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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
2372 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 31661 Anonymous
13th April 2022
Wednesday 10:40 pm
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>> No. 31662 Anonymous
15th April 2022
Friday 12:48 am
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I appear to have finally come to the conclusion that when the missus and lad are away, it's no longer fun to get drunk by myself and wank off. The pressing issue is that I don't actually have any real life friends at all.
>> No. 31663 Anonymous
20th April 2022
Wednesday 12:41 pm
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There's no original thought outside of existance, so why try to create one? It feels like egotism and Idolatry to produce and collect art.
Isn't this what's said to be the cause of Satans fall from heaven, that he did not want to be a subject in this simulation? IE absolute authority to create something new rather than a sum of predefined parts.
Am I nurturing evil by thinking like this?
>> No. 31664 Anonymous
20th April 2022
Wednesday 12:45 pm
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All higher thoughts are just an overcomplicated sort of masturbation. We're apes with anxiety mate, I wouldn't worry about it.
>> No. 31665 Anonymous
20th April 2022
Wednesday 1:49 pm
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Nah, you're thinking of Lord of the Rings when Melkor didn't want to play Eru Ilùvatar's tune. The whole saga of Middle Earth's strife against Morgoth and Sauron would have been avoided if god just let one of his children take a short improv solo interlude, which I think is a compelling argument in favour the necessity and humanity in personal expression.
>> No. 31666 Anonymous
20th April 2022
Wednesday 3:09 pm
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Do you ever feel like you're being radicalised.
>> No. 31667 Anonymous
20th April 2022
Wednesday 3:45 pm
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Did Gandalf radicalise the hobbits against Sauron?
>> No. 31668 Anonymous
20th April 2022
Wednesday 6:26 pm
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With the kinds of trials life has put me through I'm very surprised I made it this far without having been.

Then again maybe I already am, but I haven't killed anyone yet, and so long as I don't I think it's probably fine. I would very much enjoy the massacre of all estate agents and landlords, and their associated parasites, in particular the heads of Kirsty and Phil, displayed on Tower Bridge. As long as I don't act out those fantasies I think it's alright to have them, just for myself, as a little treat.

Either way it's society that's broken not me, of that I am sure.
>> No. 31669 Anonymous
22nd April 2022
Friday 1:27 pm
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That's a woeful interpretation of the creation song.

Eru weaved Melkor's discordant racket into the song of creation, thinking it would please him, but Melkor just got annoyed that his Dad was nice about it. He is rage and malice and hate, a better analogy would be a self-destructive personality that resents people's understanding and trying to make them feel involved, so they flip a table at the BBQ ruining all the sausages and everyone just says "aww bless" so he starts fucking with them all individually and getting beat up for it, even their kids beat him up, and because he is forever a surly twat he is now banned from the chip shop.
>> No. 31672 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 10:10 pm
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jacking off to porn again when I find some decent amateur content; english, cute and playful, roughly the same age as me .. but then you see a section of their house, notice a hint of their work and realise they're completely beyond the legue you're playing in.
I don't want to wank like this anymore. Pussy after pussy, dick after dick, but sitting here isn't getting me any of this. Not that I want smut in my life, just the possibility of being that close to somebody I actually find attractive.

I've had people fancy me before, I could get there again. Step by step, look to where the feet fall, not the top of the mountain.

>> No. 31673 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 11:08 pm
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Have felt dead since I left the army in 2012
>> No. 31674 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 11:17 pm
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Haven't you got any ex-service mates to hang out with?
>> No. 31675 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 11:41 pm
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I left during advanced individual training so I don't really know anyone outside of the people I was talking to on Facebook before I got locked out of my account last year. And I hadn't talked to Amy of them for years anyways. All I have now is my mom basically.
>> No. 31676 Anonymous
24th April 2022
Sunday 11:44 pm
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And my brother and dad. Dad has a new family and runs a business. Brother has a family plus 1 to support so I don't really rely on him for much besides sms or weekend phone calls.
>> No. 31677 Anonymous
25th April 2022
Monday 12:04 am
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Sounds like you need to find your own purpose and identity. Get a career, move out and do some additive hobby that grows over time, that sort of thing. You're not really going to get that from the people around you and you won't get people around you if you don't have your internal shit in order.
>> No. 31680 Anonymous
25th April 2022
Monday 6:08 pm
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There's two types of people when it comes to mental health, I reckon. There's people who are going through tough times, with real obstacles blocking their progress in life, or real problems with material consequences. Then there's dipshit spoiled twats who'll sulk because their already charmed life isn't as ideal as it could have been.

It's becoming very grating to me how everyone seems to see themselves as enlightened about mental health nowadays, because they read some book or other, but we so rarely face up to the fact that the reason for people's anxieties is most often related to a very real, valid, and genuine concern for their future, in terms of financial stability and security. There's no amount of meditation or fresh air to sort that.

Dunno exactly what got me thinking about this but over the last couple of weeks I've had a number of people give me those kinds of shite little platitudes over the things I'm struggling with and it's getting annoying.
>> No. 31681 Anonymous
25th April 2022
Monday 8:21 pm
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It never gets better, does it lads? It's just a constant chain of misery and worry.

Someone said to me other other week that 'it can only go up from here'. Since then, 4 events have made it all just that bit worse. I just feel like the straws are being piled on, but I have no idea what a breaking of the back would look like. I don't know, I just assume I'll be more miserable and anxious with every passing day until a heart attack gets me.

[x] sage for pathetic rambling.
>> No. 31682 Anonymous
25th April 2022
Monday 8:24 pm
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>There's two types of people when it comes to mental health, I reckon.
I passed the mental health ward of my local hospital recently and briefly realised how bad it can get - nutters on the street in their pijamas, shouting and menacing strangers through paranoia. Not long ago too a friend of mine was randomly attacked by a schizophrenic who'd been regularly pleasant to them a week prior.
kind of made me realise I'm not that bad at all. It makes a lot of sense that I'm on the lower benefit bracket, while there are people about who're seriously mentally ill, suffering, and difficult for society. Atleast I'm independant. Atleast I can step back consider some of my own thought process rather than being subject to it.
>> No. 31683 Anonymous
26th April 2022
Tuesday 7:36 pm
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Very minor in the grand scheme of things, but:

In another of life's grand "I never thought it would happen to me" moments I've realised that sex has really slowed down between me and the girlfriend over the past few months.

We're in a secure and loving relationship. I flirt with her and show her that she's special to me. I'm expressive, patient, and (I'm told) fun in bed. She finds me attractive, and I've also made more of an effort over the past few months to get in better shape and dress a bit better (throwing away the baggy lockdown clothes).

And yet she's just not naturally showing any interest in sex. I have a high libido, so I initiate 9 times out of 10. Only a handful of times she's turned me down when she's feeling sick, and I've always been compassionate. I've never wanted her to do anything she doesn't want to. To be fair, I've done the same once or twice when I've just not been in the mood.

We're at the 3 year mark and I'm just really bloody worried that this is what I've got myself in for. Does she still like me? Do I excite her? Does she even think about sex when I'm not bringing it up? Whenever I try to explore the topic a bit with her there's always a hand-wave of "well it's different for women", but she never gives further detail. I have to admit, I find it hard to reconcile this with my worldview, in which I really enjoy and pursue sex a lot.

Frankly I'm getting to a point where finding out she's getting some on the side would be a relief, at least I would know there was something there.
>> No. 31684 Anonymous
26th April 2022
Tuesday 8:32 pm
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The answer is almost always one of the following:

1) She's stressed, depressed or just plain miserable.

2) You don't make her cum.

3) She's shagging someone else.
>> No. 31685 Anonymous
26th April 2022
Tuesday 8:44 pm
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She's very high achieving and generally in a good mood, and I normally make a point to take care of 2) by many different means... Who knows, maybe 3) is the case. I'll investigate further.
>> No. 31686 Anonymous
26th April 2022
Tuesday 11:16 pm
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Don't talk daft.


>We're at the 3 year mark

This often has a lot to answer for. Most of my relationships have hit around the 2.5-3 year point, and that's when things have more or less fully settled into what they'll be like going forward, and it's only by that point you can truly look at it in the bigger picture and take stock. Sex has almost always slowed down by that point.

Is she on birth control? I've found with a number of my partners the pill has made them more or less asexual, the coil has been better but never perfect, and the injection just seems to be a lucky dip whether it does nothing at all or gives them full blown BPD frankly.

Other than that all I can say is don't beat yourself up for it, you sound like you are doing everything that can be reasonably expected of you and you sound like a conscientious, caring partner. Nothing else should be reasonably expected of you, so don't let toxic gender expectation bullshit and double standards cloud your judgement.

It was a lot like this with my last ex, where she just didn't seem interested and nothing I tried helped; and even when I talked with her she basically said it was fine on her end and I couldn't even really get her to engage with the fact it obviously wasn't. The situation was only made worse for me because my previous partner(s) had been the type who were really up for it all the time and always initiated it at least as often as I did. It's really hard to adjust when you've used to girls who will display as much enthusiasm as you do.

In general I think women often have uneven expectations regarding sex, they'll pin it all on the bloke if it's not satisfactory but they'll also expect you to do all the work; it's not necessarily that they're selfish, just that they've come to expect that as the norm and they don't realise how much energy it actually takes to always be the one initiating and driving things.

Anyway, all that rambling aside, I've definitely learned not to take it for granted if I end up with a good horny bitch again in future.
>> No. 31687 Anonymous
27th April 2022
Wednesday 9:43 pm
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I can feel a wisdom tooth coming through. It's just that little extra bit of bollocks I can't be arsed with right now, because you know it won't be simple. It's not going to slide down and become an extra helping of gnashing power, no, no, no. It'll come out sideways, back to front and shaped like a pentagram. And I think, maybe, just maybe, after five years of dissapointments, cock ups and failure I could have one thing, not even go right, just not go wrong. But no, I'm going to get a gnarly sodding demon tooth wedged into the back of my head for my troubles.
>> No. 31688 Anonymous
5th May 2022
Thursday 10:26 pm
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I dont know if I might be gender fluid, or if I just enjoy wearing dresses and painting my nails.
>> No. 31689 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 12:12 am
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You're a transvestite mate, no shame in that.
>> No. 31690 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 12:48 am
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When I was a kid I used to sit on my mum's lap while she did her nails. I don't know why this was "allowed" because if I was in the room while she was putting on her make-up she would chase me away and say that seeing what happens when women put their make-up on would "turn me gay". This was back in the day when even fairly liberal people would maybe have a token gay friend but be open about not wanting their own child to "turn out" gay. For some reason my old, disgustingly homophobic, Ma was happy for me to join in and assist in the nail-painting process which I absolutely LOVED and is still one of my happiest memories.

I can't help or offer any advice but I really needed to share this for some reason. Bless you all.
>> No. 31691 Anonymous
6th May 2022
Friday 12:56 am
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Imagine a world where painting your nails and wearing dresses were normal neutral activities that didn't suggest femininity. Would that meaningfully impact your enjoyment of those things?
>> No. 31701 Anonymous
7th May 2022
Saturday 9:44 pm
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The utter totality with which I have failed to fit into society is staggering. Suicide would be an understatement.
>> No. 31702 Anonymous
9th May 2022
Monday 12:16 pm
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Have you ever noticed it's your perpensity to consider yourself that's making life depressing? Constantly looking to your reaction to stimulus, like you're forever in freefall, in orbit of yourself. I don't think I display narcicist behaviours but it's evident i think about myself an awful lot. Getting tired of it.
>> No. 31718 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 2:02 am
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I'm torn between enjoying being single, and being sort of lonely.

On the one hand, I'm spending more time being productive, I've got back into music and done as much writing/recording so far this year as the last three combined. I'm probably in the best place mentally I've been in for a long while. I'm eating well because I don't have to think about or plan around somebody else's eating habits. I'm on top of all the "life" stuff because I don't have someone else's habits and needs and problems interfering with my own.

In a lot of ways, I feel like my relationships over the last ten years or so of my life have only ever held me back, and this is the first time I've remained singe long enough to see that clearly, in hindsight.

However, the best thing about a relationship, besides the stable frequency of sex and all the other lovey dovey couple stuff, is just having someone to reliably do things with. You lads are probably in the same boat as me, where your pool of ladm9s gets slimmer and less dependable by the year. These days I have to makes plans a month in advance if I want to see any of my ordinary friends- So I find myself doing the whole dating thing purely to fill that void. When eventually I get with a new lass, it'll most likely because I've become attached to her just by spending the most time with her compared to anyone else.

I mean I'm in no rush to get with someone, but I can't really be arsed trying to make new "ordinary friends" these days either, I feel like that ship has sailed. None of the lasses I hang out with ever end up as proper mates, either; you either end up shagging and have a bit of a fling before drifting apart, or they get a boyfriend and then you're immediately out of the picture. I'm happy to keep having acquaintances of the former variety, don't get me wrong, but you can't keep that up forever.

I dunno. I suppose I'm just mindful that if I'm not careful, I could easily just end up one of those middle aged hermits and then end up becoming an alchie or what have you. When I was younger I used to scratch the itch by posting on a load of forums and what have you, so I ended up having a pleasant little network of casual online mates, but I don't really know how you do that nowadays either, it's not the same when all you go on is a couple of chan boards and Rudgwick.

Well, whatever, time to go to bed I think.
>> No. 31719 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 11:35 am
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It's been like 4 years since I last developed an infatuation with someone, but it's happening again and I know I shouldn't leave her my number with "hey, you know you mentioned growing shrooms - can you give me a text when your next batch is ready" but it's a valid reason for me to message anyone else, but obviously I have an ulterior motive.

She's only 8 years younger than me at 23 but she rolls very good joints and randomly mentioned last night she wanted to go out, but just so she could bring someone back. And she's got depression just like me and is likely much smarter than me. She's also ridiculously fit, like a solid 9 (for someone with standard tastes) and clearly knows it which has likely added to her air of misanthropy.

So obviously I shouldn't text her or try and see her again, but I really want to. My partner probably suspects I'm into her because she knows me well and knows this lass ticks all of my boxes.

Will update you in a couple of months when I'm single and have been rejected by both.
>> No. 31720 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 11:39 am
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Added to this I'm thinking that if I do engage with her, I can get to see that it's completely impractical and would be codependent as fuck and likely unhealthy. That's not complete self deception right...
>> No. 31724 Anonymous
11th May 2022
Wednesday 8:53 pm
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Sounds like a dreadful idea from top to bottom to be honest lad, and you'd be an utter fool to follow through with it.

Let us know if she's a good shag.
>> No. 31725 Anonymous
12th May 2022
Thursday 9:40 am
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She's got hair like the top post in /r/Rapunzel, it's sickening. My ex girlfriend, who's recently become friends with my current girlfriend, is letting me vent to her and saying "if you were with me I'd tell you to knock yourself out" which frankly doesn't help, and my girlfriend has mentioned she thinks this lass was flirting with me and not to encourage her by using her as a connection for shrooms.

However she seemed to have no real problem with me staying at their warehouse on my todd, so I think I might do that in the next couple of weeks as I'm apparently welcome back. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to not succumb to any idiocy and instead establish that my dream girl in my early 20s should not be a dream in my early 30s.
>> No. 31730 Anonymous
17th May 2022
Tuesday 4:59 pm
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Online dating rant.

I assume this has always been a thing but modern technology enabled it, Peoples belief that there is always more options means they can't event lock into commiting to a date.

I've been talking to a girl for a few weeks as long distance and arranged to meet her tomorrow and saw today she is still updating her dating profile. Maybe I just smelt being stood up coming, but I called the date off because I consider that a pretty obvious signal she is more interested in the process of window shopping than making a purchase. I don't know if it was a mistake to call or off, and this is a I'm afraid of feeling used again thing so I'm being overly defensive, but I feel like I gain self respect and value from doing it.
>> No. 31731 Anonymous
17th May 2022
Tuesday 5:12 pm
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Now you know why they do it.
>> No. 31732 Anonymous
17th May 2022
Tuesday 5:15 pm
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You have two options- Shag her, or cut contact. It's that simple. If you keep hanging out with her your bird will THINK you're shagging her, and she'll never believe you in a million years if you say you're not, so if you're going to walk into that mess you might as well actually get your dick wet. Either way, it will probably end your relationship, so think carefully.

>My ex girlfriend, who's recently become friends with my current girlfriend

Are you absolutely fucking mad? And you trust her enough to have talked to her about this? Mate you're beyond help.


>I feel like I gain self respect and value from doing it.

Absolutely right. I'd encourage you to turn more birds down, be a bit more selective. Don't just settle for anyone who's interested in you, you are worth more. It's applauded and encouraged for women to think this way about men, so don't feel any guilt doing the same thing back.

I've lately decided that a litmus test for me is going to be if a girl voluntarily sucks me off or not. If she doesn't, and I have to ask? It's not going to work out. It sounds very arbitrary and a little bit sexist, but I don't care- If a girl isn't sexually enthusiastic and generous (as I very much am in return), then I don't want any part of it, and it's her loss.

So long as you're not a total fuck up, there's someone out there for you, and it's only shooting yourself in the foot in the long run when you settle for someone who doesn't fully satisfy you.
>> No. 31733 Anonymous
17th May 2022
Tuesday 6:25 pm
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>Absolutely right. I'd encourage you to turn more birds down, be a bit more selective.

Believe me I am picky. It is just annoying when things have gone on for a while there is sunk cost. And I just needed to have a bit of a teary and rant about that. I do genuinely worry though that's as a society we have become so hyper consumerist that we are starting to treat relationships the same way. Dating feels very much like a market place now.
>> No. 31734 Anonymous
17th May 2022
Tuesday 6:43 pm
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I know what you mean, but on the other side of that, does it not perhaps just feel that way because we are exposed to so much more choice? I suspect that in absolute terms, you are no more or less likely to find a suitable partner in the end; it's just that you're being exposed to more of the options. In the olden days you'd never even know 90% of those lasses existed, so you wouldn't feel like they were a missed opportunity.

I think online dating requires a bit of a Taoist philosophy. Don't actively put effort into it, just let it be a thing you do. Enjoy the time spent chatting to people for the sake of it, even if it doesn't last. If you meet a girl and have a few good dates and a shag or two, but it doesn't lead to more, at least you still had a few good dates and a shag or two. Focus on enjoying them in the moment.

Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.
>> No. 31735 Anonymous
17th May 2022
Tuesday 11:55 pm
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>I've been talking to a girl for a few weeks as long distance and arranged to meet her tomorrow and saw today she is still updating her dating profile. Maybe I just smelt being stood up coming, but I called the date off because I consider that a pretty obvious signal she is more interested in the process of window shopping than making a purchase.

Mate you sound a bit bananas. You hadn't even met her yet, what kind of commitment do you think you're owed in this?

I even say that as a lad that has been disappointed by lasses because they can be shitty. You have to at least be open to a second date and try to stay open to the idea that your date might just be sprucing up her profile because she's been looking at it while messaging you, otherwise you're just letting it all get to you and shutting people out.
>> No. 31736 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 9:45 am
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It was the day before we had agreed to meet after weeks of talking, and there had been a lot of me moving stuff around to try accommodate video phone calls that never came because she was too busy, or fell asleep. Things were already on the edge of what I would consider her giving enough effort to try make it work anyway. The fact that she was both too busy and it turned out looking for other options, confirmed a belief that I have always had "people are never too busy you are just low priority".

The 'commitment I am owed' is for her to at least try. You are welcome to build your relationships around people who don't give a shit. But on a most basic of standards I expect that.
>> No. 31737 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 9:50 am
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Well I told the lass, she's fine with it, thinks it's cute. She told me she used to have a crush on her friend at the warehouse (the one who actually sorted us the place), so I think we're fine. We're back in the warehouse for another night and invited them all to a housewarming when we've moved in, and now the lass/the crush have bonded a bit over their masters degrees.

>Are you absolutely fucking mad? And you trust her enough to have talked to her about this? Mate you're beyond help.
That's about it. I know what I can trust her with, she's not a grass. You're right that I might be beyond help though, it's becoming quite clear I just want to build some sort of platonic harem of exceptional women, possibly because their approval fuels me. I'll reflect further on this, it's probably not healthy, and if I pursue it I might become a cult leader.

Seriously though, aren't we mostly pushing 30 now, at least? It seems human to have a crush, and if you're an adult in a trusting, stable relationship it seems like something that's good to share with your partner provided you're relatively sure they'll take it as sharing experience rather than stating intention.
>> No. 31738 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 10:32 am
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>It seems human to have a crush, and if you're an adult in a trusting, stable relationship it seems like something that's good to share with your partner provided you're relatively sure they'll take it as sharing experience rather than stating intention.

I'm sure your intention is good but I feel like that is a bit of a naive view. Maybe some lasses are alright knowing that, but I think a lot more would be on some level insecure about it, even if they don't feel like saying so. It's a bit like if your missus told you your knob is a bit on the small side; no matter how secure and happy your relationship is, you'd probably still wish she didn't say it, deep down.

We have this fetishisation of personal self-esteem and stoic, mindful self-honesty these days that I don't think is always entirely healthy, it goes too much the other way. The cult of self-love demands we banish all of our insecurities, but people do have insecurities, and that's normal. I think telling little white lies, or lies of omission, is also normal and healthy as an act of compassion to your partner around those things.

If I were to be completely honest I would say the internet has made us all a bit too autistic for empathy, so instead we need it to be this black and white situation where having everything in the open is "good", even if it's not.

Sage for my own little rant which is only tangentially related to your thing. Soz.
>> No. 31739 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 10:50 am
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>"people are never too busy you are just low priority".

Like it or not this is basically the truth. But at the same time, you have to keep in mind that people do have lives, you can't always be their top priority and it's a losing game if you expect to be.

Etiquette comes into it a bit too, because you're bound to have those days yourself where you just can't be arsed picking up the phone, so you excuse it when they do it in exchange for them turning a blind eye when they do it to you. Everyone knows what's going on, when you see the message but swipe the notification off so they don't get the blue tick, it's just an unspoken little acknowledgement of modern society. It's quite a taboo to call people out on it.

As a singlelad currently I have a couple of lasses I've comfortably settled into the friendzone with (i.e we've had sex before and might have sex again but we're not chasing each other down for a relationship), and this is the main difference I've noticed- Instead of texting every night to keep their attention, I'm fine if I don't hear from them all week, I know at some point I will.

With all that said it's definitely a good indicator in the early days when you've just matched with someone. If you can't build up a rapport quickly it tends not to go anywhere, and you can tell when they can't really be arsed.
>> No. 31740 Anonymous
18th May 2022
Wednesday 3:03 pm
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I get what you're saying, but there's a big gap between discussing a crush and smiling at your lass from a closet while she gets railed bareback by Pablo the barback. We've chatted about other people before albeit only from a physical perspective, kissed other people in front of each other, and discussed what we would feel comfortable with quite honestly.

I agree that there is a bit of cultishness around the progressivism in personal relationships, and I have no doubt the next generation will judge their predecessors for not being polyamorous by default, but that's simply not how most people are wired, and expecting them to be will just cause trouble.

It's definitely something I considered a while and tried to phrase delicately, and sharing it made it feel less significant in a way. Now she's almost just a random fit lass.
>> No. 31741 Anonymous
20th May 2022
Friday 5:27 pm
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How realistic is it to blame your life circumstances on lacking one thing or another? It sounds self indulgent, right? If only I had thing, i could be happy, successful, or just plain 'better than this'. Happiness comes from within, but what about this Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Does avoiding sexual intimacy impact a persons ability to grow? Does that justify a life of minimal effort and care?

For years I've thought everything would be alright if I could just openly enjoy sex but I don't know if that's true anymore. I dare say the objects of my attraction would remain objects even if I could engage with them. It wouldn't change my heart - on the contrary it might corrupt it futher.
>> No. 31742 Anonymous
20th May 2022
Friday 6:29 pm
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I think problems can broadly be put into two categories. Things that you have the power to change, and things you don't. The difficulty lies in separating the two and understanding your relationship with them.

There are lots of things about your life that can and will affect your outcomes, things that are, in essence, "not your fault". Your social class, your race and gender, how encouraging your parents were, if you had good teachers in school or ones that didn't care, etc... I think it's just as healthy and important to recognise those things and take the burden of blame off yourself, as it is to regognise the things that are "your fault" and to pro-actively find solutions.

I notice a lot of people have an unhealthy attitude to life and their mental wellbeing as a result of veering too hard into one side or the other of that coin- My ex girlfriend for instance, was the classic Tumblr woke girl, so for her, everything in life was somebody else's fault. She had an excuse for everything, and retreated entirely into that mindset that she was always a victim, and there was nothing she could do about it, therefore she never did anything about it. It was as if she thought the very concept of self-improvement was inherently right wing propaganda.

By the same token if you go too far the other way, you're only going to end up disillusioned when your hard work doesn't pay off in some area of life, because some things are out of your control. Your boss will still snub you on that promotion for the arse-licker sycophant, you will stil get passed over on dating apps no matter how much you work out, people will still think you're less intelligent if you have a thick Northern accent, etc etc. A post a bit earlier on mentioned the cult of acceptance, the view that you can twist your brain like a contortionist into accepting whatever shitty circumstances affect your life and be at peace with them, but to me that's where the horseshoe meets in the middle for these two extremes.

I don't put a lot of stock in Mazlows heirarchy, because it's the heierarchy of Mazlow's needs, not your needs, or my needs.Beyond the very basics, I believe everyone's needs are different, and I don't think it's a heirarchy either. It's a balance of factors which you need to be in harmony. We're more like sims with little bars that all need to be at a comfortable level, and we get depressed when one or more of them runs low. Mazlow's heirarchy makes more sense when you're looking at society on a zoomed out macro level, not an individual person.

For instance sex is very important to me, and having a good sex life is a cornerstone of my self-esteem. Some clever cloggs fisherperson academic out there might tell me this is "toxic masculinity" and I should "work on myself" until I'm fine with being a sexless loser or a cuckold or whatever, but fuck that. Having good sex frequently makes me happy, and that's about as simple as I need it to be; it seems absurd to me to suggest that I should brainwash myself into not needing sex when it would be far simpler and more fulfilling to simply seek out a partner who will give me good, reliable sex. It's not up to anybody else to tell me if that's right or wrong, that's just how my individual psychology works.

Think about what your goals are, think about what you can do to get there, and make a plan. Be realistic about what obstacles you will face, and don't blame yourself if those obstacles cause you problems along the way.

TL;DR Get a hobby.
>> No. 31743 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 3:13 am
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There's this chubby gal who desperately wants me to bang her but I'm not totally feeling it. She's okay looking and has a fun personality, but I have literally never fapped to a chubby chick in over 16 years of being a wanker.

Is there a way around this conundrum? Should I start fapping to porn with fat chicks to condition myself to this untapped vein of desperate and horny portly birds?
>> No. 31744 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 5:43 am
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Fill your boots m8.

>> No. 31745 Anonymous
23rd May 2022
Monday 9:59 pm
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>Does avoiding sexual intimacy impact a persons ability to grow?

I think you don't fully grow as a whole person if you don't also grow in terms of your sexuality.

That said, I don't think you need constant affirmation in the bedroom to be a whole person. Even dry spells of a year or two, speaking from experience, can actually build character and don't have to be detrimental to your health, sexual or otherwise.

Spending two years just wanking off can be a very frustrating experience, especially when you get close a few times but something then prevents it from happening, but in the end, you realise that there are other things in life. And that sex, for all its merits, isn't always the most important one of them.

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