What's with the slag?

Looks like Scarlett Moffatt after fat camp weight loss counselling.

>>426868
Well that one lad in /shed/ thread is going to be livid.

My latest dream was one of pure tedium. I was taking a shit and no matter how much I wiped, the paper/baby wipes I was using wouldn't come away clean. I ended up going in the shower and, well it got a lot worse from there. The smells involved were uncanny.

When I awoke, immediately rushed to bathroom to survey the damage incase I shit myself in my sleep, but it came away clean. We need a lad with a book for analysing dreams so we can get to the bottom of these things, iykwim. Aityd.

I had a dream I wad a friendless NEET, with no motivation, a confused mind and no sense of purpose, and worst of all I can't wake up! LOL!

>>426881
Have a whinge there, cuz. We are ultimately the architects of our own hells, try harder. Discipline is key. No one wants to meditate twice a day, but if it helps them function they do it because that what it takes to feel like you live with purpose.

The only difference between you and 90% of the human population is discipline.

I had a dream that I was at Techmoan's house and helped him film one of his puppet segments for his youtube channel.

But we couldn't agree on the script for the bit, and then he said to me, "Look, if you're going to be a tedious arse about it, then I'd rather you let me do this on my own, like I always do".

>>426880

oh wow, I've been having this exact recurring dream lately. WTF?

>>426882
Guess I'll die then.

>>426884
Turn auto-capitalisation on, m9. Fuck sake.

Also, it's weird we've both had that dream. Do you suffer from a generalised anxiety disorder? I had assumed it might be an anxiety dream.

>>426885
Guess you will.

I was watching this youtube video some young man with frizzy hair had made, it was a short creepy thing where he went down into some basement he shouldn't (looking for a valve to turn off something or other) and found a strange white-painted complex of tunnels and labs where there was one person (who looked like Juggarnaut made flesh, his shiny bald head domed down to his shoulders) doing all the roles of security, scientist and some exercises for some reason. He mainly just aggressively shouted at the youtuber to leave, which he tried but kept having these weird blackout flashes which would take him further into the complex. The strange man seemed to be playing all the roles at once so you'd see more than one of him at the same time in different positions like clones but still with the sense it was just the one person, hard to tell if there were two+ of him at once or the blackouts just made it seem that way. The video ended and the youtuber started explaining how he'd made it, given the actor directions and such but the blackouts kept happening and I was having hallucinations of the weird guy trying to come in through the window, sort of the way you do when you're half awake and having hypnogagic stuff happening in your real home. The video was called something to do with Everest, three-four words and one of them was Everest but I forget what. "The Steep Climb to Everest" maybe.
Then I woke up and the blackouts stopped.
Mainly notable because the whole thing was so note-for-note like a creepypasta someone might come up with.

I was walking back to my student flat, walked up the stairway and through the front door and there was some fat middle aged alco just lying half passed out on the floor inside. I tried to wake him and move him on and he shuffled slowly towards the door but I started to suspect there was more to this and accused him of trying to burgle us.
This flicked a switch in the guys mind as he'd been busted, turns out it was an act and he just improvised when I came in. After being rumbled he started throwing comically small knives at me, then left through the door and I chased him a bit until he produced a larger knife and then started chasing me. Through a gigantic shopping centre with cathedral like proportions and a buffet bar the size of a great hall, but with seating only around the walls.

Then later on this chubby chap returned in my dreams but this time I was in a 4 storey tall terrace house. Suspecting that there were burglars casing places along the road I switched the lights so that it looked like nobody was downstairs, then went and watched our front window. Sure enough the guy wandered past our living room window and sneakily checked it out, I caught him doing this then burst out the door and gave chase. He had throwing knives again but I managed to chase him around and down some alleyways where he then ran into his own home. So I broke into his home and had a knife fight with him. Can't remember the result.

All the talk about Scarlett Moffatt lately made me dream last night that I was sitting on her couch with her on the show Gogglebox and she was giving me a hand job under a blanket while we were watching TV and moaning about it. So I said, "are you sure your parents won't mind?", but then I looked and saw that there was nobody there besides the two of us.

So yeah, Scarlett Moffatt wanked me off on national TV in my dream last night. I can't remember if it was any good though.

I was at work and a huge black man came in. One of my coworkers said "he's a big guy", then my manager and I said "for you" at the same time, then looked at each other and high fived for both knowing the epic Bane meme.

>>427133
I work with someone who said "You can't barrage the saville" on Friday, after informing us he'd voted for the Brexit Party. He's a pasty runt of a kid who is the butt of almost every joke so it doesn't surprise me at all that he's the type of person who visits /pol/ on Funchan.

Using some sort of videogame interface for building roads and a petrol station in a small coastal village. Then there was a council meeting and someone complained that the roads were going right through some bird's nesting grounds. I stopped the construction works, we voted off the council the two blokes who were trying to defend them then wandered through the village until it got dark looking at ways we could make it more ecological and arguing the toss over how damaging the impact of doing so would be to the village economy but also how the people would be happier and healthier.
It was a beautiful place and as the sun was going down and we were walking back to the village hall, a girl with hyper-vivid eyes was firmly holding my hand.
That was a good dream I think.

I'm living in another country at the moment but still occasionally get "false awakening" type dreams where I'm still back home living in my parents.

It's disorienting and quite upsetting.

I keep having dreams again about arriving in Gran Canaria and driving my hire car from the airport to Playa del Inglés, like I always do when I am there.

The island beckons me again.

As soon as a few work related projects are completed, I will start looking at holiday offers again, with a view to spending another week or two there around late July or early August.

>>427134 "You can't barrage the saville" ... dunno what that even means but it sounds good

>>427674
Word filters.

Also, learn to format your posts; they look atrocious.

>>427675
I've read it as 'Euroseptic' initially and immediately thought that no good fortune ever comes out of such thing.

I swear to Christ if he mentions Gran Canaria again I'm going to sink the whole damned island.

>>427677

I wish he'd say Las Palmas sometimes just to mix it up.

>>427680

Las Palmas is only a small part of the island. City of about 390,000 on an island just slightly smaller than Greater London.

>>427681

>City of about 390,000 on an island just slightly smaller than Greater London.

Right, well if I said I was off to Peckham for my holidays but ended up in Brixton, would anyone care?

>>427684

> I said I was off to Peckham for my holidays

That'd be the point where I personally would stop caring.

What's the red sauce like in Peckham?

I had a dream that I was poring over some cost effectiveness numbers at work, and then suddenly my maths teacher from school appeared, looked at my calculations and said, "Wrong! That's all wrong! I know you had a scant grasp on maths in my class, but this is just embarrassing!"

I had joined the US army for some reason (despite not being a seppo), as a Second Lieutenant. We were moving into base, but it turns out the base was basically a static caravan park. I moved into mine, which for some reason had two floors, and found loads of leftover booze.

I dreamt I was eating KFC. I think it's because I've never eaten KFC in my life.

>>427760

You're definitely not missing anything. The Zinger tower burger is quite good, but if you want a burger you should just go to a maccys or BK.

>>427760
I had KFC for the first time in years a week ago and I was roundly disappointed. It wasn't my idea and I didn't want to get on my high horse about eating at local takeaways over multinational franchises, but... I never saw a reason not to and I wasn't convinced otherwise.

>>427760

I like a KFC. As chain take-aways go, I think it's the one with the most actual flavour.

Maccies is better for overall variety and predictable, reliably mediocre but palatable food.

Burger King is... I don't even know what, these days. They cost twice the price and more often taste like the microwaved, cold, soggy bollocks they are. At least with Maccies it's always warm-ish, and tastes reasonably fresh.

>>427767
Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards or succumb to their slightly underhanded upselling. Their meat is far superior in quality to McDs as well. It reminds me more of Five Guys than microwave meals.

>>427769
>Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards
The students behind the counter don't get paid enough to haggle.

>>427769

It's still muggery. They give you vouchers through their app, in exchange for your mortal soul and unborn children, and it takes the rip off of a seven quid bacon double cheeseburger down to a just about okay fiver. Same principle as Dominoes.

The meat is shite too, unless they've upped their game in the two or three years since I've found myself stuck in Sheffield train station and desperate.I remember it being much betyter when I was a child and teenlad, where it actually had that chargrill taste to differentiate it from the competition. But they seem to have started struggling from the mid '00s onwards.

If I'm having fast food then I'll usually go for Burger King as I haven't had anything else that tops their bacon double cheeseburger.

Poultry only really exists to bulk out meals like curries. Chicken burgers and chicken sandwiches are nothing snacks. Might as well be eating paper.

>>427796

Chicken salads were the worst. It's like a little hors d'oeuvre that leaves you wanting ACTUAL lunch after.

>>427769
>Burger King is actually quite cheap, provided you're not stupid enough to pay the price up on the boards
I only recently discovered their voucher-laden app; unless it is this, I don't understand where this discount you are alluding to is supposed to come from?

I'm up on my high horse and I'm telling you to eat at local takeaways!

>>427824
I don't think I've ever had a burger from a local takeaway as nice as you can get from the likes of Burger King.

>>427824

This is only viable advice for people who live within range of a takeaway that makes actually good burgers, and this is somewhat rare - most takeaway burgers and pizza are generic and straight from some corporation that makes frozen takeaway food anyway.

Moreover, most Burger Kings, Maccys, Papa Johns, etc are franchises anyway, so by boycotting them you're still only mostly taking money away from a local businessperson.

Kebab vans/shops are where to get a nice burger. You can get cabbage on them.

>>427824
No takeaway save for proper chains do good burgers round my area. I'll use the term good burger loosely though since even the chains don't do that good of a job.
Most local takeaway burgers are some sorry excuse, some soggy and greasy sad looking mess that half the time is carbonised.

>>427846
>You can get cabbage on them.

Why? Why would you do that?

>>427825
>>427830
>>427847
I'll concede burgers aren't my forte so perhaps buying local isn't worth it.

>>427848
Adds a new dimension of flavour.

I was getting a haircut and sat down in the chair and then spotted an old issue of Time Magazine on the counter in front of me. The front page had a picture of Princess Diana on it, with the headline "Lady Diana - The smile that enchanted investors". 

I then said to the person cutting my hair, "Truly the biggest human tragedy that happened in those days". I then paused and said, "Oh wait... let's not forget September 11". 

My dream me has such an odd sense of perspective sometimes.

>>427854

Yeah, but that dimension is cabbage.

>>427862

Shredded white cabbage is quite nice on a burger. It has the crispness of iceberg lettuce, but it doesn't immediately go limp on contact with the hot beefy poz load and it has some actual flavour. There's nothing weird about raw cabbage in coleslaw, so why is it weird on a burger?

>>427863

>There's nothing weird about raw cabbage in coleslaw, so why is it weird on a burger?

Because a burger and coleslaw are two different things. Or, to put it another way - there's nothing weird about pooing in a toilet, so why is it weird on your mum's face?

>>427864

And yet coleslaw is often a vital part of a more upmarket burger, possibly the sort with pulled prokaryotic and some BBQ sauce to contrast it.

Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face, but altogether arousing on a low class prostitute.

I dream of work. Help me.

>>427866

Have you tried having a hobby?

>>427866
Work is a fantastic escape from real life.

>>427865

>Much in the same way a poo is wrong on your mum's face

Depends on the lad's mum.

>>427869
In some cases they're one and the same.

I'm notifying HR about the direction this thread has taken.

>>427875

>HR

Hereditary Redheads?
Hosiery Recruits?
Heretic Romanians?



Coat gotten.

I was shooting people again. A Steyr with a weird red dot sight device that also provided magnification.
There were some good 800 metres between me and my targets. I remember having to compensate for the distance.
No idea what to make out of this. It was fun.

I got called out. I fucked up (in real life), and haven't had the chance to apologise yet. All my dreams have been about it, but in one of them I did and then the guy just went "you don't get apologising, do you?"

>>427996
What did you do?

>>427934
Did you kill anyone?

>>427997

Did it involve an iPhone?

Dreamlad is cancelled.

I had a dream last night that I was finally standing up to a school bully who made a large part of my two or three last years of school a big nightmare. I was finally giving him all the smart comebacks without a hint of fear that I would never have been capable of back then. And then at the end, I threw him to the ground in some sort of surprise martial arts combat tactics move and said to him, "Now you listen to me, and listen good. You're done bullying me for all eternity, or I'll come and set your house on fire and fuck your sister from here to next Tuesday".

I would've given anything to have been able to do something like that for real back then.

Dreamed about buying plants. Was quite pleased to find a number of cheap succulents to keep around the house.
More noteworthy is that it's a house I've dreamed about three or four times now. As far as I'm aware it doesn't exist or at least I've never seen or been in it but the décor and layout is largely the same every time I dream about it.

>>428516
There is nothing wrong with spending the day buying succulents for around the house. I like your dream and might follow it today.

I dreamt about travelling up norf to watch a Crystal Palace vs Liverpool match. I ended up rubbing the Crystal Palace fans the wrong way and was inadvertently IRL trolling them, but I was well received by the Liverpool supporters.

I don't even like football but I have been thinking about moving somewhere up north for the cheaper cost of living and lebensraum.

>>428647
>up norf
>Crystal Palace

You Southerners sure are funny.

>>428650

Lad. Croydon is south of the river, even we know it is south, he is obviously talking about where the bike theives live in the suburbs of Manchester.

>>428651

Croydon Facelifts are the only noteworthy thing to come out of Croydon.

I was an extra in a film, I was playing a Polish POW in WW2, being held by the Germans in what was basically a big shallow ditch. The set was in the middle of the countryside. I was the only one there and the only German guard actor was just milling about. An Irish girl who wasn't in the film but was basically Saoirse Ronan kept coming over to talk to me. I've been in love with Ronan since she held a baby at the Turner Prize a few years ago. I mention that too often.

Later the guard was changed to a Red Army one and Not-Ronan warned me he was dangerous because he'd actually been a camp guard. He kept shoot his PPD-40 randomly, it was specifically that gun, but neither of us were especially bothered by the firing, just faintly suprised.

>>428718

Slightly tangential, but how does one pick up extra work? I saw the Game of Thrones documentary earlier on and I was inspired to go stand in a field while being filmed.

>>428718

Is that the gun that was OP as fuck in the first Call of Duty?

I feel like there's loads of variants and I'll look like a knob for not knowing the precise model of a firearm on the internet.

Ah fuck I've got to google it now. Nevermind.

>>428719
Starnow is the best place I think.

>>428720
AFAIR there was no PPD in CoD 1.
PPSh, yes. It's a similarly looking SMG. I don't recall it being particularly over-powered. The 64-round magazine was the dog's though.

>>428719
>>428723
Be aware that a lot of productions have the idea that even though they're taking up your time and just standing around is quite literally the job, they're not going to pay you to just stand around.

>>428728
What's your point? Always check your contract? Get specific instructions about the role?

>>428729
An awful lot of background work is unpaid, and "think fast, Malkovich" is unlikely to fly these days.

>>428733

One of my mates was an extra on Eastenders once. I think all he had to do was walk through a shot in the background of a scene about a dozen times until they got that scene right. I'm not sure if he actually got paid, but he did say he was allowed to eat as much of the on-set catering as he wanted. And apparently the catering was really good there.