[ rss / options / help ]
post ]
[ b / iq / g / zoo ] [ e / news / lab ] [ v / nom / pol / eco / emo / 101 / shed ]
[ art / A / beat / boo / com / fat / job / lit / map / mph / poof / £$€¥ / spo / uhu / uni / x / y ] [ * | sfw | o ]
logo
problems

Return ] Entire Thread ] Last 50 posts ]

Posting mode: Reply [Last 50 posts]
Reply ]
Subject   (reply to 26758)
Message
File  []
close
decisions.jpg
267582675826758
>> No. 26758 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 12:03 am
26758 spacer
I've been with my gf for the past 4 years. I am 26, she 24.

I love her dearly, I don't think I'll find any one like her, she has shown so much forgiveness, so much love and care for me.

However... I am desperately looking to shag other girls. I haven't done that... although I have 'mildly' cheated numerous times by kissing girls on nights out etc. Recently however it's been really eating at me. I have an insane sexual appetite, she has quite the opposite. I've tried to address this with her so, so many times, she says she is going to work on it, and nothing happens.

I'm going to Tokyo on holiday soon. Last time I was there I resisted an incredible amount of urges, and caved to some others... I did feel guilty about these things, for a while, then it passed. I feel I have to process some sort of decision beforehand because I am an absolute animal when drunk. I change into someone who gives zero fucks in that moment.

I don't want to break up with her. I don't think I CAN. She's an ideal long-term partner, objectively speaking. She is intelligent, considerate, loving, achieving. I love her to bits. I would regret it.

I understand the common advice would be to "break up with her and shag away", but if I think about life in a calculated, sterile, 'sensible' way, then the optimum choice, the one that makes the most sense for my quality of life, my long term well-being, is to stay with her and just cheat occasionally to get it out of my system. Now I understand that isn't a very nice thing to say, but life advice generally revolves around making decisions, often difficult, that better yourself. Is that not right? Why does it differ on such an important area, relationships?
1 post omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 26760 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 12:24 am
26760 spacer
>then the optimum choice, the one that makes the most sense for my quality of life, my long term well-being, is to stay with her and just cheat occasionally to get it out of my system. Now I understand that isn't a very nice thing to say, but life advice generally revolves around making decisions, often difficult, that better yourself. Is that not right?

What about her long term well-being? What about bettering her life? You cannot do that by remaining unfaithful, and if you're not concerned about how she feels - and you have not mentioned once that you are - then you are clearly not as smitten with her as you claim.

Either make the 'sacrifice' of not being a fanny hound and stop cheating on her, and enjoy her for the ideal long-term partner you say she is, or do yourself a favour and break up with her before you hurt her, badly.

It's perfectly legitimate to break up with someone because they can't or won't give you the sexual attention you need, that's just proof you're not as compatible as all that. Either move on or learn to cope with her lack of libido and have a wank.
>> No. 26761 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 12:30 am
26761 spacer
>>26759
Most of these incidents she knows about. She has forgiven me. Kissing is also another ball-game to full on fucking another girl. That I know she wouldn't forgive me for.


>>26760
>What about her long term well-being? What about bettering her life? You cannot do that by remaining unfaithful.

Of course if she knew about it, that would be impossible. But assuming she doesn't know about it, well, why not? I make her incredibly happy as is.
>> No. 26767 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 3:07 am
26767 spacer
>>26761

So you're happy to lie to her? To serve your own ends, or because you believe ignorance is bliss - either way you're not a good partner.

Whatever happiness you may bring her now is essential false, if it can all be undone by her knowing what you get up to when she's not looking. Imagine for a minute the reason she never wants to shag you is because she's seeing other people too? It's alright if you never know about it, right?

The fact you're so very cold about the whole thing is rather odd. I think you'd be better off single and shagging whoever you pleased, and she definitely would be too.
>> No. 26769 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 6:38 am
26769 spacer
We seem to be having a fair few of these threads on /emo/ recently.

Has "how do I talk to girls?" been replaced with "I've got a girl but I want to sleep around"?
>> No. 26770 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 11:56 am
26770 spacer
>>26769
I guess we three must be growing up.

Except me, I'm still at the "can't talk to girls" stage.
>> No. 26771 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 1:52 pm
26771 spacer
>>26758

Is she on the pill? Get her to stop taking it, if she is, when you come back from Tokyo and report back so we can confirm that lads theory from another thread.
>> No. 26772 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 1:54 pm
26772 spacer
>>26767
>you're not a good partner.

I genuinely understand what everyone is saying, I do, but to play DA, why can I not fuck a Jap here and there and still be a good partner? I provide her with an incredible amount of love, security, stability. What She Doesn't Know Can't Hurt Her, right? And if I'm not an idiot, how could she?

> Imagine for a minute the reason she never wants to shag you is because she's seeing other people too? It's alright if you never know about it, right?

It wouldn't be alright, but I know her, she's a good person. She wouldn't. I know that is hypocritical, but being hypocritical isn't always a bad thing if it objectively betters ones self.

It doesn't matter any way. I'm too pussy to do anything about it. I'd rather cheat on her and suffer that guilt than to break her by breaking up. I can't see her broken. And I don't know if I SHOULD any way.

>>26769
>>26770

I'm 26 and have been here for about 9 years. Over the years I have sought advice on how to talk to girls. In fairness I've had a lot of great advice. Shame I turned out a bit of a knob.
>> No. 26773 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 1:55 pm
26773 spacer
>>26771
She is on the pill, what is the lads theory? I assume its a loss of libido. Because she's said in the past that it does affect her like that.
>> No. 26774 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 2:27 pm
26774 spacer
>>26772
>Shame I turned out a bit of a knob.

You can say that again. It's alright for you to sleep around but not for her? You are everything wrong with men.
>> No. 26775 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 2:32 pm
26775 spacer
>>26774
Yes, I'm sure this attitude/scenario is entirely limited to men.
>> No. 26776 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 2:38 pm
26776 spacer
>>26775
Aw poor manly man feels under attack so he has to deliberately misconstrue what I said.
>> No. 26777 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 2:45 pm
26777 spacer
OP you haven't been clear about the motives for your desire to sleep around.

Is it because you're not getting enough sex from her? Then you're not compatible and the relationship has no future. Talk about these issues with her and then break up if she is not capable of changing. Simple.

Is it because you simply desire other women in addition to her? I personally feel that diversity in sexual partners is a natural impulse and monogamy is a conspiracy by the church, so that's OK. But you must still be honest with your partner. If it's not OK with her but you want to do it anyway because "it's what's best for you", then you don't think her feelings have any weight in this equation and that makes you a love rat at best and a psychopath at worst.
>> No. 26778 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 3:42 pm
26778 spacer
>>26777
I simply desire other women in addition to her. I could be having sex every 5 minutes with her and I still would. I'll try and approach it with her. Gently suggest some things.
>> No. 26779 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 4:25 pm
26779 spacer
>>26772

Being hypocritical doesn't 'better yourself', it makes you an actively worse person. Sleeping with other women doesn't better yourself either, as all you're doing is giving in to your base desires. You do not NEED to fuck these women, nothing about the experience will improve your life for any longer than the act itself, and is that really enough?

It's also presumptuous to say you would 'break' your girlfriend if she found out you were cheating - it's more likely she'd be upset for a month or two, then move on, and maybe find someone who won't fuck her about like you are. You're denying her agency, deciding what's best for her and hiding information from her to 'protect her' - she's an adult woman, let her make her own decisions.

And acting like it's okay just because she doesn't know is utterly despicable, especially when you seem to realise you'd not be with her if she did the same. Honestly I can't think of a better thing you could do for this girl than leave her. I don't care how much you tell me you 'give' to her, she's living a fucking lie because of you, you awful narcissist.

And don't kid yourself that you're so clever she'll never find out - she probably will, and then what? Don't be a knob.
>> No. 26780 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 4:53 pm
26780 spacer
>And unless you're a psychopath there's no way to do that.

This. If you are a psychopath, however, go for it.

There is literally no downside unless you get caught, and because you are a psychopath, the "love" you think you feel for her is really only an emulation of emotion based on the assumption that it's how you're supposed to feel. When you really search yourself, you will realise you feel absolutely nothing for her besides the utterly selfish desire for reliable companionship and the fact it allows you to more easily pass for normal.

I've been a serial cheater through most of my relationships and I am not proud of it, but I won't lie to you and try to dissuade you. My thing has always been shagging exes on the side- I just occasionally get nostalgia for certain things they did in bed or certain aspects of their personality, and simply find a way to worm my way back in. It helps that I'm reportedly a very high grade shag, but I've never exactly thought of myself as much of a Casanova, so if I can manage it and get away with it you probably can too.

If one woman is not enough but you're too selfish to go in for genuine polyamory, it's the only real choice. Just don't do it if you do indeed feel guilt like a normal emotionally functional human being. It will consume you, bring about projected mistrust and insecurity, and pretty much ruin everything.

Objectively, it's a bad decision, but your mind is already made up and you know it is. The best you can do is make sure you know what you're putting yourself in for.
>> No. 26781 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 5:28 pm
26781 spacer
That thing in the background on the left... is it potatoes in a hanging basket?
>> No. 26782 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 6:16 pm
26782 spacer
>>26781
Look like kiwis to me.
>> No. 26783 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 6:28 pm
26783 spacer
>>26782
They look too big to be kiwis. Maybe it's some weird Chink fruit.
>> No. 26784 Anonymous
7th June 2018
Thursday 6:33 pm
26784 spacer
>>26781

Looks like Monk Fruit.
>> No. 26787 Anonymous
8th June 2018
Friday 12:57 am
26787 spacer

1200px-Square_watermelon.jpg
267872678726787
>>26781
They look like Melons. Fruit in Japan is weird. It's either the wrong shape or costs as much as a meal. I bought a pack of tangerines for a tenner once.
>> No. 26790 Anonymous
8th June 2018
Friday 3:43 pm
26790 spacer
>>26781

Pomelos.
>> No. 26791 Anonymous
8th June 2018
Friday 3:45 pm
26791 spacer
>>26790
Aren't they in charge of Spain now?
>> No. 26792 Anonymous
8th June 2018
Friday 5:37 pm
26792 spacer
>>26791
Nah, they got the Owen Jones kiss of death.
>> No. 26799 Anonymous
8th June 2018
Friday 7:45 pm
26799 spacer
Have you considered developing a passion and focus for a particularly perverted genre of porn? That might satisfy your need for excitement for a bit, without cheating on your partner.

Just, y'know, don't let it get too far on the wrong side of that bill about porn. I still say absolutely hardcore BDSM porn is fine when you know the performers are doing it because that's their career and they've getting paid to enjoy having their bollock skin flayed off with birch canes (would you honestly get into hardcore CBT performances if you didn't enjoy your job?) but please do not take this as carte blanche to become a darknet pedo.
>> No. 26804 Anonymous
9th June 2018
Saturday 9:07 am
26804 spacer
>>26799

Trust me lad, that will only add fuel to the fire. There's no pain in existence like having a fetish your partner won't partake in, or even worse, tries their best but simply doesn't get it and it never quite arouses you the way it should.
>> No. 26807 Anonymous
9th June 2018
Saturday 11:51 am
26807 spacer
>>26772 So... you're not really after advice, are you?
>> No. 26811 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 12:45 am
26811 spacer
>>26807

Sorry to be That Cunt, but very few people posting on /emo/ are. They're either looking for sympathy or validation of a decision they've effectively already taken.
>> No. 26813 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 1:29 am
26813 spacer

f.jpg
268132681326813
OP here, well I've given it some thought and I've taken all of your comments into consideration. I've begun to talk to her about the fact I am not fully sexually satisfied. In turn we have both decided it would be exciting, and possibly sexually re-invigorating, if I started making amateur porn with her. Not necessarily with me always involved , but doing something with the underlying aim of showing her off. When she was a teenager, this is apparently something she did. She had a blog which had regular followers, so I think I can see why she'd be keen on that. She wants to be desired. I do very much love the girl and I don't want to cheat on her. I will say though that I am young, and I am certainly an idiot, I may even be a bit of a dickhead really, especially my drunken self... so if anything DOES happen abroad, I am to be honest with myself, with her, and approach is in the most sober and fair way I can. I've decided I may always be a bit of a flirt, but as long as nothing physical becomes of it, then that to me is an acceptable level of sin. Some of you may agree, may disagree, but you cant' please everyone. I have been quite concerned however with some of the comments here, some people have said I'm a psychopath or a cunt, generally just getting at my core morals, what feels like my soul. If I'm being honest they have quite upset me. I've never taken myself as a sort of womaniser. I'm a sensitive sort, quite timid overall. I've always felt a victim. I would like some real honest opinions on how you've read me as so, because it might be the 2cb talking, but I want to work on myself as a person, I want to see my failings. I've come here for advice, genuinely, and although it may seem I am fighting back, I am still taking on board what you say. When I ask for advice I am not saying tell me why I'm wrong, tell me what I'm doing wrong, I am asking you to convince me I am doing wrong. So I am going to push back. But that means I am engaging my issues.
>> No. 26814 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 1:31 am
26814 spacer
>>26813
I will also say that I've the intention of asking her for a threesome in the future. My goal is to get her on MD or something similar and get her thinking freely and without inhibition, and to ask her then. She once said we could have one if it was a close friend of hers. That agreement has since fallen to the core of the earth but nonetheless she said it... not sure if good idea/bad idea.
>> No. 26815 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 5:01 am
26815 spacer
>>26813

>I would like some real honest opinions on how you've read me as so

For me, it was that you didn't seem to show any sort of worry about how your girlfriend might feel. Your original post was mostly about how you should stay with her for your own benefit. It came across as you lacking any sort of empathy for your partner, and your later comments of 'well she doesn't know so it's fine' feels like a sociopathic lack of empathy. If you are truly concerned about how you affect her (beyond "she loves me so much I can't leave her"), then fine, but you have not managed to send that message to us thus far.

When your closing question is "is it okay to cheat on my girlfriend occasionally if it improves my life?" then you need to expect people to question your morals.
>> No. 26817 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 2:16 pm
26817 spacer
>>26814
So you're going to drug your girlfriend to get her to say she wants have a threesome?

Lad. Sort yourself out.
>> No. 26818 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 4:15 pm
26818 spacer
> I have an insane sexual appetite, she has quite the opposite. I've tried to address this with her so, so many times, she says she is going to work on it

Excuse my ignorance, but how exactly do you work on increasing your sexual appetite?

Also, not to piss up your leg here, but somebody's low-key sexual desire can also stem from their partner just not having that certain something to get their juices running.

Why do I say that? My first girlfriend could never really arsed to have more than the typical Sunday-night-before-going-home sex, and even that sometimes didn't happen. We were together one and a half years. We were kind of mismatched any way you were looking at us, but my point is, she morphed into quite a sex perv together with her next boyfriend. He told me a few things about after when she, in turn, broke up with him. Apparently, she had developed a predilection for roleplay and a bit of s&m, and things like sex toys and butt plugs.

And that from somebody who really only used to want to have sex with me with the lights out.

The other side of the coin was that I used to secretly pretend in my head that she was somebody elsewhile we were having sex in the dark, because I, too, didn't feel overly stimulated by her. So we were both kind of not doing much for each other, in the end.
>> No. 26819 Anonymous
10th June 2018
Sunday 4:17 pm
26819 spacer
>>26818

>Also, not to piss up your leg here, but somebody's low-key sexual desire can also stem from their partner just not having that certain something to get their juices running.

The fact that in >>26813 he says she used to shoot (and publish) amateur porn might speak to that being true. That's not typically something someone with a low sex drive does.
>> No. 26820 Anonymous
11th June 2018
Monday 1:50 am
26820 spacer
>>26813

From this post I'm getting a distinct "the twist is she was on FabSwingers all along getting railed by black dudes and he never even suspected" kind of vibe. Be careful what you wish for going down this path mate.

2CB is awful by the way, get some proper acid or tryptamines at least. That way you can at least achieve the kind of introspection you might need to make sense of all this.
>> No. 29786 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 12:56 am
29786 spacer
OP here, I'm going to give you all the update none of you asked for. I scrolled through all of the threads, bored, and remembered this was mine.

Firstly, reading my comments back from a few years ago is quite odd. A lot of it doesn't sound like the type of person I imagined I was. I sound like quite the dickhead. I think I was high or drunk.

As for my Tokyo trip. Yes, I cheated on her a lot in very peculiar hotels, and yes I accepted afterwards I was being an awful cunt towards her, and grew some balls and ended it. I didn't tell her the full truth because that would only serve to make me feel better, and make her feel worse.

I then suffered a bereavement and was plunged into some sort of existential crisis regarding my own mortality and became, paradoxically, suicidal. To a lesser extent I am still suffering this, and the whole thing has made me better in introspective terms. Which sounds like a good thing, but it isn't so enjoyable when you're a cunt.

I was put on SSRI's (sertraline) and have since lost my sexual appetite anyway, so ain't that something.
>> No. 29787 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 1:54 am
29787 spacer
>>29786
Should have just gone to strip clubs, fuck full blown cheating, that shit isn't cool.
>> No. 29788 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 3:09 am
29788 spacer
>>29787

Does sex tourism really count as cheating? I'd definitely be getting one of those soapy massage wanks if I ever make it to Tokyo.
>> No. 29789 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 11:00 am
29789 spacer
>>29788
Well, yes. But they were mostly Australian girls I met on some app, and two Japanese girls I met in these hilarious renditions of British pubs called Hubs.
>> No. 29790 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 11:53 am
29790 spacer
>>29786
Well fuck mate yeah. Hope you're managing regardless

Do you feel you've learnt or grown from the experience?

And I realise it's an impossible question but do you think things would have actually worked out with your ex if you hadn't decided to get your willy wet outside the relationship?
>> No. 29791 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 12:42 pm
29791 spacer
Man, I'd love some sticky sweet satay chiken right now.
>> No. 29792 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 12:55 pm
29792 spacer
>>29789

What do their fannies look like, underneath the pixels?
>> No. 29793 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 1:03 pm
29793 spacer
>>29792

Upside down, given that they're Aussies.
>> No. 29794 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 2:29 pm
29794 spacer
>>29792

Japanese genitals are pixelated IRL, hence their perilously low birthrate.
>> No. 29795 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 5:03 pm
29795 spacer
>>29790
I feel like I've grown, certainly.

She was my first proper girlfriend, and I think I needed to get something out of my system in order to properly mature. I'm not glad I did what I did, I still feel guilt about it, but I am glad I eventually recognised it was wrong.

I don't think it would have worked out. I think in the end I would have left her regardless.

>>29792
One was entirely unkempt, the other neat as. I've spent a lot of time in Japan since, and the women are, in all honestly, quite weird.
>> No. 29796 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 8:04 pm
29796 spacer
>>29794
I honestly think all porn should be pixilated; it'd definitely help people maintain a healthier attitude toward genitals. Who knows, maybe without so many pictures to compare I wouldn't be so grossed out by beef curtains.
>> No. 29797 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 8:16 pm
29797 spacer
>>29796

Lolly Badcock will cure your curtain aversion. You'll realise quicly you'd be okay with gammon hangers flopping about on your face if someone like her was talking filth to you while doing it.

Surely the more fannies you see, the less you think about how they "should" look, as you'll never find two the same. And a neat innie one feels no better or worse on my knob than a floppy outie one.
>> No. 29798 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 8:56 pm
29798 spacer
>>29797

Arsehole > fanny.
>> No. 29799 Anonymous
14th June 2020
Sunday 1:42 am
29799 spacer
>>29792
A female mate talked about going to one of those hot spring spas there and being surprised at the sheer volume of hair going on (I remember her doing this "poof" motion with her hands), it sounded like even trimming pubic hair was the exception. Mind that was nearly 10 years ago now, I wouldn't be too surprised to hear that tube sites had changed everything there too.

>>29796
I'm not sure that Japan, of all countries, could ever be a poster child for healthy attitudes towards sex or genitalia.
>> No. 29800 Anonymous
15th June 2020
Monday 7:34 pm
29800 spacer
>>29799
> I'm not sure that Japan, of all countries, could ever be a poster child for healthy attitudes towards sex or genitalia.

If rubbin' an octopus on a terrified teenage girl's crotch is wrong, hey, I don't wanna be right.
>> No. 29801 Anonymous
15th June 2020
Monday 9:17 pm
29801 spacer

342287.jpg
298012980129801
>>29800

Return ] Entire Thread ] Last 50 posts ]
whiteline

Delete Post []
Password