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>> No. 30481 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 12:19 pm
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I think lockdown got to me.

I had to make a decision based on my career between picking two jobs and I went a bit nuts. Nothing crazy but I stopped sleeping, eating properly or living my life. My work faltered and I just kept delaying decisions and caused a mess. It led to some trouble for me.

This somehow concluded in me pacing around my flat and generally just feeling like I wasn't myself as I twitched my neck and did stuff that generally I don't associate with myself. Heart racing, lots of pacing, lots of just generally odd behaviour and spiralling. Started to feel like not a huge amount mattered anymore and just needed a break and to start again or start fresh despite that not being a clear or sensible choice. I also stopped engaging with people and thought through every possible scenario ever and got no further along.

I've looked into getting a therapist.

Has anybody had this? I don't know if I should be worried about the fact I've spiralled in such a way or just accept it's partly due to the stress of lockdown and maybe I'm not alone.

It was quite scary and I felt in a very, very, dark place. Can anybody advise? Is this to be expected being locked up inside or is this something to be worried about?
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>> No. 30482 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 12:41 pm
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Sounds more like you were paralysed by indecision and the longer you leave those things the worse they inevitably get. People have fucked up their entire lives over less decisions.

The next time you're faced with an impossibly complex problem just go with your gut. You don't really have control over where your life sails anyway.
>> No. 30483 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 12:42 pm
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>People have fucked up their entire lives over less decisions.

What does this mean?
>> No. 30484 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 1:10 pm
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The specific example in my mind is of a man who didn't open a simple letter and ended up being driven mad by the thought of what it contained. You'll see a Love's Executioner recommendation pop up online infrequently but it's worth a read, not quite the Alan Carr of mental health but it gives you an understanding of the things that can send people overboard before they happen.
>> No. 30485 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 1:16 pm
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It sounds like you had an anxiety attack and that the overthinking and ruminations caused that anxiety.

It sounds twee, but going with your gut will alleviate much of those symptoms for better or for worse. Or simply tossing a coin, helps.
>> No. 30486 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 2:53 pm
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How does one stop this happening again? How does one learn to make better decisions without leaving it to a silly time?
>> No. 30487 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 3:03 pm
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I can't advise in terms of the anxiety, but the way you've described the dilemma doesn't make it sound like a decision with deep ramifications or terrible consequences.

If it wouldn't be retriggering for you, please indulge my curiosity. What about this decision made you overthink it to such a degree? What were the negative thoughts that worried you? If neither option was obviously bad, what was the potential hidden badness, beyond simple regret?
>> No. 30488 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 4:02 pm
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Let's say there are two companies. One offered me a job, it's a very well known place, very good team, but the work isn't my passion and it pays maybe mid 40s.

My other option is to finish where I'm at, take a promotion but potentially be placed in a range of jobs, in a range of locations that are not yet known. I'd be closer to 60k in this role.

When I first strated working I had to accept I could be moved anywhere in the UK, I thought I was fine with this but living somewhere that's a shithole is actually very depressing if you don't want to be there and it had a profound impact on my mental health and felt like I was trapped there forever.

Anyway the decisino is take a job I can do with my eyes closed at great place, less money, great boss and hope I somehow work it out and move there or take a guaranteed higher pay job but I could end up working in a number of places across London. The roles could be good or bad. I don't know, so it's hard to compare the known offer because I don't know exactly what I'm comparing to.

Sorry for the blog.
>> No. 30489 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 4:03 pm
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I should add the lesser paying job I worked in before and the manager there really went out of their way to get me onboard.
>> No. 30490 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 4:05 pm
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Shouldn't have pressed post so early - last bit I should add. Triggering thoughts:

-Fear of unknown
-Fear of letting down old team who liked me and made space for me and went out of their way
-Fear of wishing I'd not chased money and stuck with a place I'd liked
-Fear of going back to the place I'd liked and wishing I took a higher salary and promotion
-Fear of making a bad choice between the two and regretting it
-Fear of significant upheaval in my life and not handling it
-Fear of returning to a dark place where I hated my job, my life and everything surrounding it.
>> No. 30491 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 5:46 pm
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Happiness is always more important than money, and you have the luxury of being in a position where you wouldn't be poor in either case. If you have even the slightest reason to believe that the grass isn't actually greener, don't do it.

Most people will give you the same old "you'll never get anywhere if you don't take risks!" bullshit, but that only applies if you're not already in a job you like. If you are, I think you should always think very, very carefully about leaving.

Bit like my mate who divorced his wife last year and now wants her back- You'll be very lucky to get a second chance.
>> No. 30492 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 5:51 pm
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Thank you anon. I've spent months agonising and your post has helped me to relax somewhat.

I really need to get better at decisions that have both downsides and upsides.

Everybody tells you to always push yourself but at what point does it end?

I know a girl who quit her inner city London law job to become a photographer and wish I was that brave. I asked her why and she said when you're 15 you kind of start making choices about your career and your life and I studied and studied for years and worked for years without ever asking do I still want to do law? She said when she took two weeks off she realised the resounding answer was no and she's delayed quitting because being the successful lawyer had become her identity and that was it.
>> No. 30493 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 8:04 pm
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Whatever you choose to do, it's good to remember that very few choices in our life are binary or permanent. There are usually more options than you think and the cost of making a bad choice is rarely as bad as you think. The fear of failure usually has far worse consequences than failure itself.
>> No. 30494 Anonymous
28th February 2021
Sunday 9:17 pm
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You're welcome ladm9.

I've had my fair share of shit jobs, and thanks to that I developed a different sense of perspective than that which most people seem to have. From where I'm sitting, a job you don't actively loathe is something precious worth holding onto, because you can't say the same for the great majority of jobs.

I'm the type of person who's never been able to stick with anything I don't enjoy, and that's a big reason my life was going absolutely nowhere until my mid 20s. But on the flipside the perspective of the law lass you mention feels completely alien to me. I find it difficult to understand how people get that far in life as though they're just on rails, without ever questioning the fact they're utterly disinterested in what they're doing. I think the common wisdom regarding "pushing yourself" and all that is actively unhealthy for us in a great many cases.

Money is the obvious answer, I know. I suppose it's because I never had money to begin with that I never felt I was missing out on much. I've walked out of jobs at lunch time and been back on the dole by that afternoon, because at the end of the day, if your days will be miserable regardless, what's the point?

But yeah. Don't beat yourself up about what could have been or if you're letting yourself down somehow. Go with your gut.
>> No. 30504 Anonymous
2nd March 2021
Tuesday 12:40 pm
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It sounds like an anxiety attack. Breathe, realise that the feeling will pass and that the situation can be controlled.

From what you have said, go with your gut, chasing money and making yourself miserable isn't worth it, unless you have a goal in mind in which case you can endure the misery for a known and limited time.

You have the benefit of good pay in either case. I love what I do, I'm respected and good at it, but the downside is I get paid £18K, if I could have all the positivity and be on £40K I'd be laughing.

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