Annual Andrew update. He's still running his augmented reality company.

https://mobile.twitter.com/AndrewHartAR

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xyjk4sDxnI

>>455394
His app that shows you where things are in shops is cool but given that supermarkets intentionally make it difficult to find things to encourage you to browse and buy more, I'm not sure they'll go for it in a big way.

>>455395

Fuck, that's dowdy.

>>455398
It's tradition. The video has been posted every year since Andrew made it back in ~2009.

We've had the same Christmas thread and image since 2017 at the latest, possibly a bit earlier. Should we have a different one next year?

>>455399

>We've had the same Christmas thread and image since 2017 at the latest

Sorry, guess I never realised what it was from.

Goes to show my heightened disinterest in all things Christmas.

It has only just occured to me that Andrew is savvy enough to know we link to him every year. Merry Christmas lad.

>>455402
I think he tries to ignore his past. The original video, as with his other recordings such as 'The Fun Is In Sharing', have all been made private on YouTube. It wouldn't surprise me if the lad faced a lot of bullying because of his Christmas song.

As with the BearForce One song, we're probably the main community keeping it alive. Someone could link Andrew here, but I imagine he'd find it uncomfortable.

Yeah, no shit he'd find it uncomfortable a bunch of grown men see in the holidays by ritualistically posting an awful song he made 13 years ago as a teenager, for reasons bordering somewhere between the arcane and ironic.

I'm not saying stop, just don't DM him or anything.

>>455406
He may already be one of us.

I've started on the stollen. Fuck knows when I'll stop.

>>455409
It's a bit early for that lad. Pace yourself.

>>455409
Lebkuchen for me. The big ones from Lidl.

>>455407
Big Sarah Millican's Squelchy Fanny Custard's been replaced by Big Opinel, I think. Or maybe we're still on big boot? I lose track these days.

>>455416
Honestly wish I got paid for all these product endorsements.

This time next year we'd be millionaires ladm9s.

Elf on a shelf gets on my tits. Never seen the point of it.

>>455427
It's induction into the surveillance state for children. The Elf of the Shelf is a cop, and ACAB.

>>455427
It's truly bizarre. Always one of the top ten selling books at this time of year, for no good reason at all.

>>455409
>>455415

Lidl's stollen tends to be a bit doughy and half baked. Not sure why that is. Sainsbury's have decent stollen, and it's not as expensive as you would think.

The best stollen I've ever had was when we went to Dresden, one of the principal homes of the art of stollen bakery in Germany. Dresden stollen is difficult to get in the UK, but if you see it advertised somewhere, then that's the one to get. I bought a whole box of Emil Reimann's Dresden stollen while we were there, it was about ten quid but it was well worth it. It's one of the most esteemed local brands.


There, I'm a stollen snob. I admit it.

>>455434
>Lidl's stollen tends to be a bit doughy and half baked

Is that not because it's almost 50% marzipan? I'm not sure how much marzipan is in your expensive German stollen for comparison.

I hate marzipan and I hate how everything christmassy has marzipan in it.

Iced mince pies are all I have, and I don't really like them because they're often a bit too rich, but if it wasn't for that I'd have nothing.

>>455439
Brandy butter mince pies are the best mince pies.

>>455439

I love marzipan. I've sort of developed a marzipan habit the last few weeks and can't get enough of it.

>>455445

Marzipan is a high-tier energy boost. I buy a slab of the golden stuff each month and cut of a sliver to whizz up in the blender with some milk to boost my porridge.

Now, if only I could buy a similar payload of Brazil Nut paste, I could literally die happy from a selenium overdose.

>>455454
Might as well dip a battenberg in your porridge if you're going to do that.

>>455455

No, because that doesn't make any sense. Why don't you just dunk a cow in your cornflakes. Goon.

I've tried listening to a Christmas radio station but they keep playing Christmas Lights by Coldplay when it's absolutely dire.

>>455464
Whamageddon rules are that if you see it without listening, you're ok.

>>455464
Ah its Christmas. Shall we get the snowflakes out?

It's not better, but I'd rather listen to Jimmy Eat World's version.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3J7trGtpB0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3fSknbR7Y4

I'm actually old enough to remember when it came out.

>>455478

You're dead old, you.

>>455479

Well I was a weelad in 1984. But old enough to wipe my own arse and remember that my parents absolutely loved the song and my dad was playing it on his record player all the time.

>>455466
>Shall we get the snowflakes out?

The Met Office has warned that severe cold weather is set to hit the UK this week, with overnight temperatures plummeting to -6C (21F) in some places.

Snow is likely in northern Scotland, although temperatures will be low enough to make it a possibility anywhere in the country. Frost and ice are also expected.

Health care providers are also being told to implement cold weather plans under a level three cold weather alert, between 18:00 GMT on Wednesday and 09:00 on Monday 12 December in most parts of England.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63857912

>>455489


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3ERe76IWgE

>>455491

He looks like Protagonist from Ten neT.

>>455495

MC Ride is what happens when you smoke PCP through a broken 56k modem.

>>455489

The horror.

It's kind of a good thing that we're getting global warming instead of global cooling. Because here in Britain we'd simply be unequipped for the kind of winter that many other countries would call entirely ordinary.

Then again, there's still a chance that global warming will cause the Gulf Stream to stop, and then we'll all really be fucked.

For £5 a ticket you can see East 17, four members of Blazin' Squad and S Club All Stars on their Christmas tour.

https://www.hotukdeals.com/deals/ps5-tickets-for-east-17-plus-guests-at-sheffield-city-hall-on-71222-4043615

I've looked it up so you don't have to; S Club All Stars are the rebrand of S Club 3, since Jo left and was replaced by a member of S Club Juniors.

Lidl had some cracking chestnuts today.

They're in the oven right now.

>>455496


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ibf6atBsyxk

This is 12 years old now, bloody hell.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwlP9F1FEDM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4oLiE13Tj4

Do we need to create an alternative Christmas playlist?

>>455526

Eight days. I lasted eight days before hearing Buble. The bubbly man is inevitable at Christmas.

I don't want to jinx things, but are we going to have a LadBaby free Christmas this year?

>>455538

Not a chance in hell.

>>455541
I do like how some of the news reporting around this has censored "cunt" but not "Kunt". Why even bother? He's even got a bowdlerised alternative name specifically for media use.

>>455541
Fair play to Kunt, but it won't stop me from thinking he's almost as obnoxious.

>>455497
What the fuck is that? How is that not at constant risk of burying cars? Physicslad please explain how this is at all safe.

>>455549
I know I keep saying it, but Kunt peaked somewhere around 2014 and hasn't done anything decent for years.

Work's Christmas do tonight. I didn't go, fuck knows why they arranged it for a Saturday.

Speaking of Christmas parties, do you think my local Labour Party would mind if the only function I've attended in three years is Monday's Christmas party? Technically they owe me a party because they've yet to deliver on a government.

>>455559

I always hated them as well.

Good thing about being self employed. No more office Christmas parties. That's one of the things I really like about it around this time of year. Not having to deal with all that shite anymore.

>>455561
I would have gone if it wasn't on a Saturday. I know it's cool on parts of the internet to hate all of your coworkers, but there's plenty I can have a laugh with. However, I'm not giving up any weekend time for a work function.

>>455562
Some people are never happy. My colleagues always fume that we do ours on a Wednesday or Thursday night.

>>455560
>loyalty to politicians after they've locked us up for two years, destroyed the economy, made us struggle to heat ourselves and eat, and caused immunity to diseases to plummet
The only good politician is in a little box six feet below.

"Ladbaby" is doing a new version of Band Aid. Fucking hell.

Why, in the name of Christ, did I offer to do Christmas dinner? Why did I say that? I hate cooking. I would quite happily live on soup and whatever nice bread I can find in Sainsbury's on a given day, but for some reason I just offered to cook a massive dinner on a day that I decided three years ago I don't enjoy. What an utter dickhead I was two hours ago.

>>455574
Alright, big man, don't piss yourself.

>>455577
You remember when the CIA put that bomb in a cigar to try to kill Castro?

>>455578
Can you have most things prepped on the day so they just need reheating?

My girlfriend's bought a vegan sausage roll wreath for this year.

>>455577
There won't be sausage rolls in Africa this Christmastime
The greatest gift they'll get this year is Greggs

Also, he's doing it in the wrong year. "Band Aid 38" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

IT'S SNOWING

What are you lads asking Santa for this year?

To be honest I didn't want to 'do' Christmas this year, after numerous with the thought that I should probably experience it alone at least once in my life. Half of my family are away; the other half reacted with disapointment when I told them. I've realised it's not just about you (me), and that any decision I make will ultimately effect my family.

>>455599
All I could really do with is some fresh pants and socks. My parents will probably get me a box of After Eights or Bendicks mints, possibly also wine gums and a few bottles of beer. My brother will either get me an Amazon gift card or one for a dining chain which I don't frequent. My girlfriend will get me bed clothes, possibly a knock-off Oodie and a few bits of tat.

>>455599
I always want Christmas to be the same as when I was a child, so I always want real presents. I've heard that some people are not like this. I was stumped this year, so I've said clothes are a decent idea, plus Metallica have released a new album so I can get that on CD and listen to that a couple of times.

>>455599

Me and the missus just put together money so we can go off and stay in a little cabin in the country with a hot tub over the new year, instead of staying in town and putting up with the crowded bars and all the fireworks and what have you.

I suppose I still ought to get her a little necklace or something like that, whenever you tell each other "you're not getting anything" you're always asking for trouble not to aren't you. I've suggested she can get me a new zippo lighter if she wants to get me anything, 'cause my old one went missing.

My mum and dad can just get me socks and pants and some choccies, like always. In return I'll get them some Border biccies, a bottle of wine, and a little garden ornament off Amazon, like always.

https://news.sky.com/story/illegal-christmas-lights-being-sold-online-putting-customers-at-risk-of-electric-shock-or-fire-says-which-12766753

>Which? found 10 of the 12 sets of Christmas tree lights it tested were illegal to sell in the UK. One set of lights was so badly made that it posed both an electric shock risk to anyone using it and was also a fire hazard.

>One set of lights bought from a seller on Wish was so badly made that it posed both an electric shock risk to anyone using it and was also a fire hazard. The fairy LED string lights, costing £13, had problems with the cable, the control box and the plug.

>The build quality was so poor that the white control box could easily be pulled apart by a child, exposing accessible live parts. Wires could be pulled out by hand with little force.


To paraphrase George Carlin, the kid who pulls apart too many Christmas lights does not get to grow up and have children of his own.

>>455609
Would anyone in their right mind buy Christmas lights from Wish?

I, for one, am OUTRAGED.

https://facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=6226900103988780&id=156723587673159

>>455643

Looks like typical rage bait. On facebook, no less.

>>455643

>>455644
That really is the zenith, or nadir depending on your outlook, of UK Facebook nonsense. Conflating about three wildly unrelated issues and ever so slightly taking credit for the Second World War, despite being too young to have done national service, let alone stormed the Rhein.

>>455646
This one always tickles me, especially because people also post it when the clocks go forward.

>>455647

There's an entire genre of fuckwitted war-based boomer memes.

>>455648

>>455649

>>455648

I particularly like how it's a Russian soldier in that picture.

>>455646

> let alone stormed the Rhein.

Then do tell us about that time you defeated the Germans.

>>455651

If you enjoyed that, you'll love >>455649 when you notice what uniform the motorcyclist is wearing. Also the fact that he's riding a BMW.

>>455648
>>455649
These are bait, right? I'm being had. The great mass of this nation are not that daft, are they?

>>455655

The great mass of this nation couldn't recognise a PPSh-41 or a Stahlhelm if it fell on them from a great height. As I've said before, "remembrance" has turned into a festival of forgetting, of slowly substituting the bloody reality of war with the non-specific nationalistic warmth of ARE BRAVE BOYS.

The youngest people to have actually seen service in the Second World War are now in their mid-90s. The people reminiscing about the blitz spirit on Facebook only have second-hand memories of it - sanitised accounts, second-hand nostalgia and outright propaganda.

Remember when there was a brief fad for those "Keep Calm and Carry On" posters? Only a nation that has forgotten the realities of war could see them as a kitsch symbol of a stiff upper lip, without reflecting on the reason they were printed and the circumstances under which they were intended to be displayed.

BUT SAY A PRAYER
PRAY FOR A SOSSAGE ROLL


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIS3wNkQ_UE

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>455656

>The great mass of this nation couldn't recognise a PPSh-41 or a Stahlhelm if it fell on them from a great height.


The Germans were just about the only ones using the Stahlhelm, so it should be easy to make out.

The M42 Stahlhelm offered far better protection against bullets and shrapnel and debris impacts to the neck than the Brodie helmet. Which meant that the Wehrmacht actually had far fewer head and neck injuries than most other armies.

It did take them a while to figure out that putting badges like the SS runes on the side of it pretty much made them target practice for enemy snipers, so that towards the end of the war, all Stahlhelm helmets were unmarked.

>>455663

That is a truly phenomenal amount of Autotune.

Roxanne would still get a gob full of my sausage roll IYKWIM.

>>455665

>It did take them a while to figure out that putting badges like the SS runes on the side of it pretty much made them target practice for enemy snipers, so that towards the end of the war, all Stahlhelm helmets were unmarked.

I'd bet a quid that they just ran out of paint.

>>455663

>>455667

Sniper rifles in WWII often had an effective range of up to 300 metres. So that a badge that size would have painted a target on you even if you were hiding behind camouflage netting.

>>455653

I've played all the Call of Duties and Medal of Honours and Battlefield games, I'll have you know. I alone likely have more combat experience than most Iraq or Svalbard veterans.

>>455670

Bit like saying you're a sex pro from all the Internet wanking you've done.

>>455673
On the contrary, otherlad speaks the truth. If you don't know to stay out of the infantry after 15 minutes in an FPS then you've only yourself to blame. I'm getting enlisted into the Typist Corps or a Washing Machine Repair Company when The Big One kicks off.

>>455674

I don't need any convincing not to join the military. I don't like people yelling at me. Always had problems with hierarchy too, so I basically have all the traits that make me less than ideal material.

>>455663
The comments on the video are a lot more calling him a grifter than previous years.

>>455676
I didn't see any of those. Most seem to be about how well Martin Lewis can sing, even though it's clearly autotuned to fuck.

>>455677
Arrange by newest rather than the ones they pin up.

Last weekend before Christmas and I'm properly ill. Can't stop shivering, voice hoarse, what a crock. I'm just going to order everyone almost random books online, you can't go wrong with a book as a gift, because if they don't read it it's they're fault for being small-minded.

Also, if one of you can get me some cup noodles and Lemsip from the shops I'd be very thankful.

*their fault
Sorry, I'm sick.