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>> No. 28694 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 10:26 pm
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My girlfriend is deep in a manic depressive episode and has come to the conclusion that she should end her life in the near future once she has 'a few things in place'. I think mainly financial and childcare type things as she has a child in primary school. There have been ups and downs before but in the past she was adamant that no matter how bad it got she would never consider suicide.

She is still sending me messages but has made it quite clear that we probably shouldn't be together anymore - 'find someone better than me etc.'

She has struggled for a while and is under a crisis team but won't reach out to them and is also refusing to take her meds. I think she has only told me about her intentions so far.

What the fuck am I supposed to do? I've been there and talked her out of dark times before, but this seems pretty final.

I've kept this to myself for the last day or so because we're still communicating and it's something at least. I know the first name of her nurse in the crisis team and also can get in touch with a relative she is close to if need be. I think it would cause a lot of pain to her and her family if they knew.
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>> No. 28696 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 10:29 pm
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> I think it would cause a lot of pain to her and her family if they knew.

Apologies for being blunt, but it'll cause exponentially more pain if she kills herself. Get in touch with these people as soon as you can.
>> No. 28697 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 10:39 pm
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I know and I'm leaning towards this. I guess I'm just hoping there's a more delicate way forward.
>> No. 28698 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 11:08 pm
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It's reasonable to hope there's a more discreet path to take, but ultimately, somebody who is suicidal isn't in their right mind and they are unpredictable. It will cause alarm and she'll be pissed off, especially at you if she knows it was you, but they need to know, someone in this state of mind needs people in physical proximity who can support them and stop them doing anything daft.

I had a mate top himself earlier on this year. He had two kids with an awful bitch of an ex who was half the cause of it; but after all has been said and done it's those kids who will grow up without a dad who will suffer the most. He attempted it a couple of times before he succeeded, and we thought he'd come through the worst of it when it happened. The trouble is you can't take your eye off someone for two minutes in case they decide to string themselves up; never mind when their closest friends live a substantial distance away and couldn't reasonably be there for them if they wanted to.

You might think it would do more harm than good to get her family involved, but if she goes ahead and does it anyway you'll forever regret not doing something.
>> No. 28699 Anonymous
3rd July 2019
Wednesday 11:54 pm
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She has a medical problem and needs treatment. The nature of that medical problem means that she's unlikely to seek treatment of her own volition right now. Making sure she gets treatment is the moral equivalent of giving CPR to someone who has just gone into cardiac arrest - it's not technically consensual, but it could save their life and it's your duty to do so.

Contact the crisis team and let them know that she's off her meds and is actively suicidal. If you get a message that really worries you or the messages stop abruptly, call 999 and ask for an ambulance. She might not thank you for it right now, but doing nothing might play on your conscience for the rest of your life.
>> No. 28700 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 1:20 pm
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Well, I've called up the crisis team. It seems like they'll follow up with her but due to data protection and whatnot I have no further involvement. The lady on the phone was almost nonchalant asking whether it was self-harm or suivide she was threatening and how soon she might do it. Quite surreal, really.

I've also told her cousin and sent a few screenshots of messages. She's fucking fuming at me now.

I'm worried that she will lie and be deceptive when dealing with the people I've told.
>> No. 29650 Anonymous
8th May 2020
Friday 7:39 pm
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Feels a bit strange coming back to this thread after almost a year.

I've stuck with her and there have been some good times. Lately it seems a lot of bad times - medication changes, work changes, lifestyle changes, virus and lockdown shite.

Some of the ways her behaviour manifests borders on the abusive - stopping me from leaving a room, hiding keys, keeping me awake. I think a lot of this is rooted in self-hatred and being close to rock bottom - frustration with the world and with herself that gets directed outwards. She apologises and I've been close to walking out numerous times. What I struggle with is how accountable I can hold her for her own actions. Is she in control?

I'm not perfect by any means and often times don't support her enough (if anyone could?). Lately there have been very few positive days and she is so sensitive that I have been careful about what I say or do around her. Yesterday I tried to end things - after a lot of tears and pleading she agreed to stay elsewhere overnight and give me space for a few days. This morning at 7am she woke me up and I let her in. She hadn't slept and the place 'wasn't suitable'. After talking it out a lot I think we're going to take it a little slowly and see if things improve.

Part of me feels like I've just given in, the other part is maybe optimistic. I'm not sure I can see my future with her but she is certain that hers is with me.

This is more of a vent than anything else, I guess. If anyone has advice it would be welcome.
>> No. 29670 Anonymous
18th May 2020
Monday 2:10 am
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>medication changes
This implies she's taking medication at least, so that sounds like an improvement from where you were last year. Honestly, though, from what you've mentioned I'm equally concerned about your own mental wellbeing.

>Some of the ways her behaviour manifests borders on the abusive - stopping me from leaving a room, hiding keys, keeping me awake
It's hard to offer advice because there's so much potential variability here - "stopping me leaving a room" might just be an arm on the door handle for a minute or two while you're having a minor disagreement, "hiding keys" can be a petulant game and "keeping you awake" could just be irritating "are you still awake? Wow, I can't sleep. I'm just wide awake over here" etc. If, however, there are substantial physical altercations, or if she's regularly preventing you from leaving the house with the front door/car keys, or regularly and deliberately denying you proper rest, then these are serious matters and are unquestionably abusive.

We have a significant problem in this country recognising that significant numbers of men are the target of various forms of domestic abuse. If you look up examples of domestic abuse online, it is genuinely shocking how many of them use gendered pronouns, such that the man is the abuser and the woman the victim. Prepare yourself for this, and then go read, and see if any of it fits. There are also hotlines specifically for men:
Give them a go.

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