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|>>|| No. 23386
There was an episode of Bernard's Watch where Bernard had stopped time whilst he was on one of his little escapades, trying to catch a rabbit that was on the loose or something like that, and when he unfroze time several hours later it turned out that the chicken his mum had been roasting was burnt to a crisp because it had continued to cook during all of the hours it was frozen.
This has always stayed with me because I thought it was so fucked up. Imagine you've just got into a red hot bath to relax and next thing you know your tender flesh is peeling away from the bone and congealing around you because, completely unbeknownst to you, you've actually been boiled alive for several hours whilst some little scamp has frozen time so he can be at two different friend's birthday parties at the same time or whatever. Fucked up, I tell you.
|>>|| No. 23387
It does raise some interesting questions about energy and the laws of physics in Bernard's universe.
|>>|| No. 23388
I always wanted the Bernard's Watch finalé to end like the Twilight Zone episode it was based off (presumably, if not it'd be a massive coincidence); Bernie taking too many liberties, breaking the watch whilst in freezetime, and being forced to live forever in a frozen world in which he never ages.
|>>|| No. 23389
I'm pretty sure Bernard aged when time was frozen, there was an episode where he hurt himself and wouldn't be able to go on holiday with his family and he just froze time for a week so he could heal
|>>|| No. 23390
My biggest gripe with this show was the fact that for some reason, time being stopped gave him the ability to lift very heavy things that would normally be beyond him. In one episode, he moves a full size bouncy castle under a falling man and saves his live.
|>>|| No. 23391
Did something like this happen in The Queen's Nose or Demon Headmaster or something?
I'm sure some of the kids TV in this era had some proper grim themes, covered up by bright jumpers and bowlcuts.
|>>|| No. 23392
I think Bernard the little fuck did forget to take it for a service too long and it starting playing up and he basically broke the whole of reality for a while, but then the magic postman guy turned up and deus ex machina'd everything for him.
|>>|| No. 23394
Why did you have to show me this, I'd forgotten about my childhood crush and now she's fucking gorgeous.
|>>|| No. 23395
>I'm sure some of the kids TV in this era had some proper grim themes, covered up by bright jumpers and bowlcuts.
A lot of Roald Dalhs books had some dark themes or twists to them, and plenty of 90s kids programming was either directly based on his work or heavily influenced by it. And then of course this was the era of goosebumps, and I think that the short stories by Paul Jennings had a massive influence on me. And then if you think about it you also have childrens cartoons like spiderman which I think were still quite a bit darker in some ways than even adult-orientated superhero movies today.
And then of course going through the optimism of the 2000s all those sorts of darker themes slowly got pushed aside by Harry Potter and LotR driving a big resurgence in fantasy and worlds where good always wins and all your wishes come true.
|>>|| No. 23396
A bit earlier than Bernard's Watch but still full of bowl-cuts and brightly knitted jumpers; was Sapphire & Steel aimed at kids? The first season at least co-starred a pair of children.
|>>|| No. 23397
It seems David Walliams and the like are trying to make a comeback with more cynical kids' books but it does seem rather forced, doesn't it.
|>>|| No. 23399
The PC brigade are angry about the children's books Walliams has written and they seem to have a point; they're not really cynical so much as nasty in the way you should really have expected, coming from the creator of Little Britain.
|>>|| No. 23403
Natalie for me every time. Then again I was only about thirteen myself when that show came out.
Didn't the older sister eventually move out and get replaced by some kind of goth cousin or has my long term memory finally turned to fudge?
|>>|| No. 23410
Rosie is mixed race but what you could call a new age traveller. She met Jim who is one of the last of those canal boat people who used to transport coal and settled down. I don't like to think about how they're creepy dolls that come alive when nobody is looking because it's a bit unsettling.
Nobody told me this but for some reason its the story that has been in my mind since I saw the show.
|>>|| No. 23411
That concertina is a cheap piece of tat and the Ragdoll is a horrible sardine can of a boat.
Little felt bastards with their knitting wool hair, trying to steal your soul when you aren't looking. Send them all back to whatever haberdashery they came from.
|>>|| No. 23414
Fucking hell what's going on here? Is he going to send him on a conveyer belt towards a buzzsaw like in a Bond supervillain? I thought Bernard's Watch was supposed to be about stopping time because his mum forgot to get milk from the shops and the like.
|>>|| No. 23417
Do you reckon you could knock someone out with a sack of spuds to their bonce?
|>>|| No. 23423
Makes sense. The terminal velocity of a 3"3, or 300g potato is about 92m/s which is more than double the upper velocity a human can throw.
|>>|| No. 23425
Your average* person can easily match that speed with an atlatl, if they know what they're doing.
*in good shape, so not an average modern Anglo.
|>>|| No. 23426
Maybe if I whirled it around like a discus thrower, but I suspect that the loose spuds would dissipate a lot of the energy. It'd be a nasty knock, but I wouldn't bank on it as a knockout blow. I'd be more confident with one big spud in a football sock.
|>>|| No. 23900
When I was younger I always used to dream about entering the Blue Peter sunflower competition, but I never did. I entered two of their competitions, one which was the 'Crown for the Millennium' where I drew a really cool Millennium Dome crown but lost out to some girl who drew a bunch of twigs sticking out of a green cap and the other was where you had to draw the Millennium Bug and I drew a really cool insectoid where the body was made out of microchips and it had really fierce looking mandibles but I didn't win that one either. They didn't even show my entries on the telly, those fuckers.
|>>|| No. 23902
I can relate to this actually. Looking back any kind of children's art competition is either politics or just picking something at random that looks like a kid's drawing. Merit has nothing to do with it.
Why do adults rig everything?
|>>|| No. 23903
My drawing of Fox from The Animals of Farthing Wood was utterly outstanding, and that was never shown either. It's ridiculous. My mum agrees; ask her.
|>>|| No. 23904
Did I imagine it or was there a scandal with Blue Peter rigging a competition?
|>>|| No. 23905
It was the cat naming competition, they went with a name that didn't win the public vote. Think to vote you have to call a premium phone number, so it was a bit dodgy.
|>>|| No. 23906
Looking into it, no premium number, just an online vote. The people wanted Cookie, but BBC changed the results to name the cat Socks.
|>>|| No. 23919
>Former Blue Peter editor Richard Marson is understood to have been dismissed in the wake of the incident. But insiders claimed he was the victim of a "witch hunt". One said: "Staff didn't want to call the cat Cookie as they felt it was inappropriate because of child obesity."
>Marson also decided to pick the name Socks - for most of the poll in first place - after a late surge of multiple votes for the name Cookie indicated "something fishy".
Jamie Oliver definitely has his clammy mitts all over this.
|>>|| No. 23920
Has technology advanced to the point where we can now manifest or encourage concepts into being by simply referring to a word associated with that concept?
>Mum-of-three Jane Hudson blasted the supermarket, asking if it was ‘implying all Janes are plain’.
>‘What’s the connection? Are they implying Janes are plain!!!! NOT HAPPY!!!!
>‘They’re a plain vanilla doughnut, I don’t know why they need to name it that person’s name.
>‘I’m not moaning, they were very tasty, I just think M&S should know better.’
>The post sparked a huge discussion, with 250 comments from people including Karens and Debbies, who shared their own experiences of being the butt of people’s jokes.
>‘Life’s too short to be always offended, they just aren’t very inventive.’
How do you stop this superstition of literalism seeping into the world? I mean the sheer fucking stupidity of it is clear, but for example M&S website describes the offending donut as "‘Our ‘plain Jane’ version is simply delicious, with a sweet vanilla flavour,’ the retailer’s website reads." Doesn't sound very bloody plain, does it Jane? No, it's 'simply delicious' and contains vanilla, a fucking spice often sourced from Madagascar. Fucking hell, Jane.
Has telling everyone that their feelings are valid regardless of rationale opened a Pandora's box a plague of loud morons who can't be dealt with without admitting that actually, some people and some opinions are just plain stupid?
|>>|| No. 23921
What do you think the average age of someone with the name Debbie, Karen or Jane is? Women of a certain age love to be busybody's and have a good moan because they have fuck all of interest actually going on in their life.
|>>|| No. 23922
>Has telling everyone that their feelings are valid regardless of rationale opened a Pandora's box[?]
Yes. Sometimes people just need to be told to shut the fuck up and stop whinging, but over the last decade we have slowly lost the stomach to do it.
People typically want to blame it on the loony left and all that, but I think it's actually the other way around- The loud morons who poured out of the proverbial pandora's box subsequently occupied and lobotomised the left, making it into what it is today.
I think the Karen one is deliciously ironic though, because look at them all. Being massive Karens about it, proving us right.
|>>|| No. 23923
I'm no expert because I think doughnuts in general are massively overrated, but I assume the name is referring to how it's decorated, not how it tastes. Most doughnuts I see nowadays are very multicoloured.
|>>|| No. 23924
>Women of a certain age love to be busybody's and have a good moan because they have fuck all of interest actually going on in their life.
You're also forgetting that she's a 'mum-of-three'. She's not only boring but feels entitled which is why she's complaining to M&S instead of her local arse-pissing forum.
Doughnuts are actually one of the 'healthiest' bakery goods, croissants aside. Muffins and cookies take the piss.
>but I assume the name is referring to how it's decorated, not how it tastes
I don't know why we've decided as a society that vanilla is plain, it's some fantasy universe plant taking 4 years to mature that magically flowers for 24 hours once a year. A vanilla doughnut is the best.
|>>|| No. 23991
All I can remember from Diggit was Dave The Barbarian and House Of Mouse, both of which were pretty good shows. It's sad that Des had to kill people in a car crash and rape a woman, while Fearne Cotton gets off scott free. Shows that there's no such thing as justice in this day and age.
|>>|| No. 23992
If they're serious about cracking down on crime, the police should be going through Fearne Cotton's contact list.
|>>|| No. 23996
>her connection to taking down Britchan?
I never posted on Britchan. I'm too new. Can someone please summarise what happened? Did she post there? Was the Vorderman thread about her instead?
|>>|| No. 23997
Not to answer your question but Britchan was a bit like the American Confederacy; it lasted for all of five minutes relative to here but gets far too much remembering.
|>>|| No. 24068
Ugh, the masks of shame. A lingering taint on this site's past as a few of their lot were regulars here. I imagine someone will be along shortly to talk about Heretic or The Saddo.
|>>|| No. 24071
>a few of their lot were regulars here
This whole website is a Chanology hub by design. We've just been suppressed by Scientology-lads starting cunt-offs about materialism and girls with willies.
|>>|| No. 24072
I read something earlier in the month about a CBBC presenter, who also ran a dog walking business, getting convicted of making beastiality porn. I'm guessing they're not going to address this on air, but I remember it being such a big deal when Richard Bacon was caught smoking weed and had to apologise for it.
|>>|| No. 24073
I always wonder about deviants like zoophiles and pedos, how do they operate their little secret networks? Do they have some form of secret code word like bumders used to have polari?
I suppose there's the dark web these days, but there have always been bumders and dog fuckers.
|>>|| No. 24074
Have you never noticed how you get those groups of dog-walkers in the park? I reckon If you fancied doing some lab work you'd just need to find a perverted circle. Maybe slip it into conversation and see how it goes.
Good god is this how I'm going to spend my Saturday.
|>>|| No. 24076
Who the fuck wrote that article? It sounds like a report done by aliens, or maybe just translated a couple of times.
|>>|| No. 24077
With bestiality porn I always wonder which way round they have it. Is it a horse fucking a woman? Or is it a man fucking a labrador? Which is more immoral - penetrating an animal, or being penetrated by an animal?
|>>|| No. 24078
It provides a link to the "original article" at the bottom, which makes me think the website (which I've certainly never heard of before) has a bot which just copy-pastes articles from other news sites. That would explain why it refers to a picture that isn't there, for example.
|>>|| No. 24079
It would be curious to see how far they'd take it. Are any lubes based on animal products? Is it immoral to be penetrated by a frankfurter? To eat or suck on unprocessed animal genitals while masturbating? There's always the lazy "if it's clear you're getting off on it sexually then that's what makes it porn" angle but it's not unheard of for people to describe food as being so good eating it turns them on. The imagery of this makes me feel slightly ill but it seems as though that's where the legislation's coming from, there's no actual harm prevention there.
|>>|| No. 24080
The story is copied from another website, but with a crude algorithm to replace random words with synonyms. Google's algorithm can easily spot straight plagiarism, but it struggles to detect gibberish.
It's the same reason for those long preambles on recipe websites - recipes don't look like original content to the algorithm because they're quite formulaic, so you need to tack on some bollocks about how it was your nan's favourite.
|>>|| No. 24081
I'd say it's far more immoral to penetrate and animal than it is to be penetrated by one.
If the animal is doing the penetrating then there's a reasonable chance they're getting some enjoyment out of it. The other way round reminds me of that story of a woman who pieced together that her son was raping her dogs because of miserable her pets became.
|>>|| No. 24084
I think it's dirtier to be fucked by an animal than to fuck one. Imagine a dog cumming in your bum, it's unthinkable. I can probably rationalise fucking an animal, but not enticing one to fuck your bum/fanny.
|>>|| No. 24085
The way we treat animals generally in terms of factory farming most (far worse than any concentration camp and done at a mind-boggling scale), wantonly destroying the habitats of others and enslaving the rest for emotional support/punchbags, worrying about their genitals is just bizarre.
|>>|| No. 24091
One day when I have a house I'll get a dog.
When you get a boy dog, the right thing to do is get their balls cut off, isn't it? I've always vaguely felt a bit bad about that, it's not like the poor lad asked to be a human pet, and that's the price he has to pay. I've always sympathised a bit more with animals that your average person would so it sort of troubles me a bit emotionally.
But then again, if you don't give him the snip, he's going to be very sexually frustrated. He'll be a literally involuntary celibate. Anyone who's ever gone on a residential trip as a teenager know how much of a nightmare it is not to wank for a week or two, the poor guy will be losing his mind, and it's not like he can wank himself off. They can reach down there with their mouths, which is something a human can't do, but I don't think they've invented blowjobs in dog society yet.
Is having an un-neutered dog perhaps one of the signs of a zoophile?
(I've never felt the same ethical quandary over female dogs and spaying them, so I think the solution for me is just to get a girl dog. I still wouldn't fuck it though.)
|>>|| No. 24093
Neutering dogs is largely done for human convenience. Anyone telling you otherwise is misdirecting you in an effort to be responsible about unwanted pup litters, at the expense of the health of the dog.
Neutering has some positive and negative health effects associated with it, but I believe the negative outweigh the positive and I personally wouldn't do it if I had a dog. That comes with the responsibility of supervising the dog, not letting him rut or spend time around females in heat. I'd want to avoid all of the potential problems down the road, especially the joint and bone issues that would seriously inhibit a dogs quality of life.
|>>|| No. 24094
>That comes with the responsibility of supervising the dog, not letting him rut or spend time around females in heat
Which is one reason why it's strongly recommended to neuter free-range cats. You can supervise a dog if you are a committed dog owner, but you don't know what your cat does when he or she is out and about.
A friend had an unneutered male Rottweil, which one time actually spunked on the sofa pillows after dry humping them for several minutes. Good times.
|>>|| No. 24095
Sounds like you lads want to leave bollocks on your dogs as an excuse to watch them shagging other dogs.
|>>|| No. 24097
Saying rude things in a Cockney accent is not inherently funny and it never has been. Stop posting these fucking videos I swear to God.
|>>|| No. 24351
Natalie Wild is in the third episode of This Is Going to Hurt, which is the first time she's been on the telly in about ten years.
|>>|| No. 24353
I wanted to know if I knew her from anything, but DuckDuckGo image results just return tonnes of, mostly, Natalie Mars porn (who is someone else I don't know) and with safe searching on I got a million different women actors, muscians, etc.
I have to ask, are you Natalie Wil? Because no one else seems to remember this person.
|>>|| No. 24354
IMDB has the entire cast, including nobodies, and there isn't a Natalie Wild listed. There's a Yasmin Wilde, but I don't think she's in that picture and she is allegedly only in the first two episodes anyway.
It is my conclusion that she does not exist, and is a product of your imagination like Tyler Durden. Just to confirm, I see three people in that picture you posted; if Natalie Wild is the fourth one then I recommend you seek medical attention.
|>>|| No. 24355
Natalie Wild is the name of the character that actress played in some '90's children's show, The Wild House or something like that.
|>>|| No. 24357
I think I watched The Wild House. And it was made in 1997 and appears to be aimed at the 8-12 demographic, so I almost certainly knew about it, whether I watched it or not. What a fantastic memory you have.
|>>|| No. 24366
>Sounds like you lads want to leave bollocks on your dogs as an excuse to watch them shagging other dogs.
I KNEW IT
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