>>28571
Almost 2 and half years ago to the day I was in a wheelchair and struggling to walk, I battled back to health but I still can't manage to cut my own toenails. It's a bridge too far for me, but it's embarrassing to ask for help so I keep ruining my socks and it annoys me. However, when I do ask my wife also soaks them, uses a pumice stone on them and moisturises them. I've noticed the cuticles and skin in general stays supple for a while.

Try using hand cream, like that Norwegian stuff for sailors.

My brain's shit.

>>28573
This.

>>28571

I'd assume you answered your own question there. If your cuticle are always bleeding you might not be playing your bass properly anyway.

>>28575
They aren't always bleeding; it's just a recent thing.

PornHub's tendency to promote wannabe porn stars unwilling to show their face.

I'd kill every man here for a Kit Kat Chunky multipack.

>>28579
Do you like to munch four down like your'e having a massive regular 4-lane kitkat (that had become disconnected) ?

I'm okay with the SWP handing out their moronic

SOCIALIST WORKERS PARTY

_{Climate change is bad}
signs at Extinction Rebellion protests because it's such a transparently manipulative thing to do people are immediately turned off by it, but it creates so much waste as the things break and are discarded at the end of the day. Nobody wants to take them home. Do the SWP stick around to gather them up and recycle them? Do they fuck. If you're going to try to hijack an environmental protest movement as a recruiting tool, at least act like you give a minimal shit about the environment.
Complete shower of cunts.

>>28582

What else are you going to burn on your traditional post-protest bonfire?

>>28583

SWP members.

>>28579

Double or nothing- Fight me in a duel for a multipack of peanut butter kitk kat chunkys.

>>28579>>28585

I'd splatter the both of you to have Cadbury's Fuse bars back.

>>28585
>>28586
I trained under the First Sword of Wrexham, inherited a khukuri from my Granddad and once beat Skyrim with an Argonian beserker build. It's quite clear I'm the most capable duelist on the board by some margin. If I looked hard enough I might even find the shield I made out of a Tie Fighter wing as a child.

Those Kit Kats are mine.

>>28587

I'm probably just going to drive to Tesco and buy some Kit Kats, if it's all the same to you lads.

>>28588
I declare this illegal.

Why don't we pronounce the "c" in "blancmange"?

>>28588
You are without honour.

>>28590

And what is honour without chocolate?

blancmange pretty much literally translates to "white food" so the blanc in there is pronounced mostly how it is in french - without, or at least almost without the C.

>>28588

Bring us some baccy while you're there mate. And some M&M crispies. They're on offer for a quid.

>>28588
get us some bacon frazzles m8

Comment sections that are just references or repeats of whatever the poster has said in the past, only one in fifty is any good. See The Needle Drop and Limmy's Twitter for examples.

>>28595
Bounced on my boy's dick to this comment.

>>28596
http://www.nicememe.ca/

Acid reflux so strong Rennie has no effect. It feels like I've swallowed a cocktail of paint stripper and battery acid. This is fucking excruciating.

>>28598
This sounds counter-intuitive and contrary to what you would consider is common sense, but acid reflux is actually caused by too little acid in your stomach.
If your stomach isn't producing enough acid, bacteria and yeast are able to survive, their growth is what upsets the stomach and causes reflux up the throat.

Rennie only treats the symptoms, it lowers the acidity even more so that reflux is less painful, but it's not a cure.

The root cause of acid reflux is usually a salt deficiency. If you start to become deficient in salt, one of the ways your body will try and retain it is to produce less stomach acid.

Why you gotta' be setting your space shit in a whole new galaxy or something? There has to be some dumb wormhole-cum-slipspace-mega-tech for it to happen and our own solar system is easily interesting and diverse enough to support a whole game or film or whatever. And don't talk to me about no stupid aliens; aliens always just end up acting like space Fascists, space hippies or autistic physicists regardless of how big of a universe you put them in. Except the Quarians, they were kind of unique.

>>28598
You need ranitidine and Lansoprazole, Pepto Bismol in a bind. Rennies are a complete con job and don’t work.

A couple of parental gripes.

1. They refuse to pay for gift aid when they go places but then complain that this means they don't qualify for an annual pass. Just pay the extra ~10% and return as many times as you want in the next 12 months for free rather than fixating on getting in cheaper on this occasion.

2. For my birthday I've provided them with a list of books on my 'to read' list and stressed that I'd prefer used ones as they're much cheaper so they'd be able to buy a lot more. They bought me two new books when they could have got around ten for that price if they were savvy, plus if I'd known they weren't going to get them all I'd have hinted at other people to get them rather than things I'd have preferred less
I realise giving them a list for my birthday sounds a bit cuntish, but my family always outright tells one another what we want for presents.

>>28602
Bloody parents, acting as if you wouldn't be there if not for them.

>>28603
Precisely, they're to blame for everything.

>>28603
I fucking hate this shit. When I were a a teenlad, they'd often call me ungrateful, that I wouldn't be there if not for them, etc. While I was probably being a bit of a twat, I never got that argument.

I never asked to be brought into the world, so I don't see why I should be in any way grateful for it. Life is the worst gift you can give anyone.

>>28605

My mother has tried to make me feel guilty or that I owe her something for bringing me into the world, raising me, spending money on me etc. I always tell her I very much wish she hadn't bothered, and it's not exactly like I had a say in any of it. It's daft really, if it was that bad she should have thought about that before she got up the duff, or at least poisoned me as a baby.

My kindle updated itself and I lost all my non-amazon store books. What a fucking cunt on.

>>28606
Enjoy your low social credit and not being able to apply for a fishing license.

>>28607
Was it supposed to do that? Mine is almost exclusively used to read "legally acquired" books I've dumped in the /documents/ folder not store purchases, it'd be a pain in the arse if a software upgrade fucked with that. Although I do keep it in airplane mode to maximise battery life.

>>28609

I'm not sure. It was in my pocket at work and must have unlocked as I was moving about, when I next looked at it, it had three different updates done on it and all my "legally acquired" books were gone. I'm starting to think I must have caused it to factory reset while it was jiggling around in my pocket.

>>28610
You may want to check your library settings on the website and see if those legally acquired books are registered or not. Most ebook sellers can let their books be used through Kindle directly, via a link that you provide from that service to Amazon. I've bought a few collections from Humble that have worked this way.

Right, I've held off long enough about the weather but this is getting silly now. Its not the heat but the godawful humidity that has had me feeling clammy and disgusting all day. And my hair is in an even worse state!

What preparations have you lads made for the coming months of sunshine-hot-hot?

>>28612

Shaved my head, got a job outside, and bought an air conditioner for the shed.

>>28612
Bought emergency blankets to cover the windows during the day.

Fucking estate agents fucking me abouT.

We went round, after the estate agent gave us all that about "getting in quick because there's a lot of interest". Bloody tennants gave the game away straight away by telling us we were the first ones to come look. We called up to say we'd take it literally straight away, they said they'd call us back, and what do you know, they've still gone and given it to someone else.

What is wrong with these people. What is their fucking game.

Why the fuck is PC gaming not simple anymore. It seems like so many companies are cutting corners and doing bad ports and badly optimised games for PC now. For days it took me about half an hour to start up one of two games, fiddle about with the settings so that it works THIS time, then I get to play for an hour before encountering some issue. Two games now. Two games I've paid for and can barely play due to updates that have rendered them buggy as fuck. Even did a clean install of Windows recently, nothing is conflicting on my end, a game update happens and fucks everything. It shouldn't be a bleeding chore to relax during some precious free time.

>>28616
This is why you end up at PS4/Xbox instead - I don't want to fiddle with DirectX drivers and debug nine kinds of shit just to play a game; I do that all day at work.

>>28615
I'm not sure if you have to be a cunt before you become an estate agent, or the job turns you into one.

>>28615
I don't get it - so was there lots of interest or not?

>>28619

I think what happened is they basically forgot about us; we phoned first thing Saturday morning, they told us they'd get back to us when they'd spoken to the landlord. Then when we hadn't heard anything by Monday we called back and they said it had been taken. We know we were the first viewers, so unless someone had taken it without viewing we should also have been the first to express interest. Which means we should have fucking got it.

I wish my utter cynicism wasn't always right, but I think it's just one of those cases. I trusted Leanne to ring us back; what I should really have done is trusted my instincts that Leanne is a slack fucking bint and called her back every half hour until she got her shit together.

I normally wouldn't be so annoyed about this but the house was in the perfect location for me and the Mrs to both have a decent commute; all of our other options either leave me slogging through traffic for ages or her getting a long convoluted bus/train route.

>>28618

Both.

>>28618
the weasel I'm dealing with for a car lease could easily be an estate agent on the side. He's completely uninterested in actually doing his fucking job, keeps telling me that he was on annual leave again, so another week's passed with him failing to do an easy 10 minutes work. Get the puncture fixed, schedule the delivery. 3 weeks and counting. Cunt. I'm going to have to rent something to tide me over.

If there is one thing worse than a train arriving late it is a train leaving early. I regret having not gone to expain the fundamentals of their job to the platform manager whilst waiting for the next one.

Described myself as "ace" to a bunch of alternative sorts online last night, as in a really cool fighter pilot or the best card in a deck.

About half-an-hour later I realised everyone had thought I'd come out as asexual.

http://www.whatisasexuality.com/am-i-ace/teen/

>>28622
Wouldn't happen to be King's Cross would it? The absolute gobshites have tried to catch me out a few times with a train I've pre-booked tickets on arriving and subsequently leaving early.

>>28624
Not him but I have also run into this problem at King's Cross more than once (and not elsewhere).

It's the night before an exam and I don't think I have ever felt more awake.

If there is any evidence to sya we as humans aren't created by an intelligent being it would be the fact that sleep, something apparently essential to our existence, is also completely fucking impossible when we need it the most.

>>28622
>>28624
>>28625
There are signs up about doors being locked a certain amount of time before departure. I remember they used to say 30 seconds, thought I've seen 40 and 60 elsewhere. I've heard that in some places they've put it up to a piss-taking 90 seconds. As soon as the doors are locked, the driver is free to go as long as the guard agrees and the signals are clear. The timetable already has more padding than a typical England batting line-up, so if you're having to leave early just to not arrive late someone has fucked up massively somewhere.

In fairness, it should be noted that the departure time shown in the timetable is just that: departure time, as in wheels rolling. That said, the working timetable has "advertised to leave X minutes early" (i.e. the public timetable shows an earlier time) as a standard note so I don't know why they don't just use that if delays on starting out are such a problem.

I largely dodged the post-adolecsent problem of embarrassing email handles, but occasionally I'll get a message using a name I chose out of a bad poem, or I'll have to use my back up email which is basically "DelicateUnicornBoy@supernet.co.uk".

>>28628
I've just noticed that my email recovery address is a years old mailbox on a server I no longer have access to. I'd better not lose that 64-character random password I set.

Speaking of emails, I created a new Gmail account on Friday to apply for jobs. I've only submitted my details for a position at a local council and I'm already getting spam; that job application is literally the only thing linked to the account.

>>28630
I had this last time I was looking for a job.
Cunts, all of them.

>>28630
You know how hackers try brute-forcing passwords? Spammers do the same thing with email addresses these days. They know that sbennett@ is a valid address, so they'll start tacking numbers on the end because that's what people do when names aren't available.

I have a parcel that is in customs, it's had it it's charges worked out but it seems the fuckers just gave up after that and forgot about it since it hasn't moved since.

Saw a brochure from a business calling themselves "Labradoors, an Electric Garage Door Comapny", with a wee silhouette of a dog for a logo. They stuck with that name so I can only assume whoever thought of it kept their job. Shocking.

>>28634

Well you've remembered it and just gave them free advertising and now I remember it. Seems less stupid now.

>>28635
I knew some smug cunt was going to say that. I look forward to seeing your new garage doors in a future thread.

>>28636
hahahaha

>>28634
Fuck, now I'm thinking of it too. Was it your bloody idea? It was, wasn't it? Is this stage II, the viral marketing campaign targeting Britain's most influential and widespread forums? Jog on, shill.

Okay, that's it, I'm adding paid advertising to the site. This time next year we'll all be millionaires etc.

>>28641

Seeing that image made the jingle automatically start playing in my head.

I've been trying to get into newfangled things like Reddit and Twitter, because I feel old and all the websites I post on are slowly dying.

Everything about it is boiling my piss. Posting restrictions and arbitrary conditions, with posts just getting auto-deleted if you fail to meet them. Fuck me. I mean I can see why it's probably necessary but it's infuriating.

>>28643
I've been trying to get into the UKPersonalFinance sub on Reddit after seeing it mentioned a few times on here, which is my first experience of the place. However, I've seen some dangerous advice given by people who don't know what they're talking about and the threads are largely repetitive; it's mainly either "got a lump sum, what do?" or humble-bragging about how much they earn.

>>28644
It seems to me that reddit is mostly home to youngsters and/or neophytes, with the more knowledgable types congregating on old-style niche forums. Even imageboards are better because they tend to attract obsessive autists.

>>28644
>I've seen some dangerous advice given by people who don't know what they're talking about

On Reddit??? Never!!!

Good thing they dont have subreddits about political issues or anything important like that.

>>28645

You do tend to see a lot of "hahaha remember (thing)" type memes on Reddit, where the joke is that the thing is meant to have been ages ago but it was only actually two or three years. There's also a lot of that weird "oh man I've seen some SHIT" attitude from people who probably don't even know what goatse, tubgirl or 2girls1cup were.

I just don't like the internet any more, I think.

>>28647

Their front page is full of people sneering at people doing stupid things when you get the impression those doing the sneering are only mildly more intelligent.

>>28647

When I think about explosive diarrhea, it gives me a stabbing pain in my upper inner right thigh where it meets the groin. Tubgirl is one of two images which causes me physical pain. I can't find the other again but it was a screenshot of someone's facebook status saying she had just learned that cleaning diarrhea off Ben's scrotum was like scraping butter of an English muffin. I assume Ben was a baby.

>>28649
>When I think about explosive diarrhea, it gives me a stabbing pain in my upper inner right thigh where it meets the groin.

You are now breathing manually and blinking manually.
You just lost The Game.
You are now thinking of explosive diarrhea.

>>28646
>Good thing they dont have subreddits about political issues or anything important like that.

We're not much better in that respect. If you look at, say, the Syria threads or just about any thread on /pol/ or /news/ that are a few years old it's clear that the posters who try to come across as experts and knowledgeable in that field were completely pulling it out of their arse. Some of it is spectacularly inaccurate. In hindsight, the Syria threads seem like we've been infiltrated by Russians or Russian sympathisers.

Feels like a dig when I get told to watch shit like this.

>>28651

I think reddit biggest problem is the circle jerk. Opposing position regardless of quality get down voted to oblivion ones that are fundamentally stupid but preach to the choir are promoted into the stratosphere.

What makes this worse is that this is by design. The 'wrong' popular threads are are deleted before they ever hit the front of r/all there are various things that that track this now like r/undelete

There is a secret admin group I think its called something as Orwellian as 'anti-evil' that manages this policy.

So when you see another anti vax are so dumb, next marvel movie great thread it is there by design.

Parcelforce decided to reschedule my delivery without telling me.

Wankers.

I feel slightly guilty about being slightly shitty to a chugger on my way home. She accosted me in the train station with the line "Are you friendly?". A somewhat curt "no" did nothing to temper her enthusiasm to "just start a conversation", nor did my reply "I don't mean to be rude, but I'm not interested in whatever you're pitching and just want to wait for my train in peace". I backed away, but she started literally following me around the station concourse. I ended up explaining in detail why both the charity she was raising money for and the overheads of street fundraising offer extremely poor value for money to donors and have a detrimental effect on the charitable sector as a whole; she just looked sad and slightly ashamed and didn't know what to say.

I shouldn't have made a stranger's day worse for no real reason, but her sheer persistence really wound me up.

>>28652

I really wish that YouTube would stop promoting conspiracy theory bollocks. A search for "international space station" no longer returns a page full of videos "proving" that the ISS is a hoax, so at least they're doing something, but they don't seem to be trying particularly hard to deal with the dangerous pseudoscientific bollocks that litters their platform.

>>28656
Bottom line is they don't give a shit unless it gets them bad publicity and threatens their revenue.

>>28653

I've only been using it about a week but I've already come to much the same conclusion. User voting seems like a great idea at first, until you realise that the users are mostly morons, and having them vote just encourages moronic posts to be voted up because they have the right memes in them.

>>28656
>Imagine playing a co-op shooter like Fortnite Battle Royale or PUB-G with on a VR headset... in real time, with zero lag
Okay, I'm imagining it. Now what?

>>28653
I like how you've cleverly posted the most obvious, oft-repeated and shallow criticisms of reddit. Very meta.

>>28655
I hope you don't mind me saying but I'd shake your hand if I could. These arseholes come and knock on my door (at least twice just in the past couple of weeks) and if I say "Sorry I'm not buying anything" the moment I can see they have a clipboard or whatever and go to close the door they say "I'm not selling anything", one of them pointed to his t-shirt with the charity logo on it as he said it.

I think people without serious issues around simply ignoring the boundaries of others don't last long in the job or are reluctant to take it in the first place.

One asked me if I was friendly. I said "moderately" and kept walking and that was that. Maybe that's the magic word somehow.

>>28663

I think it's a sales technique where they start with a question you can't say no to. One tried to sell me a dodgy photocopied book of jokes and started with "Do you like a laugh?". I said no and they looked baffled.

>>28664

One was saying peculiar things to me about what we had in common like he used to have the same bag as me and when he asked my hometown he said his fellow chugger was from the same place. I was baffled he thought I was supposed to care.

>>28665

I just typo'd chigger before I fixed it.

>>28665
I think these people have a training course which is just being read a condensed to one page of bulletpoints version of How to win friends & influence people. Most likely it's missing the one very important bulletpoint that explains if people can tell even on a subconscious level that you're trying to manipulate them then it'll make them dislike you far more than if you were just plainly asking.

>>28667

I've done a few shit sales type jobs in my time, from cold-calling flogging iPads to door knocking for market research.

The one thing they've always had in common is that the sales training they give you is utterly ineffective, and about twenty years behind what people have already become used to just saying no to immediately. There are two type of people who succeed at sales- Either you're a genuine "people person" with the ability to chat shit to anyone, or you have Derren Brown level powers of suggestion and essentially jedi mind trick people into agreeing with you.

The one most essential thing they never teach is that you really can't rescue a pitch from someone who's flat out not interested. I'm not sure why this obvious fact escapes the people responsible for training, but it's for this reason that you get those godawful jar-shakers who try it on even when you basically tell them to fuck off. The training always tries to tell you it's worth a shot and that you have to be persistent, with some semi-mythical bullshit about landing that massive sale from what at first seemed to be a dead end; but it's simply a waste of time. It's always far more efficient to just cut it off and knock on the next door/call the next person etc.

>>28655
>I ended up explaining in detail why both the charity she was raising money for and the overheads of street fundraising offer extremely poor value for money to donors and have a detrimental effect on the charitable sector as a whole; she just looked sad and slightly ashamed and didn't know what to say.
The correct action here would have been to just say in a slightly raised voice "look, just fuck off and leave me alone". 100% success rate, and shouldn't ruin their day.

>>28668
They did when I did cold-calling back in 2010 or so. The word was 'negs'. Negs aren't gonna get you a sale no matter what, so waste as little time on them as possible and move on, checking their house number off the list as you go. The absolute worst thing to encounter were COWS: Cannot Operate Without Spouse. They're really interested, spend ages talking to you (and not in the facetious way people sometimes do with telemarketers) but get terrified as soon as paperwork comes out, at which point they need to consult with the other half who is never present. I was selling TalkTalk packages I should mention, so it wasn't just a case of getting them to part with some cash and then leaving, it involved another phone call to TT themselves.

Absolutely horrible job, I'll never forget it. You're bothering almost everyone who answers the door and it makes you feel rotten after a while, though genuine abuse is surprisingly rare in this country at least. I'm a lot nicer to such people now if they come to the door - I'll at least chat with for a minute about the job while making it clear I'm not going to buying anything. Also it tears your feet to shreds and half the time you'll work 9 hours with 15 minutes for lunch and make absolutely no money at all.

>>28672
What is the quickest, easiest way to be identified as a 'neg'?

>>28673
"Sorry, not interested" while already closing the door. I don't think it matters on you though, it's about the training the person has gotten. We were told to use our instincts and if someone was clearly not going to budge then move on asap. Seems like many of the above posters are referring to chuggers and such who've been told the key is chirpy persistence. In that case try lobbing a brick.

>>28673
A very quick "no thank you" and walk off/close the door. There is no need to be British levels of polite at this.

>>28673

Mention it on the Grindr profile.

The word "fierce".