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>> No. 446807 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 3:51 pm
446807 Worst sexual experience ever
Share your worst sexual experiences. Mine just happened. The
Mrs wanted a threesome so we booked an escort. Escort is lovely but afterwards my mrs, who is drunk again, starts to whine because the escort wasn’t into her, was too chubby and other imagined problems.
Expand all images.
>> No. 446808 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 4:08 pm
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>>446807
Sounds like she wants to do it again, but with a better looking one. I can't see the problem here.
>> No. 446811 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 4:43 pm
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>>446808

There is more to life than threesomes with hookers lad.
>> No. 446812 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 4:46 pm
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You haven't actually said that anything was bad about the sexual encounter, just that your missus had a bit of a moan afterwards. That's kind of par for the course with women.
>> No. 446816 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 4:58 pm
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>>446812

Right. He's lucky he hasn't been shouted at for cheating on her or looking at the escort's tits too long or so on.
>> No. 446817 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 5:11 pm
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You're supposed to say that the escort was lucky to have done a girl like her and then take her out to karaoke or whatever girly shit. Not stomp off to the mancave to tell your fellow arse-pissers about it.

For me it was sex that ended up turning into a relationship because I felt sorry for her. Not just seeing her naked but hearing how she hadn't had sex for years and had been thinking of booking a male escort. Think of the lass on the 'guilty-would' thread. Anyway I gave her some good times and got out when she was getting manipulative but it felt like such a stupid and cruel thing to do.
>> No. 446818 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 5:15 pm
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>>446807
My worst sexual experience was with a prostitute, she clearly was not into it and it was just... strange. Never again.
>> No. 446823 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 6:27 pm
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>>446818
Thing is, and I've never done it, I've always imagined all interactions with prostitutes to be like that.
>> No. 446824 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 6:53 pm
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>>446823
Depends on the prostitute, depends on the punter. I think a lot of them insist on you taking a shower before they'll get down to business.
>> No. 446826 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 7:06 pm
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Went round to house of 70 year old man I met on Recon to do BDSM. When I was tied to the bed and having hot wax dripped over my body, I said "I don't think this is for me". He was very understanding, though he spent 10 minutes lying on top of me before untying me. I'm mostly straight, but couldn't find a woman to do BDSM with so settled with a dude. He texts me occasionally asking if I want to meet again, the time I saw him was about 8 years ago.
>> No. 446827 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 10:18 pm
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One of the few times that I've ever "organically" pulled, i.e. met a stranger and gone home with them, we walked all the way back to her place because every taxi in town was busy. I even had to carry her briefly and it was dreadfully late by the time we got there. She then proceeded to give me head, her mouth felt like it was full of gravel and broken glass. Truly the worst place I've ever put my cock.

That wasn't really a cringey or awkward sex experience, it was just miserable because of the walk, about five minutes in we both realised we were only interested in shagging and had nothing to talk about. Should've just done it in a bush and walked home.
>> No. 446828 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 10:33 pm
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LosLosing my virginity honestly. It's only been uphill from there.

If you want the story, it's because I was in a long distance relationship, as we probably all have been as terminal anoraks. She was fit as fuck and she'd waited for me since we were both about 16 or 17, until we were 20 and 21 respectively, when I could afford to go visit her. It was disastrous. She thought I'd literally broken her vagina and insisted on going to the doctors first thing in the morning. Phoned her mum sobbing and everything.

Now, I've since been informed that I have the type of knob a girl is definitely being ambitious to take as her first. But even so, the insane overreaction caught me off guard. The relationship didn't last long after that, and I got with a nice chubby council estate goth girl. She were a right slag, it was incredible.
>> No. 446833 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 5:02 am
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Got a prossie while drunk and on drugs. I was hard but couldn't even finish after an hour and a half. I said fuck it and paid her to leave. It was weird because she was so caring and trying hard, and almost seemed offended, but shit happens I guess.
>> No. 446853 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 6:16 pm
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While my pool of experiences to choose from is limited, the worst was being plied alcohol and ridden visciously, head pinned back, by a boistrous obease woman 10 years my senior. It broke my apathetic 10 year dry spell.

The woman was sharp and very savvy, but a lot slipped out while drunk and it became evident she was dishonest. A few unpleasant things were hinted at and once, during forplay, she held her hand over my face saying she'll suck me dry - it impressed on me the soul rather than semen.

I went back a few times, ever the nieve confused lamb. She even gave me a nickname telling as much. I posted about it in /emo/.

I believe the woman is 'escorting' now.
>> No. 446854 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 7:37 pm
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>>446833
I've got a few whisky-dick stories. Another of the "organic" pulls was a mate of mine's younger sister (this is a vice of mine), who snuck me into their parents' house and snuck me out again in the morning, leaving me to wander aimlessly in the direction of my own house for an hour or two. I didn't/couldn't finish that night as neither of us had a johnny, which was massively off-putting on top of all the booze.

She thought it was cute that I hung up my clothes on her coat rack rather than throwing them on the floor. Despite playing the "I'm young and having fun, not feelings" character to a tee, was apparently quote upset when I didn't then pursue her.

Sage because I think deep down I'm bragging a bit, and I don't like it.
>> No. 446855 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 8:43 pm
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My worst sexual experience was when one of my exes was having an affair with another lad behind my back and didn't tell me for three months, and would repeatedly go to "visit her sister" in Luton at weekends, when in reality, out of sheer coincidence, a lad she had met online lived just down the road from there in Harpenden. She would then come back Sunday night, and we'd have sex as usual. When I later pieced it all together, there must have been numerous occasions where she practically still had the other lad's spunk from Sunday afternoon inside her when she climed in my bed Sunday night. I can't say I was entirely clueless, she had seemed distant for some time, but was able to reasonably blame it on her work being oh so rough at the moment. Still a bit hard nosed to have two different lads bonking you within the space of about three or four hours on the same day, and just leaving your boyfriend of two years none the wiser.

If poking around another lad's spunk is no turnoff for you, you're much better off going to a proz. At least with a proz, you know you're getting exactly what you've bargained for.
>> No. 446856 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 9:58 pm
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I used to 'edge' like a motherfucker during my teenage years so became expert at controlling when I was going to come and was therefore spared most of the embarrassment you see in films / TV that inexperienced young men apparently go through.

In my early twenties I would occasionally take cocaine recreationally, it was ubiquitous in my little town amongst the revellers and pub-goers so was normalised for me. Looking back now, I'm glad I didn't have a fucking heart attack and seemed to have escaped it without any long term health issues.

Anyway, the worst experiences I had were on a couple of occasions when I was high on cocaine (usually near the end of a bender), and the girl I had 'courted' was desperately trying to make me come, which, as anyone who has done cocaine here will know, becomes much harder when coked up. It numbs the penis, so they are sucking you off desperately and whilst (luckily) I was erect, I had eventually to make an excuse for them to stop, which is frustrating for the person being sucked off and makes the person giving the blowjob feel insecure, especially if they don't know what you've taken.

For the record, with the experience I've gathered in life, I don't recommend drugs to anyone, even in small quantities, and I think alcohol should be consumed as little as possible. The more alcohol you consume generally correlates with a worse life.
>> No. 446864 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 12:10 am
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>>446856
I don't think I've ever come from a blowjob. Hand action yes but not getting sucked off.
>> No. 446870 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 8:28 am
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>>446855

The only time in my life I was messing around with two girls was just a few weeks into the dating "getting to know you" stage, and I still lost sleep over the guilt I was feeling. How you can hop right from one bed to the other while in a two year relationship strikes me as more than hard-nosed. Sounds like she really lacked courage and integrity. Sorry you went through that, mate.

>>446807

My worst sexual experience is pretty tame by the standards of you lot. I had met up with a girl just a few times after we worked together in a bookshop. She was a curvy humanities-academic type, very sweet. We got along well and there was a nice build-up to sleeping together, I remember the timing: the first night we kissed she said she was going away on some silly EU placement for a couple of weeks, but I should join her for the second week.

I'd never been abroad at all before, and the combined pressure of "third date (we're probably going to fuck)" with what essentially became a stressful couple's holiday was too much for us. I forget which night we tried it, but we had already annoyed eachother a few times and I was frankly exhausted from being in an entirely new setting. She became really odd. We were getting started on the sofa when she asked point blank whether I'd had any STDs (I had not). I think she meant it to be a cute, dry-humour type way of checking for her own safety. I laugh it off and continue.

After some foreplay she attempted to suck me off while I was wearing a condom. It didn't work for me, and when I suggested moving over to the bed, she took that opportunity with us both naked and ready for it that she was, in fact, asexual, and started spouting off internet nonsense about how sex was like cake and while cake was nice, she didn't feel any intrinsic need for cake.

By that stage, I had zoned out completely, wondering what the fuck I was doing in Eastern Europe with a hard-on for a girl who, by this stage, wasn't only uninterested in sex but also apparently uninterested in a relationship. She also made favourable but unexpectedly blunt comparisons between my size and her ex, assuring me with a bit of an insecure tinge that I "wasn't the first cock she had".

It's a shame as I really liked her and think we could have had a lot of fun if I hadn't had been so stressed by the travelling and she hadn't been so anxious about the sex itself.
>> No. 446871 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 8:51 am
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>>446870
>It's a shame as I really liked her and think we could have had a lot of fun if I hadn't had been so stressed by the travelling and she hadn't been so anxious about the sex itself.

Get in touch with her.
>> No. 446882 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 12:27 pm
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>>446871

Currently in an entirely different and happy relationship, m8, but a good suggestion. Also this was maybe 6 or 7 years ago.

I actually did get in touch shortly after I got back to see how she responded, I think with just an innocent thing we'd joked about, but I got the impression she'd lost interest.

Weeks later, awkwardly, I saw her on the train in my area and tried my best to make pleasant small talk in a "let's be friends" kind of fashion, but all I sensed from her was embarrassment, so I left it.

I don't really know what to make of it, because as a lad my inclination is to always blame myself and say "I should have done x", but in retrospect she really was a bit of an odd duck and it probably wasn't going to work out anyway. I still think she's cute, but my regret is mainly was that it was such a fudge of an experience when it really didn't need to be, rather than the lost love of my life.
>> No. 446891 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 5:11 pm
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I don't have too many bad sex stories but I do have an awful lot of "Oh fuck. I was supposed to fuck her, wasn't I?" stories where I'll only realise about three months after the event in question that a lass was making moves on me, and I sperged out instead of sealing the deal.

There was one time I'd met a lass off of Fetlife and brought her round to my house to indulge some deviant filth, but I could get it up. I blamed it on a heavy night of drinking beforehand, but the truth is it was just nerves because it was the first time wed ever met. I had dramatically overestimated my confidence with women at that stage, it probably wouldn't be a problem today, but there we are.

Annoyingly I've bumped into that lass a few times on dating apps over the years and each time we've flirted a bit, but not done anything about it, fir various reasons. Then the last time it happened she figured I was a timewaster and blocked me on all the social media, which serves me right for never putting my money where my mouth is; but the annoying thing is that was the one time I'd have genuinely went for it. I had almost decided it was fate after so long of so many encounters. Then she blocked me.

Love is a sad and confusing affair.
>> No. 446906 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 9:39 pm
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>>446891
>"Oh fuck. I was supposed to fuck her, wasn't I?

They never leave you - I have flashbacks now about things I did (or more particularly, didn't do) twenty years ago and it's always OH SHE ACTUALLY LIKED ME.
>> No. 446907 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 9:44 pm
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>>446891
>I don't have too many bad sex stories but I do have an awful lot of "Oh fuck. I was supposed to fuck her, wasn't I?" stories where I'll only realise about three months after the event in question that a lass was making moves on me, and I sperged out instead of sealing the deal.

It's these memories that haunt me as I go to sleep at night. I think I can relate to a similar experience many years ago where I fumbled with a lass but as we were still in the same friend circle so we often bumped into each other. I could've gone for it many times but once you've done it once you become an awkward mess when she's around.

A similar episode is that one Thom Yorke off Radiohead gives where he appeared as a guest on Space Ghost with Bjork in what must've clearly been a fix-up for the guest room but he just didn't know what to say to her.
>> No. 446908 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 9:45 pm
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>>446906
Sometimes I find myself shuddering or needing to the punch the air as a flashback hits.
>> No. 446921 Anonymous
13th October 2021
Wednesday 4:42 pm
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An obese neckbeard about 30ish tried to rape me when I was about 12. My mother told me that I must have done something to provoke him since those kinds of things happened only to bad people. I kind of forgot over that, then I understood that every time I had access to a lass I was just reenacting the position the fat nerd tried to use to rape me. It was quite disconcerting
>> No. 446922 Anonymous
13th October 2021
Wednesday 5:02 pm
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>>446921
How have you managed to deal with that?
>> No. 446923 Anonymous
13th October 2021
Wednesday 7:35 pm
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>>446922

I did not. Standard NHS CBT therapy made only things worse, real therapy is way too expensive for me. Mental healthcare is an expensive luxury, not a right. I gave up on sex many years ago, at least I have videogames and porn to keep me entertained!
>> No. 446928 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 9:43 pm
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My worst is my only, by definition. Turned 29 today. Might neck myself.
>> No. 446931 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 11:29 pm
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>>446928
Prostitutes exist, lad. If you are that desperate enough to neck yourself.
>> No. 446946 Anonymous
15th October 2021
Friday 3:32 pm
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>>446923
>Standard NHS CBT therapy made only things worse

My experience of NHS CBT mirrors yours, not helped by being delivered by a bored practitioner who seemed to be delivering therapy via memorized crib notes, I stopped attending when I came close to calmly telling the practitioner I thought this was nonsense and suspected she did too
>> No. 446948 Anonymous
15th October 2021
Friday 4:16 pm
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>>446928
I didn't lose my virginity until I was 29. You just have to keep putting yourself out there, lad.

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