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>> No. 31726 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 7:48 am
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I'm visiting family in the UK after 3.5 years. I moved abroad before the pandemic. I think I'm losing it a bit.

I'm barely able to sleep in my childhood bedroom, no matter how many little adjustments I make to temperature or noise. It's small. The house feels small. Everything feels small.

My family have some major problems (drug and alcohol abuse among some relatives) and everyone seems depressed. They seem a bit uninterested in what I've been doing all this time, maybe because they feel they wouldn't have a lot to add in a conversation about it. I listen to them a lot anyway because I am interested in their lives. I ask my dad questions about about plants and wildlife and drumkits, I talk to my mum about her friends and family, but there's a strange resistance if I start to talk about my interests.

I'm doing well for myself and it's awkward somehow. It's a sense that my family want me to do well, but also have very mixed feelings about it. My dad insisted on giving me cash for the flights despite knowing this. I've worked so hard over the last few years and am on good money, but it seemed important to him, so I took it without showing any hesitation, and I am grateful. At the same time, I don't feel like me, or my approaches, or my achievements are respected.

I love my parents dearly, but it's taking quite a lot of willpower to hold onto my sense of autonomy and happiness. I stupidly booked this so I have a couple of weeks here (I wanted to see friends and do a few other things) when really I should have been thinking about a long weekend at most.

Now I'm thinking about just making new plans, even visiting another city in the UK, at least this weekend. I could say I'm staying with friends or a similar excuse, but I find the idea of hurting my parents feelings (again?) heartbreaking.

How do I look out for my own needs, and minimise the hurt or embarrassment I cause them?
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>> No. 31727 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 9:21 am
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I mean what did you want? A big party where they go "Ahhh, welcome home, our favourite and most successful son! Come, come, sit and tell the family all about your adventures!"

Families are usually kind of arseholes honestly. Welcome to the club. I can relate because I had to move back in with mine a while back, and found it profoundly disappointing. I could be rubbing shoulders with Musk and Bezos, and my mum and dad would still treat me like I don't know how to tie my own shoelaces. I could be the Prime Minister and my mum would still come up to my room at 10 o'clock and tell me it's time to go to bed. Conversation with them is like squeezing blood from a stone, and throughout my life it's been a chip on my shoulder that they've shown zero interest in the achievements I'm proud of, like when my band went on our first tour, released our first CD etc etc.

I could speculate why this is for hours. Jealousy? Crustacean container mindset? Is it shame that they couldn't give you a better start in life, or that they don't measure up to you now? Is it disappointment, where even if you're doing well you haven't turned out quite how they hoped? It really doesn't matter and frankly you just shouldn't worry about it.

That's just how it is sometimes. People who have a really good family and good relationships with their family will never quite get it if you talk about your family like this. They'll always say "Oh come on, they're your family, they love you!" or some other trite shit like that, as though you're just making it up. I think ultimately, hanging around those kind of people is where you're likely to have got this expectation from. But I'm afraid you don't have one of those families, and nothing you do will likely change how they are or how they act towards you.

Soz lad. I'd recommend getting an AirBnB and going for a nice trip to the Lake District or something like that. If your family really care about you (and deep down they do, usually) they'll want you to go and enjoy yourself.
>> No. 31728 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 10:19 am
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>I mean what did you want? A big party where they go "Ahhh, welcome home, our favourite and most successful son! Come, come, sit and tell the family all about your adventures!"

I think I just want a bit of reciprocation. I've listened intently to my dad's coffee making routine, had a tour of the refurbished bits of the house, looked at my mum's various shades of new nail colour, seen their beloved new e-bikes. They were excited about it all and I like to see them happy about these things. They might not be things I'm into, but I can share in their celebration of it and the pleasure it brings them.

In return I've had maybe had one question asking me about "what it's like over there" and a passing mention of an article I wrote.

Unfortunately we've now also reached the casual passive aggression and judgemental comments about my approach to health stage, so I have to admit, I no longer feel as much guilt about booking a place for myself elsewhere.
>> No. 31729 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 10:38 am
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They miss you and resent the fact you left, they want you to say how horrible it is over there and how you miss home and want to come back. They feel like you abandoned them and that they aren't good enough for you.

It's a tale as old as time.

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