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>> No. 428025 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 10:52 pm
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My other half has squeezed all of the washing up liquid into a Kilner bottle.

Lads, I don't get it. I really don't get it. I mean, I gave up trying to understand women a long time ago but every now and then something happens that leaves me utterly flummoxed beyond all comprehension. Is 'WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT' still wordfiltered? I mean, she's moved it from one bottle... to another bottle. It doesn't even pour that well so you always end up using more than you intended to. I doubt anyone in the entire history of humankind has ever thought "washing up liquid in a glass bottle, nice." It's bright yellow and she also pours the cooking oil into a Kilner bottle, which she doesn't store too far away from it, so I can almost certainly guarantee at some point in the future she'll end up frying food in washing up liquid. The lid is also a faff. Just... why? Why, lads?

Can you lads please reassure me that your lasses do stupid shit like this?
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>> No. 428234 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 2:11 pm
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>>428232

Ergh.
>> No. 428243 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 4:07 pm
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>>428232
Chinese aren't Asian now?
>> No. 428244 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 4:32 pm
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>>428243
I believe the official classification for them is 'Mental Orientals'.
>> No. 428245 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 5:20 pm
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>>428243
Not unless you're septic.
>> No. 428247 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 5:22 pm
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>>428245

What continent is China in?
>> No. 428249 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 6:35 pm
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>>428247
Are you going to start calling Canadians "American"?
>> No. 428251 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 6:48 pm
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>>428249

No because there's a country we commonly call "America" so that would be confusing. However many people call people on the southern part of the American continent "South Americans", which you might not have known.
>> No. 428252 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 6:54 pm
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I wonder how angry OP will get when they're down to the last bit of washing up liquid and he's got to stare at it for about fourty odd seconds as it slowly runs along the sides of the bottle, before it limply drips out onto his dishes.

He's gonna' go mental.
>> No. 428253 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 6:58 pm
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>>428252

Or he could just put some water in the bottle
>> No. 428255 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 7:21 pm
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>>428251
>No because there's a country we commonly call "America" so that would be confusing.
Right, and in this country there's a specific community of people we commonly call "Asian".
>> No. 428257 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 7:35 pm
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>>428253
He'll be too angry to think, even it does occur to him he won't do it. "It's the principle, I shouldn't have to put the water in the bottle so I won't".

Absolutely bonkers, off his head.
>> No. 428258 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 7:45 pm
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>>428252
There's approximately a fifth of the bottle left, which now has a few streaks of dried liquid going down it due to how shit it pours (and because I'm not cleaning it out of principle). I'm tempted to top it up before it's empty with different coloured wash liquid.
>> No. 428267 Anonymous
1st July 2019
Monday 12:15 am
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>>428251

How does the old joke go... You know you're a redneck if you think Central America means Kansas.
>> No. 428349 Anonymous
2nd July 2019
Tuesday 11:26 pm
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>>428252

And he gets angry and shakes it like a bottle of red sauce, and it just globs out and doesn't make the lovely foam.

Makes me mad just thinking of it.
>> No. 428668 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 2:32 pm
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I've been dress shopping with my girlfriend today. Why do women have so many clothes to choose from? It's fucking ridiculous.
>> No. 428669 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 3:42 pm
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>>428668

I've noticed that when it really comes down to it, 90% of it is absolute shit that looks like a Blue Peter presenter threw it together with a hangover. But women are fussy, and their clothing market wouldn't work if they didn't feel like they had lots of choice.

Blokes often complain that they have less to choose from but out of all that choice, men and women still have roughly the same amount of viable, aesthetically pleasing clothing combinations. This is why you more often see a woman dressed like a complete twat than a man.

Men want to go into a shop and come out with something good looking, with as little fuss as possible. Most men don't even want that, they just want jeans and a t-shirt. Whereas women want to feel like they have really achieved something by finding that one perfect dress and pair of heels.
>> No. 428670 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 4:08 pm
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>>428669

I think on the bottom line, men and women just view the purpose of clothing differently. For men, form mainly follows function. You want clothes that suit your needs on the job and in your free time respectively, and ideally ones that make you look just barely sharp and handsome, although even that is negotiable when you look at some lads in the street.

Women, on the other hand, on top of wanting to feel well dressed and attractive, tend to want clothes to be decoration and to reflect the mood they're in, clothes must match their hair colour, overall style, and any number of other attributes that appear relevant on a given day to a woman (around a woman's ovulation, dresses have been proven scientifically to become shorter and more revealing, for one thing).

And so women end up with cupboards full of clothes that were bought one day on a whim because it seemed like a good idea at the time, but then those clothes just disappear into the vastness of that cupboard, becoming one of five dozen possible outfits, but women still complain that they've got nothing to wear for the occasion at hand.

And it's of course blasphemy when you as a bloke then tell your missus that the choice would be easier if she had fewer clothes to begin with.
>> No. 428671 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 4:26 pm
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>>428670
>(around a woman's ovulation, dresses have been proven scientifically to become shorter and more revealing, for one thing).

This sounds like "deadly Harvestman" territory, but I'll buy it, for now.
>> No. 428672 Anonymous
10th July 2019
Wednesday 4:48 pm
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>>428671

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2006/oct/11/science.fashion

>"They tend to put on skirts instead of pants, show more skin and generally dress more fashionably," said Martie Haselton, the University of California Los Angeles researcher who led the study.



Slightly older study from around 2006, but so far not debunked, it appears.
>> No. 428693 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 12:25 pm
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>>428122
> I actually felt like she was trying to make me forget how to look after myself to force me into dependency.
You might be not too far off the mark. Some of them do exactly that.
I'm only unsure if it's a conscious decision.

>>428164
> he'll probably go from one relationship to the next where he'll always have his partner do all of it.
Certainly the way one of my friends had been doing.
I remember him admitting it flat out once when I brought him a spare part for his car and found him sitting in the kitchen hungry. He said he'll wait for the missus to come and cook him something. 'And if we ever part ways, I'll just find myself another one.'
>> No. 428694 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 12:36 pm
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>>428693
>I'm only unsure if it's a conscious decision.

It's a well established system.
>> No. 428709 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 4:48 pm
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>>428693

>Certainly the way one of my friends had been doing. 

I remember hearing a radio interview once where they interviewed one of those women who do phone sex for pay. And she said one time, an older chap called her and asked her if she could help him figure out how to wank himself off. This was before the Internet, or at least before the elderly warmed up to it.

Anyway, apparently the chap said that his wife had died a while ago, and that she was the only person he was ever intimate with since they got married in their teenage years.

The poor lad was so dependent on his late wife that he never even learned to properly wank himself off.
>> No. 428721 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 8:03 am
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>>428709
That sex must have been mind-blowing.
>> No. 428722 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 8:12 am
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>>428721
That or she forbade him from doing it.
>> No. 428724 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 11:44 am
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>>428722
If a man wants to wank, a man wanks. There are chaps climbing the Machu Picchu trail who are doing it and there are ten years plus Gitmo detainees indulging as well.
>> No. 429035 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 1:02 pm
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OP You're not alone.

>Washing up liquid doesn't stay in the squeezy bottle, no no. It goes into a cork bottle
>Matches dont belong in the match box, they belong in a tin flip-lid box with "MATCHES" on it, with a striking strip glued to the back
>Just finished a jar of jam? Good. Now we have somewhere to store beef fat, which will be diligently never used and will be thrown out once it starts changing colors.
>This bathroom needs more shit wall stickers of dolphins, and wooden hearts glued to the wall
>This bedroom needs masks, posters of french movies we've never seen, and scatterpillows
>This sofa also needs scatterpillows
>This perfectly functional closer door mirror needs drapes.

I could go on.
>> No. 429036 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 1:12 pm
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>>429035
Lad, if you want to fit in around here then you'll have to knock off all of that greentexting.
>> No. 429039 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 1:57 pm
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>>429036
> fit in around here then you'll have to knock off all of that greentexting

I can't stand this attitude, it seems like some sort of arrested development obsession with proving we aren't 4chan. The fight is over let it go, we aren't going to get taken over just because we let people use a rhetorical device.
>> No. 429040 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 2:42 pm
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>>429039
It's a slippery slope. You accept green texting and then next thing you know people will be posting those memes things that I keep hearing about.
>> No. 429042 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 2:54 pm
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I'm not a mod or anything, but that was perfectly alright meme arrowing, in my opinion. He was paraphrasing (I bet there's a more specific word for what he did, but I don't know it) things that had happened in real life, the same way you would take snippets from a news article when making a thread about it, or you might post the premise of a film you were recommending on here. Does .gs have a High Court we could petition for a definitive ruling?

>If you want to fit around here

Why the hell would anyone want to do that?
>> No. 429043 Anonymous ## Mod ##
22nd July 2019
Monday 3:03 pm
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>>429042
>> No. 429045 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 5:09 pm
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>>429042
>Why the hell would anyone want to do that?

We take our appreciation of sheds, cups of tea and Countdown co-presenters very seriously.
>> No. 429047 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 5:43 pm
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>>429045

You're living a lie mate. We all drink coffee and admitted as much. The vast majority of us probably have TVs, and I bet none of us even have a shed.
>> No. 429048 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 5:46 pm
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>>429036
That's a perfectly syntactically and semantically correct use of greentext, and I officially declare it acceptable and you a pleb.

Appeals to this decision may be lodged via the circular file in the corner of the office.

That is all.
>> No. 429049 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 5:59 pm
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>>429048
You know I don't think that's even his real hair. Can't be trusted.
>> No. 429051 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 6:22 pm
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>>429048
The correct, and only, use of greentext is to quote someone else.

Greentext stories are lazy; they resulted in a lot of creativity and nuance on imageboards being stymied.
>> No. 429055 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 6:37 pm
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>>429051
>The correct, and only, use of greentext is to quote someone else.
Correct, but for our purposes "quote" includes paraphrasing, misquoting, and putting words in their mouth, and "someone else" is not limited to people on this board, or even people that exist. The example here of putting words into the mouth of a notional partner is perfectly acceptable and anyone that disagrees is wronger than Are Jim'll.
>> No. 429065 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 8:49 pm
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>>429035

The thing that pisses me off most is that there seems to be some part of the female brain that actively enjoys making things more difficult and inconvenient, impeding otherwise efficient function, for the sake of "aesthetics".

It's not just "this sofa would be nicer with a throw on it" it has to be "this sofa would be nicer with a throw on it and ten cushions that we always take off before we sit down because you can't bloody sit on the fuckers BUT THEY LOOK NICE"

I'm all for making the place look a bit nicer. I like a homely touch, I don't want to live in some sort of cross between a Kraftwerk album and Steve Job's psyche like the male "utilitarian" ideal would be considered. But for fuck's sake those fucking fairy lights do nothing but make it difficult to shut the bloody curtains. Why the fuck are they there.

Secondly:

>>429048

Although I stand in the defence of greentext used as paraphrasing, quoting, and mis-quoting for deliberate ad hominem; I must observe that .gs common law is based upon precedent. For this reason I must draw your honour's attention to several previous bans for the greentext as used in this post- I believe the key distinction lies in the consecutive run-on nature of each line.

Compare and contrast the ire brought by the use of greentext as a piecemeal way to respond to specific points and paragraphs during a cunt-off, which has been unanimously agreed as against the Mansfield Convention of Cunt Off Conduct (2013).
>> No. 429068 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 9:00 pm
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>>429051

I imagine you to be the kind of pseudo intellectual snob who pisses yourself with delight at how clever James Joyce's god awful writing style purely because someone wearing a suit and a tie told you it was good whilst you were at 6th form. With no self reflection of your beliefs then or now

Brevity is a gift that green text gives us. I dont want to have to read through the filler of someone who might be an idiot and never makes it to the point. This is supposed to be about having a conversation not a monologue or a writing class.
>> No. 429071 Anonymous
22nd July 2019
Monday 9:26 pm
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>>429065

He used the > as a way to present a bulleted list, not to tell a story in the way other, lesser chans do. Stop being a knob.

>I AM A DRIBBLING COCK you're a knob
>> No. 429093 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 11:29 am
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>>429065
> The thing that pisses me off most is that there seems to be some part of the female brain that actively enjoys making things more difficult and inconvenient, impeding otherwise efficient function, for the sake of "aesthetics".
That reminds me one theory which details I, sadly, remember only vaguely.
It was about some wacky the shipping forecast by indulging into things that require way more care and expenses than the practical value they provide.
Basically, 'I can afford to spend money and time on nearly useless things'.
>> No. 429094 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 11:31 am
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>>429093
How in bloody hell did 'virtuе signаlling' happen to get filtered?
>> No. 429095 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 11:47 am
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>>429065
My girlfriend does this. When the bed is made there are extra pillows and they are all stacked upright rather than flat. Then the cushions go in front of them.

It's a strange ritual of putting them on in the morning and chucking them on the floor at night.
>> No. 429116 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 10:58 pm
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>>429095

Mine does this too, and sometimes even gets annoyed if I use the cushions as actual cushions. She also folds and crimps the bog roll like they do in hotels.

I know it's incredibly trite and lazy to say "women, ay?! What are they like?!" But fuck me, it's the only sane response.

The fascinating thing is my missus is not in any way a girly girl, she is a borderline tomboy and spends just as much time in sheds as I do, likes engines and soldering and bikes and that, but still somehow feels the need for forty cushions and dead twigs in vases and all of that. Why the fuck couldn't she just be content to live in a spanner laden grease covered hovel like I would?
>> No. 429120 Anonymous
23rd July 2019
Tuesday 11:22 pm
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>>429116
You're lucky lad. At least there seems to be some reasoning with yours, I also like that she folds the shit roll all nice. Mine only does that if we have a guest stopping over night.

My wife is kind of weird. She'll obsess over silly things like arranging the glasses and tablewear in the kitchen cabinets by size and color and will insist that Orange juice does not belong in the carton but in the jug, as if she needs visual confirmation on the amount remaining and judging by weight is useless to her. She also get irrationally irritated when the remote is not neatly on the coffee table when used and insists that the varnish on our shit, second hand basic ikea coffee table must be protected by not only a sheet but also coasters.

And yet I don't think there's been a single week I've had since she's moved in where I haven't found the spare room in an absolute fucking state. It acts as our guest room and if we're expecting someone she cleans it up, but otherwise it's just her walk in closet/dumping ground. The kitchen must be completely clear of any and all used dishes, debris, glasses and utensils at all times but pubes all over a used bath towel on the spare bedroom bed? Meh.

It is a "Women, aye?" thing. So many inconsistencies and contradictions in their behavioral patterns.
>> No. 429161 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 11:17 am
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>>429116

> and dead twigs in vases

That one has stumped me too. Window space is a scarce commodity if, like me, you enjoy gardening and are into - live - plants. A dead pussy willow twig in a vase on a window sill serves no function, is a dust collector, which then needs regular attention dusting it off, and really looks kind of sad. When that space could be used for anything from newly germinated chili pepper plants at the beginning of spring to my collection of cacti in winter. A dead willow twig is dead, no manner of light through the window is going to bring it back to life, so if you inconceivably want to hold on to it anyway, why does it have to be on the window sill.


>>429120

>It is a "Women, aye?" thing. So many inconsistencies and contradictions in their behavioral patterns.

And yet, they accuse us of exactly the same. Like, why we feel the need to leave dirty used socks lying around, when we could just as easily pick them up and throw them right in the hamper or washing machine on our next trip to the bathroom, kitchen, or wherever your washing machine is located. You can't argue with the little shred of logic in that idea, but who really thinks of that when we take our socks off.
>> No. 429164 Anonymous
25th July 2019
Thursday 3:18 pm
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>>429095>>28824
Yup. My wife insists on "show pillows" to go on top of the normal pillows through the day. Pity absolutely no one ever is in the bedroom during the day. When we get back from work she takes them back off again. Why ffs?
>> No. 429275 Anonymous
29th July 2019
Monday 7:22 pm
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>>429164

>Why ffs?

Because that one issue of Marie Claire two months ago said so.

Really all you have to do is browse those women's magazines online (I dare you), and you will see where women get all those ideas from.
>> No. 429276 Anonymous
29th July 2019
Monday 7:27 pm
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>>429275
Those magazines always have the best tips.
>> No. 429278 Anonymous
29th July 2019
Monday 7:45 pm
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>>429276

>IT'S MAD

Hard to argue with that assertion.

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