British Gas bloke is supposed to be coming to sort out a smart meter today.

What are we betting he doesn't show up?

I didn't win on the EuroMillions.

It turns out I deposited the £20 in my account but didn't buy the tickets because I'm a thicko.

Just woke up and it looks like I've got a cold again. Fuck.

Had a nice long walk along the lanes and canals. Met an incredibly friendly little cat on a bridge too, who, were I of lower moral character, I'm pretty sure I could have popped in my rucksack and taken home.

I had a lovely month seeing someone and doing all the right things but then she had to go abroad for a couple weeks for work. It felt passionate when she left but now it feels like I'm putting all the effort in and I've been bad at keeping a momentum of conversation going. She's just got back today so she's too jet lagged to see me this weekend and has suggested meeting up during the week

But equally I could just be gas-lighting myself as I've been stung before by women losing interest and she's has communicated that she's had a really busy few weeks. I don't know; do I save this sinking ship, see how it goes or do I accept now that all is lost? I guess the only thing I can do is try to gauge how things are now that she's back in the country and for now assume that it might just be a rough patch - next time we meet I'll just ask her "How do you feeling now that you're back, I missed you" to both give an opening for her to say how she feels but while being supportive.

>>469347
Wouldn't it have freaked out and attacked you?

I did the same today. A good few hours walking along a river soaking up the sun with a stop for an overpriced lunch (and some coffee and cake) at a market. Although I feel completely disorientated now that I'm getting all this daylight and warmth when the other week it was freezing.

>>469348
That ended up quite emo really quickly. I'm going to cook a nice stir fry tonight and then try to be productive.

What's the deal with dentists in England? I've not seen my doctor in years but I could (theoretically) book an appointment tomorrow, but I've been taken off of my dentists patient list because I haven't attended for a couple of months. Yes it's an exageration but you get the point.
I need a filling replacing soon, preferably before it becomes too painful to bear.

>>469347
I half thought you were going to kick it into the canal.

>>469348
Absolutely. Attempting to put a cat in a rucksack would probably end in your death, no matter how nice and welcoming it is. I just wanted to emphasis quite how friendly it had been.

I bought a "pork and bacon roll" from a Morrisons Daily while I was out. It was basically a disgusting sausage roll and not a roll at all. So disgusting in fact that I theorise it might have been the very dish that convinced the ancient Jews to prohibit the eating of pork.

>>469350

I've not seen a dentist in years, since before the pandemic at least, because it's just fucking impossible to even find one that's taking NHS patient registrations around here. I would imagine that even if I did find one it would be upwards of six months before I'd even get an appointment in.

I seem to recall we had this conversation a while ago and that one bellend kept insisting you can get one easy peasy, but at some stage last year (or the one before maybe, I can't quite remember) I literally spent a fortnight phoning every dentist I could find the number for after work, and got nowhere. I've since given up. And then even if I could get registered and get an appointment, the fees even for NHS treatment are absurd, it's the kind of money that would sting even before cost of living went mental, but nowadays would really put me in a tough position.

My teeth are shagged, there's a few visible cracks and chips but I'm (usually) not in pain at least so I have just decided basically that's me, dentists are a rich people luxury now it seems. As long as I don't eat too many sweets or drink too much sugary fizzy pop I will probably survive.

>>469350
>I half thought you were going to kick it into the canal.

As far as I'm aware, the pusher only targets humans.

Anyway, I've also been out for a walk in the countryside today with it being nice and sunny.

>>469350
Dentists hate NHS patients.
I havent been in a year or so to my local, but it over years it went from being an entirely pleasent experience, as best a dentists can be at least, to feeling like they were almost spiteful at having to deal with me. As quick as possible in and out the door. The bloke actually said If I was paying I could have the white filler, but because I'm "only" NHS I should be happy with the basic grey stuff.

You lot are surprisingly quiet on International Women's Day. And especially as it's a socialist observance decreed by Lenin where the 8th was specifically chosen because it's when women in Tsarist Russia began a general strike demanding bread and peace that sparked the revolution.

>>469352
Pay for the dentist lad. This is one of those things where you absolutely do not want to fuck about and the world's not going to be any better when those aching sores you call teeth get infected.

>>469355

What part of a) not being able to get registered and b) not being able to afford it are you too thick to get, richlad?

>>469356
The one where your health is extremely important.

>>469355

Lenin had a lot to say about fisherfolk and none of it would particularly please womanrespecterlad so let's not open that can of worms eh. We've been doing well lately to focus on real politics, like the impending collapse of American global hegemony into tinpot dictatorship and its implications.

>>469357

I don't know how you ended up as an IT manager or even made it through Rory Stuart's book, you have the IQ of a fucking victoria sponge.

>>469359
>>/emo/33571
We've got a fucking AI bot here or something.

>>469359
I'm neither of those people which by simple deduction means that you're an IT manager.

>Towns and cities across the UK are holding a day of reflection on Sunday with 2025 marking five years since the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c798l9gz4y1o

How will you lads be reflecting today on Covid-19?

>>469362
By having a head cold.
Feels like my head is being squashed.

>>469362
I'll be staying home. It's a tough job but someone has to do it.

So why aren't we doing this on the 23rd when the first lockdown started?

>>469364
I'm guessing it's because people were already dying before we went into lockdown. I'm guessing five years ago now was roughly when there was all the speculation about whether Cheltenham festival should be cancelled.

>>469362

I don't want to "reflect" on it. I still live under the shadow of the pandemic whether I want to or not. It might be five years ago but the way it wrecked my social life, happiest relationship, and job situation have been pretty enormous long term consequences that I am reminded of time and time again even as I try my best to move on.

Nothing ever really went back to normal, the way I see it. People have this false narrative that we had a couple of years of wierdness and then we put it all behind us, but that's not what happened. People's behaviours permanently changed. Social expectations permanently changed. Attitudes permanently changed. The pandemic was not a temporary event, it was a pivotal moment that changed the trajectory of society.

>>469366

I think part of the reason we aren't talking about it is that many middle-class people had quite a nice time during the pandemic. We can't really reconcile the fact that while some people had drinkies in the garden and stashed away loads of money that they weren't spending on Pret and train fares, other people had their lives completely ruined. Most people in government, the media and senior management are firmly in the first camp; either they don't understand how the pandemic affected other people, or they do understand and they're too embarrassed to highlight their own good fortune.

I find it very frustrating when the media talk about the huge increase in people claiming disability benefits as if it's some kind of mystery. After everything that's happened, of course loads of people are going to be on the sick. The last lockdown ended and we were just expected to get on with it, but no thought was given to all of the people who had no normal to return to - the recovering alcoholics who fell off the wagon, the people who lost their minds in isolation, the chronically ill people who deteriorated massively without proper treatment.

Back in the first lockdown, I remember saying on here that I hoped society would learn something from the pandemic, that we'd all remember what it felt like to not know if you'd have a job next week, to remember all the people in hi-vis who kept going out to work through that terrifying period. In hindsight, I think we've gone in the opposite direction. It seems flippant to say that "the vibes are off", but it's really the only way to describe it - public spaces feel different, strangers seem more wary, conversations seem more hostile. It's like we haven't quite woken up from a bad dream.

>>469367
>I find it very frustrating when the media talk about the huge increase in people claiming disability benefits as if it's some kind of mystery. After everything that's happened, of course loads of people are going to be on the sick. The last lockdown ended and we were just expected to get on with it, but no thought was given to all of the people who had no normal to return to - the recovering alcoholics who fell off the wagon, the people who lost their minds in isolation, the chronically ill people who deteriorated massively without proper treatment.

No the problem driving the government is that Britain is so much worse than everywhere else. We're now a nation of bennies claimants whereas the rest of the world has recovered and let's not pretend that a lot of people aren't just taking the piss.

>>469367
>We can't really reconcile the fact that while some people had drinkies in the garden and stashed away loads of money that they weren't spending on Pret and train fares, other people had their lives completely ruined.

How sheltered are you if you think the poors never got pissed or had parties during the pandemic?

>>469367
>the people who lost their minds in isolation
This is the main one for me. I was classed as a key worker for some unknown reason, and I kept going to work as normal. I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends, but I didn't really like my friends and I didn't miss them. My life was basically unaffected. A lot of complaints I hear from other people are things which have either always been a problem for me (what's that? No more fun nights out that you really enjoy? No holidays with your loved ones? Again, you're just describing my normal life) or things that are always problems for other people (every three or four years, the news decides to go out and interview some poor people, like poverty is a new thing, even though there are always poor people - people going to food banks during the pandemic was on the news, but people were going to food banks before as well, and they still are now), so I have always been monumentally flippant about the whole thing.

But so many people have gone utterly apeshit now. I work with a woman who says she will quit the job if they make her go back into the office and stop her from working from home. She used to come in every day, just like everyone else did, but now she is quite clearly terrified of going to work. I get on really well with her and she's one of my favourite colleagues, so I'm pissed off that I never see her now, but at some point she clearly developed massive social anxiety and agoraphobia, and she can't live normally now and her life is falling apart. And I probably know 5-10 other people in the exact same situation. I call it "pandemic panic", because it's the same thing for all of them: they used to have no problem going outside, but now they're all cowering shut-ins. I have friends who think it's weird that I shop in supermarkets instead of ordering everything online and paying someone to deliver it. Pandemic Panic is a real thing, although its official name is probably something else, and that doesn't even address the widespread increase in conspiracy theories, and fringe lunacy going mainstream.

>>469370
>I work with a woman who says she will quit the job if they make her go back into the office and stop her from working from home. She used to come in every day, just like everyone else did, but now she is quite clearly terrified of going to work.

Her individual example is probably different but I don't think you can blame anxiety on not wanting to spend 2 hours commuting to sit in a stale office where you might even be asked to wear smart trousers. That's a massive hit on someone's work-life balance that doesn't help anyone but Pret and those cunts working on the underground. There's a lot of bullshit we do these days that we don't think about just because it's something that's always been done and the pandemic merely exposed one of them which we've all just accepted is coming back.

Anyway, for me, my mental symptom is how I now despise people coughing and sneezing in public. It seems like nearly every time I go to Lidl I'll have some ignorant arsehole walk behind me and start coughing away. This didn't use to annoy me, I'd sit next to someone in my hotdesking office who was clearly sick just being glad I got a seat and not think to connect the dots - but now you can all fuck right off with your cold germs.

>>469370

That's one side of it, but then there's also just the fact that once you give somebody a taste of a better life, it can be really hard to go back to the old way. I am no psychologist but I am fairly certain that if you studied it, people are going to be much unhappier when they know how much better things could be, and then making them go back to how it was, versus never having experienced it at all.

We can have some boomer arsehole kind of take on it where we say "yeah well tough it's how it is" but like always, those kinds of takes are the ones that reveal a true lack of perspective. I fundamentally believe most people do have empathy, but only once they have been in a certain position themselves- This is why I am always coming to the conclusion that the kind of retarded vaguely conservative lot who say that kind of shit are usually people who have led an easy life. I've seen it myself that the moment they go through something they had previously dismissed, the penny drops and they change their tune.

But anyway that's kind of how it was for me. During the pandemic I had a promotion and a payrise and I was doing Very Important work, I had better hours and a better work life balance (for myself, at least; as mentioned preciously it came at a very steep cost to my social life and relationship, lot of nights and that meant I was basically the only volunteer.) But when the pandemic was declared finished and over, that was that, no more money or position, back to the shit hours, overtime, and barely acceptable pay I had before. It made me re-evaluate why I was in that line of work and face the conclusion that I had to get out, but that's very hard to do when you have become settled somewhere like I had.

So anyway that's a long wined way of saying I can absolutely understand how people feel when they have been able to work from home for a couple of years, suddenly being forced to go back. I would have been suicidal if I was one of those people I think.

>>469369

That's not the point I was trying to make, although I will point out that all those people who had "socially distanced gatherings" could only do so because they had a garden - a luxury that wasn't available to the millions of young people living in flats or student accommodation. The impact of fines for lockdown breaches massively disproportionately fell on poorer and younger people.

https://www.ed.ac.uk/research-innovation/latest-research-news/covid-rule-fines-peaked-in-latter-stages-of-lockd

The point I was trying to make was that we weren't really in it together. The gap between rich and poor grew substantially during the pandemic, with wealthier households piling up unprecedented levels of savings. The educational attainment of poorer kids fell even further behind their richer peers and it's looking like that gap will have permanent effects. Lockdowns massively exacerbated existing inequalities in housing; being stuck at home all day was much more pleasant for a retired couple in a detached house than a young family cooped up in a small flat. A lot of workers on casual, temporary or zero-hours contracts were excluded from the furlough scheme.

>>469373

>A lot of workers on casual, temporary or zero-hours contracts were excluded from the furlough scheme.

I'd love to know how many billions companies claimed on those employees' behalf anyway, and then just pocketed it.

Probably going to light up the fireplace for the last time this season. Just bough another bag of logs.

>>469475
>Just bough another bag of logs.
Better stick 'em in.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gkSg4jIL_Bo

>>469478

There's a line between astute observational comedy and just recounting something you overheard in a cafe.

I think you need to find a new attainable northern bird to obsess over, for all our sakes.

>>469479

Any northerner would know that a northern bird with any slight amount of success or fame is no longer attainable, she will already be convinced she is the greatest thing since pease pudding.

>>469480

>a northern bird with any slight amount of success or fame is no longer attainable, she will already be convinced she is the greatest thing since pease pudding

Plus, she'll move south to That London.

And struggle to pay rent for her one-bedroom when she realises there's a long queue of Northerners who, buoyed by modest initial success, think the world is at their feet.

That said, I find Grace Long very endearing. I imagine being on a date with her would be very genuinely entertaining and funny, because she just seems like that kind of person.

>>469482

I bet she's not funny at all when she's not doing a pre-rehearsed but for a video.

I've been dragging my feet as the Mrs wants me to move to her insular, very quaint and arty middle class town but I've just discovered that they have real bacon here. The butcher, all the restaurants and cafés. Even the Premier corner shop stocks real, local bacon.

>>469481
Life would be so much easier if we had control over which of those lives we get. I would happily work a lot harder for 100 grand a year, then stop for a bit, then go back. I think most people feel that way. So life makes those jobs much harder to get, and you show up at work every day ready to climb that ladder, and there is no ladder. Maybe I just have a shit job, or a loser personality, but I bet I would be a lot happier doing this job if I had the option to go and do a more edifying job for a year whenever I wanted.

Minimum wage has gone up quite a lot.

>>469485

It's a Saturday so I won't go all classlad on you but I do find it's a position that you only ever hear from people who have had some immense lucky break or privilege that they refuse to acknowledge. If only it were so simple for all of us, the world wouldn't be in the state it's in right now.

But anyway nah. I love driving me van, me. Like, I properly enjoy it. Been doing it roughly six months and the enthusiasm hasn't washed out yet, normally the novelty has worn off by now with any other job I have done and thought I liked, but this time it's real. I was driving about in the early spring sunshine with the windows down the other day, when it was pushing 20 degrees, looking at all the office buildings around me, thinking how miserable all the people inside must be because they're not allowed outside to enjoy it. Couldn't get me back in a flourescent light fish tank job if you paid me double.

You can't always have your dream job, but I bet there is a job out there that doesn't make you feel like topping yourself. If you put aside expectations of money and power, there's a way to beat the system by actually being happy in what you do.

I like this picture because he looks like the chad meme lol

>>469485

> I would happily work a lot harder for 100 grand a year, then stop for a bit, then go back. I think most people feel that way.


For as long as I've been a working adult, I've always pondered that.

For most people who have a job and who go to work every day, it's just barely more than a way of supporting themselves. And that's completely fine. You should work to pay your own way. But what if, through frugal living and good management of your finances, you're in a position where you can suddenly afford to simply do fuck all for a year or two, at least nothing that you feel pressured to at least sell to your next employer as a "sabbatical".

The same companies that are complicit in causing people who really want to work to be unemployed sometimes for a year or more are unduly suspicious of any gaps in your CV that last longer than two or three months. When they are part of the whole reason why you are in that position, either by firing you or by being the tenth company that you've interviewed at who won't hire you.

My way of looking at it is that they just don't want people to realise that there are other things in life besides work. And to realise that idleness can actually be valuable in shaping who you are as a person. Because if people actually woke up to the thought that idleness isn't the cardinal sin that employers everywhere will have you believe it is, then you'd have many more people saying, fuck it, I'm not doing this anymore. And they would no longer be afraid that a year of doing nothing would kill their career.

Worth not being oblivious to the fact that a lot of people simply don't have the financial reserves these days to just be on their sofa for a year or two. Or travel the world without a care. Your mortgage and family life will probably tie you down to where that'll always be a fantasy for most people.

But my theory stands. That a big reason why they don't like candidates with big gaps in their CV is that they don't want somebody who has experienced something other than years or decades of almost uninterrupted daily grind.

>>469488

I'd imagine most people who do have the opportunity to do that just lie on their CV and say they were volunteering for some made up charity somewhere and give a "reference" that's just their mate's phone number. They don't need to worry though, because one frightening truth is that many people genuinely don't have anything besides work, and they lack even the capacity to imagine anything else. I've had so many colleagues like that over the years, who mention they are often bored when they are not at work, and that blows my mind.

However, I think it's also fair to say that's a chicken and egg kind of situation. Were they always going to turn out like that, or is it a result of the obsessive fetishisation of protestant work ethic our culture tries to brainwash everyone into?

Naturally I have a chip on my shoulder about this because all my life I have been singled out as one of those outsider heathen heretics, a non-conformist and disruptive influence, someone who goes against the grain. My first priority for a long time now has been simply to do the least I can to live a comfortable life. I really didn't intentionally try and come out that way, but I was locked into that path by the way teachers at school labelled me as one and treated me like one. As I entered the world of adult work, I was already imprinted, my managers and bosses always judged me as such. It never mattered how hard I worked, so I stopped giving a fuck; there's no pleasing somebody who has already made their mind up about you.

I don't think enough people actually understand how that feels.

>>469487
>I love driving me van, me.
Give it a fucking rest, Alexei. Christ.

>>469489

>My first priority for a long time now has been simply to do the least I can to live a comfortable life.

At one of my old jobs, the building's caretaker was a Nigerian chap who was in his late 30s/early 40s. I guess the job was paying enough to support his two kids, next to his wife working as an NHS nurse. But he wasn't rich by any means. And yet, he was one of the most genuinely happy people I've ever met. Always came to work with a smile and brimming with positivity, always fun to chat with on a tea break. I don't think I ever saw him in a bad mood for the almost four years that I worked there.

Most of us office employees were probably making a few times his salary, but I don't think a single one of us, myself included, was as happy about their station in life as Nigerianlad. It really made me think sometimes. I'm sure his job had its stressful sides, not least because he was almost always on 24-hour call in case of emergencies. But he was content. And that's something that some of our higher ups couldn't say about themselves.

After a round on Gladiators the women just say "I'm so happy to see strong women, women with strength make me so joyful", but the men go "320lbs is a worm's bench press, you're a liar and a villain, the body dysmorphia you feel is real".

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/UCknRhQE8kM

>>469495

I've had two good hearty laughs today. One was earlier on when I remembered Ed Balls tweeting Ed Balls, the second one was over this.

>>469494
I'm glad the knobhead ex-soldier got knocked out today. He was proper up his own arse, to the point I think the Gladiators deliberately went soft on his opponent.

>>469495
Symptom of a dying or dead culture.

>>469498
Calm down, mate. It's only an air fryer.

I know one of you is very interested in Liz Truss' sex life, so you might want to read this article in The Mail today.

>>469500

Who cares. Angela Rayner is it now. Tell us about her sex life.

>>469501
I find it hard to be attracted to gormless people.

>>469502

>gormless

Then maybe neither Truss nor Rayner should really be your flavour.

>>469503
Neither of them are?

My mate got drunk last night and I started getting an insight into his sexuality, he likes it when women bimbo themselves up 'to impress us men' which is what gets him off. He's a successful photographer so it gives his career a twist.

I don't want to kink-shame but sometimes I feel like the most sexless man in the universe. I'm not sure there's anything that specifically 'gets me off' beyond intimacy itself. It must be nice, like I imagine if you have a foot fetish you can just get a nice job in a shoe-store and find a lass who doesn't mind a foot massage and that's your happy life.

>>469500
That's a strange article to read. It says that they worked closely together on getting her into office in her 20s, she gave him some advice on international trade and they exchanged books - she gave him Atlas Shrugged that even he called a bore and managed to push through 1,000 pages of, he gave her a book on stock market swindlers that apparently influenced her premiership (?) - then they suddenly decided to stop working so closely together and she decided to stay in her marriage while he dropped of his?

Am I just thick and there are some blatant euphemisms I'm missing here? I wanted to hear if all the rumours about her were true and that had a female PM who was shagging everyone rather than some boring arsehole talking about how his marriage broke down because he couldn't talk to his wife. Especially if she's a former PM now gallivanting about in the US.

>>469506
I wonder where Auntie Mabel's plane is now.

>>469505

>she gave him Atlas Shrugged

Which may well have set her on her right wing course.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2025/feb/20/liz-truss-cpac-speech

Ayn Rand is to bootstrap capitalism what Nietzsche is to nihilism.

>>469507
I'm not one for conspiracy theories, but I don't think I have seen her, or her plane, since about September 2001.

>>469508
I've read Atlas Shrugged, and it is my personal belief that it could not persuade anyone. It's very slightly better than the haters give it credit for, but the whole thing reads like a tiresomely repetitive manifesto from an insane person.

>>469507

Leeds.

https://www.flightradar24.com/data/aircraft/g-sftz

I bet it was very warm and cozy in Auntie Mabel's hole, IYKWIM.

>>469510


>I've read Atlas Shrugged, and it is my personal belief that it could not persuade anyone

Just reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra will not make you a nihilist. But it can be a gateway down that rabbit hole. Just as Ayn Rand's works can intrigue you to delve deeper into right-wing capitalism. And persuade you to subscribe to it.

Today I've been to Quarry Bank. There was a man taking a picture of a group of old people wearing dry robes, so I fully expect it to end up on one of those 'dry robe wankers' social media pages. It was very odd to watch him recording them.

Neil Peart from Rush, widely acclaimed Best Drummer Of All Time in the same manner as Jimi Hendrix on guitar, was super into Ayn Rand. So much so that their widely respected and influential concept album 2112 is pretty much a love letter to Atlas Shrugged.

The storyline depicts a communist dystopia where the government, a shadowy cabal of mechanicus tech priest type figures, have vast computers that take care of all human needs, from food and clothing to art and music. Humanity lives in absolute peace and harmony, with war and famine eradicated, but this comes at the cost of the human soul, which is forbidden from free expression. The main character finds an old guitar in a cave, learns to play it in three minutes, but when he shows the tech priests his wonderful discovery, they say it's shit and he's gay, so he kills himself.

This is why you should never care about a musician's political opinions. They are always full of shit. I still like that album a lot despite the fact it's intended to be straight up libertarian propaganda; and actually with the advent of AI nowadays I find it amusingly ironic how that part of the storyline may well indeed come true, but with the sides switched.

Just spent £110 on a poncey alarm clock. I have become everything I most despise.

>>469515
Does it wake you up with a blowjob or something? You better give a twenty quid note to the next homeless geezer you see.

>>469516
Is that how you get your morning blowjobs?

Inspirational story time: a little over an hour ago, I was having an adult tantrum and general mental collapse over my failure to erect a curtain rail. I know you're all good at DIY, but I think my house is just not built to have DIY done to it. I put the rail up, and it immediately fell down, ripping out the holders and leaving giant holes in my wall. I really didn't want to sleep with no curtains. Not only am I incapable of putting up a curtain rail, but I am also the poster who paid a gypsy two grand for three hours of roofing work, and I am also the poster whose shelf fell off my wall in that /diy/ thread, and my good degree and affluent upbringing did not prepare me in any way for finding a good job, and when I finally found a job I was proud of, it eventually crumbled away into a shitty mong-job, and I don't think I have ever successfully chatted up a woman I wanted to chat up ever in my life. I am worthless by every conceivable metric.

But now, a couple of hours later, the curtain is up! You just need to think outside the box, and superglue some spare metal plates you have onto your bedroom wall over the holes, and balance the curtain rail on there, for tonight at least. And I raged at my friend in a message she won't see tomorrow, and I had to take it back because I remember now that I am a good enough person that she will worry about me, and I know loads of people would never even think of my trick with the metal plates, and maybe I live a dull life right now, but I put up a curtain rail and if I can do that, I could easily make a good impression on any employer I wanted to be interviewed by, or charm any woman I actually met who wanted to be charmed. I feel fucking fantastic.

I don't have bipolar disorder, nor indeed any mental health conditions officially, but I really was very sad a couple of hours ago and now I feel positively electrified. The world is your oyster, fellow night-posters. You have so much going for you, and we all forget our own strength sometimes, but the strength and the charisma and the wit and the intelligence are all still there, so use them. You strong, brave, clever and funny paragon of humanity, you.

>>469517
No. But the alarm does do that then?

>>469515
Here was me thinking I'd spent a lot when I got an Amazon Echo Spot for £50, which is essentially a glorified alarm clock.

>>469516

It gently wakes you up with an artificial sunrise. It's part of a desperate attempt to repair the damage done to my circadian rhythm by a lifetime of bad habits and shift work. I'm getting too old to just wing it on five hours of sleep and Happy Shopper energy drinks.

>>469522

Bah. That's what amphetamines are for.

Hang on, do Oasis even have big eyebrows?

>>469592

Not any more, but that just happens with age, like your shins going bald.

The doorbell rang. It was a smartly dressed West African family inviting me to a memorial to Jesus' death.

I racistly assumed it would be for some weird niche black church, but no it's the Jehovah's. Very white looking Jesus.

My main experience with JWs is them standing around book stalls in town. The fact they're coming to my door is alarming.

>>469596
They stopped trying to convert people a few years ago, I think, but they're back now and they've started again. They stopped before the pandemic and I can't find anything online, so I have no idea what's going on.

Why are you lads always being contacted by the Jehovah's Witnesses? Seems like a monthly occurance, or maybe it was the Mormons last time.

>>469593
I really don't want my shins to go bald. When does my arse hair fall out? That's the only hair I've got a problem with.

>>469600

>Why are you lads always being contacted by the Jehovah's Witnesses?

We live in neighbourhoods that are a bit rough, but not frighteningly so.

>When does my arse hair fall out?

Never, unless you have a terrible fright like Duncan Goodhew. You can get it permanently removed if it bothers you, but you will have to let a girl with no GCSEs attack your bumhole with an industrial laser.

>>469600
I reckon 'lonely aging internet nerd' is a good demographic for poaching converts. You might see religious cults grow as millennials get older I suspect up until the inevitable noncing scandal.

I was complimented twice this past week on my dress sense. So, while heading through the park on my way to the supermarket today, I really appreciated the effort made by a teenage girl to keep my feet on the ground by heckling me with "you look like Jeffrey Dahmer!". It's fine, it's just the glasses and it's still better than looking like I work in IT. And she won't be laughing when I eat her boyfriend.

>>469601
Helpful answers. One day I'll live somewhere interesting enough to be regularly bothered by religious fundementalists. Like Kabul, perhaps. And honestly, I think the best place to be attacked with an industrial laser is the bumhole. I know it can handle it, it's already been through so much.

>>469603
>I reckon 'lonely aging internet nerd' is a good demographic for poaching converts.
You should stop writing that on your front door then. As for the other thing I think you're right. Indeed, the next Heaven's Gate, or perhaps even Scientology, is probably already well underway. We've already had the Zizians.

>>469605

I mostly seem to get compliments on how healthy I look. From people who've known me a long time it makes sense but I'm not sure how to take it from new people.

>>Why are you lads always being contacted by the Jehovah's Witnesses?
>We live in neighbourhoods that are a bit rough, but not frighteningly so.
I'll semi confirm that, I used to see them regularly until I moved off the estate. There are still the ones hanging around the bus stop but they don't seem to be trying.

I'm cooking shakshuka for tea (again) but I'm a little concerned because I've decided to try Cirio chopped tomatoes instead of sticking with Mutti. I've had little a bit out of the tin and they taste ridiculously sweet; they have 3.4g of sugar per 100g, compared to 2.8g for Mutti.

I can't decide if this military jacket would look cool and be a good item to have during the kind of weather we're in right now. Or if I'd just wind up looking like Jeremy Usbourne? I also where combat boots sometimes and I really, really don't want to look like I'm playing at army.

>>469618
You'd look like a right wally.

Are you looking for a thin waterproof jacket?

>>469619
I feel as though you posted that photo as supporting evidence that I'd look like a wally and I don't see how.

I suppose so, yes.

>>469620
The design isn't nice and it doesn't look like it'd be a good fit either, in my opinion.

You could try one of Decathlon's own brand jackets:

https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/men-s-hiking-lightweight-waterproof-jacket-mh500/_/R-p-301681

https://www.decathlon.co.uk/p/men's-waterproof-hiking-jacket-10degc-nh500-grey/_/R-p-331992

You could get a Rab downpour on sale for a similar price. They seem to have replaced The North Face if you wanted to pretend to be a middle class person who pretends to be outdoorsy.

https://www.alpinetrek.co.uk/rab-downpour-eco-jacket-waterproof-jacket/

If you're a small size then there's usually stock in Montane's outlet. They're usually a better fit than Rab, in my experience.

https://mountain-kit.co.uk/men-c18/waterproof-c24/montane-mens-minimus-stretch-ultra-jacket-p354

https://mountain-kit.co.uk/men-c18/waterproof-c24/montane-mens-spine-jacket-p1457

Scottish mountain rescue tend to use Keela jackets, you can probably find these a bit cheaper from other sellers:

https://keelaoutdoors.com/products/saxon-jacket

>>469618
Ignore the haters, mate, you'll look fine. I wouldn't have thought that jacket was official military anyway, s'jus digital camo that could be confused with a mild flower print. Absolutely nothing wrong with it, especially if you're a nature enthusiast.

>>469621
>Complains about design and cut
>suggests rural roadman
But seriously though I'm presuming this is decent advice if you care about performance.

Does anyone remember a Walls (and continental equivalent - Frigo?) ice cream shaped like Donkey Kong's head (Kev Bayliss design)? It might have sold in Spain as well. The brown bits were chocolate flavour, the skin coloured bits were vanilla or strawberry. It would have been mid-late nineties, as DKC came out in 94, and the DKC TV show aired from 97 to 00.

I've seen posts on forums from 2013 reminiscing about it, saying you could send in the lolly sticks for an inflatable banana. I've found pictures of the inflatable banana. I've found pictures of original Donkey Kong lollies from the 80s. I've found a picture of a Donkey Kong Country branded ice lolly wrapper, but the description and design and it not being Walls suggests it's a different thing.

It might be Mandela effect, but other people remember it, and the evidence of the inflatable banana suggests it's real. But I can't find photos. I looked for over an hour last night. It strikes me as odd that there is so much catalogued nostalgia of old ice cream treats, yet no Donkey Kong Country Kev Bayliss Design Ice Cream Lollies.

>>469623
Sorry to be all Peter Kay "d'ya remember Donkey Kong ice creams?" it's just going to do my head in til I find it or forget about it again.

>>469624

>Peter Kay

Guess who's dead? George Formby! You know, George Formby George Forby George Formby!

I'm glad I'm not the only one whose a silly goose with fashion sometimes.

I went out with a woman today and she said that I dress like an American. She qualified that she thinks I'm sexy but now I guess I'll resist any urge to start wearing a cap backwards or have t-shirts that are two sizes too big.

>>469618
It's a bit much for anything but fishing. It's not just how loud and unflattering it is, the drawstrings will make you look like a tramp.

>>469622
You can wear a black raincoat and not look like a chav if you dress the right way elsewhere. Even a pair of grey jeans will break it.

The problem with anything camo is it's very much dominating your outfit and anything that goes with it will be on that style direction unless you're an attractive young woman.

Just burned my tongue on mashed potato.

The steak was good though. Seasoned with homegrown dried chili pepper flakes.

>>469622
I barely know what a roadman is, I'm assuming it's what chavs are called these days, let alone a rural one. That first Decathlon jacket alone is clearly nicer than the one otherlad is considering. It has the added benefit of pit zips for when you're a sweaty bastard and need to cool down.

Anyway, today's charity shop find for me was a gingham long sleeve Fred Perry shirt for £14. It doesn't look like it's been worn.

White kitkat chunky isn't as good as the regular counterpart. I got a pack of 4 for £1.35 whereas I'd usually pay up to £1 for a single bar (!) - it makes me wonder if these multipacks are a cheaper variety with a different recipe or something.

Go ahead and shit on me for spending my weekends just browsing the Internet for hours. But:
>Facebook currently has some error where it only shows me one post at a time
>YouTube is cracking down on adblocking again, refusing to play videos a lot of the time
>4chan has the 900-second post timer if you're private-browsing
>All my old forums where I had a username have been dead for years
In a very real sense, you two are literally all I've got now.

>>469631

The internet is over. You're going to have to get an allotment or something.

>>469621
I'll be honest I think the fit of the army man jacket is fine. I don't really want a coat as snug as the ones you posted. Also, while the £35 Montane jacket is an absolute steal, all those jackets have the fatal flaw of being too short, in the exact way that will lead to any water they deflect pooling onto your upper thighs. That's not an issue if you're yomping around in a totally waterproof get up, but I'm not going to be doing that, I'll be wearing whatever I buy with cotton and wool trousers more often than not. If it's pissing down it's umbrella time.

>>469622
>I wouldn't have thought that jacket was official military anyway
Yeah, I don't think many people would, especially once it's offset with distinctly non-military attire. I don't think many folk are able to ID specialised infrared disrupting camo, which is what I think the jacket is.

>>469626
Black waterproof jackets are the height of boring. Even blue jeans are ten times more interesting because they're a classic item and you can wear them in so many different outfits.

>>469631

I know the feel brother. I even have to pause the soothing background white noise of YouTube video essays I have already watched before so I can use the VPN to get here because apparently CityFibre routes me through the Netherlands now, just so I can refresh this place and find out there are no new posts.

I've taken up refreshing my dating site profiles and recording a few videos of me playing guitar to hopefully impress a lass or two just so I have somebody to fucking talk to. And mind you, I am really fucking good at guitar, but do lasses understand the difference? No they don't.

Windows Update just bricked my Windows 11 laptop. Fuck.

I've spent over an hour trying everything and anything, but it keeps getting stuck on the Lenovo splash screen right after you push the on button.

I'm probably going to have to reinstall Windows now.

I've no idea how Jonathan Ross' chat show is still going. Well I know the answer is because it's ITV and almost all of their output is shite, but it's so stale and tired.

>>469725
I enjoyed it when I last watched it a couple of years ago, but these programmes depend entirely on who the guests are, and I don't care what the same three Hollywood luvvies, Stephen Fry and Judi Love have to say to each other.

Come to think of it, are there any interesting celebrities now? I'm a big fan of Gary Stevenson whose economics YouTube videos have so clearly influenced the posters here, but he was on Question Time on Thursday and even he came across terribly on there. Meanwhile, at this exact moment, I am watching BBC Scotland on Sky (I'm not Scottish) and it's BBC Introducing's Scottish Act of the Year 2025, with a load of unknown Scottish music acts, and it's so refreshing to witness the novelty of talented nobodies, but I doubt I would tune into Jonathan Ross to see an interview with Valtos, even though they are turning out to be amazing, so maybe I'm part of the problem.

Super army soldier jacket update: I like it. The sleeves are comically massive even on the small size, but it gives it a unique silhouette, which I feel works well with the drab colour, if you follow me.

I also saw a Grey Wagtail in a stream today.

>>469725
I noticed Britain's Got Talent is back. I was genuinely shocked to find that out, it makes me think they left one of those "drinking birds" in charge of the weekend programing in 2011 and no one's noticed to this day.

Remember to change your clocks in a few minutes!

I wonder if, in the future, they will change the rules so we don't have to change our clocks, but only at a time when every clock everyone owns changes automatically. It's a bit like my dream that they will make weed completely legal but then ban smoking so that people still can't smoke it anyway.

>>469728
I don't have a single device that displays the time that isn't connected to the internet. I genuinely cannot recall the last time I had to change the time on something, but it was possibly 2011 or '12 when I still had a flip phone.

>>469728
My clocks are now displaying the correct time for the first time in six months, other than my car which will now be one minute fast.

It's amazing how much mileage I've been able to get out of tricking my kids to go to bed an hourly early.

A friend repeatedly called me at 4am this morning, not seeming aware it was 4am, to ramble incoherently for about half an hour. We established he wasn't hurt or anything having an obvious psychotic break - he was very cheerful just not all there. I'm guessing some effect of his pain medication. Should I check in with him today or is it better not to risk embarrassing him?

>>469731
Ambulancelad, it has been a while.

My new monitor arrived yesterday. Going from 75Hz to 180Hz is very noticeable, HDR less so.

Now I can be one of those cunts online complaining that a new release game only runs at a unbearably slow 60FPS!

My Co-op has replace all its price labels with electronic ones. Apart from it being questionable to me how much labour time they actually save, they are shit because the screen resolution is so low and they are poorly lit which makes them actually less legible than the paper ones.

I can't remember the last time I saw a Fiat that wasn't a 500, is that all they sell these days?

>>469735
That's actually an interesting point, because I don't either. I know Fiat owns many other car brands these days, so maybe the only thing they sell with their own badge on it is the 500.

>>469735
>>469736
According to fiat.co.uk, you can get the Fiat 500, the Fiat 500, the Fiat 500, the Fiat Grande Panda, the Fiat 600, the Fiat 500 with a different badge, or a van.

My mum's barely fifty and she's already so fucking negative about everything. She's genuinely at risk of turning into Livia Soprano.

>>469737
I hate those pseudo-SUV things like the 600 pictured there.

>>469738
I'll go round and lick her fanny if that'll help?

>>469739
Anything that stops her finding out the gas man left a tear in the lino when he was hooking up the oven is appreciated.

I spent most of yesterday and today reinstalling Windows 11 on my laptop SIX. FUCKING. TIMES!!!

The installation always seemed to go well at the beginning and the system was fine for a few hours, but then suddenly the screen would go black, and when I then tried to reboot, it always froze on the Lenovo splash screen. The built-in Windows boot repair tools were useless and were unable to fix it so it would boot normally again, so it meant I had to reinstall Windows from scratch again each time after the problem occurred.

With a bit of research, the culprit is apparently some fucked AMD Radeon display drivers that are a known issue and can cause Windows 11 to brick beyond repair if they are installed while Windows Update is running. AMD have said they're puzzled by the problem and promised as far back as 2023 to find a fix. But they still haven't, apparently. The problem is that Windows Update itself downloads and installs those Radeon drivers automatically in the backround from its own repositories. So naturally each time you reinstall Windows, it will at some point try to load and install those Radeon drivers, at which point you have to start all over again.

I have now somehow managed to keep Windows from downloading the drivers, but the disadvantage is that I can't connect my laptop to my external monitor via HDMI. It just won't detect it without those drivers.

Not a fun way to spend the weekend.

I think I was diagnosed with OCD today. Looking online it seems to be the "Pure O" kind which I suppose is typical of me. Too lazy to even do physical compulsions.

Spent the afternoon trying to fix my coffee machine, but eventually gave up. It turned out that a few O-ring seals were leaking and corroded most of the internal circuitry.

I tried.

It's a bold assumption, but I reckon about half of the posters here make electronic music for their own amusement in their bedrooms/offices/studios.

As such, does anyone have any advice or flat out recommendations for a key wee keyboard to muck about with?

>>469808

I've got one like this, because it's compact and doesn't have a load of bells and whistles I don't need.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/M-Audio-Keystation-Ultra-Portable-Keyboard-Controller/dp/B07GBNNF23?th=1

Reality is you can get away entirely without one though, especially if you are just making electronic beep boop vibey music. I'll mainly use it just to noodle out ideas and drum patterns before manually drawing them in on the sequencer, I very rarely record a take of me playing something in that way.

I mainly make guitar nerd music though, my electronic stuff is all in the genre of Quake 1 soundtrack.

>>469808

I'm a big music and hi-fi fan, but I can say with confidence that I am completely devoid of any musical talent of my own.

>>469808

I think I have the same M-Audio one as the otherlad. In reality at that price point they're all pretty much the same, honestly. But I've had mine for at least a decade and it's survived plenty of abuse.

>>469809

If you're willing to spend a little bit more on something nicer, I'd suggest the Komplete Kontrol M32. You get loads of extra knobs and buttons and plenty of software to get you started.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07N2VQ1NH

If you don't want to fuck about with software and you're willing to spend quite a lot more, I can highly recommend the Novation Circuit Tracks. It's what's called a "groovebox" - a stand-alone bit of hardware with a sequencer, a drum machine, a couple of synths and a load of effects. It's nowhere near as versatile or powerful as a computer-based setup, but it's also far easier to get started with - you can just plug in a pair of headphones and start making bleepy bloopy doof doof noises.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Novation-AMS-CIRCUIT-TRACKS-Circuit-Tracks/dp/B08NZ1W6NN

Why do women like cosy games? If you're a woman where society expects you to housekeep and do chores, why play games where you housekeep and do chores but in a 2D pixel farm? It's the ultimate busman's holiday.

I've never seen a woman play something like Combat Mission: Final Blitzkrieg. That speaks volumes.

>>469815
Why does it matter? Leave them to it.

Fuck me, lads. It's a glorious sunny weekend so go out and enjoy it. Yesterday most of the posts were some MRA shit about Russell Brand and now you're bringing up this shit today. It's completely unsurprising that the posters with longstanding issues about women are the sad acts cooped inside all weekend when it's like this.

>>469817
I only asked because I family shared my Steam library with my wife last night. She watches very action packed, over the top anime, but in all the time I've known her play games she's gravitated to Animal Crossing, Stardew Valley, Harvest Moon, Pokemon, etc.

Most of the cosy game content creators online seem to be women so it is definitely a very woman coded section of games. Maybe it's just the female version of men playing vehicle and industry sims, or that game where you dig a hole.

>>469817

Now now lad, I thought we agreed you are allowed to voice your opinion on imageboards. If you are entitled to gossip about how guilty of being a sex offender somebody you have never met is, then MRAlads are perfectly entitled to gossip about why women mysteriously appear to prefer conforming to gendered stereotypes despite all our noble and chivalrous attempts to emancipate them.

Maybe you should take you own advice and go enjoy some of that sunshine yourself and then it wouldn't bother you.

>>469818

My ex was heavily into a lot of DnD sword and sorcery type stuff, but she was one of the rainbow crowd so she came at it from the Xena Warrior Princes angle. But I also bought her a switch and she played hundreds of hours of Animal Crossing on it, almost exclusively. I think the male version is stuff like Power Washer Simulator, or that one where you just dig a hole as deep as you can.

I miss her. My lovely ample chested slightly autistic valkyrie she were.

>>469815
>Why do women like cosy games?
Talk out of my arse I might say that generally speaking 'women' have been encouraged toward asthetic and creative persuits to address boredom inherent in housewifedom, thus a part of the brain developed by related seretonin exposure is activated whenever they're creating asthetic images on a computer.
Same as spacial awareness in hunter males, or summink.

I'm middle aged berrypicker male, so I enjoy designing houses in The Sims, Dorf Fort and the like. Infact almost any game that allows for object placement I spend some time coming up with a scene or two. Finding the 'correct' combination of items, thematically, logically and asthetically can be a game in itself.

I can barely play action games these days, they're just not interesting. I watched that Asmongold for a while but I realised his crowd is only interested in action combat games, which I think have become oversaturated and boring.

>>469818
People watch opposite-gendered anime. Men love the comfy iyashikei slice-of-life anime; you'll never get a woman to watch Azumanga Daioh even though it's arguably the greatest anime series of all time. They don't want to watch schoolgirls learn valuable lessons about friendship; only teenage boys and adult men want to watch that. Women, in my experience, are more likely to watch Gurren Lagann than Lucky Star. It's something that's unique to anime, I think, as well. I'd love to watch an anime series about girls, but you can fuck off if you try to make me read a Sweet Valley High book or watch Hannah Montana. And similarly, women probably like Initial D much more than Top Gear.

>>469817
I'm cooped up indoors because I've had a cold, a real bastard, since Tuesday and today I've got a headache that feels like a gritter has done twenty laps round the back of my eyeballs. Oddly enough it's had the opposite effect on me, instead of finding myself more pissed off at everything, nothing seems to matter that much. When the cold started improving and I could get about a bit more it was then I started finding reasons to get wound up by things which have no effect on me. Rly makes u think

>>469822
I find it morbidly fascinating to learn who is into anime. Admittedly I find fully grown men who are into the schoolgirl thing weird and creepy and the sign of an untrustworthy man, but on public transport I've seen middle-aged English women going to the office watching anime, and piously dressed eskimo men reading Manga. Why and how do anime and manga fulfil some need in the way western media can't, I wonder?

>>469824
It's very calculatedly non-threatening, I think. Teenage girls don't know anything about teenage boys, so if you make a TV series all about teenage boys, you can watch it and learn about them. The girls in Azumanga Daioh all have their own distinct individual personalities, but none of them ever have boyfriends because that would threaten the boys who watched it. So any anime with boys in it is actually targeted towards girls, and vice versa.

>>469824

STRING 'EM UP.

>>469825
There's an anime that caught my eye on Crunchyroll about a fat fujoshi (female into gay porn anime) who loses weight and suddenly attracts the attention of guys. But the problem is she would rather the guys be fucking each other than her! What a problem!

I don't know if that is for women or men. Or anyone really.

I wish those conspiracy freaks were right. I'd give anything to be living in a pod, eating bug rations, right now. We've produced enough classic cinema to keep me entertained until I'm liquidated for "onanistic deviancy", it's fine.

>>469824
I'm not remotely into anime or manga myself, but it's a very broad umbrella term for anything drawn and produced in East Asia.

The stuff about schoolgirls is pure brainrot carpet-baggerry though, you'll never make me think otherwise on that. Oh, and Weird City isn't weird it's just unpleasant.

>>469827
It's obviously for fujos, right? AKA, the best of us.

My adventures as the world's worst DIYer continue. I bought a sledgehammer to knock down the top panels of my concrete fence I have yet to understand why a concrete fence is not the same as a wall, and bought an angle grinder to shorten the fence posts. All I want is a skip outside my house so I can throw shit away.

I smashed the panels yesterday, plugged my angle grinder into my extension cord about an hour ago, switched it on in my kitchen to make sure it would work, took it outside, and... my extension cord is several metres too short to reach the wall. Rock 'n' roll. I have spent my entire life fantasising about being a self-sufficient DIY expert who can use the house I finally own to develop a useful and attractive set of skills, and I'm really not impressed with how hopeless I am at every single thing I try to do.

>>469828

>The stuff about schoolgirls is pure brainrot carpet-baggerry though, you'll never make me think otherwise on that.

I tend to agree. There's a difference between a casual anime enjoyer and an actual weeb, though, I reckon.

Every now and then I try get recommendations or research what other good classic anime there is that I should make the effort to track down and watch, in the same spirit as making the effort to watch "classic" movies like Pulp Fiction or The Godfather what have you, even if it's just so you are in on the conversation when they come up. I strongly enjoyed the more adult cyberpunk stuff I have seen like Ghost in the Shell and Cyber City Oedo 808; but I always just end up getting pointed towards shite Saturday morning cartoons for 12-16 year olds, and that's not what I am after.

I want the stuff that's like an Asian Paul Verhoeven film.

>>469829

>I have spent my entire life fantasising about being a self-sufficient DIY expert who can use the house I finally own to develop a useful and attractive set of skills, and I'm really not impressed with how hopeless I am at every single thing I try to do.

Rome wasn't built in a day. Nobody is born with that skillset. It's something that needs years of honing. Don't give up on yourself because you may be shit at DIY at the moment. Keep at it, read and watch plenty of online tutorials, or ask friends or other people for help who can show you a few things. And with time, you will become better at those things.

Actually lots of people with hope for the future eat cheese sandwiches in bed at midnight on a Sunday, so fuck you.

>>469829

What you're describing is 100% the normal learning curve for almost everything in life.

The world will offer plenty of free and uninformed criticism, especially on the internet, but anyone who has done anything has encountered several thousand of the tiny irritations and problems you've mentioned.

I was putting some of these badboys in my wall recently, the idea being to bolt on a handrail that would take the weight of people leaning on it. What I thought would take me a few minutes took me hours. In order:

1) The amount of force required to get the screw portion in would strip the drive/slot beyond a certain point. Solution: roll a hex-shaped nut down to the end of the bolt thread and use a wrench to continue turning it.
2) It was impossible to drive the screws in far enough, even with that extra force, and not have too much bolt sticking out. Solution: cut off the end of the bolt with a hacksaw and file it down so nuts can still catch the thread.
3) I drove one of the screws in slightly too far/cut off too much, so there wasn't enough bolt on the end. I had an absolute meltdown about this. Solution: get two hex-shaped nuts, tighten them up to eachother, and turn the one further down the thread counter-clockwise until it pulled the screw out (it wouldn't be able to push past the tightened nut further up the thread).

The trick is to not do any of this in view of your partner, and then pretend that it was easy in retrospect. The rails are up, by the way, and they're fixed so firmly to the wall that I can do pullups off them.

On the subject of DIY, how do I unblock my toilet?

I've tried sticking my hand down but whatever it is, I'm assuming mostly toilet roll but there will be one of my girlfriend's shits down there, is out of reach. My only other bright idea, throwing a jug of hot water as fast as I can down it, hasn't yielded results other than making the water browner.

>>469834
There are various tools you can use, but you will need to buy one. I thought they were called toilet snakes, but search results suggest you either want a drain unblocking tool or a toilet auger.

>>469835

This, but make sure it's long enough. Depending on the layout of your house, I'd get at least a 10-metre drain auger. Because you don't know where the blockage is located inside your pipes. Maybe it's localised in your toilet's siphon, maybe it's further down somewhere below the ground floor.

They're not expensive either way, so spending an extra few quid on a longer one will pay off, especially if you've got blockages in the future.

>>469835>>469836
Are plungers a bad idea? I was considering a bog blaster like this:

https://amzn.eu/d/7tzWutc

Thanks, lads.

>>469837

Again, they only work if your blockage is inside your toilet. A long drain auger, on the other hand, will get that kind of job done as well as being a tool you can come back to when you've got more serious blockages in your pipes.

Also, I'm sure the contraption in your link will make quite a mess if it works with pressure, so you could end up having to clean bits of shit off your bathroom walls.

>>469838
That's a point, that probably would blast shit everywhere. I think I'll order this instead:

https://amzn.eu/d/gC4ljz4

>>469839

That's more like it. Not much you can say against it.

I was going to tell you to pop down to Tesco first and get a £3 plunger, because if the blockage is really inside your toilet then that'd be enough. But boy, plungers have gone up. I know for a fact that I bought one a few years ago for three quid, but now Tesco want £7 for it according to their website. No doubt Big Plunger is making a killing.

>>469833
>The trick is to not do any of this in view of your partner, and then pretend that it was easy in retrospect.
I feel uncomfortable doing this, anticipating their failure during the next week. Still, it's probably better than intentionally doing such a bad job that people stop asking you for help. That's turned out to feel worse, like they know I'm a failure as even a handy-man.

>>469834
>On the subject of DIY, how do I unblock my toilet? I'm assuming mostly toilet roll [and] my girlfriend's shit
I used to flush cooked food down the toilet (chopped vegitables up to an inch square) to save myself having to deal with rotting food waste, in the belief that it's only veg it'll break down easily. Most of the time it blocked the toilet, requiring to be left for 30 minutes to an hour to drain, after which I'd flush with a few heavy buckets of water to dislodge the matter. It's worked every time - I assume if you've only toilet paper and shit then a few additional flushes on an empty bowl will move it. If not it's only an hour before you can try again.

>>469841

It's not received wisdom, but you can flush your food waste, provided it's small bits. I don't see why I shouldn't be able to flush old mashed potato or rice. Most shit has a firmer consistency than a few clumps of mashed potato.

Probably wouldn't flush things like cucumber skins, or banana skins. Anything that could get tangled up in there.

And whatever you do, do not flush cleaning supplies and implements like sponges. When I was still living in a block of flats, one of my Chinese neighbours on the second floor deliberately flushed a scotchbrite sponge and a sponge cloth after a spot of cleaning, and the people in the flat straight down from her on the ground floor then had to call the property manager at 4am because their toilet was overflowing. They had to get an emergency plumber right there and then in the middle of the night, because it was only going to get worse with people in the flats above getting up for work a few hours later and using showers and toilets. The whole thing cost a cool 300 quid including emergency surcharges, which the Chinese woman was made to pay out of pocket. Not sure why you would admit to it, faced with having to pay 300 quid if you did, but oh well.

>>469834
There is a quick and virtually free technique you should try first. You will need a black bin liner and a roll of toilet paper. Holding the toilet roll firmly, place it in the bin bag which becomes a 'sleeve' protecting your arm from any grossness. Simply plunge the pan.

A toilet roll is usually a good size to fit the available space, creating a watertight seal (necessary to create some piston action). You will feel the blockage go. Simply fold the bin bag inside out as you withdraw which will contain any unpleasantness.

Assuming there are no holes in the bin bag this is fuss free and the toilet roll goes back in the cupboard. I have never known this to fail.

You lads had a nice week? Oh, me? I brought the miniature giant sloth back from extinction, it's got a variable ten percent size difference compared to a modern tree sloth and otherwise looks exactly the same, but it's very important for my future grant money that you acknowledge this as a wholly seperate species.

This one is relatable, it reminds me a fair bit of my mum.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mf8VEURzdQ

>>469887
How do you pronounce sloth, if you are a sloth expert? The American way, like cough, or the English way that nobody actually uses now, like oath?

>>469889

Sadly, we're just so middle-aged that our interests are starting to overlap with those of the Tory tabloids and local Facebook groups. Has anyone moaned about dog fouling yet, or kids hanging around outside the Spar?

>>469889

>American way

Fuck off. It's just Northern. Like bath vs borth.

>>469887

They're cute. Well done, lad.

>>469887
Aren't they the creatures that feed poo to their own babies? Or is that koalas.

>>469893
Koala babies eat the poo poo.

We've inherited my gran's mink fur coat, I have no fucking clue what to do with it. It seems most places you can sell shit online won't let you sell it, because mink is now endangered, fair enough, though I don't think the particular mink(s) used to make this coat 50 years would be alive today anyway, but never mind. I doubt charity shops would take it either, which would be the preferred route.

I'm not really bothered about the money, though apparently it's in very good condition and is likely worth quite a bit. Regardless, I really don't want to chuck it out or shove it in the attic.

>>469889
Sl-oth if it's the animal, sl-oh-th as in lazy. This makes no sense, but it's my honest answer.

>>469892
Unfortunately our neighbouring lab's "dire wolves" got loose and ate them all shortly after my post.

>>469895
Given that it was your nan's I doubt it will fit you, but if it does you've got to wear that shit. You might think me insane, but bravery and insanity are brothers, don't you know? Can you post a photo of it?

>>469896

>you've got to wear that shit. You might think me insane

No, that's the first thing I tried. Unfortunately it's far too small, I can't get my arms in without feeling like I'm going to rip something.

As a large bald man with a big bushy beard, I suspect I'd look absolutely stunning in it.

I also found the pleasingly old fashioned receipt for it. I worked out the inflation, in todays money it would have cost about 3 grand. Shocking how much further money went back then, as my grandad at the time was a brand new fireman and my gran either wasn't working at all or was part time in marksies.

Apologies for the HDRness of the photo, I had to do something to compensate the awful lightbulbs in here making it look all wrong.

>>469897

I don't know if this is a function of fur or just that it's been stored well, but considering this hasn't been worn since probably the 80s, it still smells like her Chanel no5. Unless I'm being haunted.

Have you ever actually looked at and considered the way a McDonalds interior is designed (not pictured)? At the one near me they have these partition frames with gaps here and there. Standing from the order machines, you see tables of customers, individually, framed within these gaps. Each a snapshot of a comfy, pleasurable visit to McDonalds.
I was a little high at the time but it goes to show the level of reason behind the purposeful design of these places. The interior designer must have made a shit load of money on that.

Today I've walked from Langsett Reservoir to Howdale Dam, like otherlad suggested. 99% of the walk was absolutely shite, but it was stunning around Margery Hill/Howden Moors.

>>469899

This is why I stopped smoking the ganja honestly. It got a bit overwhelming not being able to go anywhere or do anything without sensing the weight and significance of every day decisions and structures that you would ordinarily take completely for granted.

McDonalds in particular went on a heavy rebrand in the mid-00s when that Super Size Me film threatened to completely tank their business. It was no longer seen as kosher to be targeting kids and selling the most unhealthy crap ever made. So they pivoted away from the ball pits and all the Ronald McDonald happy meal character artwork, to make it more adult. More of a lifestyle space. It's more of a teenager/young adult coffee shop environment.

No doubt, they will have paid millions and millions to consultant firms and psychologists and feng shui nutters and whatever else to make sure it's the most harmonic environment to making people eat burgers.

>>469900

It's that thing where you have to go through a bit of tedium to earn the pay-off. The bit where you are going over the top of the moor and it's just miles and miles of nowt is a bit gruelling; but when you come out on the downward slope at the other side the views are incredible.

Bought a 3DS today. Got it for £60, a similar condition one would be £140 at CEX. The battery seems a bit fucked, but it is a 14 year old system so I'm happy replacing it. With a new battery and a proper replacement stylus, it totals out at £71. I'm not sure if the card reader is fucked. Of these games that came with it, four (including mystery grubby game without a label) can't be read.

It was my first time purchasing from Facebook marketplace, and while I wasn't comfortable with travelling to a distant part of town to buy something I couldn't test beforehand, it seems to have worked out okay.

>>469903

Just softmod it, dead easy to do. Then you can whack as many games as you want on the SD card and load it up with a ton of emulators and such too.

https://3ds.hacks.guide/get-started.html

>>469904
I have a lot of games tied to my NNID which I'm redownloading (very slowly), so I should be good for the next couple of months when I will likely homebrew it. I've got probably 1500+ hours worth of unfinished/unplayed JRPGs downloading.

I'm trying to learn use of a stylus for electronic drawing but it's so difficult to get a feel for. Where doodling can be pleasureable, especially when you see a well formed line pop out almost in 3 dimensions, sketching with this pad is pain and frustration. It's taking exertions of will to use and regular reminders that "I don't know the tool yet, just be patient". Couple difficulty using hardware with bare knowledge of software it makes for an awful experience. From Paint.net, MS Paint is okay to fall back it has it's own issues.

Take a look at this for example. It's meant to be like a house, hut or something. The green and yellow colour blending might look noteworthy but it's literally all the tools of MS Paint; oil brush and layers.
I guess that's sorta the point in producing passable electronic images. Just layer it up, use the tools available and produce something that looks alright on a screen.
It just can't feel it like you do with pencil on paper - I don't mean the physical sensation, though that's probably significant on its own, but I can't pour over a screen like I would on paper.
It really is a different medium, maybe a different art.

Being pathologically obsessed with the Animal Hospital theme tune.

I don't know if it's apparent to non-musicians, but that saxophonist is playing at absolute full tilt. Red in the face, straining with effort, nothing left in the tank. Did he not realise what he was playing for? Did the producer insist that he gave it full beans? Did he turn up at the wrong session? Did he know about Rolf's awful crimes before the rest of us? Did he feel overwhelmed by the thought of poorly animals, or absolutely hate vets?

It's just an utterly puzzling artistic decision. I've tried to contact the composer, but either he's dead or he's ignoring me. There aren't many mysteries left in the modern world, but this mystery may be one that I take to my grave.

>>469907

I would have guessed it's some early MIDI sample rather than a real player, so they had all the notes set at full velocity because automating it would have been more of a pain than it was worth back then. If it is a real saxophonist, then apart from blowing dead hard, they're playing it awfully rigidly and not putting even the slightest bit of swing on the notes. So they were probably just a bit crap at the instrument.

I always remember there being a version of the The Bill theme tune with a similarly full-tilt sax rendition of the main melody, but YouTube seems to indicate I was imagining it.

>>469908
>I always remember there being a version of the The Bill theme tune with a similarly full-tilt sax rendition of the main melody, but YouTube seems to indicate I was imagining it.

Series 14, broadcast 1998. They ditched it after 3 years because it was shit

>>469907
I can understand why they turned the comments off, but the most liked one on that video was a pretty funny Rolf Harris joke.

>>469910
What was it?

>>469907
I certainly never noticed until you pointed it out, but now I think the straining screech adds enthusiasm and the theme tune would sound much less exciting if it was played more, erm, laconically? Less lungfully, anyway. Even though it's not part of the music per se, it just feels like an added element of sales pitch that increases my enjoyment, a bit like how Michael McIntyre runs and jumps around being only averagely funny and it makes everyone like him a lot more. So my guess is that the song director (??) had the same idea and insisted he play like he was trying to inflate a hot water bottle, even though presumably that wasn't actually necessary.

Might try my hand at a bit of baking. I've fancied a New York style baked cheesecake with blueberries for ages. Nobody sells one that's really as nice as I want, and years ago my girlfriend at the time made one that was bloody delicious, but she got really upset it didn't set properly. I didn't give a single fuck and ate it all anyway. I don't have a girlfriend to do that for me now so I will have to do it myself.

Then again I am going to call at the M&S Food for some fancy snacks on my way back from Aldi with the real shopping. They do coconut ice cream. I normally get chocolate and coconut icecream from that stand near the Magpie Cafe when I go to Whitby. I normally go to Whitby this time of year if I have a girlfriend to go with. But I will just enjoy it on my balcony in the sun, if the sun comes out. If they have a fancy looking blueberry cheesecake there I will just buy that instead and sack off the baking. I'd have to get a tin and everything anyway.

Also decided I'll get a new keyboard. Not an expensive one mind. Just getting annoyed with my current one because the paint it flaking off a lot of the keys, and my fancy mechanical one is just getting worse and worse for dropping keystrokes. A shame because I really love the look and feel of it but it's been nothing but a let down.

I have a couple of ebay packages to drop off at the post office. I hope the very pretty goth lass is working as she usually is, as I'm wearing my very cool M65 jacket with strategically selected vintage styled photography pins on it. She has to know how interesting and cool I am by now. She must do.

>>470069
You're doing fine, but she'd fancy you more if you had a mil-surp jacket that interrupted detection by infrared light.

It's about 20 years since I left school and all of the ugly girls I still know of are still ugly. Maybe I've consumed too much media, but I'd have thought at least one of them would have had a glow up into a beautiful swan.

>>470070

That would just be cheating.

Although I was sort of joking in my previous post, it did in fact work. Apparently my stereotyping radar is as fine tuned as ever, she recognized my JCII badge immediately, and after some wanky photographer chat she asked for my instagram so she could see some of my photos.

It's possible I've accidentally just made a friend, but maybe I've still got it.

>>470071

I've noticed for me the lasses I fancied at school I wouldn't bother with now, and the ones I overlooked I find much more attractive. Possibly my tastes have changed, or possibly it's because when you grow up knowing you're fit you never develop a personality.

>>470073
Of the four lasses I had major crushes on at school, three of them would still get it. The other has always been underweight and she has aged terribly.

Well I went and got my new keyboard from Argos because I couldn't be fucked waiting for Amazon tomorrow. It's alright, yknow, it's a keyboard, Logitech G213. None of that mechanical shite, the one I paid £80 for about 8 years ago is still on sale, but it costs £150 now. I have only been buying cheap ones for the last couple of years because then I am at least less annoyed when they do start to break.

I will keep the old one around because I never seem to give up hope that one day I will plug it in and it will work properly. But I know it is a fool's hope. I just can't bear to throw something so weighty and solid and expensive feeling away, you know?

M&S Food was a let down anyway. Won't bother again unless I want the ice cream. I might have to bake that cheesecake myself after all. But that will have to wait until next weekend or possibly the one after that, now. I can't be bothered going back out again, but I forgot to buy rice to have with my salmon too. So I am going to have to go back out Monday probably or else I will just end up not making the salmon and that'll be a waste of several quid won't it.

It's been a bit of a mixed bag of a day I suppose. I am now going to play through the first Call of Duty and United Offensive, because I watched Band of Brothers last week and I remembered how much those games drew from it.

>>470075
Buy the £150 mechanical keyboard, put your old keyboard in the box, claim a refund. Winner winner, chicken dinner.

I really need to recruit a teetotaller with a driving licence to my circle of m8s. Going on fun day trips is cheaper if we split the cost of a rented car but none of us wants to be the designated driver.

>>470076

One of these days I just might, actually.

But it'd still be shit and break I bet.

>>470077

I am a teetotaller with a driving license. I am very cagey about both facts, because I'm not a bloody taxi driver.

>>470076
Ah, the old "infinite free returns policy" trick.

I'm trying to buy a chainsaw on eBay but they don't believe you're an adult unless you have a credit card. I don't. I don't really want to sign a contract for something I can't get out of and will need paperwork which I assume is what credit cards are about. Any suggestions?

I had to eject this individual from the premises on the grounds of being too fucking big, but when I think about it this is just average spider size these days. I never see little ones any more. When did they patch these fuckers in?

Anyway I imagine this is like that meme with Moe chucking out Barney but then he's already back inside by the next panel.

>>470083
That thing is certain to return with reinforcements. Thoughts and prayers might not be enough for you.

>>470083
Looks like a wolf spider. So yeah, bigger than a house spider and bulkier, if not actually larger, than a giant house spider. An error not to kill it, but an understandable one.

>>470072
Let us know what sex is like.

>>470082
>I don't really want to sign a contract for something I can't get out of

You just pop into the bank with some ID and say "Yes, hello, I'd like to cancel my account please". Make sure to observe the women inside the branch first so you can wear the right outfit.

>>470083
Do we need to have this conversation again? That's a house spider and you've probably got loads in your house. You only saw him because he's out looking for a bird.

Funnily enough I kidnapped a tiny jumping spider on my balcony today and put him on a tradescantia nanouk to deal with fungus gnats as I've just done repotting. He'll do the job and enjoy being a bachelor with me or I'll put the cinnamon down.

>>470089

I am aware there's probably loads, and I am in a top floor flat with a loft space I have never bothered to look in, which probably houses a Shelob like monster spider. But I am not really bothererd about them as long as they keep out of my way.

This one broke the truce by scurrying up my bedroom wall right as I was about to go to sleep, so I had to temporarily imprison him under a mug overnight. I have enough compassion that I didn't want to throw him out at night in the cold, it's more of a "don't let me catch you again" kind of thing.

There is no truce. There is only war.

I'll be honest, I thought more of my day would be taken up by doing the washing up and getting a stock going.

Help me pick a beard trimmer, please:

https://amzn.eu/d/1m9RcvW

https://amzn.eu/d/cBc7qfQ

https://amzn.eu/d/dDO55dP

https://amzn.eu/d/iVEnbSl

I got a letter from the government the other day. I opened and read it, it said they were suckers. They wanted me for their army or whatever, picture me giving a damn, I said never. Here is a land that never gave a damn about a brother like me and myself because they never did. I wasn't with it, but just that very minute it occurred to me the suckers had authority.

Visiting the parents

Went to a free house that's been run by the same people since the 70, 8 cask beers on, all lush. Pure soul.

(Mass deportations now!)

(A good day to you Sir!)

>>470098
Controversial opinion: I think the Tricky version is better than the original Public Enemy one. But it remains my favourite song title of all time.

I have a big pile of bills that all arrived while I was waiting for my new card from my bank, so I haven't paid them. I have now received both emails and text messages from e.on telling me to pay. It's fucking Easter Sunday and they must know that I pay them at the Post Office. Why are they such utter simpletons?

In other news, this year marks 80 years since the end of WW2, and today is the birthday of the man who killed Hitler.

We really don't want to help this guy pick a beard trimmer, do we? I have never seen such desperate attempts to change the subject.

>>470097
Don't buy from Amazon; they're big enough already. Support your local independent male grooming stockists. Or, you know, Boots or B&M or somewhere.