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>> No. 426868 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 5:49 pm
426868 Dream Thread Mk. II
Fitter when she was fat edition.

You know the drill lads. Here are a few helpful links in order to help you further your proficiency at dreaming, and hopefully elevate the quality of discussion about our nocturnal adventures:



Expand all images.
>> No. 426869 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:05 pm
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What's with the slag?
>> No. 426871 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:24 pm
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Looks like Scarlett Moffatt after fat camp weight loss counselling.
>> No. 426880 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 11:42 pm
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Well that one lad in /shed/ thread is going to be livid.

My latest dream was one of pure tedium. I was taking a shit and no matter how much I wiped, the paper/baby wipes I was using wouldn't come away clean. I ended up going in the shower and, well it got a lot worse from there. The smells involved were uncanny.

When I awoke, immediately rushed to bathroom to survey the damage incase I shit myself in my sleep, but it came away clean. We need a lad with a book for analysing dreams so we can get to the bottom of these things, iykwim. Aityd.
>> No. 426881 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:09 am
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I had a dream I wad a friendless NEET, with no motivation, a confused mind and no sense of purpose, and worst of all I can't wake up! LOL!
>> No. 426882 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:22 am
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Have a whinge there, cuz. We are ultimately the architects of our own hells, try harder. Discipline is key. No one wants to meditate twice a day, but if it helps them function they do it because that what it takes to feel like you live with purpose.

The only difference between you and 90% of the human population is discipline.
>> No. 426883 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:45 am
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I had a dream that I was at Techmoan's house and helped him film one of his puppet segments for his youtube channel.

But we couldn't agree on the script for the bit, and then he said to me, "Look, if you're going to be a tedious arse about it, then I'd rather you let me do this on my own, like I always do".
>> No. 426884 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 6:29 am
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oh wow, I've been having this exact recurring dream lately. WTF?
>> No. 426885 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 9:19 am
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Guess I'll die then.
>> No. 426886 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:03 pm
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Turn auto-capitalisation on, m9. Fuck sake.

Also, it's weird we've both had that dream. Do you suffer from a generalised anxiety disorder? I had assumed it might be an anxiety dream.
>> No. 426887 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:04 pm
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Guess you will.
>> No. 426888 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:26 pm
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I was watching this youtube video some young man with frizzy hair had made, it was a short creepy thing where he went down into some basement he shouldn't (looking for a valve to turn off something or other) and found a strange white-painted complex of tunnels and labs where there was one person (who looked like Juggarnaut made flesh, his shiny bald head domed down to his shoulders) doing all the roles of security, scientist and some exercises for some reason. He mainly just aggressively shouted at the youtuber to leave, which he tried but kept having these weird blackout flashes which would take him further into the complex. The strange man seemed to be playing all the roles at once so you'd see more than one of him at the same time in different positions like clones but still with the sense it was just the one person, hard to tell if there were two+ of him at once or the blackouts just made it seem that way. The video ended and the youtuber started explaining how he'd made it, given the actor directions and such but the blackouts kept happening and I was having hallucinations of the weird guy trying to come in through the window, sort of the way you do when you're half awake and having hypnogagic stuff happening in your real home. The video was called something to do with Everest, three-four words and one of them was Everest but I forget what. "The Steep Climb to Everest" maybe.
Then I woke up and the blackouts stopped.
Mainly notable because the whole thing was so note-for-note like a creepypasta someone might come up with.
>> No. 426889 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:56 pm
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I was walking back to my student flat, walked up the stairway and through the front door and there was some fat middle aged alco just lying half passed out on the floor inside. I tried to wake him and move him on and he shuffled slowly towards the door but I started to suspect there was more to this and accused him of trying to burgle us.
This flicked a switch in the guys mind as he'd been busted, turns out it was an act and he just improvised when I came in. After being rumbled he started throwing comically small knives at me, then left through the door and I chased him a bit until he produced a larger knife and then started chasing me. Through a gigantic shopping centre with cathedral like proportions and a buffet bar the size of a great hall, but with seating only around the walls.

Then later on this chubby chap returned in my dreams but this time I was in a 4 storey tall terrace house. Suspecting that there were burglars casing places along the road I switched the lights so that it looked like nobody was downstairs, then went and watched our front window. Sure enough the guy wandered past our living room window and sneakily checked it out, I caught him doing this then burst out the door and gave chase. He had throwing knives again but I managed to chase him around and down some alleyways where he then ran into his own home. So I broke into his home and had a knife fight with him. Can't remember the result.
>> No. 426893 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 11:55 pm
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All the talk about Scarlett Moffatt lately made me dream last night that I was sitting on her couch with her on the show Gogglebox and she was giving me a hand job under a blanket while we were watching TV and moaning about it. So I said, "are you sure your parents won't mind?", but then I looked and saw that there was nobody there besides the two of us.

So yeah, Scarlett Moffatt wanked me off on national TV in my dream last night. I can't remember if it was any good though.
>> No. 427133 Anonymous
27th May 2019
Monday 7:11 pm
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I was at work and a huge black man came in. One of my coworkers said "he's a big guy", then my manager and I said "for you" at the same time, then looked at each other and high fived for both knowing the epic Bane meme.
>> No. 427134 Anonymous
27th May 2019
Monday 7:54 pm
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I work with someone who said "You can't barrage the saville" on Friday, after informing us he'd voted for the Brexit Party. He's a pasty runt of a kid who is the butt of almost every joke so it doesn't surprise me at all that he's the type of person who visits /pol/ on Funchan.
>> No. 427664 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 11:56 am
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Using some sort of videogame interface for building roads and a petrol station in a small coastal village. Then there was a council meeting and someone complained that the roads were going right through some bird's nesting grounds. I stopped the construction works, we voted off the council the two blokes who were trying to defend them then wandered through the village until it got dark looking at ways we could make it more ecological and arguing the toss over how damaging the impact of doing so would be to the village economy but also how the people would be happier and healthier.
It was a beautiful place and as the sun was going down and we were walking back to the village hall, a girl with hyper-vivid eyes was firmly holding my hand.
That was a good dream I think.
>> No. 427666 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 12:23 pm
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I'm living in another country at the moment but still occasionally get "false awakening" type dreams where I'm still back home living in my parents.

It's disorienting and quite upsetting.
>> No. 427668 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 1:39 pm
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I keep having dreams again about arriving in Gran Canaria and driving my hire car from the airport to Playa del Inglés, like I always do when I am there.

The island beckons me again.

As soon as a few work related projects are completed, I will start looking at holiday offers again, with a view to spending another week or two there around late July or early August.
>> No. 427674 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 4:09 pm
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>>427134 "You can't barrage the saville" ... dunno what that even means but it sounds good
>> No. 427675 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 5:01 pm
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Word filters.

Also, learn to format your posts; they look atrocious.
>> No. 427676 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 5:42 pm
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I've read it as 'Euroseptic' initially and immediately thought that no good fortune ever comes out of such thing.
>> No. 427677 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 6:20 pm
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I swear to Christ if he mentions Gran Canaria again I'm going to sink the whole damned island.
>> No. 427680 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:09 pm
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I wish he'd say Las Palmas sometimes just to mix it up.
>> No. 427681 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:20 pm
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Las Palmas is only a small part of the island. City of about 390,000 on an island just slightly smaller than Greater London.
>> No. 427684 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:51 pm
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>City of about 390,000 on an island just slightly smaller than Greater London.

Right, well if I said I was off to Peckham for my holidays but ended up in Brixton, would anyone care?
>> No. 427685 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:58 pm
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> I said I was off to Peckham for my holidays

That'd be the point where I personally would stop caring.
>> No. 427686 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 8:03 pm
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What's the red sauce like in Peckham?
>> No. 427758 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 12:30 pm
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I had a dream that I was poring over some cost effectiveness numbers at work, and then suddenly my maths teacher from school appeared, looked at my calculations and said, "Wrong! That's all wrong! I know you had a scant grasp on maths in my class, but this is just embarrassing!"
>> No. 427759 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 12:48 pm
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I had joined the US army for some reason (despite not being a seppo), as a Second Lieutenant. We were moving into base, but it turns out the base was basically a static caravan park. I moved into mine, which for some reason had two floors, and found loads of leftover booze.
>> No. 427760 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 1:11 pm
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I dreamt I was eating KFC. I think it's because I've never eaten KFC in my life.
>> No. 427761 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 1:17 pm
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You're definitely not missing anything. The Zinger tower burger is quite good, but if you want a burger you should just go to a maccys or BK.
>> No. 427764 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 2:47 pm
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I had KFC for the first time in years a week ago and I was roundly disappointed. It wasn't my idea and I didn't want to get on my high horse about eating at local takeaways over multinational franchises, but... I never saw a reason not to and I wasn't convinced otherwise.
>> No. 427767 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 6:30 pm
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I like a KFC. As chain take-aways go, I think it's the one with the most actual flavour.

Maccies is better for overall variety and predictable, reliably mediocre but palatable food.

Burger King is... I don't even know what, these days. They cost twice the price and more often taste like the microwaved, cold, soggy bollocks they are. At least with Maccies it's always warm-ish, and tastes reasonably fresh.
>> No. 427769 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 6:56 pm
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Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards or succumb to their slightly underhanded upselling. Their meat is far superior in quality to McDs as well. It reminds me more of Five Guys than microwave meals.
>> No. 427770 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 7:27 pm
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>Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards
The students behind the counter don't get paid enough to haggle.
>> No. 427771 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 7:40 pm
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It's still muggery. They give you vouchers through their app, in exchange for your mortal soul and unborn children, and it takes the rip off of a seven quid bacon double cheeseburger down to a just about okay fiver. Same principle as Dominoes.

The meat is shite too, unless they've upped their game in the two or three years since I've found myself stuck in Sheffield train station and desperate.I remember it being much betyter when I was a child and teenlad, where it actually had that chargrill taste to differentiate it from the competition. But they seem to have started struggling from the mid '00s onwards.
>> No. 427796 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 12:30 pm
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If I'm having fast food then I'll usually go for Burger King as I haven't had anything else that tops their bacon double cheeseburger.

Poultry only really exists to bulk out meals like curries. Chicken burgers and chicken sandwiches are nothing snacks. Might as well be eating paper.
>> No. 427798 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 12:37 pm
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Chicken salads were the worst. It's like a little hors d'oeuvre that leaves you wanting ACTUAL lunch after.
>> No. 427811 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 6:09 pm
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>Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards
I only recently discovered their voucher-laden app; unless it is this, I don't understand where this discount you are alluding to is supposed to come from?
>> No. 427824 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 9:19 pm
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I'm up on my high horse and I'm telling you to eat at local takeaways!
>> No. 427825 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 9:27 pm
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I don't think I've ever had a burger from a local takeaway as nice as you can get from the likes of Burger King.
>> No. 427830 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 10:45 pm
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This is only viable advice for people who live within range of a takeaway that makes actually good burgers, and this is somewhat rare - most takeaway burgers and pizza are generic and straight from some corporation that makes frozen takeaway food anyway.

Moreover, most Burger Kings, Maccys, Papa Johns, etc are franchises anyway, so by boycotting them you're still only mostly taking money away from a local businessperson.
>> No. 427846 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:07 am
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Kebab vans/shops are where to get a nice burger. You can get cabbage on them.
>> No. 427847 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:57 am
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No takeaway save for proper chains do good burgers round my area. I'll use the term good burger loosely though since even the chains don't do that good of a job.
Most local takeaway burgers are some sorry excuse, some soggy and greasy sad looking mess that half the time is carbonised.
>> No. 427848 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 11:00 am
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>You can get cabbage on them.

Why? Why would you do that?
>> No. 427852 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 1:20 pm
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I'll concede burgers aren't my forte so perhaps buying local isn't worth it.
>> No. 427854 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 1:59 pm
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Adds a new dimension of flavour.
>> No. 427859 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 3:18 pm
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I was getting a haircut and sat down in the chair and then spotted an old issue of Time Magazine on the counter in front of me. The front page had a picture of Princess Diana on it, with the headline "Lady Diana - The smile that enchanted investors". 

I then said to the person cutting my hair, "Truly the biggest human tragedy that happened in those days". I then paused and said, "Oh wait... let's not forget September 11". 

My dream me has such an odd sense of perspective sometimes.
>> No. 427862 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 4:49 pm
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Yeah, but that dimension is cabbage.
>> No. 427863 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 5:10 pm
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Shredded white cabbage is quite nice on a burger. It has the crispness of iceberg lettuce, but it doesn't immediately go limp on contact with the hot beefy poz load and it has some actual flavour. There's nothing weird about raw cabbage in coleslaw, so why is it weird on a burger?
>> No. 427864 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 5:14 pm
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>There's nothing weird about raw cabbage in coleslaw, so why is it weird on a burger?

Because a burger and coleslaw are two different things. Or, to put it another way - there's nothing weird about pooing in a toilet, so why is it weird on your mum's face?
>> No. 427865 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 5:27 pm
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And yet coleslaw is often a vital part of a more upmarket burger, possibly the sort with pulled prokaryotic and some BBQ sauce to contrast it.

Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face, but altogether arousing on a low class prostitute.
>> No. 427866 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 6:20 pm
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I dream of work. Help me.
>> No. 427867 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 7:45 pm
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Have you tried having a hobby?
>> No. 427868 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 9:33 pm
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Work is a fantastic escape from real life.
>> No. 427869 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:51 pm
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>Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face

Depends on the lad's mum.
>> No. 427874 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 9:36 am
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In some cases they're one and the same.
>> No. 427875 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 9:47 am
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I'm notifying HR about the direction this thread has taken.
>> No. 427914 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:56 am
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Hereditary Redheads?
Hosiery Recruits?
Heretic Romanians?

Coat gotten.
>> No. 427934 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:03 pm
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I was shooting people again. A Steyr with a weird red dot sight device that also provided magnification.
There were some good 800 metres between me and my targets. I remember having to compensate for the distance.
No idea what to make out of this. It was fun.
>> No. 427996 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 1:14 pm
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I got called out. I fucked up (in real life), and haven't had the chance to apologise yet. All my dreams have been about it, but in one of them I did and then the guy just went "you don't get apologising, do you?"
>> No. 427997 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 1:21 pm
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What did you do?
>> No. 427998 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 2:15 pm
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Did you kill anyone?
>> No. 428001 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 2:21 pm
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Did it involve an iPhone?
>> No. 428005 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 3:26 pm
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Dreamlad is cancelled.
>> No. 428409 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 12:15 pm
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I had a dream last night that I was finally standing up to a school bully who made a large part of my two or three last years of school a big nightmare. I was finally giving him all the smart comebacks without a hint of fear that I would never have been capable of back then. And then at the end, I threw him to the ground in some sort of surprise martial arts combat tactics move and said to him, "Now you listen to me, and listen good. You're done bullying me for all eternity, or I'll come and set your house on fire and fuck your sister from here to next Tuesday".

I would've given anything to have been able to do something like that for real back then.
>> No. 428516 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 6:00 pm
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Dreamed about buying plants. Was quite pleased to find a number of cheap succulents to keep around the house.
More noteworthy is that it's a house I've dreamed about three or four times now. As far as I'm aware it doesn't exist or at least I've never seen or been in it but the décor and layout is largely the same every time I dream about it.
>> No. 428576 Anonymous
7th July 2019
Sunday 1:42 pm
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There is nothing wrong with spending the day buying succulents for around the house. I like your dream and might follow it today.
>> No. 428647 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 11:19 am
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I dreamt about travelling up norf to watch a Crystal Palace vs Liverpool match. I ended up rubbing the Crystal Palace fans the wrong way and was inadvertently IRL trolling them, but I was well received by the Liverpool supporters.

I don't even like football but I have been thinking about moving somewhere up north for the cheaper cost of living and lebensraum.
>> No. 428650 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 2:07 pm
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>up norf
>Crystal Palace

You Southerners sure are funny.
>> No. 428651 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 3:13 pm
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Lad. Croydon is south of the river, even we know it is south, he is obviously talking about where the bike theives live in the suburbs of Manchester.
>> No. 428662 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 11:02 pm
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Croydon Facelifts are the only noteworthy thing to come out of Croydon.
>> No. 428718 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 12:36 am
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I was an extra in a film, I was playing a Polish POW in WW2, being held by the Germans in what was basically a big shallow ditch. The set was in the middle of the countryside. I was the only one there and the only German guard actor was just milling about. An Irish girl who wasn't in the film but was basically Saoirse Ronan kept coming over to talk to me. I've been in love with Ronan since she held a baby at the Turner Prize a few years ago. I mention that too often.

Later the guard was changed to a Red Army one and Not-Ronan warned me he was dangerous because he'd actually been a camp guard. He kept shoot his PPD-40 randomly, it was specifically that gun, but neither of us were especially bothered by the firing, just faintly suprised.
>> No. 428719 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 1:47 am
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Slightly tangential, but how does one pick up extra work? I saw the Game of Thrones documentary earlier on and I was inspired to go stand in a field while being filmed.
>> No. 428720 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 2:56 am
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Is that the gun that was OP as fuck in the first Call of Duty?

I feel like there's loads of variants and I'll look like a knob for not knowing the precise model of a firearm on the internet.

Ah fuck I've got to google it now. Nevermind.
>> No. 428723 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 8:18 am
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Starnow is the best place I think.
>> No. 428725 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 1:41 pm
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AFAIR there was no PPD in CoD 1.
PPSh, yes. It's a similarly looking SMG. I don't recall it being particularly over-powered. The 64-round magazine was the dog's though.
>> No. 428728 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 5:31 pm
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Be aware that a lot of productions have the idea that even though they're taking up your time and just standing around is quite literally the job, they're not going to pay you to just stand around.
>> No. 428729 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 7:51 pm
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What's your point? Always check your contract? Get specific instructions about the role?
>> No. 428733 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 9:15 pm
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An awful lot of background work is unpaid, and "think fast, Malkovich" is unlikely to fly these days.
>> No. 428845 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 9:51 pm
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One of my mates was an extra on Eastenders once. I think all he had to do was walk through a shot in the background of a scene about a dozen times until they got that scene right. I'm not sure if he actually got paid, but he did say he was allowed to eat as much of the on-set catering as he wanted. And apparently the catering was really good there.
>> No. 428846 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 11:06 pm
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Food on sets is a bit of a minefield. Strictly speaking, catering is the meals, and for some reason probably lost to history the stuff in between is "craft service". There's a definite pecking order for catering - talent, principals, senior crew, junior crew, background. Craft is a bit more variable, where sometimes you'll have separate spreads and sometimes everything will be laid out in one. BBC productions need to be mindful that they're handling public funds, so it's not a good look for them if extras who are in effect paying for the food don't get to eat it.
>> No. 428852 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 12:32 am
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> so it's not a good look for them if extras who are in effect paying for the food don't get to eat it.

Would you say that private-television productions are more strict with their free food then?

I want to play my cards right if I ever want to start a side career as an unpaid extra.

Speaking of, whatever happened to those web sites where you can advertise your private car to production companies in the hope that they will hire it for a shoot? I put my old MkI Golf GTI on one of those sites back in the day, about ten years ago, but then that site suddenly just disappeared completely from the web and I never heard from them again. It didn't me cost anything to have my car listed with them, but still...
>> No. 429941 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 4:57 pm
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Why do I keep having dreams about witnessing a plane crash?

It's always a similar dream, I'm watching a plane flying overhead from the ground, and then I think, oh boy, this doesn't look good, and then the plane starts losing altitude and nose dives into the ground. Sometimes, I am only able to save myself from the falling plane or debris just by a hair's breadth.

Last night, I was watching a B-2 delta wing nuclear bomber dropping out of the sky and then cartwheeling across the ground, and it came to a screeching halt with one of the wings vertically sticking up in the air a good 50 feet. It almost looked like the ending of the movie Independence Day. And it again just narrowly missed me.
>> No. 429942 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 5:03 pm
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Do you consume a lot of post-apocalyptic fiction? I've noticed that when I play DayZ for too long I'll have dreams about being ambushed by 12 year olds with M4's.

I would imagine you have anxiety about it, so your subconscious is like "See? You survived. Get over it."
>> No. 429949 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 7:57 pm
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> being ambushed by 12 year olds with M4's

Sounds like an average day in Birmingham.
>> No. 431763 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 9:12 am
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Dreamed I was out picking litter with my new folding litter picking stick but it was feeble and crap compared to my non-folding one. This may prove prophetic.
>> No. 431764 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 9:19 am
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M4 goes to Bristol ladm8.
>> No. 431765 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 10:12 am
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I woke up in the dream this seems to happen to me a lot, is that uncommon? this morning and I'd become the spitting image of Harry Maguire; full slab head. Like in The Metamorphosis and just like that book I don't know what happened next because I stopped dreaming/reading.
>> No. 431766 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 10:45 am
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> litter picking stick

Are you serving a community sentence, m7?
>> No. 431770 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 11:23 am
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No, it's just a nice thing to do. I find it meditative too.
>> No. 431793 Anonymous
28th October 2019
Monday 2:37 pm
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I had a dream that I spotted Boris Johnson on a bicycle here in Manchester. I then ran after him and managed to push him off his bicycle, and shouted at him, "Piss off back to London, you bike wanker!!"
>> No. 431840 Anonymous
29th October 2019
Tuesday 10:26 pm
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Glad there's someone else out there doing this. Crack on mate.
>> No. 431845 Anonymous
30th October 2019
Wednesday 12:09 am
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A few people have stopped me to ask where I got the stick so there's some hope.
>> No. 431846 Anonymous
30th October 2019
Wednesday 1:32 am
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My Dad made a grabbing stick out of bike parts and Lignum Vitae, such was his fascination with the implement, and his manful determination to work the most frustrating wood ever.

I hope that stick ends up in a museum in a few thousand years.
>> No. 431848 Anonymous
30th October 2019
Wednesday 7:31 pm
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>manful determination to work the most frustrating wood ever.

I feel his pain.
>> No. 431856 Anonymous
31st October 2019
Thursday 3:02 pm
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>My Dad made a grabbing stick out of bike parts and Lignum Vitae, such was his fascination with the implement, and his manful determination to work the most frustrating wood ever.

You're not Brian May by any coincidence, are you?
>> No. 431979 Anonymous
7th November 2019
Thursday 9:35 am
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I had my first-ever dream about zombies last night.
>> No. 432270 Anonymous
29th November 2019
Friday 11:31 am
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I had a dream last night that I had been arrested, and the officers were all pissing themselves laughing at whatever it is I had done, but I had no recollection whatsoever of the event itself.

I think it may help any sort of interpretation to add that I will be two years sober in January, and I have the occasional using dream. This may be a thinly veiled one.

Whatever i did, I hope it was worth the embarrassment.
>> No. 432275 Anonymous
29th November 2019
Friday 1:08 pm
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I've had dreams of zombies coming through my back door ever since i was a teenlad.
>> No. 432286 Anonymous
29th November 2019
Friday 8:44 pm
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>I've had dreams of zombies coming through my back door

Stop watching zombie gay porn then.
>> No. 432386 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 12:27 pm
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Never underestimate a good necrolove and cherishing.
>> No. 432391 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 3:44 pm
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I've genuinely had a lot of sex dreams about Emily off of In The Flesh.
>> No. 432397 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 4:41 pm
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Get her down tanning salon for a few sessions and she'd be a right bobby dazzler.
>> No. 432402 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 9:47 pm
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Right, nothing beats a healthy tan to bring out a lass's natural beauty.
>> No. 432675 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 3:28 pm
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Had a dream last night that I was having a wank on my girlfriend's laptop, and then I suddenly heard her coming home, and was then frantically trying to find the browser's menu option that let you delete your browsing history. I somehow couldn't figure it out, and then when she came up the stairs and into the room, I woke up.

>> No. 432681 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 5:55 pm
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I'd be more concerned about how to wipe away the spoff from the keyboard.
>> No. 432683 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 6:13 pm
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I didn't even get to that in my dream, because as I said, I heard her coming home right in the middle of things.

In real life though, I've always insisted on me and my partner having separate computers. Most of the time, I was able to justify it by saying I had confidential work stuff on it and didn't want it to be compromised by some virus that she'd carelessly download without knowing. But of course one reason was also that I didn't want a girlfriend to find out my online wank habits. Or that I even had any.

It's a good idea to also use secure erase tools if you want to be sure. I used to have one of those installed on my computer, it let you wipe your deleted files with as many passes as you liked (although one pass is normally enough, and everything else is just voodoo). Because there is also software that can look for deleted images on your hard drive and scan them for colour values within a file that resemble a person's skin. Then again, I'm told it performs best on pictures of white Europeans and Asians, and struggles to make out black women, or men. So if your preference is mainly that way, you might be able to escape detection.
>> No. 432684 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 6:20 pm
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Why do you care so much about your girlfriend knowing you wank/what you wank to? She definitely knows you wank, because everyone does, and I'd hope she knows a bit about what you're into so you can share a fulfilling sexual relationship.

I just leave all my tabs open and leave the laptop unlocked so my girlfriend has no doubt in her mind that I definitely want her to sit on my face and shove things up my bum. Why live any other way?
>> No. 432685 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 7:47 pm
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I've had both extremes of partners, one slightly psycho lass who wanked me off with a big grin on her face while making me tell her my kinkiest porn fantasies that I had never told a single soul before, and the other extreme of a lass who could get unusually jealous when I looked at women in bikinis on TV for too long. So my bottom line has been for a long time, the best thing is a don't know - don't tell way of dealing with it. My tastes in porn aren't anything outrageous (or illegal), I just feel more comfortable keeping that facet of my sexual tastes to myself.
>> No. 432848 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 7:50 pm
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Bit of a weird one last night. I was a contestant on I'm a Celeb, and the other contestants kept asking me why I was part of the show, and told me they had never heard of me.
>> No. 432860 Anonymous
19th December 2019
Thursday 9:27 am
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I dreamt that I was thinking of things to purchase with a gift card and then I went for a walk around Doncaster admiring all the Georgian architecture that I think my brain completely fabricated.

Thanks, lads.
>> No. 433422 Anonymous
4th January 2020
Saturday 7:38 am
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I was standing at the sinks in a hotel, which were in a room adjacent to their public toilets. A man came in with his two sons and I told them to avoid the shit someone had left protruding upwards on the floor; the eldest son, in his late teens, almost stood in it. I then made small talk with them, something about getting the receptionist to bring a jug of drinking water. The man then started berating his kids for blowing a sales opportunity. It turned out he was a children's author and he had a number of his books strapped to his body underneath his jacket; they looked like very simplistic Biff, Chip & Kipper books but with a massive review on the front claiming the author was better than Roald Dahl. The text underneath was so small that I couldn't see who that quote was attributed to. Then I works up.
>> No. 433461 Anonymous
6th January 2020
Monday 1:41 pm
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Last night I had a dream that I was driving down a motorway and got to a city whose name I somehow couldn't make out on the signs, and then I was in the city centre, and it quite comically had a dual carriageway bridge running right across its town square where all the quaint little shops were. I told some of the locals that it looked peculiar, but they just said, "Oh, don't mind that, it's just what we're known for here". I then started wandering around the city, and then when I eventually wanted to get back to my car, I realised that I had no clue what the name of the street was where I had parked it, so I then kept asking people if they'd seen my car by any chance.
>> No. 433646 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 3:25 pm
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I was in some sort of shakespearian/dickensian village, watching the Cratchit familys joy at inheriting a whole load of money.

The best part was while i was hiding in someones castle, watching a group of people conspire against Nancy, when one of the members began placing gigantic wheels of cheese on top of the wardrobe where i was hiding. I ran when they saw me, shouting "you enjoyed it, well i cum in it!" This absolutely hillarious joke woke me up in a fit of laugher.

Something about a big sweaty, moulding cheese ripe for a dicking.
>> No. 433899 Anonymous
23rd January 2020
Thursday 7:20 am
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I had a dream that people were experimenting with VR. Babies would be implanted with VR headsets from birth to see what would happen. Children had one-to-one schooling from a VR teacher; at playtime they were told that they'd go out and interact with other real children at the VR school but they were all actually simulations. Parents could choose 'character building' events to happen each term, such as being confronted by the school bully.

If there wasn't a sci-fi book along these lines, or at least a number that touch upon them so Black Mirror could poorly plagiarise it, I'd be surprised.
>> No. 433910 Anonymous
23rd January 2020
Thursday 9:13 pm
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The following is likely inspired by doing a 2000 word essay on reddit about Roadside Picnic and watching the No Russian mission video.

Also, quitting daily weed smoking. Last time I did this, in January last year, I got those incredibly vivid, memorable, and consistent dreams every night for a week at least.

This time I've had 3 in a fortnight, rather disappointed.

The Dream

Most enjoyable one was moving into student halls that was a circular tower in the middle of London. My quadrant overlooked Canary Wharf. I was JD from Scrubs and Turk was my roommate. There were 3 beds, a door at each side wall leading to the next quadrant, and a door leading to the centre. I remember enjoying the view, it was lovely. Probably on the 20th floor or something.

Turk and all went out, I stayed in. There was a flash in the sky, and as I looked out, I saw everyone sprinting for the nearest buildings. Only they were also attacking anyone trying to leave their buildings, tackling and piling on them, biting etc. Very 28 Days Later, but there's no reason for that to be in my recent memory, so I think it was incidental.

I locked the central door, but there were no locks on the side doors, or at least I couldn't see them. I heard noises from the left side, and ran to the door, and heard Turk screaming my name. I then noticed there was indeed a lock, but was hesitant.

Turk crashed in, jumped me, and bit me. I blacked out.

I woke up in third person view, and saw myself as JD with the head of a blue cat, styled like the gold/red Asian cat statues you see around. Turk was sitting beside me and we were talking normally.

Everyone who had been outside recovered from their aggro state and was completely normal again, and everyone who they had bitten had become an animal looking mutant, a la Monkey of Roadside Picnic.

That was basically it, there was a second phase but I was me as me again. I remember hiding behind some curtains in a room, but my face protruded through. The family I was looking at saw me, and the dad threw me through a thin wooden wall. Not really sure about that part, but anyway.

The view from that tower was entrancing, and the terror of watching everyone go mental and sprinting full pelt was exhilarating. Hope I remember that for a while.

The Nightmare

Then last night I had my first nightmare in...idk, 7 years? I generally have quite exciting/scary dreams, but they're always fun and are fond memories when waking up. This was not that.

I was sleeping at my girlfriend's, and then in the dream I was also sleeping at my girlfriend's. I'd taken 20mg valium before going to bed, and in the dream I'd also taken that before going to bed.

However, in the dream I was woken up by my lass as 'Some people had come round for a few drinks'. It was a small party, really chill, pleasant. And then my boss, who I dislike for several reasons but have been getting on with well recently, turns up outside as he lived on the floor above - this was the first thing that wasn't realistic, I know he lives miles away, so I assume I was completely immersed in this dream at this point, as it didn't trigger any alarms.

A colleague of mine, and his parents, were in attendance, and my boss pushed the father. I then grabbed his arm and shouted at him, he tried to push me and was mouthing off, and then I punched him in the face.

I then 'woke up', there was blood on my chest from a deep cut below my right pec. I 'fell back asleep', and was back at the party. Everyone was telling me that I was fucked, I felt fucked, I knew I was going to get fired and I experienced a dread that I've not felt in years.

A girl took me aside and offered me a Q of weed, saying 'you're going through some shit, don't tell my girlfriend (who was a dealer) that I gave you this on the cheap'. I squirreled it away somewhere, and went back to the party with her.

As we sat in a circle chatting, I somehow let slip that that had just happened. She looked at me with such disappointment, and her girlfriend/the dealer was furious with her. They left, as did most of the other people.

I 'woke up' again, no blood this time, and then 'fell asleep' again.

It gets a bit wonky from there, but the rest of the dream was filled with dread and shame.

I then actually woke up to the alarm, and looked at my chest, and was feeling full on dread and shame. I had to confirm with my girlfriend that we had gone to bed and woken up and nothing had happened inbetween. I realised my boss lived miles away, and that clocked me on to the fact I wasn't going to get fired, but it took a good ten minutes for that to alleviate.

In Summary

Try getting addicted to weed then quitting, you have awesome dreams.
>> No. 433971 Anonymous
27th January 2020
Monday 11:56 pm
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I was on another flight to South Africa, where I actually spent two weeks in 2017, but suddenly the plane landed in Agadir, Morocco. So then I asked a flight attendant, "What are we doing in Agadir??", and he said, "The pilot just thought it would be a nice stop to get out and enjoy the scenery". And then I said "Oh you're having a fucking laugh", but sure enough, there were then coach buses parked alongside the plane, and we were told that we were going to go see the Atlas Mountains. I then somehow said to somebody, "This all looks like Ben Nevis!". After a hike up and down the side of a few mountains, I said to the others, "We have to get back, or we'll miss the plane!". Then I woke up.
>> No. 433979 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 3:35 pm
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I think I just had a very .gs vision of the apocalypse, wherein my favourite mug had chunks missing and it was really windy outside. Woke up before I could check the state of the shed.
>> No. 434018 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 6:22 pm
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I was at some huge indoor paintball tournament thing, but there were no teams organized, you just turned up and tried to find a team.

There was some chap sitting down drawing very stylized llamas and chickens on square paper so that they could be cut out and tessellate nicely. Like the llama's neck would poke up into a gap in the chicken (ooer).

There was some kind of monorail to go somewhere else, and there was a special machine to control it, and only I or another chap could control it, but I don't remember why or how. I think we were on the monorail to escape from the paintball tournament for some unknown reason.
>> No. 434464 Anonymous
16th February 2020
Sunday 10:37 pm
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Had a dream where I was snogging Sarah Millican, of all people, and then things sort of progressed from there, and she said, "You won't mind shagging a Geordie, will you?"

Right. That would be my main reservation in that situation.
>> No. 434472 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:41 pm
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I don't understand why you'd have any reservations.
>> No. 434473 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:52 pm
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Right. What's not to love about her.
>> No. 434474 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:52 pm
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Her baps have gotten bigger.
>> No. 434475 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 6:15 pm
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I don't think they have. I think they've just shifted from the right to the left.
>> No. 434485 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 8:23 pm
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>> No. 434489 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 10:10 pm
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I think she's ruined custard for me now.
>> No. 434493 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 8:19 am
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I'd ruin her custard IYKWIM
>> No. 434494 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 11:46 am
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>> No. 434495 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 11:51 am
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Great. Now you've ruined that for me too.
>> No. 434498 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 1:39 pm
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>> No. 434499 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 3:09 pm
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>> No. 434500 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 3:43 pm
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>> No. 434531 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 3:39 am
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This needs to be a wordfilter for something, I just don't know what yet.
>> No. 434534 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 10:27 am
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Almond milk.
>> No. 434538 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 12:47 pm
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Aren't word filters supposed to block out annoyingly overused words on .gs? When was almond milk annoyingly overused on here?
>> No. 434539 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 12:53 pm
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Sometimes the mods will do it if you just ask them nice enough.
>> No. 434544 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 1:47 pm
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I'd drink Almond's milk IYKWIM.

It's OK, I'm on PrEP
>> No. 434545 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 2:10 pm
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I did a one I think is hilarious but nobody else will.

At least it didn't brick the site this time
>> No. 434547 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 2:42 pm
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That one works well. Confused about the one beneath it.
>> No. 434550 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 5:36 pm
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I dreamed of an intense loving sexual encounter with my very own brother, then a less intense sexual encounter with someone representing my mother - she chastised me for touching her hairy leg from under a trouser leg. Thankfully both dreams were dry. The brother one was extremely intimate - i won't be forgetting that one for a while and in honesty i think i might treasure the memory.

These type of dreams aren't rare occurances - i hope that's the case for many other people.
>> No. 434552 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 5:48 pm
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Dream people don't know how good they have it. There are lots of us that very rarely if ever knowingly have dreams. Fortunately I've recently discovered that LSD can be rather effective at inducing experiences that would be at home if described in this thread. Obviously I'm not best placed to judge, but I imagine LSD experiences can surpass to some extent even the most vivid of dreams.

What the likes of Hicks and everyone else say about it and its enhancement of artistry is so obviously true.
>> No. 434565 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 8:40 pm
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I'm on mirtazapine for anxiety and sleep disorder, and I have pretty fucking brilliant dreams every night. Mirtazapine messes with your brain in a way that isn't yet fully understood, but lets you experience very vivid and realistic dreams that you will remember in great detail the next morning.

The downside is when you wake up after a really nice dream and have to realise that even though it felt so real, it was just your imagination. So you kind of start the day on a down note for a bit when it's things like you were shagging somebody really hot in your dream, or you won the lottery. I've had both of those dreams just recently.
>> No. 434571 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 10:10 pm
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>I'm still dreaming
>> No. 434598 Anonymous
20th February 2020
Thursday 10:45 am
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My dream brain seems to be convinced I own a terraced house somewhere. I've been dreaming about it occasionally for a couple of years now. It's become a bit derelict as obviously I don't live there myself but last night someone was advising me to get a small farm grant (?) from the government that would come to about 40k and as long as I did some minimal lip service to qualify it as a "farm" I could spend the rest on doing it up. It's a slightly weird property but remarkably consistent from one dream to the next.
>> No. 434679 Anonymous
21st February 2020
Friday 8:02 pm
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I was being held prisoner by the North Korean government along with a few other westerners. For political purposes we were kept in relative comfort, only having to attend classes on Juche and perform strenuous agricultural work for nebulous socialist reasons.

Sooner or later I knew we would be transferred to one of the labour camps when the public interest back home died down. Then I'd die when one of the guards fancies smashing a foreigners head in. I also knew that if I was caught trying to escape I would be moved to a labour camp anyway. My conundrum was do I try my luck trying to escape or do I at least stay in the warm for a little while longer.

Seemed rational to try and run early when the guards wouldn't expect it and maybe I'd just get shot on my feet.

What kind of farm are you thinking? Are you going to buy a load of chickens to live in the house like a giant chicken coop and slowly close rooms of the house off as you fix them up?
>> No. 434680 Anonymous
21st February 2020
Friday 8:04 pm
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Weird coincidence this just came up on the BBC website:
>> No. 434709 Anonymous
22nd February 2020
Saturday 12:13 am
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Where is her picture? I can't evaluate whether the story is worth reading without knowing if she was worth betraying his employer.
>> No. 434981 Anonymous
29th February 2020
Saturday 11:16 am
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A manager from had gone to california for a wedding
and come back.

I'd gone on holiday there the next week. I'm walking along, and overhear two brits talking about the manager, and it turned out they were the couple who got married.

Went to a party later with them and maybe some other people i know. things got a bit weird and the couple commited suicide by jumping into a river in the garden at this party, and drowning.

Turns out they were fine and a friend had slipped me some acid. Sissy acid he called it, because it wasn't very strong.

Later I'm down at the tip of california, railyards and stuff, and some disused ramshackle flats. For some reason I'm wandering about the flats, checking if any of the electricity supplies and appliances still work. Turns out my dad is living next door in a slightly less ramshackle place.

I'm with some old friends out and about somewhere. I go for a piss and I'm pissing at this urinal. Then this cleaning lady tells me to stop because of maintenance or something,
and I start to hover off the ground by a few feet. I hovered outside to a lobby, and no-one seemed that suprised or that bothered. After a few minutes I landed.
>> No. 435123 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 1:40 pm
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I dreamed that i woke up in the dark and felt the cool air on my back as i sat up. Stumbling to my feet and over to the wall, i felt the burn of light from beneath my eyelids as i hit the light switch. I Turned around, open my eyes and saw my bed laid open before me. Suddenly i found myself back in bed, waking up in a dark room. This process repeated 3 times, each thinking "i'm definitely awake now".

During this/these dream/s i found it very difficult to move and breath. The fourth time i managed to fully wake up and put the radio on, seemingly breaking the cycle. It was really weird.

Does anyone actually read these or is it just a thread for datamining our psyche?
>> No. 435126 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 3:41 pm
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> Does anyone actually read these or is it just a thread for datamining our psyche?

Well my dream about shagging Sarah Millican from the other week seemed to draw actual interest from otherlad, and gave us a new but slightly obscure word filter.
>> No. 435199 Anonymous
8th March 2020
Sunday 6:59 pm
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To be honest I only just realised this was the dream thread and that the one with the lads from the Fosters ads had died. Whenever I see the picture of the bird on /*/ I just assume it's from /x/ and scroll past.
>> No. 435206 Anonymous
8th March 2020
Sunday 7:47 pm
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And thus my fight against the closure of the fosters thread is validated.
>> No. 435245 Anonymous
9th March 2020
Monday 7:26 pm
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>and that the one with the lads from the Fosters ads had died.

It's sort of been retired, I think I saw it on page two or three of /b/ a few weeks ago. You could probably still post in it, but then incur the wrath of the mods who will tell you that we can't have that sort of thing.
>> No. 435551 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 7:04 am
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When I was 14/15 there was a lass who fancied the pants off of me but I was rather oblivious to the whole thing. On reflection I'm not entirely sure how as, at one point, she decided we were girlfriend and boyfriend; I really was as thick as shit back then and missed so many chances with the opposite sex. I can't recall having a crush on her but she was exactly the type of girl I'd go for.

Anyway, I dreamt last night that I didn't miss those great big massive fuck off signals she was sending my way and I hooked up with her. In other words, whilst sleeping next to my wife I spent the night dreaming about lots of shagging with a lass I haven't thought about in about 15 years.
>> No. 435552 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 11:49 am
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Dreaming about shagging 15yr olds is illegal in Britain.
>> No. 435553 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 12:31 pm
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Thinking about him dreaming about it is illegal too then. So you're both nicked, and so am I.
>> No. 435554 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 12:52 pm
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If you're also 15 in the dream then it's alright.
>> No. 435555 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 1:39 pm
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I had a dream that I was back in school and studying for my A levels, but I was doing them at the other school in my hometown, not my actual school that I went to. I kept telling people in my dream that it only made sense to go back to a different school, because I already knew what my old school was like, so where would the fun have been in that.

It was only when somebody asked me, "Do you think it makes much sense in the first place to retake your A levels in middle age?" that I thought, "Right, what am I doing here with all these kids half my age. Even a few of the teachers are younger than me!"
>> No. 435556 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 2:57 pm
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It's always the lasses you could've shagged by didn't that make the memories that haunt you.
>> No. 435557 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 10:31 pm
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Not necessarily. It's entirely possible that a lass that you shagged on a regular basis for four or five years can mess you up so badly that you'll never quite move on completely.
>> No. 435558 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 10:50 pm
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Apples and oranges. A lass you've been shagging for half a decade might give you nightmares and a lifetime or therapy, but a lass you managed to fuck up shagging will always have you thinking "what if?".
>> No. 435559 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 11:08 pm
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>but a lass you managed to fuck up shagging will always have you thinking "what if?".

I think that only becomes a real problem if you didn't shag many lasses to begin with. True, there's one lass that I keep thinking about, I really regret fucking things up on the two or three dates we had, because that's really what happened. I fucked up. But even though she had a body that was beyond anybody's wet dreams, and a nice enough personality as far as I was able to tell, there were enough other lasses in my life as a younglad to get over one botched date.
>> No. 435562 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:20 am
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>I think that only becomes a real problem if you didn't shag many lasses to begin with.

How many's enough? Every summer I'll have a dream about this girl or that. It's like the curse of colleague dreams only without the instantaneous removal of any tinted glasses when you next interact.
>> No. 435564 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:49 am
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I've shagged objectively too many lasses and I still think about the ones I missed.

I suppose for anyone in the healthy middle ground of bedpost notches you're probably right, though. For me it's like having all the pokemon in pokemon red except Bellsprout and you don't know anyone with Bellsprout.
>> No. 435565 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:24 am
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I'm pretty sure to some extent there's always an impulse for a bloke to shag more women. No matter how many you've shagged, more and new ones will play on your mind.

Personally I've got this annoying thing where whatever girl I'm currently in a relationship, I always have a rose tinted fantasy about fucking the previous ex. It always seems like the sex was better with the last girl, regardless of if it was or not, and I always have to fight down the lust and stop myself from texting them. It becomes an utter pre-occupation sometimes.

Nothing's ever easy is it.
>> No. 435566 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 9:10 am
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I remember one occasion where I was out at a pub with my then-girlfriend, and suddenly ran into my ex. We talked for a moment, as there was never bad blood between us, just the realisation that we were no good match at all when we broke up. Anyway, that night when my girlfriend and I went home, we had some of the best sex ever, at least as far as she was concerned. But the reality was, meeting my ex gave me that tingle in my groin, and I kept thinking about the sex I had with her, even while I was in bed with my girlfriend, so I was essentially shagging my girlfriend but phantasizing about my ex the whole time. Which gave me a proper stonk on, and which was probably the reason my performance that night was so pleasant for my girlfriend. But I never told her that, because it seemed like something that only would have hurt her. I just didn't want to take the illusion from her that it was all because she herself was such a turn on.
>> No. 435568 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:38 pm
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I find the fact you both know about fucking pokemon and shagged more lasses than I did utterly fucking depressing. In my day kids like you got stomped on in the playground and had your gameboys nicked.
>> No. 435569 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:43 pm
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As a lifelong virginlad, it's hard to not get huffy at people like >>435564, but then I have to remind myself that I'm the pathetic freak and everyone's problems are at different levels.

At least this year means that I can use the experience I have in being a lonely cunt.
>> No. 435570 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:24 pm
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If I was on my deathbed and someone asked me what I most regretted about my shagging career I'd have to say it was being too conscientious.

Sometimes I think I did the right thing, like the two virgin lasses I could have strung on for a few months even though I wasn't looking for the same level of commitment as they were. Other times I was simply a mug; staying faithful to lasses who were playing away behind my back, thinking myself virtuous for knocking back their mates and sometimes even their sisters.

Basically if god could leave me a birthmark spelling out "shag everyone you want and do all the drugs you can" next time around I'll probably have a happier life.
>> No. 435571 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:37 pm
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>As a lifelong virginlad

Not meaning to twist the knife, but I think a lot of late virgins struggle to lose their virginity because they overthink everything. Maybe that's true in your case also. And seeing yourself as a pathetic freak also doesn't help much.
>> No. 435572 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:42 pm
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At one point Pokemon was popular among the entire fucking school, nationwide.
>> No. 435573 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:56 pm
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The only games that were ever popular at my school were 10p up and nutmeg rush.
>> No. 435574 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:01 pm
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I know one lass who's still a virgin at 31, which probably seems unthinkable while Mars and Earth align but there you go - between being a bit of a salad dodger, concentrating on her masters and then her PhD, and having a checklist of deal breakers as long as your arm that's where she's ended up.

One of these days I'll forget to take my lithium for a week, have a sub-manic episode and finally go spelunking her lady cave. Then hate myself for a month.
>> No. 435575 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:03 pm
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I was 10 or 11 when Red and Blue were released here. Everyone had it. Everyone had the cards. It would have been weirder to not know about pokemon during this time at that age.

If it helps, I was still, underneath it all, miserable during most of my peak shagging (and drugs) years, I was just going too hard to notice. I was a fucking mess. I guess if I was honest I wouldn't change much, though, just maybe have a bit more down time.
>> No. 435576 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:06 pm
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Can you describe them to us?
>> No. 435577 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:11 pm
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10p up: A group of lads would throw 10p coins (or 20p if really wanted to up the stakes) at a playground wall. Whoever got their coin closest to the wall without bouncing back off it would win all the coins.

Nutmeg rush: A group of lads would kick a crushed coke can around with the idea of "nutmegging" someone (getting the can to pass between their legs). When someone was nutmegged they would run for their lives while everyone in the playground, whether they'd been playing or not would give chase like a fucking lynch mob. If you made it to the dinner hall you had "rushed" and were given reprieve, if you got caught you got seventeen shades of shit kicked out of you.

I think I went to school in a very different time and place to you young ossetlads with your gameboys and your pokemons.
>> No. 435578 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:12 pm
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I think you're exaggerating from your own experience there mate. I've always been into videogames, and was 11 when that Pokemon craze happened but I couldn't tell you anything much about it - JRPGs have never really done it for me, and the TV show was shite. I don't actually remember the cards, I thought that was Yu-Gi-Oh but I guess Pokemon did it too.
>> No. 435579 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:13 pm
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Well it didn't involve any sexual abuse so you're definitely weren't at Eton.
>> No. 435580 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:16 pm
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I could only tell you about Red/Blue and the TV show, and obviously I'm talking about my own experience, but my own experience was that everyone in the school was into it. They banned pokemon cards eventually because kids kept throwing piles of cards into crowds (we called them chucky outs) and injuries were sustained in the scrabble.
>> No. 435581 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:18 pm
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>10p up: A group of lads would throw 10p coins (or 20p if really wanted to up the stakes) at a playground wall. Whoever got their coin closest to the wall without bouncing back off it would win all the coins.

We had that but with some blind bag bits of plastic, little characters that I can't remember the name of - go go bones? something like that. The same game made exponentially more expensive and addictive through the magic of late 90s marketing.
>> No. 435583 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:44 pm
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>and having a checklist of deal breakers as long as your arm that's where she's ended up

That's probably her whole trouble. Plenty of young women are career driven and focused on their academic achievements, but they still find the time to have the odd shag or even a long-term relationship.

I think what happens while you are still a virgin, and this is also kind of true while you're still a teenlad or teenlass and thus haven't really missed the boat yet, is that you tend to over-idealise your perceptions of what a relationship or a partner should be like. A lot of virgins have quite stringent ideas about how they want their partner, or sexual mate to be. Most people, upon actually shagging someone for the first time and then spending some time with then, will then realise that all those ideas about the perfect mate tend to be just a bunch of tosh. You are going to have to make do with the kinds of mates you manage to attract, for better or worse, and make the best of it. Maybe you'll still find your soulmate who's also a rich supermodel and a famous doctor, but it's more than likely that you won't, ever, if that's your dream partner. And I guess that's just the one fundamental realisation that eludes many virgins, and keeps them from getting out there and just trying a few things.

I was slightly late to lose my virginity at age 21, but it indeed happened relatively quickly after I finally said to myself, sod it, nothing's gonna come from just sitting there dreaming about Ms. Right, I'm gonna go and see what's out there for me. And that's what then got me laid a good bit in the following years.

All those illusions that it has to be the perfect person for you or nobody can in the end very well result in there being nobody for you after all.
>> No. 435584 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:48 pm
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>go go bones
Thanks for that, I've often wondered what they were called.
>> No. 435585 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:50 pm
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A bit more research and I've found they were called GoGo's Crazy Bones
>> No. 435586 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:57 pm
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They're called that because the game was originally played with knuckle bones.
>> No. 435587 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:58 pm
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I don't think the ones I had were crazy bones. They were monsters. Slimy snotty looking ones. Some of them had a bit where you heated it up with your finger and it told you their score or something like that. I remember one that was like an alien monster vacuum cleaner.
>> No. 435588 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 4:02 pm
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Monster In My Pocket? Or Boglins? They were earlier. Weirdly I can remember their names easily.
>> No. 435594 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 5:54 pm
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You're evidently older than us then to be honest lad, nobody was bullying anybody for Pokemon when I was at school, because everyone was into it. Everyone.

There are people of a certain age (~2 years of my own, and I'm 30 this year) who I simply don't trust if they don't have intimate knowledge of Pokemon, be it the games, card game, or just the anime. It's like Harry Potter, nobody says they're a "Potter fan" unless they're a mentalist, but it's just taken as a given to be part of your shared cultural background.
>> No. 435600 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 10:22 pm
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It's not nice to remind people of their advanced years in times like this.
>> No. 435602 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 10:33 pm
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Yeah you're a good generation younger than me and probably went to a school with a lot less urban yootz. Good for you lad.
>> No. 435653 Anonymous
26th March 2020
Thursday 1:45 am
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One of you left a post that was also an envelope full of money for people to take as and when they needed it. I don't really need anything, but I liked the dream logic of being able to post a physical wad of cash onto the net, so I'm telling you all about it now.
>> No. 435688 Anonymous
26th March 2020
Thursday 11:56 pm
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Mike Nolan.jpg
I got a chuckle out of this picturing myself being paid for dreaming overtime - cash in hand.

I'd probably do overtime in my sleep if I could.
>> No. 435703 Anonymous
27th March 2020
Friday 7:16 pm
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I've recently been having dreams where I've been living entirely alternate lives.

The other day I woke up feeling like Arnold Rimmer in "Thanks for the memory" after having spent the whole night dreaming about a perfect girlfriend who never existed.

Last night I was dreaming that I was in uni as a foreign exchange student. Not only were all the popular birds dead into me and my ability to speak their language but I was training with and doing private lessons daily with one of my jiu jitsu heroes.

I don't think I have to get on the old ouija board to Sigmund to figure out what's going on in my subconscious lately.
>> No. 435961 Anonymous
5th April 2020
Sunday 11:48 am
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There will be a new internal barrier system on the London Underground. When you try to change line to get on Crossrail people are filtered based on two entry points:

1. If you have a HSBC card you can go right through by presenting the card at a special barrier.

2. Everyone else needs to download a package of quiz apps and complete one which will give you a limited time pass page to scan on the barrier. There's bit of an area set up for people to complete quizzes and no you can't just download one quiz app.

My quiz was rather complicated and the first question simply said 'Robert' when they meant Robert the Bruce while describing the Battle of Bannockburn. Everyone else seemed to pass their respective quizzes with ease and got on the next train leaving me behind. Even my ex-girlfriend, who I was travelling with, decided to meet me at the destination rather than hang around.

The more miffed I got the more questions I got wrong until I started to succumb to despair. When I finally finished, 15 minutes later, the barrier wouldn't scan my now miserable score and I needed to ask a patrolling transport policewoman to let me through.

I still rate the new Elizabeth Line 6/10 because it wasn't very crowded and actually a bit cold inside. This might be a workable system.
>> No. 435962 Anonymous
5th April 2020
Sunday 12:03 pm
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Almost wet my dream thinking about my mother, again. Thankfully I managed to supressed it, though it felt fucking incredible riding that sensation. I haven't even been abstaining from wanking recently - i don't know what's going on.

Once i got back to sleep i found myself briefly shagging a obese black woman, which was really nice. Shew was one of those soft looking females.

After that i found some kind of massive dry slug creature trying to claim too much territory from someone in my family. I decided 'fuck this', and proceeded to show it what for. It sucked onto my arm and began rasping blood from my flesh, which was managable, until i realised the more danger it's in the stronger it gets. And it got really fucking strong, to the point i thought i'd lose my arm. I can't remember how that part finished.
>> No. 435979 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 2:07 pm
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Somebody knocked on my door with a pen and clipboard and told me they were doing a survey on credit scores. At some point, I was then asked how I watch television, and how many hours a day. I told the lad that I've got Virgin broadband, and that it can be a good six hours a night at the moment, with not much else to do. I then asked, "What does that have to do with my credit score?", and he said, "It's simple. The more television you watch a day, the more it is assumed that you are unemployed, which then translates into points off your score".

It's not every day that there's subtle social commentary in my dreams.
>> No. 435980 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 2:11 pm
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I had to check we were in the dream thread because that's quite plausible.
>> No. 435981 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 2:53 pm
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I was helping my ex girlfriend and one of my mates who doesn't exist service their cars because all the garages are shut. There were some chavs who kept shouting at us because the lad who doesn't exist had secured his hub caps with cable ties. I told them to take no notice because they wouldn't come near us, but then they came over and started on us. I stood there and told the Head Chav he doesn't scare me, and there's nothing in the highway code about cable ties anyway.
>> No. 435983 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 7:43 pm
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>there's nothing in the highway code about cable ties anyway.
Much mirth.
>> No. 436065 Anonymous
10th April 2020
Friday 9:11 pm
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I organised a protest against the construction across the road from me, and was marching along with people in tow behind me while shouting how they should go home as they were non-essential and it's 6am on a fucking bank holiday, and all the people behind me suddenly charged in and completely trashed the site.

As I'd organised the protest, the construction company decided they were suing me for £14 million, plus a billion in damages. I woke up to the noise of construction and considerable confusion ensued.
>> No. 436098 Anonymous
11th April 2020
Saturday 4:43 pm
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I was on a plane with my parents and sister going to America. Suddenly the plane started falling and people were freaking out etc but I was eerily calm. At the last second the pilot fixed it or whatever and people were cheering. Then I woke up in a cold sweat.

Went back to sleep because I have fuck-all else to do. Had another dream where my cat lost three of its legs and its tail because I had left it outside to fend for itself. He seemed fine and wouldn't have actually been able to move about as easily as he was while that badly hurt in real life. I remember feeling so guilty. Woke up again.

Third attempt at sleep. Dreamt a good mate of mine from primary-school had killed himself, then my cousin had also killed himself. This is probably the least unrealistic of the three but also the most depressing.

When I went to bed I was hoping I'd dream about that Tulisa lass. Worse luck.
>> No. 436099 Anonymous
11th April 2020
Saturday 8:27 pm
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From what I remember all of my clothes had been eaten by moths. Everything. This has been on my mind today as it represents quite a conundrum - I couldn't just tell someone that all my clothes were eaten by moths because, of course, nobody would believe me.

That said, it's probably a good time for this to happen as I'd only need to pretend my work laptop's camera doesn't work for a day or two to keep my job. The main issue is that all the post and amazon packages are left on the landing of my flat building. I'd need to go collect my packages bollock naked in the early hours of the morning and hope nobody is up. Maybe if someone does catch me sliding down the banister like a sentient monorail I could pretend someone stole my clothes on a night out because, of course, nobody would believe the truth.

I think the lesson we can all take from this is to be a lot less sceptical of the reasons people give for being naked.
>> No. 436150 Anonymous
15th April 2020
Wednesday 1:08 am
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I had a dream that I was hanging about with a few mates, although none of them resembled anybody that I know in real life, and one of them said, "How about we nick a 747 and fly to New York!". I was reluctant to get in on the plan and said that I had to be in Brussels in two days. For some reason. But then we were at an airport, and sure enough, there were a few Boeing 747s parked there. So I said, how exactly do you just nick a 747? You don't just smash in the window and hotwire the ignition. But the lad said, "Better. You just get on board and take off. They don't have an ignition". So we got on the plane and actually managed to take off and go to New York. I kept saying that it was a bad idea, because surely they would throw us in jail upon arriving in New York, and then I'd never get to be in Brussels in two days.
>> No. 436277 Anonymous
21st April 2020
Tuesday 9:55 am
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I thought Stewart Lee had started getting into sim racing and had done a video with somone on YouTube about it, that someone already being a sim racer and all. However, I started watching the video and he was just face timing with Richard Herring and it had nothing to do with sim racing.

Awful dream, frankly. Waste of time.
>> No. 436377 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 1:18 am
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For the first time in a long time, I had a wet dream. I'm 35, so it was a bit weird, since I haven't had it for over a decade or so.

It was this Milf from some porno I watched from ages ago. Probably 8 years ago. I don't remember the whole thing, but before the end, I dreamt that we were both naked and oiled up for some reason, and she was hiding behind the coffee table because I somehow had a camera and she didn't want to be filmed. So when she relented, I went behind the coffee table with my camera, and the camera had some weird futuristic shit on it. It had three different mirrors, and I could get shots from 3 different angles at the same time.

Anyway, while I was fiddling with the camera, she grabbed my dick with her feet, and gave me a footjob (something I never done before, nor am I interested in) and I ended up blowing my load. But this was weird because it went off like a sprinkler and it was draining my energy and soul. So I fell to my knees and into her boobs like I just got shot, while my cum was coming down like fucking confetti. I then woke up to a mess.

Weirdest dream I have had in a long time. In fact, I can barely remember my dreams. This is what cumming while on meth must feel like.
>> No. 436381 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 11:49 am
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>I somehow had a camera and she didn't want to be filmed.. she relented .. 3 different angles at the same time.
Could this indicate a greater awareness (and use) of modern pornography? As if the production is far more valuable than the sex itself? I'm certinly noticing this in those tiktok mashups - greater than the sum of its parts, almost conceptual.

>blowing my load .. draining my energy and soul. I fell to my knees and into her boobs like I just got shot, while my cum was coming down like fucking confetti.
It's a grand exit tradgedy. Literally embracing that which threatens you. Giving up the fight, succumbing.

I'm wondering if you're concerned about your relationship with pornography and how it might be affecting your potential relationships with real people .. or am I projecting?
In other words; you've been watching those goon videos on pornhub again, haven't you?
>> No. 436667 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 8:06 am
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Fat Moffat > Thin Moffatt
Fat Adele > Thin Adele

It must be crushing to be a hefty lass to lose all that weight and the end result is that it makes your facial features look harsh and haggard without a bit of blubber softening them up.
>> No. 436668 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 8:42 am
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She looks absolutely lovely, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Happy for her.
>> No. 436669 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 8:58 am
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Her head and facial features are a bit too prominent.
>> No. 436670 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:04 am
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If I saw her without knowing who she is or what she looked like you'd have a hard time convincing me that's not an attractive 32 year old.
>> No. 436671 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:12 am
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Don't get me wrong, I'd still slip her one. However, she'd look better with a little bit more meat on the bones.
>> No. 436675 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:06 am
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They say that from a certain age, you can either have the body or the face. Extra body fat will accumulate also under your facial skin and can prevent it from wrinkling and sagging. Which is why fatties often have great skin in middle age. Also, fat tissue produces estrogen, which also makes skin smooth. But if you decide you want to be ripped in your 30s and 40s, then your skin will droop from the lack of fat tissue underneath it.
>> No. 436683 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:28 pm
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Fat Adele was a Rubenesque goddess, but thin Adele just looks like any other generic tart.

Also Fat Claire Richards > Thin Claire Richards.
>> No. 436684 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:44 pm
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This is the dream thread you nugget.
>> No. 436685 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:57 pm
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Look at the OP.
>> No. 436686 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:58 pm
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Officer down_158c63_6335192.jpg

>> No. 436687 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:59 pm
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Her tits aren't great, but that's a fantastic belly.
>> No. 436688 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:02 pm
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The most twisted post I've ever read on this damnable website. May God have mercy on us all.
>> No. 436690 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:04 pm
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Yeah a lot of women don't fill out nicely when they pile on the pounds and end up with rolls of fat, but her belly has expanded nicely.
>> No. 436691 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:28 pm
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We simply don't deserve nice things.
>> No. 436692 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:46 pm
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A lot of overweight women don't fill out nicely and they'll often end up with their belly splitting in two. Sometimes this occurs at the bottom of the ribs and sometimes this occurs at the belly button. On some occasions they end up with the 'triple rollover' whereby one roll covers from below the breasts to the bottom of the ribs, the second covers the bulk of the midriff and they have a lower roll, kind of like a pouch, which they tend to tuck into their knickers. If they're truly unfortunate the rolls start to divide vertically and starts to resemble an arse.

With this in mind we should truly appreciate Scarlett Moffatt's round tum.
>> No. 436693 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:50 pm
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We should also point out that Scarlett has achieved the holy grail whereby her breasts stick out further than her belly. This is the gold standard for the larger lady, but not many of them are able to achieve this feat.
>> No. 436694 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:17 pm
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The best thing I can say about her is that I don't find her fat belly repulsive the way that I do your picture. That doesn't mean I find it attractive, and I find quite odd the implication of some lads that it is.
>> No. 436695 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:20 pm
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You've got to have standards when it comes to fatties. You don't want any old porker. You want a nice round, full belly and a proportionately large bosom.

Disgusting rolls of fat and accompanied by proportionaley small breasts should be avoided at all costs.
>> No. 436696 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:32 pm
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I'd rather not have a fatty at all, but I seem to be almost alone here with that sentiment.

When did .gs become the Fatty Admiration Society.
>> No. 436698 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:41 pm
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You are not alone.
>> No. 436703 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 4:45 pm
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If it's got a pulse someone here will fuck it. Some will even shag Kuenssberg.
>> No. 436705 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 5:46 pm
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>Some will even shag Kuenssberg.

I didn't know Boris posted here.
>> No. 436706 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 5:58 pm
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>When did .gs become the Fatty Admiration Society.

I'd like to take credit for indoctrinating you all, but I think it happened when the panic buying started. Research indicates that men prefer fatter women during times of scarcity, probably for evolutionary reasons.
>> No. 436707 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:09 pm
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There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I'm considering a civil suit against .gs for the mental anguish and suffering caused by that poster who linked the video of Katy Brand dancing to Single Ladies.
>> No. 436709 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:29 pm
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Sorry, lad. The thighs give me a right filthy stonk on.
>> No. 436710 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:38 pm
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I don't mind slightly plump, but I'm not sure about those bellies.

That said, there is something about Lizzo.
>> No. 436711 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:42 pm
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I find it utterly incomprehensible that a heterosexual man wouldn't find that incredibly attractive. Her curves are so elegant and inviting in comparison to the stick insects at the back. Each to their own, I suppose.
>> No. 436712 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:43 pm
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> I don't mind slightly plump, but I'm not sure about those bellies.

A nice round belly is basically a third tit, and who doesn't like tits?
>> No. 436713 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:44 pm
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Every time I hear her being discussed it takes me a moment to realise they're not on about Newsround's finest.
>> No. 436715 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:19 pm
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>I find it utterly incomprehensible that a heterosexual man wouldn't find that incredibly attractive

Is that you, gaylad?

No, I don't find thunder thighs like that attractive. And there's no need to pretend that it's anything other than a fat fetish if you do.
>> No. 436717 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:36 pm
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Objecting to an excess of tit, arse and thigh does seem a bit like gayness-lite. I like tits and arse and thighs, why would I want less of them?
>> No. 436718 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:49 pm
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Yes, just take it from famed heterosexual Freddie Mercury:

>> No. 436719 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:50 pm
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I don't think we need to deconstruct tits, arse and thigh here as such. Fact is, most men of the heterosexual persuasion don't want to shag a fatty.
>> No. 436720 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:51 pm
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>a bit like gayness-lite

Stop astroturfing, he didn't mention the cock and he's not going to bum you.
>> No. 436721 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:54 pm
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Freddie didn't fully convert to cock though. He still shagged a few women now and then, just for good measure.
>> No. 436722 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:55 pm
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>Fact is, most men of the heterosexual persuasion don't want to shag a fatty.

You better have proof to back up such a wild statement.
>> No. 436723 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:00 pm
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This is thicc. Anything bigger than this is fat. I'm not sure being a gayer has anything to do with it. Would shag but certainly RUN RUN RUN afterward for fear of stabbing.
>> No. 436726 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:12 pm
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I'm guessing this one is wearing white (or light pink) knock-off trainers with hints of gold or sequins.
>> No. 436727 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:13 pm
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It's strange how candid pictures of her in the press are so photoshopped; it's almost as if she's in on the entire thing. She's completely ruined herself with surgery.
>> No. 436728 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:17 pm
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Well, I really feel for her in this picture, poor lass looks like she has missed her parcel from the post office and is going to that ghastly place to pick it up. Hope she has that other form of ID.
>> No. 436729 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:26 pm
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They don't want to get caught shagging a fatty.
>> No. 436733 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:46 pm
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Well I don't want to get caught under a fatty.


That turn you on, fattylad? Go on, you know that beached whales give you a right stonk on. Better put some rebars in your floor first though.
>> No. 436734 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:49 pm
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Obviously not. Full belly > rolls.
>> No. 436735 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:51 pm
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At best, they'll smell a bit like biscuits.
>> No. 436739 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 5:01 am
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Jesus we're getting into dysmorphic disorder territory with this.
>> No. 436740 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 7:44 am
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Yeast biscuits.
>> No. 436741 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 8:53 am
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There's nothing like being under a 30 stone woman who's riding you while knocking all the air out of your lungs with her gut. Just heavenly.
>> No. 436742 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 9:35 am
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You're playing silly buggers again. Saying Claire from Steps and Scarlett Moffatt look better with a bit of chub on them doesn't mean you want to fuck morbidly obese women.
>> No. 436743 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 9:55 am
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That's mostly because there's at least one lad here who definitely does want to share morbidly obese women. Whenever the subject comes up, without fail, he can be observed moving the goalposts from pleasantly curvy and chubby, straight to hamplanet, and trying to tell us we're the wrong 'uns.

I don't even need to expand the thread to see what has occurred here, I already know it was him.
>> No. 436744 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 10:09 am
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>there's at least one lad here who definitely does want to share morbidly obese women.

So now we've even moved on to threesomes with a fatty?

But yeah, fattylad is really taking the piss.
>> No. 436746 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 12:09 pm
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>Whenever the subject comes up, without fail, he can be observed moving the goalposts from pleasantly curvy and chubby, straight to hamplanet, and trying to tell us we're the wrong 'uns.

I think he's probably a feeder.
>> No. 436752 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 6:25 pm
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Aren't they just called fat enablers?
>> No. 436755 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 10:01 pm
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>there's at least one lad here

I never done it sir, I was just perving over the "before" pictures of c-list celebrities, honest sir, it wasn't me.
>> No. 436844 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:00 pm
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Scarlett is okay, but the patrician choice of Gogglebox fanny are the sisters from Leeds or the lass from Blackpool with the skinny brother. Much more beautiful than are Scarlett.
>> No. 436845 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:06 pm
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Rachel Riley is in the newer ones. With her Russian husband.
>> No. 436846 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:10 pm
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She's a zionist though.
>> No. 436847 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:32 pm
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>Riley identifies herself as of Jewish heritage and as an atheist.
>> No. 436848 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:36 pm
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My penis is apolitical.
>> No. 436849 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:54 pm
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If anything, mine is hypocritically political. There's a lot of appeal in violating a tory lasses bumhole, even if they want you to.

That might be more of a class thing, though. But we've had that discussion many times before.
>> No. 436850 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 10:20 pm
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Aren't Tories crap at sex?
>> No. 436851 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 10:37 pm
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Some certainly are, but a lot of them ride horses.
>> No. 436854 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 10:42 pm
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Zionism isn't really just about politics though.

That said, I discovered a while ago that I apparently have a little bit of Jewish ancestry. One of my ancestors in the 18th century married a Ruth Jerzinsky or Kaczinsky, the sources differ. Her father's name was David, and he was apparently some sort of men's clothier or merchant. So it's reasonable to assume that they were Polish Jews.
>> No. 436859 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 8:43 am
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Where do we stand on Jesy from Little Mix?
>> No. 436861 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 10:13 am
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Looks like a goron.
>> No. 436865 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 12:30 pm
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Alright, Unabomberlad?
>> No. 436868 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 12:54 pm
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As I said, it's Jerzinsky or Kaczinsky, I found both names on a genealogy web site for the same person. Probably a transcription error from hand-written documents. Would you be able to tell the difference between the two from an untidily written 18th century church register entry?

It's what often makes genealogy detective work. Old records are riddled with spelling variations or spelling errors, as people didn't have any documents identifying them like they do today. Also, if you then go back to the 17th or 16th century, many common people were still illiterate, especially in rural villages, so they could really only state their name phonetically to the parish's pastor at their wedding.
>> No. 436870 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 5:00 pm
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No shame in being tenuously related to a convicted daft militant wog, mate. Give it a generation and we'll see Abu Hamza's niece on Big Brother XXVIII. Milk that claim to fame for all it's worth.
>> No. 436888 Anonymous
13th May 2020
Wednesday 2:32 pm
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I had a dream that I had a new girlfriend, and somehow at some point in my dream, we were visiting a few of my friends, and my ex was there with them. My ex and my current girlfriend were then standing next to each other chatting, and people started joking that they looked like twin sisters. And they did, to the point that even I couldn't tell them apart anymore. And my ex then grinned at me and said, "Looks like even if you couldn't have me anymore, you still wanted someone who looks like me".

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