|>>|| No. 29115
Aight lads. tldr; was in a position to win 2 seperate fights, odds in my favour, and bitched out both times.
I'm a 6' skinnyfit guy in my late 20's, no formal fighting experience, who has generally dealt with their childhood anger issues and now smokes a lot of weed. This has left me generally placid and kind of slow to anger.
I was heading along a bridge after a night out, had just smoked a joint that my mate had to roll for me, as I couldn't do it standing up. This is extremely rare. Suffice to say I was quite fucked.
3 radgies heading my way on the side of the pavement, two girls and a guy. The lad was slightly taller than me and quite lanky. They started shouting at me, I took my earphones out and they were proper having a go and walking purposefully towards me. I backed off a bit and then the guy charged me.
He was about 10 metres away, so I had time to think. I was still quite confused. I waited til he got close as he was clearly going for a high punch, and then ducked, picked him up at the waist, and threw him over the barrier into the road. The girls then kind of ran towards me and started pushing me, and I just ignored the guy on the floor, ran across the other side, and started jogging down the bridge and rang the police.
I was on the phone to them, one girl caught me up and held me by the collar and told me not to call the police. I should have nutted her. She was maybe 16 though, but I feel I should have nutted her. I pushed her away and jogged again, but it gave the lad time to catch up. I did the exact same move again, but onto the pavement this time and much weaker. Both the girls grabbed me, he came over and punched me in the face.
I was sparked for a second, but still just confused. Ran again, eventually some driver pulled over and opened the door and I got in.
I couldn't understand why I spent the entire affair unable to summon the anger that I sometimes experience. There are some nights I'll be flexing my fists and going through scenarios of which person or group may tackle me, thinking about how to fight dirty, what potential weapons and obstacles are around, like...feeling prepared, and ready to hit someone if they come at me.
But with this guy, despite him clearly wanting to hurt me, I just pushed him away and ran. I know it was potentially wise, but he probably didn't have a knife, at least not equipped when he charged, but I had the fucker on the floor and slightly stunned, why didn't I incapacitate him when I had the chance? If he'd had a knife he would have stabbed me after that, I didn't follow through. I keep thinking back, maybe I should have stood on his throat and told the girls to leave and called the police, or smashed him in the nads, or stamped on his right hand. I would never have kicked him in the head or punched him on the floor, I'm fairly sure I'm aware of how people die in these situations and it's mainly head stuff. But I had him in the position to stop him pursuing me and I stupidly ran. And then a second time, immediately after. I didn't even feel angry at any point, or have any desire to punch or kick anyone.
Other 'fight' happened last night, following a couple back from the station, then the guy pulled his girlfriend aside the pavement and shoved her onto the grass, after having shouted abuse at her for 10 minutes. My partner ran in and I called the police and didn't even run properly behind her, then he moved towards her and I still didn't run. I just wanted the safety net of the police because this guy looked quite fit and was really angry, I couldn't process what to do and no switch went off when I saw either action. He saw me and directed his attention on me, with his girlfriend holding him back with an arm around his neck, and mine kind of getting in his way.
But the police were asking so many fucking questions when I just tried to give them the address and brief description of the situation so I could put the phone down and have both my hands fucking free. I could see his face and knew he'd punch me if he got in range, but I wasn't scared of that. I was, again, confused. I tried to think past that, if he punched me what would I do? And I had jack shit. No idea. There was a moment I could have soccer kicked him in the jaw because he was leaning forward and had his chin out, but that felt excessive. But I knew he wanted to punch me, and the cunt had just shoved his girlfriend and then mine (I thought at the time, he kind of chest bumped her but she said it wasn't hard). And I just wasn't angry. I couldn't get it up. For the first act alone I feel it'd be justified to charge someone, and for the second, like I should have soccer kicked him in the chin and watched him flop, he was being held back ffs.
It was essentially 3 on one, with the lads head and left arm being restrained, with another girl in front of him and keeping him off balance, and I had the luxury of being able to position myself. But I had no urge to escalate it, despite knowing he was going to punch me. Despite him being a despicable cunt.
Both events were when I was drunk and stoned, though just mildly so the second time. I have thought about the first fight when walking back home alone and felt I've been ready for the same situation this time. But I could not summon that last night. I was proud that I threw the guy twice, but I took it nowhere and it just pissed him off more.
What should I do about this? I need to commit to a gym, want to learn MMA and BJJ. I'm still calculating in these situations, but just slow, and it appears I have no follow through. I didn't even have an immediate emotional reaction to him shoving my partner of 4 years. Did I work too hard/in the wrong way on my anger issues? I still get furious sometimes but it's always a slow build up. Is it possibly the weed? It's been a few years daily now. My energy levels have remained roughly the same in terms of exercise done, but has it dulled my 'killer instinct'? I never look for fights but I got in a lot when I was a kid and I kind of miss it, haven't punched someone in the face in shit, maybe over a decade? Fucking hell.