https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xyjk4sDxnI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4swdGWL8QfQ

Elf on a shelf is back all over Facey. I'd forgotten about that bollocks.

Christmas has come early this year and brought me… jury service! Right up to the 22nd, should be fun filled festive gay auld time.

>>461592
I've probably posted this before but my friend did jury service on a domestic violence case, where he ended up finding him guilty because "he looked like a wrong 'un."

He was in the running to be on the jury for one of those grooming gang cases, I think the ones which Tommy Robinson almost caused to collapse, but didn't get selected for that.

>>461592
Bring a book to read. I was selected for jury duty and they didn't pick me for any cases so I was just sat out in the waiting area bored and never getting called up for anything. I don't know why they didn't pick me. Everyone who came with me got called up, I asked at the counter what was going on and they just said I hadn't been selected yet and to sit down.

I've joined the Euromillions sweepstake at work, so for a fiver I'm gonna get 1/25th of the jackpot. I can't remember the last time I paid for a lottery ticket but I think I've been more motivated by how annoyed I'd be it everyone else in the office won than thinking we've got a realistic chance.

Cliche it may be, but I do love a .gs Christmas.

Work have an advent calendar. Every day, a name is drawn out of the hat for who opens the door. Each door has a prize. The first prize was a bottle of wine.

Also there's a raffle, where you win tickets by doing a good job (following procedures, working during busy periods). Top prize is a £100 Amazon card.

I'm hoping to win big.

This might seem like a daft question, but which side of a cream cracker do you butter?

I always butter the smoother side but when I was growing up my dad would always butter the rougher side and scold me if I'd butter the smoother side. I can't even remember his logic for it.

>>461613
>which side of a cream cracker do you butter?
Butter is a luxury I cant be arsed breaking the cracker with. Just chuck some cheese on it, maybe some pickle beneath the cheese in place.

>>461615
Would an unbuttered cracker have the necessary lubrication for a smooth journey down your throat?

>>461616
If the cheese you put on it is creamy enough, then yeah. Remember to chew.

>>461616>>461617

>>461617
Do people have non-creamy cheese on crackers? Wensleydale, Cheshire and Caerphilly are peak cracker cheese.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3wD2LhR1OT8

>>461619
What? Yes. Stilton is a fine cracker cheese, for example. You need to let it fester at room temperature, or slice thinly then mash it on.

Don't forget to eat it cheese-side-down, so your tongue gets the full blast of cheese. 'tis a game changer.

>>461622
I bet Kunt is gutted that LadBaby isn't going for Christmas number one this year. He'll have to think of some other way of generating publicity now.

>>461623
Stilton is a creamy cheese.

They all get creamy at a suitable temperature, though? Even the rubbery buggers. Where do you draw the line?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aPPYOL_6u4

>>461625
>Texture: semi-soft, crumbly, creamier with increasing age

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stilton_cheese

It's a creamy cheese.

Lidl are doing Swedish Kalles Kaviar and crispbread for Christmas.

It's peculiar. Not like it's awful so much as it feels like they've condensed a fishcake down into it's essential fishy flavour. It essentially is. Just replace the fish with cod eggs and design it to last forever using an aluminium tube and a fuck-ton of salt.

>>461615
I'm of the same view. It's far too much work to mess about with butter AND cheese. Only time I'm going to use a butter knife is if I'm doing marmite or peanut butter.

Yeah, you heard me. Marmite on a cracker.

>>461626
>Santa

Christmas is cancelled.

>>461628
>Yeah, you heard me. Marmite on a cracker.
At what point do you just start rubbing salt onto your gums?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Z6AnCRjWX0

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13JsRhhY16M

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYA_ehUzmoQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=er_Jd-n3RvA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwlP9F1FEDM

The Guardian have listed their best songs of 2023 and I think I've heard two of them. Guess that means I'm getting old.

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2023/dec/04/the-20-best-songs-of-2023

>>461653
I've never heard a good k-pop song (because there aren't any). I know that's going to rub someone the wrong way, and for literally years I avoided slating the whole "genre" because I assumed I was just being ignorant, but it's all so generic. Combine that with everything I've read about the industry being utterly horrible and I don't know what people get out of it.

>Join the #ImSuperShy challenge

>>461654
I think the lad with yellow fever only has a thing for the Japs, not sure how he feels about Koreans.

>>461655
Wasn't exactly the kind of rubbing I was talking about.

>>461655
I'm not some deranged weeb lunatic. That said, do I need to post THAT plastic surgery before and after picture?

>>461656
Let's rub this one out together then. K-Pop's appeal is partly ironic and partly because it's such a refreshing take to just make an unashamedly wholesome corporate pop-song. Despite the influence of American hip-hop, K-Pop is Korea's answer to Scandinavian synth-pop and should be viewed as such. The joke kind of is that it's dumb and superficial.

>>461658
>K-Pop is Korea’s answer to Scandinavian synth-pop
I’m not him, but you shut your whore mouth right now.

>>461658
There is absolutely nothing "ironic" about the k-pop mega industry. When they tried pushing actual Korean pop in the west it flopped, so they started making western pop with Korean performers. You seem to be describing PC Music, which I'm not going to pretend I haven't enjoyed, but even then the "it's ironic" line is a thin defence. Also I realised everyone involved with that was a turbo-posho and it put me off it. Anyway, there's no "joke" behind k-pop, thinking as much is pure fantasy.

>>461660
>Anyway, there's no "joke" behind k-pop, thinking as much is pure fantasy.

If he's also the lad who kept saying Babymetal are a serious group rather than a gimmick or who posted >>/beat/14153 then he has, perhaps unwittingly, had his head disappear up his own arsehole.

>>461660
The biggest Korean pop song in terms of audience was Gangham Style. I don't think you can do pop in any form without it becoming a little tongue-in-cheek and referencing the absurdity of itself. Do you need a song where they literally say 'dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb'?

>When they tried pushing actual Korean pop in the west it flopped, so they started making western pop with Korean performers

You fucking what. Korean pop is massively influenced by the west and like every other Korean industry has adapted it and exported it out again as one the world's biggest music industries. Go on, say BTS is shit on twitter and see what happens when you've got the teenage girl equivalent of ISIS on you.

>>461661
How did you connect saying K-Pop is a joke to saying a Japanese group being serious?

And if you can't appreciate energetic and discordant music then why are you listening to Japanese youth music?

>>461662
>How did you connect saying K-Pop is a joke to saying a Japanese group being serious?

It's the style of writing. It wouldn't be out of place in pseud's corner.

>>461663
Pseudointellectualism on Britfa.gs? I bet you own a television.

>>461660

>There is absolutely nothing "ironic" about the k-pop mega industry.

Everything that has happened in popular culture since the late 90s has had at least some element of self-conscious postmodern detachment. As we've previously discussed on .gs, a lot of the people behind the scenes in the K-pop industry are sophisticated and capable musicians; the way they go about trying to write a chart hit is fundamentally different to the attitude of amateur opportunists like Stock, Aitken and Waterman.

Over the last few decades, South Korea has undergone rapid and rather turbulent social change. The young starlets in the k-pop music videos only know the highly developed but highly unequal South Korea of today. The middle-aged blokes behind the scenes can remember when the country was dominated by heavy industry and trying to drag itself out of poverty. BTS come from the same cultural zeitgeist that produced the film Parasite.

I might draw a parallel with some of the acts that emerged from the post-punk scene like Heaven 17 or Public Image Limited. Their decision to adopt the symbolism of early 80s yuppie culture was a knowing act, which simultaneously reflected and subverted that aspect of the zeitgeist. Penthouse and Pavement wasn't fully ironic or fully sincere, it was postmodern. It reflected the real ironies experienced by three lads from Sheffield who had somehow got on Top of the Pops and made a shitload of money, whose dads worked all their lives in steel mills that were now closing down.

>>461662 is absolutely right to highlight Gangnam Style - there's a mass of social and cultural context in K-pop that isn't apparent on first inspection. That context might be invisible to your average teenage K-pop fan, but it exists and it's a crucial formative influence.

>>461665
Yeah, but, they all sound shite. You can dress it up how you like but where are the bangers?

There isn't a single K-pop song as good as Livin' La Vida Loca.

>>461597 here again.

We won £12.30 on the Euromillions, which would work out as 49p each. Gonna roll it over and make out fortune.

Merry Gaymas, you bunch of Robert Dyas shoppers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_YS2dSa-Ud0

THE SOUTH AFRICAN AT WORK IS A BASTARD MAN. I FUCKING KNEW IT. I'VE NEVER MET A NICE (WHITE) SOUTH AFRICAN IN MY LIFE.

>>461695
My mum told me one stopped her on the street the other week while she was walking her dogs. After a few words shared between them about the dogs he attempted to commiserate with her over "the blacks" and she walked off, which she tells me is the third racist white South African she's met. I won't pretend South Africa doesn't seem like a total shithole, but I, and I don't mean to rock the boat here, think white South Africans may have had something to do with that.

Between all that, Neil Blomkamp and Elon Musk, I think I agree with you. Not sure I trust black South Africans either honestly, I think all the goodness of that country was within Mandela and no one else.

>>461696
What about Breyten Breytenbach?

>>461696

Regimes based on segregation and oppression just seem to breed badness in the well off ones due to unchecked privilege and entitlement and badness in the oppressed masses just due to the crappiness of their living situation so it's no wonder that when you open the floodgates and don't plan it well you just end up with a country full of cunts on all sides.

Do you lads reckon a Hotel Chocolat velvetiser is 'worth it'? They're currently about £70 at the minute but did go on offer to about £55 earlier in the year, so it's a lot to pay for a hot chocolate maker but then again you get some people who get seriously into their coffee so why not? My girlfriend drinks a lot of hot chocolate, so it would get used frequently, but I don't know if it's a bit excessive.

>>461752
Are you rich enough to throw away £70 on something? I am, and I'm not even that rich. Get it for your girlfriend as a Christmas present. If you're broke as fuck, for example if you have kids or are unemployed, then don't buy it, but otherwise I'd say go for it.

>>461755
I'm comfortable enough that spending that much on a present won't be an issue, it's more the case of whether spending that much on a hot chocolate maker is worth it.

What's the most any of you have ever spent on someone for Christmas?

I bought the nerdy gamer ex a Switch, which at the time they were pretty new and cost about three or four hundred quid, and it was probably five times I had ever spent on anyone else for christmas in my life. But with her I just wanted to see her happy and I knew she'd never expect that. It felt really nice watching her open it and play with it with the kind of joy I had getting a PS2 as a kid.

By contrast, there was another lass I resented the idea of spending anything on, because I could tell she wanted it. I could feel the way she wanted to be given expensive tat like Pandora jewellery or whatever, for no other reason than it was expensive; I could sense her shallow desire to be able to show off to her mates "look how much my boyfriend spent on me". In my subconscious morality, the fact she wanted to be spoiled meant she just plain and simply did not deserve to be.

I'm single this chiristmas so I'm spending what would have been the Girlfriend Budget on myself. And I think I've been a goody boy this year.

>>461756
A quick Google shows it has amazing reviews.

Even if it's not utterly amazing, what are the chances it's worth than what you have now? Very unlikely.

I'd say live a little, it's a very nice looking gift.

>>461758
If kids count then an Xbox One when they were fairly new. Probably spending about £100 per child this Christmas. If not then I tend to buy event or theatre tickets.

>>461758
This year I've spent about £90 on my girlfriend. I think of our 8 years together, this is the first time we're having a "proper" Christmas with several presents to open. Normally it's just I give her £50 towards clothes, she gives me £50 towards games. Which isn't very fun to open on Christmas morning. She wants her ears tattooed (which is retarded), and I did offer to pay the £200 to get it done but she said that's too much.

I think I'll spend Christmas on my own this year. Not for the first time but I do wonder what I can do this year. I'll probably spend it on the internet like any other day and maybe watch a Christmas movie with a tin of sweets.

>>461752
Will you be tied into being expensive Hotel Chocolat packs that you can only get online? That's really my only potential objection. That and I hope you also really like hot chocolate because she's going to offer.

>>461758
It depends on the accounting method you use but looking at my books:

£50 on an girlfriend. I don't think I'd ever spend more than that, they have their own money.
£100 on siblings if you include spoiling their kids.
£80~ this year on my parents.
£150 for myself so far and will probably spend more when I once again tell myself "oh go on, you deserve a treat".

I unashamedly spoil my nieces and nephews and started doing it during the pandemic when I felt a bit bad for their generation. It's nice, I have fuck-all better to spend my money on. I'm actually a little sad that this will be the last year I can really spoil my eldest's nephews as they're grown up now.

>>461763
Any old chocolate shavings will do. The ones I see most frequently mentioned are by Pendragon, which are £16/17 for a kilo on eBay. Hotel Chocolat charge £13.50 for ten 35g sachets.

>>461758
I'm not sure I've bought anyone anything for Christmas. I did buy a PSP for my first girlfriend, maybe that was Christmas. Oh, one year I bought Cards Against Humanity for a brother. Most years I've been alone.

I'm well out of the loop when it comes to the telly, but I don't think I could name a single Christmas special on this year.

>>461768
I for one do not own a television.

My daughter's school have just sent out their Christmas dinner menu. Meat eaters get roast turkey, sausages, stuffing, Yorkshire pudding, mash, roast potatoes and veg with gravy. Vegetarians get a cheese and tomato pizza puff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDabnDw0Ris

>>461794

If she were a decade older and four stone heavier, she'd be my dream woman.

>>461802
She's flowering into womanhood, losing interest.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>461803

>>461804
Britfa mindset.

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>461803

>She's flowering into womanhood

She'll be 22 next month. She did that close to a decade ago. Do keep up.

I don't think she looks particularly young for 21, despite what otherlad always says. I would probably believe she's late teens to early 20s if I didn't know.

If she plays her cards right, I see no reason for her not to become a household name in British standup. And when she does, us three can rightly say we knew her before she was famous. Her teeth could use a slight bit of work though.

>>461806
Can't think of anyone who's transitioned from YouTube to a successful stand-up career.

>>461807
Bo Burnham? Kyle Mooney and The Whitesy Kids if we're talking comedy not just stand-up. The chicken shop date girl on this island.

>>461808
>The chicken shop date girl on this island.

Has she done anything in traditional media other than the Taskmaster New Year special?

I think we should declare Grace Long the patron saint of .gs. Sarah Millican has had her time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sfvh5OBFJTE

>>461810

I've pencilled her in for 2040, but she isn't ready for the throne yet.

I'd be personally inclined towards Helen Bauer, but I appreciate that she's a bit much for some of you lads and she is southern. Kiri Pritchard-McLean is an absolute sweetheart, but she's posh and Welsh which is just confusing. Sophie Willan would be a good choice personality-wise, but she's a bit of a skinny minnie. Ria Lina and Fern Brady are actual moon ovens, but they're obviously out of our league. Jessica Fostekew gives me a stonk on, but she's also really quite scary. Maybe Amy Gledhill?

>>461810
I will not abide this Vorderman erasure.

>>461812

I admire Vorderman as much as anyone, but she's already the queen of the Daily Express.

>>461794
>>461810
It's just the same joke over and over again.

>>461814
Yeah but she looks like a Wallace & Gromit character so otherlad thinks she's cute.

>>461815

So does are Andrew, but nobody thinks he's cute.

>>461816
The bar for a woman to be considered cute is much lower.

>>461817
It's moreover that men are much uglier than women.

>>461818
I'd say its that men have lower standards.

>>461819
That's because you're notably dim and probably kind of a miserable bastard as well.

>>461818
>>461820
Huff and puff all you want, revengelad. We know we're handsome catches and Andrew is going to pull that lass at the wool shop, the murderer and that aristocrat.

>>461821
I never said you, otherlad or, and I'm disgusted you'd even imply that I would, Andrew are ugly. I said that men are, generally speaking, uglier than women. The baldness, the hard fat around the stomach, the complete and total lack of a definable arse; it's terrible.

>>461816

Again, she's a month shy of 22. That's past ARE Andrew's age group, with a bit of a margin.

Not every Northern lass looks 30 at 20.

>>461821
Andrew is at the very least bisexual, but I'm fairly sure he's gay.

>>461823
It's worrying how much you know about her.

>>461824

Pot and kettle, mate.

>>461826

>>461826
Andrew has the rainbow flag in his Twitter bio so it doesn't take much to hazard a guess at his sexuality.

Knowing shit like her age and her birthday is full on creeper behaviour.

>>461830

>Knowing shit like her age and her birthday is full on creeper behaviour.

Simplad, is that you?

Maybe somebody is just genuinely a fan.

>>461838
I'm trying to think of anyone I'm a fan of where I'd know how old they are and when their birthday is, and I'm drawing a blank.

I mean, I know Victoria Coren-Mitchell is somewhere around 50 because of the news she have birth earlier this year but fuck knows her exact age and when her actual birthday is. There's a difference between being a fan and being obsessive.

>>461838
Doesn't knowing a stranger's Zodiac sign make you more of a "simp"? What other reason than one-sided adoration would there be for remembering the DoB of a woman you'll likely never set eyes on?

>>461845
Online poker metagame. Know when the other players will be celebrating or getting inebriated for any reason so you know when to raise the stakes and when to play it safe.

>>461846
Are you saying you want to target her when her guard is down and she's inebriated?

>>461848

Yeah but like a casino not a rapist.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbqqAAgN-dI

>>461811
What about Rose Matafeo? She is quite robust and has a nice accent and is moderately funny. Or Donna Preston who is a very chunky lass but she is not funny?

>>461871

As lovely as Rose Matafeo is, there's just no way we can have a foreign queen for our Beautiful British Imageboard, it'd be tantamount to treason. Donna Preston is a bonny lass, but she's just too common - we might as well have Helen Flanagan as our monarch.

If we're going for a non-comedian, Jenny Ryan would be an obvious choice.

>>461867
I don't know how to react to this. I appreciate the idea of some horrible financial corporation that I've never heard of making a fun video, but it was much too long and very cringeworthy. And yet I happily watched the whole thing.

I'm not entirely sure how, but I've heard Blue Christmas by Misfits at least once a day for the past week. I haven't sought it out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jsttwUG7BKA

I still bang this one on the playlist every year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1BfSsbiOIBM

>>461913

I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

>>461916
I think, by this point, he's so far gone he can't see any option other than to keep doubling down.

Lidl's gluhwein is a disappointment. But their stollen is good as always.

Looks like another Christmas where I will stay up until morning for no good reason.

>>461919

Gluhwein just isn't nice. It's like having a cup of cough drugs. Mulled cider is alright.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KYOAw47O-I

I don't mind this, but I never really got the appeal of Blink-182. A lot of their songs are childish, but they lack the lyrical creativity of someone like Bloodhound Gang. I think the worst part for me is the vocals because they've got very specific whiny American sound which grates in me.

>>461915
I've never heard this song before and you're right; it's fantastic. I wonder how much it would cost to get it to #1 now that almost nobody buys music. Paul Holt could probably borrow £30,000, buy 30,000 copies in February or March, and make 20 grand profit. I was reading the backstory on Wikipedia and I don't think there's a time limit to the bet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9jbdgZidu8
>You scumbag you maggot you cheap lousy bundle of wood


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KODskj8gd74
Make me cry every time.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDBfGrfUuug
Alltime favorite Christmas song.

What girl is on your list this season?

>>461930
I've never got the appeal of Fairytale of New York. I'd go as far as to say it describes a thoroughly horrible Christmas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhhjoZ_XL9Q

>>461932
>I've never got the appeal of Fairytale of New York. I'd go as far as to say it describes a thoroughly horrible Christmas.
It's the BRILLIANT person's Christmas song. And there is only one Christmas song for miserable people who hate Christmas, so it gets 100% of the target audience.

I know Mad World was meant to be the most miserable Christmas number-one ever when it came out, but it's not really a Christmas song. Also, I remember it and this was NOT the official video at the time:

>>461937

Shane McGowan is a great lyricist. Fairytale of New York is far from the best Pogues song, but that's a high bar and it's still a really good ballad. All songs suffer from over-exposure - it's hard to really listen to what a song is saying when you've heard it a hundred times through a shop's tannoy.

It describes a thoroughly horrible Christmas, but a lot of people have thoroughly horrible Christmases. It's hard to be alone at a time that is supposed to be about sharing, it's hard to look back on the year when you've had a tough time, it's hard to celebrate when there's someone missing from the table. Fairytale isn't some great work of philosophical genius, but it's a helpful reminder that you aren't alone. I think it's a hopeful song about the possibility of redemption, particularly the last verse. It's a bit sentimental, but Christmas songs are supposed to be at least a bit sentimental.

Anyway, here's my pick of the Christmas songs for people who are at least a bit ambivalent about Christmas:

We've all seen it, but damn it deserves a repost. Check this awful thing out once more.

>>461941
Would.

You could simplify this down to a tin with mash potato, bits of turkey/beef, gravy granules, veg all blended together. Stick a bit of bacon and sausage in there as well, arguably the easiest part as that already exists and the additional salt will aid the shelf-life. Have the government stockpile tins for distribution during a nuclear war to be eaten over a fire or cold with a spoon.

James McCaffrey / Max Payne died.
I've opened the Christmas whiskey early.

>>461953
Oh that is sad. Fuck cancer.

>>461941

That looks like something you'll eat if you not only care fuck all about food, but have given up on your entire human existence.

>>461958
If you replaced the scrambled egg and bacon layer with mash then it'd probably be alright.

£50 Amazon voucher from work for Christmas. Result.

>Aldi launches first ever pigs in blankets ice cream

https://www.aldipresscentre.co.uk/product-news/aldi-launches-first-ever-pigs-in-blankets-ice-cream/

Feels like there's been an uptick in companies releasing strange food combinations.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLEj9Els3jE

>>461962

I assume it's purely cynical, I don't know what actual normal person buys this sort of novelty shit but it seems to get made popular when youtubers buy them to 'review' aka use as clickbait.

It seems like quite literally a recipe for food waste though.

>>461964>>461962
A couple of years ago Sainsburys did a Pigs in Blankets flavour knock off pot noodle that was bloody lovely.

>>461973
You can get Mug Shot pasta ones.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyEmAD4RqU0

Last year (I think) my local Lidl had loads of mince pie flavour ice cream reduced after Christmas. It was quite nice.

>>461964
>I don't know what actual normal person buys this sort of novelty shit

I do so it's kind of the same demographic. You get a mixture from simple FOMO to most of the stuff actually being 'okay' to 'quite nice'. Sometimes that weird looking girl at the pub who keeps looking at you is someone you want to get to know, and other times she's just got a lazy eye.

>>461975
>Sometimes that weird looking girl at the pub who keeps looking at you is someone you want to get to know, and other times she's just got a lazy eye.

Are you back to talking about Grace again?

Secret Santa exchange at work today. I was gifted a load of shit that will soon find its way to a charity shop, which means I'm now 50:50 between receiving shit presents and receiving good presents. I like to think I've never given a bad present when I've taken part.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KODskj8gd74
Seaasonal lalala. And if you can do bass, do it. If you do mid tone, you already do what to do. Alto and Soprano, no idea, Improvise?

>>461986
That's the second time this song (my favourite Christmas song by miles) has been posted here, and both times, it has been this version which is worse than the one I always listen to:

>>461989
OK, maybe Sabaton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPdHkHslFIU

>>461991
And maybe Igorrr?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Rk1K5Mmnbg

>>461992
More festive
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4MY7Zem030

>>461989
It's hearing a lad mate singing his heart out, it matters if the above don't tell the story.

Have you ever sung the LALALA?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-PyWfVkjZc


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHg8DK4132Q

>>461995
Shakey's number is nice enough, but it'll forever be tainted by being the re-heated no. 1.

Finished work until Wednesday, and I've already eaten enough sweets to give myself a stomach ache.

Once the alcohol gets involved I'm going to be a wreck.

>>462015
I've got a half day tomorrow, where I intend to do absolutely fuck all, and that's it for me until January.

2½ hours to go, so far I have opened my emails, done a bit of online shopping and a bit of housework. In about an hour I'll do the three tasks I need to actually do today, which will take about five minutes each, and then I'll toss it off a bit more until I need to put my out of office on.

>>462019
>then I'll toss it off a bit more

I'm going to miss working from home once they properly cow us into submission.

Work vibe was weird today. Probably 1/3 the people compared to normal. Everyone sort of fed up and half arsing it. Wish it was like school where I could bring in a Game Boy and watch a video.

Christmas Lights by Coldplay has to be one of the worst Christmas songs going.

>>462027
If you're working between Christmas and New Year then you'll feel like you're in limbo.

christmasp ints.

Due to a lack of foresight I need to do a full supermarket shop today, which I'm not looking forward to because it's gonna be absolutely rammed.

>>462035
The worst part is that I find everybody acs really chaotically as well.

It's like mass panic sets in and everybody just starts flinging their trollies etc.

>>462036
I got to Asda for about quarter past seven, with the car park about 70% full by that point and most of the trolley bays empty. It wasn't as busy as I was expecting inside but a significant number of people were either walking ridiculously slow or lacking any spatial awareness whatsoever, like they'd never been in a supermarket before.

>>462037
Glad you got your shopping. I find in general people really struggle with awareness these days. Not sure why. My girlfriend does it too. We can be in a busy area/supermarket/whatever and she will walk into a busy section looking the other way and bump into somebody or something.

I swear this didn't happen 10 years ago.

>>462038
I got everything I needed other than onions. Mountains of sprouts, carrots, parsnips and broccoli down to 15p but no fucking onions.

Agreed that I would get my girlfriend X for Christmas and she would get me Y, nothing more. She's now pissed because she's got me a bag full of stuff, it'll be sweets and chocolates, socks and pants or general tat, whereas I've stuck with what we'd directly communicated with one another. Genuinely thought we were past this juvenile shite.

>>462038
They need to make parking sensors for people and have it 360 degrees.

>>462035
>>462037
>>462036
Christ on a bike you weren't lying. Just went to pick up some bin bags from Lidl and people were aimlessly wandering the aisles dragging behind them baskets absolutely packed with shit. I even had to buy heavy duty bin bags because for some reason everyone had panic bought them for the one (1) day where options will be significantly more limited. Like there won't be at least one shop open on limited hours this Christmas.

You might think that I could pick up bin bags anytime, and that's true. I was really there to pick up sweeties to sneak into the cinema later but I'll probably puss out now that I've noticed the share bags rustle in my pocket and get popcorn anyway.

>>462043
People walk extra slowly at Christmas because they shit the bed and get completely preoccupied with the notion they're going to forget something from the shop, so they have to be extra careful to make sure they don't miss anything.

I haven't got anything special in for Christmas, other than a festive meat-free Wellington which has been sitting in my freezer since I bought it reduced last time round.

The Snowman and the Snowdog is currently on Channel 4. I'm not really watching it, but it is slightly depressing that in ~30 years the house from the original now has a newbuild estate around it.

>>462047
Winds me up that they treat him getting in a plane as a big deal. He was already flying, why did he stop and do something less magical?
Like Dick Dastardly stopping to set a trap when he was already winning the race. Christ's sake.

>>462047
And also how the fuck did that Penguin get there? Did another snowman bring him as his +1? And if so, gutter for the kid who built that snowman, only to be blown off for a penguin.

>>462046

I don't know why, this always makes me laugh.

Let it go Tony, he's not werf it.

>>461989

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXSyqK9ERRs

I've eaten all my chocolate and now that I've had dinner I'm craving something sweet. I could just nip to the local express and get some chocolate but that still leaves me with tomorrow, sure, I could get some chocolate for tomorrow but I won't lie to you on how that will go.

It makes me wonder why I have such low-impulse control when it comes to food but I'm fine for everything else. A sweet tooth is my vice.

>>46205
Any other day I'd say off to /A/, but tonight buy want you want and eat it. If you regret it tomorrow then no amount what I can tell you will make up for that experience.

>>462056
I suddenly realised "oh, I'll need to get some toothpaste soon". And then spent a tenner stocking up. Fortunately the gym is open 24 hours over Christmas so I can exercise away the demon.

Also did my yearly cigar. Thankfully the sugar counteracts how bad an idea that was.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dkq7WZTzkLQ

You can tell almost to the minute when most people go to bed on Christmas Eve. The TV gets much, much worse.

IT'S CHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!

My aunt made an atrocious Christmas pudding from scratch today. It tasted very unappealing, but I finished my plate without batting an eye.

Do I get a medal?

Going to the gym in the early hours of Christmas morning is a strange experiance. I pretty much had the place to myself but every hour or so someone would come in, see me working out and immediately leave. Or they'll do a minute on the treadmill or just take a shower/go into the locker bit.

This is the first year the gym has stayed open so it's been a learning experiance. I suspect there's always been so low-level drug trafficking going on with the lockers that mysteriously always have locks on. That explains the guys coming and going in the locker room but the rest I can't really explain - maybe new faces who wanted the place to be empty when they started out. Overall though I recommend it, I feel better.

>>462062
I won't do it this year, but I used to go riding up and down main street because it would be *empty*. The sheen wore off when lock down happened and everyhere was like that, but I think I might still have a wander in an hour or two and see who else is mout and about.

>>462061
I hope the blowjobs are worth it.

Merry Christmas, folks.

>>462066
Aye, to you too. Hope you have a good'un.

>>462066
Feliz navidad!

I'm watching twitter ads, it's honestly the best unhinged surreal experience. If you remember old tampon ads, it's that but dialled up to at least 12. In between drop shipping bollocks, that is.

Christmas Dinner today is Gammon and Chips.
My lad who has been healthy all year chose last night to be up all night Ill.
The only thing that couldn't just stay in the freezer or have a few more days life was the meat itself, so cheers.

Merry Xmas lads, here's some WooWoo Wisdom for your family gathering if it hasn't already started yet.

Merry Xmas lads, here's some WooWoo Wisdom for your family gathering if it hasn't already started yet.

Just had my Christmas wank.

>>462072
Who did you give a gift to?

Tomorrow I have all day at my girlfriend's family's house, there'll probably be about 15 of us. Next day back to work. Then I've got a (very) long weekend on holiday with my dad's side of the family for his birthday. It'll be seven consecutive days of extreme socialisation. I don't even have time off between the end of the holiday and going back to work.

I'm lucky to have a girlfriend, family, a job. I'm incredibly introverted so even one afternoon of socialising drains my energy. 7 days is madness.

>>462074
He's like some form of Dickinson-Wonnacott hybrid. Maybe the Argies think Bargain Hunt is the key to getting the Falklands.

Why does TV have to be so shite at Christmas.

>>462078
When isn't it shite?

>>462078
My mum has a theory that the BBC does this on purpose to show the government how broke they are.

Bought a litre of Baileys, turns out I don't like it as much as I remember. My supply of savoury snacks has also been woefully inadequate.

Finally got the relatives out of my house, thank fuck.

>>462081
I had some advokaat earlier and it was rank.

I have made a thrilling discovery about The Fast Show, supported by the extensive evidence I have gathered from the repeat of it that is currently on BBC Two.

It's fucking terrible.

>>462084
Is that the alcoholic egg drink?

>>462086
I think there are several drinks which match that description, but yes, it's one of them. It's the one that's like alcoholic custard. I've had it before and enjoyed it, but today I just wasn't feeling it.

>>462084
Mix it with lemonade. Lush.

What did everyone get from Father Christmas then? Were you all good boys and girls?

>>462089
It's not over yet, still waiting on secret Santa so I'll have something to regift to the first charity shop I pass on the drive home.

Fucking hell, my girlfriend will not shut up about how cheap the presents from her sister are. Her sister has always been a cheapskate, I don't know why this has come as a surprise to her.

>>462089

A variety of useless guff, because I'm a middle-aged man and I already own basically everything I could reasonably want. Just to be awkward, I'm a retired piss-artist, so buying me a nice bottle of scotch is morally reprehensible.

>>462089
Nothing but clothes and hot sauce. And money, which is nice. I did ask for some clothes, but when it was all clothes I felt a bit bland and just posted here all day because I didn't have any DVDs to watch. Thanks a lot, streaming services, you bloody twats.

>>462097
Clothing can be very hit or miss. My parents got me pyjamas from John Lewis, which should be nice but the bottoms feel a little papery and not as soft as I was expecting.

Clothes that I'll never wear, again for the 3rd Christmas in a row after saying 'please don't buy me clothes' no less. I actually find it very upsetting. I would literally rather have nothing, which I mean not in a spiteful manner, rather I would be happy and comfortable sitting with the family without having to open gifts, draw focus and fail to elucidate suprise and pleasure.
The presents are sat in the corner now, each time I see them I feel a spike of regret that someone spent money on them for a person so ungrateful.

>>462100
Did they not include a gift receipt in case you wanted to return them?

Just caught the end of Beauty and the Beast on BBC One. I'm not saying Emma Watson is unattractive, but she was completely miscast as Belle. It seems like Disney have missed the mark with a fair bit of their live action casting.

>>462089
I got £25 from my parents so to balance it out I bought myself everything I wanted. Being single in your 30s is like that.

Another Christmas of being alone and somehow not having killed myself. The third in a row, despite my best efforts. Perhaps if we moved Christmas to a Inupiater time of year (or I fucked off Down Under) it'd be less of a malaise-inducing slog. Right now though I want to drink a litre of cheap voddy and set myself alight.

I hope that you lads had a good one.

>>462104
What is it that's difficult about Christmas alone? I believe I'd prefer it were it not for the demands of family. The only oddities I've encountered so far are quieter streets, inaccessable shops and the general feeling that something is happening without me, but for the most part I reckon it'd be alright if you've truely got noone in your life. Although saying this sounds rather bleak.
Third time's the charm, mate!

>>462109
Not otherlad, but when I get prolonged periods of time alone it's a novelty at first (I have kids) but after a while it can get kind of lonely, especially when you're not used to a quiet house or when you get home from work, do your usual routine, look at the clock and then think "fucking hell, there's still another two/three hours until bed" but the usual reading, gaming, watching TV, etc, now feels unfulfilling. I imagine Christmas, an occasion where it's heavily insinuated you should be spending quality time with loved ones, would intensify the feelings of isolation and not meeting what society expects of you.

I expect to be single before the end of the year and while I'm looking forward to the freedom it will give me and the opportunity to indulge in hobbies and interests more, I'm also dreading the solitude and weekends where I'll be completely on my own. That's on me because I haven't made a single friend in the area I moved to about eight years ago and I've also been pretty shitty at putting the effort in to maintain existing friendships.

Don't think it's actually gotten light today, just constant overcast skies between the sun going up and down.

>>462116
good moon though. Really need to scour the sales for a non-potato camera.

>>462120
I've ordered a few shirts and pairs of trousers for work from Next, but the sales seem pretty shite this year.

Just spent less than £15 on oodles of half price Christmas sweets.

All of the mints in my After Eights are solid rather than gooey. This displeases me.

>>462120
Any phone will do, just takes some practice. A "proper" camera costs a ton (not quite,750ish). Don't blame your tools. ,Take many picutures, at least a dozen. One of them willl work.

>>462130

Look at all that noise m8. There's no amount of technique that can fix that.

Taking photos of the moon is unusually annoying, because it looks much bigger in the sky than it actually is. If you take a photo of the moon with the kind of normal-to-wide-angle lens that you find on a smartphone, it'll be a tiny little white blob. To get it to look right you need to crop in really tightly, but older phones have really poor low-light performance so the image will be drenched in (now greatly magnified) noise.

Samsung were recently caught cheating in this specific respect. They had programmed their camera app to automatically detect the moon in photos and replace it with a high-res image.

https://www.theverge.com/2023/3/13/23637401/samsung-fake-moon-photos-ai-galaxy-s21-s23-ultra

>>462131
Yeah, but noise is nothing compared to composition. We probably both miss the days of doing work in a dark room.

>>462131
>Look at all that noise m8
I quite liked that, tbh. It's a much more interesting, characteristic picture than had it been crystal sharp. Imagine an image of your sweetheart like so, it's a reminder rather than a representation - spurs your memory into action, filling in the blanks.

>>462130 Turns out I took 13. But yeah, I'm up against the lens and sensor on my phone that's chosen for things other than its low-light photography. But it's what I had to hand, and you can see the moon moves annoyingly fast, there's three minutes between first and last there, there was no time to get back home, I was out with the dog. (intervening time was spent trying to get a panorama, as the sun was the same height, same size, diametrically opposite, and I was out in the fens with a full 360 clear. )
So, still looking for a cheap compact zoomy waterproof camera. Although it's completely pointless, that photo of a moon did what I wanted, and as someone said, the massive noise is just a thing, I'm not trying to produce a definitive image of the moon.