I'm a bit worried that I'm "outsourcing" my social life.
Since I'm in a romantic relationship, something like OnlyFans appears really dysfunctional to me. It looks like a shortcut taken out of necessity; imagine you're a lonely and busy lad, either you put in effort on top of your current stresses to meet people and build a relationship, or you pay remotely and log in to your girlfriend simulator app whenever you feel the need. For many who use it, it's probably the path of least resistance to experiencing a certain kind of intimacy.
I'm critical of this, but then it dawned on me that I'm essentially doing the exact same thing, just with other relationships. I used to watch films and play games with friends, now I put on chummy film reviews and game streams on in the background as I do other things. I used to help my dad out with DIY and landscaping, now I follow a channel called "Dad, How Do I?" on YouTube. I used to phone my mum on weekends, now I whinge about my problems anonymously on the internet.
The disturbing bit is that it all sort of... works. The truth is, my friends and family used to drive me a bit nuts, and were often negative to be around. Real relationships are messy, complicated, time-consuming, and sometimes destructive. I wonder whether having these options available, even if they are a bit parasocial, is a bad thing when the real alternative can be draining or harmful.
On the other hand, I'm concerned I'm losing the skills of empathy and social interaction, since all of my socialising is done with people that already know me very well.
So, where do I draw the line? How do I judge what relationships are worth making the sacrifice for? Maybe I am framing all of this the wrong way?
Possibly irrelevant: I write this after one of the most pleasant Christmases I've ever had, just by myself. It could also be that I'm happiest in my own company.
I feel you. I find myself in a similar place. When you're an introverted sort to begin with and you find it hard or stressful to keep up "normal" social relationships, it's very easy to fall back on things like this. But I think on some level it is definitely unhealthy.
The trouble is they can fill in for the base level feeling of wanting to hang out with someone, just that general desire for company. But you can never meaningfully interact with them, and when your romantic partner is the only one where you can do that, you're putting all that pressure onto them. That becomes even worse when the person you need to talk to someone about is your partner. You need more people than just your partner in your life, if only for the simple mercenary fact that sometimes, your partner is actually the very last person you can talk to. And frankly, this place, while we're good on some things, doesn't have a great track record for relationship advice or just general ranting.
I've been guilty of this thing over the last few years, across two relationships, where because I've become so distant with my actual mates, I don't really want to open up to them about some stuff, so I don't have anywhere to get it off my chest or get some perspective on the matter if my other half does something to upset me. So I just stew on it for ages. I internalise it and reinforce it, and the molehill invariably becomes a mountain. I can never just vent about it to someone and move on, because I don't have a healthy outlet, and my fake YouTube friends can never fulfil that role. Don't really know what to do about it. Ah well.
I'm talking about relationship stuff here because in my life, that's really the only source of occasional emotional turmoil that I can't deal with on my own. But it applies to a lot of things really. It's important to have mates. Just try and keep in touch with some of them instead of being totally estranged.
