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>> No. 29985 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 11:50 am
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I’ve been in the habit of checking out of my own life and going along with whatever is happening. I have been turning the tide on that so I’m now in good shape, with good hobbies, and have a decent job that I enjoy. However that’s got me to the point where I now have to confront my relationships, which are pretty bad because I’ve been disingenuous for a long time.

As a result, I am lonely and don’t make much effort with the friends I have or people I know. Over the years I’ve been in the habit of not standing up for myself, of being quiet, and of not expressing how I actually feel. Instead I’ve had an overly agreeable personality and swept any issues under the rug.

This means that my friendships are weird and in order to keep pretending, I end up flaky and unreliable. It’s gotten worse over the years to now where I don’t call or text people and seldom see anyone but my family. Rather than just say what’s wrong, I’ve been an arse and avoided these people or the problem. Maybe it'd magically go away? To acquaintances I likely seem aloof or reserved, which also hinders my chances of being reasonably social. This plays out in my mind a lot, and I end up sad and not doing anything on the internet. I'm currently being asked 'what I did this summer' which you can imagine is thrilling.

Turning it around feels doable, but I am finding it hard just accepting the utter mess that I have made of my social life. I’m curious if you have had experiences like this and how you’ve managed it, or whether there’s something interesting to read on the topic. I had a rough childhood which is the cause for a lot of this. Most of my life has been about survival, so the ideas like 'being honest' and 'if you don't like someone, don't be friends with them' all seem very new.

tl;dr - have you had to grow a pair? What's it like? Is there a book on it?
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>> No. 29986 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 2:38 pm
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What is it exactly you want from these relationships? Because it sounds like you don't care really about these people you just feel like you are supposed to.
>> No. 29987 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 7:06 pm
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Honestly my best mate nowadays is my girlfriend, which sounds a bit sad, but out of any of my friends she's by far the most reliable. Hasn't turned me down on a pint yet, and she always wants to come and see the same films I want to see.

I was in a similar position for a while I suppose, and it caused me a similar level of distress. The hardest thing was figuring out if it's me who isn't putting in enough effort, or if it's them who are constantly just flaking on me and letting me down. I came to the conclusion that it doesn't effectively matter- Either way you're clearly just not as arsed hanging out with each other as you used to be. What difference does it make.

One the whole covid thing is done with I'm hoping to make a bit of a "fresh start" so to speak. I've actually put a lot of things "right" with my life over the course of the crisis, weirdly enough, and it has lifted a lot of the anxieties from my shoulders knowing that I am indeed capable of change instead of just wallowing in a rut. Making some new friends is probably the only thing I'm missing now. A clean slate with no past baggage and such would only be a good thing I think.

In general I don't think it's worth stressing about trying to rekindle friendships that have grown distant. It might be sad to grow apart from someone you considered yourself close to, but you don't have to burn the bridge entirely. At best, it's just kind of forcing things, and it leaves you feeling twice as bitter if things end up stagnating again.
>> No. 29988 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 7:30 pm
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>Honestly my best mate nowadays is my girlfriend, which sounds a bit sad, but out of any of my friends she's by far the most reliable. Hasn't turned me down on a pint yet, and she always wants to come and see the same films I want to see.

This sounds like a great and healthy situation, it honestly sounds sadder that you think this is a problem somehow.
>> No. 29989 Anonymous
6th September 2020
Sunday 8:16 pm
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I don't think it's a problem, just that it's generally seen as healthier to have a good mix of social acquaintances as well as a romantic partner. Not putting all your eggs in one basket, sort of thing. If I didn't have any other mates and we broke up (not that I foresee that happening), it'd be devastating.

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