I challenge you to find the existing thread for such strories.

>>36632
It's about 1,850 posts long, it's time for a new thread.

>>36633
Your mum needs a new thread IYKWIM

>>36636
I'd give her a few days, she's just had a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich.

>Gardaí are investigating the death of an elderly man in Carlow town, whose body was brought into a post office by two other men, in what appeared to be an attempt to claim the deceased man’s pension.

>The bizarre series of events began when a man entered the post office premises of Hosey’s shop and post office on Staplestown Road at about 11.30 am on Friday, seeking to collect the weekly pension on behalf of another man. He was informed by a staff member that the man himself would have to be present if payment of the pension was to be made.

>This man left and a short time later two men, accompanied by a third man in his 60s, entered the post office. These two men are appear have sought pension payment for the third man, who appeared to be propped up. A woman who had become suspicious of the men’s movements alerted a post office staff member and no cash was handed over. The body of the deceased was then left at the scene when the two men fled after suspicions were raised.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/garda%C3%AD-investigating-after-man-s-body-used-in-apparent-attempt-to-claim-pension-1.4782598

>Janet says at one point her pet dog Kirby ate one of her ears
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-60317898

>>36959
I'm willing to bet at least 50% of .gs userbase would fuck that.

>>36962

We do have some standards m8. She looks like someone put a garden gnome in the microwave.

>>36962

When did 50% of .gs become Adam Pearson?

I know you're a bunch of no-class misanthropes but mocking people with genetic disorders does seem like a new low. Not to be a no-fun Nicolas, but there has to be a line somewhere.

>>36967
It doesn't fit with the point of the thread, either.

>>36967
Thanks for being my moral compass, I really appreciate it and will never take the piss out of anyone else because who knows what problems they face.

Thanks for making me a better person.

>>36967

>>36970

Give it a rest.

Funky brownies can or ordered by mail now? I would love this.

>Residents on quiet Barnsley street speechless after discovering their estate is shaped as a penis

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/residents-quiet-barnsley-street-speechless-23192571

Yep.

>>37466
Fucking Juggalos

>>37466
She's kind of fit without all the shit.

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/mum-britains-biggest-eyebrows-looks-26373599

Sounds like she did the whole thing to get Tiktok famous.

>>37565

Right, but we still need to address the tacky tattoos.

>>37588
>Sammie-Jo Halliford, from Grimsby,

>On Friday, March 11, I decided to see how long it would take me to travel from Northallerton to Sheffield

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/rode-train-north-south-yorkshire-23365681

He's at it again.

>A Yorkshire burger van owner has promoted his business on Mother’s Day by featuring missing tot Madeleine McCann and her mum.

>The Otley Burger Company in Boroughgate, Leeds, wrote: “With burgers this good, you’ll leave your kids at home. What’s the worst that could happen [sic] Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums out there.”

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/whats-on/yorkshire-burger-van-promotes-mothers-23515941

>>38037
LOL

(A good day to you Sir!)

Mum furious as son's Toby Carvery foot-long hot dog looks like 'ET's finger'

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-furious-sons-toby-carvery-26773452

Dublin man goes to Lidl for milk and comes out with remote control forklift

https://www.dublinlive.ie/news/dublin-news/dublin-man-goes-lidl-milk-24121724

>>38640
The thing that makes this the perfect fit for this thread is that not only is it just "we asked people what they bought in the middle aisle", they probably had to overlook what was actually in the middle aisle to do it.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/dublin-grocery-store-shoppers-glimpse-viking-history-beneath-their-feet-180976150/

>Kids climb over fence to enjoy closed West Park splash area

https://www.hullPlease don't ban me.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/kids-climb-over-fence-enjoy-7459018

>>39099

>"Park facilities will re-open once the travellers have left."

Also, a classic:

This Morning is completely fucking mental. Holly Willoughby once interviewed a sex robot.

>>39100
Does the gilfy cripple have an OF?

Woman hospitalised for three days after dog poos on her face while sleeping

A woman is recovering from a horrendous ordeal after her daughter's dog accidentally did a poo on her face while she was asleep - and left her hospitalised. Amanda Gommo, 51, was taking an afternoon nap with chihuahua Belle when the pup became ill and had violent diarrhoea.

The mum-of-three was asleep with her mouth open, top and tailing with Belle, when the messy accident occurred, and some got in her mouth. She ran to the bathroom to be sick but later ended up in hospital with a gastrointestinal infection - passed on from her pooch.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-hospitalised-three-days-after-28081036

>>39359

What to do first when your dog shits in your mouth:

[x] Post a selfie on social media

>A man has been tormented by a stranger screaming 'porridge' through his letterbox. The heckles happened at strange hours in the middle of the night over the course of three weeks, he said.

>YorkshireLive reports he wrote: "Apologies if this post is not allowed but I am wanting to get to the bottom of this as I’m at my wit's end. I live at range court flats in Boothtown and for the past three weeks someone is STILL been opening my letter box flap in the middle of the night and shouting 'PORRIDGE'. Sometime it’s 'PORRIDGE TIME PAPPA BEAR' or once it was 'EAT IT BEFORE IT GOES COLD PAPPA'. - (this bit said in a whisper). Before you ask no, porridge had not been left at any times, this is clearly a unwelcome visitor and I would it to stop ASAP. If this is you, grow up."

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mans-torment-mystery-stranger-keeps-28190549

>>39511

This has to be the most British way ever of harrassing somebody.

>>39515
I'm finding it really funny though.

I think they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel making a big deal over Murder She Wrote being dead. Has anybody ever willingly watched a full episode of Murder She Wrote? It was the sort of program that only existed to torture kids who had to stay over at their nan's house who didn't have Sky or a video player.

>>39546

Any self-respecting bored kid watched Quincy.

>>39546
Murder, She Wrote and Diagnosis Murder were the shit.

>>39547

Quincy, M.E. if you remember. It's easy to forget.


Just one more thing...

>Dad blasts Asda after staff sell his 7-year-old son a £2 scratchcard

https://www.derbytelegraph.co.uk/news/real-life/dad-blasts-asda-after-asda-7917221

Lurch and Pugsley.

>>39680
I always wonder what motivates someone to go to the press and report shit like this. I can't imagine they get much money for the story.

>>39902
>>39909

Apparently it's gone worldwide. Must be the only funny thing to have happened recently in the hell world of February 2023.

>>39910
>Apparently it's gone worldwide

Probably to do with Netflix's success with Wednesday.

>>39910


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo

>Hull's grimmest bench in a garden of rubbish surrounded by overgrown bushes

https://www.hullPlease don't ban me.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/hulls-grimmest-bench-garden-rubbish-8170509

>>39992

Looks like the perfect spot for some al fresco drinking. Mine's a White Ace.

>>39993
I'll take a refreshing lager drink. Karpackie, if you please.

A 70-year-old man who carried out an indecent act as a woman danced naked in the window of a town centre flat, has been given a community order.

Kevin Stewart was arrested after he was seen with his trousers round his ankles and his hands in his pants while stood in front of a window in Whitehaven.

There was a female “completely naked” in the window dancing in front of him, Workington Magistrates’ Court heard.

Stewart said he had “problems in the trousers department” and hadn’t been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction but suffers from it.

He couldn’t give an account of how the witnesses could describe his underpants. He also commented that he needed to get a good divorce lawyer.

https://www.whitehavennews.co.uk/news/23365853.man-70-sentenced-indecent-act-woman-danced-naked-window/

>>40028
>Kevin Stewart was arrested after he was seen with his trousers round his ankles and his hands in his pants while stood in front of a window in Whitehaven.

>>40028
>Stewart was given a six-month community order, with 15 rehabilitation activity requirement days. He was fined £80 and ordered to pay £85 costs and a £95 victim surcharge.

Does this mean anything when you're over 70? You can't exactly give a man a curfew whose put himself to bed at 6. You're not going to be getting much activity out of him.

'Magic' button defrosts car windscreen in seconds - and some drivers had no clue

Just as we thought the first signs of spring were coming, temperatures have started to plummet yet again, with ice and snow appearing rather than flowers and sunshine.

Many places across the UK have woken up to snow this morning and will continue to for the rest of the week, so as the days get cold and the nights even colder, many of us will be waking up to find our car windscreen completely frozen, making us potentially late for work. But rather than reaching for the scraper and standing in the snow, a driving expert has revealed there's no need to suffer, as you can get rid of the ice from inside your car as it's warming up thanks to a handy button.

Driving Test Success - who are the UK's leading provider of Theory Test revision materials - shared a video on their TikTok account @drivingtestsuccess where they explained you can clear ice cover by simply activating your car windscreen fan. This will heat up the glass from the inside and therefore help to melt the frost away. In the company's video, they explained: "Frozen windscreen? Put the temperature on high. Put the front windscreen fan on max. The ice will start to melt from the heat. Wipe away excess water and return the fan to normal."

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/defrost-windscreen-driving-button-snow-28674748

>>40033
You ought not to share purposely idiotic advertorials.

This morning as I left work I was puzzled by everyone painstakingly scraping snow off their cars, with some splashing boiling water around. What's wrong with using your window wipers when it's just snow and not ice?

>>40034
It could be icy underneath or gone hard and compacted overnight. I burnt the motor on my first car's rear wiper trying to clear snow off the window.

>>40035
I used my finger in conjunction with my eyeballs to determine this was not the case.

>>40036

It's still going to put more strain on the motor. Snow is pretty heavy, as you'll know if you've gone to put the rubbish out and the bin lid has 6 inches on top. Definitely not a bad idea to scrape it off first.

I usually just get the sweeping brush out, turn the car on and set the heaters on full whack while I sweep it all off the roof and windows in one go. Then you can let the wipers just get rid of the leftovers which should already be melting and thus of little threat.

Boiling water is supposedly risky because it can cause cracks, but I think the risk is overstated. I've done that a couple of times if I'm already running late and don't have time to fanny about with the scraper. And even then that's only for necessary ice, not snow.

>>40037

>Boiling water is supposedly risky because it can cause cracks, but I think the risk is overstated.

It's perfectly safe on a fully intact windscreen, but there's a high risk of turning a chip into a crack.

>>40038
I wonder if there's a French version of the Safestyle UK man.

>>40038
I will never understand why it's called Carglass in foreign countries, but Autoglass over here where we actually call them cars. The Dutch for "car" is "auto" so that's just doubly mystifying when they call it Carglass.

>>40038

The key is to avoid extreme temperature differences. You can use lukewarm water safely to about a temperature that you will get from a warm water tap. The ice on the windscreen will still melt and also neutralise most of the heat before it does damage. But boiling hot water creates tension in the glass because a part of your windscreen will expand suddenly and rapidly. This unevenness can create forces in the glass that will cause it to crack.

A friend got a shattered windscreen once on holiday in Italy after his car had been sitting in the sun in mid-July for a few hours and for some reason somebody threw a water balloon right onto the middle of the windscreen. Same effect really, the sudden contraction in the glass where the cold water from the balloon hit created tension that it couldn't take.

They had to go to a shop to get the entire windscreen replaced.

>>40040

Generally speaking, you can't trademark a purely descriptive term.

You may have noticed that supermarket own-brand Corn Flakes are called Corn Flakes, but own-brand Rice Krispies are called something like Crisp Rice or Rice Snaps. "Corn Flakes" is a literal description of the product and can't be trademarked, but "Krispies" is a made-up word.

Also this video makes me feel like I'm having a stroke:

>>40040

Autoglass are also pretty expensive if you actually need to replace your windscreen when it's no longer just about filling up a chip with epoxy. My mum's car (old C-class Merc) has a windscreen that is starting to delaminate. It's in the bottom right corner, so it's in the driver's field of view. It's a cloudy spot in the glass about the size of an adult's hand that turns milky white whenever there's wet weather. We already got an MOT advisory for it in October. Autoglass told us it'll be £1,200 to fix it. My mum has £500 excess on her comprehensive car insurance, so she'd still be out the 500 quid.

The windscreen itself is about 300 quid OEM-quality aftermarket. I'm not sure what they think they'll spend the other £900 on while they're swapping it out. We've considered going to an independent garage, but it's not going to make a big difference because my mum will probably have to pay £500 either way.

>>40043
If you have comprehensive insurance it's almost certainly covered under that for the standard charge of £115.

>>40044
Yes this. Windscreen repairs or replacements usually have a separate lower excess than the main one.

A normal day in Leeds.

> Police were able to track down a couple of car thieves in Leeds after they left footprints in the snow leading to their home.
>
> West Yorkshire Police's Dog Support Unit tweeted that two of 'Leeds' finest' ran off after abandoning a car they'd stolen. But police were able to track them down by following footprints in the heavy snow all the way back to their house on Thursday night.
>
> Officers said the thieves received the day's 'dumbest criminal award'. Deep snow fell across the country throughout Thursday night and into Friday.

>>40044
>>40045

Ah, good to know. I'll have to check my mum's policy then.

1200 quid to replace a windscreen that will probably cost them no more to source than the £300 I saw one for on Autodoc still seems a bit much.

>>40044
>>40045
Not only that, but on a fully comp policy a windscreen claim alone typically doesn't count for no-claims purposes.

>'Closing down sale' signs appear in Harrogate shop in prestigious town centre street

https://www.harrogateadvertiser.co.uk/heritage-and-retro/heritage/closing-down-sale-signs-appear-in-harrogate-shop-in-prestigious-town-centre-street-4082231

https://www.chad.co.uk/news/people/call-for-crackdown-on-erratic-and-dangerous-mobility-scooter-drivers-in-mansfield-town-centre-4081144

>>40092
No way is there a local newspaper called "The Chad". Perhaps there is in the African nation of Chad, but I refuse to believe your one exists.

Woman who claims to be Madeleine McCann turns out not to be.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/health/familyhealth/woman-who-claims-to-be-madeleine-mccann-receives-dna-test-results/ar-AA19rUSy?cvid=71c57bf787c2499ea93a69dd6fc8769d&ocid=winp2fptaskbar&ei=12

Oh well. The hunt goes on.

>>40094
No way would Maddie be fat if she were alive.

>>40095

Look at Natasha Kampusch today.

>>40094

>Wendell's parents said she has fabricated the claims and that 'it's obvious she isn't' the missing British girl.


You know you've fucked up when even your own parents distance themselves from you publicly.

>>40097
I bet Phillip Schofield's brother realised the error of his ways, having diddled a young boy, when Phillip Schofield disowned him.

>>40094
I skimmed an MSN news article earlier about a 'Coronation Street legend' dying. I got halfway through before I realised it was about the character, Kevin Webster's dad, rather than the actor itself. I didn't realise journalists covered future soap storylines.

>>40099

Many former credible and semi-credible news sites have long switched their content to being just curated clickbait.

Not all of them are as bad as the Huffington Post, but there are loads of other websites that aren't far behind.

>>40099
My own personal rule for trusting news is:

TV news >>>>> news websites > social media recommendations of news stories > print media

If you only get your news from the TV, you miss a lot of shit and almost no worthwhile stories.

McDonald’s restaurants offered the Metropolitan police cut-price burgers and free hot drinks during Extinction Rebellion protests – but senior officers warned staff not to “flaunt” it, documents show.

Franchises also granted liberal use of their toilets during the central London demonstrations. A police chief praised this in an internal email as a “convenient” deal that would “allow short breaks” for patrolling officers.

I am truly appalled that someone would offer a cup of tea to a public servant.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/apr/21/mcdonalds-offered-met-police-cheap-burgers-and-free-drinks-during-xr-protests

>>40127
Public servants aren't allowed to accept gifts you moron.

>>40127
It's gone down well on the PoliceUK sub.

https://www.rudgwicksteamshow.co.uk.com/r/policeuk/comments/12tvthq/more_quality_journalism_by_the_guardian_s/

>>40128

Yes they are, they just need to declare it, which they did.

A gift and hospitality declaration seen by the Guardian shows an offer of “free Teas [sic] and coffees” was accepted by the force at six McDonald’s branches.

>>40127
I'm trying to work out who the target audience of this article would be as opposed to say, covering the subsidised meals in Parliament. It really does seem like a clickrage article where the reporter even manages to make life incredibly stressful with the inevitable investigation that will follow.

>>40128
Actually you log it on a gifts and hospitality register. As it says in the article and as I myself have filled out many times. Have you somehow missed that every fast-food restaurant in the land has some kind of discount for police and NHS?

>>40131

>I'm trying to work out who the target audience of this article would be

The type of people who say pic related is an example of "copaganda".

>>40132
This sort of thing is how you actually recruit people. In the Navy by Village People and the volleyball scene from Top Gun got more people to sign up for the armed forces than any actual military campaign.

The key is to appeal to their sexual urges.

>>40127
"Someone" is an interesting way to refer to McDonalds.

>>40132
Although there's crossover between greenies and ACAB anarchists, you're focusing too much on the cop angle. Crudely speaking, the article is more anti-McDonalds than anti-Police. It showcases that McDonalds (a major polluter) has an interest in seeing the police are there to arrest and beat up climate protestors, and is willing to give them free shit to help them do so. The police are in a villain role, but it's one you take as read - they're here to beat people up, that's what they do. McDonalds helping them shows that McDonalds doesn't just do their as-read role of selling unhealthy food made of dead animals, they cross over into helping the state beat people up. Oh dear, taka-taka-taka, there's the novelty of the article.

>>40133

But it doesn't work on him so he's totally justified in being dismissive of the filthy anarchist, law-breaking scum who think it does work on people.

>>40134

Fair enough, it's not like I bothered to read it anyway to be honest. To me that sounds like they're broadening the appeal a bit for middle class organic vegan types, who like a bit of general anti-Police (especially the Met, who are notorious non-respecters of Women), without going all in on the more divisive "ACAB defund the police" type of rhetoric.

>>40133
>>40135

Well you see what I'd do is seduce the rabbit into being a crooked cop, get her hooked on drugs, which I control the supply of to keep her in my pocket, then gradually corrupt her morals and values until she's both a slut and a sell-out, before finally snuffing her on an underground pred/prey livestream.

But that isn't the point, the point is people who say things like "copaganda" are invariably dickheads.

>>40134
>It showcases that McDonalds (a major polluter) has an interest in seeing the police are there to arrest and beat up climate protestors, and is willing to give them free shit to help them do so
>McDonalds helping them shows that McDonalds doesn't just do their as-read role of selling unhealthy food made of dead animals, they cross over into helping the state beat people up.

I'm confused, are you saying that McDonald's lured the police over as a paedophile lures children with sweeties or that it plies them with tea, which McDonald's believes gives the police brutality powers?

>>40136

Can't argue with that, you're the only one saying it here.

>>40137

I took it to mean more that McDonalds, being a very much Establishment kind of corporation, have a vested interest in the police doing their job (i.e cracking the skulls of eco-poofters and the such like) because letting eco-poofters shut down the city is bad for their business; which creates a sort of... Whatever the inverse of a conflict of interest is. Which is bad.

Sort of like reporting that the sky is blue if you're the type of cynical lefty leaning sort like most of us seem to be, but I suppose someone needs to hear it.

>>40138

I'm glad I made my point clear then, carry on.

>>40137
The reality will be that McDonald's want the rozzers on their side because smackheads gravitate there and it'll occasionally kick off due to loads of people ending their night out there, but that doesn't sound sinister enough.

>>40134

McDonald's is a franchise. The decision to offer tea and coffee to coppers was a decision made by individual franchise owners, not McDonald's corporate. As >>40140 says, it's a straightforward and pragmatic decision for a small business owner to make. Being nice to coppers is a very cheap investment in security, which is particularly relevant when there are thousands of angry people on your doorstep.

>>40140
It's still slightly sinister to try and butter up the cops for preferential treatment. But not sinister enough you can't cover it up with some more pleasant sounding language... it's all public spiritedness, no quid-pro-pro here, and even if there was it's not illegal, so get off their back already...

>>40142
When I worked for the NHS I used to shamelessly flirt with one of the canteen women so I'd get an extra rasher of bacon in a morning. Was that sinister?

>>40143
Did your flirting involve implicitly giving them favourable treatment in the NHS itself?

>>40144
Probably made their fanny froth a little.

>>40144

I think you're reading too much into it. Giving free brews to coppers is self-rewarding, simply because coppers will have to show up on your premises to get their freebies. There doesn't have to be an implied quid-pro-quo of favourable treatment for the gesture to be worthwhile; coppers turning up for tea and a piss is the reward in itself, because it's an obvious deterrent to crime and antisocial behaviour on your premises.