How do you stop being an over-sensitive, tetchy motherfucker? How do you develop "thicker skin", as it were? How do you tell if that's even what you are?
Because I'm not sure, but I think sometimes I might be. Or maybe I just find it hard to see clearly between the times it's justified for me to stand my ground and tell a mate/colleague/girlfriend to fuck off and/or apologise (or whatever, usually there's a bit of a slag off match and then the other person backs down and says sorry, you know what it's like) and the times I am, for all intents and purposes, just being a pissy little bitch.
Partly it comes down to my upbringing where I had a lot of people take advantage of me and I learned pretty late to stand up for myself, so that as an adult I kind of overcompensate and go on the defensive over every perceived slight. As a result I have a sharp temper, I'm quite strong willed, and have a bit of chip on my shoulder about letting people disrespect me. But sometimes in retrospect I think I definitely am the arsehole for making a mountain out of what barely even needed be a molehill. We all have ups and downs and I'm definitely stressed more than usual lately, but this does seem to be a pattern in my life and I don't think I can blame it entirely on external factors.
Then again I don't know, there are many people who say I'm the most chilled out person they know, and if anyone gets on my bad side it must be their problem. But if that's true it means I clearly have some pretty toxic people in my life who provoke me to anger far too easily. Colleagues I don't really give a fuck about, but I try to avoid conflict with my mates as much as possible, because I only have a handful; and in particular it concerns me that my partners (generally speaking, over my life) are so easily able to upset me. I don't want to indulge some chronic masturbator logic that they're always "testing me" and I need to put my foot down to "be the man", but at times that's the only way I can honestly read the situation. Like they want to get a rise out of me.
I just don't know, I really think my life would be easier and less painful sometimes if I was able to swallow my pride and let things go more often. But at the same time I already think I do that often enough, and the more you do it, the more you tell people they can walk over you.
>>32020 >stand my ground and tell a mate/colleague/girlfriend to fuck off and/or apologise
I think there is a middle ground for sure. I have a lot of sympathy for much of what you say, but it your emotions in this post seem somewhat bipolar.
>they're always "testing me" and I need to put my foot down to "be the man", but at times that's the only way I can honestly read the situation
>Like they want to get a rise out of me.
I think this bit is interesting and worth talking about - my experience of life is that I have never wanted a rise out of anybody - I don't think people work that way, quite the opposite - particularly if it is going to make somebody upset or angry. Maybe I am naive but most people want to avoid conflict.
Indeed, but how does one control their emotions in the heat of the moment to see it?
>I don't think people work that way, quite the opposite
In general my impression is that they don't consciously realise they are doing it, or actively want to, but that it's one of those daft subconscious human nature ways of establishing/testing a power dynamic.
There definitely are certain personalities out there who'll try to get a rise out of people for one reason or another. But the thing to do is laugh or shrug it off, if you can't avoid them entirely. It's a knack that can be hard to learn if you're not used to doing it but it's worthwhile.
Rather than 'swallowing [your] pride', try feeling sorry for them. See if you can make your internal reaction be 'Oh no, why does this person feel they have to be this petty? What turned them into this sad little thing?'. The point isn't to empathise with them so much as to realise you're a bigger person than that, you're above the silly game.
