>>3653
You've got problems mate. I would clamp the tip of my cock if I were you.

Must be nice. I was woken up tonight by a kidney stone, the pain and jerking to wide awake was such a shock to my system that I have started shitting liquid.

There are better ways to ask your partner if they're into water sports, mate.

Are they awake yet?

>>3653
Just blame it on her fanny. Tell her you can't piss while you have a hard-on, and that watching her piss herself meant that you had a hard-on that lasted for eight hours.

>>3656
She woke up about half 8, but she's a heavy sleeper and doesn't have a brilliant sense of smell so I don't think she's smelt or felt it.

All I need to do is wash my pissy bedclothes and the bedding and I'm in the clear, but how do I not piss the bed again? Obviously I'm a small child.

Bit embarrassing for me to admit, but sometimes this happens to me.

Roughly once a year, since about the age of 16, I've pissed the bed. I can't work out why, it's never when I've drank a lot or whatever, it will just happen, and it always follows the same routine.

I dream something is going on and that I need to do something but have a piss first. I have a piss in my dream and just as I'm finished I'll wake up and realise it was real.

I don't want to go to the doctors but I have no idea why the fuck it happens as an otherwise healthy lad.

>>3658

Get a nappy, no shame in it, astronauts wear them, and astronauts are cool.

>>3660
That's straying dangerously into >>/iq/55030 territory. Slippery slope.

>>3661

and this post is straying dangerously close to >>/shed/13568. Closet crayfish.

Waterproof mattress protector. You can mention it to your GP if you like but the fact that both of you are dreaming while urinating suggests your brain is just getting a wee (heh) bit confused about releasing your bladder taps. If it's that irregular (less than once every 6 months) then I wouldn't worry about it. If it makes you feel any better, I've had numerous close calls rushing home to try and make it to the toilet, and did once wet myself on my mum's kitchen floor. I have a history of rampant ketamine usage though, so I've always blamed any bladder difficulties on that.

Have you been under allot of stress lately, perhaps from your parents or Mrs noncing you?

(A good day to you Sir!)

A drug called desmopressin reduces urine production and is used to preventing bedwetting. Ask your GP about it.

>>3665

Can we have just one fucking thread without noncing. It's almost Christmas.

>>3667
>It's almost Christmas.

The time for gift givers and receivers?

>>3668
Positively.

I too suffer from occasional nocturnal enuresis, OP. To prevent it I've started making sure I go to sleep on an empty bladder.

Like you and >>3659, it will almost always occur when I'm in a dream and feel like I need to wee, and then wake up and find I've done it for real.

Once, I needed to wee and thought that I'd better check that I wasn't in a dream first, and then started weeing once I was satisfied I was awake... and then woke up.

It's so utterly frustrating and embarrassing. The nightmare is when it inevitably happens whilst I have a bird in my bed.

I occasionally get up and piss up the wall if I'm too drunk but otherwise this never happens to me, thank fuck.

>>3671

Yes, that's much less embarrassing.

"I'll give you the tour. This is our spare room and just along here is the wall I blast with piss occasionally while pissed. Yeah, best not to stand here either..."

>>3671
I once accidentally got up, sleepwalked and pissed on a mate. Two other mates watched this with great amusement. In fact only one of them was awake, but he knew what was going to happen so woke the other up saying "Watch this".

I awoke halfway through the act. I found it hilarious as well. The lad who had been pissed on less so.

>>3671

It's better than posing in the laundry basket, but for fuck's sake, get an amphora.

>>3674

I mean pissing, not posing. My phone deleted all my swear words and now I have to manually re-add them.

>>3672
It's easy to clean up in the morning and I don't have to sleep in it.

I'm not sure what use an amphora would be but a chamberpot might be sensible.

Good news, lads. I didn't piss myself last night.

>>3677
Put a gold star on your wall chart.

>>3678
What do I get when I have 10 gold stars?

>>3679

The ultimate sign of mastery.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>3680

Lad.

>>3679
Big boy pants. And a lingering thought that nappies might be comfier than waking up in a swamp?

>>3682
Adults in nappies reminds me of the Teletubbies. Did they actually soil themselves or were they for aesthetic purposes?

OP here, I woke up damp again this morning. Fortunately I'm 99% sure it was jizz on this occasion, as I was having a sex dream at the time.

>>3722

You should be able to tell for sure from the smell.

It happened again last night, albeit not much more than a trickle. Fortunately it only wet my pyjama bottoms and they dried relatively quickly. The thing is, I'd pissed in my dream, including making the active decision in it whether to piss or not, but then I woke up and I'd pissed in real life too.

>>3925
Pyjama bottoms? How old are you?

>>3926
It's cold weather.

>>3925
You sound disgusting. Scum.

>>3925
How old are you now? Have you had your prostate checked yet?

I don't really have any advice to offer, but I can imagine it must be awful waiting for that spinning top to fall over every time you need to go for a piss.

>>3929
30 and no.

>>3931
Best make an appointment at the GP then, hadn't you.

I pissed in a mates living room earlier this year. I'd been drinking a lot, I was asleep on the sofa and another friend on the floor. I got up in the dark, he asked what I was doing, and apparently I said "not pissing in the river." He thought I was joking, but then I really did start to piss, so he was shouting that I should stop it, and I kept saying "I'm not even pissing," then he shouted our mutual friend and I woke up mid-stream. I tried to do the same thing a couple of months later and found out why you don't wake up sleepwalkers. I started throwing punches at him, don't remember that though (cos I was asleep, obviously) and it turned into a full fight. So I just woke up in the middle of a fight.

Still got the better of him though.

Also, about ten years ago I did it at an ex-girlfriends house, again after a lot of alcohol that evening, but unique to this incident, it was all over he dads clothes which were drying on a clothes horse. He wasn't happy.

>>3653
Jokes aside though, the real question you should be asking is why you didn't *at the very least* piss on her tits. I understand that you were asleep, so a proper arse-pissing would be a tricky manoeuvre - but come on.

It's happened again, the first time in about 20 months.

On this occasion I can't recall what I was dreaming about, so it's not the scenario of what's happened previously where I've pissed in a dream and it's actually happened in real life and I don't think it was preceded by a wet dream either.

I think it's because I didn't go for a wee immediately before going to sleep. Fortunately it was a relatively small trickle, but enough to dampen my bed clothes and the bedsheets a little, as I needed a monster piss when I woke up.

>>4536
Is the Mrs into water sports after all that?