesn't get shitty until it's left said general vessel, you numpty.
>> No. 28294 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:24 am
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>>28292
I'm not saying you're wrong or anything. It's just that if I always wash my clothes/dishes after I throw fresh sewage around right next to them.
>> No. 28295 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:27 am
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>>28294

Your bog is likely cleaner than your kitchen sink's plughole. Think about the mould and rotting matter that's likely in your U-bend in the sink, which is so much closer and connected to the place you do your dishes.
>> No. 28296 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 1:37 am
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>>28292

Yum yum.
>> No. 28297 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 7:04 am
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FUCK THE CISTERN.
>> No. 28298 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 11:52 am
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>>28291

Very good now imagine it made contact with a shit cover arse, what do you thing might happen to the water as it falls? could it be mixed with shit and endup falling on the fountain that was spraying it in the first place meaning that was now spraying shitty water?
>> No. 28300 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:06 pm
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>>28298

Could you really not imagine that these things clean themselves? You couldn't consider that since bidets in general have been popular worldwide for decades, and these washlets are near ubiquitous in Japan, that there might be a better solution than just letting the nozzle get caked in shit and left there? What the fuck is wrong with your brain?


>> No. 28301 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:34 pm
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>>28300

I assume the solution would be to manual clean the thing, and like everything else about that toilet the self cleaning is just a gimmick with no real pratical virtue.
>> No. 28302 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 12:36 pm
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>>28298
This is the equivalent of saying you'll never wash your hands in tap water above a dirty sink because the water coming from the taps is going to make contact with the dirty water in the sink and also the taps are contaminated by association.
>> No. 28304 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 1:00 pm
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>>28302

When I wash my hands in the sink shit doesn't rain up from my hands on to the tap.
>> No. 28305 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 1:01 pm
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>>28303
It doesn't with these toilets either. You don't shit on the hose nozzle and it's not directly underneath your anus so no shitty water lands on it.
>> No. 28306 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 1:06 pm
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>>28298
>what do you thing might happen to the water as it falls?
At the risk of repeating myself, it'll follow a ballistic trajectory. Pic related.

>could it be mixed with shit and endup falling on the fountain that was spraying it in the first place meaning that was now spraying shitty water?
Not if it's installed properly, no.
>> No. 28307 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 1:42 pm
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>>28301

Then you're thick.

These things are incredibly popular in Japan, a country so germphobic it's considered socially correct to wear a face mask in public when you've got a touch of the cold. To continue to assume washlet toilets are inherehently dirty only serves to highlight that you're incapable of reasoned thinking.

Again, these toilets clean your arse so thoroughly that it can cause issues with your arse being too clean.
>> No. 28308 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 2:16 pm
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>>28307
An arse too clean? What? How can an arse be too clean?
>> No. 28309 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 2:26 pm
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>>28307
Guns are popular in America, a country so risk-averse you need a $25million insurance policy to hire a car. Therefore guns are safe.
>> No. 28310 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 2:44 pm
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>>28306

I don't think you understand how a ballistic trajectory works. When the ballistic collides with an object like say your shitty arse, it completely changes the trajectory. if you think this thing cleans your arse by spraying water near it that never comes in contact with it, then yes you are correct it follows the ballistic trajectory but I am never inviting you to my house.
>> No. 28311 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 3:21 pm
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>>28310
>> No. 28313 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 3:36 pm
28313 spacer
>>28312
In doing so, it loses some of its kinetic energy, absorbed by soft, pliable tissue surrounding your arse. If such particles fall onto the stream, they cause further collisions, and the pressure of the water pushes them away from the source.

Really, the Japanese have literally done their resesarch on this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSlGTpvPzt8?start=347&end=545
>> No. 28314 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 5:22 pm
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>>28313 Seems to me in this age of cheap silicon you could justify a ring-seeking optical system (probably best not call it a camera), servo aiming and an IR thermometer to sense the ring temperature, for a finely tuned wash experience.
Add to that a few dozen retractable tentacles from Stan's tentacle school, with sponges on the end
https://www.stanwinstonschool.com/tutorials/animatronic-tentacle-mechanism-basics
and you'll have the full Japan experience, a sparkling clean ringpiece and the occasional terrifying flashback.
>> No. 28315 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 5:22 pm
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>>28311
First time this year Ive laughed so hard.
>> No. 28316 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 5:34 pm
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>>28311 Is scrotal splash not a thing? I take it these monstrosities blow warm scented air at your underside before unclamping the restraints and sending on your way?
>> No. 28317 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 5:48 pm
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>>28316
I'd imagine the toilet blows cool air onto your scrotum so it's more likely to shrivel up than dangle low as it does when warm.
>> No. 28318 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 7:45 pm
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>>28308

>If a Washlet high-pressure water jet is used on the anus repeatedly, it may cause excessive cleanliness, prompting other bacteria to adhere around the anus, causing skin disease (inflammation) around the anus. Some proctologists in Japan have named this "Washlet Syndrome"
>> No. 28319 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 7:56 pm
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This whole tangent has been hilarious to keep up on. Thlads.
>> No. 28320 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 8:01 pm
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>>28311
This is actual fucking science. Good work lad.

I've never been tempted to go near these wash and blow dry toilets, the idea is monstrous. I have just about realised I am posh and old enough to be able to have and use wet and dry toilet paper at home. A bunch of technology? Eight grand and a good chance of a terrible splashback experience for a slightly cleaner ringpiece? Fuck right off.
>> No. 28321 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 8:02 pm
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>>28318
If anything that suggests someone needs to invent Danone for your anus.
>> No. 28322 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 8:02 pm
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>>28319

I don't know how I've come to so vehemently defend a toilet technology I've only used about four times in my life. This place does things to you.
>> No. 28323 Anonymous
15th January 2019
Tuesday 8:03 pm
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>>28321

I don't know about you, but my toilet already has a yogurt nozzle.

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