|>>|| No. 28507
I'll make my answers as long as I fucking please.
By a "non-person" I mean that I'm penniless, friendless with no education, no means of getting a job or much chance being offered one anyway. I have nothing and I am nothing, I'm just pissing away time because I can't handle anything else. No one can help me because the only people I know anymore are just as fucked as I am, and that's my parents. GPs just send me to a pathetic CBT counselor and give me pills that ruin my hard ons forever.
I want to be at uni, and a flat to live alone in, no one has ever helped me achieve these things though, whether that be direct intervention of some sort or just explaining how I could do so myself. I'm a fucking 15 year old still, in terms of my abilities, but I'm sort of erudite and stubborn so everyone assumed I'd figure it out. Well, I fucking didn't, and now I'm a washed up NEET scumbag and I don't know what to do anymore because I've fucked up everything I've tried so far. No one cares, and I'm too much of a headcase to sort things out on my own. I should just fucking end it, because it won't get any better. Even if I did end up alone, in a flat, attending uni, I'd just get so stressed I'd have another meltdown and wind up shutting myself off from the world until everything has too FUBAR for me to salvage. It's just gotten tedious now. I'd be madder to carry on the pretense that I'm capable of change than I would be to off myself in some woods.
Look how fucking nutty I am, just look; what the hell I am going to be like after another five or six years of this? I'm going to end up hurting someone, I already get angry at the drop of a hat, I could be a rampaging loon by then. I can still hide it, mostly, but I've already walked out in front of cars just to fuck with people and considered knifing a bloke for giving me shit at a train station. I'm not normal, I never have been. No one seriously took note so they thought I might be something, but all I am is a let down to them, and danger to everyone else. I just need to face facts and stop pretending.