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|>>|| No. 2130
Are there any 'resting actors' out there?
I'm back up to about a litre of whisky a day again. :(
|>>|| No. 8461
I am not an alcoholic, my poison is weed, but reading this thread felt very relatable so I hope you don't mind if I join in.
Lockdown is what fucked me. I'd had a 'bit of a problem' for the last two years (came out as gay, lost all my friends, wrecked my brain and patched over the damage with god's good green) but I had really gotten into better habits since moving somewhere I can't smoke indoors. I went from 2 spliffs a day to 1 or 2 on the weekend and was really proud of myself.
Then lockdown hit, I had another mental breakdown and was 'furloughed' (company basically did it to sign me off for two months to recover while saving money). Found a crazy cheap dealer, £100/o with home delivery, and just started smoking my head off. 5-7 joints a day when I wasn't working, I tried to cut down once work started again but now for the first time in my life I'm working high. 10am spliff, lunchtime spliff, probably a 3pm spliff if the afternoon is slow, then 2 or 3 more after work.
The problem is that I just can't cope with all this corona shit without it. What is there to hope for, to look forward to? It's suffocating. I can't plan a trip or a meetup with friends to try and comfort my diseased brain with something other than drugs, because who knows what bojo's next ban will be?
Well, either way I got a nasty flu last week which has as usual developed into acute bronchitis due to my refusal to stop smoking ganja, so I smoked what I had and decided not to order any more until I stop coughing. Then my equally depressed flatmate comes home, tells me a load of doomer shit that's on her mind and immediately all I can think of is more weed or we're gonna form a suicide pact.
Fucked if I know what to do. At least it's not cocaine I guess.
|>>|| No. 8462
Ever taken acid? Sounds either incredibly daft or incredibly cliche and trite, but getting into psychedelics is what made me realise weed is bad for me and put me off it. Maybe there's a way you can come to a similar realisation.
At the end of the day weed is a pretty unique drug, it's both a lot safer than the propaganda tells you but at the same time it's got a lot more potential to fuck you up than the 420 blaze it crowd will admit. if you suffer from any kind of anxiety issues (sounds like you certainly do), the ganja is 110% exacerbating them. No ifs or buts about it- And given long enough smoking powerful high THC bud like we have today, I'm sure almost anyone will eventually turn into a schizoid fruit with alzheimers.
What is it that you perceive the benefit of smoking weed to be, personally? This isn't a smart arse question or a trap or anything, just genuinely asking what you find it desirable for. What are the positive effects that you can't get from anything else?
|>>|| No. 8463
I have severe issues with mood stability and get very very upset over relatively small issues, am currently awaiting assessment for autism- basically when things go wrong, they go very wrong to the extent I might end up nonverbal and banging my head against furniture for hours. When a 'spiral' like that starts, weed is one of very few things that can head it off. Smoking a joint always feels like a nicer option than being a gibbering retard for the next hour while my brain attempts to process bad feelings.
If i could get proper help for the tism or whatever it is, I'd probably smoke less, but that's a fucking mission as an adult. I've been working on it for over a year now and only recently made any progress with the NHS.
|>>|| No. 8464
If possible I would highly recommend microdosing shrooms. I used weed for similar things, mostly to control my depression/mood dips but also to help me sleep in the evenings. Like you this pandemic is taking its toll on me which led me to be pretty much baked 24/7 until I had a break down. Then i started taking more shrooms. Microdosing shrooms has helped me kick weed for longer, or well, at the least the most I'll use is up to 0.3g of weed to help me sleep, and the shrooms also help massively in levelling my mood out. Can be a tad expensive to keep buying though but it's relatively easy to grow your own.
|>>|| No. 8465
Have you tried the garden variety anti-depressants your GP will chuck at you? I know they're not the best thing in the world but they provide a window of stability (and numbness) that can allow you to develop more positive habits.
Issues like yours can probably be worked through by practice of mindfulness- That's more or less all the mental health services these days can offer people anyway, at least for depression/anxiety. The usual CBT therapy teaches you to re-train your mind into more healthy self-affirmational thoughts in a way not dissimilar to meditation. So maybe look into some breathing exercises and what have you.
Ultimately this might not be a permanent solution but if you're making progress with getting proper mental health help, it will at least keep you sane for the meantime, without having to smoke enough weed to turn yourself into a turnip.
Also, do you smoke normal fags and cut your joints with baccy? I know a few people who considerably cut down their cannabis usage when they quit smoking regular cigs because without realising, half of the feeling of compulsion was actually plain old nicotine craving. That might be a helpful way to start cutting down again.
Lockdown has done a number on all of us really. Feel free to come here and talk if you need to m8, it doesn't matter if you're spamming the thread for ten posts a day.
|>>|| No. 8466
I am very wary of any sort of hallucinogenic due to my grip on reality already being fairly flimsy, I hallucinate etc under high stress.
Tried all of that yeah, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression years ago but it's clearly a bit more than that. CBT is very good for not letting small wobbles turn into big ones, but when a big one hits you out of nowhere. No amount of sensible thinking can overpower EVERYTHINGS FUCKED EVERYTHINGS FUCKED YOU USELESS LAZY PIECE OF SHIT KILL YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY in the way that weed does- with this sort of condition it is very enjoyable to have a means of immediately not giving a shit about anything.
I seem to have talked myself into the same corner I do every time I mention this to my GP- I would like to smoke less but right now I need what it does for my severely fucked brain.
|>>|| No. 8467
Oh and I did buy more weed. Sorry for being a useless cunt and letting the two of you down. To be fair, bossman said it tastes like chocolate and cures depression.
|>>|| No. 8468
You see, what I was getting at with weed exacerbating anxiety is that you might not have such intense wobblies when you're not stoned, if you weren't constantly smoking. In my own personal experience, being high is a pretty tense feeling sometimes regardless, and I've never felt the "chilled out" kind of high most people tend to associate weed with.
For me it's always gone like this: Smoke a joint, immediately distract myself with videogames/a film/etc. If I don't do that, I will be invariably paralysed with inactivity for the next hour, because I'm busy staring off into space over-thinking every single conversation I had that day and biting off my knuckles because I only then realise how utterly cringe-worthy and embarrassing every word I said was, and how everyone sees right though my front and they know. They know.
I've basically ended up theorising that most people, who don't suffer from the same overt anxiety/paranoia that I do sober, won't notice this effect when they're high- But that that doesn't mean it isn't there. It's a well known side effect of smoking weed, but you usually stop noticing it once you've built up a tolerance- I just think it lurks beneath the surface instead of entirely going away.
I know that doesn't practically help you resist using it, but at least recognising that you might be stuck in a bit of a vicious cycle should strengthen your resolve. Maybe see if someone can get hold of some valium or similar to calm your nerves while you cut down, that seems to be your main obstacle; but I think reducing your dependence on the weed to begin with will have pretty beneficial effects in and of itself.
|>>|| No. 8469
>I would like to smoke less but right now I need what it does for my severely fucked brain.
I've been completely the same mate and I haven't had any CBT but recently found you can apply for it online now for free so I'll be getting it in the next couple weeks.
That all makes sense and it's easy to say but I know exactly how this lad's going to feel when sober. It is unbearable and you only spiral, you're having to get high to save yourself, basically.
Completely agree with the rest you said though, studies have shown it can exascebate anxiety issues and you deinitely do need to address the feelings you're avoiding and find some kind of way to reduce your intake at the least, otherwise it just buries these feelings down into your subconscious and I swear it's what led to a breakdown for me because I got to the point where weed was doing nothing.
|>>|| No. 8470
I'm high right now and can't delete my post to fix the typos.
|>>|| No. 8471
See the weird thing is I have had a strain of weed that did that before, I realised and stopped smoking it, so I don't know if it's an indica vs sativa thing or some bollocks, I'm not one of these hipster weed apothecary types.
It mostly just makes my brain go from 200/mph to some kind of normal person speed, which is very nice. Maybe there is some residual anxiety, but it's certainly not as bad as the epic fucking shit fits I have off it. Is there not some kind of option to trade in my drugs budget for just a nice functioning brain that does the emotions thing properly?
Anyway, while I have ordered my poison, it won't be here for a few days, so here's hoping a brief patch of cold turkey will help me to start fresh with better habits. Like not smoking during the work day. Fucking WFH, it's a curse for potheads I tell you.
|>>|| No. 8472
>I hallucinate etc under high stress
Have you told your GP about this? Those symptoms should result in an immediate referral to the Early Intervention in Psychosis team.
|>>|| No. 8473
I told the mental health assessment team that, it's very infrequent and I've always had it so they didn't seem too fussed. Just wasn't quite anchored properly to the planet at birth somehow. Is it that unusual?
|>>|| No. 8474
Counting back the years, I've always loved being off my tits. At times it wasn't alcohol but that has been the drug of choice to make the voices shut the fuck up and let my mind get some rest since I was 14. That's more than 25 years back, so no doubt my brain and body adapted. "Plan 50" seems tempting. Just spend what I earned until I turn approximately 50 and then end it. Exit bag sounds good.
|>>|| No. 8476
When I'm not drunk enough, after a week or so I need to apply a new cover to my pillows at least. The sheets can wait, I can use some other sheets make up for it.The duvet cover is worse, I do not get why it gets spoiled. Something to be gotten rid off. Maybe I should get fibre bedding and not feather bedding. Much more cleanable.
|>>|| No. 8477
I've had a similar experience, recounted in >>4292. That was obvsiouly a few years ago and that's changed since but if you're in your mid to late 20s like I was then it might just be that you're sweating up your bed.
I've chucked my down pillows in favour of machine washable fibre ones and I'm sorely tempted to do the same for my duvet (and maybe get a hygiene cover for the mattress as well; I don't wet the bed but I'm not exactly fastidious when it comes to changing my sheets).
In other news, instead of pouring An Amount™ of spirits into a pint glass and then topping it up with water I've started using a measuring cup of ~50ml (nor markings on the side). I'm not sure if that made things better or worse but instead of more or less speedrunning a pint of vodka I now remain awake much longer and drink for hours instead. I assume that's why "session ales" were invented.
|>>|| No. 8478
Liver's playing up again for the first time in years. For the first time ever I got a sharp pain (as opposed to a dull one) the other night and so I "quit drinking" for most of the week but now am stupidly getting drunk again to celebrate how sensible and productive I've been with my week of sobriety. Three beers in and I know I should leave it but I have another 9 in the fridge and I'm thinking "fuck it I'll enjoy tonight and then quit tomorrow" but I've said that literally thousands of times.
|>>|| No. 8479
What do you lads do about the pissing if you're a light sleeper? Do you just need to stop drinking for a while and your bladder repairs a bit? Or is it the prostate? Or kidneys? Whatever it is mine are right cunts, gets better when I don't drink for a while. Is this the kind of thing that your body sorts out after a bit, or am I always going to be a few days of drinking away from pissing up daisies?
|>>|| No. 8480
>Maybe see if someone can get hold of some valium or similar to calm your nerves while you cut down
Woah, woah, woah. I know I'm massively too late to this, but advising someone with addictive tendencies to try one of the most addictive drugs out there is seriously bad advice. I spent four years on benzos, two of those really heavily. It took six months to come off and several years later I'm still a mess. I started by adding benzos to weed, largely because a lot of times the only weed I could get was "knock yer fucking stack off" ultra-high THC shit that made me anxious. Don't get into benzos, for fuck's sake.
|>>|| No. 8481
Absolutely seconded. I used to steal valium from my parents (yes, that was not a proud moment by any means) and it's robbing Paul to pay back Peter, except Paul is a really dodger geezer and will come after you. Replacing one drug with another that has a similar effect is really not going to help you. Even if doctor perscribed I'd be very wary unless the doctor is aware of your alcohol history and fully on board with it. A bored overworked GP handing you the vallies is not on your side other than to tide you over.
|>>|| No. 8482
While I understand your stance that self medication with addictive pills is stupid (and it is) there is wide and ample medical use of benzodiazepines for alcohol detox.
If you try to come off a really bad drinking habit cold turkey you can quite literally die from the seizures unless you're medicated with something else.
Obviously the trick is medical supervision and keeping the use purely for the detox and under the generally acceptable two weeks limit. What you don't want is to find yourself still on Valium three months later as a crutch for not drinking. As you both pointed out you're just swapping one drug for another although we disagree as to which drug is worse (alcohol will definitely both make you sick and klll you faster, Valium will probably get you hooked faster).
|>>|| No. 8484
My bad. As it's the Resting Actors thread I put two and two together and came up with seven. If I could delete my posts I would, but Firefox is acting up of late so my embarrassment will remain on my personal record. That said, I will go on record as saying that I don't see how using Valium is going to help someone stop smoking weed unless they plan to permanently swap one drug for the other (which is a Really Bad Idea).
Sage for basically repeating things that other people have already said but with far less relevance.
|>>|| No. 8485
Maybe I was a catastrophising a little, you are off course right that medical supervision is crucial — even diamorphine can be safe and useful under such conditions — but in a resting actors thread I think it's very important to avoid tempting people into trying to self medicate.
|>>|| No. 8501
My uncle who isn't really an uncle is in hospital dying of liver failure. I'm probably not far behind him to be honest.
I have been staring at a photo of us having a pint together when I was 16 all night. If he makes it I'm going to "quit properly" with him. If he doesn't make it I'm going to leave my house to his kid and follow him swiftly over the horizon.
|>>|| No. 8503
Thank-you. The latest is that he's apparently stable enough to be moved to another hospital with better liver specialists. We'll find out if that's encouraging news or unbelievably bad news in the next few days.
|>>|| No. 8504
Jesus Christ. Nobody told me how agonising it is when the booze finally catches up with you. I always imagined an otherwise relatively healthy bloke with a massive gut keeling over.
He's squeezing my hand and begging me to promise to look after his son with tubes up his nose and tubes up his knob and tubes in his arm. I've never seen anyone in such terrible pain.
|>>|| No. 8506
Well he's awake (sort of) and breathing by himself which is basically like winning the lottery compared to a few days ago. If he recovers fully I'm going to punch him in his bald head and his big gut for scaring us so badly.
Thanks for asking.
|>>|| No. 8507
It's positive you can feel that sort of thing about the situation too. Best of luck to you both.
|>>|| No. 8508
I spoke to a GP (on the phone) and told him I consume considerably more alcohol than is healthy and have done so for the last 25 years. He seemed keen, but his only suggestions was that he could prescribe thiamine.
|>>|| No. 8509
Alcohol problems have soared over lockdown, so unfortunately treatment services are massively backlogged. If you want to cut down on your drinking, I'd suggest looking for voluntary organisations in your area that may be able to offer support. AA is a great fit for some people and a terrible fit for others, but there are plenty of other groups out there with different approaches.
Definitely take the thiamine though - if you don't need it you'll just piss it out, but if you do need it then it'll save you from the horrors of Korsakoff syndrome.
|>>|| No. 8510
I take daily vitamins, including thiamine (as well as a few other bits and bobs that support liver function); I'm an alcoholic, but not an idiot. I didn't expect to get my addiction fixed and it was kind of moving since the GP called back to recommend thiamine, but no mention of a liver function test, blood pressure check or similar. Just to be clear, I do not blame the GP at all, they are oversubscriberd as is and me turning up with my issues now is happening at the worst time possible. I might have to go private to get a checkup, AA is sometehing I tried and maybe I got the wrong group but fuck me that was a bunch of people who did not want to properly accept that they just personally fucked up.
|>>|| No. 8511
This is the end. I cannot be arsed anymore. I'm getting on the bus.
|>>|| No. 8512
If you want to talk to someone, call The Samaritans on 116 123.
If you need urgent help, dial 999.
|>>|| No. 8513
Do a flip.
Alternatively call the Samaritans, they saved my life and I'm glad they did. I was drinking bottle of whiskey a day and routinely stabbing myself. If you had it worse than maybe I can't empathise, but just talk to them before you get started on it at least.
|>>|| No. 8514
I told my therapist that over the last 18 months I've been drinking at least 15 units a day, but he said that's fine, some people drink more than that, and as it's not ruining my life then AA wouldn't be helpful. I'm merely an apprentice alcoholic.
|>>|| No. 8515
AA is probably unnecessary
You should swap out the drinking for lifting weights and meditation though lad.
|>>|| No. 8517
Likewise my drinking in the gym does not go down well at all with the Personal Trainers.
|>>|| No. 8518
I'm on my swan flight and I think I'll quit soon. I topped out at £227,000 (paying nearly £88,000 in tax, you can thank me later) even though most of that is in shares. Work has turned into just another bean counter hell hole, and readin gsome recent feedbck other people are apparently on-board with throwing personal responsibility over board and sucking dear corporate leader's cock. I know that makes it sound like I'm the problem, and I probably am, but this cult like hero worship is rubbing me really the wrong way.
|>>|| No. 8521
"Swan song", my apologies.
Fuck knows. I can coast for at least a year, maybe a decade if all goes well. If I get my act together I could probably learn a trade and be a plumber or electrician. Failing that, I could buy a 4-bed house somewhere and become a live-in land lord... but that idea makes me puke and sing l'Internationale.
|>>|| No. 8522
Remind me why suicide is not the right answer? I should get an SGC and just blow my face off, failing that... the chemistry isn't that hard so it's not that much trouble. Bye bye.
|>>|| No. 8523
Reminder, because I'm a fuck head. I could have resolved the SGC because the care was all private, all the rest is quite clear once I get sign off. Quite British, really. And as such I shall keep on.
|>>|| No. 8524
It's harder than I thought. Helium supplies are oxygenated because fuck it. Unless you have a business need. Starting a Ltd isn't hard, but regulations, Fuck this noise. Maybe good old Swann Morton up the street is the way.
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