FUCK!

>>33825
Do they sell fish to eat, or fish to keep as pets?

>>33826

The fish is very much dead, but I suppose you can keep a salmon fillet as a pet if you don't mind the smell.

>>33827
If the fish is dead, then clearly the Fish Society didn't do a particularly good job of protecting it.

>>33828
It can be cured.

Wolfs.

>>33830
Sossijes.

>>33829
I just want to acknowledge the quality here.

I very much approve of the new OP image.

>>33824

They sound that way because most dogs are small. Kids are small. Small vocal chords, innit.

Big dogs don't sound like that, because they're big.

>>33833
>the new OP image
What's up with the X? It looks distorted somehow.

>>33834
It's the legs of the K mirrored and scaled up slightly because I couldn't be bothered to match the font.

>>33835
It's Transport.

t. Maker of last thread.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-south-yorkshire-60902318
The Full Monty to return as eight-part Disney+ TV series
The series features the original cast as well as new characters, namely their children and grandchildren

It's fucking installed Edge by itself again.

>>33838

https://www.techradar.com/how-to/how-to-remove-microsoft-edge-from-windows-10


Bit of a fiddle depending on your knowledge of Windows, but I did it a few months ago and it appears to be permanent. Works the same way under Windows 11.

>>33838
Edge just popped up on my win7 box. Fuck's sake. It now opens instead of IE, pats itself on the back because 'this website works better in edge' - it doesn't, 'cos activeX, which s the reason I'm using fucking IE, and whines that edge isn't supported on win7. Is this carefully calculated to enrage me?
I only need the activeX widget to configure an annoying IP camera, so here's my /101/ - fucking longtail won't get in the trap.

>>33840

I'm rooting for him, personally. I hope he outsmarts you and your stubborn determination to kill him results in a series of violent but humorous slapstick accidents that ultimately culminate in the destruction of your house.

>>33841
I don't want him dead! He's an outdoors pet, though.
If I was prepared to poison him, he'd be long gone. All this pissing about with thermal cameras is to get the trap into a good position, and see if we can corral him in the bathroom, as his recent adventure out into the conservatory has been bad news and raised the stakes somewhat.

I don't like the new wikipedia layout template.

>>33843
It looks like I keep being redirected to the phone version of each page. But if you look at their explainer page for why they've done this, it has a lot of good points, so I suspect I will get used to it eventually and one day I will forgive them.

https://wikimediafoundation.org/wikipedia-desktop/

>>33843
I think I prefer it actually.

In an era of ubiquitous online shopping the suffering of just trying to buy a single Death Master Snikch mini from the godawful Games Workshop website is more profound than ever.

>>33846

That's probably because they don't do him anymore.

All the old characters got retcon'd, so there's a new generic "Deathmaster" model, they made Ikit Klaw into a generic "Arch Warlock" and Queek Headtaker into a generic "Clawlord", but the one you're probably thinking of is from several versions ago now.

You're better off shopping for minis on eBay anyway m8.

>>33847
The UI being awful is separate from the model I wanted being discontinued.

That sounded really cunty, I just mean I get that I should have bought the decade-plus old model a year ago (my fault), but the fact the website is just as shit as it was as when Mr Snikch first got his new groove is unforgivable (their fault).

Zoomers are absurd prudes. I feel bad for genuine asexuals having their sexuality co-opted by a bunch of socially-anxious morons who mistake neuroses for being progressive.

>>33850
I thought being sex-positive was supposed to be all the rage.

>>33851

There are a staggering number of people who are so afraid of sex that they can only face it in fiction, actively seeking out and creating erotic fiction and art because that's what turns them on. But it's a lot easier to brand themselves 'asexual' rather than admit that.

>>33851

It's socially unacceptable to be a prude, but young people have been raised in a #metoo environment where sex is fraught with peril. They're enthusiastic cheerleaders for sexuality in the abstract, but they're terrified of the practical act of bumping uglies. The kind of clumsy and drunken mis-steps that my generation made at their age are now regarded by many as unconscionable crimes. "Sex positivity" isn't really about sex, it's about the theory of sex.

The rise of kink fits in with this - ostensibly it's subversive, but in practice it adds a layer of admin to an act that is normally impulsive and intuitive. It turns sex into a live-action roleplaying game with pre-negotiated rules. It's an understandable response to a culture in which everyone is supposed to be shagging with merry abandon, but where nobody is allowed to get it wrong.

>>33853

We live in an age where any kind of nudity in the media is automatically for some reason sexist and will trigger an angry social media mob where accusations and the mention of #metoo begin to fly. That isn't to say that in the old days there was no outrage when supermodels posed for lingerie on life-sized bus stop adverts or when the Sun had its Page 3 models. But it was just a faint background noise next to an approving majority. I guess people taking offence today just have a far bigger reach and can kick up a twitter shitstorm in no time at all that will seem far bigger than the handful of people who are actually pursuing it in earnest.

And you can be any of the 10²³ genders today that some believe exist, even all at once if that's your thing, and express your gender identity that way. But heaven forbid it gets a bit more hands-on where people are actually having sex or where even the notion of sex and nudity is used and played with in the media and advertising.

I was a younglad in the 90s and did a few things I was never really proud of looking back. Attempting to get a lass drunk to get a leg over was considered a dodgy but still legitimate means. But all things considered, being a teenlad in the 90s meant that you were a lot more free to explore your actual active sexuality, and where not every questionable thing you did was considered a sex crime, neither legally nor by other people. Or most importantly, by the person you were having sex with.

I posit that in some ways, everything really was better in them old days, not least because all the younguns wo are nowadays complaining about this, that, and the other simply weren't born yet thirty years ago.

>>33854

>We live in an age where any kind of nudity in the media is automatically for some reason sexist and will trigger an angry social media mob where accusations and the mention of #metoo begin to fly.

I know people on the policy team at Meta (Facebook and Instagram). They're dealing with the weird double standard where if they allow porn on the platform they get complaints that they're perpetuating sexism, but if they block all tits they get complaints from the same people who say that censoring the female body is sexist.

Somehow they're expected to write a rulebook (and by extension a set of algorithms) that can distinguish between sexist tits and empowering tits. I can only assume that people are expecting a multinational social media company to resolve their own neuroses.

>>33853

Precisely this. You're spot on about the kink too, it's as much about creating an autism-freindly set of predictable and familiar steps to the process, as it is about indulging in any depravity. At the end of the day though we have always had mating rituals, unwritten rules of courtship you're each supposed to follow. This is just an evolution of those rituals to adapt to the times.

I think there's always going to be a pendulum swing in social attitudes, and my generation is simply lucky to be one of the ones who grew up in a period of highly permissive attitudes, and free of any real reasons to worry about it. The generation that comes after Gen Z will likely swing it back the other way, rejecting this self-contradictory progressive prudishness, and finding a way to deal with the social media panopticon that so strongly influences Gen Z's behaviour. Or so one can hope, at least. Because if not, we're all fucked.

Gen Z are quite uniquely messed up, in my opinion, because they're the first generation to grow up with the Internet and social media being such an integral part of daily life, right from their childhood, but having nobody to really guide them on it. Their parents might be tech savvy, more so than mine ever were, but they're still stumbling blind into the dark in many ways. The generations of the future who grow up in a society which has figured itself out a bit more will likely come out less neurotic.

>>33856
>Their parents might be tech savvy, more so than mine ever were, but they're still stumbling blind into the dark in many ways. The generations of the future who grow up in a society which has figured itself out a bit more will likely come out less neurotic.
Isn't this assuming that the internet and social media will stop evolving and finding new ways to fuck people up?

>>33855

>distinguish between sexist tits and empowering tits


If you weigh 15 stone with the face of a munter, it's empowerment to whip your baps out. Regardless of how few people want to see them. If a tight sporty slim lass reveals her perky breasts, it's sexist.

No matter how much you deny it, objective physical attractiveness still plays a big part.

>>33856

> Their parents might be tech savvy, more so than mine ever were, but they're still stumbling blind into the dark in many ways. The generations of the future who grow up in a society which has figured itself out a bit more will likely come out less neurotic.

There's still a divide between the digital adopters who were socialised into the emerging Internet in the late 90s and the early 2000s, and those who were born after facebook was even formally started. The anecdote goes that today's teens think that facebook is to be avoided because there's only mums and paedos on in.

To put it another way, being on the Internet and socialising with other users was an entirely different ballgame twenty years ago, where social media wasn't surrounding you 24/7 whether you wanted it or not and where it didn't dictate your social life. It followed entirely different rules, and it was far less dynamic and less of a minefield. Nobody fucking cared if you posted pictures of yourself drunk grabbing a lass's tits on Myspace. It was bad decision making, but still, nobody cared. Nowadays, if you're really unlucky, it can cost you your job, or your invitation to a job interview. And you could be ostracised by everybody you know.

>>33857

Sure, but I'm not a luddite. Even though technology often comes with perils, I think it's largely just a matter of adapting to it.

After all, if you zoom out in history you'll realise the Quakers and Mormons and whoever else got their starts on the same basis, really. They were the all-night nofap movement of their day. None of this is new, it's just another cycle, another swing of the pendulum. I bet when Ugg first invented the wheel, Grugg kept the whole village up at night going on about how it would bring about the downfall of society, and how his son Uglugg was more interested in staying in the cave painting finger-antelopes than going out to hunt them like real cavemen.

That's not to say everything's fine and we shouldn't be concerned about the youth of today, because I do think they are incredibly neurotic and I think it's probably been me banging on about it that has brought many of you around to your present views. But I believe there's a solution to it that enables us to still have the nice things of the Internet and all that.

>>33860
>I think it's probably been me banging on about it that has brought many of you around to your present views.


Are you the same lad who also convinced all of us to become class conscious? You must be well clever.

Sage for being a snarky cunt.

>>33861

Naturally. I'm not the one responsible for turning you all into chubby chasers, though.

>>33862

Sorry about that. I didn't think it'd actually work, I just found it funny to goad people who went "uurgh, a fattie" when I posted a photo of even a mildly chubby woman in /x/.

I like pineapple, so it follows that I like pineapple juice. However, when I open a bottle of the stuff I can't help but feel the smell, if only for an instant, reminds me of an incredibly acrid piss smell. Maybe everyone thinks this, maybe I'm a nasal freak.

Got a watermelon and strawberry flavour CBD vape. Tastes like shit, has no soothing effects, overall a waste of £10.

>>33869
I'm very sceptical about CBD vapes. Never had a "good" one.

>>33871
In the shop I overheard the shopkeeper talking to some women, saying it's best to not smoke weed for a week before using a CBD vape otherwise it's pointless. So with this knowledge, I assumed CBD would have a big effect. How wrong I was.

>>33869
CBD proucts are mostly snake oil. Therapeutic amounts are usually in the hundreds of mg, the commonly available products are in the 10-20mg amounts. If it works for you, great, but don't expect any great effect from vapes that mostly sell on the "cannabis adjacent" market.

So the ongoing saga of buying my house carries on. The seller's solicitors fucked around for so long I had to get a new mortgage offer, even after a months extension. After doing everything within my power to get the new offer through as soon as possible, and then letting them know when I received the confirmation, the fucking cunt has turned around and said they're going to put the place back up for sale first thing in the morning if it's not all finished by the end of the day. Today. Mental. Absolutely mind boggling. Absolutely no fucking words.

I'm pretty sure they're just under the mistaken impression I'm taking them for a ride, and trying to play hardball. Either that or they've been deliberately trying to throw the sale the whole time, and finally accepted that I'm not going to back out. Fuck knows. Either way they're a fucking moron. They're only going to have the same issues with whatever poor fucked tries next.

I've half a mind to tell them to just go and fuck themselves for that. I don't fancy the prospect of living with my parents for yet another year before I find somewhere else, but fuck me. My blood is absolutely boiling.

You have to be careful, living in the UK, that you don't begin substituting words like "dodgy" for words like "malfunctioning". Very careful indeed...

Every fucking scrollwheel of every mouse I've ever owned jumps the wrong direction when I try to scroll down. None of the 'fixes' work.

>>33876
Mine recently started doing that, but I've been using it for 4.5 years so maybe it's just knackered.

>>33876

Assuming it's not a recent purchase, it might be worth taking it to bits and seeing if anything's tangled up in the spindle for the wheel. I dunno if these things still use an optical method of determining direction, but a little bit of fluff on the wheel or between the optical sensors is enough to confuse them.

Who remembers mouse balls, eh?! Dippin' 'em in isoproohhpyl alcohol nicked from yer gangan's shed, scrapin' the gunk off the rollers wiv yer nails,lobbin' the baall at yer lirrul bruvver! Nowadays yeh gotto put fishin' weights in thuurr ta get the feel right.

>>33876
I use to have a really nice Logitech mouse with a dual action wheel. The wheel would act as normal with slight resistance 'clicks' as you scrolled, but when you pusshed it down it'd click into a secondary mode where it'd just run freely and very fast. Was super useful for scrolling large documents, zooming out of images, etc.

>>33879

I've had several of those and the ratchet thing that holds it in place always eventually breaks, leaving you with free spinning only.

I've lamented it before but it's fucking annoying how Logitech legitimately make the best stuff, functionally, but their durability is complete shit. Right now I'm dealing with this fancy schmancy mechanical keyboard that I really like typing on, except it randomly gives me double keystrokes, and the blue part of the RGB LED died in one (and only one) key, which eternally and relentlessly gnaws at my inner autist.

>>33880
It's always been a a little bit hit or miss, but when they hit (and then don't stop making the hit) it's amazing. I still use a K510 keyboard (and have a few spare) that's just a rubber dome thing, but if it ges manky I just stick it under the shower and it's good as new. I've dropped a Das and a Majestouch2 for this thing, unless I was in hardcore typing mode its Fine™ and, wobbly keys and all, good enough.

What killed my MX518 was not mechanical failure but the rubber parts becoming icky sticky bollocks. The G400 was not a replacement, it was a downgrade, and I've been sort of lost since ( I currently use an MM711 which performs well, but is darn uncomfortable for my claw grip).

>>33881

My current mouse is a G402, I got it because it was down to £20 on Amazon, and I'm not the type to replace something that's perfectly serviceable so I'm just going to put up with it, but the shape and position of the buttons is awful.

My favourite one remains the G300s but I gave up on them because I went through about four, and they all develop the double click issue within 12-18 months.

Has anyone made a phone case that looks like a slice of pizza? Because that's what it looks like when you walk around blasting your whole conversation to everybody via speakerphone. Just fucking eat it.

>>33883
When have you ever seen someone walking around holding a single slice of pizza and talking into it?

>>33884

>>33884
No, he's right, it looks like they're moving a big slice of pizza into their gobs.

>>33886

OM NOM NOM

>>33883

This is a weird one, because where the fuck did it actually come from? What possible benefit does it have over just talking on the phone properly? Is it literally just a fashionable trend people do because they think they look cool?

>>33888

Modern phones are sufficiently large and slippery that some people (particularly women) find it awkward and uncomfortable to actually use one like a phone.

>>33889

Then they should buy a phone that suits them, or does that make far too much sense? I think it's just dopey people who demonstrate this phenomenon. I imagine there's a large overlap with the sort of person who stands gormlessly in busy doorways and appears annoyed when you ask to get past them.

>>33890

They literally don't make them like that any more, or at least, the "real" phone companies don't. Go to Carphone Warheouse or wherever it is and just see if you can find a phone by a mainstream brand that's significantly under 6" tall and 3" wide.

You might get a cheap Chink one that fits small hands, but what normie wants one of those.

>>33891

So it really boils down to "want latest fing, can't be bovvered if it's too big, want latest fing anyway"

I use mine handsfree at home a lot. It's not as though they had to add special hardware for it, it's always on speaker when you're using it for a video link.

>>33892
To what extent do you use a phone as a phone? For many people, a phone is really a laptop. Why would you deliberately buy a tiny unusable laptop just so you don't look silly when you need to phone someone on it?

>>33892

You can't blame the consumer for a market that lacks credible alternatives, of a product that they essentially need to fit into modern society.

You might still be happy with your Motorola G from 10 years ago that doesn't run any present day apps, but that's cause you're a saddo shed goblin billy no mates with nobody to communicate with anyway.

>>33894

Precisely. About ten years ago, we used the term "phablet" to describe extra-large phones; we were still in the transitionary period of realising that the only meaningful difference between a phone and a tablet is whether it fits in your pocket. The young folk consider phone calls to be quite rude and I don't particularly blame them. Even for us codgers, the "phone" part of a phone is increasingly irrelevant.

Apple were the last hold-out in continuing to offer small phones, but they gave up due to poor sales. The number of people who say they want a small phone is far greater than the number of people who actually bought one when given the choice.

>>33896

I think that's a bit unfair, because I noticed most manufacturers adopted a trend where their "slim" or "compact" or whatever model was hobbled in terms of features and performance.

I doggedly kept buying the Xperia Compact models as long as they existed, because they were the only ones who didn't do that; until they eventually did it too, and the last one I had genuinely felt like a downgrade from the phone I had before. Now they don't even do it at all, so I'm stuck with a phone the size of a... Well, the size of a modern phone. To awkwardly big to use in one hand, but still too small to comfortably type on. Worst of both worlds.

Fucking hate it honestly.

>>33897

>I noticed most manufacturers adopted a trend where their "slim" or "compact" or whatever model was hobbled in terms of features and performance.

That's mostly an inevitable fact of making a small phone. Camera modules, headphone jacks and fingerprint sensors have a fixed size. Smaller phones necessarily have smaller batteries and less cooling capacity; going thicker only gains you a bit of extra battery capacity and might do nothing for cooling. Modern phones are absolutely rammed with stuff and if you make them smaller, something has to go.

The other factor is economies of scale - the cost of design and development is higher on a per-handset basis if you aren't selling a lot of a particular model. Apple could make it work for a bit, because they have a very limited range of options and sell squillions of phones. Android manufacturers have far tighter margins and far more competitive pressure.

>>33896
>Apple were the last hold-out in continuing to offer small phones, but they gave up due to poor sales.

I'm treasuring my iPhone 13 mini - gonna keep it until they launch another small one. I got my wife the Pro Max (because she has poor eyes and prefers the screen) but it's an absolutely monster.

>>33898

Not really. When you look at the motherboards on these devices they're tiny, you can easily make a handset with an overall smaller footprint. Like I said, that's exactly what they were doing on the Xperia up until about 2018-ish. What's gone up in size is the screen real estate people want, which in turn means you need a bigger battery to drive it for the same amount of time (and most still barely manage a day on a full charge) and the daft arrays of cameras. Honestly, I don't need five bastard cameras, one was just fine.

It's entirely a design issue, because the market is stuck in the current paradigm, it's run out of space to "perfect" existing designs, which are all functionally about as good as the concept of a touchscreen smartphone is going to get. Nobody has come up with a genuine innovation in the last decade, and this is what it's going to look like for the next ten if nobody does.

>>33895

Shut up and get that phone eaten, or you're not getting any dessert.

Spent four hours helping my dad (by which I mean, basically doing it myself) build a new telly stand thing. After it was all done and I got their ludicrously massive 70-odd inch telly on it, I was thanked with nothing but complaints because the thing at the bottom when you change from normal telly to the BT box didn't say the same thing it said before. Still worked fine, did the same thing as before, just for some reason didn't say Sky any more (which was wrong in the first place).

My parents are just relentlessly negative people and I sometimes want nothing to do with them, and it annoys me that I can't even complain about it because whenever I do people always either try and one-up me about how their parents beat them senseless, or give me that whole "Oh but they're your paaaareeents they gave everything to raise you! You can't be nasty about them!" kind of shit.

"Declaring my pronouns". I don't care in places where it's optional, let people be themselves and it makes no difference to me. But if it's a required field on a form, that's taking it a bit far. Why do you want to know about my genital situation and my preference about it? That is just weird.

>>33903

You don't even get the good old fashioned "prefer not to say" or even just "other"?

Is this some sort of elaborate joke or are you lot being serious when you keep banging on about pronouns, wokeness and shit like that? What you keep talking about on a regular basis does not reflect my daily life at all, so I feel alien to it.

It's either those topics or that lad who I think has recently come from Reddit and will pipe up once every week with "is life in this country going to keep getting shitter?" or something else glum.

>>33903

They actually only want to know your preference about it, which seems reasonable to me, woman.

>>33905

I think it might be that Aussie lad from a bit ago, snuck back in through the back door wearing the internet equivalent of Groucho Marx glasses and hopes we won't notice.

>>33903
Forms have had a Mr, Mrs, etc field since time immemorial; this is barely different. Fuck off back to Reddit/The Other Place/Twatter.

>>33908

It's weird that most forms still have a box that basically asks "are you a married woman, a barren old spinster hag, or some sort of dyke fisherperson?".

Not being funny but what's the deal with supermarkets being packed on a weekday lunchtime.

Sometimes I'm working from home and need to pick up an essential like milk or I just feel like a bit of a walk at lunch but when I get there it's absolutely packed with OAPs, parents with young children and people who only use the cash checkouts. Is there perhaps some logic I'm missing with this because surely it would be a lot simpler for everyone to go around 10-11 or 2-3 if you're not at work? Why wouldn't you avoid it on the lunch hour as a courtesy for people who only have so long on their lunch break?

>>33910
You're right. You're not being funny.

>>33910
I'm not a huige fan but Windows has been, you know, Windows. I was a little perturbed when Win10 cheerefully announced that it could generate an advertiser ID so I could joyfully be marketed to better just like I can on a mobile device. But now they've made it clear they don't give a flying fuck about agency. I'm going back to OpenBSD, lack of features be damned, if I cannot fucking trust my OS vendor which I god damn fucking paid for then full on tech hippy time it is.

This message is brought to you by some piece of shit decision to add a weather forecast thing to my pristine taskbar.

>>33910
If you're "working" from home, just go whenever you feel like it, same as all the other layabouts.

>>33913
People like you don't understand the emotional labour of helping (over Google Meets) a person in their twenties set a default browser and being amazed that Microsoft uses the same password for multiple Microsoft websites.

>>33910

For about 20 years, my grandparents would go out every Saturday and then spend most of Sunday complaining about how busy everything is. I dunno whether they were so set in their ways that they couldn't imagine going for a day out on Tuesday, or if they just liked complaining.

>>33910

Everywhere is busy all the time these days, ladm8.

Morning rush hour in my city starts about 6 and ends about 11, afternoon rush hour starts about 2 and ends about 7. Supermarkets are rammed on Fridays and Saturdays, because that's when regular 9-5 workers shop, but they're also rammed at lunchtime on Monday because that's when work from home layabouts go and half 5 in the morning on Wednesday because that's when night shift workers go. Phoned my GP for an appointment and they told me they might be able to get me in by the next passing of Halley's Comet.

It's as though the population of the country has increased by about 10 million over the last couple of decades, with almost zero expansion of infrastructure to accommodate it.

My crappy work laptop has two fan modes; silent and taxiing for take-off.

Dogshit. The route from my house to the nearest Londis/town is marred by dozens of dogshits. I went to Londis today and someone had left a massive orange dogshit right outside the door, the man who worked in the shop spent 10 minutes trying to get rid of/cover up said dogshit before serving me. When I walked my parents' dogs growing up, I always picked up shit. People who leave dogshit lying about are subhuman scum.

>>33918
You sure it's not fox poo?

>>33919
Yeah it's not as bitter.

>>33919
It's all localised on the pavement and I see tons of people round here with big bully dogs that would do the big shits I see.

>>33917

Would taxiing to stand be louder or quieter?

>>33922
Yes.

>John Cleese is set to reboot his much-loved comedy series Fawlty Towers.

>The actor and writer will team up with daughter Camilla Cleese, with the pair both set to write and star. The new series will “explore how Cleese’s over-the-top, cynical and misanthropic Basil Fawlty navigates the modern world”, according to early information, with the plot focusing on his relationship with his daughter as they manage a boutique hotel together.

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2023/feb/07/fawlty-towers-john-cleese-reboot

>>33924

Why do I get the awful feeling there'll be an episode about pronouns.

>>33925

He'll spend the whole episode in drag as some sort of elaborate ruse to win a spot in a magazine as the best female hosted hotel or something like that. It will have the potential to be quite clever as a reflection of how such a plot line would have been seen as purely light-hearted in the 70s but now assumes a lot of socio-political baggage; but instead he'll just screech at people for not calling him she-they.

>>33924
Whenever I watch Fawlty Towers I can't help but think about how, sure, it's funny, but wouldn't it be funnier if Basil was 83 and everyone else was a skeleton? I'm glad Cleese has, at last, wised up to this incontrovertible fact and isn't wasting any more time on projects that lazily and cheaply exploit his once colossal comedic reputation.

>>33925
>John Cleese snubs BBC over Fawlty Towers remake because the corporation is too 'woke' to handle the sitcom's near-the-knuckle gags

https://www.thedailyfuckingmail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-11734211/John-Cleese-snubs-BBC-Fawlty-Towers-remake-woke-handle-gags.html

>>33928
I can't see this turning into anything other than a big steaming pile of shite.

>>33929
If you don't like it, it'll be because you're a pronouns.

It might not be shit. Victor Meldrew was proof that the concept of "old man is out of step with modern life" can be funny and well written. There's nothing to say that John Cleese can't do this with Basil Fawlty for the 2020s.

Who am I kidding? It'll be dreadful.

>>33931
I don't think Victor Meldrew wrote One Foot in the Grave, however. The new Fawlty Towers could be fine if it wasn't being written by someone who seems to prioritise pwning the libs over actually being funny. A funny series where you get to use the words "policeman" and "fireman" again would be fantastic. But everyone expects any treatment of tiresome gender-neutral terminology to be hopelessly unfunny, especially when it comes from someone who seems to have picked it as his personal hill to die on.

Right-wingers really want people to be upset about Sam Smith wearing a corset. I think the correct resolution to this is killing all of the right-wingers with blow darts.

>>33933
Do you remember the time that corporation made up an entire backlash to sell their product (and cover up a workplace scandal)? Does anyone remember when they got all those black men in ladies underwear for that rap music video? It's not real. Nobody listens to Sam Smith.

>>33934
Yeah, you're right. Nothing I've seen happening has actually happened, thanks, mate. By the way I don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about because you're speaking about these events in the vaguest possible terms.

>22:21 Guys
>22:21 I think I'm boring

>02:28 [Complaining about not having had sex in almost a decade]

>13:47 [Extended, blow-by-blow account of dream had last night set entirely in World of Warcraft]
m8.

>>33936
Is that you doing an impression of us? That's not very nice. We also have strong opinions on the Conservative Party and class reductionism.

>>33937
No, for the most part you're better than that.

I've only had my phone about six months and the fingerprint scanner has already stopped working. Knew I shouldn't have gone for a Samsung.

They should tiny books like they did for GIs in the Second World War, but for me so I can fit them in my coat pocket.

>>33940

The newest model of the Amazon Kindle is barely bigger than most phones.

>>33939
I've got a Motorola and mine was always wonky. I think fingerprint scanners might just be rubbish. I stopped trying with mine a couple of years ago, and it's harder to open my phone but it's much less infuriating when it doesn't work.

>>33941
Right, but I was talking about books.

>>33943

If you prefer to read your books in an obsolete format, that's your prerogative.

>>33942
My phone before this was a Huawei and even though it's cracked and has an extremely shitty battery life the fingerprint scanner still works fine on it. I don't know if that's because the scanner on the Huawei is a circle on the back whereas on the Samsung it's a button on the side.

Security tags seem to have gone down the drain. Buy something in shop A but now shop B beeps an the whole house of cards comes crashing down: they don't use UUIDs. Bought a DVD with a tag in the spine (my bad, should have removed it I guess?), got it beeped in another shop

Do the gates after the self-checkout in Aldi even do anything? Staff happily carry stuff through them to remove constriction tags, and the exit gates beep for every NFC tag they see (tried it with a dummy one). What's the point?

>>33946
These aren't thoughts human beings have.

>>33946
I can tell you from when I've shoplifted in Lidl that their gates didn't use to do anything.

Sick of hearing about Nicola fucking Bulley.

Looking at American salaries, enviously.

>>33949
She was clearly abducted by one of those alien spy balloons we keep seeing now. When will people realise the truth?

>>33949
Fucks me off that the edgelords are trotting out "missing white woman syndrome" without acknowledging that the phenomenon is firmly based in class and not race. Nobody in the media's giving half a fuck about Theresa the toilet cleaner not showing up for work a few days on the trot.

>>33949
My girlfriend has speculated about it to me on a few occasions.

Why was the phone on the bench?
If she fell in the river why didn't the dog bark or try to save her?

Questions like that. I can't remember the rest because I've switched off. The biggest mystery since Jo Yeates' missing pizza. The police have had to release that she was an alchy because of all these bored women who've turned into armchair detectives and started hindering the operation, which has pissed those bored women off even more because it's akin to shut shaming. Or something.

>>33953
There are lots of bored men with hero complexes too, in fairness. That baldy diver's something else too. He's behaving as if his only life skill isn't being underwater, which is impressive, but qualifies you for little else.

>>33952

It's not based in race but it is based on gender. When's the last time you remember news coverage like this about a missing bloke, of any demographic?

>>33955

Who hasn't heard of D.B. Cooper?

I've gone ahead with a phone update I've been putting off for ages and it's installed something called AppCloud, which keeps trying to automatically install shit apps like Candy Crush. I've disabled it for the time being but it's one of those apps you can't easily uninstall. Fucking Samsung. Never again.

Wasted my lunchtime break arguing about Ukraine with one of you pair. Feel like a complete dick.

Some genius thinks yelling "shut ya fuckin dogs up" from one end of the estate to the other is going to actually shut said dogs up, and not just encourage them to bark more in response to the maniac several streets over yelling at the top of his voice.

What is wrong with some people.

I've just been woken up by my daughter climbing into bed with us, so now I'm wide awake and can't get back to sleep. So I've taken myself down to the office and I expect that I will get a couple of hours kip on the sofa in an hour so.

No, I do not think that I will.

>>33969
Well it's not actually directed at the dogs, is it?

>>33971
I find internet search engines are so overwhelmed these days that I do have to put reddit in just to get the right answer. It's not my first instinct but increasingly it's like you need some sort of community filter just to deal with the nonsense because using more advanced search tricks isn't enough anymore. And don't even get me started on trying to find the right video on youtube's search. Or idiots on Quora. Utter bollocks.

It's especially annoying when there's a news story trending in a related topic. Back when Balloongate was in the news it reminded me of all those stories of people getting balloons turns up from across the planet but you couldn't get those stories anymore without getting into dates because of all the "news" sites competing for clicks.

I understand if someone you meet in a bar claims they're not afraid of anything then it's justified to make fun of them with your mates. But if the conversation wasn't about fear in general, if the word you kept using was phobia, if near the start of the conversation the person you're making fun of for claiming to be fearless said hold on, you understand that phobias aren't fears, right? You know phobias are an abnormal fear response with a really specific set of symptoms? That it's normal to not have any phobias and that's not the same thing as not having fear? Then you continue to make fun of them, not for being a nerd but because you think they're claiming to not be afraid of anything, have you considered that you and your friend might be stupid?

>>33975

Maybe fear and phobia are a continuum. You can have a passing fear that a lass will turn you down once you've finally worked up the courage to go talk to her. And then maybe at the other end of that, you can develop a deep seated fear of women, to the point that you'll display selective mutism towards them like Raj in the first few series of The Big Bang Theory.

I think I'd go with that. Fears are probably more situative and superficial, and phobias can come from a similar place but run much deeper.

I've been stuck with using my phone as a hotspot for my only source of internet for the last fortnight, and it's really starting to piss me off. Why can't BT just activate me already, all they have to do is flick a switch surely.

>>33977
Ring them. I switched from BT to Plusnet and they claimed that they didn't switch my service on because BT never told them they'd switched theirs off. Probably bollocks but remind them when the switchover day and it'll be working in no time.

>>33978

Doesn't BT own plusnet? Outstanding.

>>33978

The thought had crossed my mind, but I'm sure they get a shitload of people ringing up going "can you turn my broadband on faster", and I assumed there must be some kind of reason they don't just activate it faster in the first place if it's possible to do so. Their website said tomorrow is the earliest I'll get.

Where's our local networking boffin to tell me what exactly they're doing on their end? Is there some complex procedure that makes sure the right internet goes down the right tube to make it to my house?

>>33980
Basically they have to send a guy out to complete the pipes minigame at your local street box to activate the connection.

>>33981

Can you go and do it yourself to steal internet like pikeys steal leccy?

What moron came up with such a stupid bloody word?

>>33981

This. People tend to forget that the internet relies on physical infrastructure and is held together with millions of miles of wires and optical fibres. If you switch providers or upgrade to a faster service, it's likely that someone has to go and physically hook something up at one or more points between your front door and the local telephone exchange. It's outrageously complicated and it's borderline miraculous that you can access that level of infrastructure for £20 a month.

My flat fucking stinks. The first time I used it with my washing I thought I'd left it in for too long so today was my attempt to get the stench out but now with a fresh batch hanging up I can honestly say it's aggressively smelly.

If I hung this out in a garden you'd soon know about it. I'm a bit worried about using the bedding now if I'm going to wake up with chemical burns.

Well, my internet was supposed to be activated by midnight and it hasn't been. Haven't had a text or e-mail or anything, but the page where you track your order says it's been connected (lol).

Out of ten, how much of a ballache do you reckon I'm going to be in for when I have to ring up and whinge about it? And on a timescale between "tomorrow" and "never", do you reckon I'm actually going to get internet out of them?

Because with all the hassle I've had over the last several months, I have pretty much zero tolerance for fuckwit companies fucking me about with fuckwit call centre cunts and fuckwit bollocks cunt shite. Know what I mean. If they can't sort it pretty much immediately I reckon I'll be fucking them off and getting a cable line put in instead.

>>33986
If you want to get a line-in you'll have to get a BT engineer over and you'd better hope he has a spot in 2-weeks at the start of your work day. I've been in your position before. It's BT, they're utter cunts and they have no incentive to change.

>>33987

If I do go that route, who gives a fuck about BT. I've had it done with Virgin before and they're all over it because they actually want money. Not that I'll be giving them much, I'd switch providers as soon as the first year ends, but still.

I'm so pissed off though. I have next week off and I wanted to spend it fucking sat in my pants playing videogames. Now I'll just be tossing off to low bitrate porn on my phone again for another fortnight. Why does nothing ever just work in this fucking waste of space dysfunctional shithole of a country.

>>33988 Fuck BT and fuck definitely-not-BT-Openreach into a deep hole,with their superfast fibre broadband. Elon may be a cunt sometimes, but I do like my Starlink.

My internet is meant to switch over to Virgin tomorrow. They've since emailed to say they can't deliver the router until Wednesday so I don't get what the fuck they want me to so until then, especially working from home. I'm gonna have to call them. It also took almost two hours to register for my online account as the verification links they'd email across would have expired by the time I received them. Not a great first impression.

Well they ended up activating me in the end, after I phoned up about it, but the speeds are utter dogshit. They say it's never up to full speed in the first ten days but I don't anticipate it getting drastically faster if a steam download is presently chugging along at a cool 1mb/s, so you know. That's a good, what, 30 times slower than advertised? How do they get away with such bollocks honestly.

>>33993

Your provider should have given you a guaranteed minimum speed when you signed up. If the actual speed doesn't match that and they can't improve the connection, you have a right to cancel without penalties.

If you can't get a speed of at least 10Mbits/s, then in most circumstances you have the statutory right to have your line upgraded at no cost to you.

https://www.ofcom.org.uk/phones-telecoms-and-internet/advice-for-consumers/advice/broadband-speeds-code-practice

https://www.ofcom.org.uk/phones-telecoms-and-internet/advice-for-consumers/broadband-uso-need-to-know

Had to get a new Wikipedia dark mode add-on after finding out the only other add-on for Firefox the creator had made was called "Communist Loli".

>>33994

Is there any way to slow my connection down meaningfully and consistently without being detected by the (hopefully unmotivated) engineer that will eventually come out to look at it? Assume I am willing to spend more time and money than is reasonable.

>>33974
I thought I was being a bit schizo with this but I'm absolutely right.

Otherlad complaining about a reddit search domain is wrong - it's the mark of a fundamental change in something we weren't fully aware of. Aside from Reddit the internet has been engaged in a long-process of universe consolidation where different brands like twitter takeover parts of the internet, bind users to the brand and make information inaccessible without you joining the service. The Chinese internet is the perfect example of where this leads where the internet as we know it will no longer exist - it's all apps that provide every service you need with none of the privacy, where obscure forums for arse-pissing don't exist because the way people interact with information doesn't allow for it. This Chinese model (walls) conforms with how younger generations in the West seem to engage with the internet through platforms like TikTok and Instagram - you can literally use these services as a search engine and they'll give you it in video content which is what the kids want, with TikTok in particular having a terrifying level of accuracy in its suggestions to keep you on the platform (which Vine was lacking to make their service work).

The difference with the walls model is that we have Reddit which is (largely) open, allows google search crawlers to access and has yet to be taken over by search engine optimisation services. Hence why Google is suggesting that these days you just use Reddit because you're much more likely to actually find what you're looking for rather than relying on a system designed for the 00s internet. I'm an old man, the problem has been screaming at me for years while trying to find stuff going on in London using google.

We're doomed, the internet is changing from a system of text scrolling to multimedia interaction with Reddit being the absolutely rubbish part of the internet that holds out. Where even google is developing a new form of multimedia search engine. It's going to change entirely how we interact with information and my comfortable imagined retirement where I stave off loneliness and despair by basically using the internet forever being impossible because it's all going to be weird and scary for me.

>>33997
>I thought I was being a bit schizo with this but I'm absolutely right.

Twas ever thus. Did you think we were going to be reliant solely on text as our medium of information forever, lad? Gigabit fibre to the doorstep has been a thing now since before the pandemic in a lot of places. Cloud distribution for servers (CDNs and the like) has been around for much longer. How much we can squeeze into a bandwidth is no longer the defining factor of what we can see and do online.

The real scary shit is just how few players there are at the top of the food chain. The vast majority of services are operated by or run on Google or Amazon and the provider has the absolute final say for what is "appropriate" content on those systems. Decentralisation and a return to the ways of the early web are the only way this can be reversed but with such a monopoly on distribution and the corps having the money to get in bed with the government to shape policy in their favour, it's looking a bit bleak.

On the furthest end of the spectrum, Usenet -- which is still largely unmoderated -- is an absolute clusterfuck of schizoposting, shady links, decades-old non-consent porn, and solicitation of "alternative pharmaceutical" services. It's also largely dead, despite being entirely separate from the WWW and offering discussion and socialising based on granular topics instead of vaguely labelled content dumps (r/funnymemes and the like) and points-based clout.

A balance can be struck, I just don't know how we'll get to that point or whether we will.

Joel McHale's chest and arms are way too long, his nipples disturbingly far down. Man looks like a shaved werewolf.

>>33998

Is it possible to navigate Usenet while sticking to the non-shady and preferably non-dead sections?

I kind of miss the old internet. Facebook and Twitter have been an absolute blight. I hated the pretence of Myspace as a teenager, but that at least provided a niche hangout for alternative kids and bands.

>>34000
>Is it possible to navigate Usenet while sticking to the non-shady and preferably non-dead sections?

It works like an RSS reader if you've ever used one. You don't really know what you're getting until you're subscribed to the group or requesting articles from the group.

There's also no central authority to tell you which newsgroups were updated most recently, at least not as far as I'm aware. It's very much about searching for what sort of group you want by keyword and going up the chain to see what the nature of it is, i.e. is it a classifieds group or for discussion?

>>33998
>A balance can be struck, I just don't know how we'll get to that point or whether we will.
Wot about decentralised p2p internet?

>>34000
What are your favourite Web 1.0 sites that are still inexplicably up? Mine include the dack.com bullshit generator, and deathclock.com.

They sell lemon juice from concentrate but not concentrated lemon juice.

>>34003

Someone updated zombo.com to HTML5 now that Flash is dead. I'm not sure that Gen Z would get the joke.

https://html5zombo.com/

>>34003

Probably ilXor, a site which seems to create a strong disincentive to participate, forcing people to lurk indefinitely.

>>34003

theshadowlands.net is a paranormal website full of pictures of spooky ghosts, UFOs and cryptids, which has been alive and kicking since about 1995. It's still unashamedly HTML 1.0, with all the cliches like animated icons and view counters, and it has an ever increasing list of memorials to the site owner's pets. I spent hours on it when I was a kid.

The greatest source, for me, of what I will pretentiously call black euphoria is reading the Steam comments left on patch notes and development blogs there. The cretinous utterances these barely human, entitled, dullards shape into crude sentences are like an opioid to me; never satisfactory, but irresistible all the same.

I wanted to get some ID photos taken, but I've got a pimple right in the corner of my mouth that makes me look like I've got a medieval STI so I can't. Or won't.

It's weird how the sorts of people who spent decades raging against the horrors of nationalism and group-think now wave flags all over their twitter profile. I'm not trying to be edgy here and undermine whatever cause but it's odd how people make a given ideology a fundamental part of their profile. A uniform if you will.

The bar for obscure political participation has gotten too low. It used to be that if someone had a weird political ideology they'd be weird bookish nerds, the types who like their ales and debates, but now anyone can feel part of a tribe with a political compass test and a little flag to raise awareness. And I don't think having an EU or a Union flag on your profile says anything about whether I'd like you as a person. Other than you're probably a cunt.

>>34040
I really assumed you were referring to the Ukraine flag.

>>34040
Ironically some of the most jingoistic folks I've met have been left-leaning Germans. Never get them started about bread/toast because they will never shut the fuck up about it.

Counter Strike 2 is the fifth entry in the Counter Strike series.

>>34043
I've only just now realised how you're supposed to tell apart Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 and Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II.

>>34043
"Valve can't count" is more demonstrable fact than meme now.

I have a £5 off coupon for a £30 shop at Lidl. I'm not saying it's impossible but I'm trying to avoid a situation where the supermarket wins and I buy a load of stuff I don't need which is further complicated as I just did the shopping and have plenty of booze.

I have 6 days to solve this conundrum.

>>34046

Stock up on basics - pasta, jars and tins, toiletries, bog roll etc. Given the state of the economy, it's better than putting your money in the bank.

>>34046
Stock up on non-perishables. That said, the only unique selling point for Lidl is their choco shells.

>>34047
>>34048
The additional problem is I've got to load it all into a backpack and cloth bag to be walked with. They've really thought of everything.

>>34049
Stock up on small electrical items from the middle aisles?

>>34049
I was told recently I have a vitamin D deficiency, and whenever I tell anyone about this, they all say they've had the same news. I think everyone in the country has a vitamin D deficiency. I don't know about Lidl, but Aldi sells vitamin D pills to counteract this. They don't go off (for a long time), they're tiny, you almost definitely need them, and they're pretty expensive for their size. Get a couple of bottles of those.

>>34051
Yeah I started taking this during the pandemic and haven't looked back. Not because I believed it stopped the shrinking penis flu but because we all stopped going outside and I found out that we all should be taking it but don't get told this because:

1. You can, in theory, get enough vitamin D through your diet and Big Catfish doesn't like competition.
2. It would be expensive for the government to have to pay for it.

Although obviously it's a waste if you're getting sunshine or you're having eggs that day. So it's not something I necessarily need.

Do you think a cosmetic surgeon would be able and willing to make my left foot a centimetre or two larger? Righty fights perfectly in a size 8, but there's always some wiggle room on the left.

>>34053

They could probably inject a load of filler, but I think it'd be cheaper and less traumatic to wear two socks on your left foot.

>>34053
They'll do anything in Turkey for enough lira. You might die but it's a risk I'm willing to take.

As I was walking home, a bird shat on me. It shat on me a lot. We're talking maybe a snowball's worth in total, all down my front. At first, I thought a local lout had thrown something at me, but there's no way any of the youths in that direction could have hit me at that distance and not been celebrating. Also, I was under a tree with a bird in it. I looked in the mirror when I got home, and some of it had even landed on my head. It was awful. I think birds should become extinct. Fuck birds.

>>34056
Birds are dinosaurs and dinosaurs are extinct QED

Facebook.

I just want to stop shitting. I've lost count of my toilet trips today and my arsehole is like a gunshot wound.

>>34059

You're really painting a picture.

>>34059
Other than shooting it, I really don't understand what you could do to your arsehold to make it look like that. Good luck, regardless.

>>34059
Did you eat lots of peanuts by any chance? The worst digestive misfortune I ever had came about when I ate a lot of peanuts. I was at university, and I think the deal was 3 x 500g packets for £5 or something like that, and I ate the full 1.5kg in two days. So not even in one sitting or anything. But it flipped a switch inside me and, being a shiftless student at the time, I didn't lose count and I know I went for a shit over 30 times the following day. And yet Nelson Mandela is the one with the statue.

>>34062
I've eaten peanuts out of my arse once. Much less taste of shit than you'd expect.

>>34063
Explain.

>>34063
Explain.

While we're on about bowel movements, I had a steak and ale pie yesterday and my shit this morning smelled just like it. It was extremely dark.

Where I live in what might be the most diverse and left-wing constituency in the country. Despite this, certain people feel it's only right to spray-paint 'anti-fascist area' and leave crude stickers everywhere. Along with the usual stuff about the vaccines and chemtrails.

Maybe I'm getting old but I really do hate people who impose on others like this. I wish Jezza would come out and say that picking up litter is anti-fascist instead.

>>34065
What is there to explain? I ate a large bag of peanuts one day and passed them into the toilet on the next. Found numerous undigested chunks on the toilet paper, decided it'd be interesting to re-eat them. For science, ofcourse.

>>34068
I think you should be killed.

>>34069
Why's that?

My gym appears to have decided that we don't need hot water. I don't want to sound like a big girl but I'm not talking about it being a little on the cool-side but absolutely freezing, a temperature I wish my kitchen tap would get to when I want a refreshing drink.

I can easily shower at home but my neighbours kid's bedroom is next to my bathroom and if it's early morning I don't want to be waking them up.

>>34067
>I really do hate people who impose on others like this
It's awful. We should just let the fascists be. It's not like anything bad ever came from appeasing them.

I am going to obliterate the next journo who covers AI/maching learning as evil robots taking over Earth. I've lost about three inches of hairline with how fucking annoying I find it.

>>34073

To be fair to the journos, a lot of machine learning researchers are shitting themselves too. Obviously the press are going to take the most sensationalist possible angle on any story, but a lot of the people in the "AI is going to kill us all" camp are very eminent in the field.

Someone keeps putting their banana in the work fridge.

No this is not a euphemism.

>>34067
Welcome to Hyde Park, Leeds.

Full of posho wanker Russell Group students that attend a uni that props itself up on the arms trade while they contribute to rampant landlordism and gentrification at the detriment of local working-class families.

Don't come here, meanie fascists!

>>34076

I'm perpetually proud I went to Leeds Met instead.

Welsh speakers are insufferable.

Inspired by the abbos, they're trying to rename Snowdon and Snowdonia against the will of Welsh people at large. Selecting English on the official site now yields reams of absolute nonsense.

>>34078
It's their land, you silly sod.

Gonna go up to Caithness and tell them to sort their weird town names out, yeah? Achvarasdal? Nah, you're New Slough now and you'll bloody well like it.

>>34075

No need to call your perennially single coworker the work fridge, lad. Maybe she just hasn't found the right lad.



I'll get my coat.

>>34080
It's whose land? Not the majority of the people born there, but the minority who speak a dying language? Why's that then?

Caithness? I see from Wikipedia most of the village and hamlet names there have translations in Gaelic and Scots, so doesn't that mean they've been adjusted into English already?

>>34083
Fastest growing language in the UK mate https://www.itv.com/news/wales/2021-03-10/welsh-becomes-fastest-growing-language-in-uk-after-rise-in-number-of-learners-during-pandemic

>>34084
Isn't that because it's starting from a very low base? A 44% increase in people learning Welsh isn't as impressive when you realise they've gone from 100 people to 144.

>>34085
It's spoken more than any language brought by immigrants except Polish.

>>34086
And I'm sure all these immigrants are clamouring to learn Welsh rather than English.

>>34087
You can move the goalposts all day you just sound all the more bitter.

>>34084

That article is completely disingenuous. Lots of adults were swotting up on science and maths in 2020, but it wasn't for their own sake - it was because all the schools were shut and they were having to teach their own kids. The Welsh language is mandatory in all schools in Wales, so of course the language is growing rapidly.

If Welsh people want to spend a lot of time in schools teaching something that isn't particularly useful, that's their prerogative. The relative success of Welsh should be seen more as an indictment of language teaching in the rest of the UK. If we were serious about developing the "global Britain" that Brexiteers claim to want, we'd be teaching our kids a useful level of proficiency in Mandarin. In the modern economy, basic business Mandarin is practically a superpower.

>>34084
How many people that use Duolingo go on to reach fluency? Not many I'd reckon. Especially not people that were just bored during lockdown.

>>34088
Forgive me if I think the Census is a more reliable source than some advertorial for Duolingo.

>>34089
>The relative success of Welsh should be seen more as an indictment of language teaching in the rest of the UK.
That would wash if it wasn't English-centric dogma and the bleeding dry of the Welsh land to make them more dependent on Westminster that lead to its decline in the first place.

Next you'll be asking why the Scots want independence.

>>34091
>Next you'll be asking why the Scots want independence.
Nope. Because they don't, remember?

>>34074
More importantly, the people who are blatantly failing the Jurassic Park test are already getting far too much flattering and unchallenging exposure.