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>> No. 9430 Anonymous
26th January 2016
Tuesday 10:09 pm
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Huddersfield charity shop finally says goodbye to a shutter which lasted 26 years


That's it. That's literally it. A charity shop has replaced one of its roller shutters after having the same one for 26 years. It's all go in Huddersfield.

I challenge you lads to find a more pointless news story than this.
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>> No. 16856 Anonymous
9th December 2018
Sunday 9:10 am
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In the nearly 40 years that we have been working to monitor and protect endangered Hawaiian monk seals, we have only started seeing "eels in noses" in the last few years. Yet, our researchers have observed this phenomenon three or four times now. We don't know if this is just some strange statistical anomaly or if we will see more eels in seals in the future.

Hawaiian monk seals forage by shoving their mouth and nose into the crevasses of coral reefs, under rocks, or into the sand. They are looking for prey that likes to hide, like eels. This may be a case of an eel that was cornered trying to defend itself or escape. Alternatively, the seal could have swallowed the eel and regurgitated it so that the eel came out the wrong way. We might never know.

All of the seals that we have encountered in this slippery situation have been quickly caught by our response teams and the eel gently and successfully removed. The seals were released and haven't shown any issues from the incidents.

>> No. 16857 Anonymous
9th December 2018
Sunday 2:00 pm
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Not sure why this reminds me of this, but posting it anyway:


>In extraordinary scenes filmed for a new documentary, young dolphins were seen carefully manipulating a certain kind of puffer fish which, if provoked, releases a nerve toxin.

>Though large doses of the toxin can be deadly, in small amounts it is known to produce a narcotic effect, and the dolphins appeared to have worked out how to make the fish release just the right amount.

>Carefully chewing on the puffer and passing it between one another, the marine mammals then enter what seems to be a trance-like state.

>“After chewing the puffer gently and passing it round, they began acting most peculiarly, hanging around with their noses at the surface as if fascinated by their own reflection.
>> No. 16858 Anonymous
9th December 2018
Sunday 10:42 pm
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Man who wants to look like David Beckham is bouncing back after chip pan fire

>> No. 16859 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 12:34 am
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Still looks nothing like him.
>> No. 16860 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 3:30 am
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Screenshot_2018-12-10 Man who wants to look like D.png

He's like the kind of made up lunatic who'd call into Fraiser Crane's radio show, I really can't understand the psychology at all. He spends tens of thousands of pounds on plastic surgery, but he has fried potato waffles for dinner; does the real Beckham look like a man who eats fried potato waffles? If he does I'm sure he at least does them in the oven. It's a fool's errand to try to diagnose people online, but he seems really quite unwell when you take the silliness out of the picture.

Nottingham people seem lovely, too (pic related).
>> No. 16861 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 7:12 am
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>Soy sauce ‘colon cleanse’ hoax goes horribly wrong with woman left brain dead after trying internet fake news trend


This has 4chan's fingerprints all over it.
>> No. 16862 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 10:30 am
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>She had also recently been released from a psychiatric hospital for what was believed to be paranoid schizophrenia.
>The woman had the paranoid belief the government had poisoned her and had read online that the soy sauce colon cleanse would rid her body of toxins.

>> No. 16863 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 10:49 am
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>> No. 16864 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 11:11 am
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She was eating only canned fish and white bread for 6 months and had lost 11kg in the last 3 weeks if this didn't kill her she would have found something else too I'm sure.
>> No. 16865 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 12:31 pm
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Man who calls himself a 'breatharian' claims he lives on air and sunlight

A pizza delivery man who identifies himself as a 'breatharian' claims mediation has helped him to collect all the nutrients he needs from the air and can survive on just 100 calories a week. Khai Ho, 28, from Birkenhead, Liverpool, would often refuse his mothers meals as a child, claiming he has never felt hunger and food has never appealed to him.

But over the last four years Khai, a healthy 13 stone in weight, claims that his commitment to the Hindu form of mediation has enabled him to give up food for three months at a time, only eating mints to stop the 'bitter taste' in his mouth. Despite fasting for long periods of time, the pizza delivery driver says that he never struggles to resist the food he delivers to customers and that he has never been happier or healthier.

Khai claims that he gathers his nutrients from the sunlight around him and that he can even take in moisture that he needs from the air. Inedia or breatharianism is the belief that it is possible for a person to live without consuming food or water and Khai only eats small amounts of food and little water while mainly surviving on mints or chewing gum for a fresh taste. Breatharians claim that food, and in some cases water, are not necessary for survival, and that humans can be sustained solely by prana, the vital life force in Hindu religion.


I wonder what outright bollocks I can come up with to get in the papers.
>> No. 16866 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 1:32 pm
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>I wonder what outright bollocks I can come up with to get in the papers.

Soy sauce colon cleanses could be your go-to.
>> No. 16867 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 1:34 pm
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You could also claim to have fallen in love with an inanimate object and marry it.

Marry a shed so we know it's you.
>> No. 16868 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 1:58 pm
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Not them, but I have seriously thought about marrying my cat. There is none of the fustration and bullshit people seem to make over nothing and I can be pretty certain there never will be, All she wants is a cuddle and a tin of tuna.
>> No. 16869 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 2:19 pm
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I think marrying a cat is creepier than marrying a shed.

Someone marrying their shed is just a bit eccentric and bonkers. Someone marrying their cat is probably a pervert.
>> No. 16870 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 2:39 pm
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Be that as it may I still don't think she'd be able to visit you in hospital or inherit your property, but I'm no solicitor.
>> No. 16871 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 3:23 pm
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I bet their shed floor is glazed with cum.

I probably am a pervert. Which is why I like my cat, it is the only relationship in my life which is pure and wholesome. I can go out and sleep with whoever I want and the cat doesn't give a shit.

>I still don't think she'd be able to visit you in hospital
Well yes it is a cat it doesn't understand that information, someone might bring it to me if I asked though.

>or inherit your property
I'd set up a trust with the cat as the benificary and a guarantor, not that I think the cat would out live me or I'd have anything of worth anyway as long as the cat is feed and happy thats that. The rest of my assets could go to others.
>> No. 16872 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 3:32 pm
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Okay there is piss on my coat, honeymoon's over.
>> No. 16873 Anonymous
10th December 2018
Monday 7:25 pm
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>I'd set up a trust with the cat as the benificary and a guarantor

I sometimes think I will do that someday just to piss off my descendants.

I'd have to get a cat first, mind.

Probably a good idea to put in my will then that if somebody thinks they can just kill the cat to get my money, then all of it goes to charity and they don't get a penny.

But then who's going to keep the charity workers from killing my cat.
>> No. 16874 Anonymous
11th December 2018
Tuesday 12:22 pm
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Just have your cat mummified and buried with you, like the Pharaoh did.
>> No. 16875 Anonymous
11th December 2018
Tuesday 12:39 pm
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That girl who married Tetris is on PornHub. I'll warn you, it's grim.

>> No. 16876 Anonymous
12th December 2018
Wednesday 11:20 pm
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>You can call me the T-Spinner, because I looooove me some T-Spins! Yes--people with a fetish for Tetris exist--and I'm one of them. I create Tetris-themed porn not because I expect other people are into them, but primarily for the satirical reason that my fetish is so absurdly hilarious that you specifically expect there to be NO porn of it! Thus... THUS I HAVE CREATED LEGITIMATE TETRIS PORN.

Most reasonable thing I've read all day.
>> No. 16921 Anonymous
15th December 2018
Saturday 7:57 pm
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>Parents of a teenage boy who took his own life have complained after their Catholic priest criticised him at the funeral for killing himself.

>Father Don LaCuesta in the service questioned whether Maison Hullibarger, 18, would enter heaven, horrifying his parents and family. The Archdiocese of Detroit have relieved Father LaCuesta from funeral duties, but the family want him fired.

>> No. 16922 Anonymous
15th December 2018
Saturday 8:03 pm
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Obviously I understand why the family would be upset, but at the same time, it's a catholic priest, what did they expect? It's like bringing bacon butties to a bar mitzvah and being angry at the rabbi if he says anything.
>> No. 16925 Anonymous
15th December 2018
Saturday 9:55 pm
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In old times, not being given a proper Catholic burial was the biggest punishment a Catholic church could exert on a person from their congregation posthumously, and it was assumed that if you weren't already going to hell, that that would then seal your fate.

You had to repent and ask for forgiveness if you wanted to stand any chance of the Church reconsidering before your death. This applied to adulterers, murderers and heretics. But it was obviously difficult to do if you took your own life. So until the widespread arrival of municipal graveyards outside church property in the 1600s, your body was more often than not just thrown in a hole in the ground somewhere.
>> No. 16928 Anonymous
15th December 2018
Saturday 11:44 pm
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I wonder what happens to a priest that's been fired. Do they just go do a final career in counseling or does the Church shuffle them away to somewhere remote?
>> No. 16930 Anonymous
16th December 2018
Sunday 12:36 am
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>According to the report published by the UN Committee on the Rights of the Child, “well-known child sex abusers” were for years “being transferred from parish to parish in an attempt to cover up such crimes”. As a result of moving rather than reporting paedophiles, “… in many countries… dozens of child sex offenders are reported to still be in contact with children”.

God truly works in mysterious ways.
>> No. 16931 Anonymous
16th December 2018
Sunday 1:16 am
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But is that really like being 'fired'?

I looked into this and it's actually quite a fascinating use of my Saturday night. The Church position is that all priests are self-employed (a view many churches share) with their income coming from the parish itself and the boss being God. This not only strips them of many employment rights* but also means that the Church has long argued they are not responsible for their actions - a legal position stripped away in recent years by the courts.

Anyway back to the topic at hand, I can see under these circumstances that a move could count as being fired. Parishes can be viewed as akin to loose franchises with considerable variation in the day-day. One of us should go to church tomorrow and try and iron out the details on a Priests employment contract.

*Interesting fact: Gay priests prefer to work as hospital chaplains as their employer is the NHS who would never remove them for having a same-sex partner.
>> No. 16933 Anonymous
16th December 2018
Sunday 7:27 pm
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>has long argued they are not responsible for their actions

That is quite fascinating - the hoops they have jumped through to not take responsibility for their workers.
>> No. 16934 Anonymous
16th December 2018
Sunday 11:40 pm
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Especially because Catholic priests are pretty much bound by the Church's rules to parrot verbatim the teachings of the Vatican. So as a priest you are expected to follow official dogma to a T, and you can for want of a better word indeed be fired for disobedience. And if as a priest you start molesting children, all of a sudden the Catholic Church can't get enough space between it and you and says it's not responsible for the actions of its members.

My personal experience with Catholics is that the Catholic Church very simply functions that way. You are told from the day you are born that you are a sinner, and that you will go to hell if you are not being a good Catholic. The blame is always on you. And that's the point I am trying to make. The Catholic Church excels at blaming others and calling people sinners and giving them a massive guilt complex, while the Church itself tries to maintain a white vest and keeps up a facade of virtue. Nothing must stick to the Church itself. Whatever goes wrong is the fault of individual people and their sins, not that of the Catholic Church as an institution.

And that's also why the Catholic church has also had such a hard time accepting responsibility for its childfucking priests. Admitting that its organisational structure per se, including its top personnel, allowed a climate of systematic child abuse and the covering up of it to exist would be tantamount to admitting that the Church isn't pure and beyond earthly sin.

I don't have very high hopes that the Catholich Church will see the error of its ways. I think it is too steeped in its own self image of being the oldest still functioning religious institution on the planet. It has survived wars, pandemics, and governments and their laws for two thousand years. And it certainly isn't going to acknowledge the error of its ways just because the world in the early 21st century is trying to tell it that it has a systematic child abuse problem.
>> No. 16935 Anonymous
18th December 2018
Tuesday 4:26 pm
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> For the past three years Gary Robson, Lee Draper and Paul Foster have taken it upon themselves to club together to buy their biggest supporter a gift for Christmas.

>Ten-year old Ryan Cunningham, from Annfield Plain, has special needs and attends Villa Real School in Consett.

>The highlight of his week is on a Thursday when, as he puts it, “the men” come round.

>Come rain, snow or shine he is waiting outside, in his own high-vis vest, to see his friends.
>> No. 16936 Anonymous
18th December 2018
Tuesday 4:48 pm
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>When me mam said I were autistic I thought she meant I were good at drawing.
>> No. 16937 Anonymous
18th December 2018
Tuesday 5:19 pm
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>> No. 17113 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 9:43 pm
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Bishop Auckland cemetery incident did not take place, police investigation says

A Durham Constabulary spokesman said: “Our investigation has now established that the incident reported to us did not take place and there is no reason for members of the public to be alarmed."

RESIDENTS have been reassured after police confirmed an incident at a County Durham cemetery was false.

Part of the cemetery at St Andrew's Church, in Bishop Auckland, was cordoned off after police were called on December 16. An investigation concluded nothing took place.

>Nothing happened.
>Better reassure the public that nothing actually did happen.
>> No. 17114 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 10:22 pm
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That sounds shady as fuck.

What was "the incident?" Probably a few out of towners went missing, for the greater good
>> No. 17115 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 10:25 pm
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Googling hasn't shed any more light.

>> No. 17116 Anonymous
28th December 2018
Friday 11:35 pm
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What's the big deal.

Nothing happened anyway, didn't you read?
>> No. 17141 Anonymous
30th December 2018
Sunday 4:04 pm
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was it this?

>> No. 17142 Anonymous
30th December 2018
Sunday 4:14 pm
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It strikes me as very unlikely that a man wound up in court in November for a reported incident on December 17th.
>> No. 17143 Anonymous
30th December 2018
Sunday 5:20 pm
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Plus that incident happened; the other one didn't.
>> No. 17144 Anonymous
30th December 2018
Sunday 7:36 pm
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Maybe someone thought they saw a drone?
>> No. 17298 Anonymous
8th January 2019
Tuesday 5:50 pm
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Here we go again. Heathrow this time.
>> No. 17300 Anonymous
8th January 2019
Tuesday 6:07 pm
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It'll be fun in a few months when trying to move essential medicines into the UK by air is stopped because of a few dronelads. Battle of Britain all over again only this time it's the modern equivalent of a kite tied to a tree.
>> No. 17301 Anonymous
8th January 2019
Tuesday 6:08 pm
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Who needs bomb threats when you can just release helium balloons near an airport?
>> No. 17342 Anonymous
11th January 2019
Friday 7:00 pm
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Cement-carrying lorry causes water hydrant to burst in Nottingham

Frank Shelton, pictured with his pet owl Kim, said the scene around the road was "a mess"

>> No. 17343 Anonymous
11th January 2019
Friday 8:44 pm
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>> No. 17344 Anonymous
12th January 2019
Saturday 10:19 pm
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A dog walker from Leeds claims she had a 'completely bizarre' experience after she saw a couple smeared in bird blood having sex in the middle of a group of chanting women.

The woman, who has asked to remain anonymous, says she spotted the couple when she was walking her dog near Hawksworth Wood Trail, in Kirkstall, shortly after midday on Friday, January 11. West Yorkshire Police confirmed officers were called to 'a report of public indecency' in the woods and they have now 'stepped up patrols in the area'.

The dog walker said: "I let the dog off for a run and he went to the top of the wood, near a field where kids play and people walk. He disappeared and I heard what I thought was shouting so I went to get him, as he's a big softy, but I thought he had scared someone. It sounded like someone shouting in a different language, but then I saw a lady in her late 30s laid on a white plastic sheet."

She said she thought the woman 'was dead' at first, but when she went closer to try and find her dog, she saw a man. The man then used his finger to take blood from a dead bird and 'put it on the woman's face' before they had sex, she claimed.

She added: "I dragged the dog away and my friend and I walked away. Then, about 10 minutes later, I walked back that way and my friend said she saw at least five other woman clothed around them (the couple) and we realised they were chanting. We decided to go and ring the police as it seemed odd, because they knew people were there and just carried on. We checked back later, to see if they'd gone and they were dressed in tunics and walking away as if nothing happened and had the sheet folded over their arms. It was completely bizarre."

>> No. 17345 Anonymous
12th January 2019
Saturday 10:39 pm
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Where's Masonlad, he needs to explain this.

Also, everyone knows that the place you're supposed to go for weird outdoor sex in Leeds is Golden Acre Park. That's the real issue here.
>> No. 17346 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 1:34 am
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If it was masons, no birds allowed innit.

It's a grey parka?
>> No. 17347 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 1:53 am
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Sounds more like Wican sex magic to me.
>> No. 17348 Anonymous
13th January 2019
Sunday 2:30 am
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Better than Wigan sex magic. Trust me.

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