>>467918
Good thing this website is anonymous, then. I just typed in "dinosaur names" and wasn't offered any sounds at all. How humiliating.

>>467913
>Combat Mission: Final Blitzkrieg - Downfal

My influence.

Spent the day visiting a friend who lives three hours away by car. At some point the conversation turned to some burglaries that have happened in his neighbourhood lately, and police warning people that they are on the rise this Christmas season. Which made me feel very uneasy while I was driving three hours back home. It was daylight when I left my house at noon, so all the lights were out and the curtains open, and my laptop was on full display in the livingroom.

Luckily nothing happened while I was gone. Probably a good idea though to make the house look a bit less polared the next time I'm gone till late at night. And put the laptop away, because it really would have been an easy smash and grab through the livingroom window. It's not about replacing a £300 laptop, but about my entire digital life being on it, including everything pertaining to my business.

>>467933

>make the house look a bit less polared the next time

Fine. Abandoned, then.

Clearly one of the lesser .gs word filters.

>>467934
I don't mind that wordfilter; it's easy to figure out what it means, and it makes sentences funnier.

>>467937

Sarah Millican's Squelchy Fanny Custard drugs fisherperson laplander, the shipping forecast, something. You know. Anyway, while Mars and Earth align, I'm WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT.

>>467938

Darmok and Jalad, at Tanagra.

Could I legally kill a hedgehog? I'm not saying that I will, but would there be any legal repercussions for this?

>>467940

Hedgehogs are an endangered species and it is therefore illegal to kill them.

I've read that gypsies travellers kill and eat hedgehogs, but it's not generally a good idea because they carry loads of diseases and parasites, some of which are transmissible to humans.

>>467943
Where is the line drawn? If I killed a slug or a fly nobody would bat an eye. Squirrels? Ducks?

>>467944

Around species designated "endangered" I'd imagine.

>>467949

The legislation is a complete mess.

It's illegal to kill a red squirrel. You are legally required to kill a grey squirrel if you catch one in a trap.

You can shoot any wild duck, but only between Sep 1 and 31 Jan, unless it's on the foreshore, in which case the season extends to Feb 20. You can't shoot on Sunday in some counties. You can't use lead shot on the coast, but you can use it inland. You can't take wild duck eggs or disturb their nests, unless they're ruddy ducks. If you shoot a duck you can sell it, unless it's a Gadwall duck.

>>467940
Was it self-defence?

>>467949
So if I breed enough hedgehogs I'll eventually reach the point where I can slaughter them?

>>467952
Depends on your definition of "breed".

>>467950

>It's illegal to kill a red squirrel. You are legally required to kill a grey squirrel if you catch one in a trap.

Grey squirrels are an invasive non-native species which threatens thr habitats of our domestic red squirrels. They are probably the biggest reason why red squirrels are endangered in the UK in the first place. Because grey squirrels are absent in mainland Europe, and in most countries there, the red squirrel is doing fine.

>>467933
I can't be the only one who closes their curtains whenever they leave the house? A close friend of mine neglects their all the time, even when they're out for multiple nights. It does my head in.

>>467933
Note that the two statistical reform boundaries marked on the graph typically resulted in increased reporting of crime. If you made it this far in life thinking burglary will never happen to you, you should probably continue that approach and ignore the police's attempt to spread fear of crime. They only want to feel like they make a difference, because they sure as fuck won't try to catch any burglars.

>>467956
I leave my curtains closed all day every day.

If I want to see outside, I go outside.

>>468001

I've always got the curtains closed in my wank room, which is a small room off my bedroom, just big enough for a desk and my wank computer. That way, because the curtains are always closed, nobody will know when I'm in that room to have a wank. It faces the street, so I'd feel weird pulling the curtains every time right before my wank.

>>468004
It's often on my mind if my pulling of the curtains, coupled with bathroom use and a reopening of the curtains abd windows on a 20-40 minute routine most days of the week looks as obvious to neighbours as it seems to me.
I've gotten to the point I could swear neighbours hear me using the bathroom, even internal doors, at intermittent hours throughout the day/night.
It's a bit paranoid but I certainly notice some patterns of behaviour around me.

>>468004
This aligns with my own suspicions of otherlad trying to cover his tracks.

If I were a burglar I'd actually target homes with their curtains closed during the day. In a worst case scenario they'll have their headphones in and be too distracted to hear me tripping over discarded pizza boxes and empty cans of tyskie.

>>468007

>If I were a burglar I'd actually target homes with their curtains closed during the day.

At least be kind enough to let me finish wanking.


What is true is that many more burglaries happen during the day than you would think. And it makes perfect sense. It's much easier to "blend in" during the day. Not only will most people be at work, but in most neighbourhoods, you've got unfamiliar people passing through all day long, from tradesmen to delivery drivers and just nondescript strangers. Few people will think you're a burglar, if they'll spot you at all. You'll look a lot more suspicious waving a light torch in the middle of the night, wearing black clothes and carrying a tote bag.

When I was a weelad, the house next to ours was picked clean in broad daylight. It happened on a Saturday afternoon, while we were playing board games in the dining room, in full view of our neighbour's front door, through which they broke in. None of us even looked up and saw them, I think my mum vaguely recalled seeing an unfamiliar car in front of the house for a bit, in the corner of her eye, but that was it. They just carried all the valuables out the front door, in no hurry at all, while our neighbours were apparently on a weekend getaway.

As a side note, our neighbours were well known local business owners, and they were listed in the phone book with their home address. Even back then, that was considered a bit careless. I'm a business owner myself now, and I've been ex-directory with my phone and personal address for years. Not just for fear of disgruntled clients showing up at my door, but because I don't want to give anybody the impression that my house is worth breaking into. Which it isn't, really. Unless you're a two-bit drug addict looking to flip anything for a few quid, there just isn't much to take.

I was about to perform oral sex on the Morrigan and the Dagda. And my top tip for doing that, is you've gotta give that hawk tuahtha de danann, spit on that thang, ya get me?

>>468040
Interesting pun.

I bet telling people they're in a "bath of shit" sounds so sophisticated in French.

>>468044

Microsoft's translation service is absolutely batshit.

Weeekend time. I tried the "Carb Smashing: Long Story" game. It's like it's meant to be a tutorial about how to draw you in. Built on the shoulders of giants, all that, but fuck all that.

Honestly, this should be an /A/ post. There are options to make this not a fruit machine, but that's all that is!. No fucking chance you'll get that one Jelly.

It feels almost quaint. No game, that claims to be free, is free of this shit.

You know how old pubs always seem to have those weird double doors? I just learned they're like that so the people coming and going during the blitz wouldn't let the light out.

Bit windy out.

There's a pub which I constantly walk past but have ignored because it's always looked a bit naff and corporate from the outside, but I just found out it's independently owned, so it actually looks to have a fantastic beer selection, unlike your typical brewery-operated chain pub which, without fail, only seems to have mainstream lager, some weak 4% session beer, or a 5% fruity Americanised IPA. On top of that, it has a basement where they have free live bands every Wednesday. I've gotta be more on the ball with the countless pubs in my neck of the woods; who knows what else I've been missing out on.

>>468065
I've never been sure about pubs. They seem like the kind of place you're likely to get a nut in for looking at someone the wrong way. The only places I'd been as a kid have had elements of violence and the ones around where I'm at, if not a gastro-pub, seem to be the haunts of both the socially flexible and thuggish dealers. I've heard a few door staff mention "so and so is back in town", and have been told a certain pub is where you can get most drugs and offload stolen goods.
I donno man, they seem to be gateways to the underworld.

>>468066
sounds like you've only experienced the flat-roof variety. Go for a drive in to sticks and find a nice one with a roaring fire or something.

>>468066
I'm too drunk to tell if you're being sarcastic but what I can say is that you have the most fun at the dodgy ones. I was at a dive bar in Rome once and made friends with a sergeant from a local biker gang. He hooked me up with a connect who gave me a great deal for some excellent mandy, and the customer service was second to none. He got in touch multiple times to make sure the deal went smoothly, that the dealer wasn't late, advised me on the purity and how much to take, and told me to get in touch with him if I ever have any problems with anyone in Rome.

10/10 experience would deffo buy drugs from a biker gang again. There seems to be a layer of the underbelly of society where people take their reputations pretty seriously, and stand by their word as a matter of principle. Quite refreshing to witness.

What I also enjoy about Mediterranean countries is that if you befriend random people on a night out, they are very likely to get in touch with you the next day and want to hang out again. In "That London", a lot of people seem to collect numbers and followers with no intention of following through when the cold light of sobriety sets in. The cynical part of me would chalk it up to the temporary "cool charisma-man tourist" effect but I'm still in touch with many of these johnny foreigners, many months later. Now I'm wondering if this is a UK vs Med thing, or just a London vs Med thing? I've never spent enough time outside of London to properly suss out how they are socially, but I would imagine they're far more warm and friendly.

Just gave up lighting the fireplace. We've got temperature inversion tonight and it's very windy, so that the cold air in the chimney kept blowing the smoke down into the livingroom.

Forgot to do the candle test beforehand. When you open the damper at the top of the fireplace and hold a lit candle under the opening and the flame flickers, then that means you've got downdraft. Which happens on days when there's inversion, and then it's best not to light the fireplace, or your livingroom will turn into a smokehouse.

How long do bike locks last? Mine wouldn't unlock again earlier, and that was very embarrassing. It's a fairly classy one too (this one: https://www.halfords.com/cycling/bike-accessories/bike-locks/evolution-mini-7-lock-with-4-foot-cable-with-flexframe-bracket-sold-secure-silver-581667.html), which I would struggle to break into if I couldn't unlock it by normal means. I walked home, got my bolt-cutters, oil spray, bike-chain lubricant and the spare key that came with the lock, and as luck would have it I only needed to spray oil into the lock and it opened immediately. But I've had this lock for probably 4-5 years now, and sometimes it is very reluctant to open (although it's always opened after a couple of minutes, apart from today). Do bike locks have a shelf life? Is there some lock maintenance I should be doing, that I don't normally do?

>>468071
>Is there some lock maintenance I should be doing, that I don't normally do?
Yeah, oiling it.

What level of sex worker would you be willing to be in a relationship with?

I follow a bunch of OnlyFans models on social media, and many are in relationships, but I don't feel like I'd be secure enough to be okay with a partner selling photos of her tits, and livechatting with men in a lewd and lascivious manner.

Actual face to face sex workers would be even harder to deal with, especially if there was sexual contact. I could deal with someone being an erotic foot model or dom.

People that do porn and get railed by multiple men several times a week on film would maybe be worse than discreet mild escorting, because there's the chance your friends or family would see her talking three BBCs at once.

It probably speaks to my own insecurity that I would struggle with a partner expressing her sexuality in such significant ways to people who aren't me.

I think a lot of people look at the attainable OF girl bending over in tight pants in ASDA, and think they want to win her heart. But could they put up with the heartbreak of seeing her continually doing lewd and lascivious things in the supermarket for an audience of horny men, a 24/7 job as she has to put emojis to respond to the people commenting on her vids? Do they want to cage the bird, only to find some birds are not for caging? I mean that in a metaphorical way like the avian bird, not actually confining the OF girl.

>>468080
>livechatting with men in a lewd and lascivious manner

Don't most successful OF girls hire someone to pretend to be them in the chat?

>>468080
I know some men would get off to it, I get that. Swingers and cucks. Nothing wrong with that. Sit in the cuck shed while the missus gets railed by a john in the dungeon.

Are they the most masculine men of all? They care not for this covert sense of ownership of another person. They are so strong minded and willed they see their wife getting fucked by other men to be fine.

A nice little income. Have her wap her tits out and lipsync to Ice Spice to get more OF purchasers so you have more income. Live in a nice Barrett home.

You could go on holiday more with that money. And she just has to wash, put on make up, and jiggle on camera. In a way don't we all want that of our partners - they do a job they love, that's minimal effort, that's well paying, so you can enjoy flying out to Palma a few times a year.

Some people say OF is a really hard full time job. It takes hours to get dressed in a bustier and put some mascara on and pose in just the right way and snap the pics. I'm not diminishing it, it must be hard. Like some people might say "David Attenborough just lays in a bush filming civets". But the dedication to wait for that right shot of the civets. Getting the arsehole to pucker just right is like capturing a civet doing a smile as it eats a snake. The bleaching of the arsehole is like getting the right camera lens. And waiting for the right time to drop a set is like laying in wait for days to get the civets to come out.

If you update too infrequently, you lose steam. If you upload too much, you cheapen the puckered arsehole civet smile. OF girls are the ultimate business minds.

>>468080
Level zero. Why would I be in a relationship with someone who chooses a career like that and why would I want to put up with the hassle?

What's with the Christmas questions, mum. Just ask me if I'd get into a relationship with a Filipina nurse or possibly a South Asian woman with poor English skills.

>I follow a bunch of OnlyFans models on social media

I think it's time for you to 'touch grass' as the kids say. You're not paying for porn are you?

>>468080
I was in brief relationship with a woman who was an escort. The £50 type, maybe up to £120 for the full bang. I don't actually know figures, only gauging by her size and overheard conversations with a customer or two.
I really didn't give a shit one way or the other, most likely because I didn't actually love her and disliked much of our sex. If someone else would do then go for it, it's a relief.
Part of me did like the idea that she's a 'desirable woman' while I'm getting her for free, another part did like to hear her candid stories about last nights fare.
I was once shocked to have fingered semen out of her, which was absolutely disgusting and killed my boner stone dead.
I also shudder to think about how I loved to lick the 'pockets of sweat' from her chest.

She was a charismatic woman. Losing some weight she'd be a catch visually and well beyond my league, but her alcholism, diet and drug habits let her down greatly. She died about 5 or 6 years ago. I do sort of miss her. I talk about her to myself a fair bit from time to time, though our personalities tied by only a few threads.

Someone I actually loved, infatuated with and wanted attention from I think it'd crush my heart, but otherwise yeah.

>>468082
>some men would get off to it
I personally didn't get off on it sexually, as far as I'm aware, but I definitely liked how it allowed me to practice cool and gain some needed confidence around sex, even if it was faked.
I've since developed an interest in hotwives and swinging porn - you're much more likely to find some sweaty orgasms and genuine expressions in them as opposed to the sanitised shit prevailant these days.

>>468083
I don't pay for porn. I follow the sex workers because I like looking at the female form. I've never wanked to a sex worker on Instagram.

An ex did want to film me and her having sex and post it on her acrobat, back when acrobat allowed NSFW stuff. She had previously posted pics of her with other guys (before we met), stuff like with their dicks in her belly button, or shots taken in front of her while doing doggie, so you can't see the actual penetration.

I broke up with her not long after she proposed doing that. We'd only been dating for 2 months. I didn't take issue with her doing it with previous guys at the time, but nowadays I'd probably be more wary of someone like her. Very sex-negative of me. I only had unprotected sex with her but because at the time thought I was the main character, she never got pregnant and I never got ill.

>>468084
I'd be very uncomfortable getting intimate with a "£120 for the full bang" type. That's a very low barrier for entry. I think that's the sort of money you'd pay a smackhead on a corner on Lumb Lane.

If it was a a Belle de Jour type, posh totty, high rates, clean and safe, pro level sex working that would still be too much, but the mental gymnastics to live that life with her would be easier to perform.

>>468085
>I'd be very uncomfortable getting intimate with a "£120 for the full bang" type.
Yeah, I suspected I might have got something from her but I never bothered to check seeing as there're minimal symptoms and I'm unlikely to sleep with anyone.
In her defense she appeared to be very selective about who she saw (i believe most of her cash came from a small pool of regular customers) and she'd get checked regularly, probably 2 or 3 times a month.

I should explain that I initially thought she was cheating but didn't really care. It was when our relationship began petering out that she mentioned her escorting - probably a hint that I should start paying, hahah

>>468080
>It probably speaks to my own insecurity that I would struggle with a partner expressing her sexuality in such significant ways to people who aren't me.

It boggles my mind when people talk about the basic question of infidelity so lightly. It's true that no one should feel ashamed about their sexuality, but how you act on it is a different matter.

Sex is inherently intimate. People can experience that to varying degrees, but you are almost always in a fairly intense psychological state when you have sex, in a way which relates directly to another living human being you're engaging with. It is absolutely understandable why some people would want to keep those intense experiences within the framework of a monogamous relationship. It's an assurance that you are the primary focus of your partner's time, effort, affection.

It's true that this need for assurance can spread into unreasonable jealousy, but I feel like we're swinging back too far in the other direction if we're at a point where we're denying that sex is important in relationships.

There are also obvious underlying biological reasons for this, that men want to be sure that their kids are theirs, but even if you were to remove that, it strikes me as extremely obvious why someone would want to be sexually exclusive with their partner. There are also a million other intimacies that we would feel strange about our partner having for that exact reason.

>>468092
>There are also a million other intimacies that we would feel strange about our partner having for that exact reason.

I wonder to the degree these will vary from person to person. I'd probably just be confused if I came home and someone was mowing the grass but I'd be upset if I saw my Mrs washing up and there was some bloke was stood next to her drying, because I view washing up together as carrying an emotional intimacy.

I don't even have a Mrs or someone to help her do the drying up but it probably invalidates me from ever joining a polycule. Not that I'd ever have to worry about them doing any housework, I suspect.

>>468082

>Are they the most masculine men of all? They care not for this covert sense of ownership of another person. They are so strong minded and willed they see their wife getting fucked by other men to be fine.

No. They're just lying to themselves. They have a fetish that falls squarely into the category of getting off to something you dislike, usually as a form of trauma response. These are blokes whose mum was a slag and had a revolving door of not-dads, or who have been serially cheated on by previous partners, enacting a very basic form of agency reclamation.

It's the direct male equivalent of those middle class uni educated fisherperson lasses who without exception have a "CNC" i.e rape fetish. It's more or less the same insecurity in inverse for the gender's relative position and interests. A modern woman fears above all her sexual agency being denied. Having her sex obtained illegitimately. Having a man commit sexual piracy on her. Downloading her fanny instead of paying the subscription.

Inversely, a bloke feels emasculated when he is forced to confront the fact he is nothing special, he's just another customer, even within the construct of a "relationship". Personally I find such fetishes quite revolting, partially because they lack imagination, but mostly because they are so real, in terms of the sexual and romantic dynamics of the modern world.

My socks smell vaguely of Chilli Heatwave Doritos and I somewhat like the waft of them from under my desk.

>>468115
There used to be a POV foot dom porn video on PornHub before the big purge. It was a sassy Latinx woman trying to mind control the viewer with the smell of her feet. I remember she described the smell as "corn chippy". I guess corn chips are a common foot smell - there's at least you and the Latinx woman.

>>468150

I'd totally be into that if we were furries and had paws. Dogs feet smell like popcorn, it'd be quite nice actualy. And they have those neat squishy pad bits, and claws for if you wanted to get rough.

I sadly don't have a real life foot fetish but I do respect foot fetishists more than most types of pervert. They know what they're about. None of that psycho-social bollocks, just a good honest weird turn on.