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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 28168 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 9:24 pm
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So when you lose consciousness and then later regain consciousness, you believe your consciousness is unchanged? One continuous unchanged state? You think you live beyond the limits and confines of your own perceptions? They define our reality, but that also means we are nothing without them.
>> No. 28169 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 9:51 pm
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The pattern of matter and energy that is your mind changes as you sleep, which is also what it does while you're awake. I'm happy to concede that can mean you're a "different" person when you wake up in the morning, in the sense that the pattern of matter and energy that is you has changed, but in the same way you're a different person with every passing moment. The energy does not "dissipate" because if all the energy in your brain dissipated you wouldn't wake up from it. You would be dead.
>> No. 28170 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 10:07 pm
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When you are dreaming different chakras open up and some of the energy dissipates, you also take in some energy from others during this period. Sometimes this will be someone you are close to emotionally, sometimes someone you are close to physically/geographically, sometimes a completely random person.

Death is when all the energy dissipates at once you and you stop being a part of the physical world and are "only" part of other people's dreams.
>> No. 28171 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 10:13 pm
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Yeah, heard it all before and no, it doesn't. Doesn't address the issue at all. To everyone else, I wasn't looking for a philosophical debate on the soul or afterlife. We don't know, but we'll find out when we die.

I was just saying that if it's not existing that lies ahead, I can't wrap my head around it. It's terrifying to me and everything I've read hasn't eased that at all. I can be content with my life, that I've tried to make things better in the world, all the things I've experienced etc. but none of that equates to being fine with none of it ever existing again.
>> No. 28172 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 10:19 pm
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Except now I've tried existence and it's really good. It's like when I bought my first pair of quality headphones, I had to throw out half my music downloads because I couldn't stand listening to such low quality audio. I've tried something so much better that I don't ever want to go back. Don't make me wear five quid earbuds and listen to sub-one-hundred bitrate audio, please, I don't want to go back.
>> No. 28173 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 10:23 pm
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>When you are dreaming different chakras open up and some of the energy dissipates, you also take in some energy from others during this period. Sometimes this will be someone you are close to emotionally, sometimes someone you are close to physically/geographically, sometimes a completely random person.
Citation required. Preferably not from a website about crystals.
>> No. 28174 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 10:33 pm
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I feel like dying is more like a gradual slide into obscurity, much like the Byzantine empire.
>> No. 28175 Anonymous
22nd February 2019
Friday 10:33 pm
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I know you what you mean, it terrifies me too. I'm unable to comprehend the idea of my consciousness not existing from my death until the end of the universe and beyond. I guess I won't be aware of it in the same way it will be like being asleep, but then again it isn't sleep.
>> No. 28176 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:19 am
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There's nothing to go back to. Literally nothing. You won't be sad or disappointed or angry, because there won't be a you.
>> No. 28178 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:22 am
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Imagine the hubris of a man who compares his short and fleeting life on this earth to fucking Byzantium. I'd kill for your confidence.
>> No. 28179 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 12:27 am
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Imagine being wedded enough to the concept to feel put out by someone making an analogy that obviously went over your head due to your ignorance of the historical context.
>> No. 28180 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 1:29 am
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Exactly m8, that's what we're saying is the problem here.
>> No. 28181 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 2:51 am
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I know that and it's making me angry right now. I don't want to experience nothing, because something is way, way better.
>> No. 28182 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 3:12 am
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I refer you back to Big Bird.
>> No. 28183 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 3:33 am
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Then think about this - what's better, enjoying life when you can, or wasting it by worrying about not being here forever? You know life is short and death is guaranteed - these are two things that we can do absolutely nothing about, so it's a waste of time, energy and our remaining days to sit around being angry about an inevitability.

Wallow in how unfair it is all you like, but objectively, in doing so you're wasting the time you're angry is so short.

Since we're wading deep into flowery metaphors at this point I'd like to quote Ajahn Chah (allegedly)

“Do you see this glass?” he asked us. “I love this glass. It holds the water admirably. When the sun shines on it, it reflects the light beautifully. When I tap it, it has a lovely ring. Yet for me, this glass is already broken. When the wind knocks it over or my elbow knocks it off the shelf and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, ‘Of course.’ But when I understand that this glass is already broken, every minute with it is precious.”
>> No. 28185 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 2:59 pm
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Again, this doesn't really address the issue, and I don't think it can really be addressed now. I'm not spending my life worrying about it, it just pops into my head every so often and it doesn't prevent me from doing anything, I can still enjoy life..But all that doesn't change the fact.
>> No. 28186 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 4:43 pm
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The issue can't be addressed, you're going to die whether you like it or not. You can use that knowledge to motivate you rather than to antagonize you if you so choose.
>> No. 28187 Anonymous
23rd February 2019
Saturday 7:03 pm
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I would argue that as an issue that cannot be addressed, one cannot therefore address it as [consider it to be] an issue.

Its just a part of life OP, no point fighting it. Worry about the things that are under your control and let the things that aren't look after themselves.
>> No. 28192 Anonymous
26th February 2019
Tuesday 2:05 am
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I just want my phone to be fixed.
>> No. 28193 Anonymous
26th February 2019
Tuesday 3:07 am
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I'm not a real person. I'm just a shell. There's nothing going in my head, I don't function, I don't think and I don't move.
>> No. 28194 Anonymous
26th February 2019
Tuesday 12:02 pm
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You typed this and are observant enough to be able to see you are feeling numb and detached.
>> No. 28195 Anonymous
26th February 2019
Tuesday 2:26 pm
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So? I can't do anything about it. I'm just perpetually stuck.
>> No. 28202 Anonymous
27th February 2019
Wednesday 10:39 pm
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You can't say that for sure until you burn out your adrenal gland trying to get high on life, m8.
>> No. 28206 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 6:18 am
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You feel like you're stuck, you are not stuck. Feeling stuck is kind of normal, especially with mental health concerns. Saying that you 'cannot do anything about it' is a wonderful way to absolve responsibility. You're going to feel stuck no matter what you do.

It is reasonably clear roughly what you need to do to feel (or be) better, but you need to endure the discomfort of 'feeling stuck'.
>> No. 28207 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 12:02 pm
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No, I'm literally stuck. I'm the same person who was talking about my phone being broken and I only have ten pounds to my name. That's not enough to fix said phone and as such I can't obtain things like my national insurance number or make calls to organisations that could help me; shout out to IAPT! I am being prevented from doing certain things due to the conditions I am in, I'm stuck.

And before anyone has a go I'm perfectly aware that I got myself stuck so I'm not trying to offload any blame, but it doesn't stop me being pissed off about it.
>> No. 28208 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 12:09 pm
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Have you been to citizens advice? Would you be able to use a library computer to contact any of the organisations you need to?
>> No. 28209 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 12:10 pm
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Also what area of the country are you in?
>> No. 28210 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 7:59 pm
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I got stood up by someone yesterday, I don't get how people can be so cowardly.

They just didn't show up and blocked me, we had talked online for the better part of a month you think it would have occured to them before the point I was waiting for them in a public place. What is wrong with people?

Are they just too conflict adverse to do the basic things required for civility?
>> No. 28211 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 9:07 pm
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Probably yes.
>> No. 28212 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 9:29 pm
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And yet, you’re posting here completely unhindered.
>> No. 28213 Anonymous
28th February 2019
Thursday 9:30 pm
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Exactly what you said. It's also probably a lot easier to abandon or ignore someone you've never met.
>> No. 28214 Anonymous
1st March 2019
Friday 1:40 pm
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You dodged a bullet mate, look at it that way.
>> No. 28215 Anonymous
1st March 2019
Friday 1:47 pm
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And yet, what bearing does that have on my complete lack of money, good will or energy?
>> No. 28217 Anonymous
1st March 2019
Friday 2:12 pm
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I mean if your problem is that you don't have a phone, why can't you shoot an email off to the people you say you want to contact but can't?

It's hard to understand why you'd bother complaining about your situation if you're entirely unwilling to even try to change it.

I could send you a phone and some credit for it. I could almost certainly get you a job in a kitchen if you're in the UK. There's other fine lads here who could direct you to local health and welfare resources. Are you interested in any of that?
>> No. 28218 Anonymous
1st March 2019
Friday 3:38 pm
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But I am trying to do change things, that's why I'm in a foul mood and I had to cut several death and rape threats from my prior post, because I was trying to change things today and someone tried to menace me by calling me names and asking me "do you wanna' get headbutted?", so that's why I'm all worked up, and because whenever I do try to improve myself, whether I take six hours or six months, I always cock it all up anyway, and I just end up more ashamed and isolated and miserable, until I get to the point I'm at now where I just put on an impression of the person I was three or four years ago, but in reality I'm utterly checked out and frankly I don't know what I am anymore, so I rant and rave on shed-centric micro-blogging platforms to purge those feelings in someway. I'm sorry if I didn't give an in depth enough breakdown of why and how I came to be feeling the way I do at this very moment in my other posts, I just assumed everyone else assumed everyone else had a decent reason for posting in the "existensial dread" thread.

And yes, I'd love a job, thanks. I'm really good at washing dishes, but chopping onions is just beyond me. It's going to be about three weeks before my NI number arrives though so cash in hand only, please.
>> No. 28219 Anonymous
1st March 2019
Friday 7:31 pm
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I hate not having money. I'm lucky to get enough to just about get by, but I don't really get enough to put some to the side, so if something came up at short notice I'd be fucked. My partner is in a similar position, being in debt (not loads thankfully) meaning she can't save up despite getting a fairly decent wage. It'll take us a fair few years to save up a deposit for a house, which is fine, I just hate the uncertainty of renting. At our last house, the landlord gave us six weeks notice to vacate the property, and knowing that could happen at any time just terrifies me. I have such a fear of uncertainty, but I know I can't do anything to stop it.
>> No. 28229 Anonymous
7th March 2019
Thursday 6:44 pm
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So, any one else who's ever been incredibly lonely, what are your coping strategies? I've used a bunch over the years but it feels like I've gone from being on the roof to standing on the ledge to holding on to it with both hands, then one. Then people start greasing the ledge.
>> No. 28230 Anonymous
8th March 2019
Friday 5:37 pm
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I do a lot of comforting things; watch old familiar and comforting TV shows, re-read old books, listen to the same old audiobooks again etc. I tend to stick to comedy and particularly a lot of "adult animated series" and stay away from drama or media designed to give you "feels"; that's what I'm trying to escape from.

I'm living somewhere where I don't have a single friend in the world, socialising isn't really an option, my only source of income has just gone down the drain, and doing things like binge watching Red Dwarf is about all that stands between me and a long walk off the short cliff of insanity.
>> No. 28231 Anonymous
9th March 2019
Saturday 2:01 pm
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Been back on the tv show/movie binge, not so bad so far. Problem is a lot of things now have at least one emotionally charged moment which I'm always having to skip past. Trying to read more but I'm basically drunk high all the time.
>> No. 28232 Anonymous
9th March 2019
Saturday 10:44 pm
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Tenancy fees will be banned from June this year, which should make it less expensive to move rented accommodation, at least.
>> No. 28233 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 12:30 am
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Finding an environment where you can meet and interact with people is a pretty good tip. Working up a bantering familiarity with the people you encounter regularly. Finding a familiar hobby like a liked show is a good bandage. But the cure requires more proactive effort.
>> No. 28234 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 1:47 am
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It likely won't be while I'm in my twenties, but as I'm unlikely to ever improve my lot, I feel I'm very likely to top myself one day. I just don't see it ending any other way.
>> No. 28235 Anonymous
10th March 2019
Sunday 2:03 pm
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I sort of feel that way. Things could be a lot worse for me, and I don't neccesarily feel suicidal, but I can't imagine it not getting to that point eventually.
>> No. 28236 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 8:04 pm
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Anyone have any experience on lithium? I'm in the process of having the physical health checks to see whether I can start on it. Not looking forward to the weekly blood tests until the lithium level in my blood reaches the required amount. And the stuff I've read is making me worry it's going to fuck up my kidneys and/or my thyroid. But I also read it's very effective for treatment resistant depression so it's worth a shot, just worried because the side effects seem pretty grim.
>> No. 28237 Anonymous
11th March 2019
Monday 9:09 pm
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With regular blood tests, the risks of lasting damage are minimal. The side effects are different for everyone - some people are just fine on lithium, some people get really nasty side effects, it's just luck of the draw. If you've reached the point where they're offering it to you, then you should probably give it a go. We have no way of predicting who will benefit and who'll suffer side-effects, so the only way to find out is to try. A relatively small dose of lithium can be quite effective as an augmentation to an SSRI, which might be useful if you've had a partial but inadequate response to an SSRI.

For what it's worth, it did nowt for me but it wasn't particularly unpleasant either. My side-effects on lithium were far more tolerable than on venlafaxine or moclobemide. I had some nasty nausea for the first week or so and I was a bit shaky for the duration, but it was basically fine and I would have stuck with it if it had worked.
>> No. 28238 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 5:46 am
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1150mg/day Lithium here, diagnosed bipolar. Aside from the mild tremors and the fact that alcohol is an even worse idea than usual I haven't had any really terrible side effects from Lithium.

That said SSRI's and SNRI's (escitalopram and venlafaxine) sent me completely loopy whereas Lithium seems to keep me nicely balanced out.

I have full bloods done every three months to check for liver, kidney and thyroid problems. I had to have lithium blood level tests every month until we dialed in the correct dose for me.

I'm still moderately to highly depressed but at least I no longer suffer from bouts of life-threatening mania, which can only be a good thing.

Of course for every person who reacts badly to SSRI's and reacts well to Lithium there will be a person who has a totally opposite experience. YMMV.
>> No. 28239 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 12:23 pm
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Thanks for sharing your experiences. Can I drink alcohol on lithium? The information book they gave me said nothing about it, and when I've looked online it said it's fine as long as I stay hydrated.
>> No. 28240 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 2:11 pm
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You'd be unwise to get absolutely wankered, but sensible drinking is fine.
>> No. 28241 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 2:21 pm
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Within reason, alcohol can cause your mood to shift. Restrict yourself to social gatherings and a couple of drinks or the odd pint down the pub. Don't endeavour to get drunk, tipsy is your glass ceiling.
>> No. 28242 Anonymous
12th March 2019
Tuesday 8:02 pm
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> it's fine as long as I stay hydrated

Correct. The problem is, if you get properly drunk to the point of a hangover then you're already dehydrated as it is. Dehydration causes the level of lithium in the blood to spike dangerously which can cause a whole host of problems. Obviously if you're exercising (and you should be, it helps depression a lot) you need to keep well well hydrated there too.

Incidentally, what you want to be most worried about is anything serotonergic, particularly drugs like MDMA, LSD, psychodelic mushrooms, etc etc (and potentially anything in the cocaine or amphetamine family is probably a bad idea too) but also some over the counter medicines such as cough syrup containing dextromethorphan. If in doubt check with your doctor etc.

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