I challenge you to find the existing thread for such strories.

>>36632
It's about 1,850 posts long, it's time for a new thread.

>>36633
Your mum needs a new thread IYKWIM

>>36636
I'd give her a few days, she's just had a tuna and sweetcorn sandwich.

>Gardaí are investigating the death of an elderly man in Carlow town, whose body was brought into a post office by two other men, in what appeared to be an attempt to claim the deceased man’s pension.

>The bizarre series of events began when a man entered the post office premises of Hosey’s shop and post office on Staplestown Road at about 11.30 am on Friday, seeking to collect the weekly pension on behalf of another man. He was informed by a staff member that the man himself would have to be present if payment of the pension was to be made.

>This man left and a short time later two men, accompanied by a third man in his 60s, entered the post office. These two men are appear have sought pension payment for the third man, who appeared to be propped up. A woman who had become suspicious of the men’s movements alerted a post office staff member and no cash was handed over. The body of the deceased was then left at the scene when the two men fled after suspicions were raised.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/ireland/irish-news/garda%C3%AD-investigating-after-man-s-body-used-in-apparent-attempt-to-claim-pension-1.4782598

>Janet says at one point her pet dog Kirby ate one of her ears
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-leeds-60317898

>>36959
I'm willing to bet at least 50% of .gs userbase would fuck that.

>>36962

We do have some standards m8. She looks like someone put a garden gnome in the microwave.

>>36962

When did 50% of .gs become Adam Pearson?

I know you're a bunch of no-class misanthropes but mocking people with genetic disorders does seem like a new low. Not to be a no-fun Nicolas, but there has to be a line somewhere.

>>36967
It doesn't fit with the point of the thread, either.

>>36967
Thanks for being my moral compass, I really appreciate it and will never take the piss out of anyone else because who knows what problems they face.

Thanks for making me a better person.

>>36967

>>36970

Give it a rest.

Funky brownies can or ordered by mail now? I would love this.

>Residents on quiet Barnsley street speechless after discovering their estate is shaped as a penis

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/residents-quiet-barnsley-street-speechless-23192571

Yep.

>>37466
Fucking Juggalos

>>37466
She's kind of fit without all the shit.

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/real-life/mum-britains-biggest-eyebrows-looks-26373599

Sounds like she did the whole thing to get Tiktok famous.

>>37565

Right, but we still need to address the tacky tattoos.

>>37588
>Sammie-Jo Halliford, from Grimsby,

>On Friday, March 11, I decided to see how long it would take me to travel from Northallerton to Sheffield

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/news/local-news/rode-train-north-south-yorkshire-23365681

He's at it again.

>A Yorkshire burger van owner has promoted his business on Mother’s Day by featuring missing tot Madeleine McCann and her mum.

>The Otley Burger Company in Boroughgate, Leeds, wrote: “With burgers this good, you’ll leave your kids at home. What’s the worst that could happen [sic] Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums out there.”

https://www.examinerlive.co.uk/whats-on/yorkshire-burger-van-promotes-mothers-23515941

>>38037
LOL

(A good day to you Sir!)

Mum furious as son's Toby Carvery foot-long hot dog looks like 'ET's finger'

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mum-furious-sons-toby-carvery-26773452

Dublin man goes to Lidl for milk and comes out with remote control forklift

https://www.dublinlive.ie/news/dublin-news/dublin-man-goes-lidl-milk-24121724

>>38640
The thing that makes this the perfect fit for this thread is that not only is it just "we asked people what they bought in the middle aisle", they probably had to overlook what was actually in the middle aisle to do it.

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/dublin-grocery-store-shoppers-glimpse-viking-history-beneath-their-feet-180976150/

>Kids climb over fence to enjoy closed West Park splash area

https://www.hullPlease don't ban me.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/kids-climb-over-fence-enjoy-7459018

>>39099

>"Park facilities will re-open once the travellers have left."

Also, a classic:

This Morning is completely fucking mental. Holly Willoughby once interviewed a sex robot.

>>39100
Does the gilfy cripple have an OF?

Woman hospitalised for three days after dog poos on her face while sleeping

A woman is recovering from a horrendous ordeal after her daughter's dog accidentally did a poo on her face while she was asleep - and left her hospitalised. Amanda Gommo, 51, was taking an afternoon nap with chihuahua Belle when the pup became ill and had violent diarrhoea.

The mum-of-three was asleep with her mouth open, top and tailing with Belle, when the messy accident occurred, and some got in her mouth. She ran to the bathroom to be sick but later ended up in hospital with a gastrointestinal infection - passed on from her pooch.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-hospitalised-three-days-after-28081036

>>39359

What to do first when your dog shits in your mouth:

[x] Post a selfie on social media

>A man has been tormented by a stranger screaming 'porridge' through his letterbox. The heckles happened at strange hours in the middle of the night over the course of three weeks, he said.

>YorkshireLive reports he wrote: "Apologies if this post is not allowed but I am wanting to get to the bottom of this as I’m at my wit's end. I live at range court flats in Boothtown and for the past three weeks someone is STILL been opening my letter box flap in the middle of the night and shouting 'PORRIDGE'. Sometime it’s 'PORRIDGE TIME PAPPA BEAR' or once it was 'EAT IT BEFORE IT GOES COLD PAPPA'. - (this bit said in a whisper). Before you ask no, porridge had not been left at any times, this is clearly a unwelcome visitor and I would it to stop ASAP. If this is you, grow up."

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/mans-torment-mystery-stranger-keeps-28190549

>>39511

This has to be the most British way ever of harrassing somebody.

>>39515
I'm finding it really funny though.

I think they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel making a big deal over Murder She Wrote being dead. Has anybody ever willingly watched a full episode of Murder She Wrote? It was the sort of program that only existed to torture kids who had to stay over at their nan's house who didn't have Sky or a video player.

>>39546

Any self-respecting bored kid watched Quincy.

>>39546
Murder, She Wrote and Diagnosis Murder were the shit.

>>39547

Quincy, M.E. if you remember. It's easy to forget.


Just one more thing...

>Dad blasts Asda after staff sell his 7-year-old son a £2 scratchcard

https://www.derbytelegraph.co.uk/news/real-life/dad-blasts-asda-after-asda-7917221

Lurch and Pugsley.

>>39680
I always wonder what motivates someone to go to the press and report shit like this. I can't imagine they get much money for the story.

>>39902
>>39909

Apparently it's gone worldwide. Must be the only funny thing to have happened recently in the hell world of February 2023.

>>39910
>Apparently it's gone worldwide

Probably to do with Netflix's success with Wednesday.

>>39910


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9U4Ha9HQvMo

>Hull's grimmest bench in a garden of rubbish surrounded by overgrown bushes

https://www.hullPlease don't ban me.co.uk/news/hull-east-yorkshire-news/hulls-grimmest-bench-garden-rubbish-8170509

>>39992

Looks like the perfect spot for some al fresco drinking. Mine's a White Ace.

>>39993
I'll take a refreshing lager drink. Karpackie, if you please.

A 70-year-old man who carried out an indecent act as a woman danced naked in the window of a town centre flat, has been given a community order.

Kevin Stewart was arrested after he was seen with his trousers round his ankles and his hands in his pants while stood in front of a window in Whitehaven.

There was a female “completely naked” in the window dancing in front of him, Workington Magistrates’ Court heard.

Stewart said he had “problems in the trousers department” and hadn’t been diagnosed with erectile dysfunction but suffers from it.

He couldn’t give an account of how the witnesses could describe his underpants. He also commented that he needed to get a good divorce lawyer.

https://www.whitehavennews.co.uk/news/23365853.man-70-sentenced-indecent-act-woman-danced-naked-window/

>>40028
>Kevin Stewart was arrested after he was seen with his trousers round his ankles and his hands in his pants while stood in front of a window in Whitehaven.

>>40028
>Stewart was given a six-month community order, with 15 rehabilitation activity requirement days. He was fined £80 and ordered to pay £85 costs and a £95 victim surcharge.

Does this mean anything when you're over 70? You can't exactly give a man a curfew whose put himself to bed at 6. You're not going to be getting much activity out of him.

'Magic' button defrosts car windscreen in seconds - and some drivers had no clue

Just as we thought the first signs of spring were coming, temperatures have started to plummet yet again, with ice and snow appearing rather than flowers and sunshine.

Many places across the UK have woken up to snow this morning and will continue to for the rest of the week, so as the days get cold and the nights even colder, many of us will be waking up to find our car windscreen completely frozen, making us potentially late for work. But rather than reaching for the scraper and standing in the snow, a driving expert has revealed there's no need to suffer, as you can get rid of the ice from inside your car as it's warming up thanks to a handy button.

Driving Test Success - who are the UK's leading provider of Theory Test revision materials - shared a video on their TikTok account @drivingtestsuccess where they explained you can clear ice cover by simply activating your car windscreen fan. This will heat up the glass from the inside and therefore help to melt the frost away. In the company's video, they explained: "Frozen windscreen? Put the temperature on high. Put the front windscreen fan on max. The ice will start to melt from the heat. Wipe away excess water and return the fan to normal."

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/defrost-windscreen-driving-button-snow-28674748

>>40033
You ought not to share purposely idiotic advertorials.

This morning as I left work I was puzzled by everyone painstakingly scraping snow off their cars, with some splashing boiling water around. What's wrong with using your window wipers when it's just snow and not ice?

>>40034
It could be icy underneath or gone hard and compacted overnight. I burnt the motor on my first car's rear wiper trying to clear snow off the window.

>>40035
I used my finger in conjunction with my eyeballs to determine this was not the case.

>>40036

It's still going to put more strain on the motor. Snow is pretty heavy, as you'll know if you've gone to put the rubbish out and the bin lid has 6 inches on top. Definitely not a bad idea to scrape it off first.

I usually just get the sweeping brush out, turn the car on and set the heaters on full whack while I sweep it all off the roof and windows in one go. Then you can let the wipers just get rid of the leftovers which should already be melting and thus of little threat.

Boiling water is supposedly risky because it can cause cracks, but I think the risk is overstated. I've done that a couple of times if I'm already running late and don't have time to fanny about with the scraper. And even then that's only for necessary ice, not snow.

>>40037

>Boiling water is supposedly risky because it can cause cracks, but I think the risk is overstated.

It's perfectly safe on a fully intact windscreen, but there's a high risk of turning a chip into a crack.

>>40038
I wonder if there's a French version of the Safestyle UK man.

>>40038
I will never understand why it's called Carglass in foreign countries, but Autoglass over here where we actually call them cars. The Dutch for "car" is "auto" so that's just doubly mystifying when they call it Carglass.

>>40038

The key is to avoid extreme temperature differences. You can use lukewarm water safely to about a temperature that you will get from a warm water tap. The ice on the windscreen will still melt and also neutralise most of the heat before it does damage. But boiling hot water creates tension in the glass because a part of your windscreen will expand suddenly and rapidly. This unevenness can create forces in the glass that will cause it to crack.

A friend got a shattered windscreen once on holiday in Italy after his car had been sitting in the sun in mid-July for a few hours and for some reason somebody threw a water balloon right onto the middle of the windscreen. Same effect really, the sudden contraction in the glass where the cold water from the balloon hit created tension that it couldn't take.

They had to go to a shop to get the entire windscreen replaced.

>>40040

Generally speaking, you can't trademark a purely descriptive term.

You may have noticed that supermarket own-brand Corn Flakes are called Corn Flakes, but own-brand Rice Krispies are called something like Crisp Rice or Rice Snaps. "Corn Flakes" is a literal description of the product and can't be trademarked, but "Krispies" is a made-up word.

Also this video makes me feel like I'm having a stroke:

>>40040

Autoglass are also pretty expensive if you actually need to replace your windscreen when it's no longer just about filling up a chip with epoxy. My mum's car (old C-class Merc) has a windscreen that is starting to delaminate. It's in the bottom right corner, so it's in the driver's field of view. It's a cloudy spot in the glass about the size of an adult's hand that turns milky white whenever there's wet weather. We already got an MOT advisory for it in October. Autoglass told us it'll be £1,200 to fix it. My mum has £500 excess on her comprehensive car insurance, so she'd still be out the 500 quid.

The windscreen itself is about 300 quid OEM-quality aftermarket. I'm not sure what they think they'll spend the other £900 on while they're swapping it out. We've considered going to an independent garage, but it's not going to make a big difference because my mum will probably have to pay £500 either way.

>>40043
If you have comprehensive insurance it's almost certainly covered under that for the standard charge of £115.

>>40044
Yes this. Windscreen repairs or replacements usually have a separate lower excess than the main one.

A normal day in Leeds.

> Police were able to track down a couple of car thieves in Leeds after they left footprints in the snow leading to their home.
>
> West Yorkshire Police's Dog Support Unit tweeted that two of 'Leeds' finest' ran off after abandoning a car they'd stolen. But police were able to track them down by following footprints in the heavy snow all the way back to their house on Thursday night.
>
> Officers said the thieves received the day's 'dumbest criminal award'. Deep snow fell across the country throughout Thursday night and into Friday.

>>40044
>>40045

Ah, good to know. I'll have to check my mum's policy then.

1200 quid to replace a windscreen that will probably cost them no more to source than the £300 I saw one for on Autodoc still seems a bit much.

>>40044
>>40045
Not only that, but on a fully comp policy a windscreen claim alone typically doesn't count for no-claims purposes.

>'Closing down sale' signs appear in Harrogate shop in prestigious town centre street

https://www.harrogateadvertiser.co.uk/heritage-and-retro/heritage/closing-down-sale-signs-appear-in-harrogate-shop-in-prestigious-town-centre-street-4082231

https://www.chad.co.uk/news/people/call-for-crackdown-on-erratic-and-dangerous-mobility-scooter-drivers-in-mansfield-town-centre-4081144

>>40092
No way is there a local newspaper called "The Chad". Perhaps there is in the African nation of Chad, but I refuse to believe your one exists.

Woman who claims to be Madeleine McCann turns out not to be.

https://www.msn.com/en-gb/health/familyhealth/woman-who-claims-to-be-madeleine-mccann-receives-dna-test-results/ar-AA19rUSy?cvid=71c57bf787c2499ea93a69dd6fc8769d&ocid=winp2fptaskbar&ei=12

Oh well. The hunt goes on.

>>40094
No way would Maddie be fat if she were alive.

>>40095

Look at Natasha Kampusch today.

>>40094

>Wendell's parents said she has fabricated the claims and that 'it's obvious she isn't' the missing British girl.


You know you've fucked up when even your own parents distance themselves from you publicly.

>>40097
I bet Phillip Schofield's brother realised the error of his ways, having diddled a young boy, when Phillip Schofield disowned him.

>>40094
I skimmed an MSN news article earlier about a 'Coronation Street legend' dying. I got halfway through before I realised it was about the character, Kevin Webster's dad, rather than the actor itself. I didn't realise journalists covered future soap storylines.

>>40099

Many former credible and semi-credible news sites have long switched their content to being just curated clickbait.

Not all of them are as bad as the Huffington Post, but there are loads of other websites that aren't far behind.

>>40099
My own personal rule for trusting news is:

TV news >>>>> news websites > social media recommendations of news stories > print media

If you only get your news from the TV, you miss a lot of shit and almost no worthwhile stories.

McDonald’s restaurants offered the Metropolitan police cut-price burgers and free hot drinks during Extinction Rebellion protests – but senior officers warned staff not to “flaunt” it, documents show.

Franchises also granted liberal use of their toilets during the central London demonstrations. A police chief praised this in an internal email as a “convenient” deal that would “allow short breaks” for patrolling officers.

I am truly appalled that someone would offer a cup of tea to a public servant.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/apr/21/mcdonalds-offered-met-police-cheap-burgers-and-free-drinks-during-xr-protests

>>40127
Public servants aren't allowed to accept gifts you moron.

>>40127
It's gone down well on the PoliceUK sub.

https://www.rudgwicksteamshow.co.uk.com/r/policeuk/comments/12tvthq/more_quality_journalism_by_the_guardian_s/

>>40128

Yes they are, they just need to declare it, which they did.

A gift and hospitality declaration seen by the Guardian shows an offer of “free Teas [sic] and coffees” was accepted by the force at six McDonald’s branches.

>>40127
I'm trying to work out who the target audience of this article would be as opposed to say, covering the subsidised meals in Parliament. It really does seem like a clickrage article where the reporter even manages to make life incredibly stressful with the inevitable investigation that will follow.

>>40128
Actually you log it on a gifts and hospitality register. As it says in the article and as I myself have filled out many times. Have you somehow missed that every fast-food restaurant in the land has some kind of discount for police and NHS?

>>40131

>I'm trying to work out who the target audience of this article would be

The type of people who say pic related is an example of "copaganda".

>>40132
This sort of thing is how you actually recruit people. In the Navy by Village People and the volleyball scene from Top Gun got more people to sign up for the armed forces than any actual military campaign.

The key is to appeal to their sexual urges.

>>40127
"Someone" is an interesting way to refer to McDonalds.

>>40132
Although there's crossover between greenies and ACAB anarchists, you're focusing too much on the cop angle. Crudely speaking, the article is more anti-McDonalds than anti-Police. It showcases that McDonalds (a major polluter) has an interest in seeing the police are there to arrest and beat up climate protestors, and is willing to give them free shit to help them do so. The police are in a villain role, but it's one you take as read - they're here to beat people up, that's what they do. McDonalds helping them shows that McDonalds doesn't just do their as-read role of selling unhealthy food made of dead animals, they cross over into helping the state beat people up. Oh dear, taka-taka-taka, there's the novelty of the article.

>>40133

But it doesn't work on him so he's totally justified in being dismissive of the filthy anarchist, law-breaking scum who think it does work on people.

>>40134

Fair enough, it's not like I bothered to read it anyway to be honest. To me that sounds like they're broadening the appeal a bit for middle class organic vegan types, who like a bit of general anti-Police (especially the Met, who are notorious non-respecters of Women), without going all in on the more divisive "ACAB defund the police" type of rhetoric.

>>40133
>>40135

Well you see what I'd do is seduce the rabbit into being a crooked cop, get her hooked on drugs, which I control the supply of to keep her in my pocket, then gradually corrupt her morals and values until she's both a slut and a sell-out, before finally snuffing her on an underground pred/prey livestream.

But that isn't the point, the point is people who say things like "copaganda" are invariably dickheads.

>>40134
>It showcases that McDonalds (a major polluter) has an interest in seeing the police are there to arrest and beat up climate protestors, and is willing to give them free shit to help them do so
>McDonalds helping them shows that McDonalds doesn't just do their as-read role of selling unhealthy food made of dead animals, they cross over into helping the state beat people up.

I'm confused, are you saying that McDonald's lured the police over as a paedophile lures children with sweeties or that it plies them with tea, which McDonald's believes gives the police brutality powers?

>>40136

Can't argue with that, you're the only one saying it here.

>>40137

I took it to mean more that McDonalds, being a very much Establishment kind of corporation, have a vested interest in the police doing their job (i.e cracking the skulls of eco-poofters and the such like) because letting eco-poofters shut down the city is bad for their business; which creates a sort of... Whatever the inverse of a conflict of interest is. Which is bad.

Sort of like reporting that the sky is blue if you're the type of cynical lefty leaning sort like most of us seem to be, but I suppose someone needs to hear it.

>>40138

I'm glad I made my point clear then, carry on.

>>40137
The reality will be that McDonald's want the rozzers on their side because smackheads gravitate there and it'll occasionally kick off due to loads of people ending their night out there, but that doesn't sound sinister enough.

>>40134

McDonald's is a franchise. The decision to offer tea and coffee to coppers was a decision made by individual franchise owners, not McDonald's corporate. As >>40140 says, it's a straightforward and pragmatic decision for a small business owner to make. Being nice to coppers is a very cheap investment in security, which is particularly relevant when there are thousands of angry people on your doorstep.

>>40140
It's still slightly sinister to try and butter up the cops for preferential treatment. But not sinister enough you can't cover it up with some more pleasant sounding language... it's all public spiritedness, no quid-pro-pro here, and even if there was it's not illegal, so get off their back already...

>>40142
When I worked for the NHS I used to shamelessly flirt with one of the canteen women so I'd get an extra rasher of bacon in a morning. Was that sinister?

>>40143
Did your flirting involve implicitly giving them favourable treatment in the NHS itself?

>>40144
Probably made their fanny froth a little.

>>40144

I think you're reading too much into it. Giving free brews to coppers is self-rewarding, simply because coppers will have to show up on your premises to get their freebies. There doesn't have to be an implied quid-pro-quo of favourable treatment for the gesture to be worthwhile; coppers turning up for tea and a piss is the reward in itself, because it's an obvious deterrent to crime and antisocial behaviour on your premises.

>>40146

The "reward in itself" is the implicit quo for the quid off the coffee. If they're spending a disproportionate amount of time in the vicinity of your premises, then they're failing to be an obvious deterrent to crime and antisocial behaviour in the vicinity of other places, which are equally deserving of protection as they pay their share of taxes towards police funding. It's legal, it's low-level and it's white-collar but it's bribery.

>>40147

Coppers need to eat and drink and go for a piss, regardless of whether they're offered hospitality by a burger bar. There's nothing stopping, say, Pret a Manger from making a similar offer, but I don't think they'd want a regular police presence on their premises. Without the hospitality offered by McDonald's, it's reasonable to expect that coppers would spend more time going back to the station and less time out on the street.

It's perfectly reasonable to argue that it's a kind of low-level bribery, but I really struggle to see who loses out.

>>40148

Aside from the fact it establishes that police bribery is okay if you can justify it to yourself, if they weren't needed elsewhere then McDonald's would have no incentive to bribe them, as they'd be attending to it already.

A Sunderland man has pleaded guilty to causing unnecessary suffering to a wild bird in a 'bizarre' attack.

David Lee, 40, from Roker Avenue, appeared at South Tyneside Magistrates' Court on Tuesday, April 25, charged with carrying out a sexual act involving a herring gull that caused unnecessary suffering to the bird. This is an offence under the Animal Welfare Act 2006.

CCTV footage played in court showed the defendant kneeling down in an alleyway near Gladstone Street, Sunderland, at around 1am, with a wild bird between his legs. He is seen pulling his pants off and appearing to masturbate with the bird close to his groin area while watching pornography on his phone before kicking the bird away and walking off.

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/sunderland-man-attack-herring-gull-26779242

>>40170
Those Herring Gulls are hngry for everything, the lad was doing it a favour.

>Mum left touched by son’s loving letter makes it permanent with heartwarming tattoo

https://www.deadlinenews.co.uk/2023/06/20/mum-left-touched-by-sons-letter-makes-it-permanent-with-tattoo/

Pearfect.

https://www.thenorthernecho.co.uk/news/23603576.sunderland-man-performed-sex-act-seagull-sentenced/

>A man who admitted performing a sex act while kneeling over a captured seagull and watching pornography on his mobile phone is to be sentenced.

>David Lee, 40, from Roker Avenue, Sunderland, admitted causing unnecessary suffering to the bird at 1am last August 17.

>South Tyneside Magistrates’ Court was shown CCTV of the “bizarre” incident, which happened in a back street of Gladstone Street, Sunderland, when Lee pleaded guilty in April.


never been to Sunderland, but it doesn't look like I've missed much.

>>40363

>>40366

I'm guessing they'll now update the song to include the lad who fucked a seagull. If not, they'll definitely miss a trick.

>A man who used a stolen lorry cab to make off with a trailer loaded with almost 200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs before surrendering to police has been jailed for 18 months.

>Joby Pool, 32, used a metal grinder to break into an industrial unit in Telford, Shropshire, on February 11, before driving off with assorted chocolate goods worth more than £31,000.

https://www.itv.com/news/central/2023-07-20/man-who-admitted-stealing-nearly-200000-cadbury-creme-eggs-is-jailed

>>40658

what exactly do you do with 200,000 creme eggs.

>>40659

>>40660

That'd be quite a record then.

>>40661
That's only the easter record. We don't know how big the christmas and birthdays world records get.

>>40662

> We don't know how big the christmas and birthdays world records get.

Hey, it's Christmas. Treat yourself.

>A man from Boscombe in Dorset faces time in jail after he admitted sneaking onto a farm and having sex with a cow in Christchurch.

>Liam Brown, 25, snuck onto the farm in the dead of night in Burton in June 2022. He was caught by farmers who had introduced increased surveillance, due to suspicions livestock were being abused.

>A DNA sample taken from a calf proved "intercourse" had taken place on 12 June last year.

https://www.itv.com/news/meridian/2023-08-30/man-25-faces-jail-after-admitting-sex-act-with-cow-at-farm

Don't leave your spunk inside a baby cow, lads.

>>40921

He could at least have used a condom. Who knows who that cow has been with.

>>40922
That's no way to talk about your mum.

>>40923

You're right, it isn't. So stop doing it.

Mass XL Bully walk planned in Birmingham as owners say 'breed is not the problem'

https://www.birminghammail.co.uk/news/midlands-news/mass-xl-bully-walk-planned-27752197

>A mass XL Bully dog walk is being planned in Birmingham - "Bring as many people and kids as possible. Friendly walk!"
>Steve Constantinou, who runs Spartan Kennels in Coventry, said Brummie XL Bully owners were hiring out private fields, where dogs can run without a lead

FRIENDLY WALK!

>>40961

I know it's a horrible thing to think, but I really do hope that someone gets savagely mauled, just for the comedy value.

>>40967

Honestly if I were a betting man I'd put money on that being the exact outcome. Not because of any feelings about the dogs, just because it's just so fucking obvious of a sod's law kind of thing to happen. It definitely will.

>>40961
Obviously a Bully XL wrote that advert - next stage is getting them to start posting on here

>>40975
How do we know they aren't already? They could be the ones seeing women as pieces of meat.

>>40961
In some ways they're right. The dog isn't to blame. Not because it's "natural behaviour" or "wild instincts" - none of the fuckers will have been in a natural or wild environment in their lives.

>>40976
Well that's just unfair. Most dogs can tell whether a bitch is in heat or not.

A pigeon so funny they played it twice.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-66887236

>A prominent British crocodile expert and academic has pleaded guilty to 56 charges of bestiality involving the rape, torture and killing of dogs. Adam Britton tortured and exploited more than 42 dogs until his arrest in April 2022, Australian media reported.

https://news.sky.com/story/sadistic-british-crocodile-expert-adam-britton-admits-sexually-abusing-and-killing-dozens-of-dogs-12970110

>>41056

Nevermind Russel Brand, this guy is a real monster.

>>41057

Innocent until proven guilty, remember.

>>41058
They're not gonna make a dog take the stand so it can be cross-examined about getting diddled.

>>41059

That's for the court to decide. Not you and me.

>>41058

He's already plead guilty.

>>41057
I hope they start calling him Jack Russell Brand.

>>41062
Audible mirth.

>Cops struggled to keep hold of pervert who rubbed stolen bubble bath on himself

https://The Metro is owned by the Daily Mail./2023/09/26/man-broke-into-exs-home-and-stole-her-bubble-bath-then-ran-off-naked-19558619/

Woman slams selfish paragliders who 'made her think Hamas were invading Doncaster'

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/woman-slams-selfish-paragliders-who-31211598

>>41210
This is still making me laugh.

>Devastated Yorkshire man forced to sell his 'dream' campervan after vegan wires 'eaten by rats'

https://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/lifestyle/cars/devastated-yorkshire-man-forced-to-sell-his-dream-campervan-after-vegan-wires-eaten-by-rats-4405700

>>41253
Vegan wires? This I have to hear.

>>41254
The van was stock. Some people say vehicle manufacturers are using soy in the wiring looms. Other people say it's a myth.

>>41255

Rodents love chewing wires, to the extent that it's a major cause of house fires.

I'm not aware of any cable manufacturer that produces soy-based insulation and I'm not sure what material they would conceivably use. Soy protein polymers are rapidly biodegradable, which is good for food packaging or disposable forks but terrible for anything that's expected to last for 15 years under a car bonnet. Bio-based polypropylene and polyethylene use industrial ethanol as their feedstock, which is mainly produced from maize or wood pulp; the finished product is chemically indistinguishable from the same polymer made from a petrochemical feedstock. PA11 is a bio-based polymer that is sometimes used for cable sheathing, but it's made from castor beans rather than soy and is more resistant to chewing than PA, PE or PVC. Maybe someone is using soy-based PUR for cable sheathing, but I've only ever heard of it being used as a foam material for upholstery.

I can't definitively say that it's a myth, but I don't think it's particularly credible.

>>41256
>>41255
I can confirm that rodents will happily munch on electrical wires no matter what you make them of. They don't exactly need much incentive to chew on things.

About 15 years ago my brother had a business based in rural farmland that would regularly have the burglar alarms go off in the middle of the night as mice chewed through the cables. Apparently they absolutely loved chewing on them and would actively seek them out, which only compounded the issue that once farmers shipped out their produce you would have hundreds of hungry mice going exploring who were previously pissing on your cornflakes.

And guess which mug had to get up and go with him every time to investigate because the police don't actually police rural industrial sites despite them taking a hefty payment to respond to alarms. Then you had to sit around waiting for the electrician to sort it yet again who is no doubt all too happy with the situation.

So no it sounds like some bollocks a tradesman came up with once and it sounded plausible enough to be repeated.

Anger over ironing board abandoned on Ben Nevis

An ironing board abandoned at the top of Ben Nevis has angered hillwalkers in the Scottish Highlands.

It was photographed last week resting against the ruined walls of the 19th century Ben Nevis observatory.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-highlands-islands-67437740

I wondered why my local shop had stopped stocking Caramac. I'm devestated :(

>>41270

I heard they were only sold for money laundering purposes anyhow.

>>41271
I wish our government was more whimsically corrupt like cornershops are. Imagine if instead of procurement contracts for covid tests they'd simply sent Caramacs to every household and those that couldn't taste it would have to self-isolate.

>>41270
Is this a regional thing or something? Never came across these before.

>>41273

I'd imagine they are more popular up in Scotland and the Norf because it's sort of similar to tablet. My mum comes from a Scottish family (so I suppose technically so do I) and she loved Caramacs (although not enough to buy them more than once a year or so mind you).

I as soon as you get south of Norwhich and Birmingham, they stop existing and the closest you can get is boutique organic caramel fudge from vegan pop up patisseries.

>>41270

Cadbury Caramilk is nicer. Don't @ me.

>>41275

I'll do you one better and suggest Milkybar Gold (if you can find any).

>Don't @ me
Oh no. So this was what >>>/101/34708 was concerned about.

University Challenge viewers criticise ‘anti-Semitic’ blue octopus mascot as show is hit by backlash

People watching the popular quiz say the BBC has ‘serious questions to answer’ after Christ Church Oxford appeared with the large cuddly stuffed toy.

Viewers further pointed out that one of the contestants on the show, Melika Gorgianeh, appeared to be wearing the colours of the Palestinian flag. However others said the colours of her clothing was a coincidence and were not in the correct colours of the flag.

The Nazis used a blue octopus in some cartoons as an offensive anti-Semitic trope.

https://www.lbc.co.uk/news/university-challenge-viewers-criticise-blue-octopus-mascot/

It's all so tiresome.

>>41277

You know when somebody in our life is just constantly a fucking prick, and then complains that people are always giving them the cold shoulder?

I'm starting to think that's basically what historical anti-semitism actually is, except with genocides instead of unanswered emails.

>>41277
If anyone can be relied on to prefer Palestine over Israel, it’s students. But that octopus isn’t even blue.

>>41277
Looks more like they're warning us about Russian imperialism. When will University Challenge be denazified?

Self-proclaimed 'gay furry hackers' breach nuclear lab

The nuclear research hub Idaho National Laboratory (INL) confirmed that it fell victim to a data breach on Tuesday. SiegedSec, a group of self-proclaimed "gay furry hackers," took responsibility for the attack and claimed they accessed sensitive employee data like social security numbers, home addresses and more.

"We're willing to make a deal with INL. If they research creating irl catgirls we will take down this post," SiegedSec wrote in a post announcing the leak on Monday.

https://www.engadget.com/self-proclaimed-gay-furry-hackers-breach-nuclear-lab-152034192.html

Bristol Airport has been forced to defend its new multi-faith area after it was compared to a bus shelter.

The airport issued a four-paragraph statement explaining its decision after the unveiling of the new car park facility was mocked by social media users over its appearance.

An photograph of the structure was posted on the airport’s Twitter feed on Thursday morning, stating that it would provide a “private space to reflect and pray whilst waiting to collect friends and family”.

The prayer space, which opened this week, is just off the airport’s “Silver Zone” roundabout where people wait to collect travellers.

The bit that is really annoying me is how badly it is installed. They couldn't even be bothered to line it up right so it doesn't encroach on the footpath behind.

>>41290

Guarantee you people will be hanging about it smoking fags within a fortnight. Bike shelters at our wok are the same way. Make it look like a smoking area, and it is a smoking area.

>>41290
Has anyone ever tried shagging in one of these rooms?

Think about it. These are very rarely used spaces and when they are it's at specific and known times of day. The only chance you're going to get interrupted is if one of those trendy priests come in and he'd probably knock first and not grass you up.

>>41292
Parliament House in Canberra (which is exactly what it sounds like) has had such an incident, and all I can say on the matter is that your reasoning was spot on.

>>41290
It's not really multifaith is it? The only major religions in the UK that require praying during the day is Islam, right? I could be mistaken. In the places I've studied/worked, I've never seen multi-faith rooms used by anyone but eskimos. Unless the airport has some sort of chaplaincy?

>>41294

It's pretty obviously a euphemism. I've occasionally used a multifaith room to meditate in, but I have got some funny looks from eskimos occasionally.

A community centre near me had to close their multifaith room not long after opening it, because the bathroom kept getting flooded by people doing wudu and nobody paid a blind bit of notice to the "do not wash your feet in the sink" signs.

>>41292
>trendy priests
Shagging in morosely efficient multi-faith bus shelters sounds like exactly the sort of antics MES would endorse.

>A wedding DJ has admitted to common assault and been banned for life from a tennis club in Wales after he filmed himself urinating on a cancer patient – before sharing the clip on Snapchat.

>Leigh Brookfield deliberately splashed victim Peter Barton at the Llanelli Tennis and Squash Club on Boxing Day, Llanelli Magistrates' Court was told. The 40-year-old could now face time behind bars after he was bailed ahead of sentencing next year.

>After he was criticised over the grim incident, he wrote on Facebook: “I'm apologising to you all regarding my actions this evening. I'm deeply sorry for those who I have offended and if I could take it all back I would. It's just something me and the boys do when we are drunk and until watching the video back I didn't realise that the nice gentleman next to me was going through health problems.”

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/wedding-dj-faces-prison-after-31778980

Eastleigh ex-swingers speak out about 'scary' websites

[I]A pair of former swingers are demanding the closure of websites promoting the activity after facing a torrent of abuse.

Elvis Sharps, 43, and his partner Tracy Doncaster say they were subject to death threats and derogatory comments. The pair started swinging – openly having a sexual relationship with other people – 12 years ago. But the Chandler’s Ford couple are now calling for websites and clubs to be closed down.

Elvis said: “We started swinging because we wanted to add more excitement to our relationship, and we wanted to make friends too. We got a lot of abuse from the first time we did it, with people calling us fat, saying we look like mother and son. People were judging us by our looks. We met one couple about three times, but they turned against us for no reason. We stopped swinging in January 2023 because things got so bad.”

https://www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/24062262.eastleigh-ex-swingers-speak-scary-websites/

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

>>41295
There's a "serenity" room at work which basically a "multi faith" area. I meditate there once or twice a day and I know there's a handful of others that do the same. Respectful nod kind of relationship.

In a previous job, I worked with mostly eskimos. There was a dedicated prayer area in the shop which Abba (I know) used to pray. I'm still not sure how it works, but some other eskimos used the shop to pray, I'd point them at the prayer area but they'd refuse and pray in the warehouse instead.

>>41332

I enjoy the way the article gives no indication of what websites because the purpose of the article isn't to highlight an issue but to gawk at them through as credible veneer of giving their side as possible. That's why we get such a wonderful line about them looking related.

I enjoy when the new is this subversive. My favorite was an article I read about how a mother wanted us too all know her son was a good boy who always followed the law after he had been arrested at a protest accompanied by a picture of him at the protest welding an ad hoc club and wearing a stolen riot policeman's helmet.

Scottish Widows staff told not to use the word ‘widow’

‘Inclusive language’ guidance warns that term risks defining a woman by her dead husband rather than herself — but there are no plans to change company name

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/whens-a-scottish-widow-not-a-widow-in-lloyds-woke-staff-guide-gdm5nj6pk

>>41418

>‘Inclusive language’ guidance warns that term risks defining a woman by her dead husband rather than herself


Sigh. I've got life insurance with Scottish Widows. What will they think of next in dumbing down and softening our language because reality is more of a hobby for Millennials and Gen-Zers in their quest of finding ever-new things to get offended at. Fucking bunch of cry babies.

>>463289>>41420

I don't think you can lay it at the feet of millennials and especially not zoomers.

The academic culture all of this heightened brain power metastasised in was already established by the 80s, where it was essentially just a way for humanities boffins to one up each other, in papers they knew only mattered within their own circle. All that's happened is it spread from there to the broader liberal middle class demographic, at once a parlour game for dinner parties and tool to browbeat and assert superiority over the high vis white van crowd, and from there to Twitter.

The pink hair problem glasses took to it like a fish to water, but they didn't start it by any means. It's always been about clout, all the way down.

>>41420
This obviously means they can't be trusted. You should cancel your policy immediately.

>>41418
>risks defining a woman by her dead husband rather than herself

I'm glad to see they're distancing themselves from the anachronistic history of women avoiding destitution on the death of their partner. But why is Scottish allowed? I want to see staff describe their employer as *hmhm hmmmhm* or if you want to get technical "the one with the black cape".

It almost sounds like a good marketing campaign in my head. A company without a name but we all say it in our head.

>>41421

Just wait till somebody takes issue with the Scottish Widows advert girl being a white cis woman. Next, they'll probably swap her out for a disabled lesbian black Jewish genderfluid transwoman.

At that point, I probably would cancel my policy. Not because I've got anything against those minorities, mind.

>>41420
>>41425
*big long fart noise*

>>41423
I would happily insure my life with Haggis Hoes. Or Haggis Slags. Slaggis. I'm getting distracted here; at this rate I'll never get round to signing up with Scotch Husbandmurderers for pension and life assurance solutions.

>>41427

Even if the reasoning behind dropping the "Widows" were that they had some hip marketing agency tell them in exchange for millions of pounds that "Scottish" is the "with it" thing to call yourselves these days with everybody so into brevity, that would be a million times more credible than suddenly declaring "Widow" a dirty word and signing on to this woke garbage hook line and sinker.

There will be a day of reckoning. The pendulum eventually always swings back.

tl;dr: Old man yelling at clouds. But with fucking passion.

>>41428
>The pendulum eventually always swings back.

ΤεΧ ἐρεῖς?

>>41425

You know why the Widows are so young and eligible? Because the hubbies worked on the rigs and got splattered by the drilling aparatus.

>>41429

Το παίρνεις στον κώλο?

>>41430

I think Scottish Widows was founded in the early 1800s to look after the widows of soldiers who died in the Napoleonic wars.

Yep, Wikipedia is in agreement.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scottish_Widows

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-68886331

Nottingham attacks: 'Show respect', victim's mum urges police over post

You won't believe what the supposedly graphic and disrepectful message the copper sent in a private group was. It's the kind of thing we say here innocuously all the time.

>>41486
Something about her rubs me up the wrong way. I feel like she is trying to make this about her, or to make her son's death more important than it is. It's important to her, okay. But I'm sure there are more stabbing deaths in Nottingham that happen, they just don't get reported widely because they're not happening to some white inbred Tarquin public schoolboy fuck. Some underprivileged black lad gets stabbed on the street in Radford, I sleep. Some hooray Henry gets stabbed after a uni night out, lets hold a candlelit vigil and try and make a new law and go on all the media.

The comments aren't that bad, they are students who did indeed get proper butchered. Really sad stuff. People whose lives were ended at the beginning of adulthood. Tragic. Some schizo killed him in a random attack, an indictment of our poor mental health services. Preventable. But the cunt doesn't care about that, she wants us to donate £40 000 to Taunton School (£20k fees a year roughly) so they can refurb the cricket pavillion and rename it in Barney's honour. Fucking sickening.

Should the police treat dead Barney with cotton wool "golly gosh some poor innocent lovely lad got tragically murdered what a sad state of affairs let us all mourn". Police are probably blithe with their language in informal internal communications because they see this shit all the time. I'd rather have police be blunt with each other to get the point across, than be florid and delicate to not upset dead cunt's mum.

>>41487
I agree with all that, except your suggestion that these murders are more newsworthy because the victims were rich and white. I won't say there isn't an element of that, but it's a small one - the murders would be just as shocking if all three of the victims had been poor and non-white. It was the work of one man towards strangers on the street, all during one morning's random rampage, and who attempted to kill more and might have done so if police hadn't cornered and tasered him. You can see how that might make people more fearful compared to, say, this one fatal stabbing still being investigated with my guess of having a 50% chance of the victim being known to the perpetrators:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-nottinghamshire-68198641

>>41488
Fair point, which I failed to consider, and I am a hypocrite in what I said because when I do see there's been a stabbing round here, when I learn it's gang related black on black violence, it reassures me. Not in a "haha black people are dying" way, more "if it's gang beef I am unlikely to be dragged into that situation". Like when someone gets cancer, then you learn they smoked heavily through their lives, and you think "I have less risk of that".

I think because it was Stephen Lawrence day this week, and Doreen Lawrence has a life peerage, I might have cynically been thinking Barney's mum was angling for that sort of recognition. But while Lawrence has campaigned for racial equality and improvements in policing, I don't see much Barney's mum can do. Campaign for schizos to be caught and confined faster and for longer?

She's a woman who lost her child who she loves dearly, in a shit situation. A horrible thing and I cannot imagine the pain she has experienced and will continue to experience. I just think her exposure isn't achieving anything of value, and I think she comes across as a bit self-important compared to what I've seen of the families of Grace and Ian.

>>41489
The one thing I do know her campaigning for - to get rid of the defence of diminished responsibility for murder - I vehemently disagree with. She thinks her son's killer, who has been convicted in court and will be indefinitely held in a secure unit, has "got away with it".

British tourist, 72, mauled by bear after rolling down car window to take photo with it

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/british-tourist-bear-romania-attacked-selfie-b2534523.html

>>41491
>A friend of Ms Gallacher told reporters she may have suffered worse injuries to her arm had she not been wearing a thick, padded M&S jacket.

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/article/2024/may/24/my-wife-has-put-on-weight-and-im-no-longer-attracted-to-her-what-should-i-do

Guardian readers are the lowest of the low.

>>41507

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that I've been in a similar situation where a partner put on three and a half stone during our almost four year relationship. Did that cause me to leave her? Technically, no, because on top of her attractive physique, at least when we met, she was genuinely a great person who was easy to love. But towards the end of our relationship, sex with her was far less fulfilling than it should have been, even accounting for the fact that a lot of couples increasingly experience sexual boredom with each other after a few years. At 5'3'', putting on three and a half stone is something that really changes your appearance. And it just became unattractive to me. Not to the point of not wanting to have sex with her at all, but it was certainly a downer.

We eventually split up because we just drifted apart over that time like a lot of couples do. But somewhere deep down, I can't say that her weight didn't play any part in it at all.

>>41507

I knew reading this would make me angry.

>People’s weight changes for all kinds of reasons

No, it changes because they eat too much and that's literally the one, sole, single, solitary reason.

The way I see it it, getting fat shows a complete lack of respect for a partner, the exact same way as if I just decided I can't be bothered to take regular showers any more and still expected my missus to nosh me off. The way People Of Lard try to appropriate the same victimhood politics as queers and darkies absolutely disgusts me. There's no such thing as fatphobia, fat shaming isn't a hate crime, fat people are not oppressed, 99% of the time their weight is absolutely their own fault.

I will give limited exception for cases where poor mental health leads to weight gain as a knock on effect, but even then it's too often just an excuse for what is really selfishness and laziness.

>>41509
You must hate posting here. You’re getting like I do when someone types with an accent.

>>41510

I have the landwhale thread hidden, although it does sometimes come back on its own. Purpz please fix.

I mean honestly I don't mind curvy, some birds can look lovely with a bit of chub (shout out to my ex Hayley), but the slippery slope of what we actually call "chubby" or "curvy" over the last decade or so is just absolutely tragic.

>>41511
This was written about 20 years ago.

>>41509

>No, it changes because they eat too much and that's literally the one, sole, single, solitary reason.

You can actually develop glandular problems that mess with your weight. A friend gained weight after they removed a benign tumor from her thyroid gland, and it caused her residual thyroid to produce too little thyroid hormone. She was taking medication for it, but she still gained weight.

But yeah. Nine times out of ten, you very simply eat too much and exercise too little. You can call it fat shaming all you want, it's still true.

>Joey Barton calling Jeremy Vine a ‘bike carpet-bagger’ was defamatory, judge rules

>Lawyers acting for Vine said at the preliminary hearing on 9 May that the abuse began last year after Barton’s comments calling the female football pundits Eni Aluko and Lucy Ward “the Fred and Rose West of football commentary”

>Lawyers acting for Vine also argued that a hypothetical reader “would appreciate that ‘bacon’ was short for the rhyming-slang expression ‘bacon bonce’ meaning ‘carpet-bagger’, referring to one of the tweets which called Vine a “bike carpet-bagger” and “raving bacon”.

https://www.theguardian.com/society/article/2024/may/24/joey-barton-calling-jeremy-vine-a-bike-carpet-bagger-was-defamatory-judge-rules

>>41514
Can we just kill Joey Barton? He's endlessly annoying, but I bet at some point he'll do his schtick where he comes out and says some bollocks like he's now a practicing Unitarian and would like to apologise to those he hurt, before throwing a rock through a Oxfam shop window and starting the cycle all over again. Tie him to some train tracks and let nature take it's course.

>>41515
My issue with Joey Barton is that he is such an absolute textbook case of someone who was quite severely molested as a child, and I am thoroughly convinced that he was turbo-carpet-baggerd like nobody ever has been, and yet society seems to either not have noticed this or just agreed not to mention it.

>>41515
>>41516
Never forget that during the last game of the 2011-12 season, Barton, who for some reason someone thought should be captain at QPR, elbowed Tevez in the face, got a straight red, then in the process of heading off the field via the scrum of players (to hand over the armband) pretty much straight-up assaulted Aguero and tried to headbutt Kompany.

https://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/weird-news/uk-running-out-ghosts-move-26505384
>Britain is running out of ghosts due to the number of aging spirits passing to the “other side”, says a leading paranormal expert.

>>41518
Could this be the first ever Star article where a man with a PHD in nuclear physics isn't referred to as a 'boffin'.

And it's this woman, apparently. Take two of this woman every day and you'll be cured.

Why does every news article that mentions someone need to be illustrated with a terrible selfie? Nobody can take a decent photograph, I don't want some poor sod's manic face shoved in mine while I'm reading the news.

>>41520
>Lauren Golightly
>actually goes quite heavily if she has Crohn’s Disease

>Remote tribe gets hooked on internet porn

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2024/06/04/hooked-porn-remote-brazilian-tribe-internet-musk/

>>41522

I've seen about ten variations of this article reposting today and not one of them has cited any evidence that the tribe is becoming "addicted to porn" in any meaningful sense. It appears that the elders of the tribes are concerned about the young folks spending more time on their devices instead of participating in the weekly bongo bongo fertility dance or whatever (and doesn't that sound familiar eh). The story I expected about villages falling into famine because the blokes have neglected their fishing duties to tug themselves raw over Japanese milf gangbangs is nowhere to be found, nor even hinted at.

It really is the same shit wherever you go. Even amazonian tribes are just boomers complaining about kids being kids.

>>41522
You lot are always talking about how we need some fresh blood and now's our chance. I bet they'd make /uhu/ more exciting with their bloody battles against illegal loggers and DIY penis ornaments in /poof/ that will make us altogether more popular in the office.

>>41524

Yeah, but do they like fat lasses?

>>41525
do remote tribes even have fat women?

>>41526

Hunter-gatherer societies are usually too busy hunting and gathering to get fat.