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|>>|| No. 23560
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.
With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.
Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
|>>|| No. 27782
"Sorry for you loss, let me know if there's anything I can do" is about right.
Send a bereavement card too, old people like that sort of thing.
|>>|| No. 27783
I think a simple "I'm sorry to hear about your loss" covers everything in those situations.
|>>|| No. 27784
>What are some good platitudes for a time like this?
Talk about 'being there for him' 'if there is anything he needs' if you want to be actually sincere try asking him how he feels and discussing it with him. Remember these things aren't all about grief and wallowing, sometimes making sure time goes on and people have other things going on in their life is important. Last time one of my mates dad's died and went to cancel on a board game meet up we had been planing for months I told him
"you have my dearest sympath. I can't really offer any kind of familarity for your situation but know that (and I'm sure I speak for everyone here) we care about you, and your families well being. I think we will probably play something else instead, if you feel like you need a break from your grief over the weekend there will be a space at the gaming table for you."
|>>|| No. 27785
Second this, a card is usually appropriate for people of that generation. Offer to take him out to something he enjoys like the football or just a pub lunch, getting out and about can be hard and people who are grieving don't often ask so actively making it happen rather than just saying "if you need me I'm here" doesn't often get people coming to you (but you should obviously still say that too like >>27784.)
|>>|| No. 27786
>I think we will probably play something else instead
I know you meant you were going to play something that needed a set number of players, but I first read that thinking you were planning on playing a game called Kill Your Dad or something.
|>>|| No. 27788
If mental health is supposed to be getting the same level of treatment as physical health why in the name of heck do they keep offering me talking therapy?
|>>|| No. 27793
I've realised stimulants often make me calmer and even tired. Friends have joked I'm the only person they've ever seen have a nap right after a line of coke or bombing speed. I usually have espresso to help me sleep, too. The internet seems to think it's because I have undiagnosed adhd, though I can imagine a Gp's reaction to a 30 odd year old bloke coming in with that one.
|>>|| No. 27794
>though I can imagine a Gp's reaction to a 30 odd year old bloke coming in with that one.
Attitudes vary; my local NHS trust has a dedicated adult ADHD service.
|>>|| No. 27796
This reads like a viz letter bollocks. What would make you feel like it was the same level of treatment some surgery? a lobotomy perhaps, maybe some electroshock therapy?
|>>|| No. 27797
Psychosurgery and electroshock therapy work, they just have horrible side effects that you want to avoid if at all possible. It turns out that having a bit of your brain burned out or having electrically-induced seizures twice a week for months is somewhat unpleasant.
|>>|| No. 27800
Nobody will give you a lobotomy any more. You might, might get an anterior cingulotomy if your illness is life-threatening and every other treatment option has been tried and failed. Only three patients received that treatment in England and Wales in 2016. It's the last resort of last resorts, for good reason.
Do the therapy, give it your best effort and get back to us if it doesn't work.
|>>|| No. 27815
Talk therapy helps me so much more than I imagined possible. I go in once a week feeling like I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I come out feeling like I can get back up off the canvas and go again.
I would say that overall it's probably helped me more than the psychiatry (piles of pills) has.
|>>|| No. 27830
But I want and need someone to sit down with my and help me fix the pathetic, grey, smudge my life has been for the last several years. An hour long pep talk doesn't help me at all, maybe I feel better for that day, but it doesn't last any longer. I often end up feeling guilty because my therapist is just another person I've let down. As for pills I've tried them for patches and they were horrible, my life was better at that time, but there were many other factors that helped with that at the time. Look how long it's taken me to build up the energy to reply to these two posts for goodness sake?
I just want someone to help me. Practically, physically, help me, but I have no one to call on for that kind of thing so I just rattle around in my increasingly demented brain. I can't even send an email or get myself a drink of water some days, never mind fix up my CV or apply for an apprenticeship. Maybe I'm just a thicko with a broader than average vocabulary after all. However even if that's the case I'm still massively underperforming.
I wish I wasn't such a vain, cowardly, prick, because I'd either have killed myself or never have gotten to the point where I constantly thought about killing myself.
|>>|| No. 27831
Give the MIND infoline a call on 0300 123 3393 during office hours. They can tell you what support is available in your area.
The hard truth is that nobody is going to knock on your door and offer to fix all your problems. You can get better, but you'll have to do a fair bit of the legwork yourself. That's just the way it is right now. Every week, every day, every hour and every minute offers you a choice - are you going to try? Are you going to do something that might make your life a tiny bit better? Are you going to stick at something even though you don't feel like it? Are you going to ignore your negative thoughts and feelings and just crack on? It's your choice.
|>>|| No. 27833
Editing my CV made me so nervous I now feel to sweaty to leave the house, but I lack the 20 pence needed to print it off at the library anyway, so who fucking cares.
I don't even have a phone though, I'm just knackered from every conceivable angle. From the lies I've told to the out-of-the-blue misfortunes, everything's gone to hell.
|>>|| No. 27834
And they just keep getting worse.
I can't go anywhere, do anything, or tell anyone though. Scared of what will happen if I keep it all bottled up.
All I want to do is run far away, but I can't.
|>>|| No. 27835
Going to kill myself tonight when my partner goes out. Crisis team told me to watch a comedy film and have a bath. Think I'll just OD.
|>>|| No. 27836
This seems like a cry for help otherwise you wouldn't have mentioned it. whats up?
|>>|| No. 27837
at least you tried.png
My depression is right on top of me today. I forced myself to go out and go to a salsa class instead of wallowing in bed. Now I'm dressed up nice in a bar waiting for it to start and feeling worse and wishing I was wallowing in bed.
|>>|| No. 27839
No I just felt progressively worse and cancelled at the last minute and took a long slow walk home. I don't think it would have helped if I stayed. Yesterday i was in a mood where it was hard to give a shit or focus on anything. I felt like at any moment I'd just give up entirely and collapse in the street and just stay there. When I got home I had a nice wallow in bed till I passed out.
Thanks for asking, it was thoughtful of you.
|>>|| No. 27840
Can I suggest trying a different hobby? All the people I've ever met who have taken salsa classes have been depressing to be around for one reason or another. It's the go-to thing for sad people for some reason and I can't imagine that's a good energy for you.
|>>|| No. 27841
>Can I suggest trying a different hobby? All the people I've ever met who have taken salsa classes have been depressing to be around for one reason or another. It's the go-to thing for sad people for some reason and I can't imagine that's a good energy for you.
I don't think the class had anything to do with it to be honest, it was just my state of mind yesterday. There is definitely the slight whiff of despair among a few of the men, for me it is a pick me up because I get to meet people I'd quite like to knob.
I was essentially following the logic that when you feel like shit from depression you should try push yourself out of it and be active, it just failed this time.
>Can I suggest trying a different hobby?
I do lots of other hobbies and have tried more, do you have anything in mind that can satisfy my need for exercise and socialising with the opposite sex midweek?
|>>|| No. 27842
> I do lots of other hobbies and have tried more, do you have anything in mind that can satisfy my need for exercise and socialising with the opposite sex midweek?
Dogging. Plenty of fresh air, too.
|>>|| No. 27843
Bouldering and then climbing are good ones. It's a good workout (for getting a bit of a buzz on from exercise, not for getting built) and the nature of climbing gives you a goal to work towards either in the space of one session or over a few weeks/months. It's quite fun too.
|>>|| No. 27844
How do you start? It always seemed more like an urban legend to me than anything.
I already do it, but thanks for the suggestion all the same.
|>>|| No. 27845
All that the girl I'm seeing seems to do is have anxiety attacks, avoid trying new things because she has no confidence in herself, cry in her room and talk to nobody aside from one or two people she knew from school. She doesn't try to impose any of this on me but because it is so all consuming it's all I hear about.
I can't think of much to do to distract her or make her feel better and I can't really help at all.
I've been in similar emotional states in the past that I eventually dragged myself out of, but I got about no sympathy from any of the girls I met then so I'm going to give myself at least a bit of credit here.
She's currently at university but from the sounds of things she's probably going to drop out, which will land her right back at home which would be terrible as her parents are likely the cause of this.
I just thought she was shy during the summer, something I could deal with, but it's mostly come to light while we've both been away studying. Which is a problem as I'm not enjoying being long distance, and we don't have that much in common. The problem is I don't want to break the poor girl by breaking up with her but it's going to happen at some point.
|>>|| No. 27846
I suspect that most of the responses you're going to get from here on in are to say you end it sooner rather than later. You're not doing anyone any favours by prolonging a situation that you can't sustain and is causing you grief.
|>>|| No. 27848
What part of this strikes you as "minor", it seems intense. Make a new thread, lad. I sometimes ignore this thread, because it's a sounding board where you can get things off your chest, probably not the best place to ask for advice for a serious issue, as it might get lost in a few posts, or threaten suicide (you know who you are), but I digress.
|>>|| No. 27849
Be honest with her that you think she is living an unhealthy life and encourage her to seek treatment. Chances are she will be too anxious to see a doctor, so then you can say she is refusing to help herself and you can break up with her.
|>>|| No. 27851
Same. I haven't listened to dubstep in months. It's all just jazz, B.B King, classical music and Joe Bonamassa.
|>>|| No. 27852
I sort of meant that my sense of empathy seems to be here one day and gone the next, possibly because of how long I've spent shut off from the world, and that that makes me uncomfortable, but not much.
Your thing is odd too.
|>>|| No. 27860
If it weren't for the pangs of anxiety in my chest, I could almost be said to be... no, I'm definitely not happy, but I'm a little bit chipper. Kind of.
|>>|| No. 27861
Last night I had a recurring nightmare, it involved fighting the same shapeshifting monster in different settings when I defeated them in one setting I 'woke up' in the next, but the worst reality of the all was the last one the one where I was actually awake.
Having a monster to fight gave me a meaning and purpose even if it was fucking terrifying something for my soul to focus on, my goalless real life I feel emasculated, there are no monsters and everything just gets slowly worse from entropy and my life is filled with endless chores is the worst nightmare of all. I hate what I've become.
|>>|| No. 27862
You can pretend that there is a monster somewhere, so you can devote your life to fight it. It works better when the monster does not exist and so it cannot harm you in your "good fight". You can become an SJW, a political activist, an activist for LGBTPAQBRRAP+ rights, join a Linux community or Scientology, the sky is the limit. Our society has many fake ideals to stave off the horror of a meaningless existence.
|>>|| No. 27864
I'm not a Christian, but I have a sincere love of Gospel music and a deep affinity with the African American church. They really do see themselves as being at war with a shapeshifting monster - the devil. The world is full of hardship and cruelty, especially if you're a black American; they're fighting the good fight against those indignities, with god on their side. It's a mindset that allowed them to survive through slavery and Jim Crow and a succession of transparently racist presidents over the years. I think that the literal belief is essentially risible, but the metaphor is rather beautiful.
If your life feels empty and goalless, do something about it. Get off your arse and do something kind for someone who is suffering. Take up the sword of compassion and become a warrior against the monster of indifference. Ring up your local food bank or homeless shelter or hospice and ask them if they need volunteers. You'll feel better for it, I promise.
|>>|| No. 27889
Of you lads who are married, or who intend on marrying; without wanting to seem suffering Sour Grapes I do hope that the love stays alive, because this divorce process had suddenly become quite harrowing.
Despite the fact that I initiated this divorce, despite the fact that I would do everything exactly the same way again; going through the flat I'm about to give up, the last flat we shared together, knowing that I'll be moved out within a week, splitting everything into piles of hers and mine. Well, it's been pretty fucking miserable.
|>>|| No. 27890
Sounds painful and difficult, I don't think there is an easy way to do these things, keep on slugging through, you have my sympathy.
I have a friend who avoided breaking up for years because they didn't want 'the hassel' I couldn't live like that.
|>>|| No. 27894
Well, today was the first actual 'good' day. Every light was green on the way to work, it was a relaxed shift, and I got out bang on time meaning that I missed the beginnings of rush hour (getting out at 6:00 vs even 6:05 makes a huge difference), and am now at home having a post work beverage.
May be of little coincidence that I have had basically no social interactions outside of work stuff.
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