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>> No. 3255 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 11:09 am
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I'm due to get on a plane for the first time in my life tomorrow morning. I've already checked in online and am about to print a boarding card. It's a five hour flight, and I intend to bring a change of clothes (in case the rest of my luggage is lost), some books and a snack in my carry-on.

Am I missing anything? What travel tips do you lads have?
Expand all images.
>> No. 3256 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 11:10 am
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>>3255
Leave guns and explosives at home.
>> No. 3257 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 11:19 am
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Take 10p for the phonebox.
>> No. 3258 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 11:21 am
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>>3257

Why would I need to use a phone box?
>> No. 3259 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 11:23 am
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>>3258

RIP Anon.
>> No. 3260 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 11:58 am
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If it's only five hours then you don't really need to worry about anything, a book or two will do you. Get there well in advance like they recommend, check-in and all the associated bollocks takes far longer than you're probably expecting.
>> No. 3261 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:07 pm
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>>3260
Oh, one more thing: you'll find the staff are a touch uptight when it comes to the contents of your carry-on luggage. They will confiscate nail clippers, for instance, because obviously a man armed with nail clippers poses a real threat to the safety of staff and passengers.

Don't bring a penknife, or scissors, or anything like that.
>> No. 3262 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:19 pm
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>>3261
I brought a lighter onto a flight once (post-2001), it was clearly a souvenir so they waved me through anyway. I think I made more of a fuss about it than they did.
>> No. 3263 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:20 pm
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Shiiiiit, maaaaan. That honky muf' be messin' mah old lady... got to be runnin' cold upside down his head, you know?
>> No. 3264 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:37 pm
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>>3256
Also don't threaten the staff if you don't like the nuts.
>> No. 3265 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:45 pm
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I got frisked the last two times I've been at an airport, I think because my jeans had a bit of metal on them. Try not to laugh when they go near your armpits and don't be surprised if they put their thumbs in your undercrackers.

All you really need is a book and something to suck on, like mints, to stop your ears going all doolally.
>> No. 3266 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:47 pm
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>>3265
>All you really need is a book and something to suck on
Larry Craig, have you not learnt your lesson?
>> No. 3267 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 12:51 pm
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>>3265
>something to suck on, like mints, to stop your ears going all doolally.
Am I imagining it, or has this got better over the years? I flew in the 90s and it was agonising, these days I don't notice it. Is it me that's changed?
>> No. 3268 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 1:06 pm
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>>3267
I had it last week, but that was a pokey little Easyjet probably from the 90s.
>> No. 3269 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 1:40 pm
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>>3267
Now that you mention it, I haven't experienced it either for a while now. Maybe we've just gotten used to it, or it's down to the type of plane.
>> No. 3270 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 1:55 pm
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>>3262
I took a regular lighter on last summer.
>> No. 3271 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 1:58 pm
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>>3270
It's almost as if airport security is inconsistent and indeed mere theatre.
>> No. 3272 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 1:59 pm
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>>3267
Yes, in children the Eustachian tubes are slightly differently shaped compared to when you're an adult, so they don't drain as effectively. There's also slightly more tissue in the adenoids in children, which can block the Eustachian tube - these two factors contribute to why children get more ENT infections. Also, children don't have the self-awareness to realise that swallowing and yawning etc. can help to equalise the pressure in the inner ear, and (and this is my theory) just haven't experienced enough of life yet to get used to minor traumas. A small child whinges far more about a small burn than it will when it's a chef in adulthood.
>> No. 3273 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 2:37 pm
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>>3270
I took four receptacles of incredibly compressed methane onto a flight last year.
>> No. 3274 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 2:52 pm
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>>3273
I hope it was a short flight.


Methane is odourless.
>> No. 3275 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 3:08 pm
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>>3272
>just haven't experienced enough of life yet to get used to minor traumas
It's part and parcel of the same thing but I think about it in terms of time. You've not experienced much time as a child, but as an adult it passes rapidly. A small burn disfigures a child's body for a significant proportion of it's consciously lived life, the adult chef knows that it'll have healed and vanished before he has time to think about it.
>> No. 3276 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 3:10 pm
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>>3274
It would have been hard pressed to leak. Hard pressed. Compressed methane. I crack myself up.
>> No. 3277 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 4:00 pm
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As you'll soon discover, flying on an aeroplane is really fucking boring. The tight security and tight schedule means you and your fellow passengers are just herded like cattle from one checkpoint to the next, constantly inspected and questioned ('have you packed your bag yourself, are you bringing any liquids on board' etc.), and then once you're on the flight it's several hours of sitting and feeling slightly nauseous because of the cabin conditions and recycled air and constant ambient noise from the engine. It's really the least enjoyable bit of travelling abroad.

You might consider mentioning to them that you've never flown before in case they're prepared to give you fuller explanations about what's happening and what you need to do next.
>> No. 3278 Anonymous
24th April 2015
Friday 4:15 pm
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They took my body-shower-gel because the bottle was big enough to house 250ml, although there was only about 50 ml of gel left in the bottle. A man groped me, and they swiped some flat paper like thing on my wrists and waist area, perhaps to check for drugs.

I hate flying.
>> No. 3279 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 3:09 am
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>>3261

The rules have relaxed a fair bit, although that knowledge hasn't necessarily trickled down to staff on the front line (especially at Heathrow). I pack a small pair of nail scissors and a pair of pointed tweezers, but I wrap them in a printed copy of the carry-on regulations.
>> No. 3280 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 5:25 am
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>>3277

I'm convinced air mile rewards exist not as a loyalty program, but as an international system to prevent in-flight murder sprees.
>> No. 3281 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 3:11 pm
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>>3278

Was it this guy?

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/convicted-sex-offender-gets-job-7087281
>> No. 3282 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 9:08 pm
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>>3269
Lol I passed out when landing at Copenhagen once because of the pain in the sinuses/nose+forehead and eyes popping out(no joke) I can't describe how painful but when you pass out it's probably pretty bad lol. True story, no troll.
Had the same shit 3-5 more times but not as severe, just the feeling of my head exploding from the pressure inside. It always happens on landing. Do I fuck? No, I've learned to swallow small gulps of water fast, every 2 second when hitting through clouds(that's when it usually starts, that decompression in my head), and it seems to help.
But I love to fly so nothing will stop me.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 3283 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 9:11 pm
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>>3282

Have you had a doctor have a peek in your ear? It could be time for an ear syringing.
>> No. 3284 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 10:02 pm
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>>3283
Never with ears, its those sinuses above the nose.
>> No. 3286 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 10:24 pm
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Gun shaped soap on a rope in bog kit. Passengers will see you get into bother at check in. Make excuses and get on plane. Say Alluha Akbar a lot whilst fiddling with non contraband calculator.
>> No. 3287 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 11:30 pm
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For the pressure build-up, I close my mouth and squash my nostrils between thumb and index finger then try to exhale. Works like a treat.

No doubt there will be a medical reason not to do so. Just like cleaning your ears out with cotton buds or not squat-shitting.
>> No. 3288 Anonymous
25th April 2015
Saturday 11:37 pm
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>>3287

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valsalva_maneuver
>> No. 3289 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 1:33 am
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>>3286
Will someone please, please tell me what the fuck "soap on a rope" is? I've heard this phrase throughout my life but I don't think I've ever seen it. Is it just a physical piece of soap on a rope? Why would you need that? What does the rope offer?
>> No. 3290 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 1:37 am
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>>3289
You can wield it as a weapon to attack your enemies with. It is the opposite of fighting dirty.
>> No. 3291 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 1:52 am
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>>3289
>Will someone please, please tell me what the fuck "soap on a rope" is?
It's soap, except it's on a rope.
>> No. 3292 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 1:59 am
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>>3289
You won't get anally raped if your drop the soap since it is attached to a rope.
>> No. 3293 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 3:22 am
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>>3289

You can hang it up in the shower or give it as a tacky gift to people you don't particularly like or know well. I think it's a thing mostly because it rhymes.
>> No. 3294 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 3:32 am
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I found this description on the web:
>Ordinary bar soap can be extremely difficult to control when wet, and picking up a dropped soap bar could have dire consequences.
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-soap-on-a-rope.htm
>> No. 3299 Anonymous
26th April 2015
Sunday 1:47 pm
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Thanks for the comprehensive responses, lads. I think I'm still a bit agog at the idea that slippery soap could be considered such an important a gap in the market.

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