If you didn't like the tie you could have just said. No need to be this passive aggressive about it.

Are you guys excited to start CoTweeting with your friends?

My flat mate is moving out next month but he's chosen the worst season to do it as he's in a mezzanine over the kitchen and lounge so all the hot air gets trapped up there. The central London rental market isn't too terrible but it does pose some challenges if I can only bring in nutters or people who really can't afford to live in London. Obviously as it's a mezzanine with those screen dividers that immediately cuts the potential roommates in half.

Currently thinking about how I can easily improve airflow by sticking an industrial fan in the deepest corner - essentially to get the hot stuffy air circulating down and out. It helps that he's taking his plants with him so I can I put the blinds down in the kitchen during the day. Of course google is proving absolutely useless for how to go about this as it's all property developers, industrial AC units etc.

Property developers can fucking hang if you ask me. It doesn't matter if it's a small flat or a brand new home, the cunts will cut corners at every opportunity and these little things ruin the quality of life of the occupants. Like how starter homes have steps on the porch that come into a thin hallway that prams can't navigate and shoddy utility connections that will cost a fortune to fix.

>>452422
You'd think Twitter of all places would be looking to create more real accounts rather than merging them.

Hire car prices on holiday are still a piss take.

I would like to go to Andalucía again, which is expensive enough, but a car like a Nissan Juke is now close to 400 quid for eleven days out of Málaga Airport. In the Before times, in 2019, I remember me and my ex spent a little over 250 quid for the same kind of car for the same duration in Málaga.

Of course, a lot of people will only get a hire car for a few days during their stay, but I've always been the kind of person who feels like going places in the hinterland after you've spent the day on the beach. Or really just to be able to go to other beaches or a big supermarket quickly and conveniently and whenever I feel like it. Public transportation in countries like Spain or Greece can be a fucking laugh, so I'd rather have a car the whole time even if I'm not going to use it for one or two whole days and it's just sitting in the car park in front of the hotel. This has been contentious in the past, to the point that when I went on holiday with another ex, I just said, fine, you know what, you don't have to pay anything for the car. I'll put up the money for the entire week, and that's that. She later admitted that I was right about the convenience.


Self sage for rambling.

>>452424

Are mopeds any cheaper? It's been ages since I went on That Kind Of Holiday, but they're usually the sorts of place everyone just nips around on a scooter rather than a car anyway, nothing is that far away and it's warm enough you can comfortably ride about in shirts and a t-shirt. Yeah it's less safe but you're on holiday, fuck it.

>>452425

When we were in Corfu one time, a young couple from our hotel got a scooter from a slightly dodgy looking place just down the road. A few days later, with our Suzuki Jimmy from the car hire right next to it, we spotted them stranded out in the wilderness on a back road. They had plenty of petrol left, but the scooter just wouldn't start. So we gave them a lift back to the hotel.

I guess my point is, your mileage with local scooter or moped hires may literally vary. The vehicles at a lot of them seem to be in pretty poor condition.

Coincidentally, our Suzuki also broke down a few days later. Not saying it can't happen with an internationally operating premium-level car hire company like Hertz or Avis (it did one time when we had an oil leak on a brand new Renault Megane from Hertz and needed to be towed). But the way those places handle a vehicle breakdown is far better. Our car hire in Corfu tried to make us pay for the repairs up front in cash.

I can hear the bloke next door pumping up what must be a fucking olympic sized paddling pool with a shite squeaky foot pump. He's been at it for over twenty minutes.

I want to look out and see why it's taking so long but I'd have to crane my neck out the window and it'd be far too obvious.

>>452427

I looked, because he's still going. It's a normal sized kid's pool. It's going to be fucking dark before he's finished. Pretty sure it's got a hole in it and he's literally too Homer Simpson stupid to notice.

Sage for double post.

>>452428

I once made the opposite mistake by inflating a football from an industrial compressor. Most of my hearing came back within a week.

I saw a 4chan thread about the Voynich Manuscript earlier, with lots of uncharacteristically intelligent posts. I read through the thread, then I went and read the entire Wikipedia page so I could offer some insights of my own. By the time I'd done that, the thread had archived. This is an outrage.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Voynich_manuscript

It's clearly written in a language that people no longer speak. There are other writings in dead languages, such as Etruscan and Minoan, and we can't decipher them either. And all the codebreaking experts say that it really does appear to be a genuine language, but not any language that they can identify. Seems obvious to me.

>>452430

My money is on schizophrenia.

I'm aware Shinzo Abe was a very unpleasant man. However, I don't think shooting him to death is an especially good thing. I'm saying this just so there's some context around the real reason I'm making this post.

I'm very sad the gunman only used his double barrelled Fallout gun and not his nona-barralled blunderbuss 9000.

Evidently it's still topless chav o'clock.

>>452433
I don't know what's worse, the blokes who look like marmite poured into a woolly hat or the one who's bodies remind me I look like a hat full of marmite.

I thought I'd book tomorrow off to relax but so far I'm getting my haircut, seeing the dentist and right after that I'm rushing off to see a lass in an area I don't know all that well.

There I was thinking that at least I could shake my cough with a weekend of rest.

>>452433
>>452435
Is it just me or do you see a lot less of them than you used to?

Yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon, I walked past a woman walking her guide dog. It was far too hot to be walking a dog. I should have said something, but I didn't want to be accused of a hate crime or whatever.

>>452469

It looks like the CPS officially counts offences against the disabled as a hate crime. As well they should, I guess. But it just seems odd that you would hate a blind person. For what.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/crime-info/hate-crime

While the intention behind punishing hate crimes is pretty solid and you can't really argue with it, I've always kind of thought that "hate crime" is a misnomer. I know that "criminal discrimination" doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely, but it's probably a better way to describe it.

>>452469
Where's this idea come from that dogs just die the moment it's hotter than 25C? I'm sure it was fine.

>>452471
You shouldn't walk dogs when it's shit hot because it'll hurt their paws. They can also overheat.

>>452472
>hurt their paws
I doubt that.

>>452473
Tarmac test. If the ground is too hot for you to comfortably keep your hand on it for five seconds then it's too hot to walk a dog.

Forgot image.

>>452473
Doubt away but I'm paws-itive it's true.

>>452475

>Flat-faced, overweight, unwell and older

Are they still talking about dogs?

Asking for a friend.

>Where's this idea come from that dogs just die the moment it's hotter than 25C?

Brits are odd about dogs. I took mine out in what was maybe 22C for a quick walk and I had numerous funny looks. I also saw a tik-tok of a man screaming down his camera about how dangerous it is to take a dog out "when its 23 degrees outside".

Brits are odd about dogs. I'm not sure dogs would have lasted if they were spontaneously combusting in t-shirt weather.

>>452480

I think it's the combination of the known stigma of leaving dogs in hot cars (Brits drive everywhere) and the increasing popularity of breeds with undercoats like huskies, where they actually can have trouble in hot weather.

>>452480
No people who use tiktok are odd fucktards who will do anything for attention, I dont think that had anything to do with them being british.

>>452481
Leaving dogs in hot cars isn't "stigma" it will actually kill them.

>>452484
Stigmatised and deadly aren't mutually exclusive concepts.

>>452485

Exactly, this is what I was trying to communicate with "known stigma", but maybe there's a better way of phrasing it.

"The known hazard of leaving dogs in hot cars and the resulting stigma" would have been more appropriate.

I have a fan. How do I utilise it to achieve maximum coolness?

>>452489
Best use I've found is just pointing it out the window at night. Blows the warm air out in a matter of minutes. Trying to blow the cool air in doesn't work as well.

eBay have a code for 20% off any "summer" item, including fans and air con units. Might be worth a punt, I've finally given in and bought one of the latter, after many summers of hesitating.

>>452490

As Steve has always tried to teach us, adding an exhaust fan is always more efficient than more intake fans. I'm glad this kind of knowledge is seeing practical use.

I got the soldering iron out today and soldered some fancy new cork-sniffer hand-wound free range organic pickups in my overpriced American guitar built by Mexicans (but in America), making it now the most valuable thing I own other than my car. Feel like a right man doing it though, I keep telling my guitar mates to get new pickups so I can install them for them.

It's not even the weekend, or does the heat make it a technical weekend?

>>452490
Perhaps the most effective, but I doubt it beats the satisfaction of aiming directly at oneself while wearing only boxers on a towel atop an office chair. Keep a small cloth and bowl of cool water nearby and wipe yourself down regularly, the evaporation does wonders to remove body heat. Ice lolly of choice encouraged.

>>452495
>selfquote
I'm in a flat exposed on all southern sides which gets insanely hot in the summer, it's 34℃ inside right now with all windows open and two fans running. Dreading Sunday.

>>452489

• Be sweaty
• Stop wearing clothes
• Get a 3 litre bottle of frozen water on a breakfast tray in front of a decent fan (have at least two more in reserve to rotate)
• Get an air conditioning unit and exacerbate the problem
• If you have Sash Windows, and some stupid cunt hasn't nailed or painted them shut, or otherwise made the top casement immovable, then you should get a top and bottom gap and use air convection to your advantage

>>452492

You should do what he's suggesting in that image.

Apparently it'll be close to 40° on Tuesday. What should I stock up on apart from freeze pops and fans?

What's the best kind of fans to buy?

>>452514

Buy a fan immediately before they sell out. Don't put it right out the window when you run it at night, just near - Bernoulli's principle makes a huge difference.
If you're not going outdoors much, giving your head a shave might be smart.

>>452515
Is it better to have a normal fan or the towers instead?

>>452516
Towers are better for moving air around indoors but you might struggle to get it onto your window sill.

>>452515
Don't just buy the standard £15-£30 fans you see at Asda, they're cheap but they're shit.

I have to travel to an industry convention next week where I have to leave the house at 6am to get multiple trains. Initially I thought it would be fine with the heat because the dress code could be relaxed with company t-shirts. Nope, I have to wear a suit because the organisers are twats.

Now that a national emergency has been declared I tried looking at hotels for the good of my health but the one's that still have rooms going are charging nearly £1000. I might try travelling an hour or two early and just wait around at my destination but I'm legitimately worried about train breakdowns and baking on platforms without shade. Any tips on how not to die from employer negligence is welcome.

>>452514
MEACO is alright, I actually find them better than some industrial fans.

>>452531
Catch Covid.

>>452531
"Catch" covid. Do you need an unused test code?

Come to think of it, weren't a couple of you looking for some unused tests? I have an almost full box nobody on Freecycle wanted.

I haven't seen a sexy nun in ages. Back in my day, a nun having an erotic awakening was a stock plot for saucy films. I suppose it's all e-girls and twerking these days.

>>452538
I think ever since PornHub had to wipe most of their content it's been a lot harder to find decent material across the board.

>>452539
Not just pornhub, xhamster as well. Not sure if they're all owned by Mind Geek but someone put the fear of Jesus up them (for good reason).

>>452539
There's still Motherless.

>>452547
Don't they just do rape and murder scenarios these days?

>>452539
>>452541
They really threw the baby out with the bathwater. Yes, they got rid of revenge porn and underage and non-consensual shit. But they also got rid of hundreds of SSBBW facesitting videos. Nightmare.

>>452549
No. There's a lot of bodily-functions stuff, which is my thing and I don't see why everyone is worried about Motherless when I only ever use it for either legal or dubious-but-victimless voyeur material.

There's also Thisvid, which I discovered recently. That has a lot of quite wild stuff, although videos can be set to either public or private, and the private ones show up in the search results but you can't watch them and that is frankly inhumane.

>>452541

Some countries even try to ban porn video sites outright.

Germany is now cutting off access to xhamster and pornhub via DNS blocking and URL blacklisting.

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/germany-porn-laws-age-checks

Which is a bit daft, because xhamster has been able to evade the ban repeatedly simply by registering under new top level domains, to which authorities then had to play catch up, and also, you have the glaring flaw within DNS blocking itself, in that all you need to do is enter an alternate DNS server in your Internet connection settings. Someone I know in Germany has told me that Google's DNS servers work without a problem.

British born Chinese have started describing themselves as BBC. I'm ashamed to admit that I had to stare at that one for a second or two.

It's my birthday in a fortnight and I've no idea what to tell people to get me for my birthday. My girlfriend's buying me a pair of trainers, but that's squarely because I was going to buy them for myself anyway.

And I've still got that fucking habit of unnecessarily repeating words in online posts.

>>452564
What trainers are you getting?

>>452566
I think it was one of these, but I'm not entirely sure; they've been regularly alternating what's on offer in their summer sale.

https://www.adidas.co.uk/daily-3.0-shoes/GY8115.html
https://www.adidas.co.uk/daily-3.0-eco-lifestyle-skateboarding-shoes/GY5486.html

>>452564
A tennis racket. If you like tennis, add it to the collection; if you don't like tennis, happy birthday, someone's actually bought you a whole new passion in life. It'll be a spiritual awakening for you. New friends, improved fitness, longer life expectancy, all in one birthday gift. You'll be a new man. Plus, if you have this same problem for Christmas, someone can buy you a tennis ball.

So my old mates booked a 5 a side football thing. What do I wear? Shorts? What kind of shoes? Is astro turf still a thing? Can I wear astro shoes, basketball shorts and a black tshirt?

>>452569
Just be sure to carefully vet anyone you take with you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMd9Mbnrp7w

>>452569
Have you thought about asking your mates instead of some randoms on the internet who only really talk about football when there has been a allegation of sexual assault?

>>452569

>Is astro turf still a thing?

Yes. The newer stuff doesn't give you friction burns, but it does cover you in tiny bits of black rubber.

>Can I wear astro shoes, basketball shorts and a black tshirt?

Should be fine.

>>452569
You have to be careful. I've heard of some 5th and 6th generation pitches turning people away with basketball shorts. Football only they say.

>>452569

Aren't you overthinking it a bit? Do you want makeup tips as well?

Any trainers with a light-coloured sole will probably be fine in case they have hard floor, although that isn't very common. Most venues still have astroturf. And just bring a pair of shorts and a T shirt.

You're not trying out for the World Cup.

>>452591
>Do you want makeup tips as well?

Yes please.

The prime minister of Finland is peng AF.

>>452725

>>452726

Forgive me for not keeping up to date with the leaders of Nordic countries.

Wondering if I have time for a wank before my food gets delivered.

>>452729

With one of my exes we always used to order food and then see if we could manage a good shag before it got there. The answer was usually yes, so I think a wank is more than achievable.

Out of touch critics are too obsessed with virtue signaling and idpol to understand what The People really want to watch.

Just paid £2.90 for two 4l bottles of milk. Broken Britain.

>>452750
That seems like a good deal though. But I have no idea, I buy about a litre a week if that, and do so in a fugue state induced by my increasingly all consuming ambivalence to even the simplest of life's tasks.

>>452755
Remember that it's litres, not pints, so the bottle will be slightly smaller than you expect. I've had this experience myself. Although, two lots of four litres is probably about 15 pints of milk, and £2.90 is indeed a good deal if it really was that much.

I used to always pay 2 x £1.50 for 2 x six-pint bottles, but the prices have gone up now. I don't know what they currently are, though. This must be how politicians constantly get caught out when they don't know what bread costs.

>>452756

It's really one of those things you don't look at, because you're going to buy it every week (or however frequently you shop) either way, and it's not like you have the opportunity to switch brands or whatever, because it's just milk. The brand you get is the one the shop you're at sells.

For me it's been outrageous ever since it went over a quid, because when I was 18 and worked in a shop, we used to take a quid out of the petty cash to buy a four pinter at the Aldi next door, and come back with change. So that's the price that's burned into my brain.

Coffee is absurdly expensive these days I feel like. You don't even have to buy the fancy ones, a jar of the mid-tier instants is usually five or six quid.

>>452756
They were actually 4 pints bottles, fuck knows why I said litres. In my head it's still £2 for 2 x 4 pints of milk, although I've looked it up and the average was apparently £1.15 per 4 pint bottle back in April. I know that Danpak butter in Lidl has gone up from £1.69 to £2.09 this year.

How do estate agents decide whether to let someone rent or not? My gf and I have lived in this house for 4 years, never missed a rent payment, never missed a utilities payment. However, we're both in a bit of debt from other sources. Will a debt on, for example, paying something on finance, preclude us from passing the checks?

This Welsh woman on Radio 1 sounds like a parody. I refuse to believe anybody has such a strong Welsh accent in real life. I've been to Wales, a couple of times, and they talked mostly normally. Clearly all the people who sound so Welsh it's like they have a speech impediment have been recruited by BBC Radio to quack incoherently. And this is "Radio 1's Chillest Show", apparently. I must say Sian Eleri does not make me feel especially chill.

>>452761
They're estate agents. Chances are they're funding their lifestyles on finance themselves.

My work persuaded me at the last minute to sign up for fantasy football. I wasn't going to do it because I really don't care enough about football to follow eleven different individual players, but then I remembered that Emile Smith-Rowe is apparently very good and rarely mentioned, so I signed up just to have him in my team. Anyway, it turns out he's injured. This is scandalous.

>>453059
Here you go, mate. Completed football just for you.

>>452761
If you're moving, it may or may not pose a problem, mostly because landlords are greedy cunts, no exceptions.

If you're staying, as your rent is now almost certainly substantially under market, you may end up out anyway, mostly because landlord are greedy cunts, no exceptions.

Is it normal for a lass to grab your dick and rub it up and down on her clit like she would with a finger?

>>453195

If that's what she's into, sure, why not. Personally, I'd take it as a hint.

>>453196
What kind of hint?

>>453198

That her clit needs a bit more attention.

>>453195
Women are just weird and personally I've always found it a bit uncomfortable when they do that, especially when they slide back to put all their weight on your ball arteries. Next time you get your chub and whack it on her clit and see her delight.

>>453211
No I've found they'll do it anyway. Women are always rubbing their fannies on stuff any chance they get, this is the real reason they're banned from being fire-fighters.

>>453212
>this is the real reason they're banned from being fire-fighters

I've never seen a female binman.

>>453213

That you know of.

>>453214
Have you ever seen one? They don't exist.

>>453213

https://www.shropshirestar.com/news/local-hubs/oswestry/2018/07/30/meet-sophie---oswestrys-first-ever-binwoman/

>Meet Sophie - Oswestry's first ever binwoman


Shropshire is leading the way, as always.

>>453215

I was joking but yes there was one here once.

>>453216
Made up places don't count. What happens somewhere fictional like Oswestry, Camberwick Green or Narnia doesn't matter.

>>453217
I'll take your word for it.

>>453216
She's not a real binman. More like a glorified bus driver. A bus for rubbish.

>>453218

>Made up places don't count. What happens somewhere fictional like Oswestry, Camberwick Green or Narnia doesn't matter.

Google Maps says they do have a tourist information centre in Oswestry.

>>453220

Who the fuck would choose Comic Sans for their signage though.

Maybe it's a made up place after all.

>>453220
And Narnia's got a talking lion and unicorns that like to fuck shit up.

>>453222

And they've got gay guys having adventures.


You know, the kind who are so deep in the closet that they're having adventures in Narnia.





I'll work on my jokes.