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>> No. 28571 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:05 am
28571 Minor Rants and Piss-Offs, Mark VIII
It appears largethreadmodlad has also locked the previous iteration of this thread; Mark VIII it is, then.

I take perfect care of my nails. I don't bite them, I cut in the standard flat formation every 3-5 days, and scrub under them in the shower. So why the actual fuck are my cuticles bleeding? Putting the plaster over to catch the blood means I can't play my bass properly, and that pisses me off.
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>> No. 33137 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 4:50 pm
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Why in Hell are Chelsea wearing yellow? Maybe it's more accommodating for people with colour blindness, but if I find out that's not the reason... I'm going to stay slightly irritated about it.
>> No. 33138 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 5:01 pm
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The papers are saying superstition - they've had a lot of success in the cup wearing yellow. Colour blindness probably isn't a factor, because nearly all colour blind people can still distinguish red and blue.
>> No. 33139 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 5:18 pm
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There's no Chelsea players in EA's team of the season because of the invasion and them being owned by Abramovic.
>> No. 33140 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 6:22 pm
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Does Son get dog eating chants directed at him like Park did?
>> No. 33141 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 6:28 pm
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That's reasonable enough then. They get a pass this one time.

Is that true? I have my doubts, if only because assuming you have to remove one of those players, which Chelsea player would take their place?
>> No. 33142 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 6:56 pm
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People were given the option to vote from a choice of 40 players for the 15 making up the team of the season. Not a single Chelsea player was amongst that 40.


On the official Premier League site there's the option to vote for your player of the season. Jarrod Bowen and James Ward-Prowse are there, but not Mason Mount.

>> No. 33143 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 7:37 pm
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Well that worked out well for them, didn't it?
>> No. 33144 Anonymous
14th May 2022
Saturday 7:45 pm
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Oh, okay. The manner in which you're telling me is making me think you want me to care. I don't mean that in an arsey way, I just don't quite get what you want me to do with this info. Always more of a career mode boy.
>> No. 33185 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 11:10 am
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Why, whenever you make a mistake speaking forrin to a forriner, do they seem so completely offended and quickly try to correct what you're saying, pronunciation included; yet when they speak English with whatever fucking weird syntax and garbled consonants, we don't do the same?
>> No. 33186 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 11:20 am
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They're not used to people butchering their language, I suppose. Spoiled pricks.
>> No. 33187 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 11:56 am
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Rory Sutherland has an excellent anecdote about a friend of his who learned Estonian. He was expecting people to be impressed because no-one bothers to learn Estonian, but they just assumed that he was a very stupid Estonian.

English is the global lingua franca, so most English speakers are very used to hearing broken English. If a German and an Italian are in a business meeting, they'll probably speak English and probably speak it in a slightly wonky fashion. Speaking English is high status in most cultures, because it's the language of international trade and culture. Conversely, speaking broken Dutch or Swedish or Greek is low status, because most people who do it are low-wage migrant workers or refugees.
>> No. 33188 Anonymous
20th May 2022
Friday 8:43 pm
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HIGNFY can fuck off. Same goes for most, if not all, political comedy even. It has this veneer of being critical of power but the heart of it is just a sort of catharsis, a reassurance to the viewer that other people agree with them, then they go back to doing nothing to affect positive change. Ho ho ho the queen's hat and people starving isn't that a funny contrast, I can't wait to hear what they say next week.
>> No. 33189 Anonymous
20th May 2022
Friday 9:43 pm
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You don't think James May and Jess Phillips are pushing against the boundaries of acceptable political speech with their rapier sharp political satire? No? Oh, well, how about this viral video you saw on the internet four days ago?
>> No. 33190 Anonymous
20th May 2022
Friday 11:15 pm
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I, for one, do not even own a NFY.
>> No. 33191 Anonymous
21st May 2022
Saturday 12:48 am
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If you really want to be furious, there's always Question Time. I like Have I Got News For You and I will forgive a lot from it, but Question Time has something dreadful about it that I really couldn't put my finger on. I think I've figured it out now: the topics themselves that are always discussed are so tightly controlled. What does our market research say people care about this week? Oh, it has to be the cost-of-living crisis. Tonight on Question Time, don't even fucking think about challenging politicians on house prices, the environment, biased media coverage, baby boomers or the Northern Ireland Protocol; you will ask about the cost of living and you will like it. It's downright sinister.

Besides, tonight's HIGNFY was presented by someone other than the regular six or seven guest presenters who do every episode; Miles Jupp hosted it and that means Alexander Armstrong stayed the fuck at home for once.
>> No. 33192 Anonymous
21st May 2022
Saturday 2:33 pm
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This makes me think how interesting a disorganised question time would be. Imagine politicians locked in a room with a baying mob for an hour. The only mediation on the part of the BBC being to ensure that nobody physically hurts one another and perhaps to beep the swears for comic effect, or throw in some hot button issues and voting records if the show's looking boring.
(Though maybe I just like the idea because the underlying dynamics of such a show would reflect my perception that across ideological boundaries MPs feel more solidarity with one another than with their electors.)
>> No. 33193 Anonymous
21st May 2022
Saturday 2:51 pm
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IT Crowd Profanity buzzer.jpg
>perhaps to beep the swears for comic effect
>> No. 33194 Anonymous
21st May 2022
Saturday 3:19 pm
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Where is Danny Wallace these days?
>> No. 33195 Anonymous
21st May 2022
Saturday 4:12 pm
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The only things I've seen him in in recent years has been the Assassin's Creed games, where he's a smug unfunny cunt, and also commentating on the World's Strongest Man tournament, where he's a smug unfunny cunt.
>> No. 33196 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 8:03 am
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On the radio
>> No. 33197 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 10:51 am
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I just spent an hour trying to find out why my PC had decided to constantly select upwards on certain Windows 10 menus. If you want know what that means, right click a programme on your taskbar and hold the up arrow on your keyboard. That was not the issue, do not tell me to unplug my USB devices, I will come to your house. I was booting in safe mode, trying different mice and keyboards, turning on and off certain programmes that launch on start-up, looking for malware; none of it worked a bit. Then I walked off for five minutes, made a coffee, come back and it's stopped. Just fucking stopped. Maybe it's going to come back, maybe I'll have to reinstall the whole damned system just to weed this stupid, tiny, problem out, but, for now, it's gone and I'm as pissed off as I was an hour ago.
>> No. 33198 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 12:29 pm
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I, for one, don't own a Windows 10.
>> No. 33199 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 12:44 pm
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Linux users are the craft ale bores of computing. Apple users are either hipsters or women.
>> No. 33200 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 1:50 pm
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I had this same issue using DS4Win with a Switch Pro controller, all acting like I was holding Up-Right on the joystick. I'd have to repeatedly stop and start the program / controller until it behaved properly, or do something close to what you did, i.e. touch NOTHING and wait a minute. Something in the most recent Windows Update sorted it out, though.
>> No. 33201 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 8:06 pm
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I think DS4Win might have been the problem, yeah. I closed it at one point and it didn't have an effect, but preventing it from starting on start-up has stopped any silly business. I swear that programme was perfect two years ago, but it kept getting updates anyway.
>> No. 33202 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 9:14 pm
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You guys are so fucking petty it's unbelieveabe. Do you want people to use these boards or not?
>> No. 33203 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 9:16 pm
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People, not Americans.
>> No. 33204 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 9:34 pm
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No, go away.
>> No. 33205 Anonymous
22nd May 2022
Sunday 9:56 pm
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I did a load of sniffing at the weekend and now my nostril is clogged, a bit sore and I'm incredibly tired. Quite parched as well.

If supermarkets weren't shut early on Sunday I'd have a chocolate éclair right now.
>> No. 33206 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 7:23 pm
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Obviously I can’t ask my mum this to her face so I have to do so here: what kind of moron buys a clock in 2022? It’s ticking and tocking and it even sodding chimes. It’s an annoying noise box, you can’t even post on .gs from it.
>> No. 33207 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 8:25 pm
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I actually thought it was an amusing and mildly thought-provoking image, but "REACT TO THIS, MY PUPPETS" does my head in.
>> No. 33208 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 8:29 pm
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Mums. Mine has a cuckoo clock that looks like a log cabin and plays Edelweiss on the hour. It cost more than my massive telly.
>> No. 33209 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 8:42 pm
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My Gran had an RSPB bird themed clock in her kitchen that would chime with random bird noises every hour, you'd be making a cup of tea and suddenly you'd hear the digitised screeching of a blue tit out of nowhere, it would always scare me shitless.
>> No. 33210 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 9:00 pm
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I know what I'm getting you in this year's gs Secret Santa.

>> No. 33211 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 10:59 pm
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hah, I have that clock, rescued it off a bonfire. I've not bothered setting the chime right, so 8 o'clock is death-owl o'clock. Strangely, that clip didn't play the barn owl, https://youtu.be/5Ywq8luxcnE?t=63
>> No. 33212 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 12:47 pm
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>The nation is being encouraged to sing Neil Diamond's soft rock classic Sweet Caroline to celebrate the Queen's Platinum Jubilee next month.

>The song was chosen by listeners of Zoe Ball's Radio 2 Breakfast Show as an "uplifting, happy" melody everyone can sing at street parties on 5 June.

>Announcing the campaign, Ball described the 53-year-old hit as "a song of togetherness".

>It is hoped that 10 million people will join the singalong.

Fuck off with this shit. I don't want to sing to the queen, I don't want to clap for our NHS heroes, leave me alone.
>> No. 33213 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 12:48 pm
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I think various groups are planning to protest the Jubilee, that might be more up your street.
>> No. 33214 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 12:50 pm
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All I ever wanted out of this jubilee was a decent number of bank holidays and we're not even getting that. The Spring Bank Holiday is moving to the other end of the week and we're getting one extra day on top of that.

Fucking cheapskates.
>> No. 33215 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 2:56 pm
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>street parties

Who the fuck will be having a street party. If there's one thing I hate it's the invocation of a quaint, community oriented Britain that pulls together through thick and thin, blitz spirit and all that.

It just doesn't exist, it's a nice comforting fairytale middle class and above people tell themselves about what it's like to live in a row of shite 1930s terraced houses in Harehills, attempting to lionise the working class while they continue to shit on us from great heights.

It annoys me that some people actually WILL have street parties, because it gives them the satisfaction, doesn't it. Imagine the BBC reporters who'll be stalking poor neighbourhoods trying to interview some salt of the earth peasants about celebrating the Queen.

I don't even hate the Queen or the royal family, I'm completely agnostic on the matter of monarchy. I don't give a shit either way. But this shit is annoying. It's not the 1950s. It's not that episode of Doctor Who with the tellies that suck your face off. Bollocks.
>> No. 33216 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 3:06 pm
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My area had a street party for the Diamond Jubilee and it was nice - lots of cake and bunting and a chance to catch up with the neighbours. So the Britain you describe does exist, albeit not as ubiquitously as the powers that be should probably like. But I think there was in general more of a celebratory atmosphere back in 2012 due to the Olympics.
>> No. 33217 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 3:24 pm
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I remember there being a street party on my estate for the Golden Jubilee. As I was 9 I probably thought it was good fun having sweets and sausage rolls and all that guff. Now the thought of there being a party on my street fills me with dread.

I think the main advantage of living in an area with lots of student HMOs is that there isn't a sense of community, so we're spared clapping on the door step or entertaining trick or treaters.
>> No. 33218 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 4:01 pm
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We have street parties around my way, but they usually get broken up by the police.
>> No. 33219 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 4:30 pm
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I might go out looking for a street party and join it. My street won't have one because the houses are all flats with mindbroken zoomers and immigrants now, but most of our landlords live nearby. Let's see if they ask me to leave if I don't live on their street, or if they even notice they've never seen me before.
>> No. 33220 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 4:55 pm
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Dinner prepped, oven on, quick shower, check on dinner; left it on the side still marinating.
>> No. 33221 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 6:23 pm
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I'm trying to be patient because I was a noisy child growing up but the kid next door is really starting to get on my tits. Every time I get off work and want to have a sit down to relax from my awful adult life I have him shouting nonsense out his window at irregular intervals or barking.

It's going to be a long summer.
>> No. 33222 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 6:50 pm
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That sounds horrible. Have you tried hitting him?
>> No. 33223 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 7:13 pm
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I'm trying to make a change to let a child have fun without some 'orrible adult shouting at him at every turn. If he wants to make noises after a hard day at school then fair enough, at least he's not one of those prats revving a motorcycle.

But the rage will eventually boil over and I'll throttle the life out of the little cunt.
>> No. 33224 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 7:32 pm
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The kid across the street from me is properly feral. At the weekend he was lifting up the manhole cover on his neighbour's driveway and throwing things down there. He was also throwing footballs repeatedly at his house while his mum was out, he'd just been dumped on the street, and they kept hitting cars when they bounced back. I'm surprised he didn't get a bollocking, but you can always hear his mum screaming at him.
>> No. 33225 Anonymous
24th May 2022
Tuesday 11:02 pm
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That sounds horrible. Have you tried moving from Povvo Street?
>> No. 33227 Anonymous
25th May 2022
Wednesday 7:05 pm
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I don't have Adblock on my work computer. I am listening to a song that's around ten minutes long (Finished Symphony by Hybrid) on YouTube, and it just cut out after six minutes for an advert.

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