Just got a funeral invitation card that's in Comic Sans from top to bottom. Who the fuck honestly does that. And it's for an elderly person too, who was friends with my parents. All you had to do was go to to some place online and get one of their templates for funeral cards. This looks like somebody made it with Microsoft Word in less than five minutes. Either that person is borderline computer illiterate, or they just don't care.

>>36536
No one on Earth except us three knows how computers work. Not even the kids, because all that stuff about teaching them to code was utter bollocks.

What the fuck is this authoratarian nightmare. Just gone to 3 sites that I usually browse AND Discord and all of them are telling me to verify ID for 18+ content. Did I wake up in China? It's not even porn and these are US companies too, so fuck them they're not getting my data.

>>36537

But Copperplate Gothic Bold is just a few flicks of the mousewheel below it. There's simply no excuse, man!

>>36539

I don't know, but that font feels a bit overused. You see it on every second upmarket wine bottle or estate agent business card.

>>36541

That's why it's perfect for a funeral, since only old people can afford wine and houses nowadays.

>>36543

>since only old people can afford wine and houses nowadays.


Après nous, le déluge.

This is my formal apology for watching "Sunderland til I Die" all those years ago. If I'd known it would spawn one dreadful propaganda film about football clubs and their billionaire owners after another, I never would have done it, honest.

This is not proper summer weather. I'm getting very little done outside around the house with all this rain. Even a mild drizzle isn't ideal when you want to paint things like fences and doors.

>>36556
I painted my gate weeks ago. Unfortunately, I got bits of white paint on the black hinges and latch and so on, and I couldn't be bothered to go over them with black paint. I bought some black paint, but I'm not made of motivation. I need another entire month of unbroken sunshine or I'm not going to do it.

A standard multipack bag of monster munch does not contain enough monster munch to complete a monster munch sandwich.

I'm a fat sweaty man who likes going on long walks so I recently bought myself some hankies in solid colours to pat my forehead dry.

How was I supposed to know that the 'hanky code' has made a comeback and by keeping them in my right back pocket I've been alternatively signalling that I like to be fucked in the arse, tied up and prostituted. Sometimes I'll be walking in trendy bits of London, sometimes outside schools and playgrounds.

You can't even be a Southern US gentleman involved in the criminal underworld and complaining about the oppressive heat in this country anymore. Starmer's Britain.

This looks like it should be the thumbnail for a YouTube video called "DEBATE: Tradwife vs chronic masturbator".

>>36560

I genuinely only understood about half of what your post is on about. You might be overthinking it.

Important updates you say? Security and quality you say? Then where the fuck are they?

The options are fecking pausing the updates, some scheduling bollocks and other twaddle. Where's the "Go on then, install the updates"? Serves absolutely no purpose.

The local burger place used to do ones that were a bit like McDonalds only larger and with better meat, real bacon. Greasy, cheap and hit the spot - not kebab shop burgers, better than that. They've recently tried to go further upmarket with brioche buns and cardboard boxes (instead of just that paper wrapping) and clearly a different supplier of meat. It's not just more expensive it's notably worse.

>>36570
"The old burgers were better, mate" when you next buy, even if it's the final time you go there. Check back 2 months later.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Local county courts are moving away from answering their own phonecalls and towards a national helpline, so (eventually) if you need to discuss a civil court claim, you need to contact the National Civil Contact Centre. That's except for cases brought online, where you need to contact the Civil National Business Centre, which has a different national helpline.

HMCTS also has the worst recorded messages ever. Before you get to the menu, and before it will accept any input, you get about 3-4 minutes of recorded messages, with some of the slowest and most drawn-out deliveries of website addresses that you will ever hear.

My local bank have switched their customer car park fee model. It used to be you could get in with your debit card, at an additional small fee if you weren't a customer (or by scanning your number plate if it was associated with your bank account with them), and the first half hour was free, after which you'd pay £2 for every additional half hour. Being in the middle of city centre, it was always a cheap way to park if you just wanted to pop into a shop for a bit.

So now they've switched to number plate scanning only, and one hour free parking strictly for customers/clients and visitors, and after that you're charged £40 for violating the terms.

Being bankers who are good with numbers, I've no doubt they've switched because somebody worked out that they could make much more money by charging people £40 who are either overstaying the 60 minutes or who aren't customers. There's no such thing as a free lunch, especially not at a bank. Although I'm not sure how they'll keep an eye on whether or not somebody uses the car park to come into their bank that day. They'll probably just use that if they physically observe somebody breaking that rule.

But yeah. Bastards.

>>36574
Normally with these things I might suggest "cor, free parking", because you could just not admit to driving, let them take you to court, and have them drop out when they realise that you know they haven't followed the rules about charging the registered keeper.

But this is your bank, which means that they would likely have CCTV images showing someone with your face getting in and out of the driver's side door.

>>36570
>brioche buns

I hate these bloody things. They seem to be forcing them on the market because they must keep for longer which means that sometimes they might be the only rolls in the shop. Everyone knows the best option are morning rolls.

Anyway, my guess is that they have a new owner/cook. Sometimes places will change the entire menu without the public being told, I assume because the regular customers are the biggest asset.

>>36571
I left them a 5 star review saying I preferred the older ones.

>>36576
Thing is, good brioche buns are fantastic. But the market is flooded with fucking awful ones trying to coast on their reputation. Like anything much, quality isn't tied to the categorisation.

>>36575

Yes, I saw that there's now a CCTV camera right on top of the post that houses the ANPR as you drive through. Don't know how long that's been there. In any case, they'll not only scan your number plate but they'll have a full frontal view from five feet away of who is sitting in your car and the driver seat. I have to say that makes me a bit uncomfortable.

>>36577
5 stars, mixed messaging. That's my /101/ right there.

Everything's so weird now. "Hey everyone, here's your new salesman, he'll be hawking you fast fashion and cheap booze for the next twelve months until we find another one".

I've noticed that a lot of press columnists these days are increasingly going the route of writing from a fictional character for clicks. The stories are not them and their reflections but deliberately provocative with impulsive actions to make clicks that frequently play into culture war or divisive takes. For a lot of legacy media this will obviously be midlife crisis fantasies.

This was always largely the case of course but I think today's media landscape has cut the last threads of connection to their objective reality. It was TOWIE and now it might as well (and might well be) generated content from AI characters.

>>36580
Do you reckon these viral stars have a sudden crash with reality at the end or do they get frequent reminders in daily encounters?

I can imagine our man here with a bowl-cut fooling himself about the free flight but then facing abrasive moments whenever he walks to the shops.

>>36583

All he has to do is brush his hair a different way or stick a hat on and absolutely nobody will recognise him. I think he probably could get the best of both worlds here.

Even when you're trying very hard not to be, the British state loves to remind you that you're a poor, fucked-up, loser with ideas above his station.

>>36586

Don't worry. ARE Nige will sort it for you.


I heard the first person say today that it's only four months till Christmas.

Fucking get a life.

>>36588
Fortunately having a middle-class friend and making a phone call to said state sorted it for me. Tell Jimmy he can stand down.

I think I'd reply "hm" to that and nothing else, if it was said to me. I'm sick enough of people pointing out it's hot, a mere three months into Summer. I'm not one of those "hates small talk" guys, but I have my limits.

I don't want to lose almond croissants, my tote bag, books or find myself banned from listening to the the Marías because women aren't over their exes.

>>36590
Couldn't be me, because I like Brat better than any of that other stuff.

Okay, well, when he gets here let me know and I'll have a chat with him.

>>36592
>there's simply no need

Comfort.

I bet I'd be a ponce if I were named Jim Chapman too.

>>36593
Well, that may or may not be the case. That isn't my problem, mind you. My problem is that both of the outfits pictured don't look especially good, mostly because of the kind of ugly shoes (especially the left pair), my minor antagonism towards check shirts, and how utterly bland it all is.

I don't know, I guess in a world of athleisure Jim's trying to coax men out of dressing like shite. However, I don't think he's going to pull that off with cotton trousers that wind up making you look like the most boring cunt alive, and cost £145 for the privilege.

>>36594

I mean you can't say either of the pictures look bad, but of course, I would say that because they pretty accurately capture exactly how I dress, only if you imagine more band shirts and a pair of skate shoes instead of whatever those are. Don't ruin my fleeting sense of validation that I know how to dress decently. Really though men's fashion is just inescapably dull, but by its very nature, it has to be. Men don't have the affordance to look like they've just woken up from a coma and then got dressed entirely from a charity shop that women do, so without that you have to edge towards more conservative looks.

I think really women's fashion needs to get a grip and learn these same lessons though, honestly. A lot of women go around dressed like complete bellends nowadays.

>>36595
Two things. You do know how to dress decently, and well enough to add your own personal styles to however you're dressed. Even so, you'd probably agree that's not really enough to justify having your own mensware column in a national newspaper. The other thing is I don't care about women in relation to mensware. Would you bring up hoof trimming to someone talking about their pet snake? You might, but it'd be a conversation killer.

More importantly I couldn't disagree more with your assessment of mens fashion. I think it's a symptom of the confused and unhealthy nature of modern masculinity that mensware commonly falls into one of two catagories. One catagory being a purely utilitarian second skin that's worn until annihilation, and the other being utterly pompous peacocking that exists solely to demonstrate social standing. I believe it's a rather queer contradiction of our age that everyone is supposed to be a hyper-individualist, whilst no one is supposed to rock the boat. We see this in politics most obviously, and deleteriously, but also in the arts, both high and low, and, I believe, in fashion too. I think if we examine what you mean by men being unable to "afford" to look certain ways, that would probably be it. In reality it shouldn't make the blindest bit of difference if you got to the shops in a hoodie and jeans, or dressed like Donald or Elliot over there. But I suspect a lot of men would have a reaction not dismilar to a panic attack if you told them they had to choose one of their outfits to go and buy a pack of fags.

However, there is the other kind of "affording". The reality is, the places where you can get the most affordably priced clothes are where the clothes are, frankly, utter shite. They fit weird, the materials are crap, and because the poor bastard making them is paid per item, they probably aren't made that well, despite the tremendous skill of said "poor bastard". As someone without that much money to spare, I do have to work harder than most people want to in order to track down interesting and well-made clothes. Ultimately, I do it because I find this stuff fun, and not everyone will, but I do believe that there are plenty of blokes out there who would enjoy it if one too many trips to NEXT hadn't convinced them that clothes = boredom. And if you're not as skint as I am, then you can buy interesting, quality, clothing without foraging high and low for it.

>>36594
I reckon it's for the kind of men with more money than sense who probably ARE boring fuckers who miss when their mum did their shopping. The kind of people who read a style article. I'm sure that in reality an LLM can give you better fashion advice than ol'Jimmy here.

>my minor antagonism towards check shirts

My understanding is that they've long been relegated back into the closet now along with extra skinny jeans so that's another mark against it. Maybe 2021 at a push but I definately felt very... American wearing one a last year and we're mostly keeping them in our closets now for our grandkids.

Also just imagine how that flannel will have you overheating if you're rushing around an airport - something that will happen once when your boyfriend gets held up for that metal zip on his hoody when he tries to go through the detector on 2 hours of sleep.

>>36595
My theory is that neither men nor women really know how to dress for the other's eye. Most men don't understand the simple pleasure of the right size while I think a lot of women are colourblind.

I don't get along with one of my siblings but he messaged me during the week to say that he's coming down to my city with his kids today. Fair enough, I'll come see them and it'll make our mum happy.

Now he's posting on social media from tourist traps but he's not bothered to contact me. This is after I had to mess around getting time on Sunday and telling people I know that I was seeing his kids, including my flatmate and a women I just started seeing.

It's a bit cuntish I'd say, he's done this before to my mum as well. Embarrassing for me - I guess I'll just lie to people.

There's a guy on YouTube who posts loads of really informative content, but he always sounds out of breath and it makes me feel panicky.

I'm paying £200 for grave maintenance every year for my grandparents' grave which is about 15 miles away. It's something my late mum started when she became too frail to look after it herself. But I have to say I'm getting shit value for money with that maintenance service. Yes, they cut the shrubs and flowers that grow on it, but for £200 I'd at least expect them to scrub the lichen off the headstone and other things. At least so the writing on it would remain legible. Which it isn't, currently. And then this summer when my nan's grave had sunken in a bit and I asked them to fill it up with topsoil, it was another £100. Which again begs the question what I'm paying them the £200 a year for.

As of next year I'll probably go back to doing it myself. It's really minimal work over a given year, and I've worked out that even if I go to the grave ten times a year for a round trip of 30 miles, it's still going to cost me less than 40 quid for petrol.

>>36599
>
Now he's posting on social media from tourist traps but he's not bothered to contact me.
Why not contact him, then? "Oh you're having a good time at place, why don't I come down or meet you nearby for the evening?". It doesn't sound like either of you arranged a time a place.

I just went door knocking for the Labour Party, and about two-thirds of the houses I approached had fucking Ring doorbells. I'm probably not so heavily surveiled when I go to Manchester, maybe not even London. Before the end of the decade they, or devices like them, will have facial recognition software that will dox you on sight, probably even when you're just passing by the house.

>>36603

Deliverylad here. I am eternally paranoid I'm going to get pulled into the office for muttering "come on you fucking lazy cunt, the fuck did you book a 6am delivery for if you can't get out of bed" when I'm stood in front of one. Or the language I find myself using when I am at an Asian individual's house, because they seem to treat answering the door as something you can get around to within the next hour instead of like... Fucking as soon as you hear it.

>>36604
Well, as a Labour Party member I sympathise with your working class plight, but of course I will have to internally exile you for racism. Also you're only going to clear off after five seconds anyway, deliverylad, it's not like any of you hang around for longer than that.

I should also make clear that I wasn't door knocking in Stabsby or Burglary-upon-Crime. It was a sleepy little estate on very edge of an equally sleepy town. One house even had an articulated arm for the camera, that rotated, inspected me, and confirmed for the resident that I wasn't worth getting up for. Assuming they weren't operating it from their car while traveling along an A-road, which one person who started talking to me through their Ring doorbell was.

>>36605

Labour canvasser is out of touch with the working class, shocker.

What's actually amazing about the car anecdote though is that that Ring doorbell actually worked. I would say about 90% of the time I ring it, get no answer, then they come straight away when I bang on the door the analogue way.

>>36602
It's more that something odd is going on with my brother's in-laws who don't like him being out of their sight and work him like a dog. I found out that they invited had themselves along at short notice and a similar thing happened previously with my mum - he was coming up to see her one day with the kids and they were all going to see the seaside together but then he got diverted by meeting his in-laws and kept messaging her that he was just coming over as soon as he could get away, so she was dressed up and waiting around to see her grandkids all day but he never showed.

Be careful who you marry, lads.

>>36603
So they were all solid supporters of the Labour Party already?

It must feel absolutely incredible writing those pieces about Noel Clarke in The Guardian today. I'd be punching up articles called things lik e "BREAKING: gropy prick takes shit with trousers on", "Top Ten Ways Noel Clarke Ruined Own Life", etc., just for the fun of it. I'm not a bad winner in general, but I would be if a judge handed me the legal equivalent of a giant novelty cheque, and the other bloke got a dunce cap.

>>36608
Why is this in /101/?

>>36609
I believe this qualifies as a "minor rant", doesn't it?