Inside No. 9 on stage was pretty good. The main thing I don't like about going to the theatre is other people. I don't need to see someone's phone screen from the corner of my eye. The people who whoop or laugh ridiculously loud also get on my tits.

>>472739
>It's getting a bit chilly out so I'm quite happy wearing my thick socks and doing nothing

For an exciting weekend update I had two mugs of hot chocolate and some lovely pie for dinner. I might make some pumpkin soup if I can be arsed and maybe pancakes for breakfast too.

Possibly all that cheap falafel I ate at around nine o'clock has given me a nightmare.

>>472747
The phone thing is fair enough, but I believe complaining about laughter to be one of the quintissential English miseries. Perhaps Indonesians and Paraguayans do so too, but I couldn't say.

>>472749
I'm not complaining about laughter in general, only the handful of people who go overboard at this sort of thing. They act like every little amusing moment is the most hilarious thing they've ever heard so they laugh much louder than everyone else, throughout the entire show. It's completely disproportionate and feels forced.

It doesn't really happen at stand-up, it doesn't really happen at comedy plays, but it happens at this sort of show. I can't work out if it's fanboyism, they're in some strange competition to show how they can laugh louder than everyone else or they're just plain simpletons; possibly it's alcohol-related but I don't know.

>>472743
Best course of action in my opinion. Moments like these offer good opportunities to show character. The neighbour has played their hand, you've a chance to help them save face while subtly suggesting your expectations of the community.

I'm so glad AI doesn't know how an englishman drinks tea.

Put the heating on for the first time since it's started getting colder. My house now smells of burnt dust.

>>472748

Ooh good shout lad, it's the right time of year to stock up on that fancy dark mint hot chocolate from Whittards I reckon.

I've been wearing my dressing gown and fluffy slippers around the flat since about the end of September, but I've only put one heater on, the one in the middle of the hallway so it gets a bit of warm air through the whole place and stops it from getting too cold, so far. I'm getting by well enough just putting the oil heater on for half an hour or so if the room I'm in gets chilly. At this rate I think I will be able to get away without fully activating the heating until about December.

Going to make quince jam today.

I've got a quince tree in the back garden that my mum planted 30 years ago because it reminded her of her childhood when my grandparents had one too.

The drawback with quince is that they need to be cooked or poached and can't be eaten right off the tree. Which may be one reason why not many people today have a quince tree. But they make delicious jams. I've also used them for sauces and gravies for wildfowl like duck or goose. You can even make quince wine from them, which, if done well, rivals many white wines.

>>472742

I think I've gone in to a bit too much detail already about the new job and plan to badmouth the company on here for the next few years, so I don't want to be too specific, but it's a town in or near the peaks. I wanted to be closer to the city, but this was the right combination of price and quality, so the 45 minute commute will just have to be dealt with. I'm not even in Manchester at all, I think I'm in Derbyshire.

>>472743

I was going to do this but I started overthinking and didn't want the possibility of them either calling the police (not that I think they would have done anything) or I don't know, let my tyres down or something. Unlikely, I know, but I thought it best to nip it in the bud, so I took their note, wrote "I live here =)" on the back and put it back under my wipers.

The note had dissapeared entirely an hour later. I hope that was embarrassing enough for them.

I'm doing sausages, mash and Yorkshire puddings for tea, served with veg and mushroom gravy.

I didn't realise until I was an adult that you're meant to cook stuffing mix in the oven. My parents would always stir it with some boiling water in a mug and then dollop it on the plate, so it'd have a similar consistency and texture as the mash.

>>472756
They fuck you up your mum and dad...

I'm half-joking, but as I've said before, I don't want to know what I'd be eating if it weren't for found family (the Hairy Bikers). The standard of home cooking in this country is utterly FUBAR, but well done, as it sounds like you're making a sound attempt to turn that around.

>>472748

Speaking of hot chocolate, it was my birthday last week and I was given this. It's a slab of solid chocolate and you break off chunks to dissolve in hot milk. Hit the spot today, very indulgent.

I've had a nice day with family - raspberry donuts and Tunnocks wafers for breakfast, heard from some who've recently come back from holiday (500g tax free tobacco; what sort of household do you see that in, I think it's gross). Following that was a rain swept walk across flat country during which a rain poncho proved very useful - I'll buy one for myself.

A free milkshake McTicket prompted me to buy a couple of McWraps for dinner. My diet has been terrible lately, nothing but carbs and confectionary. The scale says +11 pounds since summer, could you believe it..

I think there's something weird going on between me and my sisters BF. Today he boasted quite intensely of his aggressionon while on holiday .. pretty much showing himself off, including verbally drawing attention to and adjusting his junk a lot. Last time I saw them both I was perhaps inappropriately enthusiasic around my sister, telling her how good her outfit looks (including a faux pa mentioning how it looks like she's wearing no bra). A week after that I acompanied my sister on a brief clothes shop while I almost bought missgendered(?) socks for myself. We get on best when I'm acting gay and it feels great to have a friend I can be like that around, but then her boyfriend .. is taunting and showing of his cock? The atmosphere between use 3 today was weird, I'm wondering if he or they both don't like my interactions with her? My compliment of her clothes today was almost tense. If I'm honest I do fancy her a bit and have from time to time made myself uncomfortable by my behaviour - but then again I'm regularly asking people if I was a cunt today, so.. I don't know, I'll just have to be.. what, more restrained in my behaviour? Hopefully they were just tired from their recent return.

>>472754
Quince, you saucy sod. I've only ever seen them in videogames. I didn't do anything with the local apples and plums, though I did see a suprisingly ripe apple fallen from a tree today.

>>472758

>CON CHILE Y PIMIENTA

Was it spicy then?

On the flat move I caved and agreed with my housemate that I'd renew the contract with her. On the noble side she's just not in the right headspace to move and her plan to replace me in short order wasn't feasible, but also I couldn't really be arsed in the end so I took up her offer to cover the increase - less £50 because it's best I not entirely take advantage of her. I'm not sure if that was a smart decision all things considered given it's the path of stagnation and I just had someone reach out with a much nicer place for less money but oh well.

I decided to not follow-up with my date from last week because I could just see it being a repeat of previous relationships where I just end up with someone I'm incompatible with because I'm horny and then I risk becoming a 40-something year old man with an unstable wife who talks his ear off and has the mother-in-law over every week. It's no surprise there's a population crash, most of the people you meet in the world are fucking awful but I see the divorce rate also falling in a few years from bad matches that just never went anywhere.

>>472759
You need to spend less time with your sister and her ape boyfriend and more time with a girlfriend before you start walking around in her skin.

>>472766
>You need to spend less time with your sister and her ape boyfriend
Harsh but .. well maybe you're right in essence.

>>472759

>Quince, you saucy sod. I've only ever seen them in videogames.

What videogame has quince in it? Seems a bit specialist.

Some supermarkets have quince, I think I saw them once in M&S. If you're curious to look at one up close. They're expensive though, I think they were something like £6 a kilo. And they're quite heavy fruit, fully grown, so your £6 will only buy you about three or four of them.

The jam turned out really well. It's a good year for quince. With loads of them left after making the jam, I might actually make a quince wine again.

>>472780
>What videogame has quince in it? Seems a bit specialist.
It's a very niche Slavic/Germanic myth inspired MMORPG that currently trickles along at around 100 regular players.
Raw quinces can be eaten by your character to raise their will stat, which has various beneficial effects.
I'd have liked to offer you a screenshot but it's the kind of game in which finding a quince tree could take 5 minutes to 5 hours.

I probably won't be paying £6 for a small bag of fruit but I'm glad to have learned about them, cheers. I might take a tour around M&S, see whats about. I haven't seen a star fruit since I was 7.

>>472758
You might want to try this:

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/153301088267

That's something that has shot up in price. It's now £20.34 for a kg of hot chocolate flakes but they were charging £15.99 early last year.

>>472780
>What videogame has quince in it? Seems a bit specialist.
I learnt about quince from a game. I can't remember what it was called, but it was one of the many dozens that came free with my family's first computer back in 1998 when they gave you loads of free software with any new computer. I didn't play that game, but my sister loved it. I think animals asked for various fruits to make recipes, and it turns out there are loads of fruits I'd never heard of. "Kitty needs two pineapples and a watermelon - click on two pineapples and one watermelon from the fruits on the shelf." It was that sort of game. It also taught me about kumquats, although just like with the quinces, the answer was always to just click the thing you'd never seen before.

>>472790

>Raw quinces can be eaten by your character to raise their will stat

It would take will power to eat a whole raw quince. I tried to snack on a few smallish pieces yesterday while making the jam, but it's not something most people will enjoy. The flavour itself is nicely tart, but it's also very adstringent from all the tannins in quince, and the texture of raw quince can almost be like soft wood.

But yeah. Make them into jam or wine, or use them in a wildfowl dish, and you will love it.

There's a famous English medieval dish called Goose Sauce Madame, once reserved for the noble upper classes, which requires quince for the gravy sauce. Bit of a posh recipe even today. Goose tends to be considerably more expensive to buy than turkey. And then you've still got to source the quince.

Operation Can I Save This Fucked Suit Jacket is a go.

Can I? I don't know, we'll have to wait until the machine's done and it's dried off, but hand washing it in dish soap was actually quite a calming experience. If you're wondering what happened to the jacket, let's just say it's a little more oleaginous than when I originally purchased it.

Status report: After rinsing the jacket my washing machine is refusing to unlock. Please advise.

>>472856

Have you tried making the door locking mechanism a little more oleaginous?

Don't spunk on your suit. Don't spunk on your washing machine.

It's out. It's drying. Only time will tell.

>>472857
Alright, I know I'm talking clothing, but there's no need to get shirty.

>>472858
If the massive stains on this jacket were from my spunk I'd have died in a manner not dismilar to the Nazi who drinks from the wrong grail in Indiana Jones.

Where's our friendly local mushroom expert? Can you tell me what type this is? My parents had it when I visited last week, and it was massive. I promise none of us are going to eat it.

>>472862

Probably a birch bolete, Leccinum scabrum. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leccinum_scabrum

It's edible, but it's not a highly regarded species among most foragers. And you want to stick to fresher examples that are still firm to the touch. Yours looks like it could already be a bit weathered.

>>472859
>If the massive stains on this jacket were from my spunk
>my spunk
>my

Not denying that it's spunk, only that if it is, it's more than one man's load.

>>472859

>If the massive stains on this jacket were from my spunk I'd have died in a manner not dismilar to the Nazi who drinks from the wrong grail in Indiana Jones.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyperspermia

In drugs, hyperspermia is a condition characterized by an abnormally large amount of semen or ejaculate volume. It is typically defined as an ejaculate volume exceeding 5.5 mL.

>>472863
Thank you very much! I assumed it looked a bit nasty just because it was growing in that soil where no actual grass grows and it's just moss. We are not a green-fingered family.

>>472864
You said "don't spunk on your suit". That clearly implies my spunk, on my suit. Don't think you can trick me so easily, pal - I used the word oleaginous in a sentence earlier today.

>>472865
>It is typically defined as an ejaculate volume exceeding 5.5 mL
I was carrying a huge bowl of Mediterranean style salad, which no one had eaten, while drunk, and tripped on the step into an unfamiliar house. I reckon I got about half-a-pint of oily, nutritious, veg-water, at a minimum, on the jacket. So I stand by my original assessment. I'd definitely pass out from the shock if that much cum shot out of me.

>>472867
No-Fap November's coming up. I try to spend one month every year not wanking, and when you finally unleash, the volumes can be pretty impressive.

>>472867

Interesting.

So when did you start spunking in your salads?

>>472866

Some of the best mushrooms grow on mossy terrain. Go to a pine or spruce forest with moss around the roots and the forest floor, and at the right time, you could be spotting loads of bay boletes. Which I actually prefer to everybody's elusive favourite, the cep. Bay boletes are also far more numerous wherever they occur, while ceps like to keep to themselves a bit more.

I cut the palm of my hand today while peeling potatoes, when the peeling knife slipped and penetrated my skin across the palm so that there's now a two inch cut. It's a surprisingly awkward place for a cut. A band aid won't stick for long, and it hurts a bit with every hand movement. I keep putting hand sanitiser on it every few hours. Hopefully it will sort itself out within a few days. At least it's not my dominant hand.

>>472868
I don't doubt it. And look at that, just seven sleeps till No-Wankmas.

>>472869
When I started feeding them to your sister.

>>472873
It might be a bit late in the day for this, but if it's a reasonably deep cut and you have a 24 hour supermarket within reach, go and get some Steri-Strips. They absolutely will hold it closed. Also you might be better off keeping it dry for a while.

>>472875

I always superglue my cuts closed, which is very reliable but burns like an absolute bastard.

>>472876

Try Dermabond next time. It's a slightly altered form of cyanoacrylate, which is more suitable for skin lesions than regular super glue. I had a cut above my temple this spring, and they glued it with said Dermabond in A&E. I had no irritations at all.

I've had crackers and cheese for breakfast. Unfortunately it was a tangy Wensleydale rather than a creamy one.

I got a steal on a used Specialized Sirrus bicycle for £20, put some new tyres on it for £35, and ended up selling my fancy mountain bike. It's great to have a pub bike that I can lock up anywhere and not worry or care about it getting stolen. I can actually use a bike as a method of transportation now instead of purely as a toy that I take out on sunny days to ride around and blast choonz through the bike speaker.

The word kurwa seems to be very versatile in Polish. As somebody explained to me today.

>>472883
How have you avoided Poles until 2025?

>>472884

Up until this point, I thought it was just an expression for a prostitute.

It always surprises me how much the weather changes your diet and tastes. All I want are warm pies and other calorie/fat rich foods now.

>>472881
Be sure to absolutely thrash it down tight canal paths so that nobody else can use them.

Remember the clocks change tonight! I had completely forgotten.

>>472886

It's our lizard brains telling us to fatten up for the lean times of winter.

The first time in a week I've not woken up as a result of some kind of minor nightmare, and it's because I've slept funny and have a headache. Did I get cursed by an Altmer or something? I told her I liked tall girls, and it didn't seem like she took it badly at the time.

Oh, I feel rotten this morning. I went out for drinks and a meal last night, but because the meal was so late I pretty much went straight home after a couple more drinks, had a shag and then went straight to sleep. If I eat that close to sleeping I'll wake up with acid reflux, which must have happened half a dozen times in the night. I'm not hungover, just tired and I'm one of those people who generally can't go back to proper sleep once I've woken up from about 6ish onwards.

I've somehow made my tongue and the roof of my mouth really sore. Not sure how. Must have been mouth breathing in my sleep and let my tongue rub against the sharp edges of my teeth. Anyway it sucks because I'm having to eat very gingerly and carefully.