I am a 29 year old male, my partner a 29 year old woman. We've been together for 10 years. We lost our virginity to each other. Neither of us have slept with any one else. We both strongly consider each other our life partners.
I've always been more sexually minded than her, my libido is much higher. This has been a problem at certain points of our relationship that I have been happy to bring up. She always responds understandingly and it fixes temporarily.
But recently I've begun to really strongly desire other women. I think it has something to do with me turning 30 next year, despite it being an arbitrary number, really.
This is something I've even brought upto her in the past, during these conversations, and she even seems quite understanding. Recognising that whilst she herself doesn't really care, she respects it's important to me. That said anything beyond a simple recognition seems beyond us. It I were to directly ask "can I sleep with another woman?" she would respond (unsurprisingly) negatively.
I feel kind of stuck, really. What I have with her is absolutely incredible and easily worth never sleeping with someone else. But it eats at me. Not always, but enough. In the shower, during a post sex moment of clarity, when I'm served by a pretty barista, and so on.
What do I do? Like I said, she is actually quite receptive of me bringing this up. And as we age seems to be more and more understanding and calm. But I can see it from her point of view as well and it must feel awful. I've asked her if she feels the same sort of thing and her answer is basically "kind of, but I don't really care". Like I said she's not very sexually orientated anyway, even once a week is a bit of a stretch. Is this something I learn to just live with? I could never cheat on her, it would break my heart and obviously break hers if she found out. But I can't contend with this feeling all my life, surely.
Interesting. She asked me last night if I had any sexual fantasies. I felt a bit worried about answering - I told her something to do with a lass in a schoolgirl uniform being instructed by her on how to give me head.
She liked the idea... and said it would be fun to watch. She wants to start slow, not just go straight in there with that, and we have no idea how we can go about finding someone, but hey, it's a step forward I had previously thought impossible.
When I asked her why she done a 180 on the whole other people idea, she said our sex life has become stale and samey. That whilst it felt good, it was the same thing.
Any advice? We have lots of female friends but I don't think that's happening.
I'm also wondering if this is some 4d chess move to cuck me further down the line.
>>31128 >I'm also wondering if this is some 4d chess move to cuck me further down the line.
Probably. You can't blame her really. I told my lass that if she did want to try this with me, she'd need to go in with the assumption that we'd never involve another man. She seems fine with it but I need to remind her now and again. Fortunately I've been cheated on several times so I can play the trauma card. Which sucks because 10 years ago I definitely wouldn't have given a shit and wouldn't have felt uncomfortable. Oddly enough I seem to feel no such discomfort with the idea of a mainly gay lad doing it, just straight lads.
Unless she's genuinely aroused by fanny, or is capable of feeling compersion, she's probably angling for a trip to the Eiffel Tower.
I don't mean to be cynical, but you are waltzing into a minefield, my friend.
Please be careful and communicate absolutely everything, and also reach out to her and give her ample opportunity to as well, otherwise this could be a disaster.
>>31129 >>31130 Honestly the idea of watching her or participating myself has come up in my head before, I'd be interested. Maybe.
But I can see what you mean, this is likely to end badly but yet I know for an absolute fact I'll go ahead with it any way. ]
That said we're both incredibly honest with each other and can handle hard conversations well, so we'll see. Again I don't think it'll happen anyway because of logistics.
The thing is, i know it sounds like the most obvious thing in the world that getting into an open relationship is a bad idea because your missus will get a fresh cock every night while you're still struggling to get a Tinder match.
But in reality I think you know if your missus is the kind of girl to actually do that, and as long as you're not a total div, you probably wouldn't entertain the idea in the first place if she was. In fact you probably don't enjoy all that much trust in your relationship in the first place with that kind of girl, you're rpobably suspicious every time she gets a text, because frankly if she wanted to there's not much you could do to stop her.
So in that sense, the only thing holding you back really is your own insecurity. You'll probably find that actually, your girlfriend does mostly only have eyes for you- That's why she's with you. If anything the other blokes are usually the ones who end up jealous. Straight men are territorial like that and often they can't hack it from the other side either. And then there's the fact that your missus is acutely aware of all this as she's going through the motions with it- She knows what blokes are like, she's dealt with them all her life after all.
Think of it this way. You know how fickle a woman can be when you're trying to court a single one. They can afford to be picky and fussy because there will always be another offer- Now imagine how picky she can afford to be when she's already got a partner. The vast majority of men out there simply won't even be in the running, so you don't have to worry about a queue out of your bedroom door, down the stairs and into the hallway, out into the drive way and down the street. Oh, is that Steve from work? Bloody hell.
Anyway. While you're right it CAN be like that, you're either a mug or you like being cuckolded to get into it. Don't get me wrong, I've seen some sad cases whereit has happened, but in those cases it was actually the best thing for the lad to realise his missus was a bit of a narccicistic slag and get out of there. And come to think of it, in those cases it's usually not even especially attractive ones- It's always the kind of girl for whom sex seems to be about validation than intimacy or pleasure. You know, a big heffer of a lass with self esteem issues, but taking five dicks a week makes her feel desirable. It's really quite transparent.
As long as you're sensible and speak openly about boundaries, make sure you are both aware what would be "going too far", I think it can be good for a lot of people.
>>31132 So what you're saying is that we should tell our misses' that we want an open relationship and then kick the slag to the curb if she acts on it? Not trying to start a cunt-off, just found it a funny thought to imagine a society of swingers compelled into monogamy by game-theory. Like our society but everyone is more honest.
So like I said, no cunt off, I don't agree with your assessment but I also understand that after so many months OP better bring an obese escort into this wearing a now horribly misfitted school uniform to dispassionately mutter orders while she peers at the telly in the other room. A bit of roleplay at least might be what might scratch this itch OP, your Mrs should be the one to vet the girl and you give it the thumbs up otherwise you'll get nowhere.
I think the message was more supposed to be "your Mrs probably isn't as much of a slut as you think she is", and I'm inclined to agree. It's a rather male projection, because if we were in their position we'd be shagging anything with a pulse; but a great deal of women simply aren't like that.
That's both the average straight man's fantasy of what he wishes women were like, but also his biggest fear of what they are like. Kind of like racists are the people who like interracial porn the most. All sexuality is political pathology after all.
I dunno. Maybe it's because I've never gone for particularly promiscuous people as partners, it's always been an off-putting trait for me. I've always gone for quality over quantity as far as sex is concerned and I don't think I'd sexually see eye to eye with someone who doesn't feel the same. I've been in an open relationship for a while now and I've met more people than she has.
So, the update nobody asked for but I am fucking happy to give.
I might be getting cucked. But not for a man.
We initially started talking to couples via reddit. We made some pictures/videos and posted on couple sharing subreddits and got a lot of attention and a lot of offers. Everyone was a yank though, but it was fun to take the first step and 'share' via chat/pictures, and it felt pretty exciting. Eventually we found a girl nearby to us who my gf very much likes the look of, and they hit it off. Turns out she's way interested in this girl, more so than any of the men we've spoken with. We've been exchanging pictures and compliments and she's meeting us in a bar near our flat tonight. She's also been telling us about this fabswingers website but we've not touched that for now. I think the 'fab' is putting me off, it's a bit boomer.
Feels a bit mental, really. But we're both excited. We've also agreed there's a decent chance she won't turn up, but that's alright.
>>31156 Sounds more like the Mrs has made a new friend. I hope you like trying to watch to something utterly dull on the telly while women talk over it or pay great attention to a cat for two hours because you have nothing to add to the conversation.
>She's also been telling us about this fabswingers website but we've not touched that for now. I think the 'fab' is putting me off, it's a bit boomer.
Steer well clear mate. I can't express strongly enough what a fucking cesspool that place is. When I spoke earlier about:
>And come to think of it, in those cases it's usually not even especially attractive ones- It's always the kind of girl for whom sex seems to be about validation than intimacy or pleasure. You know, a big heffer of a lass with self esteem issues, but taking five dicks a week makes her feel desirable. It's really quite transparent.
I was basing that stereotype on the birds on FabSwingers.
Don't get me wrong, you'll find a fit and reasonable one once in a while, but it really is a needle in a haystack, and you've no chance of actually getting their attention or holding a conversation when she has an inbox flooded with desperate 40 year olds. The rest of them are frankly just time wasters looking for an ego boost.
Funny story though, I actually met my current partner on there. We had matched on Tinder about 6 months earlier and nothing really came of it besides a bit of sexting and nude swapping. Then I came across her profile on Fab, where her main picture was a tattoo she has near her fanny, which obviously I recognised instantly. The rest is history.
Feeld is alright, I've had more success with that than most platforms. But be warned it's full of nutjob genderqueer demisexual pan-atheist university fisherperson types. Don't waste your time with those, in my experience they always turn out to be terrible in bed. It's not the sex they're in it for, it's more about being transgressive and making themselves feel interesting, in lieu of an actual personality.
The important thing with all this is that you have to sift through all the people with their various motives and sexual pathologies until you find someone who is genuinely interested in good sex for the sake of having good sex, pleasuring another person and being pleasured in return. Those kinds of people are hard to find, but it'll end in tears if you don't choose wisely.
>>31162 >Feeld is alright, I've had more success with that than most platforms. But be warned it's full of nutjob genderqueer demisexual pan-atheist university fisherperson types. Don't waste your time with those, in my experience they always turn out to be terrible in bed. It's not the sex they're in it for, it's more about being transgressive and making themselves feel interesting, in lieu of an actual personality.
I don't understand this statement. Did they have penises?
When it comes to The Pronoun Gang, my experience tells me the ones with penises are infinitely more tolerable both as people and as sexual partners than the ones without.
Exactly, only I bet Laurie is actually filthy. She was on Fetlife before it was trendy. She wanted to call you daddy before Tumblr brainwashed her into it.
There's nuance to it, lad, it's not just about if they're "progressives" or not.
There are a lot of people who have basically just adopted that entire shtick to be part of a group. I'd almost argue it's become what being a goth or an emo kid used to be fifteen years ago. Part of it is being sexually transgressive, so they pretend like they are to fit in with the crowd, but if they were being really honest with themselves they're just not all that into it. The problem is they won't admit that to themselves, so you end up having really forced, awkward kinky sex instead of natural and satisfying vanilla sex.
What I am saying is, in a roundabout way, just that there are a lot of fakers and bullshitters out there, posers if you will, and I've noticed lots of them come from that scene.
If you really want to waste your time surrounding yourself with dull, mentally ill charisma vacuums, hit up a BSDM sex dungeon. It's even more like hell than they like to pretend it is.
>>31170 I went to a "cyberpunk" night at a club shortly before COVID hit and it was something like that. Some bloke I'm positive I recognise from the chanology days dressed in a duct-tape costume made to look like he had tits, full body covered save for his knob out. Everyone else either overweight, underweight and ill-looking waxy skin. In their defence I was on shrooms so everyone looked a bit weird to me.
>>31170 I went to one nearly a decade ago, everyone had to wear all black, I got a lift there from some army dude. We entered, and first thing I saw was a fat lass with cat ears on in a cage, on top of the cage was a buffet. I didn't do any sex stuff I spent most of the night chain smoking in the back garden, but army man spanked a girl who was in stocks, and the girl's boyfriend was getting mad at army man for not slapping properly. At the end, army man drove me home, and told me was going to punch the spank girl's boyfriend for treating him like an idiot. Needless to say, I didn't go back.
Well, she actually showed up. We had a great evening, much of the discussion relating to Cristiano Ronaldo somehow. Had a few drinks, she sat on my lap while my girl watched awkwardly, she complimented her boobs and we left it at that. All agreed to meeting again soon.
>>31162 Yeah you weren't fucking wrong. Every profile had 'no terfs or swerfs' , whatever the fuck a swerf is.
Lads, I did it. I had a threesome and it was amazing. We used the app feeld and all these kinky girls who fancied my girlfriend came out of the woodwork.
I'm also far too close to Bristol; I've learnt multiple acronyms I wish I didn't know as well as tidbits such as "centrist = right wing".
But yeah we were nervous as fuck, got drunk, played uno, had weird sex and I nutted in a 20 year old. 10/10. We're now considering trying a MMF but she is actually more hesitant about this.
Congrats, lad. I hope it leads to some more fun, but I'd also like to know if it changes your relationship at all if you pursue it more. If you and your missus like it, I wonder if it will have a neutral impact or even strengthen things between you both? Good sex is good sex, after all. I've personally never been with more than one person at a time, and it's always been in the context of a fairly long-term-ish relationship.
>>31178 Well we took the advice of people in this very thread and decided to discuss everything beforehand, in all its minutia. One exercise we did was to close our eyes and visualize us, me, or her having sex with a stranger and to verbalise what emotions were brought up. We broke down the feelings we both had, ruled certain things out, added certain precautions and rules, and in the end, when we visualized the scene with those things in place there was nothing but excitement. At that point, yes we still may have been diving into a problem but we've done everything we possibly could and life is about some risk, fuck it.
Even before we had sex, this whole process we went through - from discussing, meeting a girl, etc. was exciting and interesting and we feel we've learnt more about each other. So honestly, its started off well. We've both been noticeably 'closer' and happier.
I hope all this prep and understanding can help us avoid any pitfalls ahead of us. No doubt we'll have an argument and someone will be brought up, but silly things are often said in the heat of it.
>>31177 >I'm also far too close to Bristol; I've learnt multiple acronyms I wish I didn't know as well as tidbits such as "centrist = right wing".
What were the acronyms? Curious to see if there's anything I don't know. Also how did "centrist = right wing" come up when you were looking for a sex partner?
>>31180 Because half of the app are explicit in their profile who they don't want to like (swipe) them - they more or less all follow this sort of pattern.
That's always puzzled me about it because there's such a ridiculously slim possibility of a Tory being on that app in the first place. I'm a lefty myself, but I'm also the anti-idpol "brainworms" lad and I find most those types fucking intolerable; so I have no doubt an actual right-winger would uninstall within minutes.
Let's face it any that are on it are only going to keep their mouth shut and pretend to be a trendy Twitter lefty just to get their end away. I mean that's what I do, certainly easier than having to tell them they're literally everything that's wrong with the modern left and the very reason the Tories will be in power for another decade.
>>31181 >>31182 Somewhere out there a couple of aristocratic ladies in full riding gear must settle for another lonely night with their toys. Maybe they will comfort a lonely policewoman tired and sweaty from another long night, along with her friend who just it just so happens isn't from the Southwest.
Can you imagine the kind of person who feels compelled to put that sort of thing in their bio on a hookup app has much else to talk about? You'll have to brush up on the terminology at very least.
It's only a matter of time. You know. Because they have worms in their brain.
>Some people just simply can't hide their contempt for the working class
Especially spoilt middle class tarts who put things like "no swerft terfs or tories" in their bio, I've noticed.
The thing is, what they mean by "tory" isn't actually a tory, it's just anyone who isn't 100% on board with the cult of obscure gender acronyms and fishmongery etc.
>>31190 I'd honestly never heard of an espresso martini until I moved to London but every women here drinks it. It's an odd choice to say the least for someone allegedly so concerned with their beliefs.
I wonder how long it will be until they discover Buckfast.
I get the feeling the word "queer" is starting to lose all meaning too. By this point it seems to be just the word you use if you're not really gay or trans or any of that stuff, but you want to fit in with the hip rainbow acronym clique all the same.
>>31192 Undeniably yes. That's pretty much what the word is treated as; they reclaimed the slur and shared it with anyone who wants to be even more special than L, G, B and T. I don't see how it differs from the + in LGBTQIA+, but I'm sure they would all be scandalised to hear that.