https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Xyjk4sDxnI

Annual Andrew update: he's still a massive Apple fanboy and making augmented reality things that I don't really follow.

https://twitter.com/AndrewHartAR

Obligatory.

http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/bells.htm

Someone I have added on Facebook has uploaded a picture of their Christmas tree. It's full of baubles with pictures of their dead family members in them. They're not even nice pictures; if I wanted to remember my mum I'd try and find a picture of her from good times rather than when she's on death's door with all sorts of tubes going in and out of her.

>>448152
I bought the tree on Sunday, that's how far ahead of the curve I am this year.

Heinz is launching Terry's Chocolate Orange Mayo for Christmas

https://www.mirror.co.uk/money/shopping-deals/heinz-launching-terrys-chocolate-orange-25584760

Science has gone too far.

>>448158
Oh now that just sounds like all kinds of disgusting.

>>448158
I assume it's not actually mayonaise, right? There's no egg and vinegar in it?

>>448160
You make bad assumptions.

>>448160
>To create this chocolate orange mayo, the team at Heinz blended Heinz [Seriously] Good Mayonnaise with melted Terry’s Chocolate Orange segments, Crème Patissière and an extra dose of Terry’s Chocolate Orange’s signature real orange oil for good measure.

I've just been up in the loft to get down the outdoor Christmas lights, it's fucking freezing up there.

I'm pretty much set for Christmas, but it doesn't require much input from me other than buying presents for my family.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFgAllmI6LY

It's been roughly four years and counting since Kunt released anything decent.

The Maltesers advent calender has no Maltesers in it. They're just solid chocolate, no little bits of the stuff like you'd find in a tub of Celebrations. I'm aghast.

>>448185
You'll get one of those reindeers to eat at Christmas.

>>448186
It will be like eating ash.

>>448185

That's nothing, I had a pack of extra-strong Lockets where half of them didn't even have a liquid centre. They were just extremely rude boiled sweets.

>>448176
Will Gary Glitter get royalties from this egregious act of musical tribute?

>>448189
I assumed Kunt would be giving most of the money to charity, not sure if that negates royalties.

>put off the present shopping for at least a fortnight

This year I fell for the scare stories and did all my Christmas shopping on Black Friday because I find it hard enough to buy presents for people.

What I noticed is that shopping for teens has become effectively impossible even in November from a mixture of delivery times, price inflation and shortages. I feel bad for giving my nephews £35 Amazon vouchers but I'm not going to be spending my evening looking at bollocks or buying things that I like on the off-chance they might get into it. Better to make them do the choosing and in the process teach the lesson of how stressful a limited amount of money can be.

>>448203
If you're getting your nephews anything other than a Lynx gift box you're doing the nation a great disservice.

Decided to start wearing my Christmas jumper on the 1st this year rather than for about 20 minutes on Christmas day.

>>448208
I've been wearing as mine as well, but that's largely because it's cold working from home and nobody is really going to see me wearing it.

>>448204

I tried that "Cookies and Leather" Lynx recently, and I think I may have expereienced the opposite of "olfactory fatigue". It's not a disgusting scent, but it's extremely distracting. It made me wonder if aniyone within nostril distance thought I was a bumder wot lost their bottle of J₀⁰p!.

>>448209
In my experience, Christmas jumpers are always clumps of acrylic nothing that are utterly freezing to wear. Your jumper might keep you warm at home, but don't go outside in it or you'll die from hypothermia.

>>448214
I wear Joop. You can often get 100ml of Joop Go for <£15 on Amazon.

>>448220

Tony's chocolate advent calendar has an empty window today to highlight the unfairness within the cocoa trade. Bear in mind these cost £13.

https://twitter.com/TonysChocoUK_IE/status/1468510556202090498

>>448251

Twats.

>>448251>>448257
I'm not saying you pair are autistic, but the fact you've still not gotten over Tony's making their choclate bars' seams all mismatched is leading me towards certain conclusions.

>>448258
If they're going to charge that much for a product for children and then have a blank and empty window with no explanation behind it, the justification is all online, then it's going to backfire. They've admitted they've fucked up.

Apparently there's 25 chocolates in the calendar, but they're all odd sizes.

>>448251
Tony's chocolate is really fucking good (though probably not worth £13 for a calandar).

>>448258

It's both annoying in practical terms, and about as forecast shippy as you can get. And the chocolate isn't even that good.

Personally, that leads me to conclusions of my own about the sort of people who buy and support the brand.

>>448263
You can get regular shaped triangular Tony's chocolate through their collaboration with Aldi. That might soothe your autism.

https://www.tonysopenchain.com/participants/aldi/

>>448264

Why though? It's not even that good, and a triangle is still a bloody awkward shape to try and eat chocolate in.

There's nothing autistic about it, it's just that breaking off a square is far easier and leads to far less wasted bits that snap off and get down your keks.

You're simping for a company that's ripping you off.

>>448265
A triangle is far easier to snap off than a square.

>>448265
A triangle is far easier to snap off than a square.

>>448265
>You're simping
Stop talking like this immediately.

It's meant to be Christmas fuddle tomorrow and there's been arguments all week about whether it's safe to go ahead due to coronavirus or if everyone should chip in for them to get outside caterers to make something for everyone individually instead. It's still not been resolved, but petty drama and squabbling like this makes me glad I very rarely have to go into the office these days.

>>448278
POTY

This is probably going to be the fourth year in a row LadBaby gets Christmas number one with a song about sausage rolls.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M3gi2RIYSP0

>>448281
Despise the cunt. I appreciate he's doing good, but his schtick is tiresome, and he just comes across as a prick.

>>448282
I'm not a fan, but he knows how to cater to his target market of mongs right down to the way they're holding the phone to record.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GQ9C4iwbdU

>>448283
>target market of mongs

Christ you weren't kidding.

>>448283
Should tattoos be grounds to have someone sectioned under the Mental Health Act?

>>448285
I hope they're only temporary ones. What must go through someone's head to get a tattoo related to flash in the pan novelty songs which will be all but forgotten in 10 years time? I wonder how many people got Gangnam Style tattoos, or Mr Blobby back in the day.

>>448285>>448286
It's poverty of ambition and imagination.

I realise this is heading into "poor people shouldn't waste their money on large tellies, Sky TV, booze and fags" but it isn't uncommon for paupers to save up their benefits to get themselves a new tattoo as a treat.

At the end of the day, is a LadBaby sausage roll tattoo worse than other people who decide their personality should be defined by the media they consume? Grown men with Lego, anyone with a Funko Pops collection, someone getting a tattoo of the Joker, you get the idea.

Own up, which one of you lads writes for The Mail?

>Tony's Chocolonely decided to leave its advent calendar empty on December 8. The chocolate firm said it made the move to highlight slave labour policies. However, it has now apologised after parents of autistic children slammed move.

https://www.Please don't ban me.co.uk/news/article-10302869/Woke-chocolate-firm-apologises-leaving-advent-calendar-day-blank.html

>>448287
>It's poverty of ambition and imagination.
I don't entirely agree. Things like this, I imagine they decided to get it done after it turned into a sort of in-joke with their friends, nights spend having a few tins and laughing about it. While it is something that was designed and served up to them by faceless corporate drones, it may well relate to powerful interpersonal connections for the person with the tattoo. It may remind them of their mates and the time spent bonding over the icon. In many ways that's much less sad than the many (not all) grown men whose Funko Pop collections are the product of parasocial relationships to the media corporation, instead of other people.

>>448350
I agree who are we to judge whether a tattoo of LadBaby has more meaning than, say, my mate's Tool or Porcupine Tree tattoos.

However, I counted at least eight rather crude LadBaby tattoos on her arms so I don't think she's firing on all synapses.

Arshavin in the last ~20 seconds of this video really reminds me of Andrew.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUycereKHy8

>>448351
>firing on all synapses.
She could have epilepsy, you don't know.

>>448353

Should've got Rod Stewart in.

I'm starting to think that Kunt posts here.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYLDBgZlQd4

>>448394

Worryingly, I think we just happen to be on the same wavelength.

>>448396
We'll have to see whether his next shit song involves chocolate autism.

Apparently I'm the bastard man for leaving the Bounty chocolates in the Celebrations tub because I'm the only one who will eat them.

I can't wait to get out of London, go home, see some family and not think about things for a few days and sleep and enjoy festivities.

That's not stopped people putting in meetings for next week however. Why? Who actually wants to be working?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GsRJ-iRZasQ

SOSSAGE ROLLS

The fuck do I get my mum and dad? I've already bought them a box of Thorntons, I'll probably get the token bottle of wine, but I need at least enough bits to fill up one of those gift bags, and it gets harder every year.

They're deeply boring people who I barely have anything to even talk about with. I don't dislike them, it's just really difficult to spend time with them, it's like pullingteeth trying to keep a conversation going. All my dad does is watch telly, all my mum does is sit on the iPad playing candy crush or whatever.

I could probably makea whole /emo/ post about this but now is not the time. My concern right now is merely keeping up appearances via the mutual ritualistic participation in obligatory consumerism.

I've no clue. Help?

>>448414
My dad is getting Bob Mortimer's autobiography, a Wasgij and chocolate.

My mum is getting walking socks and a garden ornament.

>>448414
They sound very like my parents. Do your parents show any thought in shopping for you? My parents ask me for an exact list of what I want, and then stick to it precisely without deviation. If you try asking them, they might well tell you and then you could just buy that.

>>448414
I got my dad a coffee calendar and my mum a box of teas. Simples.

Not sure why you'd expect to have much common ground with your parents. You're using an obscure internet message board so you'll always have difficulty relating to people in general, even those your own age.

>>448415

Garden ornament seems like a good shout. To be fair my mum is usually happy with any old tat, but my dad is a royal pain in the arse. I used to be able to buy him tools and the like, he was a mechanic before he retired but nowadays he has no need for any of it, there's nothing he has to do around the house and they've downsized to a single car. I'm stumped.

>>448416

Nah, we haven't done lists since I was about 13 and it would be weird to start again in my 30s. We're very much at the stage of buying only token gifts, and honestly I'm fine with it, as long as they get me some socks and pants every year, because otherwise I wouldn't have any.

>>448414
>They're deeply boring people who I barely have anything to even talk about with. I don't dislike them, it's just really difficult to spend time with them, it's like pullingteeth trying to keep a conversation going. All my dad does is watch telly, all my mum does is sit on the iPad playing candy crush or whatever.

Just got back home for Christmas. Scary how much this echoes my situation.

Haven't posted here in a very long time, but I'm glad to see the tradition is still alive and well.

I think the idea of gift giving is lovely. You give something that shows you care about them, something that shows you know them as a person. That you listen, that you're in tune with who they are and what makes them happy.

But there's this horrible irony about it all, where most of the time it's just a "oh fuck I need to get auntie Sandra something, um I'll add that handcare set to basket, that'll do".

>>448436

I just woke up from a stress dream in which I realised that a random lass from work was definitely buying me an elaborate, thoughtful gift and I had neglected to get her anything. I woke up sweating. I barely know this lass.

What I'm trying to say is that I agree with your sentiment.

>>448434
Embrace it for what it is. If I spend an extended period of time at my parents it inevitably means spending time on the sofa watching telly with not a great deal being said. There's no point fighting it as you won't be able to change them. Go with the flow, treat yourself to a crisp sandwich and either bring a book or shitpost on here using your phone.

Then again, I have a family of my own so the thought of having a day off from them doing absolutely fuck all sounds like bliss. A day off from your family is more valuable than a day off work.

>>448435
Do we have any other traditions these days?

>>448436
I only buy presents for immediate family, although I'd be doing secret santa if I wasn't self employed.

It looks like all the bosses have decided to take this week off work. This is fantastic aside from the fact that I have work to do and now will procrastinate until the last minute.

>>448437
You can always embrace another .gs tradition and give her the gift that will last a lifetime.

>>448438

It sounds like bliss, to be honest. Me and my Mum get on just fine, but she loves to talk about everything that's gone wrong since I last saw her, so I end up feeling like a therapist that's being paid in cava and pigs in blankets.

My parents are separated, but the rare occasion I do end up at my dads, he just tries desperately to convince me and everyone else he's middle class, because he remarried to a middle class bird with a good career and he obviously has a chip on his shoulder about it, and so does she. I would certainly prefer silence in front of the TV than him giving wikipedia level explanations of philosophical ideas while his wife, closer to my age than his, pointedly brings up my career over and over in thinly vieled jabs at his life as a kept man. (Still not sure if she wants to fuck me, I'll figure it out)

But silence seems more enjoyable.

>>448440
I feel like you've posted about whether your dad's wife wants to fuck you before. Either that or there's several of you.

>>448441

It wouldn't surprise me if I'd posted before about it, I'm usually pretty good at reading signs (or a lack thereof) but shes always right on the border between the two, which probably means she's just playing around.

The trouble is I don't have much of a relationship with my dad, good or bad, never have. So shagging his wife would never really be the trangressive, exciting, forbidden act it would be for most, nor would it be a triumphant, revenge driven climactic victory over all the ways he's wronged me or anything like that. It'd likely be far more exciting for her than me.

The interconnectedness of all things used to drive me to drink but these days I have overcome my struggle with holism.

>>448440

I wouldn't read too much into it. She sounds like she's just the kind of person who enjoys belittling people, and she's made your dad into an amusing little pincushion. Usually this is driven by deep insecurities about themselves, in my experience. Ugly people all around.

>>448446

Maybe. Might get my dick wet, though

>>448447

Stirring your old man's porridge?

>>448438
>Do we have any other traditions these days?

Sporadic posting of old Britchan memes.

>>448451
So that's what you lot have been going on about for the past nine-and-a-half years. I had a similar problem trying to photograph vinyl records a couple of years ago, only much worse because it was my hideous face, not my beautiful knob, crashing the photo.

There's this forum I use that always goes a bit weird around Christmas. There's only about 16 or so active users and you can tell from when they've been logging on that they've been visiting the site every day, often several times during the day, but for the past week or so the amount of activity has massively dropped off. I mean things like if a new thread is posted most users won't even open it and read it, nevermind considering actually replying to it. It happens every year without fail and it sort of feels like they're trying to prove to either themselves or everyone else they're too busy doing cool things elsewhere, despite the fact they're a regular user to a niche interest forum and they're still visiting the place on a frequent basis.

>>448454
I think most online places go a bit weird during the holidays, us included.

>>448455
I don't think we get any weirder than usual.

>>448455

This place is weird to me. It's the online equivalent of hanging out with a friend's friends you don't really know. You get the basic premise of most of the conversations, even some of the in-jokes, but it also can be a little weird or hard to grasp and you're not sure why.

What are you veggies and vegans having for Christmas dinner this year?

>>448458

Speak for yourself, but I'm one of your mate's mates and you're that one wierdo from work he brought with him, making the vibe all awkward because we're trying not to make you feel left out even though we can tell you're a bit of a lightweight and we're all being a bit too boisterous and laddish for you.

Ladbaby has been throwing a teary about Kunt possibly derailing his Ego trip.

>>448462

To me, Ladbaby somehow seems more of a cunt than Kunt. He's that sort of bloke who gets invited to a sesh but doesn't really know anyone that well, but will still unashamedly try to blag a couple of lines off you, do half the fucking bag and then never, ever even entertain the possibility of returning the favour. Whereas Kunt seems like he'd just be a bit too loud and talk a bit too much about the fishscale he "could have got" if you'd only told him last week. Which is still a cunt but a much milder cunt - you can at least empathise with his decisions.

>>448462
At least Kunt is taking it in good spirits.

>>448463
LadBaby is a vainglorious cunt. When you actually look on YT channel, most of his videos are around the 200k mark. Yes, this is more than most YouTubers; but it's not really big influencer numbers. I appreciate he is trying to make the most of his fifteen minutes with books and songs and all that, but he will be forgotten about in five years time. I imagine when we're watching the "Every Xmas No. 1" shows on MTV, they'll be WITH NOTHING TO SAY BECAUSE I AM A CUNT by his songs reaching number 1, and look at them with disdain.

Also his wife is really fucking hot and I want to have sex with her, but I cannot due to LadBaby.

>>448465
>Also his wife is really fucking hot and I want to have sex with her

I was waiting for this comment.

>>448464
He’s in the front page of Wikipedia today.

It doesn't feel like Christmas is two days away. It's suddenly just... here.

>>448466
I was curious so I looked.

https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/news/ladbaby-christmas-number-1-the-kunts-b1980789.html

>Alluding to The Kunts’ track, Hoyle said that he would rather choose positivity at Christmas and continued: “It takes a certain sort of person to download a song with that in the title, but you never know.”

>“There’s definitely an element that people aren’t happy with this government, but our song is for charity – I don’t believe theirs is – and ours is trying to raise more money than ever for food banks. It’s something that is even more important given everything that is going on.”

>In a statement shared with The Independent, The Kunts confirmed that they had made large donations to MIND and Cardiac Risk in the Young following the success of their song “Boris Johnson is a F***ing C***” in last year’s Christmas No 1 race. They said that they chose to donate like this rather than releasing a “charity single” to cut out “the large percentage accrued by record companies, sales platforms like Amazon and Apple, management, marketing and PR”.

Yeah, LadBaby has strongly indicated that he is a self absorbed cunt. Not to be too idealistic, but if these christmas number ones actually meant anything more than the shuffling around of dosh, Kunt criticising the Tories is ostensibly addressing the problem, whereas Ladbaby funding foodbanks is basically just feeding into their ineptitude. If political music actually got anything done, he'd be a hypocrite.

>>448465 is spot on apart from the bit about his wife, she's fucking grim. I know you can't all be Captain Japseye for the whales, and some of this must be ironic.

>>448470
How much did his single last year actually raise for charidee?

Kunt sez.
“We may be vulgar in the language we use to get our point across but we would not be so vulgar as to use food banks to hawk records, increase our profile or sign lucrative sponsorship deals. Let me be clear, we would not stoop to using poverty, hunger and despair to promote our career like we believe LadBaby have done in this year’s Christmas number one campaign.”

>>448473
Talking posh like that isn't going to win him any favours. Innit.

On the one hand LadBaby is an ignorant Tory, but on the other Kunt is really crass and obnoxious, so hopefully someone else beats them both.

>>448475
I wouldn't say he's a Tory, it's more that he'd rather bury his head in the sand and deal with the symptoms rather than confronting the cause because it's more convenient. It's good for his brand to look like he's doing something.

He's the kind of cunt who'll do a sky dive for charity, pretending it's for a good cause but it's really for his benefit.

>LadBaby
How old is Ladbaby's baby now? It must be pushing four or five. It can probably talk. Does it still appear in videos ever?

>>448477
The baby is in the new sausage rolls song.

Feel bad for the kid, having his childhood taken over by gurning talentless cunts using him to further their pitiful "comedy" careers.

I went to the shops today and EVERYBODY was out shopping.

Seemed quite weird I tell you.

>>448481
I haven't driven much recently, but the roads were absolutely rammed everywhere earlier.

>>448479
Thought you meant are Andrew for a moment.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GhhjoZ_XL9Q

I don't like christmas songs in general, but every year I get a bit fascinated by them as a cultural phenomenon. A few of my observations:

-Bruce Springsteen doesn't hit a single on-pitch note in the entire song in his version of "Santa Clause Is Coming To Town". It's actually quite impressive how he's so consistently out of tune.

-Paul McCartney really couldn't write songs for shit without the other three, could he.

-The whole step key change in the one that goes "ring-aling-a-ling-a-ding-dong-ding" is really abrupt and sinister, like the producer was holding them at gunpoint shouting "MORE CHRISTMAS". It has the same vibes as when a videogame boss transitions into their final form and everything steps up a notch.

~Noel or Liam Gallagher's cover of that Slade one is the most morbidly existential piece of music I have ever heard. It is a three minute rumination on the nature of futility.

>>448499
>Paul McCartney really couldn't write songs for shit without the other three, could he.

Ignoring his output for The Beatles, are you including Pipes of Peace, Live and Let Die and Mull of Kintyre in this?

George Harrison had the best post-Beatles music career, but McCartney still wrote a fair few decent songs.

>Paul McCartney really couldn't write songs for shit without the other three, could he.
What about the fucking frog song ladm8

I've barely heard Christmas songs this year - even fewer than last. I'm not sure if I'm looking in the wrong places (pretty much nowhere) or the song just aren't being played like they used to (ideas of multiculturalism abound).

I watch the Christmas music channels and rate what disc the song should be on. As in what disc on "Now That's What I Call Christmas" 4 disc compilation album. Shakin Stevens is a disc oner. As is Mariah Carrey. But John and Yoko, that's a disc 2. I have a soft spot for Jonah Lewie, but it's not festive enough so belongs on disc 2. Paul McCartney's Wonderful Christmastime is dog shit so belongs on disc 3, but McCartney is a big star so he unfairly ends up on disc 1. This fun little game in my head brings me ever so much joy.

>>448504
I remember getting all the Now Thats What I Call Music albums back in the day, for xmas - they were good value.

>>448504

Mariah Carey is a disc 4, then you take the disc 4 and put it in the shredder, then you get one of those Will It Blend blenders to blend up the remaining shards, then you put it on a space ship heading right for the sun.

Can not fucking stand that song.

>>448504
What about Proper Crimbo?

>>448507

Disc 3 material. Sensation when it came out but faded into obscurity like the show that spawned it, only remaining in the minds of millennials who went to rough lower class comprehensives in the early 00s.

(Oi Purpz, are you going to put the snow on? Other place have done it.)

>>448503
I don't think I've heard Merry Xmas Everybody this year yet. But I have heard Underneath the Tree by Kelly Clarkson several times, which I consider to be good news because that is easily the best Christmas song of the past decade.

There are whispers that there's a spot of Panic at the Beeb. Kunt has possibly done it.

Merry Christmas from Peter Stefanovich's large adult daughter.

>>448514
You've reminded me of Owen Jones gleefully boasting that Boris Johnson had lost his seat on the day of the 2019 general election.

Really makes you think.

>>448517
Preferred his earlier work.

>>448517
Is this why we never have snow, no naked men in chains?

>>448519
That's a miserable looking forecast for the next week. Snow would be a blessing compared to pissy cold rain.

Was watching University Challenge and there was one black woman on the Cambridge team.

Questions came up about Africa, and every other contestant on the team was looking at her for each answer. Now, that's funny because it looks racist but honestly isn't that just common sense?

Fwiw I got Marcus Garvey quicker than her. And I'm a white cunt.

I just looked under the tree and I'm beginning to think Santa's not bringing the large breasted and emotionally reassuring woman who'll let me fall asleep with my head on her lap like I asked for.

>>448522
You might want to look in /iq/ at the Vorderman thread for comfort.

>>448522

>>448524
Keep Vorderman in the Vorderman thread please.

>>448521

Not really. My dna can be traced back to eastern europe, but don't be looking at me when someone's asking who the 9th king of slovakia was.

>>448525
Her curves cannot be contained.

>>448523>>448524
I don't want to start a festive cunt-off, but Vorderman strikes me as anything but "emotionally reassuring".

>>448521
Maybe if she was studying something Africa related or was actually from Africa. If she grew up in Morecambe or something though I'd assume a she was as daft as any white Briton, and isn't that what MLK Jr. wanted? We cannot say, he never spoke on Morecombe, sadly.

IT'S CHRISTMAAAAAAAAS!

The day is finally upon us. The feast celebrating the life of our lord and saviour, George Michael.

Is it over yet?

Merry Christmas my dears.

Merry Christmas lads. It's not my sort of thing, but I hope you all have a nice one.

Merry Christmas, lads.

>>448522
>the large breasted and emotionally reassuring woman who'll let me fall asleep with my head on her lap

Santa Father Christmas knows full-well that's not what you really want. Expect him to let in a rail-thin category 9 mentalist into your home who will key the neighbours car and claw you to death while giving you the best sex of your life.

I'll just leave this here:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DWPiZMksAA

>>448535
Very odd video.

Do not want.

These are fucking rank.

Did Father Christmas bring you what you wanted?

I didn't have quite enough doubanjiang and used too much chilli in the hong you so my Christmas mapu dofu mostly tastes like mace. It's not unpleasant but will be coming out the other end later.

Got to go to my partner's parents' house for Christmas dinner. Dreading it. Even though I've been with my partner for quite a long time, I still don't feel comfortable around her family. So it'll be several hours of me sitting in silence.

ITSSSSS BRIIIIIIITFAAAAAA.gs

Why does BBC's science correspondent never mention what the UK does in space?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-59782057

We're about to take a look if and see there's artificial lighting on Kepler-452b and see what the universe was like when the first stars emerged. It's an amazing launch today.

>>448539

>>448537
I got a very nice Seiko watch, so totally happy.

Channel 4's Alternative Christmas Message this year is Olympic diver Tom Daley, talking about mental health and being gay. That's not very alternative. It's hardly like when they got Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to do it, or last year's fake-news one where the Queen said a load of deepfaked stuff.

He's making a couple of good points, but there's a lot of padding with the usual committee-designed "brave" wholesomeness that anyone can see anywhere on any day of the year.

I realise I'm going to sound like a whiny ungrateful bitch, but I really wish my in-laws weren't so tight.

We bought my son Mario Kart for the Switch and when we gave my mother-in-law some suggestions she said she'd get the steering wheel controller to go with it, so we sent her a link to to proper Nintendo one which was just under £15 in Argos. She's instead bought these really cheap off-brand ones for about half the price that's awkward to hold after a while and it's hit or miss whether the shoulder buttons will actually work through it. This is literally the only present she's bought him and she is not short of a bob or too.

My brother-in-law is very similar. Whatever you suggest to buy he'll go for a knock-off version from B&M or Home Bargains, even if it's just shaving a couple of quid off. They're obsessed with tat. I don't even know why it surprises me because they've been like this ever since I've known them.

Liz looks very old in that broadcast today.

Was the Queen a deep fake? I reckon she's been dead for a few months now. They're just covering it up until covid's gone because they don't want to say it was covid.

Well, finding this has made my Xmas day even better.

https://buttplug.io

https://www.hismith.com/en/?ref=16325

>>448545
I still can't believe they managed to make a hash of the audio on the youtube stream.

Fair fucks to her though, as much as I don't want to die the idea of being left alone without the love of your life is horrifying stuff. For my grandmother she awoke one day to find her husband had died in his sleep, imagine how often that must happen.

>>448548
> find her husband had died in his sleep

I can't imagine anything worse. A family friend of mine died in his sleep, and his wife talked about that being the worst part of it.

>>448549
At least you can take solace in the fact that it's the most painless way for someone to go, I suppose.

>>448549

When my grandad died, my grandma was in the next room and heard him collapse. She says she still hears the thunk, years later. I honestly don't know which is worse. Waking up to someone cold next to you might still be worse, I can imagine thinking "if I'd woken up I could have done something" and all that.

Either way, I think about the way my gran looked when she talked about that noise quite a lot.

>>448515
Is the mother evangelist christian korean youtuber?

>>448514
He hasn't; the sausage rolls song is this year's Christmas #1 again. I didn't see any mention of where the crusty old edgelord came with his BRILLIANT profanity song.

>>448545
I'm crossing my fingers for an abdication after the Platinum Jubilee. That's the goal; that's when she needs to last till. It's in February so there's hope. Then she can just chill out at home. If she actually tries to celebrate her own 70th anniversary, it won't end well.

>>448554
I think its quite likely she'll step down too, and you're right about the timing for next year. First monarch to ever get to seventy years, that's as good a time as any to stop and have a rest.

>>448553
Kunt came fifth, the same as last year. I think LadBaby outsold him about 3:1.

Well, I'm glad it's over.

>>448556>>448556
Kunt would be better going for the week after Christmas. All the festive stuff and whatever ladbaby shite will drop like a rock,.

The Queen will not abdicate because there is absolutely no value to anyone in doing so. I have no idea why people think she might.

>>448559
The internet is full of shills funded by Charles.

>>448560
Sounds a bit mental of you to say so.

>>448561
Who, apart from Charles and Camilla, seriously wants the Queen to abdicate so he can ascend the throne? Nobody. Perhaps sneaky fucking Russians who think it'd weaken the country, but that's it.

>>448562
If anyone, I'd rather Harry become King.

>>448563
After seeing that video of him trying to get the Disney boss to cast Meghan by basically going "please though", I think he's gone a bit off the rails.

I keep forgetting what day of the week it is and just now went to go do some shopping at the supermarket only to find it closed. Sunday trading laws are bullshit.

>>448559
>>448562
It's the doings of republicans and ear-fetishists.

I'm staying at my parents' house for Boxing Day. Most of the conversation had dried up within two hours so the rest of the day has largely been watching the TV in relative silence; I looked at a clock earlier convinced it was about half 10, but it wasn't even 6pm by that point. I'd also forgotten that my parents will boil almost any vegetable to death, so I had flavourless carrots and peas with unseasoned mashed potato and meat for my tea.

We watched the new James Bond film. Perhaps it's because the only other Daniel Craig Bond film I've seen is Casino Royale, so I wasn't invested in any of the characters, but I found it quite dull and hard to care about what was happening.

My Christmas was weird. Didn't end up going to girlfriend's parents' house as I got panicky, so spent Christmas Day alone. My Christmas dinner was paprika crisps and kabanosi from the only shop open near me, washed down with a few Stellas. Boxing Day I didn't up going to my girlfriend's parents' again, so spent the day drinking and playing video games. Probably one of the better Christmases I've had.

>>448573
That's quite a statement to your girlfriends parents.

I didn't see a single lorry on the motorway today, which made the traffic flow so much better. They should make lorries drive at night instead or something.

>>448576
I think a lot of them may be taking the day off after working on Christmas Day, which is apparently great for them because there's fuck all traffic. First BH after George Michael Day is always a nightmare, so seems like a good day to not be trying to drive 500 miles in 10 hours.

Hotel Chocolat tastes like shit.

>>448578
Heresy. The vegan stuff is great.

>>448579
I've been given some of their chocolates for Christmas, stupid flavours like passion fruit or blackcurrant, and they are proper rank.

According to my girlfriend its 'weird' that a 29 year old would shag the arse off Shirley Ballas.

>>448582
Motsi Mabusi is sat right there, so I concur with your girlfriend.

I'm convinced a massive pervert worked on series 11 of Taskmaster. In episode 5 there were two challenges that made me think this, firstly the self-bondage struggle and secondly the blind-person-rubs-mouth-on-objects-olympics. Now in episode 6 there has been a request for a painting using only one's feet and I'm left unsure if I want to continue. I feel like I'm watching people being groomed.

>>448582

Most of the good sex is weird.

Another Christmas at the in laws.
Another crafty wank over the Wife's Sister.

Just been to Aldi and they have absolutely shitloads of lebkuchen for <40p. Somehow I managed to resist, but I did pick up one of their Chocolonely bars to wind up autistlad.

>>448590
I've been with my girlfriend since we were teenagers. I remember being at her mum's house once and there was a dirty wash basket in the kitchen ready to go in, with a pair of her younger sister's knickers right on the top. They are the gooiest pair of knickers I've ever seen in my life, I can still vividly recollect how slimy they were, and it took all of my willpower not to give them a surreptitious rub/sniff/lick.

>>448590

Is it the British lad's curse to have a mild crush on the missus' sister?

>>448592
What is the appeal of dirty knickers? I stayed at a platonic female friend's house, and saw some mucky knickers at the top of her laundry basket. I smelt it and it smelt like gone off sour cream. Vile. How do people get off to mucky panties?

>>448594
Forbidden fruit. I used to work with a lass that was conventionally very attractive but did absolutely nothing for me. One day she came in without showering after a long bike ride. I lost count of the amount of times I walked past her desk to get a good whiff of her BO.

>>448594
>What is the appeal of dirty knickers?
The trouble with clean knickers is that you don't know where they've been.

>>448595

I hate all types of someone else's body odour, but when a fit lass walks by, I sometimes take a deep breath of her and then in my mind I am already bonking her.

Not that anyone will ever know. Somebody watching me at that moment will barely even notice me breathing in.

>>448594
I dunno either. It's not even them being aroused, it's just effluent.

>>448594
Women smell good but it varies on what she's been doing and where she is on the menstrual cycle. There's some science to it. You absolutely can tell the difference between a woman who has been working out and the BO of someone who has sat on the couch all day.

Have you never buried your nose in a partners armpit or even giving her a bit of a lick?

I'm pretty sure I can smell when a lass is on her period, from several paces away, but I've never said it out loud because it just sounds psychopathic.

>>448603

I'm pretty sure there's some legitimate-ish brain hormone chemistry stuff that makes you respond differently to a woman when she's on different phases of her cycle, but I'd be sceptical of anyone who claims to be able to consciously detect it.

When I had a girlfriend who was as much of a deviant furfag weirdo as me, we used to pretend that bit just after her period was when she's "in heat" and we had the most intense vigorous shags dirty taking each other about breeding and such. God it was hot.

>>448610
You can't smell when a girl is on her period? You might have to think about the smell but I absolutely can pick up on the must of it. Useful for absolutely sod-all unless you're a salsa-dancer but it exists.

I also like to 'breed' a woman without getting furry about it. Although I've never found just after a period to be when horny week lands.

>>448603
Period fannies are stinky. When my girlfriend goes to the toilet on her period, and I go in just after, a foul smell permeates the room. Worse than shit smell or piss smell.

>>448614

The smell I'm talking about isn't that, it's just a gentle musk that emanates from them even if they're not firing jam out their snatch.

Unless your missus just needs medical attention. Hard one to bring up though.

>>448615
I had a Swiss girlriend, her fanny smelt of flowers and she insisted on feeding me chocolate. I was 46, she was 23. Zu unserer ewigen Liebe <3

I went to the panto today and now I really could do with shagging someone in a fairy costume.

>>448676
Live your dreams!

Can I take the decorations down now?

>>448733
I've done the external stuff.
The tree can wait til tomorrow.

>>448733
>>448734
Someone had discarded their Christmas tree outside there house, on my street. The sight of it is quite sad.

>>448735
I think I might burn mine.

>>448747

It's fresh wood it won't burn very well on its own. You'd need to leave it somewhere to dry for at least six months.

>>448748

And then set his house on fire when all the needles catch? I wouldn't ladm8

>>448749

The tree would burn then, at least.

>>448748
What about a plastic one?

I've bought so much reduced party food today that I can't fit it all in my freezer.

>>448756
You could invite us round for a party.

>>448756
I bought a new freezer, it turns up Friday. Hoping the shops still have some left by then...

>>448770
Depends how much you like vegan mini sausage rolls. 49p a pack in Lidl, same for their vegetable spring rolls.

SOSSAGE ROLLS

>>449291
Probably my favourite thing about emigrating when I did is that I have no fucking clue who this bloke is.

>>449291
He was definitely a millionaire before he started making charity singles.

>>449291
I looked up Arthur Fowler and that is a very old reference.

>>449291
"When" is the Facebook thicko equivalent of
>implying