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>> No. 442357 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 7:40 pm
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The pandemic has undoubtedly hit some sectors of employment harder than others. Let's take a moment to reflect on the hard work done by the many hundreds of unsung toilet attendants in Britain's nightclubs, who are now languishing on furlough for close to one year.

We at britfa.gs salute you!
Expand all images.
>> No. 442358 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 7:53 pm
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Not to besmirch the reputation of the noble fellowship of bog trolls, but I doubt that any of them were on the books.

NO SPRAY NO LAY! NO SPLASH NO GASH!
>> No. 442359 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 7:58 pm
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I never got how this industry managed to work or turn a profit. What kind of contract would a nightclub agree to where it's worthwhile for both parties? Did they have some kind of central organisation or did they all work as self-employed? How did they even find such a job?

If you would tell me that they're actually undercover police officers keeping an eye out for drug users I might be inclined to believe you.
>> No. 442360 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 8:01 pm
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>>442359

They made money because you used to tip them a fiver to turn a blind eye every time you and three mates all bundled into the same cubicle.
>> No. 442361 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 8:02 pm
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I thought they were really only there to stop people sleeping/fucking/doing drugs in the loos.
>> No. 442362 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 8:10 pm
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>>442359
>>442361

I'm paranoid enough to believe they are indeed there to make sure you're not powdering your nose, but then I've never had one stop me even when I've been blatantly obvious about it. I don't think club owners have much of an interest in stopping people taking drugs either, people will drink more when they've had a bit of charlie.

I think they must just sort of spontaneously appear. You can't keep them out. It's like silverfish, you just notice them one day but they're harmless enough you won't go to the trouble of poisoning them or anything.
>> No. 442363 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 8:20 pm
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>>442362
>I don't think club owners have much of an interest in stopping people taking drugs either, people will drink more when they've had a bit of charlie.

They absolutely will because they can lose their licence for it. The responsibility for keeping an eye on drug abuse was outsourced to the owners years ago.
>> No. 442364 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 8:30 pm
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>>442363

The trick is then presumably to get people to consume their drugs before they get into the club.

That said, one of my mates was turned away once by bouncers because in all fairness, he was absolutely proper baked that night and had a look in his eyes like he was floating a foot off the ground. They said to us, "Get your friend home or go somewhere else, either way, he's not getting in here tonight".
>> No. 442368 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 9:55 pm
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I'm WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT as to how "toilet attendants" ever caught on here. For fuck's sake, we aren't Yankland where you're expected to tip absolutely everyone who does so much as hold a door open for you or you'll be perceived as the scum of the earth, I just want to take a piss in peace, I don't want your cheap shitty aftershave, leave me alone.
>> No. 442369 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 9:59 pm
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>>442363

So what that really means is they want people taking drugs, just not people off their tits enough that they might draw the attention of the law.
>> No. 442370 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:06 pm
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>>442368

No spray no lay

No splash no gash
>> No. 442374 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:25 pm
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>>442368

Welcome to capitalism. It doesn't matter if a job is beneficial to society or not as long as it makes enough money for it to be worth someone's time. And making people feel uncomfortable enough to give you money because you watched them take a piss is apparently profitable enough.
>> No. 442375 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:25 pm
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>WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT
What is this wordfilter filtering? OP? with OP?

>>442370
My student union had an African lad who'd say 'Freshen up for de ladies' but he'd really roll the fr like he was announcing boxing or something. It made me feel uncomfortable.
>> No. 442376 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:29 pm
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>>442375

The wordfilter is mental here, I half expect any of the words in my posts to be filtered to "I'M purple AKI AND I GROPE ARSES", or something like that.
>> No. 442377 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:33 pm
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>>442368

>For fuck's sake, we aren't Yankland

From what I've heard, it's even worse in Japan, where OAPs are employed literally just to say hello to you when you enter a building or an elevator door. A lot of those jobs are created especially so that the elderly have something to do all day, not primarily to better their finances as such. Something to do with Japanese pride and work ethic, which really doesn't allow for much leisure even when you are at an age where you've well earned it by our standards.
>> No. 442378 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:35 pm
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>>442375
>> No. 442379 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:41 pm
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>>442375>>442378
They got me with that one not long ago also. Not being a elder-god from beyond the veil of time I have no idea why it's filtered either.

>"That is why."
>> No. 442380 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 10:49 pm
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>>442379
Some lad(s?) used to post in every other thread about how what other posters were talking about had "left me... BaffIed!" and post the trailer for that Leonard Nimoy film.
>> No. 442382 Anonymous
21st February 2021
Sunday 11:25 pm
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>>442375
>>442376
>>442379

It's probably the oldest wordfilter here you bunch of total newlads.
>> No. 442384 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 1:00 am
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WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT = baffl[b][/b]ed
>> No. 442385 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 1:13 am
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>>442384
baffled?
>> No. 442386 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 2:26 am
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>>442385

i tried
>> No. 442389 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 10:40 am
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>>442368
I agree, I might have given them money when I was a teenager and didn't know any better, but since then that bit in The IT Crowd is one of the few bits of observational comedy I've never really related to. Why would I pay someone who has just stood there? No service was provided, so what's awkward about not paying them? If I had to pay everyone that looks at me I'd end up with no cash every time I walked down a street full of beggars.
>> No. 442390 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 11:25 am
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>>442389

>Why would I pay someone who has just stood there? No service was provided, so what's awkward about not paying them?

I normally leave them something like 50p, because I fear the passive aggressive scornful look some of them give you if you don't.

Which does make the whole thing kind of a hustle, but in the end, they do clean the toilets. Even if paying them should be their employer's responsibility and not yours.
>> No. 442391 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 11:36 am
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>>442390
>they do clean the toilets
Do they? If that's true it's not obvious. I'd tip them if I actually saw them doing any work.
>> No. 442392 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 11:38 am
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Or, a better idea: a tip jar out front labelled 'all receipts to our cleaning staff', and then it's not necessary for them to stand around in the toilets like a creep when they aren't cleaning them.
>> No. 442393 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 11:40 am
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>>442392
Nobody will put money into that.
>> No. 442394 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 11:50 am
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>>442393
Well apparently they will if you put a cardboard cut out of an African man glaring at you next to it.
>> No. 442395 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 12:10 pm
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Lads, I think I've cracked it. They're known as 'restroom attendants' and this opens a door into a world that (hopefully only faintly) smells of poo:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/7335315.stm

They apparently need a DBS check to make sure Aki isn't doing it but I have a strong feeling that in a few decades we'll be accused of dolphin rape for having these people because they're all immigrants. Fair play to them if the story in the article is true though about it being African lads studying for a diploma so they can go back to their own country and get a good job - I'd give them money if they put a sign up explaining what my tips were being used for.
>> No. 442396 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 12:17 pm
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>>442395
It's such bullshit. The article doesn't mention cleaning the toilets as part of their job description. If they need someone to police the toilets, then fine, but I'd feel a lot more comfortable about their presence if they gave them a walkie-talkie and an SIA card than a tray of cologne and lollipops.
>> No. 442397 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 12:20 pm
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>>442396
I'm not tipping a fucking bouncer m8
>> No. 442398 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 1:25 pm
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>>442397
You probably couldn't if you tried. Absolute units the lot of them.
>> No. 442403 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 3:08 pm
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Hold on.

WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT
BRILLIANT

Anyway, you lads must be posh. I have never been to a club where there was an attended at the toilets. Also, you will probably take multiple pisses, so are you meant to give them money every time you go in?
>> No. 442408 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 3:24 pm
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>>442403

>Anyway, you lads must be posh. I have never been to a club where there was an attended at the toilets.

Are you 'avin a larf m8? These guys are in pretty much any city centre venue you'd go to.
>> No. 442409 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 3:38 pm
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>>442408

This. Even the public toilets at the big shopping centre here have full-time toilet staff. And I even once saw the menopausal Eastern European woman who always sits in the chair at the entrance do actual work, when a toilet bowl was clogged up and she put a plunger to it.
>> No. 442410 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 5:14 pm
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>>442408

In Newcastle it feels like the dodgier the club the more likely they'll be in attendance.

Interestingly, about ten years ago, at least here, there were never any attendants in the women's toilets. A lot of our female friends thought we were making some sort of weird joke when we insisted that there's a man in pretty much every bog selling us spritzes of aftershave for tips.
>> No. 442411 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 5:16 pm
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>>442403
I think I've only ever seen it once, but that's because I usually went to dingy rock clubs when I did that sort of thing.
>> No. 442417 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 7:25 pm
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>>442410
10 years ago they were probably all still hiding from Cheryl.
>> No. 442418 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 9:05 pm
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>>442417

>10 years ago
>hiding from Cheryl

Any lad would have been all over her back then.


She's kind of showing her age these days though. IMO you'd be forgiven for thinking she is significantly older than 37.
>> No. 442419 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 9:25 pm
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>>442418
It will have been a nod to this.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2003/oct/21/helencarter
>> No. 442423 Anonymous
22nd February 2021
Monday 10:06 pm
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>>442419

Oh, right. Forgot about that one. My mistake.
>> No. 442435 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 4:27 am
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>>442418

Her massive arse tattoo is a bit weird.
>> No. 442439 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 10:16 am
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>>442435

Looking like a capo of the Newcastle Yakuza.
>> No. 442469 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 1:09 pm
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>>442439

We actually have a lot of Triads up here. No wonder she moved away.
>> No. 442470 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 1:21 pm
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I never got laid from being doused against my will with that really orangey Hugo Boss that came in a sphere. I don't think stinking of triple sec does much good to your chances.
>> No. 442472 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 2:33 pm
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>>442470

Should have gone for the Lynx mate.
>> No. 442474 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 4:32 pm
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>>442410
What would you rate as the non-dodgy clubs? Thinking back, I remember them being in most clubs, but some bars with a 2am license were lacking them. Fancier Apartment Group/Ladhar Group don't have them tbf. Spotwhite certainly didn't.

>>442435
I'm really curious to see how it would look spread out.
>> No. 442475 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 4:46 pm
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>>442474

>Fancier Apartment Group/Ladhar Group don't have them tbf.

Those were basically what I was thinking, and I don't think TupTup did or anywhere on that sort of "you might bump into a footballer" type level of clubs. Most of the trebles bars did, anywhere on the Bigg Market obviously (plus lots of bouncers to steal your coke and chuck you out, to loop back to the purpose of the attendants) Oceania, all those sorts of hellholes. And I remember even Legends had them, which I wouldn't necessarily call dodgy, but they did let us in when we were 15 and they did have a hatch where they sold burgers and hotdogs from connected to the dance floor so maybe I'm being a bit too kind there.
>> No. 442476 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 5:12 pm
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>>442474

>I'm really curious to see how it would look spread out.

I was going to say Ashley Cole evidently didn't like it, but google says she got the tat long after the two split up.
>> No. 442502 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 8:14 pm
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>>442474
>>442476

I've shagged some heavily tattooed women (also Cheryl's cousin but she was not my finest hour), and one had a similar arse setup. It looks how you're probably imagining, the ink just stops at the edge of the cheeks. I assume you could get it done right up to the balloon knot if you really wanted to.

I also went out with a lass that had a shitload of tattoos on the front of her body, but absolutely none on the back. She said it was because she couldn't see her own back so why bother, which I thought was odd, but she was very odd, so that made sense. I always thought she looked like a chocolate digestive, all dipped on one side but bare on the other.
>> No. 442505 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 8:27 pm
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>>442502

How much cocoa was in her chocolate?
>> No. 442511 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 9:46 pm
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>>442502

Tattoos are rank. Not that I wouldn't due to the presence of tattoos, but I have thought 'yeah, those tattoos are rad' exactly zero times.

For every person who pulls off the look there are about 50 people who look like tacky tasteless morons.
>> No. 442512 Anonymous
23rd February 2021
Tuesday 9:52 pm
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>>442511

I was never keen on tattoos until I saw this:


>> No. 442516 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 5:39 am
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>>442502

I've noticed over the last few years that when certain birds get into tattoos, they go properly all in. They don't get a sleeve worked on and filled in over a few years, they get their whole fucking body covered in about 18 months.

Most of them are on the chubby side, so it's really not hard to speculate about their motivations, but that just really makes me roll my eyes. "I don't like my body so I'll throw money at covering it with pretty pictures instead of going to the fucking gym" is what it says to me.
>> No. 442518 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 8:15 am
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>>442516
It's an addiction of sorts. You get the idea to get a tattoo, work out or stumble your way into a design, find an artist who can and wants to do it and go through with it. Once done, you're quite proud: you had an idea, worked it out, made it happen, had the euphoric rush of deliberate stress to cement it, and got the result you envisioned.

Why wouldn't you do it again and again?
>> No. 442523 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 12:11 pm
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>>442518

I wouldn't even do it once. We may be past the days when tats were mainly the preserve of shady characters or council estate dwellers blowing their bennies on unreasonable things, but to me, tattoos still have that kind of connotation.
>> No. 442524 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 12:27 pm
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>>442523

The reason I avoided tattoos were mostly because I couldn't think of anything I like enough to have permanently on me, and also because the majority of my peers got them when they turned 18 - I felt more individualistic by not getting any - in my social groups at least, I was greatly in the minority.

I like a well done sleeve and so on, and I have ideas of what I'd do now, and I don't think they look bad on people (unless they're badly done obviously) but more than anything I'm glad I didn't spend a lot of money on something permanent that I'd almost certainly be bored of by now.

My mum started getting tattoos in her fifties. They suit her and her general shtick but I still think it's an odd thing to start at that age. But who am I to say I won't be thinking the same way when I'm fifty.
>> No. 442525 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 12:47 pm
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>>442524

I dated a lass for a while who had a small Celtic cross on her left upper scapula. It was artfully done, by somebody who seemed to know their craft, and didn't look out of proportion on her slim body frame, but somehow it didn't make me change my mind about tattoos. I don't really have anything against people who get a tat and wear it with pride, but, yeah, you won't ever see me get one. Really not my kind of thing.
>> No. 442526 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 1:00 pm
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>>442524
>The reason I avoided tattoos were mostly because I couldn't think of anything I like enough to have permanently on me

This is what has always held me back and why I don't like tattoos on people. Talking to tattoo artists they also dislike customers who just get a tattoo with no thought for meaning or its permeance but just because they want a tattoo.

It does make a good game when I ask someone with tattoos on their wrists what they were in for or what area of the navy people with nautical tats were in. I suppose it illuminates my problem with it in tattoos being largely inauthentic or otherwise the work of soppy cunts. I've even lived an interesting enough life to have earned a few tattoos but those adventures already have scars with stories to tell.

I'd add that I have a cracking arse that would only be ruined by some miscreants doodles.
>> No. 442527 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 1:12 pm
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I've got loads of tattoos, none of your fucking business what they mean to me. Can't say I've ever judged someone on the basis of whether they have tattoos or not.
>> No. 442528 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 1:16 pm
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>>442527
The lady doth protest too much.
>> No. 442529 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 1:19 pm
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>>442528
That doesn't really make sense when I've written two sentences rebuttal to multiple posts of multiple paragraphs.
>> No. 442530 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 1:46 pm
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>>442528
He's not protesting either, he's just heavily insinuating you're judgemental and small-minded.
>> No. 442531 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 2:03 pm
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>>442526

I quite like the look of people who have loads of little trad tattoos all over. I don't really prescribe to the idea that tattoos have to have complex, deep meaning, or even any meaning at all - it's body art, so surely you can just have things you like the look of?

I think it's odd that the prevailing idea is that having a tattoo for aesthetics alone is wrong somehow, it's kind of the whole point if people were honest about it.

The one tattoo I really wanted was a Spider Jerusalem spider on my head, because I was somehow convinced I'd never lose my hair, so could always hide it if I wanted to. I was very, very wrong.
>> No. 442532 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 2:22 pm
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Tattoos always look fucking terrible. The way it's all fuzzy and the ink shows up under the skin giving it this washed-out look - it's just rubbish.
>> No. 442533 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 2:26 pm
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>>442531

I agree in that you could then apply the same principle to anybody who has ever bought an art print by a moderately or even a highly acclaimed artist and hung it in their livingroom.

You don't need to know everything about the artist's life or the deeper meaning that art critics see in it. If there's a Michelangelo painting you like *), maybe simply because its colours go well with your couch, and some online poster shop has it for 20 quid, then why not put that in your livingroom. Anyway you look at it, you will show that you are at least marginally cultured, even if you know fuck all about when and in what context the painter created that painting.

In that sense, simply putting a painting in your livingroom because it visually looks good to you is a much more honest approach than being a pretend toff who will recite at every dinner party he throws all the details about the artist that he memorised off wikipedia.



*) I got my mum a wood-framed art print of The Creation of Adam by Michelangelo for Christmas one year, for the sole reason that it goes well with her livingroom furniture. Which she really appreciated.
>> No. 442534 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 2:53 pm
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>>442531

Ben Crowe off of Crimson Guitars made that error of judgement.
>> No. 442535 Anonymous
24th February 2021
Wednesday 3:42 pm
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>>442534

His accent and manner of speaking do not fit someone with a head tattoo, either.
>> No. 442539 Anonymous
25th February 2021
Thursday 8:52 am
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I really like the look of those Scythian tattoos they found on mummies in ancient burial tombs, but thankfully this Canadian professor made me realise they look pretty naff if you don't have the battle-hardened physique of a tribal chieftain.


>> No. 442540 Anonymous
25th February 2021
Thursday 9:02 am
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>>442539
Reminds me of the Suebian knot or Norman haircut, you really need to back it up with some kind of swordsmanship or horse riding ability.
>> No. 442541 Anonymous
25th February 2021
Thursday 9:49 am
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>>442540

Add samurai topknots to that list.

Generally you can make anything look silly if you are a deeply mediocre looking person trying to incorporate some eccentric aesthetic.

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