https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xyjk4sDxnI

Annual Andrew update: he's still a massive Apple fanboy and making augmented reality things that I don't really follow.

https://twitter.com/AndrewHartAR

Obligatory.

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm

Someone I have added on Facebook has uploaded a picture of their Christmas tree. It's full of baubles with pictures of their dead family members in them. They're not even nice pictures; if I wanted to remember my mum I'd try and find a picture of her from good times rather than when she's on death's door with all sorts of tubes going in and out of her.

>>448152
I bought the tree on Sunday, that's how far ahead of the curve I am this year.

Heinz is launching Terry's Chocolate Orange Mayo for Christmas

https://www.mirror.co.uk/money/shopping-deals/heinz-launching-terrys-chocolate-orange-25584760

Science has gone too far.

>>448158
Oh now that just sounds like all kinds of disgusting.

>>448158
I assume it's not actually mayonaise, right? There's no egg and vinegar in it?

>>448160
You make bad assumptions.

>>448160
>To create this chocolate orange mayo, the team at Heinz blended Heinz [Seriously] Good Mayonnaise with melted Terry’s Chocolate Orange segments, Crème Patissière and an extra dose of Terry’s Chocolate Orange’s signature real orange oil for good measure.

I've just been up in the loft to get down the outdoor Christmas lights, it's fucking freezing up there.

I'm pretty much set for Christmas, but it doesn't require much input from me other than buying presents for my family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFgAllmI6LY

It's been roughly four years and counting since Kunt released anything decent.

The Maltesers advent calender has no Maltesers in it. They're just solid chocolate, no little bits of the stuff like you'd find in a tub of Celebrations. I'm aghast.

>>448185
You'll get one of those reindeers to eat at Christmas.

>>448186
It will be like eating ash.

>>448185

That's nothing, I had a pack of extra-strong Lockets where half of them didn't even have a liquid centre. They were just extremely rude boiled sweets.

>>448176
Will Gary Glitter get royalties from this egregious act of musical tribute?

>>448189
I assumed Kunt would be giving most of the money to charity, not sure if that negates royalties.

>put off the present shopping for at least a fortnight

This year I fell for the scare stories and did all my Christmas shopping on Black Friday because I find it hard enough to buy presents for people.

What I noticed is that shopping for teens has become effectively impossible even in November from a mixture of delivery times, price inflation and shortages. I feel bad for giving my nephews £35 Amazon vouchers but I'm not going to be spending my evening looking at bollocks or buying things that I like on the off-chance they might get into it. Better to make them do the choosing and in the process teach the lesson of how stressful a limited amount of money can be.

>>448203
If you're getting your nephews anything other than a Lynx gift box you're doing the nation a great disservice.

Decided to start wearing my Christmas jumper on the 1st this year rather than for about 20 minutes on Christmas day.

>>448208
I've been wearing as mine as well, but that's largely because it's cold working from home and nobody is really going to see me wearing it.

>>448204

I tried that "Cookies and Leather" Lynx recently, and I think I may have expereienced the opposite of "olfactory fatigue". It's not a disgusting scent, but it's extremely distracting. It made me wonder if aniyone within nostril distance thought I was a bumder wot lost their bottle of J₀⁰p!.

>>448209
In my experience, Christmas jumpers are always clumps of acrylic nothing that are utterly freezing to wear. Your jumper might keep you warm at home, but don't go outside in it or you'll die from hypothermia.

>>448214
I wear Joop. You can often get 100ml of Joop Go for <£15 on Amazon.

>>448220

Tony's chocolate advent calendar has an empty window today to highlight the unfairness within the cocoa trade. Bear in mind these cost £13.

https://twitter.com/TonysChocoUK_IE/status/1468510556202090498

>>448251

Twats.

>>448251>>448257
I'm not saying you pair are autistic, but the fact you've still not gotten over Tony's making their choclate bars' seams all mismatched is leading me towards certain conclusions.

>>448258
If they're going to charge that much for a product for children and then have a blank and empty window with no explanation behind it, the justification is all online, then it's going to backfire. They've admitted they've fucked up.

Apparently there's 25 chocolates in the calendar, but they're all odd sizes.

>>448251
Tony's chocolate is really fucking good (though probably not worth £13 for a calandar).

>>448258

It's both annoying in practical terms, and about as forecast shippy as you can get. And the chocolate isn't even that good.

Personally, that leads me to conclusions of my own about the sort of people who buy and support the brand.

>>448263
You can get regular shaped triangular Tony's chocolate through their collaboration with Aldi. That might soothe your autism.

https://www.tonysopenchain.com/participants/aldi/

>>448264

Why though? It's not even that good, and a triangle is still a bloody awkward shape to try and eat chocolate in.

There's nothing autistic about it, it's just that breaking off a square is far easier and leads to far less wasted bits that snap off and get down your keks.

You're simping for a company that's ripping you off.

>>448265
A triangle is far easier to snap off than a square.

>>448265
A triangle is far easier to snap off than a square.

>>448265
>You're simping
Stop talking like this immediately.

It's meant to be Christmas fuddle tomorrow and there's been arguments all week about whether it's safe to go ahead due to coronavirus or if everyone should chip in for them to get outside caterers to make something for everyone individually instead. It's still not been resolved, but petty drama and squabbling like this makes me glad I very rarely have to go into the office these days.

>>448278
POTY

This is probably going to be the fourth year in a row LadBaby gets Christmas number one with a song about sausage rolls.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3gi2RIYSP0

>>448281
Despise the cunt. I appreciate he's doing good, but his schtick is tiresome, and he just comes across as a prick.

>>448282
I'm not a fan, but he knows how to cater to his target market of mongs right down to the way they're holding the phone to record.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQ9C4iwbdU

>>448283
>target market of mongs

Christ you weren't kidding.

>>448283
Should tattoos be grounds to have someone sectioned under the Mental Health Act?

>>448285
I hope they're only temporary ones. What must go through someone's head to get a tattoo related to flash in the pan novelty songs which will be all but forgotten in 10 years time? I wonder how many people got Gangnam Style tattoos, or Mr Blobby back in the day.

>>448285>>448286
It's poverty of ambition and imagination.

I realise this is heading into "poor people shouldn't waste their money on large tellies, Sky TV, booze and fags" but it isn't uncommon for paupers to save up their benefits to get themselves a new tattoo as a treat.

At the end of the day, is a LadBaby sausage roll tattoo worse than other people who decide their personality should be defined by the media they consume? Grown men with Lego, anyone with a Funko Pops collection, someone getting a tattoo of the Joker, you get the idea.

Own up, which one of you lads writes for The Mail?

>Tony's Chocolonely decided to leave its advent calendar empty on December 8. The chocolate firm said it made the move to highlight slave labour policies. However, it has now apologised after parents of autistic children slammed move.

https://www.Please don't ban me.co.uk/news/article-10302869/Woke-chocolate-firm-apologises-leaving-advent-calendar-day-blank.html

>>448287
>It's poverty of ambition and imagination.
I don't entirely agree. Things like this, I imagine they decided to get it done after it turned into a sort of in-joke with their friends, nights spend having a few tins and laughing about it. While it is something that was designed and served up to them by faceless corporate drones, it may well relate to powerful interpersonal connections for the person with the tattoo. It may remind them of their mates and the time spent bonding over the icon. In many ways that's much less sad than the many (not all) grown men whose Funko Pop collections are the product of parasocial relationships to the media corporation, instead of other people.

>>448350
I agree who are we to judge whether a tattoo of LadBaby has more meaning than, say, my mate's Tool or Porcupine Tree tattoos.

However, I counted at least eight rather crude LadBaby tattoos on her arms so I don't think she's firing on all synapses.

Arshavin in the last ~20 seconds of this video really reminds me of Andrew.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUycereKHy8

>>448351
>firing on all synapses.
She could have epilepsy, you don't know.

>>448353

Should've got Rod Stewart in.

I'm starting to think that Kunt posts here.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYLDBgZlQd4

>>448394

Worryingly, I think we just happen to be on the same wavelength.

>>448396
We'll have to see whether his next shit song involves chocolate autism.

Apparently I'm the bastard man for leaving the Bounty chocolates in the Celebrations tub because I'm the only one who will eat them.

I can't wait to get out of London, go home, see some family and not think about things for a few days and sleep and enjoy festivities.

That's not stopped people putting in meetings for next week however. Why? Who actually wants to be working?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsRJ-iRZasQ

SOSSAGE ROLLS

The fuck do I get my mum and dad? I've already bought them a box of Thorntons, I'll probably get the token bottle of wine, but I need at least enough bits to fill up one of those gift bags, and it gets harder every year.

They're deeply boring people who I barely have anything to even talk about with. I don't dislike them, it's just really difficult to spend time with them, it's like pullingteeth trying to keep a conversation going. All my dad does is watch telly, all my mum does is sit on the iPad playing candy crush or whatever.

I could probably makea whole /emo/ post about this but now is not the time. My concern right now is merely keeping up appearances via the mutual ritualistic participation in obligatory consumerism.

I've no clue. Help?

>>448414
My dad is getting Bob Mortimer's autobiography, a Wasgij and chocolate.

My mum is getting walking socks and a garden ornament.

>>448414
They sound very like my parents. Do your parents show any thought in shopping for you? My parents ask me for an exact list of what I want, and then stick to it precisely without deviation. If you try asking them, they might well tell you and then you could just buy that.

>>448414
I got my dad a coffee calendar and my mum a box of teas. Simples.

Not sure why you'd expect to have much common ground with your parents. You're using an obscure internet message board so you'll always have difficulty relating to people in general, even those your own age.

>>448415

Garden ornament seems like a good shout. To be fair my mum is usually happy with any old tat, but my dad is a royal pain in the arse. I used to be able to buy him tools and the like, he was a mechanic before he retired but nowadays he has no need for any of it, there's nothing he has to do around the house and they've downsized to a single car. I'm stumped.

>>448416

Nah, we haven't done lists since I was about 13 and it would be weird to start again in my 30s. We're very much at the stage of buying only token gifts, and honestly I'm fine with it, as long as they get me some socks and pants every year, because otherwise I wouldn't have any.

>>448414
>They're deeply boring people who I barely have anything to even talk about with. I don't dislike them, it's just really difficult to spend time with them, it's like pullingteeth trying to keep a conversation going. All my dad does is watch telly, all my mum does is sit on the iPad playing candy crush or whatever.

Just got back home for Christmas. Scary how much this echoes my situation.

Haven't posted here in a very long time, but I'm glad to see the tradition is still alive and well.

I think the idea of gift giving is lovely. You give something that shows you care about them, something that shows you know them as a person. That you listen, that you're in tune with who they are and what makes them happy.

But there's this horrible irony about it all, where most of the time it's just a "oh fuck I need to get auntie Sandra something, um I'll add that handcare set to basket, that'll do".

>>448436

I just woke up from a stress dream in which I realised that a random lass from work was definitely buying me an elaborate, thoughtful gift and I had neglected to get her anything. I woke up sweating. I barely know this lass.

What I'm trying to say is that I agree with your sentiment.

>>448434
Embrace it for what it is. If I spend an extended period of time at my parents it inevitably means spending time on the sofa watching telly with not a great deal being said. There's no point fighting it as you won't be able to change them. Go with the flow, treat yourself to a crisp sandwich and either bring a book or shitpost on here using your phone.

Then again, I have a family of my own so the thought of having a day off from them doing absolutely fuck all sounds like bliss. A day off from your family is more valuable than a day off work.

>>448435
Do we have any other traditions these days?

>>448436
I only buy presents for immediate family, although I'd be doing secret santa if I wasn't self employed.

It looks like all the bosses have decided to take this week off work. This is fantastic aside from the fact that I have work to do and now will procrastinate until the last minute.

>>448437
You can always embrace another .gs tradition and give her the gift that will last a lifetime.

>>448438

It sounds like bliss, to be honest. Me and my Mum get on just fine, but she loves to talk about everything that's gone wrong since I last saw her, so I end up feeling like a therapist that's being paid in cava and pigs in blankets.

My parents are separated, but the rare occasion I do end up at my dads, he just tries desperately to convince me and everyone else he's middle class, because he remarried to a middle class bird with a good career and he obviously has a chip on his shoulder about it, and so does she. I would certainly prefer silence in front of the TV than him giving wikipedia level explanations of philosophical ideas while his wife, closer to my age than his, pointedly brings up my career over and over in thinly vieled jabs at his life as a kept man. (Still not sure if she wants to fuck me, I'll figure it out)

But silence seems more enjoyable.

>>448440
I feel like you've posted about whether your dad's wife wants to fuck you before. Either that or there's several of you.

>>448441

It wouldn't surprise me if I'd posted before about it, I'm usually pretty good at reading signs (or a lack thereof) but shes always right on the border between the two, which probably means she's just playing around.

The trouble is I don't have much of a relationship with my dad, good or bad, never have. So shagging his wife would never really be the trangressive, exciting, forbidden act it would be for most, nor would it be a triumphant, revenge driven climactic victory over all the ways he's wronged me or anything like that. It'd likely be far more exciting for her than me.

The interconnectedness of all things used to drive me to drink but these days I have overcome my struggle with holism.

>>448440

I wouldn't read too much into it. She sounds like she's just the kind of person who enjoys belittling people, and she's made your dad into an amusing little pincushion. Usually this is driven by deep insecurities about themselves, in my experience. Ugly people all around.

>>448446

Maybe. Might get my dick wet, though

>>448447

Stirring your old man's porridge?

>>448438
>Do we have any other traditions these days?

Sporadic posting of old Britchan memes.

>>448451
So that's what you lot have been going on about for the past nine-and-a-half years. I had a similar problem trying to photograph vinyl records a couple of years ago, only much worse because it was my hideous face, not my beautiful knob, crashing the photo.

There's this forum I use that always goes a bit weird around Christmas. There's only about 16 or so active users and you can tell from when they've been logging on that they've been visiting the site every day, often several times during the day, but for the past week or so the amount of activity has massively dropped off. I mean things like if a new thread is posted most users won't even open it and read it, nevermind considering actually replying to it. It happens every year without fail and it sort of feels like they're trying to prove to either themselves or everyone else they're too busy doing cool things elsewhere, despite the fact they're a regular user to a niche interest forum and they're still visiting the place on a frequent basis.

>>448454
I think most online places go a bit weird during the holidays, us included.

>>448455
I don't think we get any weirder than usual.

>>448455

This place is weird to me. It's the online equivalent of hanging out with a friend's friends you don't really know. You get the basic premise of most of the conversations, even some of the in-jokes, but it also can be a little weird or hard to grasp and you're not sure why.

What are you veggies and vegans having for Christmas dinner this year?

>>448458

Speak for yourself, but I'm one of your mate's mates and you're that one wierdo from work he brought with him, making the vibe all awkward because we're trying not to make you feel left out even though we can tell you're a bit of a lightweight and we're all being a bit too boisterous and laddish for you.

Ladbaby has been throwing a teary about Kunt possibly derailing his Ego trip.

>>448462

To me, Ladbaby somehow seems more of a cunt than Kunt. He's that sort of bloke who gets invited to a sesh but doesn't really know anyone that well, but will still unashamedly try to blag a couple of lines off you, do half the fucking bag and then never, ever even entertain the possibility of returning the favour. Whereas Kunt seems like he'd just be a bit too loud and talk a bit too much about the fishscale he "could have got" if you'd only told him last week. Which is still a cunt but a much milder cunt - you can at least empathise with his decisions.

>>448462
At least Kunt is taking it in good spirits.

>>448463
LadBaby is a vainglorious cunt. When you actually look on YT channel, most of his videos are around the 200k mark. Yes, this is more than most YouTubers; but it's not really big influencer numbers. I appreciate he is trying to make the most of his fifteen minutes with books and songs and all that, but he will be forgotten about in five years time. I imagine when we're watching the "Every Xmas No. 1" shows on MTV, they'll be WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT by his songs reaching number 1, and look at them with disdain.

Also his wife is really fucking hot and I want to have sex with her, but I cannot due to LadBaby.

>>448465
>Also his wife is really fucking hot and I want to have sex with her

I was waiting for this comment.

>>448464
He’s in the front page of Wikipedia today.

It doesn't feel like Christmas is two days away. It's suddenly just... here.

>>448466
I was curious so I looked.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/ladbaby-christmas-number-1-the-kunts-b1980789.html

>Alluding to The Kunts’ track, Hoyle said that he would rather choose positivity at Christmas and continued: “It takes a certain sort of person to download a song with that in the title, but you never know.”

>“There’s definitely an element that people aren’t happy with this government, but our song is for charity – I don’t believe theirs is – and ours is trying to raise more money than ever for food banks. It’s something that is even more important given everything that is going on.”

>In a statement shared with The Independent, The Kunts confirmed that they had made large donations to MIND and Cardiac Risk in the Young following the success of their song “Boris Johnson is a F***ing C***” in last year’s Christmas No 1 race. They said that they chose to donate like this rather than releasing a “charity single” to cut out “the large percentage accrued by record companies, sales platforms like Amazon and Apple, management, marketing and PR”.

Yeah, LadBaby has strongly indicated that he is a self absorbed cunt. Not to be too idealistic, but if these christmas number ones actually meant anything more than the shuffling around of dosh, Kunt criticising the Tories is ostensibly addressing the problem, whereas Ladbaby funding foodbanks is basically just feeding into their ineptitude. If political music actually got anything done, he'd be a hypocrite.

>>448465 is spot on apart from the bit about his wife, she's fucking grim. I know you can't all be Captain Japseye for the whales, and some of this must be ironic.

>>448470
How much did his single last year actually raise for charidee?

Kunt sez.
“We may be vulgar in the language we use to get our point across but we would not be so vulgar as to use food banks to hawk records, increase our profile or sign lucrative sponsorship deals. Let me be clear, we would not stoop to using poverty, hunger and despair to promote our career like we believe LadBaby have done in this year’s Christmas number one campaign.”

>>448473
Talking posh like that isn't going to win him any favours. Innit.

On the one hand LadBaby is an ignorant Tory, but on the other Kunt is really crass and obnoxious, so hopefully someone else beats them both.

>>448475
I wouldn't say he's a Tory, it's more that he'd rather bury his head in the sand and deal with the symptoms rather than confronting the cause because it's more convenient. It's good for his brand to look like he's doing something.

He's the kind of cunt who'll do a sky dive for charity, pretending it's for a good cause but it's really for his benefit.

>LadBaby
How old is Ladbaby's baby now? It must be pushing four or five. It can probably talk. Does it still appear in videos ever?

>>448477
The baby is in the new sausage rolls song.