Can't believe I spent £150 on a coat the same season global warming properly kicked off. I feel like a right mug.

>>455904

https://lens.google/

I think I've caught some sort of stomach flu. My stomach feels weird, there's a fair bit of flatulence going on and my poos are almost liquid.

What a difference a year makes. Last January I was staying up all night paranoid I was dying from an undiagnosed illness, now I'm doing the same thing again but talking to myself and doing a bad Duke Nukem impression.

>>455908
Groovy.

My old man's going into the hospital to have coronary bypass surgery tomorrow.

>>455907

I've been a but like that lately, but I put it down to excessive spicy food over the last few days. It's just that annoying thing where it comes out sloppy and no matter how much you wipe there always seems to be more.

>>455910

It's obviously going to be a worry, but you've got good reason to be optimistic about it. My granddad had a triple bypass thirty-odd years ago. Before the surgery, he was wracked with angina and was completely knackered after climbing a flight of stairs; now he's a sprightly 95-year-old who regularly goes on long country walks. He spent a week in intensive care and needed about eight weeks to properly recover, but bypass surgery gave him a completely new lease on life.

>>455911


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz_A6K9rSko

>>455912
Thanks, lad, I appreciate that. He's only 60, but we've got bad genes. He had a heart attack in May, but that was after playing an hour of competitive football, so he's in pretty good nick apart from some dodgy tubes in his chest.

I bought an Elf Bar today. I've not smoked or vaped in about three years, but I often have cravings for cigarettes so thought this would pacify them. I asked for cigarette flavour, they said the only cigarette flavour disposable is Cream Tobacco. Does not taste like cigarettes at all. Total scam. I don't want to puff on banana milkshake flavoured smoke, I want proper fags taste.

>>455915

This is largely because there just is no way to make artificial cigarette flavour vape that isn't completely rank. It's like fake meat- You can make something that's reasonably nice, but it won't taste of meat; or you can make something that tries to simulate it as close as possible and it'll be dogshit.

Part of the problem is that smoking dulls your sense of taste and smell. That's why smoking only really feels good when you're habituated. If you try one after a six month break, the first thing you notice is just how godawfulgodawfully fucking foul they taste. But then after a few puffs it goes away. With a vape, there's nothing in there to damage your sense of taste, so it would just permanently be rank.

They have to try compromise but the end result is just that you're better off trying the tutti fruitti. And believe me, you'll realise what a fool you were before.

>>455916

Products like IQOS vaporise real tobacco, so the taste is completely genuine. As you say though, when your sense of taste comes back, the taste of fags is much less appealing. The vast majority of people who switch from fags to vaping eventually switch to a non-fag flavoured liquid.

I do miss proper fags, I'll have one occasionally if someone offers, but I haven't used fag-flavour liquids in my electric fag for years. I avoid smelling like a branch of Lush by exclusively vaping citrus-flavoured liquids, which means I get to smell like a reasonably well-maintained gents toilet.

I psychically connected with Princess Diana and she gave me a blowie like in that scene from Ghostbusters.

>>455918

Either you want the dream thread, or a good psychiatrist.

>>455919
I was just taking the piss out of the latest Royal Family headline I scrolled past: "Prince Harry says woman with ‘powers’ relayed message from Diana".

>>455870
>>455872
It's taken me ages to find the thread where this discussion happened, so forgive me for not replying to everyone's posts. But this is the second week in a row where Asda have had no carrots. This is an outrage. People should be rioting in the streets, throwing the broccoli that I bought instead. Imagine not having carrots two weeks in a row. They still have plenty of watermelons, bizarrely, but I guess fewer people buy watermelons.

I don't think I struggled to buy carrots at the height of the coronavirus lockdown panic-buying sprees. And carrots grow in this country, unlike watermelons which are actually a major expert of the Ukrainian city of Kherson, of all places. Everything this website discusses, has all merged together to take away my fucking carrots. Is it Brexit's fault? Or climate change? I've definitely noticed carrots getting smaller lately, and now there are none at all.

>>455929
It'll just be Asda's supply chain being fucked, with (one of )their supplier(s) having failed for some reason. Carrots aplenty here, £4 per 10kg sack of horse carrots, and perpetual offers on people carrots in Aldi and Tesco.
That said, it was a crappy year for UK root crops, at least in the east, hence the smallness, although potatoes don't seem too small, maybe they did well elsewhere. My contractor neighbour is taking 40 tonnes a day of expired Spanish salad vegetables over to the AD plant, as hospitality trade collapsed over the break.

>>455929

We went to the local food bank thing (felt a bit guilty because we're not exactly desperate, but it's good value and reduces waste, you pay £7 and get a shitload of random stuff) and we must have got as many carrots as all the rest added up. Shitloads, like carrots was all they had.

Sick of carrots now. You can have some if you want, but they're going a bit brown by now.

Jimmy Carr has really got on in the last one or two years. Just watched a bit of Cats Does Countdown, and it's like he looks five years older than before.

>>455933

You could tell he was already clinging to his youth with make-up and those godawful hair implants. I imagine he has a self-care routine more anal than Patrick Bateman.

Trouble is when you're already holding back the years like that, when the dam bursts, it all washes over you at once.

>>455934

>with make-up

He wasn't wearing it in his free time though. Everybody on television gets makeup for the camera. Both women and men.

>>455903
I never did come back to say thank you for this. Searching for "bolt snap hook" was very productive. And yet, I asked some friends last night what they called such a device (it turns out it has many names, including carbine hook and carabiner, but many of them are actually one of those things climbers use so searches are less productive) and someone said "trigger hook". And when I search for trigger hooks online, that seems to be the best name of all for them. There are hundreds of trigger hooks available to purchase.

>>455956
Jesus Christ. Just buy any one of them.

I'm guessing it's because of the weather, but Beeston market today was literally a fruit and veg stall, a second-hand book stall and a jacket potato van.

>>455961
Which Beeston? Leeds or Nottingham? Beeston Nottingham market is very often just jacket potatoes, fruit and veg, and brownies.

>>455962
Castle.

>>455962
You know which Beeston I mean by now, lad.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyz0_1mXans

I've just had to withdraw £13k from my premium bonds to pay my self-assessment tax this month. Granted I haven't paid any income tax since I went self-employed in June 2021, but it still feels pretty galling.

>>455965
I felt really bad for you until I calculated how rich you must be. According to my numbers, the most anyone ever pays at the basic rate of tax is £7,540, and any amount above that will be paid for a higher rate of income. You really had my sympathy till I worked that out; I should have stayed ignorant.

>>455966
My declared income for the year was somewhere around £42,500, including two months of being employed. The first self-employed tax bill comes to 150% thanks to a payment on account for 2022/23.

>>455966

Not him, but now, now. Nobody likes a jelly nelly.

Taking a fucking 14 hour flight on Sunday and shitting myself about:

takeoff, turbulence, random panic attacks.

I'm not a drinker either, so can't even use that. Any one have any tips for feeling better?

>>455969
Are you goinf to Asutralia?

A good book, comfy shoes you can take on and off easily, a small stick style deodorant, ear plugs (the cheap foam style ones), and another good book.

>>455969

You could take some diazepam. You'll feel a little drowsy, and it's not ideal if there's actually an emergency where quick thinking can save your life, but as there is a 99.99 percent probability that that will not occur, it's one of the downers that will allow you to take it easy, and it has a good single-dose effectiveness, unlike some other mood-altering prescription drugs that you need to take for some time. You could also get lorazepam, but that'd be a bit overkill and it's not a nice sensation.

I took a few diazepam tablets once during a time of severe emotional distress, and I still remember a pleasant feeling of everything around you being somehow distant and far away, like you couldn't care less.

It's fallen a bit out of fashion to prescribe those drugs for fear of flying, but you'll probably still find an NHS doctor somewhere who'll have no objections.

>>455971
Diazepam is not OTC :/

>>455972

That's why I said go to a doctor. You've still got a few days till your flight.

And none of the OTC stuff will help in a meaningful way anyway.

>>455970
No, to Japan via ANA.

I'll give Diazepam a go, ta.

>>455975
On the bright side, you're going to Japan.

My only tip is get some melatonin.

Dennis rocks some incredible noughties looks on the early series' of It's Always Sunny. Dee and Mac wouldn't get a second look even now, but Dennis would look like a time traveler just five years after this was filmed, which would be 2012. You might think I'm exaggerating, but you can't see the elbow patches on his jumper in this shot.

>>455977

I am far too old to care about fashion in that kind of way.

I still wear a black padded nylon coat by Esprit on warmer winter days that I bought 20 years ago and which has proved to be indestructible. I see no need to replace it just to go with current fashion. And I found a knit jumper at the bottom of a drawer a few weeks ago that I must have bought ten years ago and can't remember wearing even once, and it's one of my favourites at the moment.

>>455978
Cool.

>>455977
Why thr fuck can't people flatpack their fucking boxes, for fuck sake.

Turns out the old lady who died, whose house I bought, was a fully paid-up member of an anti-abortion charity. Motherfucker. I love abortion. Bloody Catholics. I have hopefully now unsubscribed from any further post from them.

>>455977

I think you're overestimating a bit how much fashion actually transmits through ordinary people. Particularly America. Whenever I've been to the States it's like going back to the previous decade- The cars are all boxier, the decor in the buildings is all beiger, and people all still wear boot cut jeans. I'm pretty sure last time I went in about 2016, they still hadn't caught on to chip and pin, let alone contactless. It's weird how the world's richest country is so backward in a lot of ways.

Anyway your average person just doesn't notice shit like that. The only fashion trend I've noticed this decade is that student age lasses all wear three quarter length jeans with turn ups that make them look like lezzers.

Lads I've just had a BRILLIANT IDEA. I get a job as some form of tutor, teaching French or piano or something. The specifics aren't essential right now. It doesn't matter that I don't know these subjects myself. See, what I'd do is I would for example start taking piano lessons myself and what I'd do is I'd spend the next week teaching my pupils exactly what I was taught during my lesson. Pay for it once. Replicate it about six or seven times. The best investment out there.

>>455995

Not really a good idea. How are you going to handle sudden in-depth questions by pupils that go beyond that week's lesson, in a way that only somebody with profound knowledge could answer.

>>455996
They'll be small children, they probably won't know any better. I don't have to be good at piano, I just need to be a good teacher.

>>455997

You're sounding like a pound shop Jimmy Saville right there.

>>455995

Simpsons did it.