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>> No. 9544 Anonymous
26th June 2013
Wednesday 10:29 pm
9544 Recipes only, no comments. Stickied

Expand all images.
>> No. 9545 Anonymous
26th June 2013
Wednesday 10:55 pm
9545 spacer

Heartache aubergine cake from Harry Eastwood's "Red Velvet Chocolate Heartache: The ultimate feel-good book of natural cakes that taste naughty".

The book replaces fats, like oil and butter, with vegetables and also tries to avoid the use of wheat flour. I'm not a brilliant baker but this recipe is a piece of piss and I've had compliments when I've made this along the lines of it being the type of pudding you'd get at a quality restaurant, albeit I didn't add the brandy. It's very rich and moist.
>> No. 9546 Anonymous
27th June 2013
Thursday 11:23 am
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I've appended my britfa.gs cookbook to this JPG, including the ever-popular cake in a mug. Open it in a text editor and look near the end.
>> No. 9578 Anonymous
4th July 2013
Thursday 7:26 pm
9578 spacer
Serves 2 hungry people or 3 probably it depends.

About half a clove of garlic
Cup of oil
Enough oil to deep fry in
0.65kg boneless pork
Four dried large chillies (I used 2 Bhut Jolokia and 2 Scotch Bonnets, the Jolokia are important for the smoked flavour)
2 Egg whites
A juiced lemon or 1/4 cup of lemon juice
Vegetables and pasta for two or three.

Garlic sauce:
Crush all the garlic and put it in a blender with a pinch of salt.
Turn on the blender and start adding the lemon juice and cup of oil, slowly. Then add the egg whites. If you do it "right" you should get something the consistency of mayonnaise, if not you get a liquid; either are fine.

Pestle and mortar the chillies as though you're trying to make them into a powder but gave up when it was powdery flakes because you're lazy. You don't really want a powder, but then you don't want flakes either. Powder turns into mud, flakes fall off. Somewhere between the two. Like rough ground pepper. Put it in a wide bowl.

Cut the pork into chip shapes. I mean chips from the chippy, not MacDonalds. Then bab the chips with a towel or something to get rid of excess liquid.
Start heating up the rest of the oil in a frying pan, you want it to be about 190oc or whatever.
Put them in the bowl with the ground chilli and knead it until there's an even covering of chilli over the meat.
When the oil is hot enough, put the meat in for two and a half minutes. I did it in two batches, so half the meat then half the meat. Carefully take the meat out of the oil with your fingers and put it into a dish with some kitchen roll or a shitty towel to soak up the oil. Check it's cooked through by cutting the larger ones open, if it's still red inside put them back for another 30 seconds or so.

You should have timed the pasta and veg to be ready at the same time, or preprepared them and kept them warm. Serve like that.
If you did the garlic sauce "right", you can use it as a dip for the meat, if not you can just sprinkle it over your meals like a sauce. I did it wrong and it was good, it flavoured the pasta too, nicely.
>> No. 9579 Anonymous
4th July 2013
Thursday 7:34 pm
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Oh and last week:

Thing of tofu
Most of a garlic
Enough noodles
Dry Chillies
Spinach maybe 200g per person. Lots, anyway.
Half a chicken stock each unless one of you has vegetarianism.

Slice and press dry the tofu for 4 maybe 5 hours.
Put all the chillies, the spinach and six or eight garlic into a blender. Blend until not quite a paste but still a bit mushy. Mulch. Put it aside.
Melt some butter in frying pan. Add at least two crushed garlic, fry until brown.
Put the tofu in the garlic butter (still cooking) don't poke it or move it just leave it for four minutes, turn it and leave it for another four. Take it out, put it on a warm plate or something.
Bring the chicken stock to boil in a pan of water, cook noodles using instructions on packet, in the chicken water obviously.
Add more butter to the frying pan. Add the spinach mulch, boil off some of the excess liquid, fry it slightly (not too dry).
Rinse noodles then add them to the mulch, fry a bit, add the tofu if you're feeling adventurous. Serve. Add soy sauce to taste (needs a little salt).

Good accompaniment for gyoza.
>> No. 9580 Anonymous
5th July 2013
Friday 8:56 am
9580 spacer
Easy and Tasty Stir-fries:

Ingredients (easily found if you can find an Asian supermarket):
Oyster sauce - one that isn't too salty - 'Panda' brand (the one with the giant panda on the label) works well.
Dark soy sauce
Sesame oil
Shaoxing rice wine
Beef, chicken, turkey, or pork.
Vegetables of your choosing - spring onions, broccoli, sugarsnap peas, or mangetout work well. Sugarsnap peas and mangetout work especially well.
Chili powder (cayenne works nicely) and/or fresh chillies if you like spicy food
Rice or noodles (pretty much any noodles will do)

- Cut up your meat into thinly sliced bitesize chunks
- Cut up veggies into bitesize chunks (if necessary). If you plan on using chillies, cut them up into long thin slices
- Marinate the meat for about half an hour at room temperature in a mixture of about 4 parts oyster sauce, 3 parts rice wine, 2 parts sesame oil, 1 part soy sauce. For 300g of meat I'd say 1 part would equal 1 heaped tablespoon.
- boil rice or noodles shortly before you begin stir-frying
- Heat up a bit of oil with a high burn point (peanut is the best, sunflower or vegetable work just fine) in a wok or frying pan, stir-fry meat for about 4-5 minutes over high heat.
- Add your vegetables and chillies. At this point it would be a good idea to add 2 more tablespoons of oyster sauce, for more saucy goodness over your rice or noodles. If you have no fresh chillies or want even more heat, now would be the time to add the hot chili powder - half a teaspoon provides a nice heat. Continue stir-frying for about 2-3 minutes.
- If you're using noodles, lower the heat to minimum, and dump the (sieved) noodles into your wok/frying pan. Mix them all in for about 30 seconds and make sure they're thoroughly coated in the sauce. Turn off heat, serve.
- If you're using rice, just turn off the heat and serve your stir-fry over a bowl of the stuff.

This recipe makes a dish that rivals the stir-fry dishes I've had in Chinese restaurants, and completely outclasses the slop you get in Chinese takeaways.
>> No. 9581 Anonymous
6th July 2013
Saturday 6:03 pm
9581 "Pork Biscuit"
* Pork mince
* Pickled Sour Mustard
* Sesame Oil
* Soy Sauce
* Rice

This is a simple Chinese style dish. You'll be steaming this, so you need a large pot with a steaming stand (see image, right hand side) and around 1" of water in it as well as a ceramic bowl that fits into said pot without touching the lid or some other suitable steaming apparatus.

Rinse the mustard under running water, then mince it up quite fine. You want about half a snowball (imagine you're making a snowball with the minced leaves, half that) per 500g of pork mince[1]. Put the pork mince and the mashed leaves into a bowl and mix thoroughly, then add sesame oil to taste (2 table spoons per 500g of meat are a good starting point) and soy sauce (see [1], this is mostly to fine-adjust saltiness) and mix again. Place the resulting mixture into your steaming bowl, place it on top of the steaming stand, put the lid on start cooking on high heat. Once the water is boiling, reduce the heat to medium/low, whichever is needed on your cooker to keep the steam going.

Steam for about 20minutes for the first 500g of meat, then add another 10 minutes per additional 500g. If in doubt, overcooking this doesn't hurt too much.

The result is a tasty meat cake in a strong broth. Serve with rice (season the rice with the resulting broth for extra flavour).

A few extra pointers: the hard part in this recipe is controlling the saltiness. It's easy to overshoot it, so if in doubt leave out the soy sauce the first time you make it… you can always add some when serving. Raw minced pickled mustard makes a good side offering for any other savoury meat dish.

[1] The pickled mustard is quite salty, if you find it's too salty, soak them in water in 15 minute intervals before mincing.
>> No. 9586 Anonymous
11th July 2013
Thursday 9:24 pm
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Any veggies on britfa.gs?

What recipes do you like?
>> No. 9592 Anonymous
11th July 2013
Thursday 10:28 pm
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Here's a recipe I made up today, for spanish style chicken type thingy. Actually only looked at this thread now and it's fairly similar to >>9586.

Serves 1.

Dice chicken breast.
Chop a small onion.
Throw both into a wok with some olive oil and lightly brown.
Add a chopped tomato, and a portions worth of other vegetables, I used courgette and mushrooms, sweet peppers and other stuff would work too.
Add some chopped chilli pepper to taste.

Stir for a couple of minutes until everything is starting to cook.

Add half a small can of tomato puree and mix in. The stuff I used was double concentrated so perhaps weaker stuff would need a bit more added. (first time I've experimented with my own sauce rather than using ready made stuff)

Sprinkle a couple of tablespoons of plain flour over it, then pour over a little boiling water and mix well. Start at half a cupful, you can add more if it starts drying up as you cook.

Add herbs and spices to taste, and the obligatory generous pinch of salt. (try parsely and tyme. mixed spices are always useful too)

Simmer for ~5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Serve with couscous or rice.
>> No. 9593 Anonymous
11th July 2013
Thursday 10:32 pm
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I should add that I seem to have a bit of a natural sense of timing when it comes to cooking. When I say simmer for 5 minutes, it's already mostly cooked during the time I'm still preparing it.

Always check the chicken is cooked through, and if it doubt always leave it cooking for longer.
>> No. 9630 Anonymous
15th July 2013
Monday 9:29 pm
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Grandads home made pea soup.

Serves: However big the pot is, scale up veg but not ham unless you're making it in a massive vat.

Ingredients: Pack of Bigga peas
Pot herbs - Cabbage, Carrots, Celery, Leek - Whatever else tickles your fancy but that is what my grandad uses.
1 Ham shank
1-2 Chicken stock cubes depending on size and taste

How to do it:

Soak your peas over night with the stuff that is included in them
Boil the ham shank in a pot of water for 1 hour, this is the base for your soup so use as much as you need
Take the ham shank out and cup it up into smallish sized bits, putting the bone back in the pot
Add some salt and pepper
Add the chopped up veg and simmer for about 25-30 minutes or until the carrot is nice and soft
Rinse off the peas in a colander under cold water
Add the peas and ham - this will cool the whole thing so turn the heat up
One it starts simmering cook until peas shell
Add chicken stock to taste
>> No. 9637 Anonymous
19th July 2013
Friday 9:08 am
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No aubergine? What is this madness!

1/3 cup extra virgin olive oil
5 large cloves garlic (55 grams), roughly chopped
2 large onions (500 grams), sliced
2 medium red bell peppers (120 grams), cored, seeded and sliced
6 medium tomatoes (700 grams), cored and cut into 8 pieces
3 medium aubergines (400 grams), cut into 1/2-inch thick rounds
3 medium courgettes (700 grams), cut into 1/2-inch thick rounds
1/4 packed cup flat leaf parsley roughly chopped
1/4 packed cup basil roughly chopped
6-8 sprigs thyme
2 teaspoons salt to taste

1. Add the olive oil and garlic to a large heavy bottomed pot, like a Le Creuset and sauté over medium heat until the garlic starts to brown and becomes very fragrant.

2. Turn down the heat to low and then add the onions and bell peppers. Cover the pot with a lid and let the onions wilt, stirring occasionally to prevent burning. Remove the lid and sauté the vegetables until all the water released has evaporated and the onions start to brown.

3. Add the tomatoes, cover the pot with the lid, and simmer until the tomatoes are soft and have released a lot of liquid.

4. Add the zucchini, courgettes, parsley, basil, thyme, salt and pepper. Stir to combine and then cover with a lid and allow the vegetables to cook until tender (30-40 minutes), stirring occasionally.

5. When the vegetables are soft, remove the lid and let the ratatouille continue to simmer until the excess liquid has evaporated and the stew is nice and thick. Adjust the salt and pepper to taste and serve with crusty bread.
>> No. 9656 Anonymous
28th July 2013
Sunday 5:41 pm
9656 Shakshouka

Right, OP here, finally. As Ia m actually about to start cooking I am just going to share a simple, but in the current climate, fucking gorgeous one. I don't usually bother with ingredient lists, but for once I will, and expect a rather distinct instruction style. But without this "cup" drivel.

1.5kg passata, or 4 cans cheapest chopped tomatoes - do not waste your money with fresh, you are going to boil the shit out of these
10 eggs
18 dried Habaneros red chillis (or if you are a massive bumder 10), or fresh equivalent
2 heads (the whole things) garlic
2 vegetable stock cubes (manliness not diminished for lack of meat due to chillis)
1/2 tablespoon ground pepper
Large splash of balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon of basil or 2/3 tablespoon of oregano
Lashings of olive oil
Juice of 1 or 2 limes or lemons if you want to, try it first without

Take your biggest pan and fill with 1cm depth of olive oil. Put on low heat. Add spices and crumble in stock cubes and dried pepper/add fresh. Keep stirring occasionally whilst peeling garlic. After five minutes or so add tomatoes and vinegar and increase heat to medium. Over next half hour chop garlic finely and stir every now and then. About this point a red froth with be seen on top of sauce. Add garlic and lime/lemon. 15 minutes or so from now drop heat to low and leave for 5 minutes, before you break eggs on pan and drop into sauce - sauce a lot more impact absorbant than trying to poach in water. With two attempts you should happily not break any yolk. Leave for 5, then start carefully stirring, attempting not to break yolks, but to spread whites so they cook. Leave for 3 min and repeat, and repeat until resulting mix is mixture of spicy toms, tom/egg white mix, cooked white and yolks. Serve with bread.

You can also add spinach before the eggs and cook for a further 5/10 min for true beauty.
>> No. 9670 Anonymous
31st July 2013
Wednesday 8:06 am
9670 Sardines on toast... my way
1 x Can of sardines (I prefer in tomato sauce)
2 x Slices of bread
1 x Spice pot of favourite spice (I prefer piri piri)
1 x Bottle of ketchup
1 x Cooker with top oven that can toast

Put sardines into a bowl with ketchup and spice and mash in to a flaky paste consistency. Whilst you're doing this toast the side of the bread you will not be placing the sardines on until toasted to the desired colour. Turn over and lightly toast the other side, remove when light golden brown and spread paste across the lightly toasted side. Place back in the cooker and leave to cook until the outside of the sardines has dried up.
>> No. 9671 Anonymous
31st July 2013
Wednesday 8:10 am
9671 spacer
1 x Pasta of your choice (I prefer shells)
1 x Onion
1 x Can of sweetcorn (as much or as little as you desire, frozen is fine too)
1 x Can of peas
1 x Block of cheese of your choice (blue cheese does not work well with this at all)
1 x Block or pack of pancetta (Asda £1.20 for 2 small boxes, has a about a month before it's best before date usually. Bacon bits are an acceptable substitute as is tofu or quorn for vegetarians)

You can 1 pot meal this if you desire, it literally is just a case of combine fucking everything and cook until desired. I prefer to cook the pasta in a separate pot and combine the meat and veg in a separate pot. Add cheese, pepper and maybe some crushed red peppers as desired and to add a different flavour add some garlic flavoured cottage cheese with the vegetables and meat.
>> No. 9698 Anonymous
2nd August 2013
Friday 9:27 pm
9698 spacer
I eat sardines pretty regularly. This is what I do:

1 tin sardines in brine
Juice of half a lemon (yes, that seems like a lot of lemon juice, but trust me)
Dollop of mayo

Drain the brine, mix all the rest up in a bowl, and then spread it on toast. Done.
>> No. 9739 Anonymous
12th August 2013
Monday 6:13 pm
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I tried this out the other day. I added new potatoes (straight out of the garden), a small amount of finely sliced mushrooms, and a generous shake of cumin. It was a bit thick; I cooked it a bit longer and harder than I intended to. It was pretty good. I think I'd add chickpeas next time as the sauce itself isn't quite enough for me even with the addition of potatoes and mushrooms. I also didn't have any lemons/limes to hand, which was a shame as I reckon that'd be a great addition (I do have some of that Jiff-style lemon juice but every time I cook with that it ends up adding a weird background flavour that I dislike).

I think it'd be good served with couscous, too. Thanks for the recipe, anyway.
>> No. 9740 Anonymous
15th August 2013
Thursday 8:42 pm
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1. Slice five cloves of garlic as thinly as possible, then cook at 100 for about three hours - you want to be able to grind it to a powder with a pestle and mortar. Or use garlic powder.
2. Slice tofu into pieces, about 1" long, 1cm long, 1cm wide. Put them on a flat surface, between four kitchen towels with a flat chopping board on top of them. Three cans, such as baked bean cans equally spaced on top. Leave for three to five hours.
3. Cook half a portion of noodles per person with a teaspoon of sugar and a pinch of salt. This recipe is for four people, so two portions of noodles. Drain, rinse with cold water.
4. Melt one inch squared of butter in fryingpan. Add five fresh crushed cloves of garlic. As soon as it starts to brown, add the noodles and fry on a low heat. By the time we use them again, you want them to be browning.
5. I had four very large okra, cut in half and hollowed out. The seeds were added to the noodles to cook, the outer flesh boiled for 20 minutes.
6. Slice some green olives as small as you can be bothered, then fill the okra halves with them. Put them into a pre-heated oven at 210 degrees, for 15 minutes.
7. Dunk the tofu in olive oil, shake off excess.
8. you should have pre-prepared half a bag of cornflour mixed thoroughly with about three teaspoons of salt*, same of pepper, two finely ground chillies and also the sliced, dried and ground up garlic from step 1. Anyway, roll the oily tofu in these and set them aside.
9. By this time you should also have some oil hot enough to deep fry in. Fry the tofu in this, a handful at a time. One minute thirty seconds maximum for each lot, and let the oil heat up again before adding the next lot.
10. Stop frying the tofu because it's been 15 minutes, you need to take the okra out of the oven. Move the okra to a different dish thing, and make a bed of the fried noodles where the okra were, then put the okra back on top. Continue to grill that at 210 degrees for another five minutes, while you finish deep-frying the tofu. Put some kitchen towel on the dish you're putting the tofu on, it'll soak up excess oil.

Split into portions as required. Serve as aesthetically as possible

I tried to also batter and deep-fry some picked jalapenos, the vinegar was a great antidote to the salt and oil, but it kept making loud popping noises and spraying hot oil across the room so I don't recommend it, and the batter didn't even stick. I do suggest you have something sharp with the meal but don't use the same method to batter the pickled jalapenos as you did the tofu.

This is probably the best tofu texture I've achieved yet; a crunchy outer shell and a satisfying bite to the centre.

*I didn't measure the salt, just add it until it's just not quite enough to taste when you dip your finger in. When you can taste it, that's too much. Still edible though.
>> No. 10018 Anonymous
19th October 2013
Saturday 9:29 pm
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Baked hare with sweet sauce

One whole hare
Two diced onions
one diced apple
a small jar of apple sauce
a small packet of raisins (about 5 oz)
one cup of sweet red wine
one finely chopped garlic clove
vegetable stock
salt, pepper
vegetable oil
a bit of sauce flour

Fry the onions together with the apples until the onions are brown. Then pour hot vegetable stock over them and let everything cook just about soft, but make sure the apple pieces don't dissolve.

Make a thick sauce from the fried onions and apples, the apple sauce, the red wine, some more vegetable stock and the raisins and some salt as well as about a tablespoon of vegetable oil.

Rub the garlic and some salt and just a slight hint of pepper onto the hare, then pour a little bit of the sauce you have just made over the hare, and rub in gently. Leave in a temperate dry place for a few hours.

Then, put the hare in a roast casserole with a lid, pour the rest of your sauce over it, and put everything in the oven at medium heat for about an hour. Baste repeatedly.

When the hare is done, make sure your sauce isn't too runny, and add some sauce flour as needed.

Serve with mashed potato and hearty vegetables such as carrots or green beans.
>> No. 10334 Anonymous
11th January 2014
Saturday 2:33 pm
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Mediterranean Chicken

Per serving:

- one large chicken breast
- one tomato, sun dried or fresh
- a bit of red bell pepper
- one midsized onion
- one shallot

- salt
- paprika
- garlic
- sugar
- olive oil
- butter
- Philadelphia cream cheese
- herbs (rosemary, thyme, sage, oregano etc.)
- fried chicken seasoning
- chicken stock
- triple concentrated tomato paste
- dry Italian white wine
- two green olives and two black olives, sliced

Marinade your chicken breast in a mixture of fried chicken seasoning, herbs and white wine. Let sit for two to three hours, turn over repeatedly.

Then, caramelise the sliced onions, shallots and red bell pepper in a frying pan together with just a little bit of olive oil, butter, salt, sugar, white wine, herbs and chicken stock. Leave to simmer under a lid for at least half an hour, gently stirring repeatedly and adding a bit of water now and then to keep everything from drying out.

Then, turn up the heat and add the chicken breast to the pan and sear briefly on both sides. Add some more chicken stock and the olives, and leave to simmer again under a lid at low heat. A few minutes before the chicken breast is done, add the diced tomato and once again leave to simmer gently for a bit so that the tomato bits are cooked but don't fall apart yet.

Finally, remove the chicken breast from the pan and add more chicken stock, a teaspoon of Philadelphia cheese, and a good deal of the tomato paste. Stir to achieve a "saucy" consistency, put the chicken breast back in the pan and just leave at the side of your stove for a few minutes.

Serve with rice and hearty vegetables, such as carrots or beans.
>> No. 10376 Anonymous
24th January 2014
Friday 11:51 am
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Main ingredients: half a kg of diced beef, a tin of red kidney beans in water. Bit of red wine.

Drain and mash the kidney beans. Put them to one side.
Fry the beef with butter and crushed garlic in a big pan, just so it goes brown on the outside. Little bits of red still showing don't matter. Salt and pepper the beef then put it aside to rest, leaving as much of the juices and garlic in the pan as possible. I had fried them in unsalted butter so used more salt, if you use salted butter you might not want to salt it at all.
You may want to add a little more garlic and butter to the pan at this point, depending on how much is left over. Pour half, maybe 2/3 of a cup of red wine in there too, with half a beef stock/oxo cube. Stir that all in then when the liquid starts to simmer, add the kidney bean mash too. Stir that until it's nearly homogeneous then re-add the beef. You want most of the liquid to evaporate so the gunk isn't too runny, but you don't want to make the beef too chewy so leave it on the heat for as long as your intuition tells you to, stirring constantly to mix all the flavours.
Serve in tortillas. Feeds 2-4, goes well with the remainder of the bottle of wine.
>> No. 10383 Anonymous
2nd February 2014
Sunday 3:12 am
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Inverse cheese on toast. The recipe is from a YouTube video, but I lost the link

Knob of butter
Some grated cheddar
Two slices of bread

Melt the butter in a frying pan on low to medium heat. Add in the first slice of bread, then spread most of the shredded cheese on top of it being careful not to spill any into the pan. Put the other slice on top.

Gently fry the bottom slice until browned, then carefully flip the sandwich. Immediately sprinkle a sparse amount of cheese onto the still hot flipped slice of bread. Then continue to brown the other slice. Flip over so the added cheese hardens and sprinkle cheese onto the now revealed side. A minute or two later, flip over again to crisp up the other side.

Result: Melted cheese in the middle, crispy cheese fried bread on the outside.
>> No. 10387 Anonymous
4th February 2014
Tuesday 10:40 pm
10387 Chips with King's sauce
Pack of Rolos
Hot chips

Put a Rolo in your mouth, chew it and swish it around so it coats the inside of your mouth. Then eat some chips and savor the Rolo juice as it melts into the chips.
>> No. 10421 Anonymous
8th February 2014
Saturday 9:41 am
10421 Minced Beef Royale
You'll need:
-Pack of minced beef
-Peas and onions
-Beer or ale (stronger the better)
-Jam (raspberry or blackcurrant are the best)
-Porridge oats
-stock cubes (pref beef ones)
-gravy granules (pref beef ones)
-curry powder (strong)
-Olive oil
-Bread and butter

This is what you do:
Brown off the beef in a saucepan with a little oil. Then add a splash of ale, veg, handful of oats, curry, spoonful of jam, a splash more oil, water and the stock cubes. Bring up boil and then turn down to a simmer for 30 mins. Then add the gravy granules to thicken up and serve with some bread and butter for dipping.
>> No. 10475 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 12:26 pm
10475 Bumble Bee Sandwich
What you need:

-1 or 2 eggs
-Soy sauce
-Salt and pepper
-Bread and butter
-Balsamic vinegar glaze or mustard (optional)

What you do:

-Cut up the mushrooms and put in a frying pan with some soy sauce, spoonful of jam, salt and pepper and a splash of water to start the cooking.

-Cook on a medium heat for about 10 min with the lid on most of the time. Occasionally stir so the mushrooms get coated in the liquid. Then turn the heat up high and dry the pan out.

-Turn the heat down to medium and push the mushrooms over to the side to make room for the eggs. Put some oil in the space and then the eggs.

-Put the lid back on and cook the eggs for about 5 min.

-Take out the eggs and mushrooms and put them in a sandwich with vinegar glaze or mustard if you like but not ketchup or brown sauce cos that's sick.
>> No. 10476 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 12:33 pm
10476 Quick Pizza
Put some tomato puree and grated cheese on some buttered toast for an instant pizza.
>> No. 10477 Anonymous
10th February 2014
Monday 5:42 pm
10477 spacer

Sort of pushing the definition of recipe there, aren't you lad.

West African Peanut Soup
As found in “Sundays at Moosewood Restaurant” .

2 cups chopped onions
1 Tbsp peanut or vegetable oil
½ tsp cayenne or other round chiles
1 tsp grated peeled fresh ginger root
1 cup chopped carrots (chop them very fine or grate if you don’t have a blender available)
2 cups chopped sweet potato
4 cups vegetable stock or water
2 cups tomato juice
1 cup smooth peanut butter
1 cup chopped scallions or chives (These are an integral part of the soup, not a garnish.)

Sauté the onions in the oil until just translucent. Stir in the cayenne and fresh ginger. Add the carrots and sauté a couple more minutes. Mix in the potatoes and stock or water, bring the soup to a boil and then simmer for 15 minutes, until the vegetables are tender.

Using a blender, purèe the vegetables with the cooking liquid and the tomato juice. (If a blender is not available, a vigorous and thorough mashing may substitute). Return the purèe to the soup pot. Stir in the peanut butter until smooth. Taste the soup, its sweetness will depend on the sweetness of the carrots and sweet potatoes. If it’s not there add just a little sugar to enhance the other flavors. Feel free to refrigerate this base for up to a week.

Reheat the soup gently, being sure to prevent scorching. If necessary, you can add more water, stock or tomato juice for a thinner soup. Serve topped with plenty of scallions or chives.
>> No. 10520 Anonymous
26th February 2014
Wednesday 10:17 pm
10520 Vegetarian mince
- Grind 2 tablespoons of chopped garlic with a tablespoon of chopped coriander and half a teaspoon of black pepper.
- chop around 250g of wild mushrooms (I recommend porcini) and do the same with around half that in tofu.
- Fry the garlic, etc before adding the mushrooms. Once the juices have boiled away add the tofu, a pinch of salt and a smattering of soy sauce (some Marmite too if you're feeling fruity), a tablespoon of brown/palm sugar and a couple of minced shallots until it's looking mixed together and nicely done.
- Leave it to cool and then store it in the fridge until you need it.
>> No. 10521 Anonymous
2nd March 2014
Sunday 10:41 am
10521 Alternatively
- Go to Tesco* and buy 375g of 'wholefood soya mince', which presently costs £1.89.
- Add 3 parts of boiling water (plus stock/seasoning) to 1 part soya mince.
- Stir and leave it to stand for 5 minutes.
- Drain.

375g of unprepared soya mince makes approximately 1.5kg of prepared mince, it's a lot nicer than shite like Quorn mince and a lot less faff than the 'duxelle bulked up with tofu' recipe I posted previously. I think it works best in stir frys.

* other shops are available.
>> No. 10527 Anonymous
18th March 2014
Tuesday 4:42 pm
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What in the fuck, which aisle will I find that in?
>> No. 10529 Anonymous
18th March 2014
Tuesday 5:02 pm
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"Pulses, Lentils & Beans"
>> No. 10534 Anonymous
18th March 2014
Tuesday 8:13 pm
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It's down the World Food aisle, usually.
>> No. 10590 Anonymous
15th April 2014
Tuesday 7:09 pm
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I highly recommend this glamorgan sausage recipe:


However, I think it works better in balls/patties than in sausages; the picture is my last go at it, in the fridge before grilling, with spring onion and nutmeg. I think I'm going to experiment with different cheeses and mushrooms. It tastes a lot nicer than it looks.
>> No. 10627 Anonymous
17th May 2014
Saturday 7:45 pm
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I made a cheese sauce to go on my noodles. The sauce was some milk brought to simmering with a small handful of salt, pepper and a crushed clove of garlic, then bavarian smoked cheese stirred in until it melted. Into that I added some streaky bacon I had cooked previously and cut into pieces about 2cmx2cm, as well as a large flat mushroom (diced) which had cooked with the bacon, the bacon fat resting on top of the mushroom as it cooked so it melted in.

Looks more like faggots.
>> No. 10628 Anonymous
17th May 2014
Saturday 9:13 pm
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>I made a cheese sauce to go on my noodles. The sauce was some milk brought to simmering with a small handful of salt, pepper and a crushed clove of garlic, then bavarian smoked cheese stirred in until it melted.
Learn how to make a roux.
>> No. 10629 Anonymous
17th May 2014
Saturday 9:52 pm
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I was quite happy with the result. I was just using up leftovers.
>> No. 10649 Anonymous
9th June 2014
Monday 6:32 pm
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Best pizza sauce. Ever.
>> No. 10819 Anonymous
1st August 2014
Friday 4:49 pm
10819 Buffalo Wings
1kg chicken wings
Salt, pepper, paprika
Sour Cream
Sriracha sauce
White wine vinegar
Home made chilli sauce if you have it (I make mine using chilli, garlic, ginger, sugar, salt and white wine vinegar)

Chop up the wings at the joints discarding the tips (or retaining to make stock)
Coat liberally in oil
Shake in a bag with flour, paprika, salt and pepper so they have a coating
Roast in oven at 220 for 40 mins, turning half way through

Whilst they cook chop up celery into 3 inch sticks and place in bowl

Make a blue cheese sauce using equal amounts of mayonnaise and sour cream, add a small clove of garlic and blend using a stick blender. Add stilton to taste, blending after each addition ( I use about 125-150g). Tried with danish blue once but it was nowhere near as nice

Make chilli sauce using sriracha, butter and a generous splash of wine vinegar. Heat until butter melts and sauce mixes completely. This is again done to taste, you can add more vinegar but you can't take it out. You can also add in your own chilli sauce if you make such things and want to pep it up a bit... you could add some very finely chopped fresh chilli as an alternative.

When the wings are done they should have a crispy coating to them, toss the wings in the chilli sauce and you end up with a sticky buttery tangy chilli coating on them which balances with the celery dipped in the blue cheese sauce.
>> No. 10922 Anonymous
20th August 2014
Wednesday 10:12 pm
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I did a thing where I seared some beef strips (500g? Not sure, something like that.) in unsalted butter with a very light drizzle of red wine* and a teaspoon of ground pepper, then put them aside. Using the same saucepan (so there was still beef dripping in it) and a tad more butter, then add some ground pepper I fried some sliced courgettes (three small ones) for 2 minutes then added a small amount of [Oxo cube in half a pint of boiling water plus the liquid from the raw beef, the rest of the red wine and a little milk** a little less than a pint of liquid total], let that boil off, kept stirring and adding more liquid until the slices were done enough to slide off a fork easily despite being stabbed, then add some ground pepper. Put the courgettes in the same wide dish as the seared beef strips, then add some ground pepper. Your oven should be hot by now too, mine has a setting called "High grill, wide area", not really sure what that means but go for the equivalent, your guess is as good as mine. Put the remaining stock-liquid into the frying pan and bring to the boil, then add some ground pepper. Use a spatula to make sure nothing sticks to the bottom, stir it every now and then. Mix up the beef and courgettes in the wide baking dish thing, then pour the boiled liquid over them, making sure to get everything out of the pan, then sprinkle with some salt and ground pepper. If you have any of that herb that looks like this (image related) chuck some of that in there too. Put this into your oven for five minutes to begin with (any beef or veg that's protruding from the liquid should be going brown) then stir so there's no darkened bits visible. I made enough for about three people, so when that first five minutes is up, now's the time to make enough pasta or spaghetti for three people. Pasta takes about ten minutes, right? So at both five minute interludes, stir the stuff that's in the oven, it should be in there for 15 minutes total if you're keeping up with my maths. You want a nice mixture of stuff that's caramelised and not, without any carbonising. Take it all out, strain the pasta, put it on a hot plate, put the other shit on top of it with plenty of the liquid. Eat it with your mouth, or don't if you'd rather not but I do recommend this last step. Some Parmesan was an interesting addition but not all that important.

*Apparently you should use a "dry red wine", if that means anything to you. I used about a third of a bottle of something I found in the cupboard that said Beaujolais on the label. I'm not certain it was actually Beaujolais or if that matters but a third of a bottle is probably the right quantity.
**Or cream if you have any and want a creamier sauce, I didn't have any.

This wasn't my personal favourite meal, not enough garlic, salt or chilli for my tastes but it did seem to be greatly appreciated by everyone else. If I were to make this meal again, I'd probably paint the courgette with a little melted butter (or olive oil if you want, if which case you should replace all the butter with olive oil so the flavours don't clash - but then there's the issue of the olive oil clashing with the fat from the milk or cream. If I had time and ingredients to experiment with I'd try with and without any dairy, just to see what works) then grill it while preparing the sauce and beef, rather than frying it in the sauce, just to give it a bit more texture and flavour variety. Ideally there'd be some way to flavour the courgette with the sauce and then grill it like that, and then add it to the mixture.
>> No. 10923 Anonymous
20th August 2014
Wednesday 10:19 pm
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I forgot, there was some Lea & Perrins in the stock liquid too. Just a shaking, not a lot.
>> No. 10950 Anonymous
4th September 2014
Thursday 3:12 pm
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Moroccan Sweet Potato Bake

Utensils required: Wooden spoon, casserole dish, wok or deep frying pan, measuring jug, oven and stove.

Ingredients: Sweet potato, capsicum, red onion, tomato, chick pea, goats cheese, spinach leaves, vegetable stock, Ras al Hanout*.
* Ras Al Hanout is a varying blend of spices. The 'blend' I've been using is tubbed from Sainsbury's. I'm not sure what other blends will taste like in this recipe.

1. Casserole dish - bake
Peel and chop sweet potato in 1 inch cubes. Slice capsicum into lengths, discarding the seed. Quarter a red onion. Throw all but half onion in casserole dish and drizzle with oil. Oven for around 40 minutes to an hour up to 200 C.

2. Wok/pan - sauce
Stock in measuring jug with boiling water, 1 pint is a good starting point for small portions. Quarter tomatoes into jug. Brown onions in wok/pan with a drizzle of oil. add jug contents to wok/pan. Allow to cook for a while, 5 minutes or so. Teaspoon or two of Ras Al Hanout to taste. Chickpeas when the liquid has thickened.

3. final stage
Pour sauce into casserole dish, mix and return to oven.
check occasionally and stir. When soft and sauce is mostly absorbed, stir in spinach leaves and lump on goats cheese. return to oven for a further 15 minutes or so.

Remove from oven and allow to cool. Eat.

I don't like listing weights or amounts, so just use however much you think appropriate. Sweet potato is the main ingredient so scale everything from that. Tinned chopped tomatoes can be substitute for fresh. Extra spices with Ras Al hanout if desired.

Maybe I'll add pictures later, maybe not.
>> No. 10982 Anonymous
9th September 2014
Tuesday 12:53 am
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Chipotle Toast

Decent wholegrain bread
Your spread of choice/butter
Chipotle sauce

1. Toast bread.
2. Apply spread.
3. Apply firey hot chipotle sauce.

Don't question it just try it.
>> No. 10995 Anonymous
10th September 2014
Wednesday 6:17 pm
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As much as I appreciate your bare-bones instructions, aspects like whether the casserole dish goes into the oven with the lid on or off need to be included as it changes the way the veg cook. You should also indicate whether you rinse the chickpeas when canned or not - recipes often vary in whether canned chickpeas are added with their water or not.

Either way I've got a vegan version of this in the oven right now and I'll report back with whether it's any good.
>> No. 10996 Anonymous
10th September 2014
Wednesday 8:09 pm
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Post recipe if it is.
>> No. 10997 Anonymous
11th September 2014
Thursday 3:45 am
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It was.

Variations made to original recipe:

- used cannellini beans instead of chickpeas
- no spinach and no goat's cheese
- put a bit of thickener and garlic in the sauce
- whacked some TVP chunks in the sauce
- a hint of smoked paprika in the Ras el Hanout

10/10, good recipe, very easy even when I started drinking at 5pm and was very stoned. Pleased my meat-eating mates which is always a good sign for a vegan dish.

For the interested, I didn't have Ras el Hanout in my cupboard, so made my own blend to the following proportions:

Ras el Hanout

2 part coriander seeds
1.5 part cumin seeds
0.5 part cardamom seeds
0.5 part fennel seeds
0.5 part black peppercorns
0.5 part allspice
1 part ground turmeric
1 part ground cinnamon
0.5 part paprika
>> No. 11003 Anonymous
13th September 2014
Saturday 9:03 am
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The casserole dish is uncovered and chickpeas drained. Your comments are noted; I will be more considerate in future posts I make.
I'm glad you enjoyed the altered recipe.
>> No. 11004 Anonymous
19th September 2014
Friday 8:00 pm
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Any tips on how to jazz up my crude egg foo yung, i.e. omelette with soy sauce?

- Fry some mushrooms
- Grate a carrot, add some crushed garlic and grated ginger. Chuck them in.
- Chop 3/4 spring onions, salt them and then Chuck them in.
- Beat four eggs, add two tablespoons of soy sauce.
- After the food has fried for a little while (but not long enough to be properly cooked) take them out and tip them into the egg/soy sauce mix. Let them stew for a bit.
- Chuck it into a hot pan, turning regularly once it has started to solidify.
- Beat two more eggs and chuck them in for good measure.
- Salt to taste.
- Eat.
>> No. 11005 Anonymous
20th September 2014
Saturday 10:27 am
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Add some oyster sauce and sesame oil to the egg mix.
>> No. 11006 Anonymous
20th September 2014
Saturday 10:41 am
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Interestingly, I roasted the veg separately for the first stage as my casserole isn't wide enough to allow good transpiration, added the beans with their water (which I believe helped the sauce thicken beautifully) and only lidded the casserole when returning the veg with the sauce for the last 15 minutes cooking.

It still turned out great, so between us we've developed an incredibly flexible recipe. n1 m8.
>> No. 11008 Anonymous
27th September 2014
Saturday 11:10 pm
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Here's what I did tonight, anyway.

Mix some salt and pepper, tumeric, cayenne pepper, crushed garlic, ginger and about two thirds of a tin of coconut milk or yoghurt. Mix well, this is the marinade.

Take the skin off of a roast chicken and put it in a pan or something. Baste the chicken in the marinade and wrap it in foil to keep it all on the surface of the chicken. Preferably leave it in the fridge overnight.

Once the marinade is done make an onion/spice mix, fry an onion, salt, pepper, tumeric, cumin, coriander, cinnamon, cayenne pepper, garlic, ginger, a few crushed cardomon pods and some lemon juice. Dump this over the chicken and then put it in the oven for however long it takes.

To go with this put some oil in a pan with a lid and fry some chopped cabbage, along with salt and a little bit of sugar, as well as cumin, turmeric and mustard seeds. Put the lid on and let it cook for about 10 minutes. Might want to add a little bit of water. Keep shaking.

Serve with rice.
>> No. 11009 Anonymous
10th October 2014
Friday 5:05 pm
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What else can I have the mince with, besides stir fry?
>> No. 11010 Anonymous
10th October 2014
Friday 6:05 pm
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I'd pile it on top of some fragrant couscous, or brown rice pilaf.

I am not the poster of that recipe.

I feel so middle class describing couscous as "fragrant" - all it really means is whack some spices (cumin and coriander are sturdy go-tos) in there instead of having it plain.

My copy of Veganomicon arrived a few weeks ago, I'd be willing to type up/photograph a lot of the good recipes out of there with my edits if others would be willing to see it. I made a super spicy kedgeree from it the other day for dinner, it was very filling.
>> No. 11011 Anonymous
10th October 2014
Friday 8:33 pm
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Please do.
>> No. 11012 Anonymous
10th October 2014
Friday 9:23 pm
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Seconding >>11011 I would love some decent vegan recipes. I haven't ever gotten around to buying a vegan cookbook, despite cooking for several vegans.

My current MO is to replace chicken/beef/pork with various mushrooms. I know how much this upsets you vegan lot and I'm terribly sorry for it.
>> No. 11013 Anonymous
10th October 2014
Friday 11:31 pm
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It's very easy to get a bootleg.


>mobilism veganomicon
>> No. 11014 Anonymous
11th October 2014
Saturday 8:18 am
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OP here. Yes.
>> No. 11015 Anonymous
11th October 2014
Saturday 8:42 am
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There's no real substitute for proper chunks of meat; you can make a passable meat-free mince but that's it. If I'm not using alternatives, like sweet potato, cashew nuts and chickpeas then I think the closest I've come to meat was when I pulsed some chickpeas and adzuki beans, mixed in some nutmeg, paprika, mustard and breadcrumbs and then smoked them.
>> No. 11016 Anonymous
11th October 2014
Saturday 8:53 am
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Warm falafels can taste quite burger-ish.

I think quorn and vegan pretend burgers can be quite convincing. It's a shame they all seem to have eggs in. The vegan burgers tasted right but had a peculiar texture which was disturbing until I got used to it. Then I'd finished the box I'd bought without skim-reading the allergy section for eggs and wouldn't get them again.
>> No. 11017 Anonymous
11th October 2014
Saturday 8:57 am
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Blaze it.
>> No. 11018 Anonymous
11th October 2014
Saturday 8:57 am
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Good call on the falafel burgers. I think Quorn do decent imitation breaded chicken with their dippers and southern style burgers, but most other burgers I've had are bland. You can get an alright sausage though, especially if you make a nice gravy for it.
>> No. 11019 Anonymous
11th October 2014
Saturday 9:01 am
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I meant vegetarian not vegan.
>> No. 11020 Anonymous
14th October 2014
Tuesday 12:25 am
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Tell a lie, it wasn't even from Veganomicon, it was a bastardised version of something from Complete Vegetarian.

Super Spicy Veggie Kedgeree Serves 1-2 normal people OR 1 greedy fucker (me)


1 shallot/small onion, finely chopped
2-3 cloves garlic, finely chopped, or paste
50g dried red lentils
100g brown or Basmati rice
1-2 tsp super hot curry powder
half a hot chili, rehydrated for 8 hours overnight (I used a small naga hybrid), finely chopped
fresh coriander, chopped
4 cloves
4 tbsp vegetable oil/vegan cooking fat (I use Vitalite)
bay leaf


1. Put the lentils in a saucepan, add the bay leaf and cover with cold water. Bring to boil, skimming off any foam, then reduce the heat. Cover and simmer for 25-30 mins until tender. Drain, then discard the bay leaf.

2. Meanwhile, cook rice according to instructions on pack - but add the cloves and a generous pinch of salt to the water. Brown rice will take longer; white basmati won't. Cook until tender. Discard the cloves.

3. Melt the oil/cooking fat in a large saucepan over a gentle heat (I use half veg oil and half Vitalite because Vitalite is rather salty). Then add the onion and garlic and sweat for 5-8 mins until softened. Add the curry powder and chopped chilli and cook, stirring, for 1 min.

4. Stir in the lentils and rice and mix well until they are coated in the spiced oil/butter. Season and cook for 1-2 minutes until cooked through and piping hot. Serve tossed with fresh coriander and quartered hard-boiled eggs on top if so inclined.

I also like to eat this with a bit of hot sauce or hot pickle on top or on the side, sometimes a mango chutney if I'm feeling fruity. This fridges well, I usually make enough to be lunch and dinner for 2 days but then I end up eating it all because I'm a sad lonely fuck who thinks eating vegan makes me cool.
>> No. 11023 Anonymous
18th October 2014
Saturday 10:08 pm
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Chicken Breast With Mediterranean Onion and Olive Tomato Sauce

- 2 white chicken breasts
- 2 sliced and quartered onions
- 1 sliced shallot
- 2 black olives, 2 green olives, sliced
- 1 diced unskinned tomato
- chicken stock
- dry white wine
- 1/2 tablespoon of Philadelphia Garlic & Herbs Cheese
- triple concentrated tomato puree
- fried chicken seasoning
- Italian Herb Seasoning (Schwartz or similar)
- salt
- pepper

Rub fried chicken seasoning and Italian Herbs onto the chicken breasts, add a dash of white wine, and leave to marinade for two or three hours; turn over repeatedly.

Sear onions in a medium sized frying pan for a few minutes at high temperature with a dash of salt until they just about turn slightly brown. Douse with a little bit of white wine first, stir briefly, then add chicken stock so the onions are just about covered. Also add the diced shallot, and leave to simmer under a lid at low heat for about five to ten minutes.

Next, turn up the heat, put the chicken breasts in the pan and sear briefly on both sides. Turn the heat back down, put in the olives and a bit more of the chicken stock, and leave to simmer again. Check repeatedly, and add the diced tomato about five minutes before the chicken is done.

Lastly, remove the chicken breasts from the pan, add the Philadelphia cheese and quite a bit of tomato puree (and perhaps yet more chicken stock as needed), and stir until you've got a thick creamy consistency. Replace the breasts, pour a bit of the sauce you have just created over them, and leave under a lid again, off the stove, for a few minutes.

Serve with rice (or mashed potato) and vegetables.
>> No. 11024 Anonymous
29th October 2014
Wednesday 2:18 pm
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Pasta e Faglioli

1 tin Borlotti beans
3/4 tin chopped tomatoes with herbs
6 cherry tomatoes
Small onion, finely chopped
6 garlic cloves
Olive oil
Pinch smoked paprika
Pinch chilli flakes
Italian herb seasoning (oregano, basil, rosemary, thyme etc.)
1/2 litre stock (I used beef)
Small pasta like ditalini, or penne broken into halves


1. Finely chop onion and crush 4 of the garlic cloves, finely chop the other 2. Chop tomatoes into sixths.
2. Heat 1-2 tbsp of olive oil in a large saucepan over a medium heat. Sweat the onion and garlic with the smoked paprika and a good shake of Italian herb seasoning until softened.
3. Add the chopped cherry tomatoes. Stir and cover, cook until softened and juices are released, about 5-8 mins.
4. Add the tinned tomatoes and stir. Simmer under cover for 10 mins. Add half the stock and stir, then cover and simmer for a further 5-8 mins.
5. Add the ditalini and the rest of the stock, cover, and simmer until the pasta is just underdone, approx 8 mins.
6. Drain the tinned borlotti beans and add to the pot. Stir, cover and simmer for 3 mins until beans are heated through and pasta is cooked.
7. Season and serve.

This will taste much better the next day after the flavours have had time to develop. If the soup isn't tomato-ey enough for you, add a little tomato puree at stage 3.
>> No. 11030 Anonymous
5th November 2014
Wednesday 5:19 pm
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I made a roux this time, possibly. I haven't looked that word up, I just added flour to some hot butter and bacon fat. Close enough. Then chucked sliced garlic to caramelise, followed by about half a pint of milk stirred in, followed by a bunch of cheddar and mozzarella. Stirred that in, then poured it over the macaroni, freshly crisped bacon and some jalapeños. Added a few pinches of freshly ground pepper, put the mixture into three little bowls, grilled them at 200 for three minutes. A pinch of mozzarella on top with a pinch of pepper on top of that for looks, then another three minutes in the grill.
>> No. 11031 Anonymous
5th November 2014
Wednesday 5:20 pm
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The bowls were too hot to handle so I had to serve them on this tiny chopping board.
>> No. 11067 Anonymous
29th November 2014
Saturday 7:36 pm
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Apologies, the scanner didn't get the very bottom of the recipe. I did this at the library and didn't realize the mistake, til I got home.

The rest of the recipe is as follows:

300 ml veg stock or water
50g peas
Black pepper

I've had this with and without the tofu and apple. The tofu doesn't add enough to the flavour to justify its price. Also the apple doesn't do much either so feel free to leave these out if you want.
>> No. 11068 Anonymous
29th November 2014
Saturday 8:13 pm
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I'd give you a recipe but I think I'm too drunk to cook.
>> No. 11069 Anonymous
1st December 2014
Monday 8:19 pm
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Last night's dinner. Improvised chicken dish:

- Chicken breasts, chopped into chunks

- Marinaded for an hour or so in:
Garam masala spice mix (Tesco brand)
Black pepper
Dijon mustard
Garlic (Prechopped from a jar)
Lemon juice
2 Scotch bonnets, finely chopped.

- Fried all that for ~20 mins, in olive oil.
- Added some milk to make a bit of sauce. Had no yoghurt or cream to hand.

- Simulateounly boiled some brown basmati.

This could've then been served as rice with chicken/sauce on top, but I like to mix everything together. So I preceded to mix everything together, and served in a large bowl.

It was honestly one of the most amazing things I've ever cooked. It literally put a smile on my face due to how delicious it was. I will be repeating this during the week, except with red chillis instead of scotch bonnets.
>> No. 11070 Anonymous
8th December 2014
Monday 12:54 pm
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Can you use curry sauce instead of curry paste?
>> No. 11142 Anonymous
14th January 2015
Wednesday 7:28 pm
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Proper nice turkey burgers

For one:

· 120g of turkey mince
· 1 chilli pepper, chopped finely
· 30g onion, chopped finely into small bits
· (optional) mushroom chopped into small bits
· mixed leaf crunchy salad
· bell pepper
· 2 slices of danish bread
· mixed herbs, salt, pepper, other spices of your choice

Begin by chopping the onions, chillis, and mushrooms up.
Sautée for a couple of minutes.
Put in a bowl, leave to cool for a minute or two.
Meanwhile, chop up the bell pepper and prepare the salad.
Add the turkey to the bowl with all the spices and herbs, a dash of oil and a sprinkle of flour if you have some.
with your hands, mix thoroughly but not too much.
Once satisfies with the mix, take out of the bowl and form into either one large or two small burgers.
Grill/fry for ~6 mins a side on high heat (or until you are satisfied it's cooked through).
Meanwhile, toast the bread and put a thin layer of butter/marge on if you want. Put the salad on the bread and press down. Then, do the same with the peppers.
Finally, put the cooked burgers on top of that.
Drizzle with a sauce of your choice and serve with whatever veg. I chose broccoli.

Absolutely fucking delicious.

Nutrition for people who like that.
>> No. 11144 Anonymous
14th January 2015
Wednesday 7:31 pm
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Why no egg?
>> No. 11145 Anonymous
14th January 2015
Wednesday 7:32 pm
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I didn't have any in. Egg would help bind them, though, as they do fall apart quite easily without the egg.
>> No. 11155 Anonymous
15th January 2015
Thursday 8:44 am
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Burger puritan here, thoroughly mixing your mince will develop myocin; a binding protein removing the need for egg or breadcrumbs.
>> No. 11157 Anonymous
15th January 2015
Thursday 11:32 am
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So I was fine without the egg, then?
>> No. 11163 Anonymous
16th January 2015
Friday 9:55 am
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you said they fall apart easily, egg/breadcrumbs/working your meat would have cured this, I've spent the last year experimenting with creating burgers and sausages, and I've made some tasty lil buggers that had terrible texture or bad structure so I say as long as you enjoyed it you did fine ladm8
>> No. 11165 Anonymous
16th January 2015
Friday 12:51 pm
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>egg/breadcrumbs/working your meat
Ideally, all three. Burgers falling apart during cooking is as irritating as breaking the yolk when frying an egg. Why take the chance, I say.
>> No. 11166 Anonymous
16th January 2015
Friday 6:28 pm
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How To Use Mega Thick Sliced Loafs

Toast a slice like it was normal bread, then when it's "done" slice it diagonally and scrape out the untoasted bit from the middle. Now stuff that space with brie, or maybe another cheese but I've only used brie. Gently press down on the stuffed slices, maybe tuck the cheese in with the flat of a knife. Now put it in the microwave for just long enough to get the brie nice and melty, but not all gross and bubbly (I just played it by eye) and you've basically made a toasty. Oh, and stand them on end so the cheese doesn't melt out onto the plate.

I think this is a new idea, it's new to me at least.
>> No. 11167 Anonymous
17th January 2015
Saturday 4:14 pm
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Can't you just, uh, make a toastie?
>> No. 11168 Anonymous
17th January 2015
Saturday 4:59 pm
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Well, no. Not without a toasty maker, right?
>> No. 11171 Anonymous
17th January 2015
Saturday 6:32 pm
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Lah di bloody dah.

>> No. 11179 Anonymous
18th January 2015
Sunday 1:43 am
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A George Foreman makes a better toastie than a toastie maker.
>> No. 11180 Anonymous
18th January 2015
Sunday 1:59 am
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Despite the fact it's six months old and only has 77+ replies that image still defines. gs for me.
>> No. 11181 Anonymous
18th January 2015
Sunday 7:39 am
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2013 was 6 months ago?
>> No. 11182 Anonymous
18th January 2015
Sunday 8:06 am
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Maybe he's a United fan and 2014 never happened to him.
>> No. 11184 Anonymous
18th January 2015
Sunday 8:23 am
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Did you see that LUDICROUS display last night?
>> No. 11186 Anonymous
18th January 2015
Sunday 1:12 pm
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I've asked a few friendly Japs about the malt vinegar thing and they said they had no idea what it was about, it wasn't a British stereotype they knew of. Maybe they were telling the truth or maybe they thought my precious British ego couldn't take the malt-vinegar mocking.
>> No. 11206 Anonymous
6th February 2015
Friday 5:14 pm
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Oh my shits, shops run by muslamics are amazing. a kilo of shrimp and a kilo of squid for a tenner.
>> No. 11207 Anonymous
6th February 2015
Friday 5:28 pm
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Yeah, but I bet they were martyred. Every bite an added motivation for ARE ISIS.

I'll get my hijab...
>> No. 11208 Anonymous
6th February 2015
Friday 8:11 pm
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Arsenal always try to walk it into the net
>> No. 11209 Anonymous
6th February 2015
Friday 9:04 pm
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Careful, lad. They may be crusty slugs instead of shrimp.
>> No. 11226 Anonymous
8th February 2015
Sunday 11:15 am
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I'm having a go at chickpea fries, but I've misread the ingredients so you might want to scale this down unless you're serving to a dozen people.

Crush 3/4 cloves of garlic and place it into ~1.9l of boiling water. Slowly mix in 540g of gram flour (I picked up a kg bag from Morrisons for just over £1) until it ends up like very thick custard and there's no lumps. Put it in a glass bowl, wait for it to cool before covering it in cling film and bunging it in the fridge for a few hours. When it's set cut it into chips and fry. Mine's in the fridge at the moment, it smells and tastes like rubbery mash potato which I guess is a good thing.
>> No. 11407 Anonymous
15th May 2015
Friday 5:25 pm
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Seems like adding cheese when you're doing DIY garlic bread is a great idea. I'm probably going to be ill now but who cares. Some sort of peppered cheddar and mozzarella.
>> No. 11414 Anonymous
28th May 2015
Thursday 12:38 am
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Cream of Mushroom Soup with Condensed Onions and Shallots

- 300-450 gr brown button mushrooms, sliced
- 3 midsize onions, sliced
- 3 shallots, sliced
- 1 spring onion

- a few tsp. of plain wheat flour
- 1 pint of water
- 3/4 cup of double cream
- 1 teaspoon of tomato paste
- a few dollops of butter
- 1 tablesp. of grated Parmesan cheese (Grana Padano will do as well)
- 1/2 tablesp. of Philadelphia cream cheese
- salt
- pepper
- Italian herbs mix
- vegetable stock
- dry (Italian) white wine
- red wine

Sautee the onions in a bit of butter in a smallish pan with a high rim until light brown, stirring constantly. Then first douse with a gulp of the white wine, allowing it to evaporate for a moment while still stirring, then add the shallots and just about cover with vegetable stock.

The onions and shallots must now simmer with a lid at low heat for approximately an hour, until they have turned brown and sticky. Add drizzles of water repeatedly as needed. This bit is a bit tricky, but if you get it right, you will be rewarded with a deliciously sweet onion flavour that you just won't get otherwise.

Meanwhile, fry the sliced mushrooms in another pan with a dash of salt and let simmer under a lid for a few minutes.

Then, in a separate pot, make your soup by starting out with a roux and then by gradually adding more water and flour and working your way up, whisking vigorously by hand so any flour clumps will dissolve, and adding the teaspoon of tomato paste somewhere along the process. Once you have a sufficiently thick texture, add some salt, a dash of pepper, a bit of vegetable stock, a dash of herbs, a hint of red wine, and finally the double cream, the Parmesan and the Philadelphia cheese. Lastly, add the fried mushrooms (including the liquid that may have collected in the pan from frying) and the condensed onions, stir gently, and let sit for about half an hour. Briefly reheat and stir gently. Sprinkle with chopped spring onion before serving.
>> No. 11927 Anonymous
2nd February 2016
Tuesday 12:32 pm
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>Lad, recipes are mostly bollocks. Ignore whatever times are listed because it's completely arbitrary in relation to what you're doing, your cooker is different, the pan is different, even the thickness and size of what you're cooking is different.

>Use common sense, if something is supposed to take 1hr, and you know your oven is shite, check at 1hr, had a prod, and put it back in for 10 minutes extra.
>> No. 11928 Anonymous
2nd February 2016
Tuesday 12:52 pm
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Do this, but put cream cheese on both sides of both slices of bread before frying.

Thank me later, when you're in hospital with coronary failure...
>> No. 12078 Anonymous
20th August 2016
Saturday 7:38 pm
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Super Easy Delicious Risotto

-Cook some mushrooms in butter with, salt, pepper and a bit of garlic.
-Bang a can of Heinz mushroom soup in when they're about done.
-Dump a load of rice in, and let it simmer until it's cooked. Add milk if it dries up or gets too stodgy.
>> No. 12079 Anonymous
20th August 2016
Saturday 10:48 pm
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This sounds nice. I'll give it a go on Monday. Cheers!
>> No. 12144 Anonymous
1st November 2016
Tuesday 1:17 pm
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This site has easy, cheap, healthy dishes.


If you live in the West Midlands, you go on their free course with free food. It's all government funded.
>> No. 12145 Anonymous
1st November 2016
Tuesday 5:55 pm
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That's a really good idea.
>> No. 12211 Anonymous
23rd January 2017
Monday 5:18 pm
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Other than now having to dispose of a pan full of hot oil and gunk, making mozzarella sticks is pretty easy.

Dash of water and a couple of eggs beaten in a bowl. Some of those pre-crumbed breadcrumbs. That cheap mozzarella that doesn't fall apart, Sainsburies sell bricks of it. Chop the cheese into whatever shapes, dunk it in the egg, then the crumbs then do that again (just doing it once isn't enough and it flakes off in the oil). Chuck them two at a time in some oil that's hot enough to sizzle when you drip a little of the egg stuff into it, for 15-30 seconds until golden brown. Fish them out somehow and put them on some kitchen roll to absorb the extra oil.

They're okay, nothing special. I think some seasoning mixed into the crumbs would improve it a lot, salt especially.
>> No. 12302 Anonymous
1st May 2017
Monday 6:26 pm
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Fuck, this was me being desperate, and injured in my right arm. Fuck it was beautiful.

1) Take saucepan. Put on hob.

2) Chop an onion, garlic, Chinese broccoli (or any leafy green one wishes), half a head of garlic, half a pepper, a chilli, bacon.

3) Fry.

4) Make some Me Goerong instant noodles (or whatever.) Add spice mix, chili powder, pepper and salt to saucepan. Oxo/stock to taste.

5) After 15 min tops, add contents of pan to 2 bowls of noddles.

6) Enjoy.

This, I have finally realised, is how you eat instant noodles. Fuck was that lovely.
>> No. 12303 Anonymous
3rd May 2017
Wednesday 2:52 am
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>Fish them out somehow
Bit late to this, but you want one of these (attached). They're called a wire skimmer.

>This, I have finally realised, is how you eat instant noodles.
Sounds good. I've never gone that far but I do occasionally do egg drop noodles (toss in an egg to cook in the water when you're boiling the noodles, takes a bit of learning but it won't take more than a go or two to figure it out). Works best with a duck egg, their yolk is really rich and complements the otherwise rather artificial "umami" (MSG) of flat-pack instant noodles.
>> No. 12304 Anonymous
28th June 2017
Wednesday 2:08 pm
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I got a slotted spoon, it does just as well.

Turns out you can buy 2.3kg tubs of hot lime pickle.
>> No. 12327 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 6:21 pm
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I noticed some sausage meat in a bag in Sainsburies so I made some Scotch Eggs. Well. Auld Alliance eggs (I added mashed French garlic to the meat). Plus finely diced bacon and a couple of jalapeños from the garden.
They don't taste a lot like store-bought Scotch Egg;, a different sort of flavour entirely but damn they're good.
>> No. 12328 Anonymous
9th September 2017
Saturday 10:07 pm
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They look tremendous.
>> No. 12386 Anonymous
21st November 2017
Tuesday 7:10 pm
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I tried making my own bread but I used a recipe for naan and didn't have the right ingredients so just mostly made it up. It's not bad, a bit dense. I made it into mini bacon and cheese sarnies.
>> No. 12387 Anonymous
26th November 2017
Sunday 8:45 pm
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The best pudding ever:-

• One sachet of chocolate mousse mixture. I recommend Green's.

• A few drops of orange extract. I recommend Sainsbury's Taste the Difference Valencian orange extract.

It's like an incredibly intense version of Terry's chocolate orange. Seriously, it's the tits.
>> No. 12388 Anonymous
26th November 2017
Sunday 9:56 pm
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>I recommend Green's
>> No. 12389 Anonymous
10th December 2017
Sunday 7:49 pm
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After a tiny bit of trial and error I think I've cracked the best vegetarian lasagna, if it can be classified as such.

• Roast peppers with a fucktonne of oil. I suggest two sweet red pointed peppers and three yellow/red/orange bell peppers.

• When you're done with the oil use it to fry five or six shallots. After they're nice and soft add in one tin of chopped tomatoes and one tin of plum tomatoes. Let them cook for a while before going at them with a masher. Add any tomato puree or salt as you see fit.

• Cook at least one big bag of spinach. When they've wilted mix in some form of soft cheese; ricotta works best but you can use any soft/cream cheese spread instead.

• Mix most of the tomato sauce with the peppers and use this for the bottom two layers of the lasagna. Use the cheesy spinach layer as the middle and the remaining tomato sauce on top.

• Top with cheese and/or breadcrumbs.

• Eat.
>> No. 12430 Anonymous
24th February 2018
Saturday 10:16 am
12430 Ultimate veggie carbonara
Step 1 - Remove stalks from a pack of mushrooms. Lightly brush them in oil, crushed garlic and black pepper. The best thing to do with them is to smoke them, which either requires living in the American Midwest, having a barbecue or either experimenting with your grill or burning something in the bottom of a wok (which you've double lined with tinfoil first) whilst having the mushrooms hovering on top on a wire rack with a lid over them.

Step 2 - Cook 500g of linguine until it is also dente.

Step 3 - Crack four eggs into a bowl and mix them together. Mix cheese, preferably pecorino or another Italian hard cheese but mature cheddar works too, until it's all thick and gloopy.

Step Four - Scoop out a cup full of the pasta water before draining it, but don't shake it completely dry.

Step Five - Mix everything back in the pan. The heat from the pan should cook the egg mixture without scrambling it. Add more cheese to taste and a little of the pasta water if it's not at the desired consistency.
>> No. 13039 Anonymous
17th July 2019
Wednesday 10:50 pm
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Oh god that's a disgusting idea.
>> No. 13046 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 6:50 pm
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Disgusting ideas can still taste delicious. For example, toast dunked in tea / wotsits dunked in coffee.

Once you get over these entry-level things, you may consider Tripe and Head Cheese.
>> No. 13059 Anonymous
10th August 2019
Saturday 4:20 pm
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In one large pot:
400g diced pancetta.
A good helping of oil (coconut works well)
Fry on max heat for 3-5 minutes
Add 500g of at least 20% fat beef mince.
Continue to fry until browned.
Add mashed tomatoes to taste.
Add beans, any beans. As much as you want. Not dried beans, though.
Add chilli powder, chilli sauce, chilli flake, shichimi, pepper and anything else that resembles spice.
Stir properly, then turn down heat.
Simmer (use a simmer ring if you have a gas hob) for 10-20 minutes until too hungry to wait longer.

Serve with rice.
>> No. 13061 Anonymous
13th August 2019
Tuesday 7:10 pm
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Making fruit leather (blended fruit dried out on a tray) is satisfying but I'm bored of doing that.

Here's one of two baking trays with blended tomato, celery, salt, pepper, Tabasco, Worcestershire sauce and some lemon.
There are another two of the same but also a handful of thyme, MSG, paprika and an anchovy, just because. There's enough of the mix left to make another one and a half but it won't fit so it's chilling in the fridge until these four lots have finished drying
No idea how it'll be in the end but the weird salsa that it is now is quite nice.
>> No. 13062 Anonymous
13th August 2019
Tuesday 7:14 pm
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I originally read pancetta as placenta and presumed cat food eater had struck again.
>> No. 13063 Anonymous
14th August 2019
Wednesday 6:50 pm
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tomato leather.jpg
It worked. This is definitely savoury fruit leather. The first batch had too much tabasco in it so the heat overpowers the more subtle flavours of the celery and thyme but it comes through nicely in the second.
>> No. 13065 Anonymous
14th August 2019
Wednesday 9:03 pm
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I'll ber honest mate, fruit leather like shit going in but when cooked the transformation is incredible. I'd consider paying for something looking like that.
>> No. 13067 Anonymous
15th August 2019
Thursday 4:24 am
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It has almost as much bite as jerky, the main difference is that it's much thinner. It's quite satisfying to chew and extremely flavourful.
>> No. 13092 Anonymous
10th October 2019
Thursday 10:41 am
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I made some nice burgers today.

Mince beef
Porridge oats
Diced onion
Mixed herbs
Soy sauce

Mix it all together, shape into patties and cook in the oven.
>> No. 13093 Anonymous
10th October 2019
Thursday 12:39 pm
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>Mince beef

Beef mince? Minced beef?
>> No. 13109 Anonymous
20th October 2019
Sunday 8:58 pm
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>> No. 13110 Anonymous
20th October 2019
Sunday 9:19 pm
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I've seen this a few times and it's always hilarious that he tells you to chuck a chilli seasoning packet in the bin then makes you mix a load of dried spices together, as if that wasn't almost certainly exactly what was in that packet in the first place.
>> No. 13111 Anonymous
20th October 2019
Sunday 9:43 pm
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Speghetti from a tin, not from a tin.

Chop tomatos with salt and pepper, and simer under a pot lid. Add broken speghetti sticks when the water is nice and concetrated.
Add chopped carrots if you want to go full retard.

Get on my level, scrubs.
>> No. 13112 Anonymous
20th October 2019
Sunday 10:14 pm
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You're getting super fucking lazy.
>> No. 13113 Anonymous
25th October 2019
Friday 5:16 pm
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ham and banana sandwich
>> No. 13114 Anonymous
25th October 2019
Friday 5:21 pm
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Bacon and banana works very well on the BBQ together, so I'm not that surprised by this.

Also, banana sandwiches (sugar, crushed nuts, optional) are excellent.
>> No. 13115 Anonymous
25th October 2019
Friday 6:32 pm
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If you put a banana in my sandwich I'd crush your nuts alright.
>> No. 13117 Anonymous
25th October 2019
Friday 6:40 pm
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Barbecued banana is amazing. You just throw them on for 15 mins or so at the end, they go all soft and gooey on the inside. Add in a bit of brandy and some cream, maple syrup, that sort of thing.
>> No. 13118 Anonymous
25th October 2019
Friday 6:51 pm
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Break the bananas into three pieces.
Wrap each with a slice of bacon.
Use a cocktail stick to hold in place.
Stick on BBQ - enjoy in about 5 minutes.
>> No. 13123 Anonymous
26th October 2019
Saturday 1:21 am
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If you can find plantains near you, give them a try. Fried plantain slices are great.
>> No. 13125 Anonymous
26th October 2019
Saturday 10:26 pm
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>> No. 13126 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 10:13 am
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hot chips dipped in chocolate spread
>> No. 13127 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 10:18 am
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Mate. I'm going to blow your mind.
>> No. 13128 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 11:23 am
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Never had gammon with pineapple, but it must be the original root cause of the pizza topping, and so therefore delicious.
>> No. 13144 Anonymous
27th November 2019
Wednesday 12:23 pm
13144 Thickened hot chocolate
1 mug milk
1 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp corn flour

heat up and stir together in a saucepan
>> No. 13145 Anonymous
28th November 2019
Thursday 3:57 pm
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Make that 2 tbsp corn flour.
>> No. 13146 Anonymous
5th December 2019
Thursday 4:36 pm
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Thanks for the chocolate custard.
>> No. 13147 Anonymous
5th December 2019
Thursday 7:08 pm
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It needs egg to be custard. This is just chocolate sauce.
>> No. 13148 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 9:37 pm
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Roast carrots. I can't seem to get them to taste right and its less than a week until Christmas. I've been basing it off:

But they always seem to have this jelly taste to them with a sticky texture.
>> No. 13149 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 10:13 pm
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I've tried that recipe too and didn't like it.

I amended it by a) using really good carrots (the funky colour ones), b) not pre boiling them and c) using maple syrup instead of the honey. Shove them in a baking tray, cover with cling film and then seal foil over the top. 40 minutes in oven.

So not really the same recipe at all, but my version works well. They're really good roasted.
>> No. 13150 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 10:31 pm
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>cover with cling film

Fascinating. Wouldn't the sealing essentially just mean a stronger taste? I'm glad I'm not the only one who has found them off. Been trying to weeks to get it perfect thinking it was just me.
>> No. 13151 Anonymous
20th December 2019
Friday 10:42 pm
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We need a chef lad to comment on why it works better.

It's quite recently I learned that you could put cling film under a layer of foil, to cover an oven dish, and it survives the oven just fine. I think it creates a better seal than just the foil alone.

I do parsnips the same way too, again with maple syrup instead of the honey, but they don't need as long as the carrots.

>> No. 13152 Anonymous
21st December 2019
Saturday 1:15 pm
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I've never done this or ever put cling film in the oven (it might survive fine but sciencelad might be able to tell us if it'll be leeching any worrying chemicals) but if you seal anything while cooking it, what you're doing is keeping in all of the water that would usually have been evaporated, effectively steaming at the same time as roasting, which will prevent them from drying out or the honey getting too candied, both which would lead to a jelly/sticky texture.

Most restaurants have what we call a combi oven, which can basically pump steam into your oven while roasting, and is exactly how I'd make carrots like this, so I suppose that all makes sense.
>> No. 13153 Anonymous
23rd December 2019
Monday 6:31 pm
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So far in my home made hot sauce experiments, the key seems to be adding liberal quantities of MSG and a little chipotle. Provided the rest of the ingredients don't include anything that clashes horribly with that or each other, it'll be delicious.
>> No. 13177 Anonymous
9th January 2020
Thursday 5:51 pm
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>> No. 13187 Anonymous
17th January 2020
Friday 2:45 pm
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mince pie.jpg

>> No. 13211 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 5:59 pm
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>> No. 13237 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 9:28 pm
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>> No. 13269 Anonymous
17th March 2020
Tuesday 5:46 pm
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marmite on toasted fruit loaf
>> No. 13271 Anonymous
30th March 2020
Monday 5:55 pm
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>> No. 13279 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 3:51 pm
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I had a go at making flapjacks today. It didn't go very well and wouldn't hold together so I crumbled it up and put it in Greek yogurt. It was delicious.

100g oats
50g sunflower oil
30g honey
Handful of raisins

Mix all ingredients together and bake in a tray at 180C until it browns a bit.
>> No. 13280 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 9:08 pm
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I usually do mine with a heafty knob of butter, no oil and a bit of brown sugar. Can never get it right, though; i end up ramming it down with weight and getting a dense oat brick - if not the whole thing kindof pumps up with layers of air.
>> No. 13281 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 10:19 pm
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>heafty knob
>no oil
>ramming it down
>pumps up

This is like a potty mouthed Nigel Slater.
>> No. 13292 Anonymous
21st April 2020
Tuesday 11:20 am
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>> No. 13296 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 9:12 am
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Spicy Savory and Sweet Mexican Corn Bowl (Elote)

1 Can of Corn
A couple scoops of Mayonnaise
Grated Cheese like Parmesan
Powdered Cayenne or Chili Pepper

Drain the water from the can, heat corn in microwave bowl, add scoops of mayonnaise and mix to where the corn is lightly-moderately saturated in it. Make sure there's very little to no water in the bowl before hand. Add grated parmesan and mix so there's enough to see throughout. Add light to moderate amount of Cayenne Pepper. You may want to just sprinkle it on top or mix it in.

An alternative to a can of corn is to buy corn cobs and cut the corn off the cob with a knife.
>> No. 13304 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 10:44 pm
13304 Two course all potato meal
Works best with small to mid-size potatoes, cooking times may vary depending on what kind of potatoes you have.

- Potatoes
- Salt and Pepper
- Cooking Oil
- Vinegar

Pre-heat your oven to around 180-200C.

Take some potatoes, wash them and then peel them using a knife by shaving off strips roughly 2-5 mm thick. Try and keep the strips relatively even.

Put the kettle on.

Rinse the potato peels to get rid of excess starch, pat them dry, put them in a dry bowl and with salt and pepper. You can add any other dry spice you want. Add a good dollop of cooking oil, then mix some more until the skins are reasonably evenly coated. It's better to use a bit too much oil than a bit too little. Spread them on a baking tray lined with tin foil (without overlapping if possible) then stick them in the oven. While they cook, roughly dice the peeled potatoes and put them in a pot with the boiled water from the kettle and 3-4 table spoons of vinegar. They need to boil for ~20 minutes, the vinegar prevents the potato from falling apart during boiling.

After 20 minutes, the potato skins should be cooked and slightly crispy, but check on them after 10 and 15 minutes to make sure they don't burn. Remove them from the tray (don't remove the tin foil), drain the boiled potato chunks thoroughly, let them steam off in the pot until they are reaonably dry then add them to the same bowl used for the potato skins. Add more salt, pepper and oil to coat the diced potato, put them on the baking tray and return it to the oven.

While snacking on the potato skins, check in on the diced potato after 15, 20 and 25 minutes. Once they are as crispy as you want them to be your main course is ready.
>> No. 13322 Anonymous
24th May 2020
Sunday 2:07 pm
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I've been making tea in the saucepan lately and I find it tastes better, kind of softer.

Here's my method:

Put the cold water and teabag into the saucepan
Put on a high heat
When it's come up to boil it's done
Pour into a cup and add milk and sugar to taste
>> No. 13420 Anonymous
13th June 2020
Saturday 1:17 am
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Why not try the AMERICAN way?
>> No. 13567 Anonymous
25th July 2020
Saturday 2:20 pm
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Suttsteve is the only Seppo authority on making tea.

>> No. 13804 Anonymous
16th September 2020
Wednesday 1:23 am
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>> No. 13895 Anonymous
19th October 2020
Monday 7:17 pm
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I think I have the sauerkraut method down now. Start by making your own sauerkraut from scratch. Or don't, honestly it tastes the same as the jars and they slice it thinner. It'll save you money at the expensive of time/effort but that's about it. You're not eating it raw so I'm guessing the probiotic benefits are neglible.

Sauerkraut comes in 900g jars, I tend to make two at once so if you're doing less, use half the ingredients of everything else:

1800g Sauerkraut
2kg polish meat They sometimes sell a pre-mix of meat made from last week's end cuts at the sklep so get that if you can because it's much, much cheaper. If not, get one big sausage, one fatty ham and one of whatever you prefer with a combined weight of 2kg.
Half an onion
Allspice berries/powder (a small fistful of berries or enough powder to lightly cover an area about the size of a saucer)
Wholegrain mustard One heaped tablespoon.
Garlic bulb
Cup of apple cider vinegar I'm not sure how much a "cup" is, I measured it out by using one of those glass air-wick candle holders. Call it 4-6 shotglasses. Half a mug?
4 cans of Tyskie You can try other Polish lagers but this is the only one that tastes right to me.

It's very simple, aside from peeling the garlic and slicing the onion and dicing the meat, you're just slow-cooking it all in a big pan. The only two things you may not guess to do are to really wring out the cabbage under the cold tap, not just rinse it or use it as is, and to lightly fry the meat (particularly the sausage) before you add it in. Keep it simmering for 2 hours minimum, preferably more (you want the pork fat to really melt and the cabbage to soften), occasionally top up with lager as the liquid reduces.
Serve fresh or microwaved later with your favourite sort of potato, gherkins and probably vodka or more lager. With potatoes this should be enough to feed six hungry people. This much lasts me at least six meals, without any potato.

If anyone can tell me a good vegan replacement for the pork I'd love to try it.
>> No. 13896 Anonymous
19th October 2020
Monday 9:13 pm
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>> No. 13897 Anonymous
19th October 2020
Monday 9:25 pm
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thinking emoji.png
>I think I have the sauerkraut method down now. Start by making your own sauerkraut from scratch.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 13920 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 4:14 pm
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>> No. 13921 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 6:53 pm
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>22 minutes

Just gimme the recipe.
>> No. 13922 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 6:57 pm
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The recipe isn't in there, not in any usable way.
https://asianinspirations.com.au/recipes/sichuan-spicy-noodles-chongqing-xiaomian/ might be roughly the same thing.
>> No. 13923 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 7:32 pm
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I actually really enjoyed this video, though much of it made me feel sick. I already knew all about the intenstines and stuff but ducks blood FFS!
>> No. 13924 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 8:03 pm
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40 seconds in and he's already pronounced "szechuan" about six different ways.
>> No. 13925 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 9:16 pm
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Doesn't it depend if you're referencing the province, or the food? And I think at one point he was saying sichuan, not sechsezswean which I can't spell, apparently.

I've no idea but he was very try-hard about the language I feel. You always get that with these travel vlog types. Half of the food looked disgusting and he was just showing off. Only that first noodle dish looked genuinely appetising instead of some weird "look how worldly I am, I'll eat intestines that still taste of shit" flex. Prick.
>> No. 13926 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 9:28 pm
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>I've no idea but he was very try-hard about the language I feel

Well, he has lived in China for seven years, so I'm not surprised he speaks the language somewhat.
>> No. 13927 Anonymous
16th November 2020
Monday 2:04 am
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But he speaks it in the same way Hyacinth Bucket speaks french.
>> No. 13971 Anonymous
26th November 2020
Thursday 3:39 pm
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Finely shred and boil a head cabbage, leave to drain.

In a separate pan, fry a large diced onion, 3 large cloves of diced garlic, and 6 rashers of smoked bacon in plenty of butter until the bacon's crispy.

Add 1 teaspoon each of rosemary, thyme and oregano to the bacon and onion, stir well.

Introduce the drained cabbage to the bacon and onion, keep stirring and frying until the cabbage starts to change colour and is well mixed with the other ingredients.

Place in an oven dish, top with a creamy cheese sauce with a hint of dijon mustard (don't mix, just a decent layer), then proceed with how you would make a potato gratin.

You can deglaze the pan with a sweet white wine to add to the cabbage mixture before introducing the sauce and/or swap the trio of herbs for a shredded fennel, which is fried alongside the bacon, onions and garlic at that stage, and 1 tablespoon of tarragon.
>> No. 13992 Anonymous
4th December 2020
Friday 3:54 pm
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Sprout. Halved, the cut side drizzled with olive oil, salt, pepper then roast for ~15 minutes at ~200 degrees. They're cooked through when they start to look a bit overcooked.

Add some garlic and/or chilli flakes if you like but they don't need it.
>> No. 13993 Anonymous
4th December 2020
Friday 3:54 pm
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Sprouts* obviously.
>> No. 14031 Anonymous
5th January 2021
Tuesday 6:46 pm
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- Penne, fistful or two.
- Bacon, three to four slices, cut into strips.
- Mushrooms, four to six depending on size.
- Cornish Brie, cut into chunks, half a wheel.
- Mature cheddar, grated, a fuckload.
- Double cream, splash of.

Cook pasta. Fry up the bacon and mushrooms in some butter. Add cream. Season with pepper. Add brie and allow to melt. Add cheddar and allow to melt. Reduce for a further couple of minutes. Mix in drained penne.

Now, I know this isn't a carbonara, and I won't antagonise cheflad by pretending it is. But it is the most hearty and comforting meal you will ever eat- My question is, what can I call it, other than "fancy euro mac 'n' cheese"?
>> No. 14032 Anonymous
5th January 2021
Tuesday 6:49 pm
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It's sort of an Alfredo with extra bits and different cheese, but that'd probably anger italians too.

Briebonara Alfredbaconshroom would be an accurate name, if a little unrefined.
>> No. 14033 Anonymous
5th January 2021
Tuesday 7:02 pm
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>> No. 14034 Anonymous
6th January 2021
Wednesday 3:25 am
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This is a pulses based dish. Some soaking required. In particular you want green or brown lentils and yellow split peas. Rinse and soak the lot for a couple of hours.

Fry off two onions and some garlic (use garlic powder if you find this fiddly) in a nob of butter (75g). Add fine cut bacon or lardons soon after, let them cook through on medium heat. Add thinly sliced pork belly to give it some browning. Shred a couple of carrots and a golf-ball's worth of celeriac root and add it. Stirr well, still medium heat. Spice to taste, I like some salt, MSG, coriander, chilli flakes and a pinch of turmeric; also polish sausages, any of them, chopped up. Simmer the lentils/peas while doing all this, they'll take an hour or two depending how well you soaked. Roughly drain the pulses and add them to the mix with half a glass of water. If you have extra veggies, you should know how long they take and add them as early as possible.

Let the concoction simmer for another hour, you now have a pea based stew. Enjoy on it's own or with a bit of bread.
>> No. 14042 Anonymous
12th January 2021
Tuesday 5:58 pm
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500ml of 4.2% Guinness "Extra Stout" and 2tbsp "raw" apple cider vinegar in a specimen jar. Air-porous lid.
>> No. 14101 Anonymous
31st January 2021
Sunday 1:30 pm
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The gelatinous skin that formed in the liquid has sunk to the bottom. The pH of the liquid is now 3. This is now "Extra Stout" vinegar.
>> No. 14102 Anonymous
31st January 2021
Sunday 1:32 pm
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30g of mixed "Dried wild & exotic mushrooms" charred by holding over them a gas ring a bit.
>> No. 14103 Anonymous
31st January 2021
Sunday 1:33 pm
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blender goes brrrrrr.jpg

The one added to the other, heavily blended.
>> No. 14104 Anonymous
31st January 2021
Sunday 1:35 pm
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Simmering the mixture to kill off the bacteria that made the vinegar, and maybe the spores too I don't know/care.
>> No. 14105 Anonymous
31st January 2021
Sunday 1:36 pm
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That's cooling right now. Here are the dry ingredients: 250g of black mustard seed, some black pepper, grains of paradise, two teaspoons of salt.
>> No. 14106 Anonymous
31st January 2021
Sunday 4:13 pm
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All mixed together. Interesting flavour. It needs at least 24 hours and preferably 8 days to really soak in and the flavours to meld. May need topping up with stout at some point too.
>> No. 14293 Anonymous
3rd April 2021
Saturday 2:26 am
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>> No. 14294 Anonymous
3rd April 2021
Saturday 12:12 pm
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That does look exactly like the kind of burger I would like to eat today.
>> No. 14377 Anonymous
20th May 2021
Thursday 9:35 am
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tomato jerky.jpg
More Bloody (Mary) Jerky. This stuff is so good, just the most intense spicy tomato flavour.
This was a box of passata from Sainsburies (400g? Maybe?), two large organic tomatoes, a few squirts of tomato purée, smoked garlic salt, half a pack of celery, hot sauce to taste. Can add Worcestershire Sauce in too but it's not really necessary and stops it being vegan. Basically the idea is to make a thickened Virgin Mary, spread that out evenly on baking paper then "cook" that at just under 60 degrees C for 36 hours (or until it gets to the bendy, chewy or flaky consistency you want).

I made this one look a bit fancy by sprinkling dried oregano and tomato seeds on top as garnish.
>> No. 14378 Anonymous
20th May 2021
Thursday 10:14 am
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That looks delicious. Good job. Is that a smoker or dehydrator of some kind?
>> No. 14379 Anonymous
20th May 2021
Thursday 10:23 am
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Entry-level dehydrator but you can get a similar effect in the oven if you're cautious.
>> No. 14380 Anonymous
20th May 2021
Thursday 11:25 am
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Sounds class. Gonna give that a shot. I'm happy to eat vegan but I don't really care if it's not, think it might go great wrapped around some sausage or similar.
>> No. 14381 Anonymous
20th May 2021
Thursday 1:16 pm
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Any amount of liquid is going to make it disintegrate but that would be a good combo. Let us know how you get on.
>> No. 14382 Anonymous
21st May 2021
Friday 8:36 pm
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What can I replace the egg with?
>> No. 14383 Anonymous
21st May 2021
Friday 8:40 pm
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You can grind flax seeds with a bit of water to make a "flax egg" which is the best replacement for a whole egg in baking I had found back when I had to find these sorts of things. That was a long time ago and perhaps they have invented something better, but it does work.
>> No. 14384 Anonymous
21st May 2021
Friday 10:25 pm
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red gazpacho.jpg
Trying a version of the Bloody Jerky that doesn't use any passata, just whole tomatoes. It is far, far too thin a liquid. It's delicious to just drink but not ideal for dehydrating. Next time I'll deseed the tomatoes and just use the flesh.
>> No. 14385 Anonymous
22nd May 2021
Saturday 12:02 am
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I tried to make some sort of Korean beef dish without bothering to look at a recipe. Marinated the thin steak slice strips with gochujang, soy sauce, onion salt, and Maggi liquid seasoning. Thinly sliced radishes, carrot, and spring onion, covered them with plenty of rice wine vinegar and a large amount of shichimi for some spice, and left a few hours to pickle. Steamed white rice, stir fried the beef, served alongside pickled veg. I probably should have used more veg, as I wasn't sure how successful the pickle went, but I can't eat most veg due to pickiness. In a perfect world I would have used a side of kimchi, but gf doesn't like it so had to do without.
>> No. 14386 Anonymous
22nd May 2021
Saturday 8:53 am
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Sounds like an interesting mess. How was it?
I don't understand why you can't eat kimchi if she isn't. On months I can afford it, I just keep a tupperware box full of it in the fridge and have some with a meal or as a snack whenever.
>> No. 14387 Anonymous
22nd May 2021
Saturday 1:01 pm
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It was alright. I think gochujang is my favourite thing to use in cooking, so anything with shitloads of it in is right up my street. Beef was a bit chewy but I'm not used to cooking beef so may have overdone it. Pickled veg was quite fresh tasting, would have swapped the spring onion out for daikon if the supermarket hadn't run out. On a tangent, all my local supermarkets have stopped selling the thin spring onions, now it's all big bulbous ones which I don't like the texture of. Another change I would make, I think it would have been elevated with a fried egg on top like a shit version of bibimbap. Gf found it too spicy so probably a meal I'll save for eating alone.
>> No. 14388 Anonymous
22nd May 2021
Saturday 1:03 pm
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There's only two ways to cook beef in my experience. Really quickly or really slowly. Your recipe sounds good, I might try it.
>> No. 14459 Anonymous
6th June 2021
Sunday 6:10 pm
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Does anyone have a beef ragu recipe they'd recommend?
>> No. 14465 Anonymous
11th June 2021
Friday 12:38 pm
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I made it anyway using a mixture of internet recipes.

So 1kg beef cheeks, 400g sausage meat and 200g of smoked bacon.

Start a bottle of spiced cab sav simmering to reduce it from 75 to 50 CL. At some point, throw a sprig of rosemary in there.

Good squirt of olive oil in the biggest frying pan. Cut the bacon into pancetta pieces, fried it then the sausage meat to a crisp brown. Put them aside, diced then fried a handful each of carrot, celery and onion in the fat.

Put everything cooked so far in the wine, plus some bay leaves roughly torn in half, two spoonfuls of tomato pureé, a tin of peeled plum tomatoes and a literal mug full of beef stock.

Rolled the beef cheeks in flour, then fried them in the remaining grease.

Everything goes in the slow cooker on low for 6-8 hours. The butcher said the cheeks would need about 40 hours but he was wrong.

Add soy sauce, some fish sauce (or an anchovy) to taste, plus a pack of double cream and a few ladles full of starch water from the pasta. Oh and a handful of parmesan. Stir in well.

The cost of the ingredients (especially the meat, from a proper British-sourcing butcher) was steep but 1) The Italian I fed it to was impressed with the taste and 2) It made enough for me to eat it almost every meal this entire week.
>> No. 14466 Anonymous
11th June 2021
Friday 12:49 pm
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Sorry I forgot: I also put three large garlic bulbs in there, roughly crushed.
>> No. 14526 Anonymous
12th July 2021
Monday 6:58 pm
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>> No. 14527 Anonymous
13th July 2021
Tuesday 3:13 am
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I hope he tries that again and burns his house down.

He survives, but the rest of his family gets incinerated. He can't cope with the shame of having done something so stupid, so he slowly drinks himself to death, shambling around the streets of Stockton bellowing "fuckin' toaster steak, aye?" at no-one in particular.
>> No. 14804 Anonymous
30th November 2021
Tuesday 12:41 pm
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>> No. 14805 Anonymous
30th November 2021
Tuesday 12:57 pm
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The cheese is not even melted. This is so rubbish.
>> No. 14806 Anonymous
30th November 2021
Tuesday 1:15 pm
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This is a fucking travesty. He's managed to phone that in more than Marco doing the Knorr ads.
>> No. 14807 Anonymous
30th November 2021
Tuesday 4:07 pm
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There's something very unconvincing about that performance.
>> No. 14810 Anonymous
30th November 2021
Tuesday 11:37 pm
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I know he gets told when filming these that he has to do it in a certain way to appease whoever is paying for it, but fuck me. That is the worst grilled cheese sandwich I have ever seen. Too thick, bread burned, fucking kimchi? Mate, that's not a grilled cheese is it's a cheese melt.

Speaking of melts, Gordon has gone of the deep end.
>> No. 14825 Anonymous
2nd December 2021
Thursday 7:56 pm
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>> No. 14981 Anonymous
8th February 2022
Tuesday 2:26 am
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What you've actually invented is an undercooked pancake.
>> No. 14984 Anonymous
8th February 2022
Tuesday 10:18 am
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Take out the sugar and you could use it with some kind of layered pasta dish too.
>> No. 15031 Anonymous
25th February 2022
Friday 4:06 pm
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>> No. 15045 Anonymous
19th March 2022
Saturday 11:02 am
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Bodged Saag Paneer from Sainsburies ingredients:

All quantities just rough estimates:
450g paneer (diced)
3-6 cloves of garlic
a good chunk of ginger
500g spinach
20g "birds eye" chillies (use different or adjust quantity to taste. 20g is quite a lot)
TRS "Asia's finest foods All purpose" seasoning (internationally available).
300ml "double" cream (just thick cream)
Vegetable oil

One big pan, like a wok.

Wash the spinach then put to one side.

Blend the garlic, ginger, chillies & a shot-glass of water to a paste. Put that aside in a cup for easy access.

Fry the diced paneer in a decent quantity of oil, stirring occasionally until golden brown on most sides.

Put the paneer on a plate, liberally season with the TRS stuff, quickly before the oil is absorbed into the cheese. (The seasoning has all the salt in it that you're going to add to flavour everything).

Put the blended stuff into the wok oil (beware hot oil spitting) and stir for a minute.

When that starts to go a deeper green, put in the spinach*, a handful at a time, stirring to mix well with the blend.

Let the spinach cook for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally so it doesn't stick/burn. Add water or put a lid over it if it starts to get too dry**.

Stir in the cream & paneer, cook it on a low heat for another 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Put a lid on if the liquid gets too low/thick.

That's it.

*If you want the sauce to be completely green, put aside about 1/5 of the spinach and stick it in the blender with the cream before you add that to the pan later. If you want a green/cream/yellow contrast, don't.

**Put the rice on to boil. Rinse white rice at least 3 times before cooking. 1 cup of rice and 3 cups of water is two portions. Bring it to boil, then down to simmer, keep the lid off and when the water stops bubbling through the holes, it's about done.
To make your rice look fancy on a plate, put it into a small bowl then up-end it carefully so it keeps the shape of the bowl. Garnish with something green.
>> No. 15046 Anonymous
19th March 2022
Saturday 12:49 pm
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If you can't get paneer and live in a good sized city you can often find cans of "Cottage cheese" in foot tall cans. It works just as well.
>> No. 15047 Anonymous
19th March 2022
Saturday 12:54 pm
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Only those big city boys can get those hard to find ingredients like "cottage cheese".

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