> Captain Beany, the UK’s greatest and most eccentric baked bean fanatic, is looking for love. Lately, however, both his obsession and below-average penis have made it difficult.

> But for the superhero formerly known as Barry Kirk, now officially Captain Beany, they’re his lifeblood, practically a religion at this point. However, in his quest for a partner, not everyone is quite so full of beans.

I don't think it's the size of his winky, more his obsession with Baked Beans that might be holding him back.

https://web.archive.org/web/20200320143711/https://www.unilad.co.uk/life/baked-bean-fanatic-thinks-his-small-penis-is-hurting-his-love-life/