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>> No. 30416 Anonymous
20th February 2021
Saturday 3:12 pm
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I feel like I've made that typical adult life tradeoff. I have a nice place to live, a tolerable job, and a kind partner, which is more than many of us get in one life. The sacrifice, though, is I've given up a lot of connection with my peers -- especially male friends who I could just spend hours watching shit films or playing computer games with. The kind of mates who you could do absolutely fuckall with and still have a great time, because it was all about humour and rapport. The ones who you share a history with, to the point where you know exactly why the other is laughing without them having to say what they find funny.

I used to have this, but the little group was dismantled by drama, divergent life paths, and maybe a bit of apathy. To be honest, it was also a deliberate move on my part; the risk if you keep hanging around people you share a history with is that you never give yourself as much scope to change as a person. At least, that's how I've always felt.

I resented that burden of playing the group comedian when I was in my late teens, but now I'm beginning to miss it. Don't get me wrong, the decision was worth it. I have a proper life now. It might be part nostalgia, as well, since all those friendships could often be a pain in the arse. But there are times when the girlfriend goes out, and I've already ticked everything else off my to-do list that day, when I really wish I could just knock back some cheap bottles of beer and take the piss out of Star Trek: TNG with someone, or sit in the car with them and make crap jokes and shoot the shit about life over junk food.

Tl;dr: I feel like I want mates, but actual people are fucking hard to deal with.
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>> No. 30417 Anonymous
20th February 2021
Saturday 3:29 pm
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I know what you mean but can offer no solution. Everything I've read just says that this is part of being a Proper Adult™.

Like you've noticed, changing circumstances are important for growth and if you try to hang onto things then everyone else will grow up around you whilst you sit in arrested development in your manky lads flat. The good times of being a young adult, like being a child, just pass. If not when you settle into a career then certainly when you have children and just lack the time or otherwise always have a reason to put off socialising when you don't feel it. I suppose this is what neighbours and work colleagues are good for but modern societies atomisation isn't configured to support that much as I think men need that escape of being in a pack of lads to actualise.

I myself have maybe 2 people I consider to be proper mates at this point on the level you describe but we've moved to other ends of the country so we never get to see each other (especially at the moment). The maddening thing is women seem much less prone to this and can't understand how this happens for lads but like I said I'm not sure how to fix that.

>take the piss out of Star Trek: TNG

How dare you.
>> No. 30418 Anonymous
20th February 2021
Saturday 3:31 pm
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I'm in a similar position. About a fortnight ago, I had the place to myself so I had a Skype call with a mate as we both watched Evil Dead 2 and got drunk. It was the happiest I had felt in years. Take from that what you will, all I'll say ia that having a 'proper' life isn't all that is cracked up to be.
>> No. 30419 Anonymous
20th February 2021
Saturday 6:23 pm
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>shoot the shit and eat junk food in a car

Sounds horrible.
>> No. 30420 Anonymous
20th February 2021
Saturday 6:34 pm
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For me this actually only happened when I decided to knock smoking weed on the head. Kind of a double whammy of bitterness there, because not only was it drifting away from my friend group, but the fact I was only part of that group at all because I was another body who would reliably have some weed on them. As the otherlad mentioned above, women don't have this problem, something keeps them in touch; stoners have a similar thing, because they need to keep the circle active or else supply might dry up.

I try not to take it too personally mind. Travelling miles to sit in someone's house is more than I can be arsed with most of the time, so I don't blame them for not being arsed. My most reliable mate when it came to actually hanging out playing videogames etc died a couple of years ago, and most of my old mates don't drink so inviting them out to meet in town is a non-starter.

It's a shit hand to be dealt but I think it is something you just have to come to terms with. You can make new friends as an adult but I don't think you ever realistically get to that level of closeness where you'll have them come round and sleep on the sofa every other week so you can get trashed watching Arnie films together. I suppose you just have to be thankful you had that once, whereas a lot of people will have been lonely spergs who missed that boat and will never had it.

Also, take up Warhammer. It blagged my head a bit, but it truly seems as if nothing gives grown men the excuse to socialise without alcohol like playing with toy soldiers.
>> No. 30421 Anonymous
20th February 2021
Saturday 7:39 pm
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>How dare you.

I only mock it from a place of genuine affection. I not-so-secretly want to live on the Enterprise-D.

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