Just had to console a friend who got caught speeding this morning. She said she was doing roughly 45 in a 30 mph zone when she saw the flash of a speed camera. Depending on the inaccuracy of her speedo and the accuracy of the speed camera, I told her she could end up narrowly avoiding a Band B offence.

When your car is in for its MOT do you regularly visit the gov.uk MOT check page to see whether it's been tested yet?

I hung some brand new white t-shirts next to my several years old white bed sheet earlier and felt disgust.

>>460633
I think they give you the option of a speed-awareness course for the first time.

>>460637

She said she's got no points on her licence so far. Apparently, this happened on an unfamiliar A road that looked like it should have been a 60 zone, but looking back in the mirror, she saw that it was a designated 30 zone. Probably close to a built up area or something.

>>460635

Vanish Oxi Action is the tits. It's rescued some t-shirts that I thought were pit stained beyond repair.

I don't mean to gloat but I'm so glad I don't have to work. Seeing my neighbours lit windows at night time makes me think of everything they have to go through in their menial jobs just to sustain this bedsit lifestyle (if it should even be called that). I pity them. We're living in comparative poverty and they're having to actually pay for it.
Maybe they pity me for not earning even a meager existance.

Someone call me a cunt and get this over with.

>>460640

Dole scrounging is a hell of a lot more honourable than what a lot of people do for a living.

>>460641
>Do they owe us a living?
>Course they do, course they do
What is this supposed to mean? That a person doesn't fit into the societal mold so that society must subsidise their lifestyle?
The world doesn't owe me shit - it feels degenerative to even entertain the idea, it's too easy a scapegoat.

>At school, they give you shit
Our science set in highscrool were given a plastic 'microscope' with a magnified printout to view through a fake lense. I would like to have complained, now. Infact I feel resentment of it.

>>460642

>What is this supposed to mean? That a person doesn't fit into the societal mold so that society must subsidise their lifestyle?

I once witnessed a guy getting nicked for dodging bus fare. He tried to argue his way out of it by saying "What difference does it make if one more person rides the bus without paying. The bus will go either way". So the person nicking him said "If everybody thought like you, the buses wouldn't be going at all". To which the guy said "Yeah, but they don't. It's just me. So again, what difference does it make".

I felt enraged, but at the same time you couldn't say that he was 100 percent wrong. In some way, we're conditioned to think it's wrong, because you just can't have people freeloading, and it's a slippery slope, and all that.

>>460640
Well are you making a plan to get out of it or do you just want us to call you a dirty boy?

>Warm weather last month delayed early sales of Christmas food such as puddings and seasonal biscuits, research suggests. Retail analysts Kantar said the sunny weather meant fewer people had started to stock up for the festive season.
>Instead, sales of ice cream, burgers and dips jumped as people continued to enjoy the sun and fire up barbecues. A separate survey also said that the warmer weather had put off people from buying autumn clothing.

Christmas means Christmas!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-67062865

Looks like the reindeer botherers are on the ropes. Are we going to do a coordinated .gs boycott or have we already fucked it up with an October pack of mince pies?

Amazon have emailed me a load of Prime Day exclusives, but they're advertising a monitor as more expensive than what they'd listed it as when I was shopping around for one last month.

>>460645
I've resisted the stollen and lebkuchen in Aldi so far.

Had to bin an American podcast after Speaker's Corner was mentioned and they went into a whole comedy bit about town criers because they're American and don't know anything.

If I sign up for a gym what kind of clothing should I wear and what's the etiquette while there? I don't want to make a faux pas.

>>460648
Basic t-shirt, traccy bottoms/shorts and trainers. Get yourself some cheap breathable polyester t-shirts as your cottons will soak which gets minging if you're really pushing it. If you plan on doing a lot of cardio/sweating then I recommend a sweat band.

Don't wear a jumper (bro-science)
Don't take your shirt off
Don't spend a fuck-ton of money, it won't make you fitter

>what's the etiquette while there

1. The main rule is that nearly everyone wants to be in their own headspace at the gym so try not to be a distraction or get in anyone's way
2. Wipe the machine down when you're done (you can get a microfiber towel or some gyms have paper towel dispensers)
3. Don't throw the weights around or 'owt daft
4. If you're done on the machine then get off it
5. Scowl because there's a loud annoying minority who ruin it for everyone

Most people at the gym are nice. Ask for an introduction when you join to get your form down but if you're worried about a machine or need quick advice then you can always speak to an older looking big boy if the staff aren't around.

Is this why you lot aren't posting lately, too buy reinventing yourselves?

>>460648

Everyone is a bit intimidated when they first start at a gym, but try not to worry too much. Everyone was a first-timer once, everyone's just trying to do their workout and the vast majority of gym-goers are friendly and helpful.

Wear anything you like as long as it's clean and comfortable - shorts or trackie bottoms and a t-shirt are fine. Proper gym clothes are made of breathable synthetics that don't get soggy with sweat, but they aren't essential.

You'll get a briefing from a member of staff when you first sign up. Listen to what they say and ask any questions you might have. If you're not sure how to use a piece of equipment, ask.

Have a towel with you, so you can wipe your sweat off the equipment when you've finished. Use any equipment for as long as you need to, but free it up as soon as you're finished because someone else might be waiting to use it. At busy times, be considerate about space and try to avoid hogging a machine or loitering in the walkways.

Don't be afraid to chat with people, but do leave people alone if they look like they want to be left alone. Women are often wary about being perved at or chatted up, so try to be respectful.

>>460649>>460650
Thanks lads.

>>460649
>Is this why you lot aren't posting lately, too bu[s]y reinventing yourselves?
I'm in Belgium so I can only post via VPN. I didn't realise I was holding this place together, although it's true that I am both prominent and hugely interesting. Thank you very much to the poster here who recommended Windscribe; it needs an account but it is free and it works wonderfully for my needs.

Modding Skyrim would be so easy if I had the computer from Minority Report. I don't think it would be better at anyting else, and it's probably not worth having an entire room of my house dedicated to comatose women, but for this one thing I'd appreciate it a whole bunch.

>>460652
Aren't VPNs that need an account a scam? I thought there was just some way to do a VPN on your own that was dead easy.

I've just listened to Bush's new single. For some reason I always get them muddled up with Ash. It didn't take long for it to click Ash are the ones I actually don't mind, like is probably too strong a word.

Amateur Transplants have seemingly scrubbed all versions of "Northern Birds" from YouTube but haven't been able to get all the lyrics removed from the various websites that host such things.

What the hell is James Cleverly in Israel for? "Hi, I'm the UK foreign secretary, I heard your family was murdered by Hamas gunmen over the weekend." Brilliant, Jim. How about you stick to Warhammers from now on?

>>460656
"I've got to be seen as doing something. This is something."

>>460656
They were murdered whether he goes there or not. He's there to see if anyone wants to buy any weaponry from the British military-industrial complex. He said he was going to offer it for free, but I would rather see it all go to Ukraine. Remember Ukraine? There's a war there too.

>>460656
It might actually be an example of 4D Chess. Cleverly is so far the only politician anyone's heard use the term 'proportionate response' and the UK and US appear to have negotiated a safe corridor into Egypt.

Behind closed doors there might be an effort to stop Israel going into Gaza to burn it all down. Which given the mentalists who prop up Bibi might actually be on the cards.

Can you kill God? I feel it is the only way to break out of the chains that bind me.

>>460660

It's worth a try. I say go for it.

When I'm drunk I like to give people compliments, but it's something I don't think I could do when I'm sober. The other day I saw a woman on a bike wearing a bold red coat with a matching hat and I really felt like telling her that was a fantastic combination, but I held myself back because I was too worried about coming across as weird.

>>460662

If you feel like that sort of inhibition is having a negative impact on your life, it's definitely something you could work through with a therapist (or a decent self-help book on CBT).

Alternatively:

Do chocolate stains come out? I was having a pain au chocolat and a warm splodge fell onto my lap. It's only joggers I'd never wear in public, but still.

My mum has very bad hearing and possible onset dementia, and did kind of a dolphin rape inadvertently today in the hospital. A nurselad with a strong accent was tending to her, and she said, "You're nice, where are you from?". And the lad said "Gabon, originally". And so my mum said l, "Oh that's nice, I always liked the baboons at the zoo". I was really struggling to contain myself not to burst out laughing, and found myself apologising profusely to Gabonlad. He said no problem but didn't look happy, but I guess that's the sort of thing you can expect with my mum now.

I don't think the entire chicken breast coated in BBQ sauce and fried in butter was good for me. But it has but the kibosh on the burgeoning desire to engage with my local takeway's buy one, get one free deal on pizzas, so in that sense it was the best of a bad situation.

>>460663
I still think that sketch is applicable to real life, whatever good sense tells me otherwise. It's only the preponderance of what I call "low-level" aklies in my family that stops me from trying it out for real.

I'm properly listening to System of a Down for the first time in about 20 years and the lyrics are just nonsense. Absolute nonsense. I have no idea how I never noticed this before, perhaps because the last time I listened to them I was a teenager and it was deep.

>>460670
I thought the same of their song Chick N' Stu but this lyric site explains its meaning quite well - https://genius.com/System-of-a-down-chic-n-stu-lyrics

What's weird is that their songs seem to have predicted my attitudes and beliefs as an adult - unless I was already predisposed to paranoia and conspiracy and simply grew into it (yeah, that makes more sense).

>>460670
They make sense but they're just oblique references to things that aren't that deep, really. RATM and Tool aged far better, for their lyrics and musicianship, respectively.

>>460672
>What's weird is that their songs seem to have predicted my attitudes and beliefs as an adult - unless I was already predisposed to paranoia and conspiracy and simply grew into it (yeah, that makes more sense).

They're not really saying anything profound, it's a very surface level "WAKE UP SHEEPLE" message they're getting across.

>>460673
I could never get into Tool, although I did quite like A Perfect Circle.

>>460673
I had a similar experiance with Marylyn Manson recently. Listening out of nostalgia, I'm not a quasi-carpet-bagger-enabler or whatever else he's being accused of now. There are some strong themes and some bangers but taken as whole the catalogue is all over the place quality-wise. And it's just so very, very Hollywood. Although I think a lot of it is just lost because it's the 2020s and we all listen to pop-music now.

>>460672
I had a similar experiance to Sugar when looking it up. Didn't realise there's a connection between artificial sweeteners and violent outbursts.

>>460675
For me Manson's best work was the second half of Mechanical Animals, when he went all Ziggy Stardust. I was never a huge fan but I went to see him when he was touring in 2003 and came back with a poster about 6ft tall of him being crucified, which I put on my bedroom wall. My mum loved that.

How do you shut up that voice in the back of your head that tells you you should feel guilty about wanking with your business laptop.

I always wipe it thoroughly afterwards, and by that I mean all the system traces and browser history. I'm self employed, so I've got no IT department to answer to.

>>460678
I can't remember the last time I watched porn that wasn't on my phone.

>>460678
Develop a louder voice in the back of your head that tells you you should feel guilty about not having a better personal laptop for your wanking.

You're self-employed, you can expense that shit, you've got no excuse.

>>460680

Technically yes, I just haven't had the time for a new personal laptop. My old one is increasingly slow and the older it gets, the more it struggles with HD, let alone 4K. My business laptop is newer and more highly specced, so for the time being, it's my go-to.

I'm self-employed and I don't make a distinction between business and personal devices. It's my computer and I'll do what I like with it.

Just took a delivery and the driver had his car parked probably about 15 metres away from my door. His car radio was so loud I could hear every word being spoken by the reporter about Israel-Palestine, as clear as if I was listening through headphones. I get enjoying music enough to start turning it up and up, but not Radio 5 Live, that seems weird.

I took a week off from .gs because all the rape stuff was getting a bit unbearable. Have you all calmed down now? Did I miss anything interesting in the meantime?

Apologies if you were all bored without my constant shitposting.

>>460688
Holly's quit This Morning.

>>460689
I dared not post about it here because, well, it's just awful isn't it? Her disapearence would have shocked the nation I reckon.

>>460690
I don't know how credible a threat it actually was. I haven't paid much attention to it, but wasn't it basically some obese crackpot trying to recruit a hitman on online... well, I was going to say chatrooms but I don't know what people use these days.

It's only a matter of time before Vorderman is announced as the new presenter.

>>460691
>It's only a matter of time before Vorderman is announced as the new presenter.
Then you get nicked and the whole thing starts all over again.

As for the Willoughby story, it was far-fetched, but planning in depth to kill someone still counts, even if the plan's shit.

>>460692

What is this country coming to if you can't even plan to kill someone? Has this always been illegal? Where do we draw the line here? Aren't there entire Netflix shows about plotting and pulling off murders for 30-something ex-emo lasses to flick their bean at?

For years me and my mate would spend entire nights drinking and theorising about how we could plausibly kill David Cameron and get away with it. Should we be arrested and thrown in jail just because of our sincere desire to end the life of then-current Prime Minister, or is it all different just because we'd have been too lazy to actually go through with it? We still meant it.

Just sounds like another slippery slope from the authoritarian woke mob to me.

>>460693

>What is this country coming to if you can't even plan to kill someone? Has this always been illegal? Where do we draw the line here?

It's all in the Criminal Attempts Act of 1981. As a consequence, researching online how to best kill somebody is not yet a crime. It will not look good if your plan succeeds and you get caught for a death you've caused deliberately, as it could be used to prove intent and therefore murder. But on its own, it's not a crime. Attempted murder means you went far beyond researching how to kill somebody, by making an actual attempt to cause that person to die.

Another example, buying a knife in a shop for the sole purpose (in your mind) of stabbing somebody to death still isn't illegal. The threshold is crossed the moment you start actually physically lunging the knife at somebody with the intent of causing them deadly injuries. In which case, the fact that you went out and bought a knife just for that can again be used as a proof of (attempted) murder over manslaughter.

>>460694

So if I send a message to a celebrity or member of parliament on Twitter saying I will strangle them to death in their sleep, let's say? It's not a crime until I actually have my hands around their throat, right?

>>460695

No, that's different. You're making a threat to kill somebody. That's a separate offence and punishable in its own right.

>>460696

Oh right, okay, okay.

So what if I go up to Jacob Rees Mogg in a public place and say "I am planning to drown the politician Jacob Rees Mogg in raw sewage" in front of him. It's not a threat, because I am using the third person. I'm just casually saying out loud how I intend to do that, and he happened to be there. Right?

Or is it more like with legally dodgy sex stuff like BDSM, where as long as you do it in private, it's okay?

>>460697

>say "I am planning to drown the politician Jacob Rees Mogg in raw sewage"

That'd be an offence under Section 4 of the Public Order Act 1986. If you did it online, it'd be an offence under Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003.

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1986/64/section/4

https://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/21/section/127

>>460697

Threats can be made against an absent third person and still be an offence. You don't have to tell that person to their face.

A friend's son got a community sentence for making violent threats against a teacher he hated... in his whatsapp status message. Somebody spotted it and called the school, and they got the authorities involved. Nobody wants a school shooting, even if it was just an obscure empty threat by a misguided teenlad.

>>460698

Is there a difference bwtween saying "I want to " versus "I'm planning to" for example? Is it any different to say it on Twitter or the local pub, versus saying it here, or in my mate's garden?

I am being quite facetious but at the same time it does feel like an infringement of basic liberty if I (and that one ultra-violentlad) can't talk about grotesquely harming conservative politicians on a small imageboard, which is for all intents and purposes about the same thing as just saying it to one of my mates over a beer.

(I'm deliberately using conservative politicians as a reference because it's surprisingly often lefties who are all aboard for this sort of thing and even sometimes seem to view the very concept of free speech as some sort of right wing dogwhistle. Very perplexing I think.)

>>460700

Online, it would be for the court to decide whether your message had a "menacing character". In any real-life context other than a private house, the legal test would be whether "that person is likely to believe that such violence will be used or it is likely that such violence will be provoked". In either case, you're only safe from the law if it's clear to any reasonable person that you don't actually intend to commit violence or incite someone else to commit violence.

One of the key test cases for the Communications Act s.127 was R v Chambers. He was convicted of the offence for tweeting "Crap! Robin Hood airport is closed. You've got a week and a bit to get your shit together otherwise I'm blowing the airport sky high!!". That conviction was upheld at appeal, but later overturned by the High Court. Unless it's absolutely obvious that you're only joking, you're on shaky ground legally.

>>460701

>Unless it's absolutely obvious that you're only joking, you're on shaky ground legally.

True. And even then, just don't. With the whole climate of militant daft woggery and public violence the last 20 years, authorities will err on the side of caution. And who can blame them. Would you want to be responsible for another bus bombing or school shooting because you didn't take somebody's threats seriously. And even if it becomes absolutely obvious in an investigation that you had neither the actual intent nor the means to put your threats into practice, we can't have people just doing those sorts of things.

>>460703

I think it would be pretty interesting to see how the data holds up if we could somehow see how many daft militant wog acts were stopped because police responded to online threats, versus how many happened anyway, versus how many happened and the daft militant wogs weren't bloody thick enough to announce on Twitter that they're about to do a bombing.

Of course I understand the position it puts the authorities in to respond, or at least, be seen to respond, to this type of thing. But I have my doubts if it's actually an at all effective use of their time, especially when anyone you speak to nowadays who has had experience with the plod will remark how little they do about "real" (ie burglary, mugging, theft, and so on) crimes.

Slightly concerned that my dream woman might be a flump in lingerie.

Don't prompt the AI with that, it might awaken something in me.

>>460704

I don't think you can actually prevent many daft militant wog attacks by going after people who make threats on their facebook page or whatsapp status. It's probably a bit like people who kill themselves. Somebody who will keep whinging about how he hates life and just wants to end it all probably isn't the kind of person who'll do it. Speaking from experience in my own family, somebody may not give any obvious clues at all to the people around him, even when he's already got a section of rope in the boot of his car that he later verifiably used to hang himself.

daft militant wogs with even a minimum of sophistication will go out of their way to keep their plans secret, cover their tracks and obfuscate any traces of their actions. And I'm sure the bulk of countermilitant daft woggery work then still consists of keeping watch on people who raise flags and/or fit a profile, and infiltrating potential daft militant wog groups. None of the 9/11 daft militant wogs or 7/7 bombers had announced their plans on their geocities webring or their facebook page (can you imagine an Al-Quaeda webring). I know that since Anders Breivik's attacks in Norway, authorities in most countries keep a closer eye on people buying hazardous substances in bulk, and by following those leads, that's probably one way of how they catch people today who are actually planning a daft militant wog attack.

Then again, on paper, Breivik was a registered vegetable farmer. The buying of ammonium nitrate wasn't regulated in Norway at the time, but ordering bags of it under the pretense of using them for his growing business probably helped him stay under the radar even more.

>Lisa Cameron, the SNP MP who defected to the Conservative party on Thursday, said she and her family have been forced to go into hiding in Scotland after she was threatened with being “bricked” in the street.

>Cameron, her husband and their two daughters have moved to a secret location in the Scottish countryside after the MP was emailed threats of violence, including “I hope someone throws a brick at you in the street”, “I hope you burn” and “Think your mental health is bad now – wail til you see what abuse and nastiness yer [sic] going to have to put up with”.

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2023/oct/13/lisa-cameron-snp-mp-who-defected-to-tories-forced-into-hiding

>The family of Captain Sir Tom Moore say they have received death threats and been left feeling "devastated" by negative reactions to them. Speaking on TalkTV's Piers Morgan Uncensored, the captain's daughter said: "There is a forum… they were all discussing how they were going to come and kill us all in our beds."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-67099214

So do these counts as actual threats or not?

>>460709

Legally, it doesn't matter. Section 127 of the Communications Act 2003 states (in part):

A person is guilty of an offence if he sends by means of a public electronic communications network a message or other matter that is grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character.

All of those messages seem to be quite obviously menacing, in the plainest sense of the word. "I hope someone throws a brick at you in the street" might be playful banter if it's between friends, but it would obviously be menacing if a stranger said it to you. Whether the police have the resources to investigate or the CPS have the resources to prosecute is another matter, but all the quotes you've given clearly meet the threshold for prosecution and all of those people are at risk of being made an example of.

>>460711

> indecent, obscene

That sounds a bit wishy washy. It could be almost anything.

>>460721
The House of Commons Library contains a book that enumerates all the things that are illegal to say. It's not published more widely because, obviously, that would be obscene.

>>460728
Then it must be in the British Library. Someone determined enough could export that writing.

>>460728

That almost seems like a breach of nulla poena sine lege certa.

At least the cold snap means my tap water is more refreshing.

I've begun to notice that after heavy rain the weather becomes noticible cooler, as though it's kicking down a gear from summer, one storm at a time. Only 2 weeks ago it was roughly 19 degrees at night, now it's down to 15 where I'm at.
I've never noticed these cooling milestones before.
According to what I've been told here, I guess the rain literally cools the earth. It's somewhat difficult for me to believe it like that, to be honest. For some reason I doubt the earth can actually hold that level of heat .. but then again it is under the sun all day every day, so yeah.

None of you have ever mentioned studying or practicing law, so I can only assume you're regularly in the dock as the accused and that's where you got all this legal knowledge.

>>460760
Big coats, big socks, big fun. I had a few years of enjoying the Summer months more, but I've gone one-eighty and I'm back repping the Winter massive now.

>>460760
In the summer hot summer the other year I got in the habit of chilling water in the fridge - I even bought a special carafe for the purpose. But now I can't go back to regular tap water. It's like luke warm dog piss now.

As well as collecting fluff in my bellybutton, it's now starting to gather where my shoulders meet thanks to my ever increasing back hair.

I've always lived in relatively modern places where I take good heating and insulation for granted, so it's weird when I read all the rudgwick posts about people living like it's the 1890s and talking about how they spend the winter sat wearing mittens with hot water bottles down their jumper. But now I live in a bit of an outdated 70s ex-council flat, so I'm going to have to strategise. Min/max my heating, you could say.

I'm going to try and make it through only turning half the radiators on. I'll only be heating my bedroom, living room, and office. The kitchen and bathroom will get pretty cold, they already are, but it's a waste of money running the heating in those rooms all the time anyway. Not only do I spend the least time in them, but they seem to have the worst insulation, the weakest radiators, and I can keep the rest of the place noticeably warmer just by keeping their doors shut. Besides the heat from the cooker is plenty if I'm cooking, and I'm only ever in the bathroom for 5-10 minutes at a time.

It's not quite half the power usage but maybe 3/5ths as much if I have the ones in the kitchen, bathroom and hallway on, so unless prices jump again I should start to get the bill down compared to last year. I just hope I won't have to cave and turn the rest of the heaters on if it gets really nasty in January and February.

>>460770
I am warm enough after walking home from work that I still haven't put my heating on. I did put on slippers, but that worked out a treat when there was a massive spider two inches from my foot in the kitchen and I was armed and ready to stomp on it.

I paid £3250 for a new boiler in June/July. I will be grateful at some point, but right now, this is the time of year when I feel like I could have just thrown that money in the bin.

>>460771
My new boiler just failed the first time it was asked to run the radiators. It's been running hot water fine for its 3 months, but it can't respond to requests for radiator heat. Arse. I've just been on the phone answering inane questions that I understand the need for, and would be delighted if I was just being a fuckwit somehow, but it does seem to not be working. And it's so thoroughly under warranty that I can't really fiddle.

>>460772

I had a similar problem a while ago here. It turned out the 3-way valve was stuck. It can happen over the warm months, when you don't need the radiators and the valve motor doesn't move the valve. It can happen even on a newly installed valve, if they didn't flush the system before installing your new boiler and you've still got years of gunk in it. Which they often don't do because it can take hours.

You can check yourself without voiding your warranty. Shut off the boiler's mains switch and look for the 3-way valve unit, which should look similar to picture related. Unscrew the motor on top of it with your hand, and then use the flat side of a large flathead screwdriver to try to push down the valve pin, which will have a spring around it. The valve pin should spring back with ease. If it doesn't, then take the time to keep pushing the pin in and out for a few minutes, until it moves freely with little force.

Put the motor back on, turn on the boiler mains switch, and see if warm water now flows into the radiators. If it doesn't, then it could be that the valve motor has burned out due to the stuck valve pin. It should be covered under your warranty.

I've just done about 50 star jumps followed by 20 squats. I could do with creating an exercise jroutine for when I'm WFH. Maybe I should get one of those keep fit DVDs.

>>460774

Last year I got in a good routine of push ups and sit ups, and within just a couple of months I could feel a difference. My grilfriend was a skinny ex-druggie street rat who barely weighed anything, but I went from struggling to pick her up at all, to being able to carry her in one arm and really throw her about when we fucked.

Do bodyweight stuff like push ups, and the inverse where you pull yourself up underneath a desk. Fill some empty milk jugs with water and use them as makeshift weights to add resistance when you do your routine. I eventually bought some actual weights and resistance bands, but you can do a very reasonable fitness routine that actually makes a difference without spending a penny.

Obviously I'm not built like Schwarzenegger or anything from basic exercise like that, but the difference between skinnyfat couch potato and where I'm at now is honestly amazing. I cannot overstate how valuable doing a bit of exercise really is, after years of neglecting it.

>>460775
I've got weights at home. I try to use them Monday, Wednesday and Friday so I'm looking to do a bit of exercising on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

>>460773
Yeah, I poked at the valves - I have 2 as there are 2 zones because reasons. If I flip the levers up, the boiler lights and pushes water around - so the valves aren't stuck and the gearboxes aren't knackered. They're from different manufacturers and eras, so the odds on them having failed simultaneously are lowish - however, they're legacy, so not new with the new boiler, and I expect them to be blamed. Although I do wonder if there's a fuse in their supply, somewhere inside the boiler.
When the thermostats demand heat, the lights on the receiver boxes come on but there's no whirring of valve motor and the boiler never sees the 'valve is open, do your stuff' signal (unless I jam them open)

Just popped into Morrisons for a few bits. Someone had left their 5p off per litre of fuel vouchers at the self checkout, but before I could get them a really sour looking woman working there came along and snatched them away. I guess if I was in my 70s and spending my evenings working in a supermarket I'd be pretty miserable, but she was a right jobsworth.

Hmm, just ran the numbers on this and it turns out if you spend £30 ten times it's £300. Can anyone check my working?

I think I'm going to leave my job. It's probably a bad idea, but I can't face another Winter telling pensioners their energy bills really are that high. It's already starting, I'm already angry at myself. I pass the baton to you, otherlad, to be the site's preeminent call centre monkey energy specialist.

A neighbours sewerage thing is blocked and the smell is carrying on thewind into my house (literally two large ventilation holes in the bathroom walls). It took me a day to realise where the smell was coming from and how to control its spread, during which time I'd slept with the smell permeating my home. Now I'm ill with a stuffed up head, blocked nose and shit - don't know if it's related but fuck.

An ex-girlfriend bought me a sex-toy with instructions. Nothing fancy, she bought me a blowjob toy and I only used it once or twice because it didn't feel all that great. This is a bit of a grey area though, I understand women don't want to recycle dildos but what about things I put my willy in?

>>460785
I can't speak for otherlad, but I don't want it.

>>460785
A fleshlight with lips?

>>460787
More of a man-milking machine that provides a suction blowjob action. You have three setting (low/mid/oh god it's going to rip my dick off), vibration, warming etc. She bought me it after I showed her my big fleshlight I'd bought during lockdown.

I think we already covered this before but I'll reiterate that it's a lot of faff and your hand is always superior.

I have a theory. There's two types of sex toy, fundamentally. Ones that supplement sex, and ones that are meant to replace sex when you can't get it. The former are enjoyable, the latter are always shit and inferior to your hands.

Women have more luck with their dildos and vibrators, but for men it's always worse than just having a wank. However that's not because of any inherent difference with the toys, it's because most women are shit at wanking, just like they're shit at reverse bay parking and being comedians.

It's the fundamental difference between the sexes. Men take matters into their own hands. Women rely on assistance.

>>460789
I think more research needs to be done into enhancing the humble wank. Special wanking lotions should be normalised.

If they invented a sex toy that was self-cleaning and automatically got rid of my spunk for me, I'd probably invest in one. Otherwise, yes, it's better to just use your hands and aim somewhere safe.

>>460632
Was this place down for a few weeks? I'd feared you'd gone forever

>>460792
No; we’ve been here pretty consistently for the past few years. Were you in a foreign country? Our outstanding post quality is assured due to a variety of obscure rules that block smelly foreigners from posting here.

>>460792
Imagine getting banned from dot-gee-ess of all places, let alone outing yourself as a victim of mod abuse wrong-un.

(A good day to you Sir!)

I realise I'm about to call Channel Five clever, but they're currently broadcasting a programme about Aldi and for a segment on their imitation knock-off brands they had Jason Manford's brother present it. Tickled me, it did.

>>460795

It's two layers deep if you think about it, Jason Manford is already a knock-off Peter Kay himself.

I've got a terrible headache and I'm not sure if it's because of too much drugs or not enough drugs.

>>460796
That's just anti-north sentiment. Anti-northwest if you're one of those Yorkshire freaks.

>>460798

Correct, it is white rose on red rose hostility.

Manc accents make me want to chew my own cock off.

>>460799
Ah, yes, performative displeasure, a Yorkshire staple.

As a southern fairy, I never liked Scouse accents (as heard exclusively from the northern monkeys in Snatch) but Molly McCann won me over.

A posh Northern accent shits all over a posh Southern accent. It’s just so much nicer, plus it pronounces “bath” correctly. Other than that, I’m afraid most Northern accents are awful. Scouse accents are notorious (although the narration for Thomas the Tank Engine was nice, both Ringo Starr and that other one), Manc accents are the ones they always use on TV when they want to patronise you with an accent that sounds “just like you”, and Yorkshire people are genuinely into the perverse inverted snobbery and 19th-century view of class war that Mancunians are placed on the BBC to imply. So I’m afraid I hate you all. The best Northern accent, if I really had to pick, would probably be Blackburn, but I’ve never been there so maybe they don’t have the lovable purring sound in real life.

>>460802

The Northern Accent is literally the M62 corridor. Subtle variations but you can hear how they are all sort of a spectrum of the same one. Manchester/Lancashire accents are just Yorkshire accents spoken by people with degenerative genetic disorders.

The one true Northern accent, if I had to pick an example to preserve on a NASA time capsule to send to space, would be the Rhubarb Triangle variant. But you two know its obvious supremacy already.

Scouse and Geordie aren't northern, they're their own thing.

West Country, Scouse, Geordie, Barnsley make for the best dirty talk. Posh birds seem vanilla in comparison.

>>460804

>>460804
Posh birds talking dirty is like despoiling fragrant rose petals by rubbing your cock in them; northern birds it's dirty like fucking an exhaust pipe.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-67141869

Glad to see we're dealing with the real problems in this country.

>>460807
It'll be of no surprise to anyone that support was spread fairly evenly across the major parties.

The average age of an MP is still 50 with more MPs between the ages of 50 to 59 than any other bracket.

We can't stop pearl-clutching old cunts getting voted in by other pearl-clutching old cunts. It's just a waiting game until they kick the bucket and we can turn Skegness into the Amsterdam of the north as the prophecies fortold.

>>460806
EEH, YA SPUNKY LITTLE TART.

>>460807
If people now have to go and see proper drug dealers to get laughing gas does this mean they're probably going to have harder drugs pushed on them?

>>460807
I have a feeling this would never have become an issue if the fuckers didn't leave little the canisters everywhere. I've seen them just dumped right next to bins and going around Shoreditch one summer seeing the street carpeted.

It's like chewing gum. As a species we're just not ready for the technology.

>>460810
I keep having to tell my housemate to be subtle about his drug use and that it's not a problem unless he makes it a problem. Such as by, say, dropping a joint in the hallway at the bottom of the stairs for all to see, or leaving a bong that's clearly been used in full view in the lounge.

>>460811
My mother-in-law used to have weed dealers living next door and a lot of their customers weren't even remotely subtle when they went round to buy drugs.

>>460811

When I was still living in a flat, the lad below me would burn one on the balcony every other night, especially in summer when it was warm outside and you wanted to enjoy the evening on the balcony. There was always that whiff of cannabis coming up. I asked him politely a few times to stop doing it, or do it during the day (he was mostly unemployed), but half the time he would give me completely incoherent answers because he was high, and at other times he would get verbally abusive. I actually said one time, "I could call the police, you know". To which he said "Or you could just get fucked". Fair point.

Things keep going wrong for me lately, and as part of this, I noticed that the Viz cryptic crossword has got harder this month and I would probably only get three or four answers, even though I try to enter it every single issue. Several hours later, I have finished it and I didn't even have to look up any of the answers. Fuck yeah. I am a king.

I bet if I topped myself there's a small chance I'd wake up in 2007 NYC with a wife who looks like Lorna Morgan and is studying for her PhD. I could be the first guy to stop wearing boot cut jeans and still not know LCD Soundsystem played that NFT concert. Perhaps I am simply imagining heaven.

I procrastinated all week on a job because I'd convinced myself it would be easy. So tonight I had to stay up all night doing it because I actually looked at what was required. I'm convinced I'll be making all the exact same mistakes when I'm 50.

If you remember someone posting about messaging a retired musician they used to fancy the pants off on LinkedIn - well she came back to me this morning with a lovely message, letting me know that my job sounds super interesting and that maybe our paths will cross again some day. Not sure I can follow that up without being a bore but my inner teen is very jealous and I'll just pretend I'm going to have her babies like any normal well-adjusted person would.

>>460815
Sounds like rose-tinted glasses. Do you really want to go back to 240p youtube videos and happy slapping?

>>460817
Hasn't the quality of the content on YouTube gone down since then. Don't you miss the old internet?

>>460817
>>460818
No offence, but I wasn't hoping to wake up next to my beautiful wife, in one of the cultural capitals of the world, just so I could watch "Evolution of Dance" and "Numa Numa" on a YouTube that had the description box on the right again.

>>460817

> and happy slapping?

We definitely need to bring that back.

I've made a bit of an enemy of nostalgia, even when I was younger I could see how it trapped people. Maybe it's just a sign that my life has gradually improved over time, but I genuinely can't think of a time I'd prefer to return to other than this one. I've had lovely moments, but I wouldn't roll back the clock personally.

>>460815
>Lorna Morgan

Ah, a man of taste.

>>460821

>I've made a bit of an enemy of nostalgia, even when I was younger I could see how it trapped people.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_QtR7MY6HE

It's the middle of the morning and you're off school sick. You're stuck watching BBC Schools because it's the only thing on TV that isn't for grown ups. El Nombre and Little Juan are currently in an escapade which can only be resolved with the proper application of mathematics. Maybe around lunch you'll get to watch something less educational, like Penny Crayon or The Family-Ness as a brief treat.

>>460826

I vividly remember shitting myself during an episode of Numbertime. Mercifully, I was off sick.

>>460826
It's a total scandal that they don't show educational children's TV any more. Do they even still make Look & Read?

At work today my colleague asked how old I was. Told him early thirties. He was shocked and thought I was 25ish. Is this a win or does it just mean I still dress like a student?

>>460829

I'd take it as a win.

>>460826
I forgot about El Nombre. Shame I remember nothing much of the program, not even the theme song.
What about that magic pencil, huh? Remember that? [/Peter Kay reference].

>>460832

I remember Auntie Mabel flying around in her own personal prop plane with her dog in the back seat gave me unrealistic expectations of adulthoold, particularly when you come from a working class background.

>>460832
>not even the theme song.
El Nombre! El No-o-o-ombreeeeeee! Writing numbers in the polar sand! El No-ombre!

But it was part of some other programme, about which I too remember nothing. The magic pencil was many years earlier, in something else. It had a light on the back. Even now I remember the voice chanting, "Top, to bottom, touch and flick - then across." I have to trace it in my mind to know what that chant was about, and I presume it was how to write the letter T.

One thing I really want to know was how I can rewatch the Angle Dance, a bizarre avant-garde electronica performance with lots of dry ice that probably taught me about angles.

>>460834

This?

>>460835
Yes!!! Or at least, it must be. I remember the oddly-dressed man and his unsettling jerky movements, but in my head the song was much slower and frightened me a lot more. Thank you so much for that.

But then, I was an exceptionally thick child as it turns out. Every episode of El Nombre was the exact same video, dubbed over with slightly different dialogue each time and with a different number animation. And I never noticed.

>>460834
>>460832
Aren't you both describing Words and Pictures (Plus) or was that summat else entirely?

>>460837
I've been reading Wikipedia about all of this. Words and Pictures was a spin-off of Look & Read which started in 1970. That's the thing with the magic pencil, and allegedly also gave El Nombre his debut. However, El Nombre is better known from Number Time (1993-2001), where he became such an enduring character that he eventually got his own spin-off (2001-2003) from there.

And, while "El Nombre" in Spanish actually means "The Name" rather than "The Number", it does in fact mean "The Number" in Catalan.

All of my personalised ads are for plus-sized lingerie and it's ruining my life. How am I supposed to get anything done when I'm constantly being teased with big meaty thighs?

>>460869
I haven't had that even though I was looking at Snag tights the other day to recommend pairs to my girlfriend.

>>460838
Yes Wikipedia is where I first heard of this El Nombre spinoff, and from what I understand it had nothing to do with counting anymore, so what was the point?

>>460838
Hopefully Look and Read is where you lads learned about "magic E".

>>460871
He branched out gradually. After teaching me to count to ten, he also started teaching me about shapes, and then angles, and at some point someone started adding storylines and supporting characters. I don't remember exactly when I decided El Nombre had strayed too far from his kindergarten numeracy roots to still be worth watching, but I know I stayed long past the number 10.

It's too early to be up. The darkness outside doesn't help.

>>460879

I'd have a lot more confidence in my antidepressants if they looked like 90s pingers.

How far in advance should I look to book a holiday? I know people who are just about to sort their summer 2025 holiday, I guess so they can spread the payment out over the next couple of years.

>>460883

>How far in advance should I look to book a holiday?

I'd make it depend on how flexible you are with your work schedule or other commitments. You can get great last minute discounts if your time frame is two to three weeks, maybe four, but not everybody can do that. Early booking has something like a six- to eight month time frame, and you can also get good discounts.

If you self-book your hotel, flight and maybe a hire car, then in my experience the sweet spot is between three and five weeks, especially during off- or pre-season.

If you're like me and you don't like big crowds and you're going to a classic tourist destination like Majorca or Tenerife, then pre-season is a good idea, between about early May and mid-June. Many things will be cheaper to attract tourists at all.

What the fuck. Browsing for guitar parts and just found out reborn baby dolls are a thing.

>>460888
'not a real baby'. Well, fuck that, I'll keep looking.
The whole scene is full of deeply odd / troubled people. I'm sure there are some sane ones, not met one yet.

>>460888
Got this article when I googled.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/feb/26/reborn-doll-baby-lifelike-collecting-women

I don't want to judge these women - I've come across weirder hobbies than what is essentially continuing to play with dolls as an adult - but the one who made an entire room of her house into a nursery for that lump of silicone may be taking it a little too far.

>>460888
They're very much a thing, huge industry and bizarre as fuck.

>>460888

That... seems mentally unhealthy. I'm not sure why. It just does.

>>460893
It's the female equivalent of a dakimakura. No, I don't know what a dakimakura is; stop asking. I've never even heard that word before. Leave me alone.

>>460896

Is a Dakimakura a potental method of coping with kitting out a room for an unexpected stillbirth?

Haha just kidding, I know it's just a weeb term for a Dutch Wife, which is itself a term for a Southeast Asian device to prevent yourself waking up all sticky with sweat if you sleep on your side in a hot climate.

I won't judge you if you have a Miku Hatsune one where she has a monstercock on the other side.

Ended up getting my bum licked last night. It didn't really do anything for me, but it was very brief because it turns out it was a fantasy that should have stayed in her head.

I've sussed out where our health services are failing.

It's not the useless, doddering cunts they staff the GP practices with. How can you fuck up being a receptionist? They somehow manage.

>>460899

>How can you fuck up being a receptionist?

You don't have to be highly trained to become a receptionist. Which is probably part of the problem.

https://www.healthcareers.nhs.uk/explore-roles/wider-healthcare-team/roles-wider-healthcare-team/administration/receptionist

>There are no set entry requirements to become a receptionist. Employers usually expect good literacy, numeracy and IT skills. They may ask for GCSEs or equivalent qualifications.

Where the fuck is the climate change thread?

My street is flooded, about a foot. Nearby streets have flooded worse, and other villages worse still. Apparently there're cars underwater, even homes flooded to the ceiling in places.

It's really quite interesting (and fun) to witness - thankfully my home is yet unaffected but for a blocked toilet, though the garden is seeping up.
There's a great atmosphere of wonder and amazement on the street, between the frustration and despair of the unlucky people. It's great to see the community come together, distributing the few sandbags available, and actually chatting and joking with one another. I spoke to random people learning a little of the area in a way I've never done before.

It'd be great to be one of those proactive types who help organise and manage the damage, like those people delivering sandbags. I thought to try and get a bucket chain going using the plentiful wheely bins littering the street, but I think it'll only shift the problem rather than solve it.

Counter to that you've got the types who're sandbagging their homes dispite already being above the water level, when those resources could be better used else where Oh well.

The town has seen this coming for years. Hell, I thought about buying sandbags myself but never bothered.

FYI water will raise through your garden earth as it levels out in other areas - something to be aware of when building rudimentary barriers to your home.

>>460899
It needs more investment, but we can’t have more investment because tax receipts are too low because the average employee is so unproductive. If we can fix the economy, the NHS will fix itself. But the only person brave to admit this was Liz Truss, and her plans for fixing the economy were comically unsuccessful.

>>460903

>>460902
>Where the fuck is the climate change thread?

It's still there. Anything to do with Israel/Hamas or eskimos and LGBT people was nuked.

>>460902

Just another reason I'm glad to live in a third floor flat. On top of a huge fuck off hill.

I'm amazed there hasn't been more flooding this year though, it feels like it hasn't stopped raining for more than a day or two at a time since July. Truly biblical, I don't remember a wetter year in my entire life. It has not fucking stopped.

>>460899
>How can you fuck up being a receptionist?

I absolutely would fuck up being a receptionist. They don't just sit at a desk looking pretty all day but are engaged in the admin of the entire organisation while at the same time dealing with the so-called general public, a vile and sinister daft militant wog organisation that numbers in the billions.

And even on the basic job; would you like to see me in saucy office attire, maybe feel my hairy bum at the Christmas party? I know I wouldn't.

>>460907
I actually know a doctor’s receptionist and she’s a nice person. I was shocked. It must just be the job that turns people into horrible bitches, like being Home Secretary.

Is it normal for people in a workplace to shit talk colleagues behind their backs? There's one guy I work with, who wasn't in today, and everyone was saying nasty stuff about him. Even my manager joined in. It makes me worry if they shit talk me when I'm not in.

>>460909

Yes. It's the only thing that keeps people sane.

>>460910

Can confirm. Unfortunately.

Thick skin, is the only thing that helps.

I decided to try get back in a "work out" routine last night. I did a similar thing last year and stuck with it for quite a while, until the stress and hassle of moving house threw me off. My entire body aches, good grief.

Hopefully I'll be fitter than ever by next spring though. Not going to waste the good half of the year like I did this year.

My desk chair is giving up the ghost, having lost one of its 5 legs and now a seperate wheel. £80, 2 years, I guess it's not that bad, only having to replace things so regularly is becoming annoying.

Is it weird if you haven't had a drop of alcohol in months?

I remember the last time was a beer or two at a barbecue party in early July. Since then, not a drop.

It's kind of a general trend for me since the pandemic. I've always mainly been a social drinker, and drinking on my own at home has always felt like a waste of time. And with pubs closed and social distancing, there just weren't a lot of opportunities to get drunk during covid. And now, I don't even enjoy social drinking that much anymore.

>>460914

No. What's weird is that non-drinkers are expected to explain why they're a non-drinker, in a way that doesn't really apply to any other drug. A certain kind of drinker will give you shit about it, mind.

Post-pandemic, we've seen a real polarisation of drinking behaviours. On one end of the spectrum, a lot of social drinkers like you got out of the habit of drinking during lockdown. On the other end, a lot of people went totally off the rails because they were locked in their house with spare cash and no need to get up early in the morning. I'm not sure that it'll all drift back to how it was, particularly because Gen Z were going off booze well before the pandemic.

>>460914
I've had the same for a long-time. When I have to fill out an online medical form I still mark that I drink, but then it asks me how many units in a week which is a quite binary way for the NHS to look at it.

A big part of it for me is the cost. It's not much but at the same time it is.

Went to watch my daughter's harvest festival this morning. They didn't sing Cauliflowers Fluffy, the only primary school banger was Conkers. Broken Britain.

>>460914
To the best of my memory I've only had alcohol three times this year. I'll probably have it a couple of times around Christmas, but I expect that to be it. On the rare occasions that my friends and I have the same weekend free, if they're getting drunk they want to get smashed and I don't know if the hangover is worth it anymore.

>>460915

>On the other end, a lot of people went totally off the rails because they were locked in their house with spare cash and no need to get up early in the morning.

https://www.nihr.ac.uk/news/shift-in-drinking-patterns-during-covid-19-could-lead-to-150000-more-cases-of-disease-in-england-by-2035/30717

It actually looks like alcoholism has become worse for many people since the start of the pandemic.

>During the pandemic there has been an increase in the number of higher risk drinkers in England, and the heaviest drinkers have increased their alcohol consumption the most, bringing a risk of more alcohol-related health problems.

Again, the pandemic had the opposite effect on me. It made me realise that I practically don't need alcohol in my life at all. I was always only an occasional drinker, although I had my wild days as a younglad. But it turns out I can have just as much fun without it. In that sense, maybe it was always just a habit and part of my weekend routine. You went somewhere with friends, and you would order pints or cocktails because everybody was doing it. Nobody was questioning the wisdom of it.

Also, the morning after isn't what it used to be. The older you get, the harder it becomes. Unless you're a proper alcoholic, you just can't handle the kinds of quantities anymore that were no problem when you were 20. Which is why reducing your alcohol intake when you hit middle age is a good idea any way you look at it.

>>460914
>>460915

I'm one of those people who has tried nearly every drug going. I'd never call myself a non-drinker, because it would just be a lie, I love a drink and I probably always will; I have had periods where I'm drinking very heavily and regularly, but there are still plenty of times in my life I've been practically tee-total for months at a time. Sometimes you just don't have a need to, so you don't. I must have gone over a year during the pandemic without touching anything.

To me the key thing is to remember that most drugs are social drugs. Some more than others, but ironically I think it's the most compulsive ones that have the least to offer you in a solitary context. You can have a joint on your own and play some videogames and watch a film, and it'll enhance the experience, but why would you want to sit and pound back beers in your living room with nobody to talk to? It's miles more fun with a few mates. You can have a nice introspective solo experience with psychedelics, but why would you actually want to sit and bash through a bag of coke by yourself in front of the telly? It'd just be a waste.

All things in moderation I reckon. I don't think there's anything inherently problematic about alcohol as long as you are honest with yourself about when and why you drink, and I feel like keeping it mostly to social occasions is a very good barometer of that. My ex was a good example how you shouldn't treat alcohol- There were a few occasions she got ratty at me if I tried to persuade her not to have a drink when there was no reason to. I might have been the heavier drinker/drug user overall, but the difference is I never did it out of compulsion, she would drink solely because she felt she "needed" it.

Some people just have that kind of personality where they aren't capable of moderation though I guess. They have to go 100% straight edge sober to stay off it for good, or else they'll be at it every chance they get, with no inbetween.

I'm a massive retard and have had to turn to Stepchange to get me out of debt. One of my debts is Paypal Credit. Turns out that until that debt gets paid off, I can't use Paypal at all. I understand not using the credit, that's obvious. But I can't check out through Paypal using my own bank card. I know I'm silly for getting into this situation, but that seems quite extreme given how Paypal is like the standard for online purchases.

>>460920
Stop buying shit online if you're in debt.

>>460921
What if I need essentials like jeans? Jeans are much cheaper online than in store.

>>460923
You're surely trolling, or just not the person who posted the problem. Go to a charity shop if you want cheap. And you should already have jeans if they're essential.

It's alright if you're a massive retard, but don't push it. I've never used PayPal in my life, and it's never stopped me from engaging in materialistic binges both on and offline, so I'm frankly astonished.

>>460924

Don't be harsh lad. How do you know what got otherlad into debt to begin with? Are you going to tell us you've never done something stupid you've later come to regret? It's good that he's taking steps to deal with it, no need to be a cunt.

>>460920
>given how Paypal is like the standard for online purchases.

It's not and hasn't been for at least a decade. You should be able to handle almost any online transaction with visa now.

>Kick and OnlyFans star Amouranth has revealed her new business venture.

>After selling her farts in jars as well as her bath water, you'd think she had come up with all the ways to give her fans a piece of her. However, a beer company is certainly upping the ante by creating a new flavor that uses the streamer's yeast. And yes, it's yeast from her vagina.

https://www.unilad.com/celebrity/news/amouranth-beer-company-create-flavor-using-her-yeast-158465-20231026

Vaginal yeast beer. I'm not saying I want to be a woman, but I really wish I was in a position to take advantage of thirsty simps with more money than sense.

Remind me not to let my cat finish off a plate of baked beans. Fucking hell, the stinky bastard.

I feel like I need a new hobby. I can't decide between being racist against southern Europeans, or trying cock and ball torture.

>>460941
People who choose one probably do the other.

>>460942

If you're getting your bellend whacked and you're calling someone a dago, you're probably doing a performance art piece.

Hit your cock with a big rubber mallet so it makes a "wop!" sound. Now that's proper multitasking right there.

>>460944

My foreskin makes a sort of "spic" sound when I'm wanking furiously, so I'm halfway there already.

I fucking hate all this rainy weather.

Is it possible to clean the pages of a book? I picked up a few second-hand Iain M Banks books today but a couple of them look like they've been held by someone with something like curry sauce on their fingers. I'm deliberating whether to rub the sides with a slightly damp cloth but I don't know if a) it'd damage the book or b) it would make them any cleaner.

>>461026

Covers are generally water-resistant and can be wiped down with a damp cloth. The paper inside isn't, so stains soak in and water tends to just spread the stain over a wider area. You could try an ordinary pencil eraser or a melamine sponge, which won't completely remove a stain but can lessen the appearance; anything else you try will probably just make matters worse.

I haven't entirely thought this through, but do you reckon selling treasure maps would be a cool business idea? I was thinking yesterday how cool it would be to have an actual treasure map. I could sell the map and have some actual buried treasure at the end you have to dig up. I know there's shit like geocaching, but no way will that be as cool as an actual physical treasure map with an X marking the spot where you get to dig up the treasure at the end.

>>461035
not a bad idea really, could be the 'next big thing' like escape rooms were

>>461035

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masquerade_%28book%29

Looking forward to a storm.

>>461037

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oak_Island_mystery

BBC News has just broadcast the phrase "useless fuckpigs". Deep joy.

>>461040
In what context?

>>461041

https://twitter.com/Mrbaiti/status/1719332540698226991

Isn't one of the implicit rules of Halloween that you only go trick or treating at houses which have decorations out for it? We've had three groups knocking at the door and two of them, where we could hear very small children outside, started banging quite aggressively because we didn't answer.

>>461044

If you knock on the houses with decorations, you'll only get sweets. The houses with no decorations might give you a quid to piss off.

You actually get £75 on Alan Carr's Epic Gameshow for spelling "necessary" correctly.

Who really falls at that hurdle.

>>461035
The Environment Agency won't take kindly to creative littering or people digging all over the place.

>>461044
No, I've never heard of this rule. In fact it's quite strongly implied that your home will soon be the target of vandalism.

I miss having mates and a girlfriend to do things with on Halloween. Even if by "doing things" I just mean ordering pizza and watching a couple of films.

I mean I am doing just that anyway, but I am feeling quite lonely about it.

There's a faint whiff of dog poo coming from the underside of my shoes right now as I'm sitting in the livingroom. I just can't be arsed to take them off and do something about it.

>>461049

Shoes off in the house.

>>461048

Treat yourself to a whole bag of Haribo and a wank.

>>461048
I miss coronavirus, when I absolutely knew that my friends weren't all doing something fun without me. I suspect I might be mental or pathetic, but since I have a tendency to be friends with deadbeats and parasites, and I don't think I have ever been romantically involved with anyone at Halloween, I don't really have enough of a data set to properly figure it out.

United Utilities think I still live in my old flat as well as my new house, and they've been sending bills there. I told them to stop and they said they'd sort it out, but the bailiffs who were hassling me are still hassling me over an unknown bill that I don't even need to pay. Do either of you have any tips? Should I reply to their messages and tell them it's sorted, or is that a super no-no like inviting them into your house? Will they give me CCJs and things before they come to see me, or can I just wait for them to rock up and then tell them it's sorted in person?

>>461052
>is that a super no-no like inviting them into your house?

Yes, they're basically Vampires. If you're soft like me and let them in when you moved into a building with eight other households who told them to fuck off, then you'll find yourself paying for communal water-related costs such as rainwater removal for the entire building by yourself. And there's fuck-all to be done if the company has no names and details to chase. In yourcase, you'll have a dogshit time proving that you aren't a quantum occupant, just like how utility companies they don't give a shite if they're cutting off the supply to an address previously occupied by a dead bloke with no relatives to inform them. They just want the dosh. You might be able to get them off their arses if you write to the Guardian, but you must either have a posh name and live near Salisbury or Harrogate, or be acting on behalf of an elderly relative with Dementia from your humble farmhouse in Tuscany.

>>461052

In any situation like this - inaccurate bills, identity theft, that sort of thing - the quickest route is usually to ignore customer service and go straight to the organisation's Data Protection Officer. Every company that processes personal data is required by law to appoint a Data Protection Officer and they have the duty to ensure that the company is compliant with data protection law. You can typically find the contact details for this person by searching their corporate website for something like "data protection officer", "data protection" or "privacy policy".

You should state what information they hold about you that is inaccurate (i.e. that you owe them money) and cite your right to rectification under Article 16 of the GDPR. If they don't promptly address the issue, you should make a complaint to the Information Commissioner's Office and send a copy of the complaint to the Data Protection Officer.

https://gdpr-info.eu/art-16-gdpr/

DataProtectionandFraud@uuplc.co.uk

https://ico.org.uk/make-a-complaint/

Can't sleep.

Too much coffee again. Fuck.

Giving this another 30 minutes. And then I'll just get up and watch some TV.

First they get rid of the curvy trans girl, then they get rid of the BBW. Big Brother viewers are cunts.

>>461056

>Big Brother

Honestly, why do people still watch that tripe.

I shaved my balls over a week ago and now they're purple. I think it's the short hairs scratching against each other as they regrow.

>>461058
A friend of mine once shaved his arse and said the hair growing back was the most excruciating pain he had ever experienced.

>>461059
It's one of those things where once you start you have to keep at it or you'll get a constant unbearable itch like I'm going through now. I'd never do my arsecrack, but I think I'll keep on shaving the hairs which grow on the underside of the shaft of my penis.

>>460632
Storm Ciaran is lashing it down.

>>461061
Not here it isn't.

>>461061
>>461062


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iv8GW1GaoIc