>>9430
That's almost as interesting as that time nobody was hurt in a fire. Almost.

>>9430
I try to stick to local news to get out of the depressing torrent of international news being spewed out every nano-second, but I'm hit with nauseatingly mundane shite that isn't worth the megabits it's hosted on.

I wonder if there are any lads who don't read a jot of any news - none at all.

>>9432
I read what's linked to here and elsewhere if it looks interesting but I never actively browse or watch news media and I don't read any papers either.

>>9430
I love that.

>>9432
I gave up on the website for my local paper because it was too clunky to navigate and they went overboard with ads (I usually check the news at work so adblockers aren't an option) but I check their Facebook page daily, mainly for the smart arse puns and comments or when the family members of some scrote turn up to defend him "YA DONT KNO HIM. HE'D DO OWT FOR ANYBODY" after they've been sent down for glassing someone in the face.

>Huddersfield charity shop finally says goodbye to a shutter which lasted 26 years

B-but that shutter was important to keep that shop safe at night!

>>9432

I gave up keeping up with the news for the sake of my mental health. I find that paying too much attention to the news (and in particular, newspaper opinion pieces about said news), gives you an awfully bleak view of the world and the people who inhabit it.

>>9430
Now that's not fair, the article makes it clear it's notable for being one of the longest-lasting in the country. Hardly front-page material yes but whenever something is the Xest in the country I for one am interested to hear about it.

>>9440
>it's notable for being one of the longest-lasting in the country.

I doubt this is something which can be easily verified. It's been a while since I read the Guinness World Records, but I can't recall there being a section on shop roller shutters. I find it hard to believe there is a comprehensive list of the age all shop roller shutters up and down the country in order to make such extravagant


claims and I can't imagine the journalist covering this at the Huddersfield Examiner went to such lengths to verify the facts.

>>9441

I'm willing to believe if I walked down my high street I could find shutters from 1990. I might even find one or two buildings older then that too.

>>9442

The ones on old department stores look like they've been there as long as the shop, which is often fifty or more years.

http://www.oxfordmail.co.uk/news/14230847.Pupils_live_like_kings_for_a_day_for_visit_to_medieval_manor/

From what I can ascertain, this is a news article about a school trip. To a manor house 15 miles up the road.

The local news business is in a shit state. eBay and Gumtree killed off their golden goose, the small ads section. The announcements section has been mortally wounded by Facebook. Display advertising rates have been in freefall for years.

The result has been massive consolidation and rationalisation. Most local and regional newspapers are now owned by three massive groups - Newsquest, Local World and Johnston Press. Local papers are run on a skeleton staff; it's now common for three people to run half a dozen local papers from a single office.

Given these constraints, most local newspapers don't have the manpower to do real reporting. They're reliant on press releases and stories brought to them by members of the public. They'll publish any old shit that turns up on their desk and I don't blame them.

I was curious about my local news, I thought it would be too easy to use the town's paper directly, so I went regionwide - and front page news for an entire county is -

http://www.yorkshirepost.co.uk/news/education/the-school-run-pyjama-game-we-never-used-to-wear-them-in-huddersfield-says-mum-1-7697738

End of an era lads!

>>9447
Its probably more work than you would want but does anyone else find the idea of running a local paper with a couple of the lads interesting?

I can already picture myself putting together a valentines fluff edition asking couples how they met. Some pictures of an adorable elderly couple who met during the war, a couple who got together when their plane crashed in the Andes, "when he kept calling me a racist and correcting my grammar on .gs I knew he wanted to piss in my arse". Hit me up Journo lad, I could do with a career.

>>9444
Everyone has been on a school trip where they made you dress up like you were from them days. Most worthless school trip I went on was a Year 10 business studies trip to a Morrisons about 10 minutes walk away. That was a massive waste of everyone's time.

>>9448
>“We are trying to raise standards and get better outcomes for the children and we noticed a lot of the parents are turning up to school as well as meetings and assemblies wearing pyjamas, if we’re to raise standards it’s not too much to ask parents to have a wash and get dressed,” she said.

Mirth. Audible.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/wales/12126594/Grieving-familys-horror-as-pornographic-video-played-at-funeral-for-father-and-baby-son.html

>>9450

If we really wanted to raise standards (and raise self-reliant kids in the process), we would ban school runs to begin with and let those little bundles of joy walk to school or take the bus. Like other countries do. I've seen it in Germany, France, and Poland... from about age 8, give or take, children are expected to find their own way to school every morning, and their way back home, on their own, in the afternoon. What makes us so vastly different as a country that we have to have traffic jams in front of schools every morning, and parents practically walking their kids into the classroom?

>>9452

Like the US, we are heavily invested in oil/petrol. As a result of this, it's drummed into us from a very early age that cars are a necessity, and that it is impossible to live without one. I'd also be willing to bet that we spend less, relatively speaking, on providing reliable public transport in the UK compared to, say, Germany.

Services that are somewhat reliable tend to charge a lot more. It's not uncommon where I live to hear people say they 'could have hired a car' for the amount that they would spend on bus tickets.

>>9453

>Like the US, we are heavily invested in oil/petrol. As a result of this, it's drummed into us from a very early age that cars are a necessity, and that it is impossible to live without one.

Maybe. But you are forgetting that school runs are only a recent phenomenon of the last 20 to 25 years or so. Our "heavy investment" in oil and cars didn't really look all that different in the 90s or even the 80s.

I think that it's really helicopter parents who are to blame, and the old folk myths of child-snatching nonces that have resurfaced in recent years. Our culture has an unhealthy obsession with our kids. Add to that a pervasive and ever-present climate of fear in the post-9/11 world and parents' omnipresent fears of losing their jobs and status, in times when everybody is fully replaceable.

But still, we are fucked up, and we are raising fucked-up children.

>>9452
As a lad who had to walk for bastard miles everyday to get to school and back I can assure you that it didn't do me any good. Do you think I jumped out of bed in the morning and got to school in good order on those cold winter mornings? Did I fuck and in honesty my parents could've done a better job dropping me off on their drive to work.

Stop being a conformity-nonce just because the narrative sounds popular.

>>9455

I lived 1.5 miles from school when I was a younglad. There was a bus going from the bus stop 300 metres away, but it required you to get up 45 minutes earlier than you would have had to to catch a lift with Daddy who was going into work, or to ride your bicycle to school.

Which meant that usually, I would ride my bike to school, because it allowed me to leave from home just 10-15 minutes before school started (our neighbourhood was on a hilltop and the school was down in a valley, so it was pretty much just one big stretch downhill).

Except for grim winter mornings when our dad did give my brother and me a lift on his way to work, our parents would always tell us that getting to school was our responsibility, not theirs. And they felt that, within reason, you were never too young to learn responsibility for yourself.

All the competitive parenting mums will probably spit out their homemade organic gluten-free cupcakes with disgust at such a statement, but in truth, it did teach us independence and self-reliance, even as ten-year-old boys.

Would it have been nice to catch a lift with Dad every morning, who was more or less going in that same direction anyway? Yes. But in the end, I still think it was the right thing to do to let us fend for ourselves. I never thought my dad was an arsehole for only giving us a lift in the worst of weathers. That was how it was done in our family, and that was that.

When I have kids, I will do the same. Here's hoping my future wife won't be some helicopter mum who will think that that's all a no-go.

>>9452
>What makes us so vastly different as a country that we have to have traffic jams in front of schools every morning, and parents practically walking their kids into the classroom?

Paedo hysteria.

>>9457

Is it hysteria though? As a country we do seem to have more than other countries ranging from the Saville mega paedos down to toy shop operatives.

>>9459

Hm. I seem to recall that national crime statistics have shown a very robust decrease in sexual crimes against children in recent years.

It's easy to fall into mean world syndrome... but reality often isn't quite as grim as you make it out to be.

>>9460

Nonce enabler detected!

>>9461

Oh do fuck off.

>>9461

You're going to have to explain this picture.

>>9461
Adrian Chiles?

>>9460

I recall based on another thread digging through the NSPCC website and finding the definition of child sexual abuse being absurdly broad (children kissing other (all be it unwilling) children in normal play, and teenagers showing other teenagers porno being 'child abuse'). To try justify their existence by painting some sort of epidemic in number of 'victims'.

>>9466

I clicked on the image because that bird's left arm looks like an overly realistic dildo. I cannot un-see it.

>>9470

Well done, you. That was the point of that picture.

>>9470
I can't even make it look like her arm.

>>9466
That's some impressive cock-in-a-glass.

The latest from Hudds.

>She has been working hard capturing both mice and commuter’s hearts for the past five years. Now Huddersfield’s resident station cat Felix has received a purr-motion and a posh uniform to be envied by many a moggy. Felix has been named the railway station’s Senior Pest Controller, and is living proof in furry form that purr-severing with hard work can pay off.

http://www.examiner.co.uk/news/west-yorkshire-news/felix-huddersfield-station-cat-gets-10822899

>>9453

In the US we send our kids to school largely in the same way the continental Europeans apparently do.

>>9532

Armed?

>>9533

I giggled internally.

>>9526

This is the kind of sheep that the wool is spun from which is being pulled over our eyes.

And people are content sucking up fuzzy warm non-news like this, firmly barricaded inside their own bubble, ingoring all the world's problems that need solving while they prefer to watch Jeremy Kyle or Big Brother.

THIS is why the global elites succeed at subduing the common people.

I can hear Immanuel Kant rotating in his grave.

"Enlightenment is man’s leaving his self-caused immaturity. Immaturity is the incapacity to use one's intelligence without the guidance of another. Such immaturity is self-caused if it is not caused by lack of intelligence, but by lack of determination and courage to use one's intelligence without being guided by another."

>>9536

Has anyone ever suggested you might have schizophrenia? I only ask because you have paranoid delusions. One puff piece in a local paper where they struggle to find real news on their over stretched budget, does not mean that the new world order has taken over.

>>9538

>One puff piece in a local paper where they struggle to find real news on their over stretched budget, does not mean that the new world order has taken over

That's what THEY want you to believe, m8.

>>9538
>>9539

Not him,but I do find it quite hard to ignore the subtext of the piece in the context of Tory government cuts and the benefit scrounger narrative.

Look at this cat. This cat works harder than you. And he's more cost effective. The is no living wage in the currency of Whiskers. He even lives at work.

>>9540

With an ability like that to bend all information to have a hidden meaning demonstrating you are discriminated against you'd make an excellent feminist academic.

>>9540
In fairness Felix is adorable and I'm glad to read about his antics whereas the poor are generally unlikeable and reading about their hardships is depressing stuff that already know and cannot be helped.

Just being honest. This how how Cameron remains in power.

>>9543

both pigs AND dogs now!

>>9542

To be honest I think Felix the Station Cat as a tool of burgeoisie propaganda makes a hell of a lot more sense than anything involving the patriarchy.

>>9540
It's a wank article about a cat.

You people really need a cockslap.

>>9554
>wank article

How can an article using the puns purr-motion and paw-sition be wank? You people, honestly.

>>9555

Hm... I normally only wank to pictures or videos... not articles...

>>9555
Now we're just getting catty.

>>9559

Fat chance.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p03j3dwc

I live in Cornwall, land of the mundane news stories, although yours does take the piss a bit.

http://www.cornishguardian.co.uk/Anger-Newquay-irresponsible-dog-owners-leave-bags/story-28699634-detail/story.html

>>9561

I keep seeing round Birmingham, people who have gone to all the effort of bagging their dogs shit up, tied up the bag, and then just dropped it on the floor. It's just baffling, if you're not going to throw it in the bin, save your time and just leave it.

>>9561

>Nor is it a rare bird, or an offering to the pagan gods of spring.

You know your four years at liberal arts college weren't wasted if you get to pen lines like this for a local news piece.

>>9561

Same. Here's a personal favourite

http://www.falmouthpacket.co.uk/news/11513725.No_point_crying_over_spilt_milk__say_passengers/

>>9569
Wait a second, is there actually someone else on this board who's been in Falmouth all this time?

>>9569
Haha big up Falmouth. One of my favourite places to partake in drug abuse

>>9448
>>9450
>PARENTS have been spotted smoking cannabis on the school run, it has been revealed. Worried mums and dads saw individuals smoking spliffs as they dropped their children off at St John’s Primary in Radcliffe.

>The school has reported the issue to police and has warned that parents that they need to 'set a good example' for their children. The school deputy headteacher Deborah Binns sent a letter to parents on February 11 explaining the situation.

http://www.theboltonnews.co.uk/news/14279119.Parents_spotted_smoking_cannabis_while_dropping_their_children_off_for_school/

>>9597
Fantastic story. Doesn't every parent start the day with a bit of Wake & Bake?

>>9597
The loonies have taken over the asylum it seems.

>>9599
>loonies

It's all that WACKY backy.

>>9600
Well obviously. To be clear, I'm no subscriber to 'reefer madness' ideas but everything has a time and a place. You wouldn't be drinking a pint on the school run, I don't see weed as that much different in that respect.

>>9601

>You wouldn't be drinking a pint on the school run

Obviously, you didn't grow up in North London.

>>9438

More importantly, the attention of which media and news is given detracts from a sensible world; those who can only see the world in linear temporal events are more likely to be less perceptual. Past and future domimate the mind where the present is often unseen, unfelt and unheard. It's all Maya.

>>9602
No, but my entire family is from north London. They all still managed to avoid becoming degenerates.

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2016/03/08/449-brilliantly-underwhelming-local-news-headlines-from-across-the-uk/

>>9785
I grew up in a rural area and our local newspaper was a constant source of amusement. Someone's wing mirror got dinged? Page two, police are asking for anyone who saw the incident to call in. Young lads shouting something homophobic at someone's house on a Friday night, police called to calm the situation? Front page gold, right there.

I went to visit a mate in my late teens who lived in some south London shithole and the local newspaper there was full of single mums injecting their babies with heroin and OD'ing, gangs of youths battering grannies and nicking their shopping, horrible shit like this.

It was a bit of an eye-opener.

>>9789

My ex girlfriend's parents lived in a rural village in Devon. And what qualified as news there was equally bewildering. One time, a mobile cement mixer was stolen in the night from a small local builder's business and was then the next day found again in a nearby creek. Clearly, it was some bored disaffected teenlads who for some reason thought it was fun to nick that cement mixer in the middle of the night, drag it across 200 metres of meadow, and then push it down a 30-foot embankment into that creek.

Anyway, that story became a two-column news item in the local paper the following Monday, and two days later, the fact that there was "still no lead on the cement mixer thieves" was worth another in-depth article to them.

Man 'left looking like Adolf Hitler' in his passport picture

http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/man-left-looking-like-adolf-11412791

>>9785
>49 brilliantly underwhelming local news headlines from across the UK
I'm not sure which was more underwhelming, finding out that my old town council was living dangerously with both getting a colour copier and stacking their tables in a different way, or that they somehow couldn't find a 50th "brilliantly underwhelming local news headline".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oswFDlcQaSQ

>A police officer wore a woolly hat with the words "I love weed" while on duty and defaced a suspect's CV with the words "kiddie fiddler" and "paedo" during an investigation into allegations of child abuse, a disciplinary hearing has been told.

http://www.chardandilminsternews.co.uk/news/national/14552733.Misconduct_hearing_for_policeman_accused_over_woolly_hat__weed__slogan/

Cat saves woman from heart attack.

http://www.lichfieldmercury.co.uk/lichfield-cat-saved-owner-from-heart-attack/story-29410284-detail/story.html

Restaurant sends nasty tweet about job candidate.
http://www.walesonline.co.uk/news/wales-news/restaurant-tweeted-the-worst-candidate-11488650#rlabs=1%20rt$category%20p$2

>>10906

> “I asked about the salary and they said it was £18,500 for a chef de partie role,”

Are chefs really paid such a measly salary? I thought they could make mad dosh since they were paid hourly and worked lots of overtime.

>>10908

My understanding, from chefs and those who know them, is that it's generally quite a shite wage.

>>10909

This. Chefs don't make loads of money.

But - a friend of mine was training as a chef ten years ago, and he told me back then that it really greatly depends on where you work.

An ordinary restaurant will not pay well, but if you're good at what you do and manage to get a job at some fancy expensive place, then you can work your way up to a decent salary. When we last spoke, he was making a little over £25,000 as one of the head chefs at a country house hotel. I think that's not too bad.

>>10910
You'd have to pay me a hell of a lot more than £25k to work my arse off in a sweaty windowless kitchen on my feet for stupid hours every week.

Though they must be able to shag some decent waitresses, which is a bonus I suppose.

>>10908

I'd be surprised if that really meant salary. Normally they advertise £18k, but what they mean is £7.20 an hour at fifty hours a week, or whatever.

>>10910

£25k is pretty dismal for a head chef, unless the place is tiny. I was on £25k basic as a sous chef, not counting OTE bonuses.

>>10911

It's one of those daft careers you don't really do for money. If you're good enough, you'll be comfortable on a head chef's wage, but anything below that and you're definitely being underpaid for your skilled work.

I currently get £38k a year as a head chef, plus a potential extra £8k a year in bonuses based on profit, wage margins, and feedback scores. Its not too difficult to hit them. But it's taken me a long, long time of making a pittance to get to this point.

And yeah, banging waitresses is a pretty decent perk.

>>10910
> he was making a little over £25,000 as one of the head chefs at a country house hotel. I think that's not too bad
I get that much entering data into a database. How has he not killed himself yet? I'm pretty sure I will kill myself in this year.

>>10911

Everything has its pros and cons.

Some people will take that over being a pencil pusher in a dull office desk job, even if that desk job pays 10 grand more.

I've always been a fan of the idea that (within reason!), doing a job that you enjoy but doesn't pay stellar salaries is better than a self-loathing-inducing job that's great money.

>>10912

>£25k is pretty dismal for a head chef, unless the place is tiny.

I think he said something that it's a three-star country house hotel in the East Midlands somewhere. They've got two head chefs, it might be that my friend is some sort of junior head chef. I don't know, I don't really know the industry besides going to restaurants to eat.

>>10913

>I get that much entering data into a database.

I know somebody who worked his way up from exactly that, with a degree in geology, at an oil and gas exploration company. The pay was rotten in the beginning, about £20K. But then again, with a geology degree, you are lucky to be working in your field of study. Or working at all.

Anyway, he is now a team lead at their offices in Aberdeen and makes a healthy £60,000 a year and still has room to climb on the career ladder.

>A WOMAN who exposed herself and defecated in a busy supermarket car park has made a 'sincere apology', police say.

>The 44-year-old woman was seen by shoppers pulling her trousers down and staggering around before defecating in the Asda Bilton car park on Sunday afternoon.

http://www.hulldailymail.co.uk/woman-who-defecated-in-asda-bilton-car-park-says-sorry-after-police-warning/story-29425770-detail/story.html

>>10921

I could half understand urinating in a car park, or rather on the side of it near a hedge, where this woman seems to have been.

But to take a shit there is just uncalled for.

>>10930

Women are monsters.

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/read/why-do-women-keep-shitting-in-supermarkets

>>10932

> Karl Marx predicted that the proletariat will revolt if there is enough class-consciousness. The brilliance of this theory is that it cannot be falsified: that the revolution hasn't occurred yet doesn't mean it will never happen, it only means that here is not enough class-consciousness yet. So this could well be the start of the revolution.


Not having read Das Kapital, I may be wrong, but Karl Marx probably didn't write anything about people purposely shitting in public places to incite revolution.

That said, Henry Ford offered a slightly similar observation:

"It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system, for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning."

>>10932
https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1vf6xo/i_do_your_bikini_waxes_and_we_need_to_talk/

>>10935

I don't know... our mum always made sure we would shower right before going to a doctor's appointment, or brush our teeth before going to the dentist.

I still do this today. I try to put doctor's appointments either in the morning or in the evening, so that either I've just showered after getting out of bed, or so that I will have had time to go home and have a quick shower after work before going to see a doc. Dentist appointments are an exception in that I just brush my teeth at the office right before leaving for the appointment.

Women really are worse about personal hygiene at times. Yes, they will shower, slap on their best perfume and put on their most seductive lingerie if they know they will have sex with you that evening. They will routinely wrinkle their nose at what they perceive as men's lack of interest in preventing body odours, and they will chide you for not washing your clothes the right way, for leaving dirty socks and empty pizza boxes in the livingroom, and for leaving microscopic piss droplets on the toilet seat.

But talk to any toilet attendant at a public restroom, for example at a club or even at a train station, and they will tell you that women are pigs with their toilet hygiene. There will be piss and water on the floor, more so than in the men's room, there will be toilet paper scattered all around, and sanitary pads will plug up the toilet bowl.

Women are simply better at covering their tracks and having the rest of the world believe they're uber cleanly beings.

>>10936
My friend at uni house shared with a bunch of girls and there were constant skidmarks in the toilet, sometimes pubes on the seat too, and shaved hair left unrinsed in the bathtub.

>>10937
I did too, women are fucking filthy. They were so squeamish about basic work like cleaning up that they paid me £5 to take the bins out.

>>10936
>>10937
>>10938
Women never lift the toilet seat up, so they go their whole life not realising the amount of splashback they leave on the underside of it, right near the front. Disgusting creatures, the lot of 'em.

>>10937
>>10938
>>10939

Another misconception is that woman tenants take better care of a flat they have leased. They may light scented candles and vacuum the floor, wipe down the cabinets and clean the windows regularly, but one of my parents' friends owns a few properties for rent, and according to him, it is usually electrical appliances and technical fixtures in a flat that deteriorate over time with woman tenants. Men are more prone to trying to fix something when it starts breaking down, or at least have it fixed. Whereas women will tend to just keep using an appliance until it breaks down entirely.

For example, my washing machine is starting to make grinding noises. I know that that's a sign that the bearings are starting to seize up, and I have started looking online for replacement parts which I intend to install myself. I've fixed my own cars since I was a teenlad, so hopefully, with a bit of information gathered from the Internet, this should be a piece of piss. The alternative would be to just wait for the bearings to start locking up, in which case the washing machine motor will eventually burn through. Which will be a lot more expensive than buying new bearings in time.

>>10940
I've lived in 2 houses now as the only man and I can corroborate what everyone is saying. Its sad how they are genuinely afraid of simple jobs considering men stepped up long ago to learn how to iron and sow.

Deport them all to Venus I say. Those that survive will at least have learnt what you need to do when a fuse trips.

>>10940
I hope this is a troll.

>>10942
No, it's the bearings wearing out, can't you even bloody read?

>>10943
If you've not yet looked inside, how would you know the difference between the bearings wearing out and a troll living in your washing machine imitating the sound of the bearings wearing out?

>>10944
How do you know that's not just how trolls speak? That's like saying all Chinkies sound like "ching chong nip nong nong". Racist.

>>10940
Are you a tenant? If so, your landlord is supposed to fix that for you at no cost to you.

>>10947

Yes, I rent. But I bought my own washing machine, as the flat came without one.

"Early-morning milk snatcher doing the rounds in Derbyshire!"

Read more: http://www.derbyshiretimes.co.uk/news/early-morning-milk-snatcher-doing-the-rounds-in-derbyshire-1-7994398#ixzz4DLKSWMG0