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>> No. 28571 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:05 am
28571 Minor Rants and Piss-Offs, Mark VIII
It appears largethreadmodlad has also locked the previous iteration of this thread; Mark VIII it is, then.

I take perfect care of my nails. I don't bite them, I cut in the standard flat formation every 3-5 days, and scrub under them in the shower. So why the actual fuck are my cuticles bleeding? Putting the plaster over to catch the blood means I can't play my bass properly, and that pisses me off.
680 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 29395 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 12:17 am
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>It's like they were not just curious, but they're offended by it.

People really, really don't fucking like it when you try to look after yourself when they don't, or try to eat in a way that they can't/won't. Try telling your average office you're going vegan, they treat it as a personal attack.

I don't really understand why, other than that they want to be healthier too but can't be arsed, and so just get angry when someone else appears to manage it. When I lost loads of weight back in the day, many people were fucking livid. Telling me that I looked ill or that I'm going to die or that I've done serious damage to myself, seeming not considering that being morbidly obese was probably a slight bit more damaging.

Slight tangent put people are weird with food choices.
>> No. 29396 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 1:43 am
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Misery loves company.

I'm a teetotaller and some people get really fucking angry that I won't have a proper drink. I've seen moderate drinkers who stop after one or two get just as much stick. It's usually quite obvious that the angry twat is an alcoholic, they can't admit it and they just want the justification that everyone else is at it. Seeing someone who can go out for the evening without getting shitfaced makes them feel weak, so they direct their negative feelings outwards to avoid confronting their own powerlessness. They're not an alkie, you're a boring bastard who doesn't know how to have fun, you're just doing it to make everyone else feel bad, you're just a stuck-up self righteous cunt.
>> No. 29397 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 1:48 am
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I know how you feel lads. I don't like curry, but bloody hell you should hear the reaction when work is planning a night out to an Indian and I say I won't bother, you'd think I'd just shot someone's kid.


Nobody seems able to comprehend that I'm perfectly capable of eating spicy food, and indeed enjoy it a great deal, but that I just don't like bloody curry. I think it's either the cumin or turmeric.
>> No. 29398 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 5:08 am
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Whole lot of people with really strongly held, complex opinions on prince ginger and miss murgle and how they've betrayed the royal family or something. What century is this?
>> No. 29399 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 5:18 am
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>> No. 29400 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 8:15 am
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What do you mean you don't like curry? Well have you tried one without cumin or turmeric?
>> No. 29401 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 8:22 am
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>>29392 Try telling your average office you're going vegan

How about not?
>> No. 29402 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 8:54 am
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Evidently people get a weird hard on for the institution of the monarchy. I don't understand it, and there is a good deal of projection, but then there are people who professionally read into what it means that a flower is in a particular place and what colour it is on the queens hat which is a level of over analysis usually only reserved for reading holy books.

I never thought about it as a cult before now, but I guess it is, I mean historically and in other cultures the tie has been more obvious the link between religion and royals, but it is weird when royal topics come up in the modern media because there really are people who think the royals are somehow fundamentally different and better than the rest of us, and a lot of them.
>> No. 29403 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 9:32 am
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Entirely serious.

Very true lads, is this a UK thing or does this happen in other places too?

I note everything, both about gym (ohhh you're fine as you are you don't need to improve, never improve), about drinking (just have a beer mate, just spend all your money and feel like absolute shite the next day, go on do it), and things like Huel (Just eat shitty meal deals like us and eat loads of chocolate!!).

It's interesting and depressing simultaneously. I can take the Huel one because I have suddenly started drinking space food to them and their only comparator is slimming drinks, but the drinking alcohol one annoys the living shit out of me.

It's like they can't cope with the fact you won't be spending the next day feeling dire so they have to try and make you suffer too.
>> No. 29404 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 3:35 pm
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I guess that lad that's always on about the bucket of crabs was right.
>> No. 29405 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 4:44 pm
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It’s a chilling allegory. Crabs could all escape the bucket if they worked together, first time I ever seen it referenced was in a Pratchett book during a scene in the Ankh-Morpork fish market where the city was described as such by one of the characters and it immediately made me think of the council estate I grew up in and I decided to move away 6 months later; accusations of getting ideas above my station be damned.
>> No. 29406 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 6:02 pm
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>it immediately made me think of the council estate I grew up in and I decided to move away 6 months later; accusations of getting ideas above my station be damned.

Sounds like something a Tory would do.
>> No. 29407 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 6:18 pm
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>Very true lads, is this a UK thing or does this happen in other places too?
I have a feeling that it happens a bit everywhere but it is a big British thing.
I've been round companies in Europe, there is definitely a culture of self-improvement that we don't have. Like people talk proudly about cycling to work, or about going hiking at the weekends. Here outside of London and some gentrified places, cycling means you're poor or just barmy. Many companies in Europe are much more proactive in getting their employees to do more training and personal development than we are. (1/2 day go-karting and pen that down as the team-building exercise done for the year)

Last christmas party I walked 5 miles home from the train station, and told everyone I got a taxi because last year I got the piss taken out of me for the same thing. Meanwhile my colleagues are sitting in traffic for an hour every day, then doing 10 minutes on the treadmill at the gym and calling themselves active.
>> No. 29408 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 6:46 pm
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Maybe you lads have just worked in weird places. I've worked in Hull, Leeds and Wakefield and it's been quite common for people to do things like cycling for pleasure without having the piss taken out of them. Quite a lot of the office I'm working at now tried Burger King's vegan whopper the other day and there were no funny comments again, either.

All I can think of is that you're either Southern or work with a lot of middle aged women.
>> No. 29409 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 7:00 pm
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Your very specific story is so similar to many of mine where I find myself being mocked for stuff that isn't actually that bad, but frowned upon because others feel threatened by it.

I really hate people like that.
>> No. 29410 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 7:19 pm
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I'm all for laughing at you for drinking "Human Fuel", but I'm also totally on board for the ire aimed at fat sods who constantly have a Twix hanging out of their mouths making out like they're dietitians. It's strange how making little changes that only effect yourself get looked at under a microscope by some people and extrapolated into major personality traits, even though all you wanted to do was try a new haircut or lose a couple of stone. You drink your Huel. I was going to dismissively call it Soylent Green at the end there, but then I remembered that the OG company for all of this stuff is named Soylent. Irony, one of the 2010's greatest casualities.

It's not universal, and I know plenty of people who aren't like this, but are still working class. However, for far too many people they still have this secondary school-esque attitude to change and difference that I just don't understand. In fact I wouldn't even say it's a class thing at all thinking about it, it's a mentality you can probably find anywhere; the variable is what it is that's perceived as too unorthodox. It's an insecurity, in my opinion.
>> No. 29411 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 8:29 pm
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The truth is the majority of people just never grow up. Mostly we're all just bigger, hairier teenagers.

There's a couple of people at my work place in their 40s who knew each other in their school days. Decades separate them from that time, but I always sense that the banter they give each other in the corridor walking past is much the same as it was on the school bus in 1986.
>> No. 29418 Anonymous
13th January 2020
Monday 9:28 pm
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I assumed the independent opticians located next to the grim looking tech shop in town would be just another opticians, but when I got in the there I noticed it had the decor of an expensive hotel bathroom and every pair of glasses cost at least £140.
>> No. 29419 Anonymous
13th January 2020
Monday 9:53 pm
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Sometimes I talk to folk about films and it's seemingly all perfectly normal, then someone starts saying what a great director Zac Snyder is and it's like the pillars of reality are shifting around me.
>> No. 29420 Anonymous
13th January 2020
Monday 10:47 pm
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Tapas can fuck right off if you ask me. You're essentially dealing with overpriced nibbles to be eaten in one of those godawful London restaurants where you sit back to back and side to side with strangers.

It's the fruity cocktails of food, something you end up having because your bird likes the idea.
>> No. 29421 Anonymous
13th January 2020
Monday 11:32 pm
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And then you end up getting far too pissed because you haven't had a proper dinner.
>> No. 29422 Anonymous
13th January 2020
Monday 11:34 pm
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Stops you from having tapas twice though, no proper dinner means proper drunk means telling each of her mates exactly what you think of them. You're never going out for tapas with them again.
>> No. 29423 Anonymous
14th January 2020
Tuesday 7:38 am
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I'm really fed up of reading about the Royal family at the minute. It's ubiquitous.

I once went on a work's night out where we went for tapas. I ate politely until everyone else had finished but they left loads so I fucking gorged on it. Got to love going out with women too concerned about how much they eat and not looking like a pig.
>> No. 29424 Anonymous
14th January 2020
Tuesday 7:55 am
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>It's ubiquitous.
Oh fuck. I've forgotten the meme. I guess it was just me keeping it alive for some years, but we used to purposely conflate that word and another. I think it had its root in some online spelling game or something. Is the memory now completely dead?

I trust that the loss will be solemnly mourned.
>> No. 29425 Anonymous
14th January 2020
Tuesday 8:33 am
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It was ubiquitous vs obligatory. I don't remember which way around it was, but I remember that someone had a teary at me calling the weekend thread one of the two, and everyone else decided I had used the correct one. At least I think it was me. I'm pretty sure. We were amused by such simple things, weren't we?
>> No. 29426 Anonymous
14th January 2020
Tuesday 9:08 am
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Sounds baffling.
>> No. 29431 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 10:41 am
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Taint in reference to the arsehole. Common lad, stop that.
>> No. 29432 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 1:59 pm
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I thought the taint was the gooch? Am I mistaken?
>> No. 29433 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 3:07 pm
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It's the gooch.
>> No. 29434 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 4:42 pm
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'Taint the arse, and 'taint the other bit.
>> No. 29436 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 6:33 pm
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Google seems to confirm this but it also defines taint as "a trace of a bad or undesirable substance or quality", which would suggest shit from an arsehole. Besides, you hear it in American cultures (or is it catholic?) within references to sex and shame, which i recokon fits better with arse than it does gooch.
Although, thinking about it, perhaps the 'trace of an undesirable substance' is follow through or drippings from a poorly wiped arse upon the gooch.

Who knows?
>> No. 29437 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 6:48 pm
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>Who knows?
The two of us who have correctly identified it as the perineum, obviously.
>> No. 29438 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 7:37 pm
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I thought taint meant perineum. What the hell is a gooch?
>> No. 29439 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 7:37 pm
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Different etymology. It ain't the balls and it ain't the ass.
>> No. 29440 Anonymous
15th January 2020
Wednesday 8:04 pm
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Yet another name for the perineum.
>> No. 29441 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 12:35 pm
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We've just been told that nobody can wrote the date with an abbreviated year because if you just wrote 16/01/20 someone could make it 16/01/2018 etc to forge a backdated document. The logic is sound and there is a very slim chance someone could do something very bad, though it's perfectly valid to correct this paperwork by crossing stuff out and signing it anyway, so a bit of a scribble is all that's required regardless of the year.

Anyway, there's about 500 documents that need a 20 written on the end of their dates now.
>> No. 29442 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 12:47 pm
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We had an email at work a couple of weeks ago saying we must always date things 2020 this year.
>> No. 29443 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 3:32 pm
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I've been training a machine learning algorithm to de-pixelate the genitals in Japanese porn. The algorithm works surprisingly well, but it gets very confused by transsexuals and keeps giving them vaginas. Is the algorithm more woke than me? I am confused.
>> No. 29444 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 3:50 pm
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Could you post some examples on /x/?
>> No. 29445 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 5:00 pm
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Another fine use of ML.
>> No. 29446 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 5:17 pm
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To your average layman, how does one do this? Do you feed it pictures of pixelated and non-pixelated genitals? Do you submit as many pictures of cock and vagina as you can find into it so it can unpixelate them?

Very interested how you get the machine to accurately predict what the cock behind it might look like.
>> No. 29447 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 7:07 pm
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Honestly this is the best use of ML since sticking celebrities faces on porn stars. I eagerly await reading your research paper.
>> No. 29448 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 7:22 pm
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>Do you feed it pictures of pixelated and non-pixelated genitals?

Pretty much. There's a bit more to it obviously, but the computer is doing the heavy lifting. This video series is a superb introduction to the basics of machine learning and requires no mathematical background.

The interesting bit in my current project is the use of transfer learning. Normally, we'd start off with a completely randomised network that spits out completely random data and slowly evolve it by giving it feedback on how close it is to our desired output. My neural network borrows from (and is partly trained by) existing networks that are very well trained on general-purpose image tasks.

The network that identifies the pixelated regions in the image started out as a face-recognition network. That network is already very well trained to identify specific regions within an image, so I just trained it on a bunch of crops of pixelated cocks and fannies. With just a few hundred training images and a few hours of training time, it was giving better than 99% accuracy - training an equivalent network from scratch would require vastly more data and processing power.

The network that tries to reconstruct the blurred bits is a bit more complicated, but it's based on two networks - one that was trained to upsample low-resolution video and another that was trained to fill in missing sections of an image. Each network in isolation would do a pretty crappy job (the resolution is too low for the upsampling network and the "missing" section is too big for the infill painting network), so I pit the two against each other to train a third network, which learns from the best results of both.


Not yet, but if all goes to plan there'll be a public beta within the next few weeks. The copyright situation surrounding ML models trained on copyrighted material is complicated and Japanese censorship laws are weird, so I need to be a bit careful at this stage to avoid tainting the legal status of the codebase. There's an existing model called JavPlayer that's in public circulation, but it's a crude bodge job and the output is riddled with artifacts; you can see some samples from it at the link below.

>> No. 29449 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 8:22 pm
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Fucking landlords. Quarterly inspection, not a moment in and they're already commenting "Oh you've had a change around". No shit, how'd you like it if i requested access and become familiar with your home? Damn it i hate when people come into my home.
>> No. 29450 Anonymous
16th January 2020
Thursday 11:43 pm
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That's a bit shit. Quarterly is excessive; annual is normal.
>> No. 29463 Anonymous
25th January 2020
Saturday 5:30 am
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>A two Michelin-starred chef who has been in the UK for 23 years says he now feels “unwelcome” after his application to remain in the country after Brexit was refused. French-born Claude Bosi, 47, who runs Bibendum restaurant in London, said the system was “inhuman” and made him feel like leaving the country.

>He received a letter from the Home Office saying his application was refused after mistakenly seeking permanent residency and not the special route open to EU citizens only – the EU settlement scheme.


It's been almost four years and the Graun's continual stream of "person denied residency after not filling in the application forms correctly" articles is really wearing thin.
>> No. 29465 Anonymous
25th January 2020
Saturday 12:26 pm
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Even still, why was he refused permanent residency? As I understand it you qualify for that after 5 years.

Immigration stories make me angry and bitter about the really fit Yank bird I was destined to be with as a teenlad, but had to let go because the feasibility of us ever making it through the hoops of either country's immigration laws seemed too remote. The world really is a cold uncaring place and sometimes you just have to accept that you get the shit end of the stick.
>> No. 29466 Anonymous
25th January 2020
Saturday 12:46 pm
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The Home Office said he didn't actually supply the evidence to prove he met the criteria. I think I read somewhere that his work means he's spent a fair bit of time out of the country.
>> No. 29467 Anonymous
25th January 2020
Saturday 10:08 pm
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He didn't supply his 5 year history of P5s.

Home office bureaucracy is a complete farce though.
This guy went there in person, he discussed his application with staff, paid fees, waited a very long time, and then got told his application wasn't good enough.
And what's more for a simple omission that should be able to be solved quickly, the application is scrapped entirely and you have to start over again from the very beginning.
There's similar stories from people who employ specialist lawyers to assist with applications to the home office and still get caught out.
>> No. 29468 Anonymous
26th January 2020
Sunday 1:19 am
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>Home office bureaucracy is a complete farce though.

It's a legacy of Theresa May's "hostile environment" policy. The Home Office developed a culture of trying to catch people out, because they were under pressure to reduce net migration despite a lack of policy changes that actually reduced the number of people who would be eligible to live and work in the UK.

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