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>> No. 28571 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:05 am
28571 Minor Rants and Piss-Offs, Mark VIII
It appears largethreadmodlad has also locked the previous iteration of this thread; Mark VIII it is, then.

I take perfect care of my nails. I don't bite them, I cut in the standard flat formation every 3-5 days, and scrub under them in the shower. So why the actual fuck are my cuticles bleeding? Putting the plaster over to catch the blood means I can't play my bass properly, and that pisses me off.
2126 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 31037 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 4:03 pm
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>>31035
>>31036

Is it just me or were Des O'Connor, Bob Monkhouse and Terry Wogan all the same person?

If we were to bring one back though it would have to be Wogan.
>> No. 31038 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 4:13 pm
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>>31033


>> No. 31039 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 4:45 pm
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>>31037
I think Bob Monkhouse was really funny too - even in his later stages as comedy "changed" he was one of the few from that olden era who updated his act.
>> No. 31040 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 5:58 pm
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>>31039
If anyone hasn't seen it, I encourage them to track down Bob Monkhouse's Last Stand. Funny but also poignant.
>> No. 31041 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 6:14 pm
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>>31040

I second that recommendation.


>> No. 31042 Anonymous
15th November 2020
Sunday 7:26 pm
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>>31041>>31040
I hadn't seen that - thanks - really good.
>> No. 31043 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 1:47 pm
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Perhaps I've been oblivious to it because I had Prime until not too long ago, but it feels very sneaky of Amazon that they apply £4.49 postage and packaging as the default if you qualify for free delivery and have to manually select that instead.
>> No. 31044 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 1:48 pm
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>>31043
Because they normally act out the goodness of their hearts?
>> No. 31045 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 2:11 pm
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So I'm a pathetic NEET who should have been shot rolled into a ditch years ago, and I appriciate they're likely busier than Hell itself, but even so I resent that so far the government's JETS scheme has so far found me one job 2+ hours away and night shift work I can't get home from because I'm on public transport, which I've told you and you've offered to pay for so you obviously know, you daft bastard.

I think I'm just going to stop claiming benefits, sod this.
>> No. 31046 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 4:11 pm
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>>31045
Haha I'm awaiting a call from JETS at the moment, the whole thing seems like they're just fobbing people off to this company. If it doesn't pan out I'll just go back to selling drugs.
>> No. 31047 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 4:16 pm
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You cunts got that West Side Story song stuck in my head.
>> No. 31048 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 4:21 pm
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>>31046
Well, if you need an apprentice in your future endeavours hit me up.
>> No. 31049 Anonymous
19th November 2020
Thursday 12:00 am
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The thing I miss most about the 2010s is going backwards 200 years and seeing what was going on in the Napoleonic Wars.
>> No. 31058 Anonymous
19th November 2020
Thursday 9:51 pm
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Iain Lee has got sacked again.
>> No. 31059 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 6:23 pm
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>>31058
Doubt anyone else will be bothered to hunt this down.


>> No. 31060 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 6:59 pm
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>>31058>>31059
Who is he, and what is this?
>> No. 31061 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 7:13 pm
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>>31058
>>31059
>> No. 31062 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 8:31 pm
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>>31060

Oh god, I'm so old.



Iain Lee was briefly massively famous around the millennium for being the coke-addled face of Channel 4, then disappeared for a bit, then carved out a niche as a radio phone-in host with a remarkable talent for getting sacked.
>> No. 31063 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 9:37 pm
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>>31062
Was the world a nastier place, or just Channel 4?

I would have been 8 or 9 when this came out but I remember things like 'Balls of Steel'.
>> No. 31064 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 9:55 pm
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>>31060
Is it Ghostbusters II?
>> No. 31065 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 10:00 pm
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>>31063

...I think so tbh. I don't know if that's a bad thing as such? I think people used to take themselves less seriously as well. If this was a French show and they were ripping us.

Also neither of them seem to laugh, or even react, to anything Ricky says until Iain tells him to shut up. I thought that was scripted but they seem genuinely unamused, it's a weird joke for them to be completely deadpan and tell him to fuck off, idk.

That fucking guy who shat in a bag and told his mate there was a game controller inside. "He loved it". I hope that was real.
>> No. 31066 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 10:01 pm
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Didn't finish me sentence.

If this was a French show and they were ripping us I'd find it hilarious if I could understand it. It's a decent bit of a banter.
>> No. 31068 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 10:46 pm
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I keep watching James Hoffman videos even though I think he's a smug cunt and I don't really care about coffee.
>> No. 31069 Anonymous
20th November 2020
Friday 11:53 pm
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>>31065
>Also neither of them seem to laugh, or even react, to anything Ricky says until Iain tells him to shut up. I thought that was scripted but they seem genuinely unamused, it's a weird joke for them to be completely deadpan and tell him to fuck off, idk.

The next time someone is telling you a story or talking about bollocks you don't care about give them a poker face. You'll find that even for non-comedians it's absolutely infuriating.

Gervais is trying to be a comedian and they're fucking with his act by throwing him off for a laugh. For his part he does well to maintain his timing but it's probably more that he's reading the audience rather than taking cues from the people he's acting a conversation with.
>> No. 31070 Anonymous
21st November 2020
Saturday 1:03 am
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>>31063
>>31065
>>31065
You're not serious are you? Were you confused why nobody in The Office was laughing at David Brent as well?

For a start, The 11 O'Clock Show wasn't a chummy Graham Norton chat show, it was news and current affairs-based satire. That means fewer cutaways to grinning twats and more sober delivery.

Into that context you put Gervais, who is himself deadpan. This is because the pretence of his segment is that he has been invited on as a guest commentator, and his character is an idiot. He delivers his jokes as though he really believes what he is saying i.e. that it's more worthwhile to spend £20 on scratchcards than starving children. And this is why Daisy and Iain aren't reacting with amusement, but with disgust and contempt.
>> No. 31071 Anonymous
21st November 2020
Saturday 3:32 am
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>>31070

It just doesn't really work though, does it? Particularly since they're pretending he's contemptable before he even walks on, and before he even starts Lee goes "oh great it's the Gervais bit now" - so in this scenario where they're supposed to be disgusted by his views, why invite him on in the first place as they have clearly telegraphed they know what he's like? They should at least have had him come on, say something dodgy and then the presenters could have reacted to that. But as it is they basically go "heres a cunt we don't like, but for some reason we've invited him on our show to talk for five minutes anyway"
>> No. 31072 Anonymous
21st November 2020
Saturday 4:35 am
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>>31063

The year 2000 was a different world. We were in the euphoric early years of the Blair government, before 9/11, before the wars, before the financial crisis. The BNP existed, but they were a joke party that couldn't win a meat raffle. The internet was just barely starting to become a thing, but it was something you accessed via dial-up on a big beige computer and it didn't really influence mainstream culture in any way. "Reality TV" wasn't in common parlance, because the first series of Big Brother wouldn't start until later that year.

You were allowed to be conspicuously edgy, because there was a general understanding that we were all basically nice people and society was headed in the right direction.

The Gervais character worked at the time because his views were recognisable but also clearly unacceptable. There was no need to telegraph to the audience that the character is a satire of reactionary idiots, because it was implicitly understood. Iain and Daisy were playing the part of snide arseholes and even they were sick of his bullshit.

You might have an uncle with views like that, you might get ranted at by a pub bore or a taxi driver, you might hear twats on a late-night radio phone-in, but you weren't seeing those sorts of views constantly being amplified on social media because social media didn't exist. The Tories had absolutely no chance of winning the next election, the far-right were a joke, so it felt safe to flirt with unsavoury ideas for comedic effect.

I feel a bit sad now.
>> No. 31073 Anonymous
22nd November 2020
Sunday 2:28 am
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I'm watching Her on Film4 and it's really making me miss crowds.
>> No. 31074 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 12:50 am
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For something like six months a few years ago The Guardian had a "read later" button and then they binned it for reasons I can't understand. I really miss it.
>> No. 31075 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 1:31 am
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People have gotten used to this corona thing and the streets feel as busy as they ever were. I miss the empty roads and streets of early spring.
>> No. 31076 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 4:39 pm
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I got home from work today and somebody had chained their bike to my lamp post. I had to chain my bike to a different lamp post.
>> No. 31077 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 5:40 pm
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>>31076

Maybe someone had chained a bike the their lamp post? Don't jump to conclusions lad, you could be the fourth or fifth in the chain, and you've only perpetuated it by chaining your bike to someone else's lamp post. Who knows how far it stretches back.
>> No. 31078 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 6:36 pm
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>>31076
You own a lamp post?
>> No. 31079 Anonymous
24th November 2020
Tuesday 7:21 pm
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>>31078

I own two lampposts, they light up my driveway.
>> No. 31080 Anonymous
25th November 2020
Wednesday 4:57 pm
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Went full bachalor-mode and stirred my coffee with a pen, but that pen had a tiny hole in it so now it's full of coffee.
>> No. 31081 Anonymous
29th November 2020
Sunday 6:22 pm
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I thought the whole gender thing was overblown but holy shit do you notice it when you're shopping for young children. Teens are easier because you can just buy them computer games of the type they enjoy but with young children you have a colour scheme and then it's working out if its not tat or riddled with broken English.

Any ideas on what to get a 1 and 5 year old?
>> No. 31082 Anonymous
29th November 2020
Sunday 6:28 pm
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>>31081

These and some starter picks to go with them.
>> No. 31083 Anonymous
29th November 2020
Sunday 7:03 pm
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>>31082
These are great for something to fiddle with on a zoom call when I have to pay enough attention to make doing actual work impossible. Probably a bit of a stretch for a 1yo, although they're as good to chew on as anything, I guess.
Can you ask the owner of the kids for an explicit suggestion, 'to avoid buying something shit that clutter the place up, kill them or go against your (probably batshit) child rearing ethics'? At worst, it's a minefield (hmm, probably not a good suggestion), at best, it's a waste.
Anyway, I think I've ruled out explicit publications, land mines and bat shit. That's helpful, yeah?
Get the 5yo riding lessons if you want to torture the parents for fun.
>> No. 31084 Anonymous
1st December 2020
Tuesday 2:18 am
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I posted a really inane comment on a YouTube video at the beginning of the year. The video subsequently became fairly popular and my comment ended up top of the pile. All the responses are either even less funny or less interesting than what I wrote and they show up every few days as a notification. You can turn these off, but that's the real /101/ of this post; I can't turn off the notifications. I know, intellectually, that nothing interesting will show up, but part of my brain thinks "but what if... ?". So I'm doomed to be faintly annoyed every few days, either because I've read someone's boring setence or I feel a more deserving comment I've left elsewhere hasn't been answered.
>> No. 31085 Anonymous
1st December 2020
Tuesday 10:00 pm
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I am getting so tire of people's vague non-comittal replies to arranging things.


At a certain point it is not worth pulling teeth, and easier just to get new friends who know what they want and how to pick a time.
>> No. 31086 Anonymous
1st December 2020
Tuesday 10:01 pm
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>>31085

>I am getting so tire of

tired. Obv
>> No. 31087 Anonymous
2nd December 2020
Wednesday 7:45 pm
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The new windows update reversed my function+ keys and now I have to manually revert them through the registry.
>> No. 31088 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 1:10 am
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>>31087
I couldn't be bothered fixing how the updates broke all my personalised settings, so I stopped updating.
>> No. 31089 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 1:33 am
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>>31088
I'm with you. I soon found that SharpKeys couldn't edit certain key functions so holding Fn is just part of my life now. Curiously the airplane mode key I've never used outright doesn't register.
>> No. 31090 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 1:37 am
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I want to get a bidet attachment for my toilet, but I can't be arsed with all the questions. I went to Japan a few years ago and for a while after coming back I felt really rather savage.
>> No. 31091 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 1:47 am
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>>31090
How do you use it?
>> No. 31092 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 3:51 am
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>>31091
You press a button and it shoots a stream of warm water up your arsehole.

It can get much fancier than that with the proper ones, but that's essentially it.
>> No. 31093 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 7:59 am
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>>31090

I couldn't stand it myself. And I can't say it made my arse any cleaner. But if that's your fetish that's your fetish.
>> No. 31094 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 10:50 am
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>>31093
I don't get it either. Once you get your arse wet you can't dry it. Toilet paper breaks apart leaving white specks all over your arsehole, and using anything else will clog the sewers. Do people in Japan carry little arse-towels with them, or what?
>> No. 31095 Anonymous
3rd December 2020
Thursday 10:55 am
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>>31094
I guess they don't shit in public much but yes if you're ever in a house where they have one, don't touch the "hand towels".

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