Lads, I have a sex problem that's probably minor and nothing to worry about but which I really need to sort.
I've started a great relationship with a woman, we've only just started dating but we get along really well and she's my type. We've spent a couple nights together but in bed I seem to lose steam and can only finish, if at all, myself. I always get her off but I know this hurts her feelings and she worries that it's something about her or that there's something she's not doing. Stopped wearing a condom but still the same issue, she's trying her best to get it working too but no avail.
I've had this before, shy dick but it's always sorted by now and I'm not sure what I'm not doing to replicate it. How do I sort this? It's like I lose grip, I suddenly go through the motions and start to depersonalise. I'm not in the right headspace at all and it feels like my isn't cutting the mustard. I'll get some Cialis tomorrow and I've reassured her that it's not unusual and that we just need to give it time but I'm worried. I really like her lads and this is ruining what is otherwise a really great time.
I'm having trouble understanding the issue because of all these fucking metaphors. We're all ladm9s here, there's no need for any of this beating around the bush:
>I seem to lose steam ... It's like I lose grip, I suddenly go through the motions and start to depersonalise. I'm not in the right headspace at all and it feels like my isn't cutting the mustard
You're losing your erection? Is that what you're on about?
Well the first thing not to do is try not to get overly worried about it, because that can make it worse. You certainly don't need to be worried about it after "a couple nights", that doesn't necessarily indicate a long-term issue.
How old are you? Do you have any of the risk factors for ED - booze, fags, being overweight? The Cialis should help (I'm on it myself). Successfully finishing sessions on it can give you a helpful confidence boost.
As for your new lass, if she doesn't stop taking it personally you may want to reconsider whether she is The One. From the sounds of it she is enjoying herself, but sex doesn't have to be all about penetration and you might need to both learn that together.
>>33513 It sounds to me like the thing I have had in every sexual experience I've ever had (admittedly not that many), where your cock stays erect but you can't ejaculate no matter what you do.
OP, are you diabetic? Apparently that can cause dick problems too. The talk about "death-grip masturbation" is all bollocks from what I have been able to ascertain.
>>33513 >>33514 >You're losing your erection? Is that what you're on about?
It's like something clicks in my brain first and I lose the moment of passion. My pleasure stops and it just turns into sensation even as we're fucking if that makes sense, I can physically feel myself but I don't know how to describe it beyond a numbness to the experiance. Then I lose my erection as despite getting pleasure my mind is blocking it out.
I'm mid-30s, overweight but I can masturbate fine and generally have good stamina in bed but it's not impossible for me to ejaculate. But for instance this morning I managed to get her off and then went to finish myself off but even masturbating myself to her became unappealing and I stopped. My theory is that I'm just nervous with her because things are great and it's causing my body to go into a fight-or-flight response.
>>33515 Possibly way off with this take but I'm going to throw it out there and see what sticks.
Your capacity for sexual conquest has been psychologically eroded by a society that deamonised male sexuality. You can no longer assert your desires onto another person without feeling guilty or ashamed about it.
You have internalised the misandry of modern life. What do you actually want? Not what are the goals society approves of. But what are your really filthy horny desires. What fantasies do you feel kind of guilty about having? You need to tap into those. Maybe this person is actually fundamentally wrong for you but you've ignored the desire to fill someone with cum so long as a valid motive you haven't even registered that as an issue. Maybe you are just too afraid it will be inappropriate to grab them and have your way with them. Maybe your partner is not trying enough to actually entice you.
The problem does not sound like one of a mechanical nature but one phycological I wouldn't turn to errection pills to solve this I would turn to a set of handcuffs and violating your sexual taboos first.
Okay. Here's an idea. How about you voice your thoughts as to what possible reasons they could be like you are having a discussion, like you are trying to help the OP by giving them ideas to consider. Rather than just shutting down ideas as being your secret enemies you insufferable cunt?
>>33519 is obviously a retard and deserves at least a comedy ban for his woeful spelling.
OP: Just try to take the pressure off a bit. The stress is the main issue, not your ability to orgasm. Be open about the fact that you're not in the right headspace. You're having trouble spaffing at the moment, but that's fine, you can still have fun if you don't get totally hung up about it. Park the whole issue for a bit, commit to not having an orgasm during sex for the next week or two and focus on the aspects of sex that are still enjoyable for both of you. Keep communicating.
>>33515 >It's like something clicks in my brain first and I lose the moment of passion. My pleasure stops and it just turns into sensation even as we're fucking if that makes sense, I can physically feel myself but I don't know how to describe it beyond a numbness to the experiance. Then I lose my erection as despite getting pleasure my mind is blocking it out.
Offering my personal experience: usually when I get "out of the mindset" during sex, it's because I'm experiencing physical discomfort that pulls my attention away from the pleasure. Sometimes it's just being in an uncomfortable position, but most often it's when I get out of breath. Maintaining an erection is a balance between cardiovascular demands and pleasurable stimulus, and feeling burning in your lungs or soreness in your muscles can be a big distraction. Masturbating requires a lot less physical effort than sex with a partner.
Another thing: when you say that you can only finish yourself off, what has your partner actually tried? Have you tried just relaxing and letting her give you a handjob or blowjob? If you get off with her that way, you can pretty safely say it's more physical than psychological.
This poster >>33524 is also giving good advice. Sex can be enjoyable regardless of the orgasm. Not everything needs to finish in porno-style climax within a specified timeframe, try building up your desire for eachother by just playing and having fun with it.
I'm really sorry to derail OP, I do sympathise but I'm in public and
>Call me a silly goose to my face and see what happens fuck head.
Keeps making me crack up. POTY?
>My theory is that I'm just nervous with her because things are great and it's causing my body to go into a fight-or-flight response.
That's pretty much exactly what it is. They call it "performance anxiety" and "stage fright" among various similar euphemisms for a reason.
It becomes a vicious cycle, where the fact you're so determined not to think about it means you can't help but think about it which makes it harder not to think about it... The reason "enhancers" like cialis are helpful is not because it actually helps you get a hard on- That's not the problem, it's because it helps you take your mind off of getting a hard on, and you can just relax and enjoy it.
I think what a lot of blokes either never quite realise is just how big a part of arousal is entirely mental- We tend to think women are the mentally stimulated sensitive ones who need you to turn on their mind as well as their body, but men are exactly the same and it's absolute bollocks to say there's a distinction.
Once you understand the whole mental process that's going on here, you can start being a lot more forgiving on yourself about it, I find. It's not a failing on your part, it's just that sex is really quite high pressure and high expectation on a bloke, and women are really often quite insensitive about it.
>>33518 There's definately desire there. I can't keep my hands off her despite the knowledge that I might not perform and although it's early days it does feel different this time compared to my other relationships. I'm not just being a soppy git either, she's very keen in bed and has been open if there's anything she can do for me.
>>33524 I've talked to her about it, and assured that it's just something that will take time. She's happy that she's getting an orgasm out of it and I always take care of her, I've done a good job so far so I don't think I'm in any danger. It's just that obviously it's frustrating and disappointing for me when all I want to do is give her a good seeing to.
>>33528 Yeah there is maybe that angle too. I have a soreness in my hip and in one attempt my foot cramped up, one of the things that has taken me out of it is even that I seem to lose purchase on the bed which then ties to losing steam.
>Another thing: when you say that you can only finish yourself off, what has your partner actually tried? Have you tried just relaxing and letting her give you a handjob or blowjob? If you get off with her that way, you can pretty safely say it's more physical than psychological.
She'll do it all and let's me finish in her mouth but I've never really been able to get off from a lass blowing me, beating me off and I prefer being on top. It's a mixture of being dominant in bed (and she's definately into getting chocked, spanked having her hair pulled etc.) and well, it feels nice but lasses struggle and soon tire out if she's riding you.
>>33531 Funnily enough I did plan to try again in the middle of the night when I'm more relaxed. An early morning quickie when I'd be more comfortable and relaxed. But I quickly fell back asleep once we'd cuddled up.
We've got a relaxed overnight at hers on Wednesday after work. I'll take some Cialis and hopefully she'll have some ratty bedsheets on so I can keep my grip.
>>33533 It was alright. Probably thanks to the Cialis I stayed hard even after I'd came but despite absolutely hammering her for what felt like an hour I still ended by finished myself off after she'd had enough and gone to finger herself. There were a few moments where I think I was close.
I think she regretted not having any lube in her house. Not that it's a boast considering I'm juicing.
>>33534 Are you on anti-depressants? They're known to block orgasm. I haven't read the thread.
> I still ended by finished myself off after she'd had enough and gone to finger herself.
..what?
>>33535 I'm not on any anti-depressants at the moment unless we count Nutella.
>..what?
So after a good while she was tired of getting fucked and trying to give me a handjob so we switched to her playing with herself while I masturbated to completion over her. Make sense?
Honestly lad I would just flip my perspective a bit here, most lads have the problem of finishing too soon and yours would be a very nice problem to have in their shoes.
I can imagine if this was me I don't usually have any issues, but lately I haven't been getting any at all so nevermind it'd be more the whole thing of the lass feeling like she's not satisfying and all that headache of trying to re-assure me, rather than the not finishing, that got to me. So just as long as you can keep her re-assured and all that I think you can safely just shrug and say "is what it is" to this.
Things have chilled out. I managed to fuck her until I came on Friday. And we went again. She certainly seemed happy with the result and opened up about what she likes (chocking, generally being a sub because she like to give power to people).
Although I shouldn't have gotten greedy in the morning, my hips have been very sore. I reckon I might just have atrophied sex muscles in my lower back.
