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>> No. 30888 Anonymous
11th July 2021
Sunday 11:52 am
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I am a 29 year old male, my partner a 29 year old woman. We've been together for 10 years. We lost our virginity to each other. Neither of us have slept with any one else. We both strongly consider each other our life partners.

I've always been more sexually minded than her, my libido is much higher. This has been a problem at certain points of our relationship that I have been happy to bring up. She always responds understandingly and it fixes temporarily.

But recently I've begun to really strongly desire other women. I think it has something to do with me turning 30 next year, despite it being an arbitrary number, really.

This is something I've even brought upto her in the past, during these conversations, and she even seems quite understanding. Recognising that whilst she herself doesn't really care, she respects it's important to me. That said anything beyond a simple recognition seems beyond us. It I were to directly ask "can I sleep with another woman?" she would respond (unsurprisingly) negatively.

I feel kind of stuck, really. What I have with her is absolutely incredible and easily worth never sleeping with someone else. But it eats at me. Not always, but enough. In the shower, during a post sex moment of clarity, when I'm served by a pretty barista, and so on.

What do I do? Like I said, she is actually quite receptive of me bringing this up. And as we age seems to be more and more understanding and calm. But I can see it from her point of view as well and it must feel awful. I've asked her if she feels the same sort of thing and her answer is basically "kind of, but I don't really care". Like I said she's not very sexually orientated anyway, even once a week is a bit of a stretch. Is this something I learn to just live with? I could never cheat on her, it would break my heart and obviously break hers if she found out. But I can't contend with this feeling all my life, surely.
Expand all images.
>> No. 30889 Anonymous
11th July 2021
Sunday 12:05 pm
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I'm not going to try to address the whole issue, hopefully someone else will have broader advice, maybe sex clubs or threesomes or couple's therapy or role play I don't know what these deviants think is helpful but -
>I can't contend with this feeling all my life, surely.
You won't. As you said:
>recently I've begun
Your libido/desires has/have changed and will change again. You obviously have the presence of mind to not regret not sleeping around later in life if the relationship is important and that's what's needed to maintain it. Waiting it out is an option. It's not a pleasant one, but it isn't forever.
>> No. 30890 Anonymous
11th July 2021
Sunday 12:59 pm
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Sounds like you have a nice thing. I assure you that being single is shit, from the outside it might look like one big party but it's not and honestly becomes pretty disgusting when people try to make it one. The sex itself is especially disappointing, pulling the panties down on that absolute whale in the disabled toilets of 'spoons isn't as fun as it sounds.

>my libido is much higher.

You're a lad so it always will be. She cares enough to put the effort in if you're suffering without having to jump through hoops so count yourself lucky. What I suggest you do is kindle the spark again because it should be twice a week at a minimum, can be as simple as going camping or a well earned holiday somewhere outside of your comfort zones.
>> No. 30891 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 1:23 pm
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Thanks for the replies lads. It's nice to hear that actually, what we have is indeed special. Again I really genuinely feel so lucky to have what I have.

But I did discuss this with her last night. She was incredibly understanding and receptive, and she asked me 'Are you looking for a hall-pass?". I pussied out in my reply saying "I don't know right now, I just wanted to get this off my chest and start the discussion on it". She said she would really like to continue the discussion and re-iterated how much she appreciates my position and how much she loves me. So I don' t know, I didn't get the impression it was something she hated the sound of...
>> No. 30892 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 1:45 pm
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>>30891
It's a weird one. I've been talking about it with my lass for a few years, starting the dialogue by trading a pegging for a threesome. Which still hasn't materialised, but now out of nowhere she'll bring up this domme friend I have who she knows fancies her, and she's been out for a drink with my slutty ex who's invited us to a rave next month, and generally seems quite happy with the idea now she's comfortable with the idea that our relationship isn't contingent on it happening.

Would it be something she'd want to be involved in, or in the room, or out of sight/out of mind kind of thing?

Some people are great with overriding their ego and experiencing compersion, but others aren't, and never will be, and you'll break them by trying. If you can do enough to make her feel like she's in a great relationship and she's secure enough not to get physically jealous, then that's great. If she's expressing discomfort, back off and see if she's willing to talk about that discomfort and the reasons behind it.

Personally I've tried easing my lass into it by making friends with sex positive people, chatting on Whiplr/Feeld (would be active on fetlife but I can never be arsed to make a profile), and approaching it from that angle rather than trying to set up dates or anything. That way she's getting comfortable with people and we'll probably eventually end up in some sordid situation with them, but there's no rush and no pressure and as a result she's a lot more willing to bring it up herself.

In that vein, if your lass is kinky and for example, has expressed an interest in ropes, you can meet people and learn stuff at a Shibari session, easing yourself into a community of generally sex positive people without the direct agenda of banging them.

Aside, this seems to be a common theme on /emo/ at the moment. Kind of curious as to why.
>> No. 30893 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 2:10 pm
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>>30892

Covid cabin fever. The time you spend apart from each other at work, flirting with the lass from accounting or whatever, usually functions as a relief valve for this kind of tension. When people are working from home and stuck on top of each other 24/7, it highlights things like the fact you're not having enough sex, but at the same time I think it's partly to blame.

I find my girlfriend less desirable than I did a year ago, but it's not that she's changed, it's just that she's the only other human I've had real interaction with for the past 18 months and I need something else. Some different opinions. A different voice. Different attitude. Not even necessarily to fuck, just to be around.

I always go back to this analogy but it's like I've been eating nothing but tangy cheese Doritos for a year and a half, and I'm fed up of them. I still love them, but I'd fucking kill for some cool original.
>> No. 30894 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 2:17 pm
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>>30893
Personally having enough sex, plus freedom to wank whenever and having a helping hand cradle me if she's not in the mood. I think it may be something else for other lads including myself.

For what it's worth, take me/>>30892 with a pinch of salt, as it's becoming increasingly apparent that I may be a sex addict which may warrant its own emo post in due time. And even with being able to go 3 times in an hour when I'm hungover, or cumming 6-8 times a day, I still feel like I'm getting enough sex. I just want more, and so if that's the problem for OP then it may be worth looking at through that lens rather than overexposure.
>> No. 30895 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 2:26 pm
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>>30894

That does sound a bit much. I was like that when I was 16 or 17. As a 30-odd year old I'm content with a wank per day, and a fuck every week or so.

My desire for other lasses is more rooted in a craving for variety than it is in an over-active need for sex itself. But then, that's one of my problems in life in general, I need constant novelty and get bored of things quickly if they become predictable or routine.

Perhaps for all of us it is rooted in general personality traits rather than our relationships.
>> No. 30896 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 2:49 pm
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>>30895
Yeah, it is. I was a little wanker as a kid but never more than 3 a day, could go without and it wouldn't be an issue, then a few months ago soon before my 30th, something snapped and suddenly my libido went into overdrive. I'm daily wondering if this is the initial stage of one of those brain tumours that makes you spaff at the sight of a paperclip, or start noncing. But so far it's just been a surge of 'virility'.

>My desire for other lasses is more rooted in a craving for variety than it is in an over-active need for sex itself. But then, that's one of my problems in life in general, I need constant novelty and get bored of things quickly if they become predictable or routine.
That's pretty similar for me. I don't know if blaming it on ADHD is a copout. I just get a bit bored of people once I think I've figured them out, even if they're otherwise interesting people.
>> No. 30897 Anonymous
14th July 2021
Wednesday 4:08 pm
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>>30891
>'Are you looking for a hall-pass?'

If that's her exact wording then I'd tread very lightly indeed.

>>30896
As someone with an equally active sex-drive, could it be that you're just a bit bored? Not in a sexy way but that your real yearning is to get a model train set going which all men acquire with age. I find that I can really sabotage a relationship if I'm not keeping myself busy.

We can either become a wrong'un website or a modelling website, you decide.
>> No. 31004 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 3:40 pm
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OP here again. These thoughts of mine have not left my head recently. I don't know what to do, I feel fucking awful and trapped.

I love the fuck out of this girl but I just want to sleep with other people. Even just once.

I've spoke about this with her briefly again but she basically listens, seems pretty understanding, then life carries on as if it never happened. I don't understand how she can hear me say this stuff and just carry on as normal.

If I was heartless, I could live an amazing life of being with her but sleeping around, but Jesus I can't bring myself to do it. Cheating on her would be an awful thing to do. But that doesn't exactly solve my problem.
>> No. 31005 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 5:49 pm
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>>31004
Just accept that it's never going to happen. The weight should fall off in much the same way you don't feel pangs about everything else you'd like to do in this life that is just never going to happen because we're too poor and ugly.

That or it's time to get counselling because your seem obsessed.
>> No. 31006 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 6:10 pm
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>>31004

It might be worth digging into the psychology of why you feel so compelled towards other women.

You mention a craving for variety, but what does this really mean? I think as blokes we tend to oversimplify ourselves with, "just biology innit", but you may be able to alleviate what you're feeling by reflecting on exactly what it is you're looking for.

For me, my need for attention from other girls was primarily a craving for validation and an ego boost rather than pure sex.

For you, it sounds like it may stem from the fact that your sex life has inevitably become a bit predictable and/or routine. There's a lot you can do about this, from seeking more harmless (and non-sexual) interactions with women to introducing a bit more variety with your current lass. If you love her as you say, it'll be worth trying before you go installing Tinder and nobbing the entire neighbourhood.
>> No. 31007 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 7:44 pm
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>>31004

Try this.

Get a few female mates you can flirt and banter with, maybe take out on pseudo-dates. Don't cross the line of shagging them, but have a friendship where flirting and a bit of naughty conversation isn't off the table. The chase is better than the catch as they say, and what I've analysed about myself is that it's that part I miss. Everything that's exciting about the early days of a relationship.

In my younger years I did cheat on my partners a couple of times, and while I don't really regret it, the interesting thing is that as I've got older, I've not felt compelled to go through with it. I've been in the position to plenty of times. For example, last year (before the virus and all) I went out with an old flame, stayed over in a hotel room with her, we even both kept it a sort of secret from our partners like there was a mutual understanding we might shag. But when we got there in the moment? I sort of just didn't really feel like it.

I still have the urge to prowl around and chat birds up like the sly dog I may well be, but I am no longer so desperate about it that I'm willing to go through that risky step where you lean in for the kiss, slip your hand up their thigh, and all that.

And it's weird, because my missus is shit in bed. She just doesn't put the effort in, and I can't really sugar coat it as shyness or whatever anymore, she just isn't interested in pleasing someone other than herself. She wants to get off and that's about it. In my mind I'd be quite well justified to actually cheat on her (I know I WOULDN'T be justified, but you know what I mean. The little devil on my shoulder says so), but I just can't really be bothered.

Once life has settled down a bit I'm probably going to bring it up as a sort of "look, I'm not going to sugar coat this anymore. Either you put more effort in or I go start shagging other lasses" ultimatum. But for the time being I'm actually not all that arsed. Or maybe you'll want to go down this route.

Maybe one day you'll be less arsed too. Maybe not. You never know. But just don't do anything rash.
>> No. 31008 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 8:13 pm
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Thank you guys, these are thoughtful posts to my silly thread. I think you are into something with that idea. If I'm honest, I've been speaking to an American girl on Reddit. She's beautiful and funny but I feel this is taking it further than you lot intended. The talk started off sexual but has moved onto the definition of biscuits. But all it makes me want to do is fuck the hell out of her. It's been so difficult working from home . I started a new role and I don't even have any female colleagues, let alone have the opportunity to see them face to face.
>> No. 31009 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 9:06 pm
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>>31008
>The talk started off sexual but has moved onto the definition of biscuits.

My mind is boggling at the idea you don't see this as sexual progression.
>> No. 31010 Anonymous
14th September 2021
Tuesday 10:10 pm
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>>31008
>but has moved onto the definition of biscuits.
I really can't believe you'd do this kind of thing behind your girlfriend's back.

Wow, I must be in a weird mood because usually I threaten to kill people who want to cheat on their SO.

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