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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
2022 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 31041 Anonymous
22nd September 2021
Wednesday 4:08 pm
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Good lord no. That's beyond cursed.
>> No. 31042 Anonymous
22nd September 2021
Wednesday 4:10 pm
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>> No. 31043 Anonymous
22nd September 2021
Wednesday 5:00 pm
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Stop shitting the thread up now lad, we try not to do that in /emo/.
>> No. 31097 Anonymous
3rd October 2021
Sunday 1:55 am
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I hate these moments of lucidity. There is nothing quite so unpleasant in all my life, I would give anything to function as normally as others do.
>> No. 31098 Anonymous
4th October 2021
Monday 1:08 pm
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Arguments with partner again, it's always fucking bullshit. A few weeks ago I came back home after work on Friday to find 10 years of personal documents loosely arranged, covering the entire floor. Also all my books moved and reorganised. She'd taken it on herself to sort all my personal docs and books (I've got about 80% of the books in the house) and spent 4 hours doing so, and I flipped out because to me it felt like someone tearing up all my comforts and she doesn't know how I organise things, and didn't ask.

We resolved that, she was upset that I wanted to put everything back but agreed she should have asked, took full responsibility and all. This week I needed to look for some A level things for an AAT, and went through those docs for half an hour because I couldn't tell where it may be because everything had moved, turned out my mam had it. It reopened the wound when she started saying "Well you didn't have it any way so it's not my fault you spent time looking for it", and that she knew where hers was, and etc. Like she completely forgot she took responsibility for moving my personal items without my consent or acknowledgement, and spent hours categorising them after I've already repeatedly told her that I need to organise my things personally or I won't remember where they are.

Crux of it is that I can't mention something she has done without her feeling attacked, in any context, then she'll evade or make an excuse which makes me upset because she can't just take ownership. I don't repeatedly bring these things up, but if it's necessary like she's asking "Why are you upset about this" and I explain it reminds of a past incident where x happened, she takes that as an attack rather than an acknowledgement and I cannot find any way to mention it without that happening. A couple of years ago she promised me we'd live together 6 months before she moved on for a job opportunity, but ended up leaving in 3 - I had only moved in with her on the guarantee we had 6 months of sharing rent otherwise I had to live on my own somewhere cheaper. And then whenever I mention that, for example in couples therapy, she sticks on "Well I told you I was moving out anyway so it doesn't matter", well 1) it matters to me, and 2) you took full responsibility at the time for promising me something and then bailing, so why are you now evading it?

Like I can't just say "I'm feeling bad because you did this and it's the same principle as when you did this thing in the past and we talked about that so I don't understand why it's happening again, or at least can you take responsibility and apologise". I'm reflective to a fault and I can take responsibility in the moment (though I have the view it's always shared to an extent, but the upside of that is that I will acknowledge I've always been complicit in some way, because I have, because it takes 2) but she will without fail take an hour to a day to turn around and say "Actually yeah I'm sorry I was being out of order and was wrong about x", but she fucking doubles down in the moment and I can't handle it. My mum does the same thing, it's worrying to realise that. Other day I tried to tell my mum that my brother might speak to her more often if she let him come to her, but that's apparently me telling her she's a bad parent who can't communicate with her kids. m8

How the fuck are you going to resolve issues if you can't acknowledge them?!

Anyway just lost 2 hours of work on deadline day to arguing about this. She ALWAYS needs to make an excuse and I can't find a way to talk to her about my emotions without her feeling attacked. Just want to cut myself now tbh, not going to do it but fucking hell I just feel so angry and unable to deal with things.

Rant addendum: Saturday night she called me 4 times on her hour long journey home to update me, she'd been drinking all day so it was kind of cute, but then the moment she got back she said "I've been pissed off because you owe me £90" in front of a guest we have staying. No mention of this on her journey home, nothing at all to indicate anything. I actually sent her this money earlier the day before (bills) but hadn't notified her. But then she just comes back, storms in and starts telling me off, for something I've already fixed. It's bullshit. Because he's there I can't really say anything without making her look like a twat because she's immediately come in and made me look like a twat, and I'm not going to be a dick and put that back on her, I just have to look like a fucking twat because she's a messy drinker.
>> No. 31104 Anonymous
6th October 2021
Wednesday 7:09 pm
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Spoke to a GP, he more or less made out that I wanted antidepressants as a crutch and told me to wash my penis. I don't even want antidepressants, they're shit; I want a fucking brain scan to figure out where this black hole is eminating from, you fat, Welsh, tosser.
>> No. 31105 Anonymous
6th October 2021
Wednesday 7:53 pm
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Honestly lad, by this point I do feel you sort of have to start coming to terms with the fact you're not a good match. I've been in relationships like that, I have one ex who I still dearly pine for sometimes, but I know it was more aggro than it was ever worth. The thing with getting all your paperwork out and "organising" it for you would have been a line crossed for me, I know exactly how you feel there.

For me, if someone starts moving or messing around with my stuff, it's tantamount to stealing. It's basically hiding my own stuff from me, and it triggers immense anxiety. I have a very OCD kind of dependence on knowing my things are where I put them, whatever it might be- From a half empty packet of fags to my passport. Anybody who messes with that gets a warning, and if they overstep the line again it just tells me they didn't listen or take me seriously the first time I warned them, and I can't really trust them from then on if that's the case. It stems from my mum always coming into my room and "tidying up" well into my late teens, when really what she was doing is rooting around and looking for drugs, porn, etc- I consider it a form of psychological abuse, but obviously nobody would really take you seriously if you said it. Anyway.

I don't tend to advise breaking up lightly but these problems sound entrenched, like you've got stuck in that cycle of arguing because it's all you really do. You snap each other over everything because your patience was exhausted long ago, and even when you try to have a civil discussion you can't, because there's still some lingering resentment over all the other things you've bickered over, and you're always jut keeping it pressed down. That's how I was with the ex. Oven tray gate, never forget.

I hope the sex is good anyway.
>> No. 31106 Anonymous
6th October 2021
Wednesday 7:59 pm
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I know this won't sound great because you've already done the hard work of reaching out and talking to a doctor about it but there's nobody who can come to help you, you have to keep pushing. You need to find a new doctor, one who actually listens to you instead of that useless one.
>> No. 31107 Anonymous
6th October 2021
Wednesday 8:18 pm
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>I want a fucking brain scan to figure out where this black hole is eminating from, you fat, Welsh, tosser.

Did you tell him that, in those words? You do have to be honest with GPs sometimes, if you know what I mean.
>> No. 31108 Anonymous
7th October 2021
Thursday 1:35 am
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Echoing this lad's advice.

I have serious issue with anyone moving anything I placed anywhere. I had a dick of a dad who would go through my room in my teens, check my jeans pockets, school bag, cabinets.. everything. I have some serious issues with it. Part of me inviting someone I love into my life is accepting that they don't fuck around with my shit. I am not attached, but just don't move where I placed that fucking pen.

You have to be honest with whatever hang-ups you got, just as your okay with whatever hang-ups your partner has, and work through it if they are a great partner. If not, unfortunately, it isn't going to work.
>> No. 31109 Anonymous
8th October 2021
Friday 2:33 am
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I don't know how to stop drinking too much. I am so depressed when I haven't had anything. Life is just a long nightmare. I need my drink, but I will die early. I am trying to weigh it up. I don't know how I am not homeless and begging on the streets.
>> No. 31110 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 11:24 am
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Yet another one where I thought I had a promising match but she turned out to have the brainworms.

We were just casually discussing topical issues, and it came around to the old firsherperson chestnut. Naturally I know not to go too hard on this subject but you do have to feel out their views, or else it will definitely come up later.

Anyway, I thought she seemed alright until she said she'd rather be stabbed than raped. I'm sure rape is horrible but if that's the kind of ridiculous shit you're going to say to try hold up your side of an argument, you're either in too deep or you are arguing 100% in bad faith.

Fisherfolk. Not even once.
>> No. 31111 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:07 pm
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The problem there is in the imprecision of the language. There is a scale of severity in both stab wounds and rape that make that a fairly pointless question to pursue.
>> No. 31112 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:09 pm
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Mate, I've been stabbed and I'd much rather be stabbed - just imagine purple Aki going in without any lube - fortunately by the small blade of a swiss army knife in the thigh, but it's not that bad. You feel a little pinch and more the impact of the fist/hilt hitting your skin. Did you at least clarify if she'd rather be stabbed in the tummy or brainstem or something? Personally I'll have a bit of a play and say I'm an egalitarian and deny the label, but since all my beliefs align with feminism it's fine provided they don't immediately storm out and can think somewhat critically. You didn't immediately refer to the topic of feminism as a 'chestnut' to her did you?

Why is your life a long nightmare? I had a few months of heavy drinking, culminating in a bottle of whiskey a day alongside a few joints, with the intention of clearing my bank account and then topping myself. Got close and called Samaritans and spent a few hours on the phone, which got me through that night. I think moving in with some friends a few months later and managing to get a bartending job helped me. I don't remember but I assume I went to therapy a bit.
>> No. 31113 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:18 pm
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The conversation went along the lines of her lamenting that men don't understand things they haven't experienced, I.e sexual abuse, and I just said that yeah, that's true, but there are other things men experience more of that women don't, like being homeless and stabbed to death. So I was certainly talking about a life threatening injury.

It's not the actual firsherperson part that bothers me- The red flag is that they are alnost always, in my experience, the type of person you're just simply not allowed to have a disagreement with on basically any subject, because they'll throw their toys out of the cot. You can't have a discussion with them that's not "yes you are right I agree."
>> No. 31114 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:29 pm
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They are out there, mate. I've had these types of talks with plenty of women and some do see that there are issues that affect men more. Both the statistics and the anecdotal evidence are abundant.

I think it helps to stress during these conversations that things don't have to be a zero-sum game. Caring about disproportionate male homelessness and violence doesn't mean you don't care about disproportionate rape of females.

For the record, though, plenty of men experience sexual abuse (especially at younger ages), but maybe she was referring to something specific that men generally experience less.
>> No. 31115 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:33 pm
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Aye I get you. I think it sounds like you've both fallen into a script there, and ended up communicating like you're in an online argument. I think it's the same approach with when they're venting about something and they don't want anything constructive, just "mm, yeah, that's horrible". Or tell them about any times you've been sexually assaulted. If you have to disagree, the safest/most productive way is getting out of the dichotomy of men/women, and maybe talking about wider empathy and how it's possible for individuals to translate experiences.
>> No. 31116 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:35 pm
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Actually, let me correct this post. "Plenty" is a bit of an exaggeration, I will admit there does seem to be a heavy wall of bias to get past with most of the people I've tried talking to about this, but I'm hopeful that most people are receptive to thinking about it if you don't threaten their worldview at the outset.

When I say "plenty", I actually mean lasses I've spent a lot of time talking to, a couple of girlfriends and one or two close friends that seem to "get it".
>> No. 31117 Anonymous
9th October 2021
Saturday 12:45 pm
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In general I've just found its only "safe" to have that sort of talk once they already know you quite well, know you're a decent bloke and not an online chronic sissifier. That forces them to listen to you because they can't just immediately mentally discredit you as a big mean sexist.

It does become a bit of a chip on my shoulder though because that means all their talk about taking people's experiences seriously is nonsense, I have to earn the right to be taken seriously by them. I can't talk about the time I spent actually being homeless and I have to make some story up about why my teeth are so fucked until I've earned the right to open up.

That part is bollocks. But what can you do. It's just difficult to keep your composure and not let yourself become jaded really.
>> No. 31118 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 12:48 am
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The fuck is the point of antidepressants. Tried them for the first time in my life, it's been a month, less mood dips and anxiety but the trade off is I'm absolutely knackered all of the time and my sleep's gone to shit. I woke up at 23:00 today after spending 17 hours in bed. At least before I could actually have days where I achieved things, now I can't even focus and I've lost a month.
>> No. 31119 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 1:06 am
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Those issues are probably fixable.

What drug and dose are you on? When do you take it? Are you experiencing any side effects other than poor sleep?
>> No. 31120 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 1:39 am
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Sertraline, only 25mg because 50 made me throw up and feel even worse. Taking it in the mornings each time. Honestly no idea about other side effects, the terrible sleep effects everything. I'm basically a zombie happy sitting still doing fuck all.
>> No. 31121 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 2:43 am
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25mg is a very low dose (a normal dose would be in the 100mg to 200mg range), so sertraline clearly isn't the right option for you. About one in twenty people have a variant of the CYP2C19 gene that reduces their ability to metabolise some drugs, meaning that sertraline will have about three times the normal effect. There are a number of other genetic quirks that could cause you to have a particularly bad reaction to sertraline and related drugs. Fortunately, there are numerous other antidepressants that are metabolised differently and target different receptors.

Alternatives you might want to discuss with your doctor:

Mirtazapine in the 15-30mg range is highly effective as an antidepressant and is also effective as a treatment for insomnia. You might feel slightly groggy in the morning for the first week or so, but you'll sleep like a log. The main downside is that it's also an appetite stimulant, so most people taking it gain some weight.

Venlafaxine is metabolised by a different protein to sertraline and isn't as prone to odd reactions. It targets serotonin less selectively and inhibits dopamine and noradrenaline reuptake too, so it tends to have a wider but milder range of side effects.

Bupropion is officially licensed as a smoking cessation medication, but it's also a highly effective antidepressant. It mainly targets dopamine, which means it's a stimulant and is why bupropion also works for the treatment of ADHD. It can cause insomnia (especially if you drink a lot of caffeine), but it shouldn't affect the quality of your sleep and you'll feel wide awake after taking it in the morning.

Amitriptyline is an older type of antidepressant that works very well for a lot of patients, but GPs don't like prescribing it because it's much more dangerous in overdose than newer alternatives. It's very much worth looking into if other options haven't suited you.

Your doctor can't legally prescribe St John's Wort, but the evidence suggests that it's about as effective as other antidepressants. You can buy it over the counter from any health food shop and many chemists. The side effects tend to be relatively mild for most people, but it interacts very strongly with other serotonergic drugs and so you should never combine it with other antidepressants or with MDMA.
>> No. 31122 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 9:21 am
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I think SAD is kicking in. Not for me, everyone else seems to have taken a melancholy turn with the weather.

Take care, be aware of how it may be affecting you, I suppose.
>> No. 31123 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 9:35 am
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Really is for me too - clocks go back in 2 weeks?
>> No. 31124 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 11:21 pm
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There's a weird bird at work who's married and knows I have a girlfriend, but she frequently inserts the topic of sex into the conversations we have. Not directly, but mentioning particular scenes from films, laughing at the 'BJ' column on Excel, talking about weird sexual culture from Japan.

I never mention sex at all, is she giving weird signs that she's horny or am I reading into it too much?
>> No. 31125 Anonymous
10th October 2021
Sunday 11:55 pm
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Well you're a bloke. You're evolutionary wired to assume interpret (or misinterpret) what women say as a sign she's into you.
>> No. 31126 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 12:05 am
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>laughing at the 'BJ' column on Excel

Treasure your work wife.
>> No. 31127 Anonymous
11th October 2021
Monday 12:07 am
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She's just filthy. I doubt she's into you. Just feel glad she is comfortable around you to express her filthy side.
>> No. 31135 Anonymous
12th October 2021
Tuesday 12:57 pm
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Do you ever feel like your emotions tend to come secondary? Even if you're telling your girlfriend that you're feeling down it almost always ends up with you consoling her and not addressing what's actually on your mind?
>> No. 31136 Anonymous
12th October 2021
Tuesday 2:24 pm
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All the time. In-fact, I think this why men tend to bottle their emotions, because women find it absolutely disgusting. I know of one relationship that ended because the lass couldn't be asked to support my mate.

I am sorry mate.
>> No. 31137 Anonymous
12th October 2021
Tuesday 5:04 pm
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That's what that Men In Sheds thing is about: coming together around a hobby, making friends talking shit. The only problem is it appears very transparant, anyone going is clearly lonely.
>> No. 31138 Anonymous
12th October 2021
Tuesday 7:06 pm
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>Men's Sheds Asssociation

I never knew about this - apart from the fact their website doesn't work right and I can't search by location, I actually think thats a brilliant idea. Is it so bad that its obviously about companionship, loneliness and mental health?
>> No. 31139 Anonymous
12th October 2021
Tuesday 7:15 pm
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I've often thought about this, and I think it's just part of workplace life, especially if you work in a small, stable, familial kind of team. I think as humans we are hard wired to look for a bit of intimacy and flirtation with those we spend a lot of time with. It doesn't necessarily mean you actually want to fuck, under normal conditions, but that's what Christmas parties are for.

Shout out to the lass at work who I've somehow entered a kind of omarashi kink non-sexual dom/sub relationship with. Humans are a weird bunch.


Stereotypical observation maybe but we've discussed this before here, women tend to learn to be "emotionally open" but only superficially so, female friend groups always have lots of emotional sharing but not a great deal of sincerity about it. It's just something to talk about. Whereas for a man, it takes a lot for emotions to actually come out, and that means that when they do, it's serious. A lot of women simply haven't had to learn how to deal with that properly as a result, so don't be too hard on her for it.

But yes, in general, you probably want to talk to your ladm9s if something is really deeply troubling you. This is why the time honoured tradition of a pint with the lads is vitally important for men and I think it's decline is actually harming today's men much more than they probably think. It's a lot easier for blokes to open up after five or six pints, but it's often more genuine and therapeutic when you do, in my experience.

Maybe it's just me but little helps me get things off my chest than that thing where you're sat in the smoking area of a Spoons in town at 1am setting the world to rights.
>> No. 31140 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 12:29 am
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I'm not real.
>> No. 31141 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 12:27 pm
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What is "real"? How do you define "real"?
>> No. 31142 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 2:17 pm
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I don't really exist. People think they perceive me, but they can't tell you anything about me, what I do or where I go. I'm not real, I don't register here, I appear physically but it's just a facade.
>> No. 31143 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 2:43 pm
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All we are is an illusion.
>> No. 31144 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 2:53 pm
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Who is this "I" you keep referring to?
>> No. 31145 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 3:06 pm
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>> No. 31146 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 4:03 pm
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Shut up.
>> No. 31147 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 5:50 pm
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Can you further clarify? If you didn't exist you could not have posted, nor would people be able to perceive you in any way. You are being perceived here and now. Do you have any dissociative disorders?
>> No. 31148 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 6:01 pm
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I think he's speaking a lot more figuratively, I was really high last night and I went "yeah me too bro" then didn't post anything.

If the tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, etc... I often get the sensation that if I'm leaving no mark on the world am I really a part of it? I'm just part of the background scenery, I don't have any meaningful interactions with the people and the places that fill my surroundings. I just sort of float past them without ever being part of them. I'm one of those distant NPCs that pop out when you get close to them.

Of course that was very hyperbolic stoned nonsense as is often the case, I'm only part of a very small network but it's nevertheless there. I could probably do to start expanding it but I really am not an easy person to be sociable with, and I should probably be more thankful to the friends I DO have for putting up with me.

Anyway whatever, that's my two penneth.
>> No. 31149 Anonymous
14th October 2021
Thursday 11:34 pm
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I am in my 30s, and I broke up with my long-term girlfriend of... one year. I can't seem to have relationships lasting more than an average of 6 months. I don't mean this in a bad way, I am perfectly okay with it. Whenever something about them gets on my tits, I leave, and I don't even feel any sort of sadness or longing for the relationship. I actually get happy and think good riddance, and start anew.

But all the insanity posts in the other thread had me wondering if I am not a normal person.
>> No. 31150 Anonymous
15th October 2021
Friday 1:06 am
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I'm like you I suspect. I get into a relationship and then at some point I consciously decide that the relationship has no future which then normally sputters out around the 6 month mark.

For me it's a fear of commitment more than anything. I feel I could easily push through it and spend the rest of my life with these women if I chose to, I'm a good boy - a bit of a prick but I've never had an ex who didn't think I was a decent guy. If only I could open up and share my life, put much more effort in etc. but what stops me is the fear of the rest of my life being spent in a relationship that's a mix of a headache and an orgasm. Plus they might embarrass me and who wants that?
>> No. 31151 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 1:35 am
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>I've somehow entered a kind of omorashi kink non-sexual dom/sub relationship
uwotm8? This sounds bizarre, but it also sounds like I could bust a nut to it if it's exciting enough. Please share some more details. All details are welcome, but of course, be aware that if you have a lot to share, I probably will be wanking when I read it.
>> No. 31152 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 8:01 am
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>Whenever something about them gets on my tits, I leave, and I don't even feel any sort of sadness or longing for the relationship. I actually get happy and think good riddance, and start anew.

Do you actually communicate your issues to them or do you just up and leave? Real life isn't a Disney film where you meet your one true love and everything is perfect all of the time, relationships involve work and compromise.

Can you give examples of the reasons your partners get on your tits enough to end a relationship?
>> No. 31153 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 9:10 am
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>>31152 Can you give examples of the reasons your partners get on your tits enough to end a relationship?

Mine nags me to do something while I'm actually doing it. There's nothing more calculated to make me say 'fuck this, and fuck you, I don't need this shit' than that. When we break up, it'll be that. I have told her.
Sorry, still raw after this weekend.
>> No. 31154 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 2:37 pm
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Just wanted to say thank you for all this mate, my GP's now trying me out with Citalopram now though so we'll see how that goes.
>> No. 31155 Anonymous
18th October 2021
Monday 7:03 pm
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While that's true, the other person has to, to some extent, be worth putting in the effort for. The opposite is often the case too, where people end up staying in relationships that clearly aren't working because of sunk cost fallacy.

I think I'm in that boat right now to be honest.

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