I'm not sure .gs really needs to be implicated in the birthing of a supervillain.

The best option is a mulch barrier. Cut everything down with a strimmer and cover what remains in cardboard, then a good layer of manure. The lack of oxygen and sunlight kills everything underneath it, without leaving any herbicide residues.

Blasting everything with glyphosate will work, but you'll also need to do a lot of soil remediation work if the garden has been neglected.

>>2716
How? I just want to kill everything green in my garden, and maybe when I have enough dosh - to splash gravel everywhere.

>>2717
Thanks lad.

Sounds like a lot of work/investment. Would it work if I cut down everything and covered the whole garden with a patchwork of tarps held down my massive rocks?

>Blasting everything with glyphosate will work, but you'll also need to do a lot of soil remediation work if the garden has been neglected.
Why would I need soil remediation? I just want nothing to grow there again.

>>2717 Blasting everything with glyphosate will work
It'll smell rank (really rank) as everything dies off, and then you'll have piles of stinking decomposing shit to get rid of. Fire might help.
How about a (petrol, preferably) strimmer with a disc blade, or brushcutter, and get rid in the green bin over a few months / pay someone to take it away.
Are you sure that a rancid wasteland is better than overgrown? Stuff grows back pretty fast - you'll need a plan. Stuff grows through gravel, too. Unless you really, really hate greenery, you might be better off going with the flow a bit. Maybe lawn instead of gravel? Mowing kills off everything that isn't grass.
Nothing terribly wrong with antihistamines, they stop me bloating like a corpse and sneezing important internal organs out. (Except Benadryl - that shit gives me scary and deeply unpleasant dreams every time I try it).
Grow food. It's like self-packing rice...

>>2719
Carpet will work better than tarps. Going to be an eyesore either way, may as well not have it flapping around.
I'm not sure you're aware of how much effort and money gravel will take. What sort of area are you looking at?

>>2719

>I just want nothing to grow there again.

Weeds grow like, well, weeds - if there's any amount of soil, something will grow. If you kill off all the weeds, they'll just grow back within a year.

If you really want no plants at all in your garden, you'll need to pave it.

>>2722 If you really want no plants at all in your garden, you'll need to pave it.
Or fence it and grow pigs. No chance of anything green surviving. Of course, the neighbours won't be pleased, but none of these ideas are crowd-pleasers, and at least OP can have bacon at the end of the year.
Grow things, OP. It's good for the soul / sanity / relationships. Cheaper and easier than ensuring that nothing grows, too.
(Sodium Chlorate is what I was trying to remember, as a persistent herbicide - but it looks like it got banned in 2009. Trying to buy lots of it will get you on a list, too...)

>Fire might help.
-britfa.gs, on gardening.

This is bunker lad all over again.

Do what the other guy said about growing food. Make yourself a good composite heap, plant some fruit trees then use the rest for growing vegetables.

>>2725

They all said I was daft to bury a shed in me garden. But I did it all the same.

Right lads, I've had a good look today to see if I could cut down everything. It's safe to say that it is badly overgrown. Very badly. I have been looking for weed killers on ebay. They all seem expensive, and they all seem to have different functions.

What would you recommend? Also, would I have MI5 knocking on my door if I order a lot of this stuff?

>>2727
I got a litre or two of whatever B&Q sell that you spray on leaves, it's very effective. Problem is that it leaves the patio looking like the OP image; the plant matter doesn't go away just because it's dead.

You could just buy a shitload of salt, that works.

>>2728
Fuck me. Salt. Fucking hell. I will try some tomorrow.

Salt will take weeks, maybe months, and you're going to need a lot of it. There ar reasons why nobody does this.

>>2730
Really? Websites I've been reading state that normal cooking salt will kill everything in three days.

>>2731

There are also websites that claim we, and everything around us, was created by an invisible, and uncontactable, uncreated being who then later decides he will eternally torture everyone who doesn't believe in him unless they accept his magic Jew son who is born to a virgin who is descended from a woman born from a mans rib.

Don't trust the internet all the time lad.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>touching anything green gives me really bad rashes and other weird outbreaks

Erm, it might it be worth asking what causes this. It's early so maybe I'm missing something but I assume you have been to the doctor if everything green could potentially kill you.

Thinking long-term it might be a better idea identifying what causes the allergic reaction then you can pay a guy to remove the bad plants and replacing them with something to fill the void. This will somewhat address the problem without knocking off thousands from the resale value of your property.

>>2733
I'm set on my path, friend.

Next up, either:
I hate this stinking desolate wasteland. How do I grow things in it?
Fucking weeds growing on my desolate stinking wasteland. Wat do?
Fuck me, gravel and paving is expensive. Any cheaper options?
Fuck me, spent a fortune on gravel. Weeds are growing through it.
Regrets, lad. You'll have a few.

When in doubt, turn to the Holy Book. Salt the earth, m62. You can thank me later.

>Would it work if I cut down everything and covered the whole garden with a patchwork of tarps held down my massive rocks?

I did this and it worked OK. You might have to dig stumps if there are trees growing in it.

I also had to till (I just used a pitchfork), fertilize, and sow grass seed on parts of the garden I wasn't using to prevent the weeds from coming back.

>>2735
You need to discover horticultural fabric lad. Stops all the weeds.