https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xyjk4sDxnI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4swdGWL8QfQ

Elf on a shelf is back all over Facey. I'd forgotten about that bollocks.

Christmas has come early this year and brought me… jury service! Right up to the 22nd, should be fun filled festive gay auld time.

>>461592
I've probably posted this before but my friend did jury service on a domestic violence case, where he ended up finding him guilty because "he looked like a wrong 'un."

He was in the running to be on the jury for one of those grooming gang cases, I think the ones which Tommy Robinson almost caused to collapse, but didn't get selected for that.

>>461592
Bring a book to read. I was selected for jury duty and they didn't pick me for any cases so I was just sat out in the waiting area bored and never getting called up for anything. I don't know why they didn't pick me. Everyone who came with me got called up, I asked at the counter what was going on and they just said I hadn't been selected yet and to sit down.

I've joined the Euromillions sweepstake at work, so for a fiver I'm gonna get 1/25th of the jackpot. I can't remember the last time I paid for a lottery ticket but I think I've been more motivated by how annoyed I'd be it everyone else in the office won than thinking we've got a realistic chance.

Cliche it may be, but I do love a .gs Christmas.

Work have an advent calendar. Every day, a name is drawn out of the hat for who opens the door. Each door has a prize. The first prize was a bottle of wine.

Also there's a raffle, where you win tickets by doing a good job (following procedures, working during busy periods). Top prize is a £100 Amazon card.

I'm hoping to win big.

This might seem like a daft question, but which side of a cream cracker do you butter?

I always butter the smoother side but when I was growing up my dad would always butter the rougher side and scold me if I'd butter the smoother side. I can't even remember his logic for it.

>>461613
>which side of a cream cracker do you butter?
Butter is a luxury I cant be arsed breaking the cracker with. Just chuck some cheese on it, maybe some pickle beneath the cheese in place.

>>461615
Would an unbuttered cracker have the necessary lubrication for a smooth journey down your throat?

>>461616
If the cheese you put on it is creamy enough, then yeah. Remember to chew.

>>461616>>461617

>>461617
Do people have non-creamy cheese on crackers? Wensleydale, Cheshire and Caerphilly are peak cracker cheese.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wD2LhR1OT8

>>461619
What? Yes. Stilton is a fine cracker cheese, for example. You need to let it fester at room temperature, or slice thinly then mash it on.

Don't forget to eat it cheese-side-down, so your tongue gets the full blast of cheese. 'tis a game changer.

>>461622
I bet Kunt is gutted that LadBaby isn't going for Christmas number one this year. He'll have to think of some other way of generating publicity now.

>>461623
Stilton is a creamy cheese.

They all get creamy at a suitable temperature, though? Even the rubbery buggers. Where do you draw the line?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aPPYOL_6u4

>>461625
>Texture: semi-soft, crumbly, creamier with increasing age

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stilton_cheese

It's a creamy cheese.

Lidl are doing Swedish Kalles Kaviar and crispbread for Christmas.

It's peculiar. Not like it's awful so much as it feels like they've condensed a fishcake down into it's essential fishy flavour. It essentially is. Just replace the fish with cod eggs and design it to last forever using an aluminium tube and a fuck-ton of salt.

>>461615
I'm of the same view. It's far too much work to mess about with butter AND cheese. Only time I'm going to use a butter knife is if I'm doing marmite or peanut butter.

Yeah, you heard me. Marmite on a cracker.

>>461626
>Santa

Christmas is cancelled.

>>461628
>Yeah, you heard me. Marmite on a cracker.
At what point do you just start rubbing salt onto your gums?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z6AnCRjWX0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13JsRhhY16M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYA_ehUzmoQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er_Jd-n3RvA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwlP9F1FEDM

The Guardian have listed their best songs of 2023 and I think I've heard two of them. Guess that means I'm getting old.

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2023/dec/04/the-20-best-songs-of-2023

>>461653
I've never heard a good k-pop song (because there aren't any). I know that's going to rub someone the wrong way, and for literally years I avoided slating the whole "genre" because I assumed I was just being ignorant, but it's all so generic. Combine that with everything I've read about the industry being utterly horrible and I don't know what people get out of it.

>Join the #ImSuperShy challenge

>>461654
I think the lad with yellow fever only has a thing for the Japs, not sure how he feels about Koreans.

>>461655
Wasn't exactly the kind of rubbing I was talking about.

>>461655
I'm not some deranged weeb lunatic. That said, do I need to post THAT plastic surgery before and after picture?

>>461656
Let's rub this one out together then. K-Pop's appeal is partly ironic and partly because it's such a refreshing take to just make an unashamedly wholesome corporate pop-song. Despite the influence of American hip-hop, K-Pop is Korea's answer to Scandinavian synth-pop and should be viewed as such. The joke kind of is that it's dumb and superficial.

>>461658
>K-Pop is Korea’s answer to Scandinavian synth-pop
I’m not him, but you shut your whore mouth right now.

>>461658
There is absolutely nothing "ironic" about the k-pop mega industry. When they tried pushing actual Korean pop in the west it flopped, so they started making western pop with Korean performers. You seem to be describing PC Music, which I'm not going to pretend I haven't enjoyed, but even then the "it's ironic" line is a thin defence. Also I realised everyone involved with that was a turbo-posho and it put me off it. Anyway, there's no "joke" behind k-pop, thinking as much is pure fantasy.

>>461660
>Anyway, there's no "joke" behind k-pop, thinking as much is pure fantasy.

If he's also the lad who kept saying Babymetal are a serious group rather than a gimmick or who posted >>/beat/14153 then he has, perhaps unwittingly, had his head disappear up his own arsehole.

>>461660
The biggest Korean pop song in terms of audience was Gangham Style. I don't think you can do pop in any form without it becoming a little tongue-in-cheek and referencing the absurdity of itself. Do you need a song where they literally say 'dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb'?

>When they tried pushing actual Korean pop in the west it flopped, so they started making western pop with Korean performers

You fucking what. Korean pop is massively influenced by the west and like every other Korean industry has adapted it and exported it out again as one the world's biggest music industries. Go on, say BTS is shit on twitter and see what happens when you've got the teenage girl equivalent of ISIS on you.

>>461661
How did you connect saying K-Pop is a joke to saying a Japanese group being serious?

And if you can't appreciate energetic and discordant music then why are you listening to Japanese youth music?

>>461662
>How did you connect saying K-Pop is a joke to saying a Japanese group being serious?

It's the style of writing. It wouldn't be out of place in pseud's corner.

>>461663
Pseudointellectualism on Britfa.gs? I bet you own a television.

>>461660

>There is absolutely nothing "ironic" about the k-pop mega industry.

Everything that has happened in popular culture since the late 90s has had at least some element of self-conscious postmodern detachment. As we've previously discussed on .gs, a lot of the people behind the scenes in the K-pop industry are sophisticated and capable musicians; the way they go about trying to write a chart hit is fundamentally different to the attitude of amateur opportunists like Stock, Aitken and Waterman.

Over the last few decades, South Korea has undergone rapid and rather turbulent social change. The young starlets in the k-pop music videos only know the highly developed but highly unequal South Korea of today. The middle-aged blokes behind the scenes can remember when the country was dominated by heavy industry and trying to drag itself out of poverty. BTS come from the same cultural zeitgeist that produced the film Parasite.

I might draw a parallel with some of the acts that emerged from the post-punk scene like Heaven 17 or Public Image Limited. Their decision to adopt the symbolism of early 80s yuppie culture was a knowing act, which simultaneously reflected and subverted that aspect of the zeitgeist. Penthouse and Pavement wasn't fully ironic or fully sincere, it was postmodern. It reflected the real ironies experienced by three lads from Sheffield who had somehow got on Top of the Pops and made a shitload of money, whose dads worked all their lives in steel mills that were now closing down.

>>461662 is absolutely right to highlight Gangnam Style - there's a mass of social and cultural context in K-pop that isn't apparent on first inspection. That context might be invisible to your average teenage K-pop fan, but it exists and it's a crucial formative influence.

>>461665
Yeah, but, they all sound shite. You can dress it up how you like but where are the bangers?

There isn't a single K-pop song as good as Livin' La Vida Loca.

>>461597 here again.

We won £12.30 on the Euromillions, which would work out as 49p each. Gonna roll it over and make out fortune.

Merry Gaymas, you bunch of Robert Dyas shoppers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YS2dSa-Ud0

THE SOUTH AFRICAN AT WORK IS A BASTARD MAN. I FUCKING KNEW IT. I'VE NEVER MET A NICE (WHITE) SOUTH AFRICAN IN MY LIFE.

>>461695
My mum told me one stopped her on the street the other week while she was walking her dogs. After a few words shared between them about the dogs he attempted to commiserate with her over "the blacks" and she walked off, which she tells me is the third racist white South African she's met. I won't pretend South Africa doesn't seem like a total shithole, but I, and I don't mean to rock the boat here, think white South Africans may have had something to do with that.

Between all that, Neil Blomkamp and Elon Musk, I think I agree with you. Not sure I trust black South Africans either honestly, I think all the goodness of that country was within Mandela and no one else.

>>461696
What about Breyten Breytenbach?

>>461696

Regimes based on segregation and oppression just seem to breed badness in the well off ones due to unchecked privilege and entitlement and badness in the oppressed masses just due to the crappiness of their living situation so it's no wonder that when you open the floodgates and don't plan it well you just end up with a country full of cunts on all sides.

Do you lads reckon a Hotel Chocolat velvetiser is 'worth it'? They're currently about £70 at the minute but did go on offer to about £55 earlier in the year, so it's a lot to pay for a hot chocolate maker but then again you get some people who get seriously into their coffee so why not? My girlfriend drinks a lot of hot chocolate, so it would get used frequently, but I don't know if it's a bit excessive.

>>461752
Are you rich enough to throw away £70 on something? I am, and I'm not even that rich. Get it for your girlfriend as a Christmas present. If you're broke as fuck, for example if you have kids or are unemployed, then don't buy it, but otherwise I'd say go for it.

>>461755
I'm comfortable enough that spending that much on a present won't be an issue, it's more the case of whether spending that much on a hot chocolate maker is worth it.

What's the most any of you have ever spent on someone for Christmas?

I bought the nerdy gamer ex a Switch, which at the time they were pretty new and cost about three or four hundred quid, and it was probably five times I had ever spent on anyone else for christmas in my life. But with her I just wanted to see her happy and I knew she'd never expect that. It felt really nice watching her open it and play with it with the kind of joy I had getting a PS2 as a kid.

By contrast, there was another lass I resented the idea of spending anything on, because I could tell she wanted it. I could feel the way she wanted to be given expensive tat like Pandora jewellery or whatever, for no other reason than it was expensive; I could sense her shallow desire to be able to show off to her mates "look how much my boyfriend spent on me". In my subconscious morality, the fact she wanted to be spoiled meant she just plain and simply did not deserve to be.

I'm single this chiristmas so I'm spending what would have been the Girlfriend Budget on myself. And I think I've been a goody boy this year.

>>461756
A quick Google shows it has amazing reviews.

Even if it's not utterly amazing, what are the chances it's worth than what you have now? Very unlikely.

I'd say live a little, it's a very nice looking gift.

>>461758
If kids count then an Xbox One when they were fairly new. Probably spending about £100 per child this Christmas. If not then I tend to buy event or theatre tickets.

>>461758
This year I've spent about £90 on my girlfriend. I think of our 8 years together, this is the first time we're having a "proper" Christmas with several presents to open. Normally it's just I give her £50 towards clothes, she gives me £50 towards games. Which isn't very fun to open on Christmas morning. She wants her ears tattooed (which is retarded), and I did offer to pay the £200 to get it done but she said that's too much.

I think I'll spend Christmas on my own this year. Not for the first time but I do wonder what I can do this year. I'll probably spend it on the internet like any other day and maybe watch a Christmas movie with a tin of sweets.

>>461752
Will you be tied into being expensive Hotel Chocolat packs that you can only get online? That's really my only potential objection. That and I hope you also really like hot chocolate because she's going to offer.

>>461758
It depends on the accounting method you use but looking at my books:

£50 on an girlfriend. I don't think I'd ever spend more than that, they have their own money.
£100 on siblings if you include spoiling their kids.
£80~ this year on my parents.
£150 for myself so far and will probably spend more when I once again tell myself "oh go on, you deserve a treat".

I unashamedly spoil my nieces and nephews and started doing it during the pandemic when I felt a bit bad for their generation. It's nice, I have fuck-all better to spend my money on. I'm actually a little sad that this will be the last year I can really spoil my eldest's nephews as they're grown up now.

>>461763
Any old chocolate shavings will do. The ones I see most frequently mentioned are by Pendragon, which are £16/17 for a kilo on eBay. Hotel Chocolat charge £13.50 for ten 35g sachets.

>>461758
I'm not sure I've bought anyone anything for Christmas. I did buy a PSP for my first girlfriend, maybe that was Christmas. Oh, one year I bought Cards Against Humanity for a brother. Most years I've been alone.

I'm well out of the loop when it comes to the telly, but I don't think I could name a single Christmas special on this year.

>>461768
I for one do not own a television.

My daughter's school have just sent out their Christmas dinner menu. Meat eaters get roast turkey, sausages, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding, mash, roast potatoes and veg with gravy. Vegetarians get a cheese and tomato pizza puff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDabnDw0Ris

>>461794

If she were a decade older and four stone heavier, she'd be my dream woman.

>>461802
She's flowering into womanhood, losing interest.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>461803

>>461804
Britfa mindset.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>461803

>She's flowering into womanhood

She'll be 22 next month. She did that close to a decade ago. Do keep up.

I don't think she looks particularly young for 21, despite what otherlad always says. I would probably believe she's late teens to early 20s if I didn't know.

If she plays her cards right, I see no reason for her not to become a household name in British standup. And when she does, us three can rightly say we knew her before she was famous. Her teeth could use a slight bit of work though.

>>461806
Can't think of anyone who's transitioned from YouTube to a successful stand-up career.

>>461807
Bo Burnham? Kyle Mooney and The Whitesy Kids if we're talking comedy not just stand-up. The chicken shop date girl on this island.

>>461808
>The chicken shop date girl on this island.

Has she done anything in traditional media other than the Taskmaster New Year special?

I think we should declare Grace Long the patron saint of .gs. Sarah Millican has had her time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfvh5OBFJTE

>>461810

I've pencilled her in for 2040, but she isn't ready for the throne yet.

I'd be personally inclined towards Helen Bauer, but I appreciate that she's a bit much for some of you lads and she is southern. Kiri Pritchard-McLean is an absolute sweetheart, but she's posh and Welsh which is just confusing. Sophie Willan would be a good choice personality-wise, but she's a bit of a skinny minnie. Ria Lina and Fern Brady are actual moon ovens, but they're obviously out of our league. Jessica Fostekew gives me a stonk on, but she's also really quite scary. Maybe Amy Gledhill?

>>461810
I will not abide this Vorderman erasure.

>>461812

I admire Vorderman as much as anyone, but she's already the queen of the Daily Express.

>>461794
>>461810
It's just the same joke over and over again.

>>461814
Yeah but she looks like a Wallace & Gromit character so otherlad thinks she's cute.

>>461815

So does are Andrew, but nobody thinks he's cute.

>>461816
The bar for a woman to be considered cute is much lower.

>>461817
It's moreover that men are much uglier than women.

>>461818
I'd say its that men have lower standards.

>>461819
That's because you're notably dim and probably kind of a miserable bastard as well.

>>461818
>>461820
Huff and puff all you want, revengelad. We know we're handsome catches and Andrew is going to pull that lass at the wool shop, the murderer and that aristocrat.

>>461821
I never said you, otherlad or, and I'm disgusted you'd even imply that I would, Andrew are ugly. I said that men are, generally speaking, uglier than women. The baldness, the hard fat around the stomach, the complete and total lack of a definable arse; it's terrible.

>>461816

Again, she's a month shy of 22. That's past ARE Andrew's age group, with a bit of a margin.

Not every Northern lass looks 30 at 20.

>>461821
Andrew is at the very least bisexual, but I'm fairly sure he's gay.

>>461823
It's worrying how much you know about her.

>>461824

Pot and kettle, mate.

>>461826

>>461826
Andrew has the rainbow flag in his Twitter bio so it doesn't take much to hazard a guess at his sexuality.

Knowing shit like her age and her birthday is full on creeper behaviour.

>>461830

>Knowing shit like her age and her birthday is full on creeper behaviour.

Simplad, is that you?

Maybe somebody is just genuinely a fan.

>>461838
I'm trying to think of anyone I'm a fan of where I'd know how old they are and when their birthday is, and I'm drawing a blank.

I mean, I know Victoria Coren-Mitchell is somewhere around 50 because of the news she have birth earlier this year but fuck knows her exact age and when her actual birthday is. There's a difference between being a fan and being obsessive.

>>461838
Doesn't knowing a stranger's Zodiac sign make you more of a "simp"? What other reason than one-sided adoration would there be for remembering the DoB of a woman you'll likely never set eyes on?

>>461845
Online poker metagame. Know when the other players will be celebrating or getting inebriated for any reason so you know when to raise the stakes and when to play it safe.

>>461846
Are you saying you want to target her when her guard is down and she's inebriated?

>>461848

Yeah but like a casino not a rapist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbqqAAgN-dI

>>461811
What about Rose Matafeo? She is quite robust and has a nice accent and is moderately funny. Or Donna Preston who is a very chunky lass but she is not funny?

>>461871

As lovely as Rose Matafeo is, there's just no way we can have a foreign queen for our Beautiful British Imageboard, it'd be tantamount to treason. Donna Preston is a bonny lass, but she's just too common - we might as well have Helen Flanagan as our monarch.

If we're going for a non-comedian, Jenny Ryan would be an obvious choice.

>>461867
I don't know how to react to this. I appreciate the idea of some horrible financial corporation that I've never heard of making a fun video, but it was much too long and very cringeworthy. And yet I happily watched the whole thing.

I'm not entirely sure how, but I've heard Blue Christmas by Misfits at least once a day for the past week. I haven't sought it out.