|>>|| No. 30904
Going through yet another break-up. I think I'm hardening to it, at this stage.
I'll be honest, the worst part of it from the lad's side is just getting someone to care again. I'm tired of the constant effort it takes to even have the opportunity to date. It's like I have to take all the initiative, all of the rejection, all the risk of making a move, essentially all of the time.
This is only my experience, so it's anecdotal evidence, but I'm just venting on an imageboard and not publishing a sociology study. I'm frustrated that the times in my life that a lass has decided she's interested in me they've variously been passive to the point of non-existent about it (i.e. arseing about with her hair on the other side of the room), or downright obnoxious (i.e. grabbing parts they shouldn't grab), whereas when I want to express my interest I feel like I have to go through a dance of proving my best intentions that, if I'm honest, never really ends throughout the relationship.
I often wish I could just get rid of my libido and need for companionship, because it's that need that's pushing me out there into an arena where the ratio of worthwhile human connection to humiliation and danger is laughably bad.
I'll miss the girl I'm with, but what I'm dreading more is the oncoming cycle of loneliness, complete lack of sexual and physical affection, on top of the expectation that I'm the one that's meant to "Get Out There" and "Make Things Happen" yet again. I just don't know if I have the heart for it, and yet a huge part of myself goes unexpressed when I'm single.
I've sort of tried other "middle grounds" in the past, i.e. dating around, trying short-term relationships, but not only is that unsatisfying, frankly it's a fucking full-time job. Or rather, like working four or five part-time jobs simultaneously.