[ rss / options / help ]
post ]
[ b / iq / g / zoo ] [ e / news / lab ] [ v / nom / pol / eco / emo / 101 / shed ]
[ art / A / beat / boo / com / fat / job / lit / map / mph / poof / £$€¥ / spo / uhu / uni / x / y ] [ * | sfw | o ]
logo
problems

Return ]

Posting mode: Reply
Reply ]
Subject   (reply to 29115)
Message
File  []
close
fitenite.jpg
291152911529115
>> No. 29115 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 6:57 pm
29115 Last two fights I've been in have left me feeling emasculated
Aight lads. tldr; was in a position to win 2 seperate fights, odds in my favour, and bitched out both times.

I'm a 6' skinnyfit guy in my late 20's, no formal fighting experience, who has generally dealt with their childhood anger issues and now smokes a lot of weed. This has left me generally placid and kind of slow to anger.

Fight 1

I was heading along a bridge after a night out, had just smoked a joint that my mate had to roll for me, as I couldn't do it standing up. This is extremely rare. Suffice to say I was quite fucked.

3 radgies heading my way on the side of the pavement, two girls and a guy. The lad was slightly taller than me and quite lanky. They started shouting at me, I took my earphones out and they were proper having a go and walking purposefully towards me. I backed off a bit and then the guy charged me.

He was about 10 metres away, so I had time to think. I was still quite confused. I waited til he got close as he was clearly going for a high punch, and then ducked, picked him up at the waist, and threw him over the barrier into the road. The girls then kind of ran towards me and started pushing me, and I just ignored the guy on the floor, ran across the other side, and started jogging down the bridge and rang the police.

I was on the phone to them, one girl caught me up and held me by the collar and told me not to call the police. I should have nutted her. She was maybe 16 though, but I feel I should have nutted her. I pushed her away and jogged again, but it gave the lad time to catch up. I did the exact same move again, but onto the pavement this time and much weaker. Both the girls grabbed me, he came over and punched me in the face.

I was sparked for a second, but still just confused. Ran again, eventually some driver pulled over and opened the door and I got in.

I couldn't understand why I spent the entire affair unable to summon the anger that I sometimes experience. There are some nights I'll be flexing my fists and going through scenarios of which person or group may tackle me, thinking about how to fight dirty, what potential weapons and obstacles are around, like...feeling prepared, and ready to hit someone if they come at me.

But with this guy, despite him clearly wanting to hurt me, I just pushed him away and ran. I know it was potentially wise, but he probably didn't have a knife, at least not equipped when he charged, but I had the fucker on the floor and slightly stunned, why didn't I incapacitate him when I had the chance? If he'd had a knife he would have stabbed me after that, I didn't follow through. I keep thinking back, maybe I should have stood on his throat and told the girls to leave and called the police, or smashed him in the nads, or stamped on his right hand. I would never have kicked him in the head or punched him on the floor, I'm fairly sure I'm aware of how people die in these situations and it's mainly head stuff. But I had him in the position to stop him pursuing me and I stupidly ran. And then a second time, immediately after. I didn't even feel angry at any point, or have any desire to punch or kick anyone.

Fight 2

Other 'fight' happened last night, following a couple back from the station, then the guy pulled his girlfriend aside the pavement and shoved her onto the grass, after having shouted abuse at her for 10 minutes. My partner ran in and I called the police and didn't even run properly behind her, then he moved towards her and I still didn't run. I just wanted the safety net of the police because this guy looked quite fit and was really angry, I couldn't process what to do and no switch went off when I saw either action. He saw me and directed his attention on me, with his girlfriend holding him back with an arm around his neck, and mine kind of getting in his way.

But the police were asking so many fucking questions when I just tried to give them the address and brief description of the situation so I could put the phone down and have both my hands fucking free. I could see his face and knew he'd punch me if he got in range, but I wasn't scared of that. I was, again, confused. I tried to think past that, if he punched me what would I do? And I had jack shit. No idea. There was a moment I could have soccer kicked him in the jaw because he was leaning forward and had his chin out, but that felt excessive. But I knew he wanted to punch me, and the cunt had just shoved his girlfriend and then mine (I thought at the time, he kind of chest bumped her but she said it wasn't hard). And I just wasn't angry. I couldn't get it up. For the first act alone I feel it'd be justified to charge someone, and for the second, like I should have soccer kicked him in the chin and watched him flop, he was being held back ffs.

It was essentially 3 on one, with the lads head and left arm being restrained, with another girl in front of him and keeping him off balance, and I had the luxury of being able to position myself. But I had no urge to escalate it, despite knowing he was going to punch me. Despite him being a despicable cunt.

Analysis

Both events were when I was drunk and stoned, though just mildly so the second time. I have thought about the first fight when walking back home alone and felt I've been ready for the same situation this time. But I could not summon that last night. I was proud that I threw the guy twice, but I took it nowhere and it just pissed him off more.

What should I do about this? I need to commit to a gym, want to learn MMA and BJJ. I'm still calculating in these situations, but just slow, and it appears I have no follow through. I didn't even have an immediate emotional reaction to him shoving my partner of 4 years. Did I work too hard/in the wrong way on my anger issues? I still get furious sometimes but it's always a slow build up. Is it possibly the weed? It's been a few years daily now. My energy levels have remained roughly the same in terms of exercise done, but has it dulled my 'killer instinct'? I never look for fights but I got in a lot when I was a kid and I kind of miss it, haven't punched someone in the face in shit, maybe over a decade? Fucking hell.
Expand all images.
>> No. 29116 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 7:02 pm
29116 spacer
I read most of that and I'm not really sure what outcome you're hoping for. You want to be in more fights?
>> No. 29117 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 7:11 pm
29117 spacer
>>29115
>There are some nights I'll be flexing my fists and going through scenarios of which person or group may tackle me
>My energy levels have remained roughly the same in terms of exercise done, but has it dulled my 'killer instinct'?
>haven't punched someone in the face in shit, maybe over a decade?

Oh ladm9. Not sure what advice you're looking for, but it sounds like you have anger management issues.

If fights keep finding you like this, you should perhaps consider your own body language and how you look/interact with people, even strangers in the street; I have to say it sounds like you're looking for a fight.
>> No. 29118 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 7:42 pm
29118 spacer
>Both events were when I was drunk and stoned

Mate, you did better than most of us would have done when we were sober. We all have that plan in our heads about what we're going to do to bray the imaginary chav when he starts on us but 99% of the time when you actually get in a fight, you're taken by surprise and all that goes out of the window.

Either way, you don't need to prove you're an 'ard bastard. You need to accept that the desire to do so is childish, and you should let go of it. You don't gain any respect for violence anywhere outside of the high school playground or prison.
>> No. 29119 Anonymous
11th December 2019
Wednesday 8:30 pm
29119 spacer
Fights are no fun, especially when you're drunk or otherwise "modified".

Waking up with a split lip and a black eye to complement your hangover is fucking grim, when you "lose". Having to think about the other guy waking up after whatever you did to him is absolutely harrowing, when you "win".

I've been on both ends of beatings and I've learned that walking the fuck away is the only way you really get a win out of a lose/lose situation.

By all means go and do some MMA or hard-style kickboxing, even if it doesn't help you work out your anger issues, getting the shite beaten out of you by people who are actually skilled at it might take the edge off your taste for violence.
>> No. 29223 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 7:42 pm
29223 spacer
Thanks for the responses, much appreciated. I may have mispoken slightly, so clarifying below.

>I read most of that and I'm not really sure what outcome you're hoping for. You want to be in more fights?

Sorry, this was posted just after the second event and my head wasn't in a great place. I felt like I'd just abandoned my girlfriend, and that if I believed a man had pushed her (I literally heard him say "I'll snap your neck"...). In hindsight, no-one got hurt so I did the right thing, and he may have taken it out on his girlfriend (dude had already pushed her onto the floor before) if it got worse.

And nah, not more fights. I want to be sensible, I generally am. But if someone charges you and you put them on the floor, shouldn't you finish what you've started? I poked a bear and ran, and got beaten up for it. If he had had a knife which he hadn't initially drawn, I'd be dead.

>If fights keep finding you like this, you should perhaps consider your own body language and how you look/interact with people, even strangers in the street; I have to say it sounds like you're looking for a fight.

I appreciate your point but I don't think it's applicable - I'm a skinny guy of average height who keeps my head down, and I wouldn't make eye contact with people when doing this. It looks more like handwringing if you're observing. Plus, it's been a few years of doing this maybe 2 nights a year average, and I've never gotten into a fight when doing it.

These are the only 2 physical confrontations I've had in 10 years, isn't that better than average?

When the first thing happened, I had my head down and my earphones in, wasn't singing, and the guy later admitted that he just wanted to spark someone.

The second event I was on the phone to the police when I entered the situation which my GF ran into - she pushed the guy, I didn't do anything and I just looked concerned and didn't say anything aggressive.

>Mate, you did better than most of us would have done when we were sober. We all have that plan in our heads about what we're going to do to bray the imaginary chav when he starts on us but 99% of the time when you actually get in a fight, you're taken by surprise and all that goes out of the window.

Thanks, it's nice to hear that. The surprise lasted so long, I never once contemplated hitting the guy, just confusion. There's an importance in framing I think though, would you agree that regardless of how unlikely you are to follow through with a plan, you have a slightly higher chance of being prepared if you have a plan than not?

>Either way, you don't need to prove you're an 'ard bastard. You need to accept that the desire to do so is childish, and you should let go of it. You don't gain any respect for violence anywhere outside of the high school playground or prison.

Aye, I don't want to be that. I want to know that I'm sticking up for myself, pretty much.

If the consensus if that I dealt with both these events reasonably, then I will take that to heart.

>Having to think about the other guy waking up after whatever you did to him is absolutely harrowing, when you "win".

Aye, didn't think about this tbh. The police who came kept referring to the guy and his ilk as 'shitbags', which was kind of him, but I am a fairly conscientious and empathic person.

I do however flip a bit when I see someone hurting someone for no reason other than their own pleasure, which may make me regret less. Idk though, thanks for bring that perspective up though, it's reassuring.

>I've been on both ends of beatings and I've learned that walking the fuck away is the only way you really get a win out of a lose/lose situation.

What would you have done in the first event? If you already had the guy on the ground and he was attacking you for no reason?

>By all means go and do some MMA or hard-style kickboxing, even if it doesn't help you work out your anger issues, getting the shite beaten out of you by people who are actually skilled at it might take the edge off your taste for violence.

Yeah, this sounds good. I get so excited watching MMA, and whenever I've gone to a martial arts sessions (no formal training but I've had a few hours of Tae Kwon Do, BJJ, and Boxing experience under my belt from looking into sessions) I've always enjoyed the sparring massively. I think I have a decent fight IQ and when wrestling with friends I'm good at preventing locks and repositioning. Just need the willpower to commit to a gym, hopefully this will galvanize that.

Thanks again for everyone's responses, it's been great to have your perspectives, and it has been reassuring.
>> No. 29240 Anonymous
11th January 2020
Saturday 2:29 am
29240 spacer
>>29115

You're only EVER allowed to use reasonable force to defend yourself and get out of a situation unless your life is in immediate danger in which case deadly force can be justified, but you need to be sure.

If he had a knife, or you suspected he had a knife, you're still only allowed to create distance or incapacitate him and then you need to immediately get out of the situation.

What you did is similar to what night club bouncers are trained to do, but you were untrained and your friend/GF didn't help you. The mistake you made was not holding your ground and maintaining distance until the police arrived, something you could have done both times had your friend and GF called the police on your request.

The mentality that is drummed into you and the physical intervention training you receive I would recommend to anyone who feels out of their depth in a situation like this, because you are taught the law to the letter and how to legally maintain distance and control an assailant.

Do an SIA Door Supervisor course, it only costs £200, then you can choose to get your badge or not it doesn't matter, but you'll know your stuff and you'll be assertive rather than aggressive in your implementation.
>> No. 29241 Anonymous
11th January 2020
Saturday 2:33 am
29241 spacer
>>29240
And, when the police arrive, you can say "he assaulted his friend/GF and I used reasonable force to make sure he didn't assault me or my SO". You don't have to elaborate unless the guy presses charges.
>> No. 29244 Anonymous
11th January 2020
Saturday 9:49 am
29244 spacer
>>29240 Do an SIA Door Supervisor course

Strangely tempting, despite not ever expecting to do doors...

"The SIA are due to launch a new specification on 1st April 2020. As a result this is likely to become a 7 day training course. Further dates and the additional cost will be advertised once they have finalised there position."

7 days? crumbs...
>> No. 29245 Anonymous
11th January 2020
Saturday 1:07 pm
29245 spacer
>>29244
I think they’re adding CCTV operation and advanced physical intervention to the course, as It licenses you for frontline close protection of individuals as well as manned guarding, i.e. clubs or factories. Not 100% sure on that, but when I did it it was 5 days.

You get distance learning material before the course starts, I went into it with a lot of notes already at hand. The exams are piss easy.
>> No. 29257 Anonymous
11th January 2020
Saturday 2:02 pm
29257 spacer
OP, I hear you. You can drive yourself nuts with what-ifs, especially the ones where you think "was I assertive enough" or where you feel like you didn't defend some line that shouldn't be crossed.

But I'm not sure there is a lesson to be learned from your scenarios, you handled yourself about as well as anyone could hope to in really strange and unexpected circumstances. You literally threw a lad and got away in a car relatively unscathed, and you called the police on an abusive person without anyone getting really hurt.

Maybe you were just listening to your gut instinct? It could be you subconsciously knew that the lanky boy didn't have a knife and was just out for a fight, and the other one didn't actually pose much of a threat to your girlfriend beyond being a cunt.

Honestly, you sound like someone that's probably been in fights before (reading to the end of your post just confirmed this). Over time you do develop some sense of who is genuinely out to cause you harm or if it's just something stupid getting out of hand. Of course getting punched or shoved is harmful, but it could be that you have a thick skin for physical pain and it just doesn't register for you the way you'd expect it to.

I agree with you, though, it's really hard to gauge proportional reactions and you're standing by a sound principle of self-preservation and protecting people you care about, especially when you've had horrible experiences or were in a lot of fights in the past, but there's not necessarily shame in not feeling angry when this happens. Rage is extremely unpleasant, at least for me, something that's also (at least a little bit) based in fear. It might be worth examining why you didn't feel fear? Could it just be there wasn't much to be afraid of? You said yourself, you felt more confused than threatened.

I'd also be really concerned about the fantasy violence elsewhere. Your issues with anger are still certainly there, even if it's a slow burn. It sounds like you've harnessed your anger in such a way that your idea of handling physical situations is to get pretty brutal about it. I honestly can't tell you whether this is right or wrong, it's an ugly grey area you shouldn't have to find yourself navigating. Try to think, though, what was the ideal outcome? It probably doesn't end with soccer kicking an abusive stranger or headbutting a young girl.

Again, I get it, you want to believe you have it in you to get nasty if a situation really called for it -- but it's worth considering that the times you describe, where you very clearly didn't, were the times things de-escalated with minimal harm to everyone.

More broadly, I'd also ask you to think about what kind of life you're leading and what kind of environment you're in where these things happen. Are you into nightclubs or other places where this drama normally takes off? If you know you're prone to either escalate these situations rapidly by throwing punches, or get annoyed with yourself when you don't, then could it be better to just remove yourself entirely from them?

By all means, take up the MMA or whatever training would help you find an outlet, but I'd seriously urge you not to let it become a kind of practice where you're constantly thinking about how to choke someone out or land a clean strike or whatever. It's no way to live or interact with others. You become what you think about.

Sorry for how rambling this is, I just relate to what you're saying and hope it's somehow helpful.
>> No. 29261 Anonymous
11th January 2020
Saturday 4:19 pm
29261 spacer
>>29223
> What would you have done in the first event? If you already had the guy on the ground and he was attacking you for no reason?

The biggest no-no when you've got someone on the ground is to keep hitting them and the worst possible thing you can do is get up and put the boot in.

Essentially, when the lad charged you the second time after you already have taken him down once I would have taken him down harder, as opposed to more gently the way you did. The law is quite specific about someone clonking their bonce after you've punched them in the face, but there is almost no way to prove intent if someone charges you and during the scuffle you both fall to the ground and he cracks his coconut - as long as you haven't been physically aggressive, i.e. punched him in the face.

Sage because all of this is pretty silly and we shouldn't go around with pre-prepared plans to inflict injury onto others in our heads all the time.
>> No. 29273 Anonymous
12th January 2020
Sunday 12:07 am
29273 spacer
Testosterone drops drastically around your late 20s. You're just chilling out.

Return ]
whiteline

Delete Post []
Password