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>> No. 426868 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 5:49 pm
426868 Dream Thread Mk. II
Fitter when she was fat edition.

You know the drill lads. Here are a few helpful links in order to help you further your proficiency at dreaming, and hopefully elevate the quality of discussion about our nocturnal adventures:

https://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/

https://www.tuck.com/how-to-lucid-dream/

https://open.spotify.com/album/3zci9uc3JFKmKV3x0TcAKd
Expand all images.
>> No. 426869 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:05 pm
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What's with the slag?
>> No. 426871 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 6:24 pm
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Looks like Scarlett Moffatt after fat camp weight loss counselling.
>> No. 426880 Anonymous
16th May 2019
Thursday 11:42 pm
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>>426868
Well that one lad in /shed/ thread is going to be livid.

My latest dream was one of pure tedium. I was taking a shit and no matter how much I wiped, the paper/baby wipes I was using wouldn't come away clean. I ended up going in the shower and, well it got a lot worse from there. The smells involved were uncanny.

When I awoke, immediately rushed to bathroom to survey the damage incase I shit myself in my sleep, but it came away clean. We need a lad with a book for analysing dreams so we can get to the bottom of these things, iykwim. Aityd.
>> No. 426881 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:09 am
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I had a dream I wad a friendless NEET, with no motivation, a confused mind and no sense of purpose, and worst of all I can't wake up! LOL!
>> No. 426882 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:22 am
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>>426881
Have a whinge there, cuz. We are ultimately the architects of our own hells, try harder. Discipline is key. No one wants to meditate twice a day, but if it helps them function they do it because that what it takes to feel like you live with purpose.

The only difference between you and 90% of the human population is discipline.
>> No. 426883 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:45 am
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I had a dream that I was at Techmoan's house and helped him film one of his puppet segments for his youtube channel.

But we couldn't agree on the script for the bit, and then he said to me, "Look, if you're going to be a tedious arse about it, then I'd rather you let me do this on my own, like I always do".
>> No. 426884 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 6:29 am
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>>426880

oh wow, I've been having this exact recurring dream lately. WTF?
>> No. 426885 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 9:19 am
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>>426882
Guess I'll die then.
>> No. 426886 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:03 pm
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>>426884
Turn auto-capitalisation on, m9. Fuck sake.

Also, it's weird we've both had that dream. Do you suffer from a generalised anxiety disorder? I had assumed it might be an anxiety dream.
>> No. 426887 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:04 pm
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>>426885
Guess you will.
>> No. 426888 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 12:26 pm
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I was watching this youtube video some young man with frizzy hair had made, it was a short creepy thing where he went down into some basement he shouldn't (looking for a valve to turn off something or other) and found a strange white-painted complex of tunnels and labs where there was one person (who looked like Juggarnaut made flesh, his shiny bald head domed down to his shoulders) doing all the roles of security, scientist and some exercises for some reason. He mainly just aggressively shouted at the youtuber to leave, which he tried but kept having these weird blackout flashes which would take him further into the complex. The strange man seemed to be playing all the roles at once so you'd see more than one of him at the same time in different positions like clones but still with the sense it was just the one person, hard to tell if there were two+ of him at once or the blackouts just made it seem that way. The video ended and the youtuber started explaining how he'd made it, given the actor directions and such but the blackouts kept happening and I was having hallucinations of the weird guy trying to come in through the window, sort of the way you do when you're half awake and having hypnogagic stuff happening in your real home. The video was called something to do with Everest, three-four words and one of them was Everest but I forget what. "The Steep Climb to Everest" maybe.
Then I woke up and the blackouts stopped.
Mainly notable because the whole thing was so note-for-note like a creepypasta someone might come up with.
>> No. 426889 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 1:56 pm
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I was walking back to my student flat, walked up the stairway and through the front door and there was some fat middle aged alco just lying half passed out on the floor inside. I tried to wake him and move him on and he shuffled slowly towards the door but I started to suspect there was more to this and accused him of trying to burgle us.
This flicked a switch in the guys mind as he'd been busted, turns out it was an act and he just improvised when I came in. After being rumbled he started throwing comically small knives at me, then left through the door and I chased him a bit until he produced a larger knife and then started chasing me. Through a gigantic shopping centre with cathedral like proportions and a buffet bar the size of a great hall, but with seating only around the walls.

Then later on this chubby chap returned in my dreams but this time I was in a 4 storey tall terrace house. Suspecting that there were burglars casing places along the road I switched the lights so that it looked like nobody was downstairs, then went and watched our front window. Sure enough the guy wandered past our living room window and sneakily checked it out, I caught him doing this then burst out the door and gave chase. He had throwing knives again but I managed to chase him around and down some alleyways where he then ran into his own home. So I broke into his home and had a knife fight with him. Can't remember the result.
>> No. 426893 Anonymous
17th May 2019
Friday 11:55 pm
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All the talk about Scarlett Moffatt lately made me dream last night that I was sitting on her couch with her on the show Gogglebox and she was giving me a hand job under a blanket while we were watching TV and moaning about it. So I said, "are you sure your parents won't mind?", but then I looked and saw that there was nobody there besides the two of us.

So yeah, Scarlett Moffatt wanked me off on national TV in my dream last night. I can't remember if it was any good though.
>> No. 427133 Anonymous
27th May 2019
Monday 7:11 pm
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I was at work and a huge black man came in. One of my coworkers said "he's a big guy", then my manager and I said "for you" at the same time, then looked at each other and high fived for both knowing the epic Bane meme.
>> No. 427134 Anonymous
27th May 2019
Monday 7:54 pm
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>>427133
I work with someone who said "You can't barrage the saville" on Friday, after informing us he'd voted for the Brexit Party. He's a pasty runt of a kid who is the butt of almost every joke so it doesn't surprise me at all that he's the type of person who visits /pol/ on Funchan.
>> No. 427664 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 11:56 am
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Using some sort of videogame interface for building roads and a petrol station in a small coastal village. Then there was a council meeting and someone complained that the roads were going right through some bird's nesting grounds. I stopped the construction works, we voted off the council the two blokes who were trying to defend them then wandered through the village until it got dark looking at ways we could make it more ecological and arguing the toss over how damaging the impact of doing so would be to the village economy but also how the people would be happier and healthier.
It was a beautiful place and as the sun was going down and we were walking back to the village hall, a girl with hyper-vivid eyes was firmly holding my hand.
That was a good dream I think.
>> No. 427666 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 12:23 pm
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I'm living in another country at the moment but still occasionally get "false awakening" type dreams where I'm still back home living in my parents.

It's disorienting and quite upsetting.
>> No. 427668 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 1:39 pm
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I keep having dreams again about arriving in Gran Canaria and driving my hire car from the airport to Playa del Inglés, like I always do when I am there.

The island beckons me again.

As soon as a few work related projects are completed, I will start looking at holiday offers again, with a view to spending another week or two there around late July or early August.
>> No. 427674 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 4:09 pm
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>>427134 "You can't barrage the saville" ... dunno what that even means but it sounds good
>> No. 427675 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 5:01 pm
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>>427674
Word filters.

Also, learn to format your posts; they look atrocious.
>> No. 427676 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 5:42 pm
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>>427675
I've read it as 'Euroseptic' initially and immediately thought that no good fortune ever comes out of such thing.
>> No. 427677 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 6:20 pm
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I swear to Christ if he mentions Gran Canaria again I'm going to sink the whole damned island.
>> No. 427680 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:09 pm
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>>427677

I wish he'd say Las Palmas sometimes just to mix it up.
>> No. 427681 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:20 pm
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>>427680

Las Palmas is only a small part of the island. City of about 390,000 on an island just slightly smaller than Greater London.
>> No. 427684 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:51 pm
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>>427681

>City of about 390,000 on an island just slightly smaller than Greater London.

Right, well if I said I was off to Peckham for my holidays but ended up in Brixton, would anyone care?
>> No. 427685 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:58 pm
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>>427684

> I said I was off to Peckham for my holidays

That'd be the point where I personally would stop caring.
>> No. 427686 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 8:03 pm
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What's the red sauce like in Peckham?
>> No. 427758 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 12:30 pm
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I had a dream that I was poring over some cost effectiveness numbers at work, and then suddenly my maths teacher from school appeared, looked at my calculations and said, "Wrong! That's all wrong! I know you had a scant grasp on maths in my class, but this is just embarrassing!"
>> No. 427759 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 12:48 pm
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I had joined the US army for some reason (despite not being a seppo), as a Second Lieutenant. We were moving into base, but it turns out the base was basically a static caravan park. I moved into mine, which for some reason had two floors, and found loads of leftover booze.
>> No. 427760 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 1:11 pm
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I dreamt I was eating KFC. I think it's because I've never eaten KFC in my life.
>> No. 427761 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 1:17 pm
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>>427760

You're definitely not missing anything. The Zinger tower burger is quite good, but if you want a burger you should just go to a maccys or BK.
>> No. 427764 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 2:47 pm
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>>427760
I had KFC for the first time in years a week ago and I was roundly disappointed. It wasn't my idea and I didn't want to get on my high horse about eating at local takeaways over multinational franchises, but... I never saw a reason not to and I wasn't convinced otherwise.
>> No. 427767 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 6:30 pm
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>>427760

I like a KFC. As chain take-aways go, I think it's the one with the most actual flavour.

Maccies is better for overall variety and predictable, reliably mediocre but palatable food.

Burger King is... I don't even know what, these days. They cost twice the price and more often taste like the microwaved, cold, soggy bollocks they are. At least with Maccies it's always warm-ish, and tastes reasonably fresh.
>> No. 427769 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 6:56 pm
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>>427767
Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards or succumb to their slightly underhanded upselling. Their meat is far superior in quality to McDs as well. It reminds me more of Five Guys than microwave meals.
>> No. 427770 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 7:27 pm
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>>427769
>Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards
The students behind the counter don't get paid enough to haggle.
>> No. 427771 Anonymous
20th June 2019
Thursday 7:40 pm
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>>427769

It's still muggery. They give you vouchers through their app, in exchange for your mortal soul and unborn children, and it takes the rip off of a seven quid bacon double cheeseburger down to a just about okay fiver. Same principle as Dominoes.

The meat is shite too, unless they've upped their game in the two or three years since I've found myself stuck in Sheffield train station and desperate.I remember it being much betyter when I was a child and teenlad, where it actually had that chargrill taste to differentiate it from the competition. But they seem to have started struggling from the mid '00s onwards.
>> No. 427796 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 12:30 pm
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If I'm having fast food then I'll usually go for Burger King as I haven't had anything else that tops their bacon double cheeseburger.

Poultry only really exists to bulk out meals like curries. Chicken burgers and chicken sandwiches are nothing snacks. Might as well be eating paper.
>> No. 427798 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 12:37 pm
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>>427796

Chicken salads were the worst. It's like a little hors d'oeuvre that leaves you wanting ACTUAL lunch after.
>> No. 427811 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 6:09 pm
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>>427769
>Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards
I only recently discovered their voucher-laden app; unless it is this, I don't understand where this discount you are alluding to is supposed to come from?
>> No. 427824 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 9:19 pm
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I'm up on my high horse and I'm telling you to eat at local takeaways!
>> No. 427825 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 9:27 pm
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>>427824
I don't think I've ever had a burger from a local takeaway as nice as you can get from the likes of Burger King.
>> No. 427830 Anonymous
21st June 2019
Friday 10:45 pm
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>>427824

This is only viable advice for people who live within range of a takeaway that makes actually good burgers, and this is somewhat rare - most takeaway burgers and pizza are generic and straight from some corporation that makes frozen takeaway food anyway.

Moreover, most Burger Kings, Maccys, Papa Johns, etc are franchises anyway, so by boycotting them you're still only mostly taking money away from a local businessperson.
>> No. 427846 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:07 am
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Kebab vans/shops are where to get a nice burger. You can get cabbage on them.
>> No. 427847 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:57 am
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>>427824
No takeaway save for proper chains do good burgers round my area. I'll use the term good burger loosely though since even the chains don't do that good of a job.
Most local takeaway burgers are some sorry excuse, some soggy and greasy sad looking mess that half the time is carbonised.
>> No. 427848 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 11:00 am
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>>427846
>You can get cabbage on them.

Why? Why would you do that?
>> No. 427852 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 1:20 pm
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>>427825
>>427830
>>427847
I'll concede burgers aren't my forte so perhaps buying local isn't worth it.
>> No. 427854 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 1:59 pm
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>>427848
Adds a new dimension of flavour.
>> No. 427859 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 3:18 pm
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I was getting a haircut and sat down in the chair and then spotted an old issue of Time Magazine on the counter in front of me. The front page had a picture of Princess Diana on it, with the headline "Lady Diana - The smile that enchanted investors". 

I then said to the person cutting my hair, "Truly the biggest human tragedy that happened in those days". I then paused and said, "Oh wait... let's not forget September 11". 

My dream me has such an odd sense of perspective sometimes.
>> No. 427862 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 4:49 pm
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>>427854

Yeah, but that dimension is cabbage.
>> No. 427863 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 5:10 pm
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>>427862

Shredded white cabbage is quite nice on a burger. It has the crispness of iceberg lettuce, but it doesn't immediately go limp on contact with the hot beefy poz load and it has some actual flavour. There's nothing weird about raw cabbage in coleslaw, so why is it weird on a burger?
>> No. 427864 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 5:14 pm
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>>427863

>There's nothing weird about raw cabbage in coleslaw, so why is it weird on a burger?

Because a burger and coleslaw are two different things. Or, to put it another way - there's nothing weird about pooing in a toilet, so why is it weird on your mum's face?
>> No. 427865 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 5:27 pm
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>>427864

And yet coleslaw is often a vital part of a more upmarket burger, possibly the sort with pulled prokaryotic and some BBQ sauce to contrast it.

Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face, but altogether arousing on a low class prostitute.
>> No. 427866 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 6:20 pm
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I dream of work. Help me.
>> No. 427867 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 7:45 pm
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>>427866

Have you tried having a hobby?
>> No. 427868 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 9:33 pm
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>>427866
Work is a fantastic escape from real life.
>> No. 427869 Anonymous
22nd June 2019
Saturday 10:51 pm
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>>427865

>Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face

Depends on the lad's mum.
>> No. 427874 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 9:36 am
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>>427869
In some cases they're one and the same.
>> No. 427875 Anonymous
23rd June 2019
Sunday 9:47 am
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I'm notifying HR about the direction this thread has taken.
>> No. 427914 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:56 am
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>>427875

>HR

Hereditary Redheads?
Hosiery Recruits?
Heretic Romanians?



Coat gotten.
>> No. 427934 Anonymous
24th June 2019
Monday 12:03 pm
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I was shooting people again. A Steyr with a weird red dot sight device that also provided magnification.
There were some good 800 metres between me and my targets. I remember having to compensate for the distance.
No idea what to make out of this. It was fun.
>> No. 427996 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 1:14 pm
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I got called out. I fucked up (in real life), and haven't had the chance to apologise yet. All my dreams have been about it, but in one of them I did and then the guy just went "you don't get apologising, do you?"
>> No. 427997 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 1:21 pm
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>>427996
What did you do?
>> No. 427998 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 2:15 pm
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>>427934
Did you kill anyone?
>> No. 428001 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 2:21 pm
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>>427997

Did it involve an iPhone?
>> No. 428005 Anonymous
25th June 2019
Tuesday 3:26 pm
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Dreamlad is cancelled.
>> No. 428409 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 12:15 pm
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I had a dream last night that I was finally standing up to a school bully who made a large part of my two or three last years of school a big nightmare. I was finally giving him all the smart comebacks without a hint of fear that I would never have been capable of back then. And then at the end, I threw him to the ground in some sort of surprise martial arts combat tactics move and said to him, "Now you listen to me, and listen good. You're done bullying me for all eternity, or I'll come and set your house on fire and fuck your sister from here to next Tuesday".

I would've given anything to have been able to do something like that for real back then.
>> No. 428516 Anonymous
5th July 2019
Friday 6:00 pm
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Dreamed about buying plants. Was quite pleased to find a number of cheap succulents to keep around the house.
More noteworthy is that it's a house I've dreamed about three or four times now. As far as I'm aware it doesn't exist or at least I've never seen or been in it but the décor and layout is largely the same every time I dream about it.
>> No. 428576 Anonymous
7th July 2019
Sunday 1:42 pm
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>>428516
There is nothing wrong with spending the day buying succulents for around the house. I like your dream and might follow it today.
>> No. 428647 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 11:19 am
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I dreamt about travelling up norf to watch a Crystal Palace vs Liverpool match. I ended up rubbing the Crystal Palace fans the wrong way and was inadvertently IRL trolling them, but I was well received by the Liverpool supporters.

I don't even like football but I have been thinking about moving somewhere up north for the cheaper cost of living and lebensraum.
>> No. 428650 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 2:07 pm
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>>428647
>up norf
>Crystal Palace

You Southerners sure are funny.
>> No. 428651 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 3:13 pm
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>>428650

Lad. Croydon is south of the river, even we know it is south, he is obviously talking about where the bike theives live in the suburbs of Manchester.
>> No. 428662 Anonymous
9th July 2019
Tuesday 11:02 pm
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>>428651

Croydon Facelifts are the only noteworthy thing to come out of Croydon.
>> No. 428718 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 12:36 am
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I was an extra in a film, I was playing a Polish POW in WW2, being held by the Germans in what was basically a big shallow ditch. The set was in the middle of the countryside. I was the only one there and the only German guard actor was just milling about. An Irish girl who wasn't in the film but was basically Saoirse Ronan kept coming over to talk to me. I've been in love with Ronan since she held a baby at the Turner Prize a few years ago. I mention that too often.

Later the guard was changed to a Red Army one and Not-Ronan warned me he was dangerous because he'd actually been a camp guard. He kept shoot his PPD-40 randomly, it was specifically that gun, but neither of us were especially bothered by the firing, just faintly suprised.
>> No. 428719 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 1:47 am
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>>428718

Slightly tangential, but how does one pick up extra work? I saw the Game of Thrones documentary earlier on and I was inspired to go stand in a field while being filmed.
>> No. 428720 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 2:56 am
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>>428718

Is that the gun that was OP as fuck in the first Call of Duty?

I feel like there's loads of variants and I'll look like a knob for not knowing the precise model of a firearm on the internet.

Ah fuck I've got to google it now. Nevermind.
>> No. 428723 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 8:18 am
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>>428719
Starnow is the best place I think.
>> No. 428725 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 1:41 pm
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>>428720
AFAIR there was no PPD in CoD 1.
PPSh, yes. It's a similarly looking SMG. I don't recall it being particularly over-powered. The 64-round magazine was the dog's though.
>> No. 428728 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 5:31 pm
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>>428719
>>428723
Be aware that a lot of productions have the idea that even though they're taking up your time and just standing around is quite literally the job, they're not going to pay you to just stand around.
>> No. 428729 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 7:51 pm
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>>428728
What's your point? Always check your contract? Get specific instructions about the role?
>> No. 428733 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 9:15 pm
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>>428729
An awful lot of background work is unpaid, and "think fast, Malkovich" is unlikely to fly these days.
>> No. 428845 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 9:51 pm
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>>428733

One of my mates was an extra on Eastenders once. I think all he had to do was walk through a shot in the background of a scene about a dozen times until they got that scene right. I'm not sure if he actually got paid, but he did say he was allowed to eat as much of the on-set catering as he wanted. And apparently the catering was really good there.
>> No. 428846 Anonymous
15th July 2019
Monday 11:06 pm
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>>428845
Food on sets is a bit of a minefield. Strictly speaking, catering is the meals, and for some reason probably lost to history the stuff in between is "craft service". There's a definite pecking order for catering - talent, principals, senior crew, junior crew, background. Craft is a bit more variable, where sometimes you'll have separate spreads and sometimes everything will be laid out in one. BBC productions need to be mindful that they're handling public funds, so it's not a good look for them if extras who are in effect paying for the food don't get to eat it.
>> No. 428852 Anonymous
16th July 2019
Tuesday 12:32 am
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>>428846

> so it's not a good look for them if extras who are in effect paying for the food don't get to eat it.


Would you say that private-television productions are more strict with their free food then?

I want to play my cards right if I ever want to start a side career as an unpaid extra.


Speaking of, whatever happened to those web sites where you can advertise your private car to production companies in the hope that they will hire it for a shoot? I put my old MkI Golf GTI on one of those sites back in the day, about ten years ago, but then that site suddenly just disappeared completely from the web and I never heard from them again. It didn't me cost anything to have my car listed with them, but still...
>> No. 429941 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 4:57 pm
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Why do I keep having dreams about witnessing a plane crash?

It's always a similar dream, I'm watching a plane flying overhead from the ground, and then I think, oh boy, this doesn't look good, and then the plane starts losing altitude and nose dives into the ground. Sometimes, I am only able to save myself from the falling plane or debris just by a hair's breadth.

Last night, I was watching a B-2 delta wing nuclear bomber dropping out of the sky and then cartwheeling across the ground, and it came to a screeching halt with one of the wings vertically sticking up in the air a good 50 feet. It almost looked like the ending of the movie Independence Day. And it again just narrowly missed me.
>> No. 429942 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 5:03 pm
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>>429941
Do you consume a lot of post-apocalyptic fiction? I've noticed that when I play DayZ for too long I'll have dreams about being ambushed by 12 year olds with M4's.

I would imagine you have anxiety about it, so your subconscious is like "See? You survived. Get over it."
>> No. 429949 Anonymous
26th August 2019
Monday 7:57 pm
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>>429942

> being ambushed by 12 year olds with M4's

Sounds like an average day in Birmingham.
>> No. 431763 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 9:12 am
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Dreamed I was out picking litter with my new folding litter picking stick but it was feeble and crap compared to my non-folding one. This may prove prophetic.
>> No. 431764 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 9:19 am
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>>429949
M4 goes to Bristol ladm8.
>> No. 431765 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 10:12 am
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I woke up in the dream this seems to happen to me a lot, is that uncommon? this morning and I'd become the spitting image of Harry Maguire; full slab head. Like in The Metamorphosis and just like that book I don't know what happened next because I stopped dreaming/reading.
>> No. 431766 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 10:45 am
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>>431763

> litter picking stick

Are you serving a community sentence, m7?
>> No. 431770 Anonymous
27th October 2019
Sunday 11:23 am
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>>431766

No, it's just a nice thing to do. I find it meditative too.
>> No. 431793 Anonymous
28th October 2019
Monday 2:37 pm
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I had a dream that I spotted Boris Johnson on a bicycle here in Manchester. I then ran after him and managed to push him off his bicycle, and shouted at him, "Piss off back to London, you bike wanker!!"
>> No. 431840 Anonymous
29th October 2019
Tuesday 10:26 pm
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>>431770
Glad there's someone else out there doing this. Crack on mate.
>> No. 431845 Anonymous
30th October 2019
Wednesday 12:09 am
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>>431840

A few people have stopped me to ask where I got the stick so there's some hope.
>> No. 431846 Anonymous
30th October 2019
Wednesday 1:32 am
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>>431845

My Dad made a grabbing stick out of bike parts and Lignum Vitae, such was his fascination with the implement, and his manful determination to work the most frustrating wood ever.

I hope that stick ends up in a museum in a few thousand years.
>> No. 431848 Anonymous
30th October 2019
Wednesday 7:31 pm
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>>431846

>manful determination to work the most frustrating wood ever.

I feel his pain.
>> No. 431856 Anonymous
31st October 2019
Thursday 3:02 pm
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>>431846

>My Dad made a grabbing stick out of bike parts and Lignum Vitae, such was his fascination with the implement, and his manful determination to work the most frustrating wood ever.


You're not Brian May by any coincidence, are you?
>> No. 431979 Anonymous
7th November 2019
Thursday 9:35 am
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I had my first-ever dream about zombies last night.
>> No. 432270 Anonymous
29th November 2019
Friday 11:31 am
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I had a dream last night that I had been arrested, and the officers were all pissing themselves laughing at whatever it is I had done, but I had no recollection whatsoever of the event itself.

I think it may help any sort of interpretation to add that I will be two years sober in January, and I have the occasional using dream. This may be a thinly veiled one.

Whatever i did, I hope it was worth the embarrassment.
>> No. 432275 Anonymous
29th November 2019
Friday 1:08 pm
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>>431979
I've had dreams of zombies coming through my back door ever since i was a teenlad.
>> No. 432286 Anonymous
29th November 2019
Friday 8:44 pm
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>>432275

>I've had dreams of zombies coming through my back door

Stop watching zombie gay porn then.
>> No. 432386 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 12:27 pm
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>>432286
Never underestimate a good necrolove and cherishing.
>> No. 432391 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 3:44 pm
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>>432275

I've genuinely had a lot of sex dreams about Emily off of In The Flesh.
>> No. 432397 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 4:41 pm
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>>432391
Get her down tanning salon for a few sessions and she'd be a right bobby dazzler.
>> No. 432402 Anonymous
2nd December 2019
Monday 9:47 pm
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>>432397

Right, nothing beats a healthy tan to bring out a lass's natural beauty.
>> No. 432675 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 3:28 pm
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Had a dream last night that I was having a wank on my girlfriend's laptop, and then I suddenly heard her coming home, and was then frantically trying to find the browser's menu option that let you delete your browsing history. I somehow couldn't figure it out, and then when she came up the stairs and into the room, I woke up.

Weird.
>> No. 432681 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 5:55 pm
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>>432675

I'd be more concerned about how to wipe away the spoff from the keyboard.
>> No. 432683 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 6:13 pm
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>>432681

I didn't even get to that in my dream, because as I said, I heard her coming home right in the middle of things.

In real life though, I've always insisted on me and my partner having separate computers. Most of the time, I was able to justify it by saying I had confidential work stuff on it and didn't want it to be compromised by some virus that she'd carelessly download without knowing. But of course one reason was also that I didn't want a girlfriend to find out my online wank habits. Or that I even had any.

It's a good idea to also use secure erase tools if you want to be sure. I used to have one of those installed on my computer, it let you wipe your deleted files with as many passes as you liked (although one pass is normally enough, and everything else is just voodoo). Because there is also software that can look for deleted images on your hard drive and scan them for colour values within a file that resemble a person's skin. Then again, I'm told it performs best on pictures of white Europeans and Asians, and struggles to make out black women, or men. So if your preference is mainly that way, you might be able to escape detection.
>> No. 432684 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 6:20 pm
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>>432683

Why do you care so much about your girlfriend knowing you wank/what you wank to? She definitely knows you wank, because everyone does, and I'd hope she knows a bit about what you're into so you can share a fulfilling sexual relationship.

I just leave all my tabs open and leave the laptop unlocked so my girlfriend has no doubt in her mind that I definitely want her to sit on my face and shove things up my bum. Why live any other way?
>> No. 432685 Anonymous
10th December 2019
Tuesday 7:47 pm
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>>432684

I've had both extremes of partners, one slightly psycho lass who wanked me off with a big grin on her face while making me tell her my kinkiest porn fantasies that I had never told a single soul before, and the other extreme of a lass who could get unusually jealous when I looked at women in bikinis on TV for too long. So my bottom line has been for a long time, the best thing is a don't know - don't tell way of dealing with it. My tastes in porn aren't anything outrageous (or illegal), I just feel more comfortable keeping that facet of my sexual tastes to myself.
>> No. 432848 Anonymous
18th December 2019
Wednesday 7:50 pm
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Bit of a weird one last night. I was a contestant on I'm a Celeb, and the other contestants kept asking me why I was part of the show, and told me they had never heard of me.
>> No. 432860 Anonymous
19th December 2019
Thursday 9:27 am
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I dreamt that I was thinking of things to purchase with a gift card and then I went for a walk around Doncaster admiring all the Georgian architecture that I think my brain completely fabricated.

Thanks, lads.
>> No. 433422 Anonymous
4th January 2020
Saturday 7:38 am
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I was standing at the sinks in a hotel, which were in a room adjacent to their public toilets. A man came in with his two sons and I told them to avoid the shit someone had left protruding upwards on the floor; the eldest son, in his late teens, almost stood in it. I then made small talk with them, something about getting the receptionist to bring a jug of drinking water. The man then started berating his kids for blowing a sales opportunity. It turned out he was a children's author and he had a number of his books strapped to his body underneath his jacket; they looked like very simplistic Biff, Chip & Kipper books but with a massive review on the front claiming the author was better than Roald Dahl. The text underneath was so small that I couldn't see who that quote was attributed to. Then I works up.
>> No. 433461 Anonymous
6th January 2020
Monday 1:41 pm
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Last night I had a dream that I was driving down a motorway and got to a city whose name I somehow couldn't make out on the signs, and then I was in the city centre, and it quite comically had a dual carriageway bridge running right across its town square where all the quaint little shops were. I told some of the locals that it looked peculiar, but they just said, "Oh, don't mind that, it's just what we're known for here". I then started wandering around the city, and then when I eventually wanted to get back to my car, I realised that I had no clue what the name of the street was where I had parked it, so I then kept asking people if they'd seen my car by any chance.
>> No. 433646 Anonymous
10th January 2020
Friday 3:25 pm
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I was in some sort of shakespearian/dickensian village, watching the Cratchit familys joy at inheriting a whole load of money.

The best part was while i was hiding in someones castle, watching a group of people conspire against Nancy, when one of the members began placing gigantic wheels of cheese on top of the wardrobe where i was hiding. I ran when they saw me, shouting "you enjoyed it, well i cum in it!" This absolutely hillarious joke woke me up in a fit of laugher.

Something about a big sweaty, moulding cheese ripe for a dicking.
>> No. 433899 Anonymous
23rd January 2020
Thursday 7:20 am
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I had a dream that people were experimenting with VR. Babies would be implanted with VR headsets from birth to see what would happen. Children had one-to-one schooling from a VR teacher; at playtime they were told that they'd go out and interact with other real children at the VR school but they were all actually simulations. Parents could choose 'character building' events to happen each term, such as being confronted by the school bully.

If there wasn't a sci-fi book along these lines, or at least a number that touch upon them so Black Mirror could poorly plagiarise it, I'd be surprised.
>> No. 433910 Anonymous
23rd January 2020
Thursday 9:13 pm
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The following is likely inspired by doing a 2000 word essay on reddit about Roadside Picnic and watching the No Russian mission video.

Also, quitting daily weed smoking. Last time I did this, in January last year, I got those incredibly vivid, memorable, and consistent dreams every night for a week at least.

This time I've had 3 in a fortnight, rather disappointed.

The Dream

Most enjoyable one was moving into student halls that was a circular tower in the middle of London. My quadrant overlooked Canary Wharf. I was JD from Scrubs and Turk was my roommate. There were 3 beds, a door at each side wall leading to the next quadrant, and a door leading to the centre. I remember enjoying the view, it was lovely. Probably on the 20th floor or something.

Turk and all went out, I stayed in. There was a flash in the sky, and as I looked out, I saw everyone sprinting for the nearest buildings. Only they were also attacking anyone trying to leave their buildings, tackling and piling on them, biting etc. Very 28 Days Later, but there's no reason for that to be in my recent memory, so I think it was incidental.

I locked the central door, but there were no locks on the side doors, or at least I couldn't see them. I heard noises from the left side, and ran to the door, and heard Turk screaming my name. I then noticed there was indeed a lock, but was hesitant.

Turk crashed in, jumped me, and bit me. I blacked out.

I woke up in third person view, and saw myself as JD with the head of a blue cat, styled like the gold/red Asian cat statues you see around. Turk was sitting beside me and we were talking normally.

Everyone who had been outside recovered from their aggro state and was completely normal again, and everyone who they had bitten had become an animal looking mutant, a la Monkey of Roadside Picnic.

That was basically it, there was a second phase but I was me as me again. I remember hiding behind some curtains in a room, but my face protruded through. The family I was looking at saw me, and the dad threw me through a thin wooden wall. Not really sure about that part, but anyway.

The view from that tower was entrancing, and the terror of watching everyone go mental and sprinting full pelt was exhilarating. Hope I remember that for a while.

The Nightmare

Then last night I had my first nightmare in...idk, 7 years? I generally have quite exciting/scary dreams, but they're always fun and are fond memories when waking up. This was not that.

I was sleeping at my girlfriend's, and then in the dream I was also sleeping at my girlfriend's. I'd taken 20mg valium before going to bed, and in the dream I'd also taken that before going to bed.

However, in the dream I was woken up by my lass as 'Some people had come round for a few drinks'. It was a small party, really chill, pleasant. And then my boss, who I dislike for several reasons but have been getting on with well recently, turns up outside as he lived on the floor above - this was the first thing that wasn't realistic, I know he lives miles away, so I assume I was completely immersed in this dream at this point, as it didn't trigger any alarms.

A colleague of mine, and his parents, were in attendance, and my boss pushed the father. I then grabbed his arm and shouted at him, he tried to push me and was mouthing off, and then I punched him in the face.

I then 'woke up', there was blood on my chest from a deep cut below my right pec. I 'fell back asleep', and was back at the party. Everyone was telling me that I was fucked, I felt fucked, I knew I was going to get fired and I experienced a dread that I've not felt in years.

A girl took me aside and offered me a Q of weed, saying 'you're going through some shit, don't tell my girlfriend (who was a dealer) that I gave you this on the cheap'. I squirreled it away somewhere, and went back to the party with her.

As we sat in a circle chatting, I somehow let slip that that had just happened. She looked at me with such disappointment, and her girlfriend/the dealer was furious with her. They left, as did most of the other people.

I 'woke up' again, no blood this time, and then 'fell asleep' again.

It gets a bit wonky from there, but the rest of the dream was filled with dread and shame.

I then actually woke up to the alarm, and looked at my chest, and was feeling full on dread and shame. I had to confirm with my girlfriend that we had gone to bed and woken up and nothing had happened inbetween. I realised my boss lived miles away, and that clocked me on to the fact I wasn't going to get fired, but it took a good ten minutes for that to alleviate.

In Summary

Try getting addicted to weed then quitting, you have awesome dreams.
>> No. 433971 Anonymous
27th January 2020
Monday 11:56 pm
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I was on another flight to South Africa, where I actually spent two weeks in 2017, but suddenly the plane landed in Agadir, Morocco. So then I asked a flight attendant, "What are we doing in Agadir??", and he said, "The pilot just thought it would be a nice stop to get out and enjoy the scenery". And then I said "Oh you're having a fucking laugh", but sure enough, there were then coach buses parked alongside the plane, and we were told that we were going to go see the Atlas Mountains. I then somehow said to somebody, "This all looks like Ben Nevis!". After a hike up and down the side of a few mountains, I said to the others, "We have to get back, or we'll miss the plane!". Then I woke up.
>> No. 433979 Anonymous
28th January 2020
Tuesday 3:35 pm
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I think I just had a very .gs vision of the apocalypse, wherein my favourite mug had chunks missing and it was really windy outside. Woke up before I could check the state of the shed.
>> No. 434018 Anonymous
30th January 2020
Thursday 6:22 pm
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I was at some huge indoor paintball tournament thing, but there were no teams organized, you just turned up and tried to find a team.

There was some chap sitting down drawing very stylized llamas and chickens on square paper so that they could be cut out and tessellate nicely. Like the llama's neck would poke up into a gap in the chicken (ooer).

There was some kind of monorail to go somewhere else, and there was a special machine to control it, and only I or another chap could control it, but I don't remember why or how. I think we were on the monorail to escape from the paintball tournament for some unknown reason.
>> No. 434464 Anonymous
16th February 2020
Sunday 10:37 pm
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Had a dream where I was snogging Sarah Millican, of all people, and then things sort of progressed from there, and she said, "You won't mind shagging a Geordie, will you?"

Right. That would be my main reservation in that situation.
>> No. 434472 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:41 pm
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>>434464

I don't understand why you'd have any reservations.
>> No. 434473 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:52 pm
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>>434472

Right. What's not to love about her.
>> No. 434474 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 5:52 pm
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>>434473

Her baps have gotten bigger.
>> No. 434475 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 6:15 pm
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>>434474
I don't think they have. I think they've just shifted from the right to the left.
>> No. 434485 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 8:23 pm
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>>434473

Would.


>> No. 434489 Anonymous
17th February 2020
Monday 10:10 pm
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>>434485

I think she's ruined custard for me now.
>> No. 434493 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 8:19 am
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>>434489

I'd ruin her custard IYKWIM
>> No. 434494 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 11:46 am
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>>434493
SARAH MILLICAN'S SQUELCHY FANNY CUSTARD.
>> No. 434495 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 11:51 am
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>>434494

Great. Now you've ruined that for me too.
>> No. 434498 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 1:39 pm
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>>434494

HOT AND CREAMY, JUST THE WAY I LIKE IT.
>> No. 434499 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 3:09 pm
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>>434498
SARAH MILLICAN'S CURDLING LUMPY FANNY CUSTARD.
>> No. 434500 Anonymous
18th February 2020
Tuesday 3:43 pm
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>>434498
>>434499
>> No. 434531 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 3:39 am
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>>434494

This needs to be a wordfilter for something, I just don't know what yet.
>> No. 434534 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 10:27 am
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>>434531

Almond milk.
>> No. 434538 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 12:47 pm
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>>434534

Aren't word filters supposed to block out annoyingly overused words on .gs? When was almond milk annoyingly overused on here?
>> No. 434539 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 12:53 pm
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>>434538
Sometimes the mods will do it if you just ask them nice enough.
>> No. 434544 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 1:47 pm
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>>434538

I'd drink Almond's milk IYKWIM.

It's OK, I'm on PrEP
>> No. 434545 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 2:10 pm
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>>434534>>434538

I did a one I think is hilarious but nobody else will.

At least it didn't brick the site this time
>> No. 434547 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 2:42 pm
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>>434545

That one works well. Confused about the one beneath it.
>> No. 434550 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 5:36 pm
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I dreamed of an intense loving sexual encounter with my very own brother, then a less intense sexual encounter with someone representing my mother - she chastised me for touching her hairy leg from under a trouser leg. Thankfully both dreams were dry. The brother one was extremely intimate - i won't be forgetting that one for a while and in honesty i think i might treasure the memory.

These type of dreams aren't rare occurances - i hope that's the case for many other people.
>> No. 434552 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 5:48 pm
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>>434550
Dream people don't know how good they have it. There are lots of us that very rarely if ever knowingly have dreams. Fortunately I've recently discovered that LSD can be rather effective at inducing experiences that would be at home if described in this thread. Obviously I'm not best placed to judge, but I imagine LSD experiences can surpass to some extent even the most vivid of dreams.

What the likes of Hicks and everyone else say about it and its enhancement of artistry is so obviously true.
>> No. 434565 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 8:40 pm
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>>434552

I'm on mirtazapine for anxiety and sleep disorder, and I have pretty fucking brilliant dreams every night. Mirtazapine messes with your brain in a way that isn't yet fully understood, but lets you experience very vivid and realistic dreams that you will remember in great detail the next morning.

The downside is when you wake up after a really nice dream and have to realise that even though it felt so real, it was just your imagination. So you kind of start the day on a down note for a bit when it's things like you were shagging somebody really hot in your dream, or you won the lottery. I've had both of those dreams just recently.
>> No. 434571 Anonymous
19th February 2020
Wednesday 10:10 pm
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>>434565
>I'm still dreaming
>> No. 434598 Anonymous
20th February 2020
Thursday 10:45 am
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My dream brain seems to be convinced I own a terraced house somewhere. I've been dreaming about it occasionally for a couple of years now. It's become a bit derelict as obviously I don't live there myself but last night someone was advising me to get a small farm grant (?) from the government that would come to about 40k and as long as I did some minimal lip service to qualify it as a "farm" I could spend the rest on doing it up. It's a slightly weird property but remarkably consistent from one dream to the next.
>> No. 434679 Anonymous
21st February 2020
Friday 8:02 pm
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I was being held prisoner by the North Korean government along with a few other westerners. For political purposes we were kept in relative comfort, only having to attend classes on Juche and perform strenuous agricultural work for nebulous socialist reasons.

Sooner or later I knew we would be transferred to one of the labour camps when the public interest back home died down. Then I'd die when one of the guards fancies smashing a foreigners head in. I also knew that if I was caught trying to escape I would be moved to a labour camp anyway. My conundrum was do I try my luck trying to escape or do I at least stay in the warm for a little while longer.

Seemed rational to try and run early when the guards wouldn't expect it and maybe I'd just get shot on my feet.

>>434598
What kind of farm are you thinking? Are you going to buy a load of chickens to live in the house like a giant chicken coop and slowly close rooms of the house off as you fix them up?
>> No. 434680 Anonymous
21st February 2020
Friday 8:04 pm
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>>434679
Weird coincidence this just came up on the BBC website:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/extra/o8x6gsb0wp/north_korea_prisoner_guard_escape
>> No. 434709 Anonymous
22nd February 2020
Saturday 12:13 am
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>>434680
Where is her picture? I can't evaluate whether the story is worth reading without knowing if she was worth betraying his employer.
>> No. 434981 Anonymous
29th February 2020
Saturday 11:16 am
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A manager from had gone to california for a wedding
and come back.

I'd gone on holiday there the next week. I'm walking along, and overhear two brits talking about the manager, and it turned out they were the couple who got married.

Went to a party later with them and maybe some other people i know. things got a bit weird and the couple commited suicide by jumping into a river in the garden at this party, and drowning.

Turns out they were fine and a friend had slipped me some acid. Sissy acid he called it, because it wasn't very strong.

Later I'm down at the tip of california, railyards and stuff, and some disused ramshackle flats. For some reason I'm wandering about the flats, checking if any of the electricity supplies and appliances still work. Turns out my dad is living next door in a slightly less ramshackle place.

I'm with some old friends out and about somewhere. I go for a piss and I'm pissing at this urinal. Then this cleaning lady tells me to stop because of maintenance or something,
and I start to hover off the ground by a few feet. I hovered outside to a lobby, and no-one seemed that suprised or that bothered. After a few minutes I landed.
>> No. 435123 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 1:40 pm
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I dreamed that i woke up in the dark and felt the cool air on my back as i sat up. Stumbling to my feet and over to the wall, i felt the burn of light from beneath my eyelids as i hit the light switch. I Turned around, open my eyes and saw my bed laid open before me. Suddenly i found myself back in bed, waking up in a dark room. This process repeated 3 times, each thinking "i'm definitely awake now".

During this/these dream/s i found it very difficult to move and breath. The fourth time i managed to fully wake up and put the radio on, seemingly breaking the cycle. It was really weird.

Does anyone actually read these or is it just a thread for datamining our psyche?
>> No. 435126 Anonymous
6th March 2020
Friday 3:41 pm
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>>435123

> Does anyone actually read these or is it just a thread for datamining our psyche?


Well my dream about shagging Sarah Millican from the other week seemed to draw actual interest from otherlad, and gave us a new but slightly obscure word filter.
>> No. 435199 Anonymous
8th March 2020
Sunday 6:59 pm
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>>435123
To be honest I only just realised this was the dream thread and that the one with the lads from the Fosters ads had died. Whenever I see the picture of the bird on /*/ I just assume it's from /x/ and scroll past.
>> No. 435206 Anonymous
8th March 2020
Sunday 7:47 pm
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>>435199

And thus my fight against the closure of the fosters thread is validated.
>> No. 435245 Anonymous
9th March 2020
Monday 7:26 pm
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>>435199

>and that the one with the lads from the Fosters ads had died.

It's sort of been retired, I think I saw it on page two or three of /b/ a few weeks ago. You could probably still post in it, but then incur the wrath of the mods who will tell you that we can't have that sort of thing.
>> No. 435551 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 7:04 am
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When I was 14/15 there was a lass who fancied the pants off of me but I was rather oblivious to the whole thing. On reflection I'm not entirely sure how as, at one point, she decided we were girlfriend and boyfriend; I really was as thick as shit back then and missed so many chances with the opposite sex. I can't recall having a crush on her but she was exactly the type of girl I'd go for.

Anyway, I dreamt last night that I didn't miss those great big massive fuck off signals she was sending my way and I hooked up with her. In other words, whilst sleeping next to my wife I spent the night dreaming about lots of shagging with a lass I haven't thought about in about 15 years.
>> No. 435552 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 11:49 am
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>>435551

Dreaming about shagging 15yr olds is illegal in Britain.
>> No. 435553 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 12:31 pm
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>>435551>>435552
Thinking about him dreaming about it is illegal too then. So you're both nicked, and so am I.
>> No. 435554 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 12:52 pm
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>>435552
If you're also 15 in the dream then it's alright.
>> No. 435555 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 1:39 pm
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I had a dream that I was back in school and studying for my A levels, but I was doing them at the other school in my hometown, not my actual school that I went to. I kept telling people in my dream that it only made sense to go back to a different school, because I already knew what my old school was like, so where would the fun have been in that.

It was only when somebody asked me, "Do you think it makes much sense in the first place to retake your A levels in middle age?" that I thought, "Right, what am I doing here with all these kids half my age. Even a few of the teachers are younger than me!"
>> No. 435556 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 2:57 pm
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>>435551
It's always the lasses you could've shagged by didn't that make the memories that haunt you.
>> No. 435557 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 10:31 pm
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>>435556

Not necessarily. It's entirely possible that a lass that you shagged on a regular basis for four or five years can mess you up so badly that you'll never quite move on completely.
>> No. 435558 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 10:50 pm
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>>435557

Apples and oranges. A lass you've been shagging for half a decade might give you nightmares and a lifetime or therapy, but a lass you managed to fuck up shagging will always have you thinking "what if?".
>> No. 435559 Anonymous
22nd March 2020
Sunday 11:08 pm
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>>435558

>but a lass you managed to fuck up shagging will always have you thinking "what if?".

I think that only becomes a real problem if you didn't shag many lasses to begin with. True, there's one lass that I keep thinking about, I really regret fucking things up on the two or three dates we had, because that's really what happened. I fucked up. But even though she had a body that was beyond anybody's wet dreams, and a nice enough personality as far as I was able to tell, there were enough other lasses in my life as a younglad to get over one botched date.
>> No. 435562 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:20 am
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>>435559
>I think that only becomes a real problem if you didn't shag many lasses to begin with.

How many's enough? Every summer I'll have a dream about this girl or that. It's like the curse of colleague dreams only without the instantaneous removal of any tinted glasses when you next interact.
>> No. 435564 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:49 am
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>>435559

I've shagged objectively too many lasses and I still think about the ones I missed.

I suppose for anyone in the healthy middle ground of bedpost notches you're probably right, though. For me it's like having all the pokemon in pokemon red except Bellsprout and you don't know anyone with Bellsprout.
>> No. 435565 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:24 am
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>>435564
>>435559

I'm pretty sure to some extent there's always an impulse for a bloke to shag more women. No matter how many you've shagged, more and new ones will play on your mind.

Personally I've got this annoying thing where whatever girl I'm currently in a relationship, I always have a rose tinted fantasy about fucking the previous ex. It always seems like the sex was better with the last girl, regardless of if it was or not, and I always have to fight down the lust and stop myself from texting them. It becomes an utter pre-occupation sometimes.

Nothing's ever easy is it.
>> No. 435566 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 9:10 am
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>>435565

I remember one occasion where I was out at a pub with my then-girlfriend, and suddenly ran into my ex. We talked for a moment, as there was never bad blood between us, just the realisation that we were no good match at all when we broke up. Anyway, that night when my girlfriend and I went home, we had some of the best sex ever, at least as far as she was concerned. But the reality was, meeting my ex gave me that tingle in my groin, and I kept thinking about the sex I had with her, even while I was in bed with my girlfriend, so I was essentially shagging my girlfriend but phantasizing about my ex the whole time. Which gave me a proper stonk on, and which was probably the reason my performance that night was so pleasant for my girlfriend. But I never told her that, because it seemed like something that only would have hurt her. I just didn't want to take the illusion from her that it was all because she herself was such a turn on.
>> No. 435568 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:38 pm
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>>435564

I find the fact you both know about fucking pokemon and shagged more lasses than I did utterly fucking depressing. In my day kids like you got stomped on in the playground and had your gameboys nicked.
>> No. 435569 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 12:43 pm
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As a lifelong virginlad, it's hard to not get huffy at people like >>435564, but then I have to remind myself that I'm the pathetic freak and everyone's problems are at different levels.

At least this year means that I can use the experience I have in being a lonely cunt.
>> No. 435570 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:24 pm
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If I was on my deathbed and someone asked me what I most regretted about my shagging career I'd have to say it was being too conscientious.

Sometimes I think I did the right thing, like the two virgin lasses I could have strung on for a few months even though I wasn't looking for the same level of commitment as they were. Other times I was simply a mug; staying faithful to lasses who were playing away behind my back, thinking myself virtuous for knocking back their mates and sometimes even their sisters.

Basically if god could leave me a birthmark spelling out "shag everyone you want and do all the drugs you can" next time around I'll probably have a happier life.
>> No. 435571 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:37 pm
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>>435569

>As a lifelong virginlad

Not meaning to twist the knife, but I think a lot of late virgins struggle to lose their virginity because they overthink everything. Maybe that's true in your case also. And seeing yourself as a pathetic freak also doesn't help much.
>> No. 435572 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:42 pm
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>>435568
At one point Pokemon was popular among the entire fucking school, nationwide.
>> No. 435573 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 1:56 pm
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>>435572
The only games that were ever popular at my school were 10p up and nutmeg rush.
>> No. 435574 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:01 pm
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>>435571

I know one lass who's still a virgin at 31, which probably seems unthinkable while Mars and Earth align but there you go - between being a bit of a salad dodger, concentrating on her masters and then her PhD, and having a checklist of deal breakers as long as your arm that's where she's ended up.

One of these days I'll forget to take my lithium for a week, have a sub-manic episode and finally go spelunking her lady cave. Then hate myself for a month.
>> No. 435575 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:03 pm
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>>435568

I was 10 or 11 when Red and Blue were released here. Everyone had it. Everyone had the cards. It would have been weirder to not know about pokemon during this time at that age.

If it helps, I was still, underneath it all, miserable during most of my peak shagging (and drugs) years, I was just going too hard to notice. I was a fucking mess. I guess if I was honest I wouldn't change much, though, just maybe have a bit more down time.
>> No. 435576 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:06 pm
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>>435573
Can you describe them to us?
>> No. 435577 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:11 pm
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>>435576

10p up: A group of lads would throw 10p coins (or 20p if really wanted to up the stakes) at a playground wall. Whoever got their coin closest to the wall without bouncing back off it would win all the coins.

Nutmeg rush: A group of lads would kick a crushed coke can around with the idea of "nutmegging" someone (getting the can to pass between their legs). When someone was nutmegged they would run for their lives while everyone in the playground, whether they'd been playing or not would give chase like a fucking lynch mob. If you made it to the dinner hall you had "rushed" and were given reprieve, if you got caught you got seventeen shades of shit kicked out of you.

I think I went to school in a very different time and place to you young ossetlads with your gameboys and your pokemons.
>> No. 435578 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:12 pm
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>>435575
I think you're exaggerating from your own experience there mate. I've always been into videogames, and was 11 when that Pokemon craze happened but I couldn't tell you anything much about it - JRPGs have never really done it for me, and the TV show was shite. I don't actually remember the cards, I thought that was Yu-Gi-Oh but I guess Pokemon did it too.
>> No. 435579 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:13 pm
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>>435577
Well it didn't involve any sexual abuse so you're definitely weren't at Eton.
>> No. 435580 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:16 pm
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>>435578

I could only tell you about Red/Blue and the TV show, and obviously I'm talking about my own experience, but my own experience was that everyone in the school was into it. They banned pokemon cards eventually because kids kept throwing piles of cards into crowds (we called them chucky outs) and injuries were sustained in the scrabble.
>> No. 435581 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:18 pm
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>>435577

>10p up: A group of lads would throw 10p coins (or 20p if really wanted to up the stakes) at a playground wall. Whoever got their coin closest to the wall without bouncing back off it would win all the coins.

We had that but with some blind bag bits of plastic, little characters that I can't remember the name of - go go bones? something like that. The same game made exponentially more expensive and addictive through the magic of late 90s marketing.
>> No. 435583 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:44 pm
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>>435574

>and having a checklist of deal breakers as long as your arm that's where she's ended up

That's probably her whole trouble. Plenty of young women are career driven and focused on their academic achievements, but they still find the time to have the odd shag or even a long-term relationship.

I think what happens while you are still a virgin, and this is also kind of true while you're still a teenlad or teenlass and thus haven't really missed the boat yet, is that you tend to over-idealise your perceptions of what a relationship or a partner should be like. A lot of virgins have quite stringent ideas about how they want their partner, or sexual mate to be. Most people, upon actually shagging someone for the first time and then spending some time with then, will then realise that all those ideas about the perfect mate tend to be just a bunch of tosh. You are going to have to make do with the kinds of mates you manage to attract, for better or worse, and make the best of it. Maybe you'll still find your soulmate who's also a rich supermodel and a famous doctor, but it's more than likely that you won't, ever, if that's your dream partner. And I guess that's just the one fundamental realisation that eludes many virgins, and keeps them from getting out there and just trying a few things.

I was slightly late to lose my virginity at age 21, but it indeed happened relatively quickly after I finally said to myself, sod it, nothing's gonna come from just sitting there dreaming about Ms. Right, I'm gonna go and see what's out there for me. And that's what then got me laid a good bit in the following years.

All those illusions that it has to be the perfect person for you or nobody can in the end very well result in there being nobody for you after all.
>> No. 435584 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:48 pm
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>>435581
>go go bones
Thanks for that, I've often wondered what they were called.
>> No. 435585 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:50 pm
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>>435584

A bit more research and I've found they were called GoGo's Crazy Bones
>> No. 435586 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:57 pm
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>>435585

They're called that because the game was originally played with knuckle bones.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Knucklebones
>> No. 435587 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 2:58 pm
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I don't think the ones I had were crazy bones. They were monsters. Slimy snotty looking ones. Some of them had a bit where you heated it up with your finger and it told you their score or something like that. I remember one that was like an alien monster vacuum cleaner.
>> No. 435588 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 4:02 pm
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>>435587
Monster In My Pocket? Or Boglins? They were earlier. Weirdly I can remember their names easily.
>> No. 435594 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 5:54 pm
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>>435568

You're evidently older than us then to be honest lad, nobody was bullying anybody for Pokemon when I was at school, because everyone was into it. Everyone.

There are people of a certain age (~2 years of my own, and I'm 30 this year) who I simply don't trust if they don't have intimate knowledge of Pokemon, be it the games, card game, or just the anime. It's like Harry Potter, nobody says they're a "Potter fan" unless they're a mentalist, but it's just taken as a given to be part of your shared cultural background.
>> No. 435600 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 10:22 pm
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>>435594
It's not nice to remind people of their advanced years in times like this.
>> No. 435602 Anonymous
23rd March 2020
Monday 10:33 pm
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>>435594

Yeah you're a good generation younger than me and probably went to a school with a lot less urban yootz. Good for you lad.
>> No. 435653 Anonymous
26th March 2020
Thursday 1:45 am
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One of you left a post that was also an envelope full of money for people to take as and when they needed it. I don't really need anything, but I liked the dream logic of being able to post a physical wad of cash onto the net, so I'm telling you all about it now.
>> No. 435688 Anonymous
26th March 2020
Thursday 11:56 pm
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>>435653
I got a chuckle out of this picturing myself being paid for dreaming overtime - cash in hand.

I'd probably do overtime in my sleep if I could.
>> No. 435703 Anonymous
27th March 2020
Friday 7:16 pm
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I've recently been having dreams where I've been living entirely alternate lives.

The other day I woke up feeling like Arnold Rimmer in "Thanks for the memory" after having spent the whole night dreaming about a perfect girlfriend who never existed.

Last night I was dreaming that I was in uni as a foreign exchange student. Not only were all the popular birds dead into me and my ability to speak their language but I was training with and doing private lessons daily with one of my jiu jitsu heroes.

I don't think I have to get on the old ouija board to Sigmund to figure out what's going on in my subconscious lately.
>> No. 435961 Anonymous
5th April 2020
Sunday 11:48 am
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There will be a new internal barrier system on the London Underground. When you try to change line to get on Crossrail people are filtered based on two entry points:

1. If you have a HSBC card you can go right through by presenting the card at a special barrier.

2. Everyone else needs to download a package of quiz apps and complete one which will give you a limited time pass page to scan on the barrier. There's bit of an area set up for people to complete quizzes and no you can't just download one quiz app.

My quiz was rather complicated and the first question simply said 'Robert' when they meant Robert the Bruce while describing the Battle of Bannockburn. Everyone else seemed to pass their respective quizzes with ease and got on the next train leaving me behind. Even my ex-girlfriend, who I was travelling with, decided to meet me at the destination rather than hang around.

The more miffed I got the more questions I got wrong until I started to succumb to despair. When I finally finished, 15 minutes later, the barrier wouldn't scan my now miserable score and I needed to ask a patrolling transport policewoman to let me through.

I still rate the new Elizabeth Line 6/10 because it wasn't very crowded and actually a bit cold inside. This might be a workable system.
>> No. 435962 Anonymous
5th April 2020
Sunday 12:03 pm
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Almost wet my dream thinking about my mother, again. Thankfully I managed to supressed it, though it felt fucking incredible riding that sensation. I haven't even been abstaining from wanking recently - i don't know what's going on.

Once i got back to sleep i found myself briefly shagging a obese black woman, which was really nice. Shew was one of those soft looking females.

After that i found some kind of massive dry slug creature trying to claim too much territory from someone in my family. I decided 'fuck this', and proceeded to show it what for. It sucked onto my arm and began rasping blood from my flesh, which was managable, until i realised the more danger it's in the stronger it gets. And it got really fucking strong, to the point i thought i'd lose my arm. I can't remember how that part finished.
>> No. 435979 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 2:07 pm
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Somebody knocked on my door with a pen and clipboard and told me they were doing a survey on credit scores. At some point, I was then asked how I watch television, and how many hours a day. I told the lad that I've got Virgin broadband, and that it can be a good six hours a night at the moment, with not much else to do. I then asked, "What does that have to do with my credit score?", and he said, "It's simple. The more television you watch a day, the more it is assumed that you are unemployed, which then translates into points off your score".

It's not every day that there's subtle social commentary in my dreams.
>> No. 435980 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 2:11 pm
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>>435961
I had to check we were in the dream thread because that's quite plausible.
>> No. 435981 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 2:53 pm
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I was helping my ex girlfriend and one of my mates who doesn't exist service their cars because all the garages are shut. There were some chavs who kept shouting at us because the lad who doesn't exist had secured his hub caps with cable ties. I told them to take no notice because they wouldn't come near us, but then they came over and started on us. I stood there and told the Head Chav he doesn't scare me, and there's nothing in the highway code about cable ties anyway.
>> No. 435983 Anonymous
7th April 2020
Tuesday 7:43 pm
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>>435981
>there's nothing in the highway code about cable ties anyway.
Much mirth.
>> No. 436065 Anonymous
10th April 2020
Friday 9:11 pm
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I organised a protest against the construction across the road from me, and was marching along with people in tow behind me while shouting how they should go home as they were non-essential and it's 6am on a fucking bank holiday, and all the people behind me suddenly charged in and completely trashed the site.

As I'd organised the protest, the construction company decided they were suing me for £14 million, plus a billion in damages. I woke up to the noise of construction and considerable confusion ensued.
>> No. 436098 Anonymous
11th April 2020
Saturday 4:43 pm
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I was on a plane with my parents and sister going to America. Suddenly the plane started falling and people were freaking out etc but I was eerily calm. At the last second the pilot fixed it or whatever and people were cheering. Then I woke up in a cold sweat.

Went back to sleep because I have fuck-all else to do. Had another dream where my cat lost three of its legs and its tail because I had left it outside to fend for itself. He seemed fine and wouldn't have actually been able to move about as easily as he was while that badly hurt in real life. I remember feeling so guilty. Woke up again.

Third attempt at sleep. Dreamt a good mate of mine from primary-school had killed himself, then my cousin had also killed himself. This is probably the least unrealistic of the three but also the most depressing.

When I went to bed I was hoping I'd dream about that Tulisa lass. Worse luck.
>> No. 436099 Anonymous
11th April 2020
Saturday 8:27 pm
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From what I remember all of my clothes had been eaten by moths. Everything. This has been on my mind today as it represents quite a conundrum - I couldn't just tell someone that all my clothes were eaten by moths because, of course, nobody would believe me.

That said, it's probably a good time for this to happen as I'd only need to pretend my work laptop's camera doesn't work for a day or two to keep my job. The main issue is that all the post and amazon packages are left on the landing of my flat building. I'd need to go collect my packages bollock naked in the early hours of the morning and hope nobody is up. Maybe if someone does catch me sliding down the banister like a sentient monorail I could pretend someone stole my clothes on a night out because, of course, nobody would believe the truth.

I think the lesson we can all take from this is to be a lot less sceptical of the reasons people give for being naked.
>> No. 436150 Anonymous
15th April 2020
Wednesday 1:08 am
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I had a dream that I was hanging about with a few mates, although none of them resembled anybody that I know in real life, and one of them said, "How about we nick a 747 and fly to New York!". I was reluctant to get in on the plan and said that I had to be in Brussels in two days. For some reason. But then we were at an airport, and sure enough, there were a few Boeing 747s parked there. So I said, how exactly do you just nick a 747? You don't just smash in the window and hotwire the ignition. But the lad said, "Better. You just get on board and take off. They don't have an ignition". So we got on the plane and actually managed to take off and go to New York. I kept saying that it was a bad idea, because surely they would throw us in jail upon arriving in New York, and then I'd never get to be in Brussels in two days.
>> No. 436277 Anonymous
21st April 2020
Tuesday 9:55 am
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I thought Stewart Lee had started getting into sim racing and had done a video with somone on YouTube about it, that someone already being a sim racer and all. However, I started watching the video and he was just face timing with Richard Herring and it had nothing to do with sim racing.

Awful dream, frankly. Waste of time.
>> No. 436377 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 1:18 am
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For the first time in a long time, I had a wet dream. I'm 35, so it was a bit weird, since I haven't had it for over a decade or so.

It was this Milf from some porno I watched from ages ago. Probably 8 years ago. I don't remember the whole thing, but before the end, I dreamt that we were both naked and oiled up for some reason, and she was hiding behind the coffee table because I somehow had a camera and she didn't want to be filmed. So when she relented, I went behind the coffee table with my camera, and the camera had some weird futuristic shit on it. It had three different mirrors, and I could get shots from 3 different angles at the same time.

Anyway, while I was fiddling with the camera, she grabbed my dick with her feet, and gave me a footjob (something I never done before, nor am I interested in) and I ended up blowing my load. But this was weird because it went off like a sprinkler and it was draining my energy and soul. So I fell to my knees and into her boobs like I just got shot, while my cum was coming down like fucking confetti. I then woke up to a mess.

Weirdest dream I have had in a long time. In fact, I can barely remember my dreams. This is what cumming while on meth must feel like.
>> No. 436381 Anonymous
25th April 2020
Saturday 11:49 am
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>>436377
>I somehow had a camera and she didn't want to be filmed.. she relented .. 3 different angles at the same time.
Could this indicate a greater awareness (and use) of modern pornography? As if the production is far more valuable than the sex itself? I'm certinly noticing this in those tiktok mashups - greater than the sum of its parts, almost conceptual.

>blowing my load .. draining my energy and soul. I fell to my knees and into her boobs like I just got shot, while my cum was coming down like fucking confetti.
It's a grand exit tradgedy. Literally embracing that which threatens you. Giving up the fight, succumbing.

I'm wondering if you're concerned about your relationship with pornography and how it might be affecting your potential relationships with real people .. or am I projecting?
In other words; you've been watching those goon videos on pornhub again, haven't you?
>> No. 436667 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 8:06 am
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Fat Moffat > Thin Moffatt
Fat Adele > Thin Adele

It must be crushing to be a hefty lass to lose all that weight and the end result is that it makes your facial features look harsh and haggard without a bit of blubber softening them up.
>> No. 436668 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 8:42 am
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>>436667
She looks absolutely lovely, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. Happy for her.
>> No. 436669 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 8:58 am
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>>436668
Her head and facial features are a bit too prominent.
>> No. 436670 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:04 am
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>>436669
If I saw her without knowing who she is or what she looked like you'd have a hard time convincing me that's not an attractive 32 year old.
>> No. 436671 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:12 am
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>>436670
Don't get me wrong, I'd still slip her one. However, she'd look better with a little bit more meat on the bones.
>> No. 436675 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:06 am
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>>436667

They say that from a certain age, you can either have the body or the face. Extra body fat will accumulate also under your facial skin and can prevent it from wrinkling and sagging. Which is why fatties often have great skin in middle age. Also, fat tissue produces estrogen, which also makes skin smooth. But if you decide you want to be ripped in your 30s and 40s, then your skin will droop from the lack of fat tissue underneath it.
>> No. 436683 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:28 pm
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>>436671

Fat Adele was a Rubenesque goddess, but thin Adele just looks like any other generic tart.

Also Fat Claire Richards > Thin Claire Richards.
>> No. 436684 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:44 pm
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>>436667>>436668>>436669>>436670>>436671>>436675>>436683

This is the dream thread you nugget.
>> No. 436685 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:57 pm
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>>436684
Look at the OP.
>> No. 436686 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:58 pm
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>>436684

THREAD POLICE! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND GET BACK ON TOPIC!
>> No. 436687 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 1:59 pm
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>>436685

Her tits aren't great, but that's a fantastic belly.
>> No. 436688 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:02 pm
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>>436687
The most twisted post I've ever read on this damnable website. May God have mercy on us all.
>> No. 436690 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:04 pm
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>>436687
Yeah a lot of women don't fill out nicely when they pile on the pounds and end up with rolls of fat, but her belly has expanded nicely.
>> No. 436691 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:28 pm
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>>436688
We simply don't deserve nice things.
>> No. 436692 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:46 pm
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A lot of overweight women don't fill out nicely and they'll often end up with their belly splitting in two. Sometimes this occurs at the bottom of the ribs and sometimes this occurs at the belly button. On some occasions they end up with the 'triple rollover' whereby one roll covers from below the breasts to the bottom of the ribs, the second covers the bulk of the midriff and they have a lower roll, kind of like a pouch, which they tend to tuck into their knickers. If they're truly unfortunate the rolls start to divide vertically and starts to resemble an arse.

With this in mind we should truly appreciate Scarlett Moffatt's round tum.
>> No. 436693 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 2:50 pm
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We should also point out that Scarlett has achieved the holy grail whereby her breasts stick out further than her belly. This is the gold standard for the larger lady, but not many of them are able to achieve this feat.
>> No. 436694 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:17 pm
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>>436692
The best thing I can say about her is that I don't find her fat belly repulsive the way that I do your picture. That doesn't mean I find it attractive, and I find quite odd the implication of some lads that it is.
>> No. 436695 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:20 pm
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>>436694
You've got to have standards when it comes to fatties. You don't want any old porker. You want a nice round, full belly and a proportionately large bosom.

Disgusting rolls of fat and accompanied by proportionaley small breasts should be avoided at all costs.
>> No. 436696 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:32 pm
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>>436695

I'd rather not have a fatty at all, but I seem to be almost alone here with that sentiment.

When did .gs become the Fatty Admiration Society.
>> No. 436698 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 3:41 pm
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>>436696
You are not alone.
>> No. 436703 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 4:45 pm
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>>436696
If it's got a pulse someone here will fuck it. Some will even shag Kuenssberg.
>> No. 436705 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 5:46 pm
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>>436703

>Some will even shag Kuenssberg.

I didn't know Boris posted here.
>> No. 436706 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 5:58 pm
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>>436696

>When did .gs become the Fatty Admiration Society.

I'd like to take credit for indoctrinating you all, but I think it happened when the panic buying started. Research indicates that men prefer fatter women during times of scarcity, probably for evolutionary reasons.
>> No. 436707 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:09 pm
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>>436696
There are dozens of us! Dozens!

I'm considering a civil suit against .gs for the mental anguish and suffering caused by that poster who linked the video of Katy Brand dancing to Single Ladies.
>> No. 436709 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:29 pm
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>>436707
Sorry, lad. The thighs give me a right filthy stonk on.
>> No. 436710 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:38 pm
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I don't mind slightly plump, but I'm not sure about those bellies.

That said, there is something about Lizzo.
>> No. 436711 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:42 pm
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>>436709

I find it utterly incomprehensible that a heterosexual man wouldn't find that incredibly attractive. Her curves are so elegant and inviting in comparison to the stick insects at the back. Each to their own, I suppose.
>> No. 436712 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:43 pm
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>>436710

> I don't mind slightly plump, but I'm not sure about those bellies.

A nice round belly is basically a third tit, and who doesn't like tits?
>> No. 436713 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 6:44 pm
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>>436710
Every time I hear her being discussed it takes me a moment to realise they're not on about Newsround's finest.
>> No. 436715 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:19 pm
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>>436711

>I find it utterly incomprehensible that a heterosexual man wouldn't find that incredibly attractive

Is that you, gaylad?


No, I don't find thunder thighs like that attractive. And there's no need to pretend that it's anything other than a fat fetish if you do.
>> No. 436717 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:36 pm
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>>436715

Objecting to an excess of tit, arse and thigh does seem a bit like gayness-lite. I like tits and arse and thighs, why would I want less of them?
>> No. 436718 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:49 pm
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>>436717
Yes, just take it from famed heterosexual Freddie Mercury:

>> No. 436719 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:50 pm
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>>436717

I don't think we need to deconstruct tits, arse and thigh here as such. Fact is, most men of the heterosexual persuasion don't want to shag a fatty.
>> No. 436720 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:51 pm
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>>436717
>a bit like gayness-lite

Stop astroturfing, he didn't mention the cock and he's not going to bum you.
>> No. 436721 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:54 pm
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>>436718

Freddie didn't fully convert to cock though. He still shagged a few women now and then, just for good measure.
>> No. 436722 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 9:55 pm
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>>436719
>Fact is, most men of the heterosexual persuasion don't want to shag a fatty.

You better have proof to back up such a wild statement.
>> No. 436723 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:00 pm
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This is thicc. Anything bigger than this is fat. I'm not sure being a gayer has anything to do with it. Would shag but certainly RUN RUN RUN afterward for fear of stabbing.
>> No. 436726 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:12 pm
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>>436723

I'm guessing this one is wearing white (or light pink) knock-off trainers with hints of gold or sequins.
>> No. 436727 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:13 pm
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>>436723
It's strange how candid pictures of her in the press are so photoshopped; it's almost as if she's in on the entire thing. She's completely ruined herself with surgery.
>> No. 436728 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:17 pm
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>>436727
Well, I really feel for her in this picture, poor lass looks like she has missed her parcel from the post office and is going to that ghastly place to pick it up. Hope she has that other form of ID.
>> No. 436729 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:26 pm
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>>436719

They don't want to get caught shagging a fatty.
>> No. 436733 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:46 pm
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>>436729

Well I don't want to get caught under a fatty.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2440241/Men-pay-squash-The-supersize-stuffers-fat-cash--rolls-internet.html

That turn you on, fattylad? Go on, you know that beached whales give you a right stonk on. Better put some rebars in your floor first though.
>> No. 436734 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:49 pm
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>>436733
Obviously not. Full belly > rolls.
>> No. 436735 Anonymous
6th May 2020
Wednesday 10:51 pm
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>>436733>>436734
At best, they'll smell a bit like biscuits.
>> No. 436739 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 5:01 am
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>>436723

Jesus we're getting into dysmorphic disorder territory with this.
>> No. 436740 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 7:44 am
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>>436735
Yeast biscuits.
>> No. 436741 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 8:53 am
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There's nothing like being under a 30 stone woman who's riding you while knocking all the air out of your lungs with her gut. Just heavenly.
>> No. 436742 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 9:35 am
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You're playing silly buggers again. Saying Claire from Steps and Scarlett Moffatt look better with a bit of chub on them doesn't mean you want to fuck morbidly obese women.
>> No. 436743 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 9:55 am
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>>436742

That's mostly because there's at least one lad here who definitely does want to share morbidly obese women. Whenever the subject comes up, without fail, he can be observed moving the goalposts from pleasantly curvy and chubby, straight to hamplanet, and trying to tell us we're the wrong 'uns.

I don't even need to expand the thread to see what has occurred here, I already know it was him.
>> No. 436744 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 10:09 am
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>>436743

>there's at least one lad here who definitely does want to share morbidly obese women.

So now we've even moved on to threesomes with a fatty?

But yeah, fattylad is really taking the piss.
>> No. 436746 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 12:09 pm
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>>436743
>Whenever the subject comes up, without fail, he can be observed moving the goalposts from pleasantly curvy and chubby, straight to hamplanet, and trying to tell us we're the wrong 'uns.

I think he's probably a feeder.
>> No. 436752 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 6:25 pm
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>>436746

Aren't they just called fat enablers?
>> No. 436755 Anonymous
7th May 2020
Thursday 10:01 pm
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>>436744

>there's at least one lad here

I never done it sir, I was just perving over the "before" pictures of c-list celebrities, honest sir, it wasn't me.
>> No. 436844 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:00 pm
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Scarlett is okay, but the patrician choice of Gogglebox fanny are the sisters from Leeds or the lass from Blackpool with the skinny brother. Much more beautiful than are Scarlett.
>> No. 436845 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:06 pm
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>>436844

Rachel Riley is in the newer ones. With her Russian husband.
>> No. 436846 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:10 pm
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>>436845
She's a zionist though.
>> No. 436847 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:32 pm
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>>436846

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rachel_Riley#Personal_life

>Riley identifies herself as of Jewish heritage and as an atheist.
>> No. 436848 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:36 pm
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>>436846
My penis is apolitical.
>> No. 436849 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 9:54 pm
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>>436848

If anything, mine is hypocritically political. There's a lot of appeal in violating a tory lasses bumhole, even if they want you to.

That might be more of a class thing, though. But we've had that discussion many times before.
>> No. 436850 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 10:20 pm
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>>436849
Aren't Tories crap at sex?
>> No. 436851 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 10:37 pm
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>>436850

Some certainly are, but a lot of them ride horses.
>> No. 436854 Anonymous
10th May 2020
Sunday 10:42 pm
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>>436848

Zionism isn't really just about politics though.

That said, I discovered a while ago that I apparently have a little bit of Jewish ancestry. One of my ancestors in the 18th century married a Ruth Jerzinsky or Kaczinsky, the sources differ. Her father's name was David, and he was apparently some sort of men's clothier or merchant. So it's reasonable to assume that they were Polish Jews.
>> No. 436859 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 8:43 am
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Where do we stand on Jesy from Little Mix?
>> No. 436861 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 10:13 am
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>>436859
Looks like a goron.
>> No. 436865 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 12:30 pm
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>>436854
>Kaczinsky

Alright, Unabomberlad?
>> No. 436868 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 12:54 pm
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>>436865

As I said, it's Jerzinsky or Kaczinsky, I found both names on a genealogy web site for the same person. Probably a transcription error from hand-written documents. Would you be able to tell the difference between the two from an untidily written 18th century church register entry?

It's what often makes genealogy detective work. Old records are riddled with spelling variations or spelling errors, as people didn't have any documents identifying them like they do today. Also, if you then go back to the 17th or 16th century, many common people were still illiterate, especially in rural villages, so they could really only state their name phonetically to the parish's pastor at their wedding.
>> No. 436870 Anonymous
11th May 2020
Monday 5:00 pm
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>>436868
No shame in being tenuously related to a convicted daft militant wog, mate. Give it a generation and we'll see Abu Hamza's niece on Big Brother XXVIII. Milk that claim to fame for all it's worth.
>> No. 436888 Anonymous
13th May 2020
Wednesday 2:32 pm
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I had a dream that I had a new girlfriend, and somehow at some point in my dream, we were visiting a few of my friends, and my ex was there with them. My ex and my current girlfriend were then standing next to each other chatting, and people started joking that they looked like twin sisters. And they did, to the point that even I couldn't tell them apart anymore. And my ex then grinned at me and said, "Looks like even if you couldn't have me anymore, you still wanted someone who looks like me".
>> No. 437477 Anonymous
17th June 2020
Wednesday 8:04 am
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Ended up talking to my mate at length about the price of American hand-egg tickets and something called a "bare shop" that a cursory dream-Google made up yet more terms to describe. He died in a motorbike a few years ago and didn't have any interest in Yank sports.

The dream then seamlessly transitioned to a luxury resort with fancy glass rain showers where I met my girlfriend's twin best mates. We showered together and I titfucked one of them, blowing my beans all over the glass. Before I woke up, one of the twins sat down to talk about the adoption of some Uzbek orphan by a local celebrity.
>> No. 437478 Anonymous
17th June 2020
Wednesday 10:54 am
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>>437477
Lucky bastard, how do I get sex dreams?
>> No. 437479 Anonymous
17th June 2020
Wednesday 11:41 am
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>>437478

The only time I get them is if I don't wank/have sex for several days.
>> No. 437783 Anonymous
26th June 2020
Friday 2:08 pm
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Another incestual dream about my mother - I was watching a video on a smartphone of her sucking someone off, so i put it to my crotch and pretended it was me while she watched from behind. After that we got a little flirty and touchy but didn't take it anywhere. Unlike most other times, i actually enjoyed this dream.

My mother was abused as a child and i think oveflowed into my upbringing - mostly minor things you just kind of pick up on rather than continuing the cycle kind of thing. She's tried to slyly kiss me a few times as an adult. I wonder if i may have been subject to some minor sexual abuse as a child but as i've said before, people generally 'know' if they've been abused. I'm just fucking confused about it all. Sage for the same /emo/ shit i've posted before.
>> No. 437788 Anonymous
26th June 2020
Friday 3:06 pm
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I was at the theatre and was seated next to the racist one from the last Apprentice series. I told her I thought she was demonised unnecessarily and she was very appreciative. We then went clay pigeon shooting together. It was nice.
>> No. 437792 Anonymous
26th June 2020
Friday 6:04 pm
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I got to see my grandmother who has been gone for a couple years now. It was weirdly vivid, just hanging out in her flat, spending time together. I went to the kitchen for something and suddenly realised "Oh, you're dead" and somehow managed to hold on long enough to give her a big hug and tell her I loved her. Woke up in tears. This has happened twice before over the years with other family who have passed, I'm not sure if it means anything but I'm glad for it, it was sad, but a happy kind of sad.
>> No. 437810 Anonymous
27th June 2020
Saturday 10:49 am
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I dreamt I was Olivia Colman working as a police officer- possibly Hot Fuzz had drifted into my subconscious - and doing a desk job and getting everything hilariously wrong.
>> No. 437938 Anonymous
14th July 2020
Tuesday 7:33 am
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Went outside to discover that my car had been clamped with ransomware - the clamp had a screen on it that was telling me to send bitcoin to a wallet "or else". My immediate thought in my dream was this was a great excuse to buy a new car, so I think I have to take that into consideration. I was planning to just defeat the clamp's mechanisms, but I woke up, and now I'm frustrated because it feels like they won.
>> No. 437944 Anonymous
15th July 2020
Wednesday 5:20 pm
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I had a dream that I was picking up a lass at a bar and she said she was in the mood for a threesome, and if I would mind coming to her place to meet her friend and then have that threesome. I said, yeah, that sounds like fun, so we went to her flat, and she said, "This is my friend!", and it was a male friend who was also her flatmate. So I said, oh wait, no no no, this is not what I agreed to, and she said, "Come on, it'll be fun!". But I just said to her "Next time, be a bit more clear on the details before you expect a guy to fuck you!", and then left.
>> No. 437980 Anonymous
19th July 2020
Sunday 12:07 pm
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I was in a second-hand bookshop and I'd picked up a couple of books I wanted, Rotherweird and Circe (Madeline Miller) but I put them down to help someone and then I couldn't find them again. Then something really weird happened, to the point that when I woke up I thought I had to tell you lads about it, but now I've completely forgotten what that was.
>> No. 437981 Anonymous
19th July 2020
Sunday 1:08 pm
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Sometimes my dreams are positively surrealist.

Me and the missus had moved into a new house I think, and it had some kind of switch puzzle we had to solve. There were eight buttons hidden around the house, and hitting one of them played a clip of Freddie Mercury doing his "Aaaaaayyy-oh" thing. We had to hit them in the right order, and it turned out the last switch was hidden behind the u-bend of the toilet, which I had to reach around to press. After that it turned out we had missed the coach, and we were stranded in that shit theme park near Cleethorpes.

Not sure what to make of it.
>> No. 437982 Anonymous
19th July 2020
Sunday 1:50 pm
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>>437981

I also enjoyed Snowpeak Ruins from Twilight Princess.
>> No. 437983 Anonymous
19th July 2020
Sunday 3:39 pm
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A lot of my dreams end with a dramatic event followed by a serene moment of clarity in which the main character tells me something very special and important, but the voice fades and i wake up before i can hear what it means.

Last night I was seeing through a young girl who met all the people she'd helped imprision in some kind of purgatory. She laid down, started to bleed and decayed into some grotesquely bruised, maggot infested corpse.

I think at this point i've got used to waking before i've learned something, so when i feel it coming i begin to wake automatically. This never used to happen - the dreams would go on into this rapturous revelation of existance, both terrifying and beautiful as if looking toward the face of god (if you'll excuse me saying something like this). But these days i don't get that. I feel as though i've corrupt myself and given up a connection with 'god', even if it was very confusing and perhaps mental.
>> No. 437985 Anonymous
19th July 2020
Sunday 5:56 pm
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Most of my dreams involve a young East Asian woman with an 18" willy with a vulva where her urethra would be, but also willies where her nipples should be. And those even have their own balls. I actually documented how all this could possibly work with sober scientific terminology, including the depth of all such as coronal sulcii and where the baby would come out if you shagged her knob while wanking her tits off - before GOD destroyed my hard drive. How ruined am I for continuing to think about it subconsciously? I need to be correct for work for fuck's sake.
>> No. 438024 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 7:03 pm
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I have absolutely no idea what happened in my dream last night but I know that the name 'Pichael' was uttered a lot, with an emphasis on the pie part of it.
>> No. 438028 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 9:03 pm
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>>437985
My diagnosis is that you're actually a furry.
>> No. 438031 Anonymous
22nd July 2020
Wednesday 9:38 pm
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>>437985

That really sounds all over the place. And kind of hard to follow reading it.
>> No. 438039 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 5:50 am
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>>438028

I am vehemently disgusted by furry culture, so fuck off I'm not joining your club.
>> No. 438040 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 7:09 am
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>>438039
>my dreams involve a young East Asian woman with an 18" willy with a vulva where her urethra would be, but also willies where her nipples should be. And those even have their own balls. I actually documented how all this could possibly work with sober scientific terminology, including the depth of all such as coronal sulcii and where the baby would come out if you shagged her knob while wanking her tits off
>I am vehemently disgusted by furry culture
I hope you're trolling/joking. I assume you are.
>> No. 438046 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 1:52 pm
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>>438039

Classic closet case aggressive denial.

Come join us mate, we've got vulva tipped dicknipples of every species. Cocks instead of tongues? That's a subgenre on its own.

You'll love it.
>> No. 438049 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 6:03 pm
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>>438040>>438046

Just because there's a crossover doesn't mean I should want to cross over. Maybe you're both interested in copying animals and sniffing each other's shit, I'm too OCD for that thanks.
>> No. 438056 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 9:08 pm
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>>438049
As >>438040 I wasn't suggesting you should cross over, just that if you're having dreams like that, being disgusted by furries is like the pot calling the kettle a ni(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 438057 Anonymous
23rd July 2020
Thursday 9:20 pm
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>>438056
It's ages since we've seen that autoban. Well done.
>> No. 438073 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 4:05 pm
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>>438057
Fun fun fun on the autoban.
>> No. 438074 Anonymous
24th July 2020
Friday 4:25 pm
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Female Hyenas have dicks, seems like the only way to achieve your dream would be to face your greatest fear.
>> No. 438148 Anonymous
28th July 2020
Tuesday 10:18 am
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I had a dream last night that I had a new girlfriend who was a bit of a munter. Not unbearably ugly, but a bit too tall and heavy for probably most people's taste. We seemed to get on well, but I was embarrassed to introduce her to my friends, worried what they'd think of me.
>> No. 438150 Anonymous
28th July 2020
Tuesday 11:04 am
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I had a work dream but my subconscious can't grasp remote working so I always speak to people I've never met off-screen in person. Not a revelatory thought, considering you don't dream you're watching television, but I find it interesting that my mind is unable to process my life.

If we didn't turn the cameras on occasionally I might dream of disembodied voices. Or more likely I wouldn't visualise the conversation but skip ahead into a series of commands.

>>438148
>We seemed to get on well, but I was embarrassed to introduce her to my friends, worried what they'd think of me.

Story of my life. My parents have still yet to meet a girlfriend.
>> No. 438154 Anonymous
28th July 2020
Tuesday 3:27 pm
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>>438150

>My parents have still yet to meet a girlfriend

But those girlfriends did exist?


The only girlfriend in real life and outside of my dreams that I was sort of embarrassed to show off to my friends and family was a right slut, everybody knew she was the village mattress and told me I could do better, but she was hot nonetheless and I was an 18 year old virgin and couldnt believe my luck. I could just as well have taken an actual proz to have tea with my mum and dad.

She was using me to get back at her ex boyfriend for cheating on her, so all that was already a lot to get caught up in as an innocent bystander. But again, I was 18 and naive as fuck, and then she started having sex with her ex again behind my back, but waited a few weeks to tell me because she enjoyed all the romantic walks with "a nice boy like me".

There's something to be said for learning some of the hard lessons early on.
>> No. 438155 Anonymous
28th July 2020
Tuesday 10:13 pm
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>>438154
>But those girlfriends did exist?

Yeah, I guess that moving out before I did any shagging has meant that introductions would be something terribly serious. Now it would be like bringing them into the family.

>There's something to be said for learning some of the hard lessons early on.

You got some fanny though, right?
>> No. 438158 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 9:12 am
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>>438155

>You got some fanny though, right?

Yes, I had my first time with her.

I don't think most people's first time was anything to rave about, but mine was spoiled on top of that by the fact that I was just a useful idiot to her in her revenge towards her boyfriend. When you're still wet behind the ears in terms of sex and relationships, that's not something you deserve to be drawn into. It had a lasting impact on younglad me, in that I became a complete jerk towards girls and was only out to have my own fun. I went on to have my share of shags, but didn't manage to hold down a steady relationship until I was 21, almost 22.
>> No. 438160 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 1:44 pm
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>>436723>>436727
Goodger has launched an OnlyFans account. I wouldn't be surprised if more faded reality stars end up doing the same.

https://onlyfans.com/laurenrosegoodger
>> No. 438161 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 2:43 pm
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>>438160
Obviously I still would, but she looks very strange.
>> No. 438162 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 2:59 pm
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>>438161
She's completely ruined herself with surgey, although I believe she's had the jaw fillers removed now. She was even caught out not too long ago photoshopping her childhood pictures to make her look better.
>> No. 438163 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:00 pm
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>>438162
Oh dear oh dear oh dear.
>> No. 438165 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:03 pm
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>>438160

I was going to say Scarlett Moffatt really looks different now.

I'm not sure I've ever even heard of Lauren Goodger though. And I did spend many afternoons during lockdown watching intellectually vapid daytime TV.
>> No. 438167 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:11 pm
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>>438165
She's from TOWIE. I think that show fucked all of them up, apart from Gemma Collins as she's always stayed a fat cunt.
>> No. 438168 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:29 pm
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>>438167

>She's from TOWIE

That's why then. I have always avoided that show, and the only notice I ever took of it was guest appearances of Joey Essex on Cats Does Countdown, where he ineptly tried to flirt with Rachel.


>>438162

That is more than disturbing. Bless her.
>> No. 438169 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:42 pm
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This morning I was having a fantastic dream where I bumped into a lass I used to work with - a tall, busty, lithuanian salsa dancer. She was talking to me, flirting with me and pressing her tits into me as we talked. I woke up with a powerful erection and my heart rate must have been about 140.

Anyway I messaged her and she's moving up here soon. Is god directing my knob now?
>> No. 438170 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:46 pm
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>>438160

Fifty fucking quid? She'd better be coming to my house to suck me off for that sort of money.

Even Are Sophie Condren only charges a fiver a month. or so I've heard.
>> No. 438171 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 3:50 pm
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>>438170
I bet it's a bit of a disappointment, too, like the Tulisa blowjob video.
>> No. 438172 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 4:05 pm
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>>438171

I honestly felt sorry for Tulisa back in the day.

She really took it on the chin.


But she's another one who has gone overboard in recent years with plastic surgery. She practically looks like Pete Burns's younger sister these days.

I prefer a woman who's 32 and looks it, for better or worse, any day over somebody like that.
>> No. 438175 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 4:48 pm
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I'm never quite sure what to think when it comes to these women, I see their faces and assume that they are several decades older than they are in reality. I have to assume that they don't walk in and ask the surgeon to make them look like Cher, but someone's clearly fucking up somewhere. Are they victims? Do they not see it?
>> No. 438178 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 4:59 pm
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>>438175

I think it comes from fixating on a perceived flaw and knocking multiple other things out of balance in trying to correct it. Wrinkles = old, therefore injecting whatsitcalled to smooth out the wrinkles = better, regardless of the cost of losing the overall shape of your face.

Can't speak for the surgeons, it might be that they're just using the materials available to them, and/or they are of a similarly narrow mindset.
>> No. 438179 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 5:03 pm
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>>438172

Agreed, it's far more attractive when a lass just owns her age and doesn't spend time/money/effort trying to look and act 20 again. Sure, 20 year olds are fit, but 32 year olds with self confidence are a much better time overall, and they're almost always still attractive anyway. You have to work pretty hard to look properly old at 30something.

I agree with the general sentiment, when I see any woman with botox or obvious work done I just feel sorry for them, in the same way I feel sorry for lads with massive bald spots who don't just shave it all off, or are clinging desperately to their remaining hair with modern interpretations of the combover or strategic or semi-permanent hat wearing. Being older is excellent, people assume you're competent, they listen to you, and you're supposed to stop giving a shit what people think about you. Celebrity culture has so much to answer for.
>> No. 438182 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 5:55 pm
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>>438175
There are a lot of women who relish taking other women down; it's like a competitive sport for them. It's always strange things, at least to men, they get competitive over such as whether they breastfed their baby or if they had a cesarean they're apparently not a real mother. You'd never hear a man giving a shit about whether a woman is wearing an outfit she's worn before but another woman will happily tear them down for it. As far as I can tell the entire beauty industry is built upon playing on these insecurities and trying to get one over other women; I believe lip fillers are part of this weird race they're engaged in rather than because they think men will find in attractive.

My three closest friends are female and, whilst they've mellowed now, it wasn't uncommon for them in their teens and early twenties to try to get one over the others with things like attention from lads and there used to be a lot of backstabbing and hitching if one of them wasn't around.
>> No. 438184 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 6:28 pm
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>>438182

Female competition, innit.

It is generally accepted that men compete with other men over the most attractive females, and if we follow evolution biology dogma, it is then up to the woman to choose the most suitable mate from those competitors. But women in turn also compete among each other for the most attractive men. Anybody who has ever listened to women talking trash about other women can attest to that.

I think men generally display more sportsmanship in that regard. If somebody gets the girl and you don't, as a lad you don't typically go around telling everybody you know what a fucking dick that other guy is. And if you do, it's just poor form. You usually accept it quietly and move on, and by and large just try to find somebody else that's worth courting. Women, on the other hand, will become sworn mortal enemies to each other just because another woman gets to be with that one guy who's such a catch. And they will put each other down if there's any indication that another woman could be in any way more attractive, be it by the way she looks or by the things she does.

It's said that society puts a lot of pressure on women to look perfect and perform properly as a wife, mother, or employee. But my personal opinion is that 50 to 75 percent of it comes from fellow women, with no involvement from men.
>> No. 438185 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 6:38 pm
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>>438184

>It's said that society puts a lot of pressure on women to look perfect and perform properly as a wife, mother, or employee. But my personal opinion is that 50 to 75 percent of it comes from fellow women, with no involvement from men.

That's a bit of a chicken/egg situation though, innit.
>> No. 438186 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 7:12 pm
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>>438185

It's certainly a good bit of that, but if women want to put a stop to it, then some of the effort needs to come from women themselves and the way they treat each other. It's not normally a man's fault when women criticise each other for having, or not having a C section, or for being a bad mother because somebody comes back early from maternity leave.


>>438179

> in the same way I feel sorry for lads with massive bald spots who don't just shave it all off

I still have nearly all of my hair, there's maybe half an inch missing above my forehead where my hairline has receded, and a bit more than that above my temples, but you wouldn't generally perceive me as bald in any kind of way if you saw me. But I, too, worry sometimes that it will recede more. Some people in our family have kept their hair into old age, some didn't. But I am in my 40s now, and somebody cutting my hair at a hair salon once told me that if you haven't lost your hair by age 40, then there is a very good chance you will keep most of it. She said it's common wisdom in her profession. So far, I'm sort of in between no hair loss and just a little bit, so I'm not really sure which category I really fall into.
>> No. 438187 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 7:17 pm
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None of the women I interact with on a regular basis do any of this shit.
I don't think all of them even wear make-up.
>> No. 438188 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 7:36 pm
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>>438186

>I still have nearly all of my hair, there's maybe half an inch missing above my forehead where my hairline has receded

I think a bit of receding is fine and, like you say, probably not even perceptible to others. It's when the crown starts to go that I think the trouble starts - it certainly did for me. I had always thought of myself as someone who was pretty robust in the self-esteem department, but I caught myself inspecting the bald spot way, way more often than anyone reasonably should, and I was definitely starting to develop a complex about it.

I did a bit of research on the drugs you can take to combat hair loss, and my god, hair loss forums and online communities really highlight those insecurities. Anyone in this thread who really thinks it's just women who care about looks or compete, just go and see what happens on these forums. People being flamed to death for not being as dramatically balding as others, being told you're an idiot for not taking finasteride earlier, or daring to forgo the drugs because of their potential side effects (one of which being PERMANENT ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION), they talk about how celebrities wouldn't have jobs without their hair, how your life is over if you're at a certain point on the Norwood scale. Reading all that it only took me about an hour to decide to say 'fuck it' and shave the lot off.

Not that the other side is much better - the fact that there are several different online communities for bald men to talk about being bald is absolutely mind boggling. It's such a common thing and you really don't pay that much attention to it in other people, yet there's some who will have 10,000 posts about the fact they shave their head now, and bombard each other with studies about how women prefer bald men etc etc. And of course the surgical solutions to hair loss are our equivalent to lip filler and botox and such.

I don't really know where I'm going with this, other than blokes are certainly not immune to this sort of desperate clinging vanity. Does a man with hair plugs look better than with a shaved head? I doubt it.
>> No. 438189 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 9:58 pm
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>>438188

Jason Statham only has thin islands of hair left on his head, but still has a good career going, and he could probably still have more gash than Mike Myers in a Friday the 13th movie.

It's self projection really. One of my mates as a younglad was shedding profusely by about age 22 or 23, but the women were going nuts over him. He was the brash cocky type and they fucking loved it. While I have always had more or less full hair, but was often too shy to even talk to women.
>> No. 438190 Anonymous
29th July 2020
Wednesday 10:13 pm
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>>438189

Exactly. I don't think Jude Law's career or his fanny gathering rescinded along with his hairline, either.

I've yet to meet a woman who gives a shit about male pattern baldness, but have met plenty of men who obsess over it. Meanwhile the most handsome bloke in our friend group is a virgin at 30 because he has zero self esteem. I think people must be sick of the topic always swinging back to confidence on this site but it's really just the answer to almost everything.
>> No. 438191 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:02 am
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>>438190
>I've yet to meet a woman who gives a shit about male pattern baldness

I've heard in hushed tones that the short, fat and balding accountant look is actually attractive for some lasses. Initially I questioned it but then I remembered all the bizarre horns I've gotten from working in offices and that they're usually pretty good blokes.

I'm trying to think of what the female equivalent would be but yeah, probably would have at least a 6 month relationship before it all falls apart.
>> No. 438192 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:11 am
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>>438190

>Meanwhile the most handsome bloke in our friend group is a virgin at 30 because he has zero self esteem

Self esteem is really key. It's the superpower that makes things possible even if you're otherwise a completely ordinary lad. Yes, ideally I am sure many women would like to be with somebody who looks like a chiselled Greek statue, but when it comes to somebody who has actual boyfriend or husband qualities, things like a good sense of humour and confidence are almost invariably at the top of women's lists.
>> No. 438193 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:20 am
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>>438191

>short, fat and balding accountant look is actually attractive for some lasses

It would then be interesting to see what those lasses are actually like. Somebody who is young and fit and knows her market value will probably not even dream about it. But a 30something lass who has settled down a bit and is more the mumsy type Sarah Millican with her squelchy fanny for sure probably won't mind.

Being in my 40s as a bloke and seeing how easy it has been for many of my peers to morph from a fit early20something lad into that kind of bald overweight bloke who will gasp for air going up more than one flight of stairs, I try to do whatever I can to not become like them. I work out, I cycle, and try to watch my weight. Look at people like Gordon Ramsay, he's in his 50s but he's got a body like a 35 year old, because he pushes himself as much physically as he does career wise.
>> No. 438194 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:30 am
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>>438191

>I'm trying to think of what the female equivalent would be

There's a thread in /x/ that answers that question.
>> No. 438196 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:32 am
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>>438193

Sounds like red pill bollocks. The gift of the gab is worth a million pushups.
>> No. 438197 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:40 am
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>>438196

I'm mainly doing it to feel good about myself. No red pills here.
>> No. 438198 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 12:56 am
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>>438197

The "market value" bit is what tipped me off, not the self improvement.
>> No. 438199 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 1:10 am
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>>438198

I can see that.

It was still not intended.
>> No. 438200 Anonymous
30th July 2020
Thursday 7:43 am
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I had a dream last night that I had no arms so I asked a female friend if she could lend me a hand to relieve my sexual frustrations. This progressed and before I knew it she was regularly pinning me down and forcing me to have sex with her bareback whilst talking about how I was going to impregnate her.

I woke up equally confused and aroused.
>> No. 438241 Anonymous
1st August 2020
Saturday 8:24 pm
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I'm telling you lads, Adele was better with a bit of meat on her.
>> No. 438242 Anonymous
1st August 2020
Saturday 9:14 pm
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>>438241
I'm pleased for her as its obviously a lot more healthy, and she seems happy with it, but I would agree.
>> No. 438243 Anonymous
1st August 2020
Saturday 9:20 pm
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>>438241
Not even into fat lasses, unlike the rest of you lot it seems, but I'd have to agree.
>> No. 438245 Anonymous
1st August 2020
Saturday 9:48 pm
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>>438241
Like two Tesco shopping bags quarter-filled with sand.
>> No. 438267 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 11:55 am
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>>438241

Agree 100%, she was way hotter fat
>> No. 438273 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 8:53 pm
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>>438245
>> No. 438274 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 9:19 pm
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>>438245
I had a suspicion and looked it up - she went on a vegan diet. Vegans have a tendency to get these tired-looking eyes and their skin just seems to age a lot worse, not to mention the receding hairline.

It certainly doesn't happen to every vegan but I'm sure that a lot of them are missing out on some important aspect of their nutrition, whenever I see this look it's either drugs or veganism.
>> No. 438275 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 9:23 pm
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>>438274
It tends to happen to most hefty lasses if they lose a lot of weight relatively quickly. Fat is very good for smoothing out wrinkles.

I've got my suspicions that all this talk of diet and exercise is a smokescreen and she really got a gastric band.
>> No. 438276 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 9:37 pm
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>>438274
It's being skinny, mate.
>> No. 438277 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 9:49 pm
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>>438276
It's the eyes though, they're way different to a normal thin person and it's something I notice in vegans. I'm not trying to knock veganism for what it's worth, plenty of vegans look great and it's a choice I respect. But a lot of vegans seem to look haggard for their years.
>> No. 438278 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 9:59 pm
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>>438277
That's anyone with a poor diet, but being vegan can exacerbate the issue if you're restricting your food choices further.
>> No. 438279 Anonymous
3rd August 2020
Monday 10:38 pm
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>>438275

>I've got my suspicions that all this talk of diet and exercise is a smokescreen and she really got a gastric band.

It's possible, but it's also much easier to lose weight the old fashioned way if you're rich and can hire a nutritionist and a personal trainer and spend all your time doing it.

Either way I'd agree she looked more attractive when she was fat, but I'm pretty sure she didn't lose weight to make me fancy her so it's not an issue.
>> No. 438286 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 1:21 pm
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>>438277

To be really healthy as a vegan, you have to take a whole range of food supplements to make up for the absence of animal protein and certain other things. Humans are omnivores, it's in our genes, and we are generally at our healthiest if we consume a varied diet sourced both from plants and animals. Our evolutionary advantage comes from the fact that we can survive on the poorest of diets, i.e. a person only consuming greasy take aways will not die as such from a diet like that. By contrast, if you look at domestic cats, they absolutely need meat and will get seriously ill without it. But in the end, eating loads of fried yellow foods chock full with trans fats as a human is actually almost as unhealthy as being strictly vegan and taking no supplements.
>> No. 438287 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 4:07 pm
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>>438286
>To be really healthy as a vegan, you have to take a whole range of food supplements

Complete rubbish. The only thing you have to watch out for is Vitamin B12, which is in Marmite, among other things.
>> No. 438290 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 5:40 pm
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>>438287

Can vegans eat marmite? Not trying to take the piss, does yeast count as an animal?
>> No. 438291 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 5:41 pm
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>>438290
The vegan diet is based around fungus.
>> No. 438292 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 5:49 pm
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>>438290
Of course we can. Yeast is not an animal, it does not have a nervous system. Also, it's a by-product from brewing, so recycling - the kind of thing we like.
>> No. 438293 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 7:41 pm
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>>438287

I hope you're at least not a preachy cunt to your friends about the fact that you are a vegan. I have two friends who are that way, and they aren't fun to be around when it comes up. Actually it's more the lass, her boyfriend just seems to be half heartedly along for the ride. maybe she does good blowjobs
>> No. 438295 Anonymous
4th August 2020
Tuesday 9:56 pm
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>>438293
Not entirely sure what being a "preachy cunt" has to do with your wildly inaccurate assertions in >>438286 - you deserve every vegan in the world preaching at you when you spout such inaccurate pseudo-scientific bollocks.
>> No. 438310 Anonymous
6th August 2020
Thursday 8:25 pm
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I had a dream that I was out picking mushrooms in a forest, like I really enjoy doing every autumn. There were oversize mushrooms everywhere, and I couldn't believe my luck.

When you think about it, it's a corona friendly activity, just being out in the woods by yourself or with a limited number of other people who will likely maintain their distance more or less.

I predict droves of mushroom hunting novices in forests from September, all because they will realise the same thing. Which could mean slim pickings for us more seasoned long-time mushroom fans.

Just hope they won't happen upon my secret spots where I often find copious amounts of pennybuns.
>> No. 438312 Anonymous
6th August 2020
Thursday 9:08 pm
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>>438295
Not to stir this pot further, but my mate is vegan and has to take b12 supplements as an injection and ended losing so much weight at one point in muscle mass that he had to ask a body-builder for help (nutritionally and via other means) He also became vegan based on that "Gamechangers" documentary which uses a black man with sickle cell anaemia to try and make it look like eating meat was objectively bad for you and made your blood look weird.

It seems like a bloody chore to stop yourself from becoming malnourished in some way. He is OK now, looks well again, but it took him about a year to find a balance and he still needs to take the b12 injections.
>> No. 438323 Anonymous
6th August 2020
Thursday 10:06 pm
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>>438312
Well, he clearly isn't eating well, or has some other issues, if he needs those injections. Very few vegans need B12 supplements, because there is enough of it in other foods. It's actually the FRUITARIANS (and believe me they exist) who really really need the B12. If you try and exist entirely on a diet of fruit, without B12, you end up randomly fainting a lot.

I live in a house of four vegans, two of whom have done it from birth and are now both teenagers; the other two of us are twenty years plus. We eat very normal diets (we shop at Tesco/Sainsburys) and don't take supplements at all.

Any diet can be shit, if you're not eating properly.
>> No. 438332 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 10:20 am
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>>438323
>Very few vegans need B12 supplements, because there is enough of it in other foods.
Not him, but having a gander at Wikipedia suggests B12 is naturalli present in hardly any non-animal sources, and it's recommened vegans consume food that is fortified with B12. Probably worth noting that this diet wouldn't be possible without modern food production.
>> No. 438334 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 10:37 am
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>>438332

This is also the case for non-vegans as well. The reason it exists in animal products is because they are fed fortified grains/soy feed. It is produced by bacteria that live in soil/grass that would normally be eaten by herbivorous animals, but is now all but nonexistent in factory farms except in fortified forms.

Without it being added to foods, everyone would be deficient, not just vegans.
>> No. 438335 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 10:38 am
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>>438332

This is also the case for non-vegans as well. The reason it exists in animal products is because they are fed fortified grains/soy feed. It is produced by bacteria that live in soil/grass that would normally be eaten by herbivorous animals, but is now all but nonexistent in factory farms except in fortified forms.

Without it being added to foods, everyone would be deficient, not just vegans.
>> No. 438336 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 10:40 am
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>>438334
Oh, fair enough.
>> No. 438337 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 10:44 am
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>>438332

> Probably worth noting that this diet wouldn't be possible without modern food production.

This. It's easy to pick and choose and avoid meat and animal products if you live in an affluent first-world country. You won't find many sworn vegans in the world's famine regions.
>> No. 438338 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 10:54 am
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>>438337
Which is of course an argument for why abolishing wealth inequality under capitalism will improve animal rights everywhere.
>> No. 438339 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 11:10 am
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>>438332
>>438334
>>438337

Where did people historically get their B12 if there are so few sources for it? I assume that most people throughout most of history were deficient in a number of nutrients but if you have no B12 whatsoever you'll literally die. So where'd they get it?
>> No. 438340 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 11:21 am
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>>438339

It was still from meat. We're one of the only animals that doesn't produce our own B12 in the gut via bacteria*, so eating other animals has always been a source of B12. I'm sure >>438335 is right that it's much, much more available now because of modern farming techniques, but clearly back then we were absorbing enough from animal meat and marrow to survive, that much is indisputable.

*we actually do produce it, but we do so in our large intestine, while we can only absorb it via our small intestine - so our shit is full of B12 that just goes straight out into the toilet, unused.
>> No. 438349 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 1:35 pm
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>>438339

>Where did people historically get their B12 if there are so few sources for it?

We evolved as hunter-gatherers. Even most of the other hominid species that are extinct today ate both animals and plants. And chimpanzees still do so today, they may prefer fruit and plants, but they will just as happily hunt small mammals if they have the chance.


>I assume that most people throughout most of history were deficient in a number of nutrients

Part of the reason, next to the absence of medical science, why people had a much lower life expectancy, up until about 200 years ago. People are also generally taller today and reach sexual maturity earlier in life because of better nutrition in childhood and adolescence.
>> No. 438350 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 1:44 pm
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>>438349
>And chimpanzees still do so today, they may prefer fruit and plants, but they will just as happily hunt small mammals if they have the chance.

Aren't a lot of animals like this? I've seen footage of horses and goats opportunistically hoovering up small animals like chicks.
>> No. 438356 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 4:28 pm
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>>438349
>reach sexual maturity earlier in life
Are you saying that as well as dying younger, people had children older? I thought it was the other way around, people living modern lives put starting families on hold.
>> No. 438358 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 5:01 pm
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>>438349
> Part of the reason, next to the absence of medical science, why people had a much lower life expectancy, up until about 200 years ago.

I'm pretty sure I saw on QI that that life expectancy statistic was heavily skewed by infant mortality. If people made it to adulthood they had roughly the same life expectancy as us.
>> No. 438359 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 5:13 pm
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>>438356
This is very poor trolling.
>> No. 438362 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 6:10 pm
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>>438356

I remember reading somewhere that on average, girls got their first period around age 15-16 in the Middle Ages. Which more or less coincided with their age of marriage. Men, by contrast, usually didn't marry until their late 20s. Which wasn't just them being wronguns, but you were expected to fully provide for your family, including a stay at home wife and several children, and that kind of financial stability as a mediaeval lad often didn't come until the second half of your 20s, much like today.
>> No. 438363 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 7:51 pm
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>>438356
Crypto-carpet-baggerry, on my .gs?
It's more likely than you think.
>> No. 438366 Anonymous
7th August 2020
Friday 9:54 pm
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>>438358

>that life expectancy statistic was heavily skewed by infant mortality

Probably, but even if you had made it past that bottleneck, your chances of living to old age still weren't great. There are reliable accounts from Georgian times that there really weren't many old people around even then. Unless you were an aristocrat or otherwise wealthy, you were usually dead by your mid-50s. Often much sooner, women especially. I think something like one in five women died during childbirth back then.
>> No. 438391 Anonymous
9th August 2020
Sunday 10:04 pm
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>>438362

>I remember reading somewhere that on average, girls got their first period around age 15-16 in the Middle Ages

That was in the 1800's when kids worked 18 hours a day in a factory and survived on one bowl of gruel a day. In the Middle Ages people lived in little towns and were better nourished and girl started their periods about 13.
>> No. 438395 Anonymous
9th August 2020
Sunday 10:36 pm
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>>438391
> That was in the 1800's when kids worked 18 hours a day
Luxury.
>> No. 438401 Anonymous
9th August 2020
Sunday 11:33 pm
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>>438391

>In the Middle Ages people lived in little towns and were better nourished and girl started their periods about 13.

Don't let depictions of mediaeval banquets fool you. The average villager's diet was quite nutrient poor, people mainly ate things like lentil or turnip stew, potatoes were unknown until long after the Columbian Exchange, and meat was a true luxury, because people didn't just slaughter one of their cows when they were feeling peckish. Yes, people drank milk, but milk alone doesn't make you get your period at 13. Wild game was usually property of the local lord of the manor, and you were only allowed to pick mushrooms and berries from his forests.

The average villager probably wasn't malnourished, but to say they had a complete and diverse diet is also an overstatement.
>> No. 438405 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 12:43 am
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>>438401
You two seem awfully interested in the onset of puberty in young girls.
>> No. 438406 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 1:08 am
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>>438405

Welcome to britfa.gs
>> No. 438409 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 9:57 am
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>>438405

No, this is all about mediaeval nutrition. And lentil soup.
>> No. 438410 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 10:01 am
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So does this mean a vegan child would start puberty later than a normal child?
>> No. 438411 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 10:20 am
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>>438410

The amount of malnourished vegans I know, they would be lucky to start it at all.
>> No. 438412 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 10:40 am
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>>438411

A poorly planned vegan diet can be dangerous, yes. There are plenty of horror stories on the Internet about possible adverse effects.

Then again, a badly controlled omnivorous diet is also not good for you.
>> No. 438414 Anonymous
10th August 2020
Monday 11:56 am
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I dreamt I'd mistakenly bought a keyboard online, then I started wondering about in the dark and after a short time a tiger, lion, camel and some really small animal which I forget all started following me. They got on but I went to a zoo because I was concerned they might start scrapping.
>> No. 438471 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 10:17 am
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https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/kelly-osbourne-looks-transformed-first-22507313

>Kelly Osbourne looks transformed in first photos since six stone weight loss

Meh.
>> No. 438472 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 11:16 am
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>>438471
I liked her when she was chunky years ago.
>> No. 438473 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 11:32 am
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You're fucking wrong 'uns.

KELLY OSBOURNE HAS NEVER BEEN FIT AND NEVER WILL BE.
>> No. 438474 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 11:50 am
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I remember listening to Kelly Osbourne's Radio 1 show years ago as a kid, they had a write in about wanking and someone said they could go from start to finish in less than ten seconds. Much like Kelly at the time I thought "absolutely impossible, there's just no way". How wrong we were.
>> No. 438475 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 12:16 pm
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>>438473
>> No. 438479 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 12:40 pm
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>>438473
I think I'll take one for the team when she was curvy. Looks a bit weird now though.
>> No. 438480 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 12:50 pm
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>>438475
I haven't wanked over a cat but I spent an entire month posting Vorderman and explained at length how Scarlett Moffatt has the right kind of belly for a fat lass so I know the lengths of depravity we go to. Kelly Osbourne is a step too far.
>> No. 438482 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 12:54 pm
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>>438473
Totally with you. Also, look at her parents FFS!

It's going to grow into a monster and you don't want to accidentally breed with it.
>> No. 438493 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 4:36 pm
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>>438482

If that's her in >>438479 then I would, with no regrets, in all three holes.

Just imagine how many times you could tap her dad for a loan only to tap him for it again twenty minutes later. Fucking goldmine.
>> No. 438495 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 5:11 pm
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>>438493
The trouble is it's not a recent picture but one where she still has some shape - even if it's more of a beer belly. Now she just looks like a bloke with a massive jaw.

I was going to post a recent picture to go with this but it's gone 5 so I'd rather post that shapely picture of Elizabeth Moss as we'll all be wanking in the next hour or two. A good fertile shape if you ask me.
>> No. 438496 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 5:19 pm
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>>438482
>grow into
She's 35, lad.
>> No. 438500 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 6:26 pm
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>>438496
> She's 35, lad.

Practically still in nappies. You sick bunch of filth.
>> No. 438501 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 7:33 pm
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See, this is how I think of Kelly Osbourne.
After the Osbournes ended I'd all but forgotten her.
>> No. 438503 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 9:38 pm
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>>438501

Why does Avril Lavign have the tiny, tiny legs of a middle aged Irishman?
>> No. 438505 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 9:47 pm
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>>438474
My dreams were thunder and lightning themed because of the storm in Forth Valley and it was honestly quite bizarre. The couple of times I woke up, it was hammering down as well. The storm lasted at least 4 hours by my estimation. Fella in my mates street got his house struck and the fucking thing went on fire. I'm thinking due to electrical mishap, cowboy aerial installation.

/whinge for off topic
>> No. 438508 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 9:57 pm
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>>438503
She has an odd shaped body. I don't think most people pick up on this because it was hidden behind her teeny rocker outfits.
>> No. 438509 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 9:59 pm
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>>438508
That's a different burd, the original died so they replaced her.
>> No. 438510 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 10:03 pm
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>>438503
> tiny, tiny legs of a middle aged Irishman

Trying not to spit tea over the screen; that's very well observed lad.
>> No. 438511 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 11:12 pm
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>>438508

I just realised that she is already in her mid-30s and sort of beginning to push 40 this year.

I still remember her from when she was first touted as a slacker teen pop sensation.


How the fuck did we all get so old.

You younglads have no idea what's coming.
>> No. 438512 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 11:38 pm
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>>438511
I bet the youth of today don't even have an Avril to wank over.
>> No. 438514 Anonymous
12th August 2020
Wednesday 11:52 pm
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>>438512

My first celebrity wanks, if that's the word, were over pictures of Kylie Minogue when she was in her absolute prime, i.e. early 20s, long before suicidal drug fiend Michael Hutchence was boasting that "corrupting Kylie" was his favourite pastime. Besides absolutely hoovering up cocaine, presumably.

The quality of her music while she was still with Stock/Aitken/Waterman was nothing short of appalling, but as a 14 year old with raging hormones, I was able to fully ignore it.
>> No. 438517 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 2:32 am
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>>438514
>nothing short of appalling

Same. This was one of mine.
>> No. 438520 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 5:29 pm
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>>438517

Bit of an odd choice, but ok. Not passing judgement.
>> No. 438523 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 5:56 pm
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>>438514
If you google image search "kylie" all you get is pictures of Kylie Jenner.

I am officially old.
>> No. 438528 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 8:36 pm
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>>438514
I've seen her in the flesh (in a bar in London) more than once. Absolutely minging munter up close and without make-up; also fucking tiny. Weird and genuinely startling.
>> No. 438530 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 9:39 pm
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>>438523

I guess then it's best not tell young people today that you used to bosh one out over "Kylie" when you were a lad. They'll do the math and think you're a proper wrongun.
>> No. 438533 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 10:19 pm
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>>438514

Assuming you wanked to it when the picture was new, we are different generations, but my first celebrity wank, and probably one of my earliest wanks in general (I'd have been 12 I think), was also to Kylie :



She looks pretty rough there, on reflection, but it definitely did the trick back then.
>> No. 438534 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 10:59 pm
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>>438533

That was in the early 2000s I think. She was prime wank material all the way into her mid-30s. Just look at her arse in music videos like "Outta My Head" from 2002 (?).
>> No. 438535 Anonymous
13th August 2020
Thursday 11:57 pm
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>>438512
Billie Elish.
>> No. 438536 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 1:07 am
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>>438528

>Absolutely minging munter up close and without make-up; 

She does/did have one of those faces that are on the edge of "ugly pretty" and need proper makeup.
>> No. 438537 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 1:20 am
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>>438535

Do teens consider her wank material? She has the worst resting bitch face I've ever seen on a celebrity.

Belle delphine strikes me as the more likely modern teen wank choice. (the gamer girl bath water girl)
>> No. 438538 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 1:31 am
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>>438537
She's got massive norks.

I hate that so many lasses try and copy Belle Delphine with that stupid eyes rolled, tongue out pose.
>> No. 438539 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 1:36 am
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>>438537
I think Belle tries too hard to be wank material so that her appeal is more for a 30's nerd who wants a Waifu.
>> No. 438542 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 11:43 am
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I like Belle Deplhine. Not in that way, but both her and Brittany Venti have managed to take advantage of certain types of men's shitty attitudes towards women. I'm not sure it'll do either of them much good psychologically, in the long run, but something about it is admirable.
>> No. 438543 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 12:07 pm
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>>438537

I find lips to be the most immediately erotic part of a woman I blame my black ex for this and Billy Eilish has gorgeous ones. So that's bound to be a factor for some people. Sadly she's a bit too young for someone in their early thirties to be perving on so I try to avoid looking her up.
>> No. 438544 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 12:32 pm
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>>438543
>I blame my black ex for this
This is what people mean when they say the UK is the "least racist country".
>> No. 438547 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 3:20 pm
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Today is Meg Griffin Mila Kunis's birthday.

Brunettes aren't necessarily my type, but she was some weapons-grade wank material about ten years ago.

Still fit after two kids at 37.
>> No. 438548 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 3:46 pm
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>>438547
I love her. Even as Meg.
>> No. 438549 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 3:51 pm
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>>438547

I never realised Meg's voice actress was quite so fuckable.
>> No. 438550 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 4:05 pm
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>>438542
For a time, Jessica Nigri did the same thing though she seems to have gone a bit quiet now.
>> No. 438552 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 5:32 pm
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>>438550

She still has a sexy patreon and all that, from what I understand it's ludicrously expensive and she doesn't even get her nips out.
>> No. 438554 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 5:54 pm
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>>438549

I've been a fan since I first saw Mila Kunis on That 70s Show.

She's got a pretty sweet deal though on Family Guy. It's rumoured that she gets over $200K per episode. Not per series, per episode. At 20 episodes per series, that's four million dollars a year for barely five minutes of screen time altogether. She must be one of the highest paid TV actresses per hour.
>> No. 438555 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 6:02 pm
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>>438552
Her proper nude tits are her nuclear option for when she really starts to lose followers.
She's been teasing folk for so many years that once they come out, they can never go away again.
She's done well to never leak anything either.
>> No. 438561 Anonymous
14th August 2020
Friday 10:48 pm
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>>438555

Meg Turney recently posted nipple so I feel like hers is going that way too.

I don't know what it is, but knocking one out to an image that costs $20 or so that I didn't actually pay for is always a good time.
>> No. 438569 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 12:15 am
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>>438561
Anything onlyfans or Patreon is available for free on other sites anyway.
>> No. 438571 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 4:30 am
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>>438569
The cynicism of onlyfans is doing my head in. I almost wish I had thought of that site.
>> No. 438573 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 9:02 am
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>>438571
The idea is the easy bit.
>> No. 438578 Anonymous
15th August 2020
Saturday 1:00 pm
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>>438573
You're right - but as a kind of Patreon for thick people, it's a business model I have underestimated. It seems to have reached a weird, acceptable critical-mass point.
>> No. 438618 Anonymous
16th August 2020
Sunday 9:54 am
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Had a dream I was judging an all-female Overwatch cosplay competition in my mate's house. I've never played the thing so I obviously judge them on shapeliness of the contestants with a... hands-on approach. They're very receptive.

Thing is I just don't get sex dreams. I've been on medication for BPD for the past year or so and my libido has taken a hit. Regardless I woke up with a significant stonk on. Are my meds wearing off? Is this the light at the end of the tunnel?

[X] ballot spoiled for veering into /emo/ territory.
>> No. 438671 Anonymous
18th August 2020
Tuesday 3:23 pm
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I had a dream that I was at an Alice Cooper concert, and there were only about ten people in the audience in front of the stage. So I said to him, "Can you do Ballad of Dwight Fry for me? Cause that's always been one of my favourites!" He obliged and sang the song for us, and invited us to sing along.

It is one of his best songs. Next to songs like "Steven" or "No More Mr. Nice Guy", or "Only Women Bleed". If Alice Cooper is synonymous to you with "Poison" or "Hey Stoopid", then you are really missing out on all the awesome stuff he did in the 1970s.
>> No. 438672 Anonymous
18th August 2020
Tuesday 4:55 pm
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My mates had invited me over to their place, and we were meant to play some sort of pen and paper roleplaying campaign. It was based on Warhammer and we were just deciding to whether be a squad of Cadians or Catachans. We were bollock naked in the jacuzzi while having this discussion, incidentally. We didn't get far because my dad started shouting at me to come and clean the mess up in the spare bedroom. I really needed a piss, so I went and stood in the bathroom urgently pissing into the sink, for about ten minutes, before waking up in real life and realising I was bursting for a piss.

I hate when I have these dreams that seem to be entirely made of concentrated anxieties and social faux pas.
>> No. 438673 Anonymous
18th August 2020
Tuesday 7:13 pm
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>>438671
His most recent couple of albums have been great too.
>> No. 438674 Anonymous
18th August 2020
Tuesday 7:26 pm
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>>438672
At least you never pissed the bed eh?
>> No. 438675 Anonymous
19th August 2020
Wednesday 8:57 am
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>>438674
I went through a period about five years ago of dreaming I was having a piss and then waking up to find I was doing it for real. Got to the point where I would check to make sure I wasn't dreaming before pissing, and then discover that oh whoops you were dreaming and your duvet stinks again. Spent a long time making sure I went to bed on an empty bladder and I seem to be mysteriously cured of it now.
>> No. 438705 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 9:25 am
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I just had a dream about Christmas gifts, and about my brother's new girlfriend getting me something, while I somehow forgot to buy a gift for her.

What the fuck. It's still August.
>> No. 438706 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 9:42 am
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>>438705
I've already bought most of the presents I'm planning on giving. I've decided this year that as soon as something pops into my head as a good idea I'll get it or chances are I'd forget.
>> No. 438707 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 9:45 am
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>>438706
I admire your forethought and planning but just can't get my head around it.
>> No. 438714 Anonymous
25th August 2020
Tuesday 11:38 pm
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>>438707

I've bought Christmas presents last-minute all my life, and I don't see any need to change that habit.

I tend to have the best ideas when there is little to almost no time left to buy something meaningful at all for somebody.

I'll admit that Amazon Prime has been my saviour a few times. That membership is money well spent.
>> No. 438717 Anonymous
26th August 2020
Wednesday 12:46 am
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>>438714
>That membership is money well spent.

It really is - I rinse Prime with the next-day delivery.
>> No. 438718 Anonymous
26th August 2020
Wednesday 1:10 am
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>>438717
I get constant offers of a free trial. Most years I take up the trial in mid-December, get free next-day delivery on Christmas gifts and post-Christmas purchases, then cancel.
>> No. 438719 Anonymous
26th August 2020
Wednesday 9:20 am
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>>438717
You're not rinsing anyone of course - Amazon can afford to give you free delivery and cheaper products because they pay no tax and treat their workers like shit. I'm not saying Prime hasn't been a saviour for me too when it comes to buying gifts at the last minute, but in general we shouldn't be giving them business.
>> No. 438720 Anonymous
26th August 2020
Wednesday 10:07 am
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>>438719

Jeff Bezos had to amass his big fortune somehow. No entrepreneur ever got rich by turning his company into a socialist worker's paradise.

That said, Amazon is one example that we shouldn't allow American companies to export their business model to other countries like that. Just do a google search on how Wal-Mart treats its lowly employees. Working in Tesco's must be heaven, by comparison.
>> No. 438723 Anonymous
27th August 2020
Thursday 12:58 am
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>>438720
Tesco are pretty good to their employees - it's the customers that are the difficult part.
>> No. 438725 Anonymous
29th August 2020
Saturday 10:36 am
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Nothing specific, just waking up with a general feeling that everything was really, really nice on the other side and that that's not the case here.
>> No. 438852 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 8:06 pm
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I've graduated, so to speak, from having dreams about being back at school to dreaming that all the people I went to school with have better jobs than I do. e.g. A job.
>> No. 438853 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 8:27 pm
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I haven't had dreams, bad or good, about dead people for a while, so that's looking positive.
>> No. 438855 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 8:42 pm
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>>426868
I had dream that I was getting married to my wife again but no one could tell me why, despite my reservations I went ahead with it only to realise that the dream had DayZ's loot mechanics and someone hadn't stored my Wife's dress in a persistent container and it had despawned, much to my chargrin I was told to procure another one by raiding a rival wedding ceremony only to once more realise my raid bag had been left out (fucking noobs) but luckily someone had moved it and it despawn timer had reset.

When I arrived at the venue wedding dress in tow I was told it was the wrong colour, so I got arsey and said who gives a fuck we're already married this is ridiculous wear it or fuck off. I think I woke up after than as my only other memory is of being offered an hors d'oeuvres that was clearly just skittles stuck to a cracker with cake icing.
>> No. 438856 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 9:05 pm
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>>438855
You should probably spend more time with your wife and less time gaming.
>> No. 438857 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 9:43 pm
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>>438856
But that IS how we spend time together, lad. Catch 22.
>> No. 438858 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 10:22 pm
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>>438857
That's fine so long as you're happy bringing your kids up in Minecraft.
>> No. 438859 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 10:44 pm
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>>438855
>clearly just skittles stuck to a cracker with cake icing.
Did you ask for the recipe?
>> No. 438860 Anonymous
7th September 2020
Monday 11:07 pm
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>>438859
Sadly no, but I'm sure cheflad could sort us out with an approximation.
>> No. 438866 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 12:29 am
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I had a dream where I was pondering unusual combinations of ingredients for pie. The one combination I still remember was banana and Baileys pie. I then looked it up on the Internet today, and it looks like there actually are banana and Baileys pies. I'm really intrigued now, maybe I'll try to make one this weekend.
>> No. 438869 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 6:28 am
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I dreamt that Hulk Hogan had died.
>> No. 438872 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 8:22 am
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I was in America, and I stopped at a Dunkin' Donuts to get coffee. I queued up for a bit and when I got to the front I apologised and explained I had to verify the postal votes, which I was doing right there on the counter. She was very understanding and accommodating, and when she took my order I realised I'd forgotten to ask my girlfriend, who was waiting in the car, what she wanted. I phoned her, but she wasn't answering.
>> No. 438873 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 8:58 am
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>>438872
As she was very understanding and accomodating and your girlfriend wasn't answering did you then do her right there on the counter?
>> No. 438874 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 9:51 am
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>>438869
No 2020. Not the Hulkster.
>> No. 438876 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 1:32 pm
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I had a dream I found some top quality furry porn and I was really anticipating wanking to it. I can't remember what it was but I woke up with a big boner. I haven't looked at furry porn for years so it was a weird dream.
>> No. 438877 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 8:25 pm
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>>438873

No, my dreams are far too mundane for that nowadays.

I don't think I've had a sex dream since I was about 15. It amuses me how far off the mark I was with what I imagined vaginas to actually feel like.
>> No. 438878 Anonymous
9th September 2020
Wednesday 9:03 pm
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>>438877

> It amuses me how far off the mark I was with what I imagined vaginas to actually feel like.

Funny, my first girlfriend said about the same about penises. I was also her first. She thought they would be much more rigid when erect. And no, I did not have erection problems at 17.

I'm not sure what I even thought a vagina would feel like before we met, I guess one thing that was unexpected was just how, erm, slippery a woman can get down there when she's aroused. And I'm not sure I had anticipated that rubbing a lass's wet vagina could sound a bit like handling a portion of spaghetti with sauce.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IlD08Rh6xa8
>> No. 439080 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 2:21 pm
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I keep dreaming about my ex only its realistic so I'm just having disappointing sex and getting nagged. Last night I dropped a hot dinner plate involuntary and she let out an annoyed sigh with a "don't worry I'll clean up YOUR mess".

This is bullshit. How do I break up with my subconscious girlfriend?
>> No. 439081 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 3:17 pm
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>>439080
You're dreaming now m8, but don't worry. Soon you'll be back to reality.
>> No. 439082 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 3:35 pm
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>>439080
A dream world arse pissing.
>> No. 439083 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 4:11 pm
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>>439080

>How do I break up with my subconscious girlfriend?

I wish I knew. No matter how old and bald and boring I get, in my dreams I'm still a lovestruck teenager.
>> No. 439084 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 4:27 pm
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>>439080

Clearly you have moved on but she hasn't and is in denial. You need to start perving on other women in front of her and treating her like crap until she decides it's HER choice to leave.
>> No. 439085 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 5:59 pm
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>>439081
I'd be careful with how much sense you're making here. I ended it before planetary lockdown started and the gas aliens of Venus sounds like something from The Algebraist that I was reading at the time.

Maybe this also explains how .gs was able to manifest the weather last month. And why Dream Kitchen just came on.

>>439084
I'll give it a go - her housemate had frankly enormous breasts. Hope you had a good life, dream-people.
>> No. 439107 Anonymous
17th September 2020
Thursday 11:10 pm
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>>439085
Frankly enormous is best tbh.
>> No. 439252 Anonymous
25th September 2020
Friday 9:49 pm
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I had a chinese takeaway the other night and dreamed of a woman living alone whilst struggling to manage a viciously mischievous imaginary friend. After a while the parallel between woman and friend became narrower and it turned out they were one and the same schizophrenic character - the reveal of which fact was an awful horror like vision of the woman watching her own face burn to a husk and drained of soul.
Apparently MSG dreams is a thing.
>> No. 439253 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 1:52 am
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>>439252
What film is that pic from? I tend to see it in my mirrors when I am extremely distressed. I have blown it away for a while, but it is nice to think that I picked it up from a film.
>> No. 439255 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 1:17 pm
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>>439253
>I tend to see it in my mirrors.
Ouch. It was from a 30 odd second clip on Youtube about facial recognition ghosts or some shit. I can't remember what I googled to find it.
Do you mean literally see with your eyes or think yourself into 'seeing' like i do with severed heads in the toilet? I've noticed a lot of my more intense dreams involve facial disfigurement and contortion. I really can't think what it means - the imidiate answer or being twofaced or of dual identity doesn't apply well to my concious self.
>> No. 439256 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 3:46 pm
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I played Football Manager on Thursday night and now I've had two nights dreaming about it. I never knew managing Darlington could be so exciting.
>> No. 439262 Anonymous
26th September 2020
Saturday 11:17 pm
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In my last dream, someone was trying to kill me by running me over with a regular sized car that was rigged up to be remote controlled. I imagine he was doing an evil laugh like any denizen of a hollowed-out volcano would.
>> No. 439266 Anonymous
27th September 2020
Sunday 10:46 am
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I was dreaming of eating an un-ripe banana and getting stomach ache because of it. I woke up with a stomach ache; I've not eaten a banana in weeks.
>> No. 439267 Anonymous
27th September 2020
Sunday 10:52 am
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I dreamed that I had a cock transplant in order to smuggle a Chinese dissident's cock to freedom. The PLA caught me and interrogated me, but I managed to persuade them that it was my own cock.
>> No. 439305 Anonymous
29th September 2020
Tuesday 3:30 pm
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I had an 'entropy dream' as my barely awake mind called it. Everyone (I suppose all sentient life) was panicking and trying to reshape themselves into more energy efficient forms because we were near the end of the heat death of the universe. It was a fools errand because doing so was creating new order thereby increasing entropy rendering such actions as self-defeating - everything was being lost including memories that were being reshaped leading to painful decisions.

We'd worked out time-travel into the future but it just gave us more energy efficient forms from our future. I ended up wondering into a tiny and empty theme-park where some woman was sitting at a merry-go-round with balloons in her hand and a dress - I thought it was mad doing what she was doing considering the waste of potentially trillions of years but she replied that she was reliving a joyful time in her life. I awoke feeling strange.

I blame the ordinarily optimistic SFIA covering the phosphorus problem.
>> No. 439307 Anonymous
29th September 2020
Tuesday 5:07 pm
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>>439305
Maybe you got bits of this from a film/show? One I would like to watch.
>> No. 439308 Anonymous
29th September 2020
Tuesday 5:11 pm
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>>439307

Some parts of it remind me vaguely of Manifold: Time by Stephen Baxter.
>> No. 439309 Anonymous
29th September 2020
Tuesday 10:47 pm
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>>439305

You have a beautiful mind, friend.
>> No. 439310 Anonymous
29th September 2020
Tuesday 10:53 pm
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>>439307
It sounds like fuckin' Twilight Zone. At the end he realised he was trapped in a bottle being observed by aliens who all looked just like him preparing to detonate an atomic bomb in the past.
>> No. 439311 Anonymous
29th September 2020
Tuesday 10:56 pm
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>>439310
Why do people think the Twilight Zone is characterised by such strangely endless concoctions of cause and effect? There was never any of this "X turned out to be Y turned out to be Q turned out to be N". Almost every episode had one, very thematic, twist at most.
>> No. 439315 Anonymous
30th September 2020
Wednesday 8:27 am
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>>439311

And none of them knew they were robots! They had all the beer in the world... But no bottle opener!
>> No. 439342 Anonymous
1st October 2020
Thursday 6:13 am
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That Steve guy from Gamers Nexus was showing me the cash, as in physical note currency, loose, in a mossy, ramshackle, shack by a swamp. He dumped it out on a table and said "yeah, so this is what we raised", and it wasn't even that much, probably a few hundred quid. It was definitely pounds and I think was the old paper notes too, I suppose my subconscious is stuck in the past and I don't really blame it.

Anyway, we decided to go and sit in the swamp itself, like it was a jacuzzi, for a while. He was sat across the water from me. Immediately after entering the water and getting comfortable someone, I don't know who, brought me a glass of what was obviously swamp water, which for some reason I drank, probably out of politeness. However, as I was handed a a second I realised I was in Florida, and that's where they have brain eating amoebas in the water. I rushed out of the swamp, found a toilet and immediately began throwing up into it.

As I came too I realised Gamers Nexus are based in California so I was probably a-okay to drink as much swmap water as I could.
>> No. 439343 Anonymous
1st October 2020
Thursday 6:56 am
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I wrote and performed a rap song in a dream. I was quite aware it was a dream though, as I kept thinking the tune / lyrics were so good that I ought to wake up and remember it. It was quite bling and there were many dancers.

I wish a could remember the tune/lyrics.
>> No. 439380 Anonymous
3rd October 2020
Saturday 1:10 am
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>>439343

I had a dream the other night that I was somehow inside the music video to S'Express's 1988 hit Theme From S'Express. I was then asked to rhythmically keep pressing on the head of an aerosol spray can, because I actually remember reading somewhere that the hihat in that song is really a sampled spray can sound.

Proper weird stuff.

Cracking song though, if you don't know it. Although it really dates me as an oldlad.
>> No. 439385 Anonymous
3rd October 2020
Saturday 12:59 pm
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>>439380

I do know the song, but it was released a year before I was born, grandad.
>> No. 439386 Anonymous
3rd October 2020
Saturday 1:51 pm
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>>439385
You're technically old enough to be a grandad now, if you and your first child were both very motivated for it.
>> No. 439387 Anonymous
3rd October 2020
Saturday 2:01 pm
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>>439386

I wouldn't be surprised if a few people I went to school with were grandparents, you have a point.
>> No. 439413 Anonymous
5th October 2020
Monday 7:53 am
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Someone was trying to break into my shed so I was throwing plant pots out of the window at them. I ended up hitting him on the head with a paperweight, which killed him so I decided to hide that because I thought it would a bit too murderous in intent compared with a plant pot. I asked on here what to do when the rozzers came and you all told me to keep silent. Later on I was drunk and on my driveway when my neighbour's daughter walked past, who had morphed into Billie Eilish so she had gargantuan breasts. That's all I remember.
>> No. 439418 Anonymous
5th October 2020
Monday 3:02 pm
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>>439386

> if you and your first child were both very motivated for it

Broken Britain.
>> No. 439455 Anonymous
8th October 2020
Thursday 11:40 am
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I was attending a job interview at some kind of art gallery or museum. The curator was keen to emphasise how prestigious the place was by introducing me to his wealthiest and most influential clients, including the surviving members of Pink Floyd, the cast of Monty Python, and BBC's Ground Force. We all got quite drunk at the on-site bar, and I made a fool of myself asking Charlie Dimmock if they really knew it was a Roman fort from one piece of pottery or if they were just making it up for the telly- I'd mistaken them for Channel 4's Time Team.
>> No. 439496 Anonymous
9th October 2020
Friday 8:43 pm
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I was shagging my gf and something felt wrong so I pulled out and saw there was loads of black slime in the condom, when I took it off I realised my dick was falling apart, like, 'at the seams' I can only say. I tried to keep my cool and get on with things, and I remember next I was shaving and cut open a spot, which started bleeding, then bits of solid pus started coming out and more blood and pus, until eventually I could see the inside of my mouth through the wound. Needed to get that off my chest, didn't feel like telling anyone irl obviously.
Had another dream the night before I was fighting in Nagorno Karabakh but to get there I had to go to Scotland and we were all on horses and bicycles.

The whole atmosphere and occurrences in my dreams in the past 4 years I would say have gotten a lot more disturbing and menacing. I feel like they used to have more or less realistic atmospheres and settings, nowadays they're usually set in terrifying landscapes where everything is in +++HD and I can scope impossibly huge distances. They're sort of beautiful but it bothers me the next day usually. I've never had any mental problems and am much better at coping with/not submitting to anguish etc. in recent years, but dreams get more and more frightening. Pic related is the closest I can get to what the settings are like.
>> No. 439497 Anonymous
9th October 2020
Friday 9:10 pm
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>>439496

Do you eat a lot of cheese before bed?
>> No. 439498 Anonymous
9th October 2020
Friday 9:39 pm
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>>439497
But without cheese I couldn't be sane in the waking hours.
>> No. 439499 Anonymous
9th October 2020
Friday 9:54 pm
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>>439498

Get your fill of cheese before noon, then switch to decaf cheese.
>> No. 439565 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 1:32 am
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I was walking home in the pitch darkness. No street lamps were working and I was carrying a rolled up carpet. There wasn't a body or anything in there, I was just very attached to this carpet, I suppose. Anyway, something started stalking me through the dark and I tried to run, but this massive carpet was too heavy and cumbersome so I started panicking and as I looked behind me to see what was there I woke up. I'm really not sure why it was so startling that my heart beat's only just settled down, I'm just more into carpets than I knew consciously.
>> No. 439568 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 7:29 am
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I went for a haircut. I was waiting over an hour and a half and they didn't know how to do a short back and sides.
>> No. 439571 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 9:23 am
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>>439568
You won't be going back there again!
>> No. 439587 Anonymous
14th October 2020
Wednesday 9:14 pm
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There was a fly in my bedroom last night that kept pestering me from about dawn until I got up at around 9:30. Very persistent bugger that just kept flying around my head and hands and feet. I couldn't be arsed to get up and kill it, so I was drifting in an out of sleep. At some point, I then had a dream that I was talking to the fly which had suddenly grown in size to about that of a cat, and I said to it, "Mate, you have to stop doing that. It's not cool. I need a few more hours of sleep!"
>> No. 439782 Anonymous
23rd October 2020
Friday 11:18 am
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Not sure what's going on, but I've had two dreams in two days with Tony Soprano in them.
>> No. 439783 Anonymous
23rd October 2020
Friday 12:00 pm
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At my old place of work I got someone I knew from university a job, partially because I got paid under the staff referral scheme, before I jumped ship two years later as I could sense the company was in trouble. She was made redundant two years after that when the shit hit the fan.

Anyway, I dreamt that I took her out for a drink and apologised for getting her the job. Not sure where that came from.
>> No. 439787 Anonymous
24th October 2020
Saturday 1:45 am
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I fell asleep at half 9 and dreamt I'd ordered a dildo off Amazon for my fleshlight. They'd cocked it up though and sent me another fleshlight so I was going to have to send it back and try to get a refund because I didn't actually want a dildo. I'm glad this was a dream because I couldn't be arsed with all that or having that show on my Amazon purchases.

Probably the bit worth analysing: In my dream I was dating a girl I was smitten with 10 years ago but who only saw me as a friend. I felt awkward that I would probably share my sextoy saga with her but it felt nice, an accomplishment from a past era even.

I don't like how she has a seemingly permanent place within my subconscious like she's going to crop up in my mind when I'm in my 80s. Maybe I could now but she'd be a shit girlfriend and I'd hate my life. It's also more likely I'd just make a twat of myself.
>> No. 439793 Anonymous
24th October 2020
Saturday 3:22 pm
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We'd all gone for a big work night out and one of the lads brought loads of Es. Everyone was having a great time getting pissed and dancing in a shit nightclub where all the lights were still on like it was just a little local pub, but we didn't mind because they kept playing 90s hits like the Prodigy and Chemical Brothers.

I really miss going out on the lash it seems. Never has ecstasy though so I'm not sure where that bit was from.
>> No. 439831 Anonymous
24th October 2020
Saturday 11:35 pm
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>>439793

Imo it was great that the Essex Boys got slotted in their Range Rover, was like a decent SAS job.
>> No. 439879 Anonymous
27th October 2020
Tuesday 10:18 am
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I went to give maroon a surprise visit at home for some reason but it turned out the address he'd given me was on a country road with no houses, just tents; basically a massive English Hooverville. Thousands of homeless people standing around aimlessly waiting. It was getting dark and someone tried to mug me so I left.
>> No. 440019 Anonymous
1st November 2020
Sunday 9:49 pm
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I had a dream that I was to be on some group dynamics reality TV programme where they were going to put a few of us in a luxury hotel on an island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

I was all ready to go, but then I thought that I didn't feel like sharing my personal life with a television audience, however small and intellectually vacuous (the TV audience, not my life). So just before boarding the airplane to that Pacific island, I said "I'm sorry, I can't do this". They got really upset with me and told me we had a contract, but I just said "Oh fuck all that, I'm out".
>> No. 440020 Anonymous
1st November 2020
Sunday 9:51 pm
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>>439879

Are you sure that was the wrong address?
>> No. 440022 Anonymous
1st November 2020
Sunday 9:58 pm
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In my dream there was an alt rock song, "I'm gonna piss on me, I'm gonna piss on you, Gonna piss on me, then I'll piss on you."

Then I abruptly woke up desperately needing a shit.
>> No. 440023 Anonymous
1st November 2020
Sunday 9:58 pm
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I tried napping for an hour. I dreamt I was at my local barbers waiting for a haircut. Some Chinese guy sat next to me, and at the door was my ex (seemed like they were together). I waved at her, and winked. She waved back and winked. Her new boyfriend must have gotten mad, because he took his mask off, ripped mine off, and open his mouth wide to breathe at me.

It was a weird dream where I couldn't retaliate. Like I had no control over my body and couldn't do anything. He then opened his bag, which was full of bottle caps, and started flinging them at me one by one. I was getting pretty distressed, but then my phone woke me up in real life.

It was confusing. A mix of my ex, corona, and general losing-a-fight type of dream.
>> No. 440026 Anonymous
1st November 2020
Sunday 11:24 pm
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>>440023

It was a 100% losing a fight dream, then.

Not entirely surprising in These Troubled Times or whatever it's called now.
>> No. 440027 Anonymous
2nd November 2020
Monday 12:14 am
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>>440022
Had you been watching the Mighty Boosh beforehand?
>> No. 440117 Anonymous
9th November 2020
Monday 9:58 am
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I had a fairly intense sex dream about Naga Munchetty this morning, which isn't that strange because I do find her very attractive, but is odd because I really couldn't tell you the last time I saw even a moment of BBC Breakfast. So long in fact she could well be doing a completely different show now and I wouldn't know.
>> No. 440231 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 8:30 am
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I keep having dreams about Larry Bundy shagging Kim Justice.

Lockdown has finally sent me completely mental, please send help.
>> No. 440232 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 8:51 am
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>>440231

I was going to postulate they've shagged in real life, but actually I doubt it. I bet Larry has had a few sweaty bedtime wanks over Kim, though.
>> No. 440233 Anonymous
18th November 2020
Wednesday 9:00 am
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>>440232

In many ways they're a dream couple, I just don't want them in my dreams. Also I'm pretty sure that Kim is a lesbian.
>> No. 440294 Anonymous
22nd November 2020
Sunday 8:35 am
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Last night I was a hatchet man in the roman empire during the first century, think captain Willard in Apocalypse now. I had the task of tracking down and putting down a Jewish uprising by decapitating the cult leader (the leader was jesus obviously).

When I got to Jerusalem I went in a cave/open tomb in the garden of gethsemane where I found a translucent fetus like brain stem hovering in the darkness as I reach the height of my back swing to sever the brain from the stem there was a rush of energy/ light towards it and it formed into a weird small alien in the 80s foam latex style (think midget in a costume like the small Stations in bill and ted) and declared 'no! For I am the light of the world'

Next scene we are outside the cave and 'jesus' is giving a sermon on the mound speech I don't remember it fully but it concluded with the line 'follow me and I will make you richer than kings' it is apparent from the context this is an advert and jesus is actually trying to sell us on coming to the shopping centre that he has just opened.
>> No. 440295 Anonymous
22nd November 2020
Sunday 9:37 am
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I was interviewing Donald Trump via Zoom for a job at my work. I also had Teams open so the rest of my department could sneakily watch it. He somehow found out and I got sacked.
>> No. 440303 Anonymous
23rd November 2020
Monday 7:07 pm
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I had a dream that I somehow acquired a beaten up black Chevrolet C4 Corvette with a big V8 engine and was driving it around the streets of my neighbourhood with the top down, all the while thinking what a waste of money the car was, and not to mention the bad fuel economy I was getting from it.
>> No. 440304 Anonymous
23rd November 2020
Monday 8:48 pm
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>>440232
I can't stand LAWWY BANDY JUUNYA or the fact he turns up in so many videos by other creators.
>> No. 440340 Anonymous
28th November 2020
Saturday 4:04 pm
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I was in a shop to buy a few things, and then I suddenly saw my neighbour's credit card in my wallet, for some reason, so I paid the £35 or so with it. When I left the shop, I became worried that it would affect my own credit score if it came out that I was illegally using my neighbour's credit card unbeknownst to him, and so I was trying to figure out how to send him the money back via Paypal, maybe with a message that I was sorry I used his card. But I then realised that I had no idea what his Paypal handle was.
>> No. 440581 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 2:05 pm
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>>440294
Keep on it, The Bible needs a good modernisation.

>>440304
He's looking really unwell/swampy these days. That said, I never found his stuff of any interest really. I don't think it's possible to dress up tedious HR drama from a games company that went bust in '92 as anything other than tedious HR drama from a games company that went bust in '92. That, and his flagship series sounds like quite a rude slur.


Do any of you ever return to the dreamworlds you've made, which are either just overly embellished versions of places from your past, or cobbled together from bits you've imagined, to sort of half make sense? I've found myself this past week returning to this gorge with a stream running through it, which doesn't exist, but is an extension of a well remembered, actual location. A soggy two mile traipse leads to a climbable embankment and a forest which is on the opposite side of the stream as would be found IRL, also roughly two miles hence. It's really strange, but I'm sure you fellas have also had the same experience.
>> No. 440583 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 2:36 pm
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>>440581

I have a second and third home (both in terrible condition, not really fit for human habitation - especially in winter). They're both in different pseudoreal world locations and sometimes they're the same place but I seem to dream about at least one of them a month.
>> No. 440586 Anonymous
9th December 2020
Wednesday 3:10 pm