Takes the piss a bit sometimes knowing you can be on that kind of money for programming Amazon fulfillment centre algorithms or whatever, but 5+ years studying biomedical science will put you on £40k if you're lucky.
I have been drinking every night and blacking out for the past 3 weeks. I wake up feeling like death and drink some more to get rid of the hangover, and start work. I get off work, and start all over again.
>>8412 > Why? I assume the drinking is a symptom of something else. And I assume if you solve that you can solve the drinking.
In my long and miserable experience this is a terrible assumption, at least on a prima face basis. As far as I can tell my drinking and drugging is a symptom of the fact that to be alive means being conscious.
>>8415 > Except most of us don't wander around considering our consciousness to be a burden,
That depends on who you mean by 'us'; the general public, britfa users, alcoholics?
Obviously the vast majority of the addicts find their unmodified conscience to be a burden. For what other earthly reason would they have invested so much time, effort, and money into modifying it?
Addiction is a mental health issue by default anyway. I think you might have wandered into the wrong thread by way of being a /*/-trawling cunt-stick.
>>8416 Obviously addiction is a mental health issue, but you've identified the drudgery of consciousness as the reason for your addiction in the first place. So his point that drinking is a symptom of something else is true in your case. No need to be a prick about it m7.
>>8417 > but you've identified the drudgery of consciousness as the reason for your addiction
Oh, ladm25. If it were merely something so whimsical as 'drudgery' I would have turned on repeats of Mock The Week on Dave, or gotten into dogging or rating teenage prostitutes on obscure websites. Instead I've spent over half a dozen years and untold amounts of money trying to mute, or at least lower the volume of, the waking fucking nightmare that I find my life to be.
You're right, mostly, about the other bit though. For most addicts alcohol or drugs aren't their problem; they're their solution. Their problem is that they've come spiritually, emotionally, and mentally undone. The rest is really academic.
Can someone give me a list of documentaries or TV shows that document the horrors of being a rested actor? Did Theroux do one? I want something to watch while tripping.
That sounds like a worse idea than the time I watched an hour long infomercial for a fully automated industrial chicken processing factory while I peaked.
He did. It really got into the personality disorder aspect quite well. The subjects were good choices, it put a better human face on it than you would expect from him.
I've never actually watched it but Theroux's stuff is usually good.
Where's he gone, anyway? Everyone seems to agree he's a great interviewer but I haven't seen any new stuff of his in ages. You'd think in the Trumpian era he would be having a field day.
I got so drunk that I ended up going on one of my long drunken strolls. It was mostly uneventful, but I came across a crime scene where a man was stabbed in the back outside a casino because of some pedestrian argument about money. I spent some time trying to chat up the cute policewoman who was managing the police cordon, but unfortunately I didn't get her number. She obviously enjoyed the attention though because she was giggling at all my jokes and didn't mind my playful tugs at her cute policewoman's hat.
If I lived in America I think I would've been shot by now, but at least I now have "cute policewoman" firmly stored in my wank bank.
>>8440 Theroux is good, though I'm a bit miffed that he has so strongly come out against Michael Jackson on the strength of that Neverland documentary. I'm keeping an open mind on that subject given there is a lot of conflicting evidence and testimony, but Theroux is like 'yes, this happened, and it's all terrible and we need to examine how he was he able to get away with it etc. etc.'
There is that now infamous moment at the end of that documentary where he asks why Jimmy Savile says he hates kids and he replies "I don't want people to think I am a peadophile" I could see that haunting you because in hindsight it is the closest we ever saw to a public confession.
>>8447 Yeah well Theroux isn't a police detective, none of this is on his head, so he shouldn't be trying to make up for it after the fact by overcompensating with Jackson. I don't think Jackson's situation is comparable to Savile's for a great number of reasons.
>>8449 >people knew this
If it's so cut and dry, where are all the kids he befriended and people who worked with him and on Neverland Ranch testifying about all the shit that went on?
>>8450 He bunged them more cash than most people of their backgrounds could ever imagine. Also there's not much use in testifying against a dead cunt, and when you do, say, make a documentary film detailing your abuse, some snide twat on the internet who's probably a nonce himself starts slating you for it.
>>8449 I don't think Jacko was a paedo. He was completely fucked in the head and I think he liked the innocence of children but I don't believe he necessarily diddled them.
When I quit drinking in February, after a couple of months I noticed that I had the ability to just make myself feel okay. Gradually this ability became more powerful and "okay" became "pretty good". Then I started drinking heavily in August (to meet people - terrible idea) and noticed this abiility gradually started disappearing.
Is this ability to just "activate" feeling good something people naturally have? It felt surreal when I (re?)discovered it.
No.... No, I don't think it is, but then I do have chronic depression, so I might not be best placed to know- Or conversely maybe I know better than most. I think people are basically neutral if things are just fine and they don't have anything to be happy or unhappy about. They start to feel down if they are exposed to things other people have that they don't, making them feel jealous and inferior. They start to feel down when the news is feeding misery and torment into their lives.
You're happy because you're not an alcoholic any more, which allows you see the good things in your life more clearly. Are you one of those posho alchies by any chance, where you drink to excess because you have a lot of money to burn so why not? When you're not looking at your life through the bottom of a bottle it probably looks a lot better than a lot of people's looks to start with.
>>8455 Not sure about "activate" feeling good but yes when you're not hung over and slow, you can fairly easily focus on positive things and make everything feel better.
Long-term heavy drinking does a number on your brain chemistry, so it takes some time to get back on an even keel. Immediately after quitting people tend to be really anxious and hyperactive due to the lack of GABA (in the extreme case getting the DTs), but there's a period after that where your brain goes the other way and you feel like your batteries are going flat.
Heavy drinking impairs your ability to absorb folic acid and vitamin B1, so you could have built up a deficiency over time; try to eat plenty of green vegetables and whole grains and consider taking a supplement. If you don't start to see any improvement within the next couple of weeks, see your GP about treatment for depression. If you feel like you're in crisis, call 116 123 any time to speak to The Samaritans; if you think that you might harm yourself, call 999.
>>8458 You're probably experiencing Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. As the other lad said, long term drinking does a number on your neurochemistry and anhedonia (reduced ability to enjoy things and be happy, basically) is a common symptom. As someone who quit three years ago I can tell it gets better with time and finally goes away. Just reassure yourself that you're doing the right thing, tough it out and work towards your life goals. It helps to feel a sense of progression that'll override your day-to-day feelings of unhappiness.
I am not an alcoholic, my poison is weed, but reading this thread felt very relatable so I hope you don't mind if I join in.
Lockdown is what fucked me. I'd had a 'bit of a problem' for the last two years (came out as gay, lost all my friends, wrecked my brain and patched over the damage with god's good green) but I had really gotten into better habits since moving somewhere I can't smoke indoors. I went from 2 spliffs a day to 1 or 2 on the weekend and was really proud of myself.
Then lockdown hit, I had another mental breakdown and was 'furloughed' (company basically did it to sign me off for two months to recover while saving money). Found a crazy cheap dealer, £100/o with home delivery, and just started smoking my head off. 5-7 joints a day when I wasn't working, I tried to cut down once work started again but now for the first time in my life I'm working high. 10am spliff, lunchtime spliff, probably a 3pm spliff if the afternoon is slow, then 2 or 3 more after work.
The problem is that I just can't cope with all this corona shit without it. What is there to hope for, to look forward to? It's suffocating. I can't plan a trip or a meetup with friends to try and comfort my diseased brain with something other than drugs, because who knows what bojo's next ban will be?
Well, either way I got a nasty flu last week which has as usual developed into acute bronchitis due to my refusal to stop smoking ganja, so I smoked what I had and decided not to order any more until I stop coughing. Then my equally depressed flatmate comes home, tells me a load of doomer shit that's on her mind and immediately all I can think of is more weed or we're gonna form a suicide pact.
Fucked if I know what to do. At least it's not cocaine I guess.
Ever taken acid? Sounds either incredibly daft or incredibly cliche and trite, but getting into psychedelics is what made me realise weed is bad for me and put me off it. Maybe there's a way you can come to a similar realisation.
At the end of the day weed is a pretty unique drug, it's both a lot safer than the propaganda tells you but at the same time it's got a lot more potential to fuck you up than the 420 blaze it crowd will admit. if you suffer from any kind of anxiety issues (sounds like you certainly do), the ganja is 110% exacerbating them. No ifs or buts about it- And given long enough smoking powerful high THC bud like we have today, I'm sure almost anyone will eventually turn into a schizoid fruit with alzheimers.
What is it that you perceive the benefit of smoking weed to be, personally? This isn't a smart arse question or a trap or anything, just genuinely asking what you find it desirable for. What are the positive effects that you can't get from anything else?
I have severe issues with mood stability and get very very upset over relatively small issues, am currently awaiting assessment for autism- basically when things go wrong, they go very wrong to the extent I might end up nonverbal and banging my head against furniture for hours. When a 'spiral' like that starts, weed is one of very few things that can head it off. Smoking a joint always feels like a nicer option than being a gibbering retard for the next hour while my brain attempts to process bad feelings.
If i could get proper help for the tism or whatever it is, I'd probably smoke less, but that's a fucking mission as an adult. I've been working on it for over a year now and only recently made any progress with the NHS.
>>8463 If possible I would highly recommend microdosing shrooms. I used weed for similar things, mostly to control my depression/mood dips but also to help me sleep in the evenings. Like you this pandemic is taking its toll on me which led me to be pretty much baked 24/7 until I had a break down. Then i started taking more shrooms. Microdosing shrooms has helped me kick weed for longer, or well, at the least the most I'll use is up to 0.3g of weed to help me sleep, and the shrooms also help massively in levelling my mood out. Can be a tad expensive to keep buying though but it's relatively easy to grow your own.
Have you tried the garden variety anti-depressants your GP will chuck at you? I know they're not the best thing in the world but they provide a window of stability (and numbness) that can allow you to develop more positive habits.
Issues like yours can probably be worked through by practice of mindfulness- That's more or less all the mental health services these days can offer people anyway, at least for depression/anxiety. The usual CBT therapy teaches you to re-train your mind into more healthy self-affirmational thoughts in a way not dissimilar to meditation. So maybe look into some breathing exercises and what have you.
Ultimately this might not be a permanent solution but if you're making progress with getting proper mental health help, it will at least keep you sane for the meantime, without having to smoke enough weed to turn yourself into a turnip.
Also, do you smoke normal fags and cut your joints with baccy? I know a few people who considerably cut down their cannabis usage when they quit smoking regular cigs because without realising, half of the feeling of compulsion was actually plain old nicotine craving. That might be a helpful way to start cutting down again.
Lockdown has done a number on all of us really. Feel free to come here and talk if you need to m8, it doesn't matter if you're spamming the thread for ten posts a day.
>>8464 I am very wary of any sort of hallucinogenic due to my grip on reality already being fairly flimsy, I hallucinate etc under high stress.
>>8465 Tried all of that yeah, was diagnosed with anxiety and depression years ago but it's clearly a bit more than that. CBT is very good for not letting small wobbles turn into big ones, but when a big one hits you out of nowhere. No amount of sensible thinking can overpower EVERYTHINGS FUCKED EVERYTHINGS FUCKED YOU USELESS LAZY PIECE OF SHIT KILL YOURSELF IMMEDIATELY in the way that weed does- with this sort of condition it is very enjoyable to have a means of immediately not giving a shit about anything.
I seem to have talked myself into the same corner I do every time I mention this to my GP- I would like to smoke less but right now I need what it does for my severely fucked brain.
>>8466 Oh and I did buy more weed. Sorry for being a useless cunt and letting the two of you down. To be fair, bossman said it tastes like chocolate and cures depression.
You see, what I was getting at with weed exacerbating anxiety is that you might not have such intense wobblies when you're not stoned, if you weren't constantly smoking. In my own personal experience, being high is a pretty tense feeling sometimes regardless, and I've never felt the "chilled out" kind of high most people tend to associate weed with.
For me it's always gone like this: Smoke a joint, immediately distract myself with videogames/a film/etc. If I don't do that, I will be invariably paralysed with inactivity for the next hour, because I'm busy staring off into space over-thinking every single conversation I had that day and biting off my knuckles because I only then realise how utterly cringe-worthy and embarrassing every word I said was, and how everyone sees right though my front and they know. They know.
I've basically ended up theorising that most people, who don't suffer from the same overt anxiety/paranoia that I do sober, won't notice this effect when they're high- But that that doesn't mean it isn't there. It's a well known side effect of smoking weed, but you usually stop noticing it once you've built up a tolerance- I just think it lurks beneath the surface instead of entirely going away.
I know that doesn't practically help you resist using it, but at least recognising that you might be stuck in a bit of a vicious cycle should strengthen your resolve. Maybe see if someone can get hold of some valium or similar to calm your nerves while you cut down, that seems to be your main obstacle; but I think reducing your dependence on the weed to begin with will have pretty beneficial effects in and of itself.
>>8466 >I would like to smoke less but right now I need what it does for my severely fucked brain.
I've been completely the same mate and I haven't had any CBT but recently found you can apply for it online now for free so I'll be getting it in the next couple weeks.
>>8468 That all makes sense and it's easy to say but I know exactly how this lad's going to feel when sober. It is unbearable and you only spiral, you're having to get high to save yourself, basically.
Completely agree with the rest you said though, studies have shown it can exascebate anxiety issues and you deinitely do need to address the feelings you're avoiding and find some kind of way to reduce your intake at the least, otherwise it just buries these feelings down into your subconscious and I swear it's what led to a breakdown for me because I got to the point where weed was doing nothing.
>>8468 See the weird thing is I have had a strain of weed that did that before, I realised and stopped smoking it, so I don't know if it's an indica vs sativa thing or some bollocks, I'm not one of these hipster weed apothecary types.
It mostly just makes my brain go from 200/mph to some kind of normal person speed, which is very nice. Maybe there is some residual anxiety, but it's certainly not as bad as the epic fucking shit fits I have off it. Is there not some kind of option to trade in my drugs budget for just a nice functioning brain that does the emotions thing properly?
Anyway, while I have ordered my poison, it won't be here for a few days, so here's hoping a brief patch of cold turkey will help me to start fresh with better habits. Like not smoking during the work day. Fucking WFH, it's a curse for potheads I tell you.
>>8472 I told the mental health assessment team that, it's very infrequent and I've always had it so they didn't seem too fussed. Just wasn't quite anchored properly to the planet at birth somehow. Is it that unusual?
