What do you have planned for your mid-life crisis, will you reinvent yourself by trading in your old car and wife or will you do something more original?
We're getting to that age now and I think we should nip this in the bud by finding things to make us feel young again. Otherwise this place is going to get very weird and we'll start doing the bloke equivalent of sticking unicorns up everywhere.
I took the easy out and just started dressing like I'm young again. Hoodies, cargo pants, all in black mostly. Since I'm going grey, I decided that instead of embracing it or dying it back to a darker colour I might as well try purple, pink and blue. I can always shave the lot off if I don't like it.
The only genuine mid-life crisis type purchase I've made recently is an electronic drum kit which is gathering dust along with a flute, bongos and, to my shame, a bass.
My opinion on "mid-life crises" changed completely once I started working. I realised how long it can take to earn enough money to responsibly buy the stuff you like, so I don't begrudge anyone that's put in a couple of decades of work and can finally afford a few toys.
That said, I'm not sure what I'll do once I hit 40. I haven't made any decisions I really regret (yet), and my only daft hobby is motorcycling which I've kept up since my early twenties. I do have artsy pretensions somewhere in the back of my head, so I'll probably try and sell some art and publish something. I'll also try not to get embarrassingly drunk as often and absolutely will not nob anyone other than my long-term partner, even if I want to.
The more I type this out, the more boring I sound.
>We're getting to that age now and I think we should nip this in the bud by finding things to make us feel young again.
Be careful what you wish for.
I think that a lot of people become depressed about middle age because it really hits them for the first time that time is moving forward and eventually running out. You simply aren't young anymore. Your 20s are a time where everything is still in flux, where you still have big plans and all the time in the world to realise them. And aside from your education and/or uni degree, you haven't made any major and irreversible (or difficult to reverse) life decisions or commitments. That definitely changes in your 30s and 40s, when you go on to buy property, get married, have kids, and have chosen your career path that you'll probably be stuck with for a long time. If just out of the necessity of a stable monthly paycheck. Your choices and options decrease that way the older you get (that realisation alone can be depressing), and you find yourself questioning the choices you've made so far, and you wish you could do things over.
You then instinctively want to turn back the clock to a time when life seemed easier, and so you go out and buy the dream car of your youth, which you now have the money to buy, or you desire women half your age. Or you even dress half your age. All of which are kind of sad. Because you're not fooling anybody, only yourself. I'll let you have the car though, because I'm fully with you on that.
I'm months away from turning 50, so I know a thing or two about middle age blues. I've been there, done that, and bought the cardigan. But as with any age or age bracket you gradually move through in your life, the best thing to do is to embrace change and just go with it. I was deeply depressed in my early 40s, but I've come out the other end. I'm still aging every day, chronologically and physically, and no matter what clever trick I try to come up with, I can't change that. But I've accepted it. I've accepted the fact that there is no point clinging to any past period of your life, and that the only healthy direction to ever be moving in life is forward. Life isn't meant to be spent stood still.
If your goal in trying to feel young again is to revisit a time of your life that you were happy, happier perhaps than nowadays, then that's not a bad thing. It could be just the kind of escapism you'll need. Just don't be fooled by the illusion that feeling young is the same as being young.
>Just don't be fooled by the illusion that feeling young is the same as being young.
Go on then. What's the difference?
People consistently under-age me when the subject comes up, I'm 33 but my age is usually placed somewhere around 25. I put it down to the fact I was a rebellious longhair tattooed teenager, and I'm still the same rebellious longhair tattooed adult, I never changed. Most people change. They go "oh I will have to cut the hair so I can get a proper job" but I never did, I want "fuck off, I'm not letting THE MAN tell me how to live", and I still wear jeans and band t-shirts to work, and they have learned to stop telling me off for it by now because I do a good job. But I think somehow, that attitude makes people mentally place me as younger than I am.
Because in their mind, I should have "grown up" by now.
Age really is only a number, and my number isn't as high as yours, but I feel like I will still feel that way by the time I'm getting there. It has as many disadvantages as advantages, I guess, but my point is I really don't see why how old you are should have any bearing on how you act. Sure, you are physically older, you ache more and have more responsibilities, probably. But the only thing stopping you from doing whatever you want is the judgement of others, and the judgement of others is probably the last thing in the world I believe anyone should give a single solitary fuck about.
Feeling young is a good thing. There is nothing at all wrong with it. And you're right that you shouldn't let others or society dictate how you are supposed to be or act when you are a certain age.
But all of that within reason.
I remember during my clubbing days, there was a guy at our favourite club who was there every Saturday. And I mean, every Saturday. Nothing unusual, except he was visibly probably in his mid-40s and he was always there on his own. In a club that was otherwise catering to the 18-25 crowd. 28 at the most, but even they were thin on the ground. 40s lad was having a ball, and he'd be dancing to Faithless, Gigi D'Agostino and The Prodigy with abandon just like the rest of us. Except he would clap his hands and jump up and down to the music in kind of a goofy way. But there was something sad about it all. Because he was sticking out like a sore thumb in a crowd of all us younguns, and you never really saw him talk much to the other people. He was an oddity and we found him amusing, in the most well meaning way, but we always wondered what his deal was and why he felt like being somewhere that was really meant for people half his age.
Generally speaking, I don't make much of the fact that I'm turning 50. At my age, you've already ticked over twice into an age range you never wanted to be in, when you turned 30 and 40 respectively. The only times that was fun was probably when I was turning 10 or 20. And you live and learn, I guess, so I've decided that I won't let 50 get to me the same way. Because every day that you're feeling down about your age is a day that you could have spent doing something enjoyable instead. I'm in very decent health, so I've potentially got loads of good years in me still, and to get the most out of them, it's best to just not worry about your numerical age. And I guess that's where we agree again.
It's actually quite funny with clubs nowadays, you mostly see 30s-40s people because millennials were the last generation to still really enjoy that nightlife culture. The zoomers seem to have mostly given up drinking and having fun in favour of being offended on the internet.
My friends and I have pretty much stopped going to clubs entirely, most we'll do is go to a pub or cocktail bar, but more the ones that cater to our age group. Let's say 35-55.
But back in the late 90s and early 2000s, it was definitely not the norm that you saw many 30somethings, let alone 40somethings out and about in clubs at the weekend. We still occasionally went out to bars and clubs that were meant for the older crowd up into our late 30s, so we're talking early 2010s by then, but people of our age group were definitely a dying breed by then, and a while later I pretty much stopped going. I still remember the day when I decided that I'd had enough. I was at a singles party, and other single people my age that were there just looked incredibly sad. And I didn't want to look or be like them.
I spent over 20 years of my life partying, from age 15 into my late 30s. I did all the outrageous things you do when you're young and out having a good time. I did them for 20 years. That's enough for one lifetime, if you ask me. You've got to know when to quit.
As is my eternal mantra in life, all things in moderation.
When you go out partying every weekend for 20 years, sure, you'll just be sick of it one day. I got like that with live music after a while, and especially after having been in a bands for several years and seeing it from the other side. I still occasionally enjoy a gig, but if I do go to one it's an expensive do because I know I'll be drinking a lot and probably buying some coke, so it's only a couple of times a year at most.
I think for me, the thing is I was always quite reserved, I never went out with a big group of mates every single weekend. I had plenty of big and memorable (for the right and wrong reasons) weekenders, but I spent much more of my time as a twenty-something living the kind of life a mid 40s bloke might be expected to anyway, so the wild times were always more exciting by contrast.
What if going out is like it's always been, great if you get a big crew together of decent lads but it just gets harder to have that crew when you're all grown-up?
Imagine if a bunch of us old geezers went out and started standing around in a circle with drinks in our hands talking about some bollocks from 15 years ago Moaty. I bet it would make the young folk uncomfortable.
>but it just gets harder to have that crew when you're all grown-up
I think that's the difficult part. For most of early middle age, people have demanding jobs and a spouse and kids to raise. Even if you could manage going out one Saturday a month, most of your friends will have the same problem and probably won't be free the same weekend.
I think that's what ends many partying cliques as you get older. Between the end of school and about the end of uni and then into the early years of your work life, it's no problem at all to get people together for a good night out. But then by your late 20s, most people have less and less time and energy for it. Everybody, yourself included, is just dealing with too much adult stuff. The best you'll be able do on a regular basis is dinner parties at someone's house that are over by 11 o'clock.
Somebody told me on the phone today that I sounded 25. Despite turning 50 this year. Some help desk younglad on the phone at a car parts company I called, and he got chummy with me the way he probably would have with somebody his own age. I then mentioned to him that I'm 49, and that product A was probably more for the young crowd, and that I'd rather have product B. So he said, "Wait, what? Really?".
It happens occasionally that people place my voice much younger. Although I'm not sure what you are supposed to sound like at 50. What I can say is that I quit smoking twelve years ago and don't really drink alcohol at all.
Ten years ago, that kind of compliment would have made my day. These days, I don't fucking care if I sound 25 or 50. I'm 50, and any day above ground is a good day.
