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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
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>> No. 31758 Anonymous
28th June 2022
Tuesday 6:26 pm
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How fucked are you if you get slapped with a CCJ mid mortgage application?

I don't even know what the fuck it's for, I only know about it because of an Experian alert telling me my credit score has suddenly tanked. By the looks of it, whoever it is has my old address, so I've been absolutely none the wiser. I spent about half an hour waiting on hold on the phone to the court that issued it, then got cut off as soon as a human answered. So that was nice.

I've been Googling about it and apparently there's things you can do, but that will still take ages and I can probably kiss the idea of a mortgage goodbye until it's sorted. So the sale will fall through and I'll be back to square one, only having wasted a lot of time, emotional energy and money, for less than fuck all.

Probably a daft thing to kill yourself over but I am actually considering it, I just feel like I'm not allowed a single fucking thing. Any time I work hard and try my best to play by the rules and save up and be responsible and all that, it always blows up in my face, with timing and irony that would be hilarious if I weren't living through it. I am sick and fucking tired of it.

What the fuck lads.
>> No. 31759 Anonymous
28th June 2022
Tuesday 6:49 pm
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Can you go to the court and ask them in person? I am a big fan of interacting with people whose job it is to help me, and I've only ever wanted to violently dismember two of them with my bare hands. Also, check the paperwork you have signed so far; it's the bank's job to find these things out about you and if you get a CCJ after you've been approved, the bank obviously didn't care enough beforehand to stop you. People who are two or three years into paying off a mortgage probably get CCJs all the time, and the bank doesn't revoke their mortgages.
>> No. 31760 Anonymous
28th June 2022
Tuesday 7:14 pm
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Nah, haven't been approved yet, the valuation survey is on Thursday, so while presumably they will have checked my credit file before they booked that, I'm assuming they'll still flat out reject it when they run a proper check.
>> No. 31761 Anonymous
29th June 2022
Wednesday 5:17 am
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Never pursued social recognition, never pursued relationships (platonic or romantic) with any real gusto, stopped falling for materialistic trappings long ago. Main goal was to avoid work but I realised it would take less effort to treat easy work as a kind of waking meditation than to work to avoid work. I'm content but it feels like everything around me is trying to force an artificial discontentedness upon me.

I was going to say that this is a weird kind of headspace to exist in, but the very act of recognising this particular thought stream has rendered any judgmental power it might've had inert.
>> No. 31762 Anonymous
1st July 2022
Friday 11:56 am
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Addendum to this: It's from a parking ticket by the modern day highwaymen of ParkingEye.

It's bullshit for multiple reasons, not least of which the fact I appealed it at the time, because I was parked completely legally, and never heard back from them. But they have the legal power to just directly fuck you up the arse, for absolutely no reason, without you being able to do a thing about it. Frankly it's criminal. But I bet they've got a mate or two in the Tory party to see to it they're allowed to just extort people like this. I digress.

None of that makes a difference to the here and now. Apparently there's a process to go through to appeal and overturn judgements that have made without your knowledge, like this one, but the process itself could take weeks and if it fails (I don't fancy the chances knowing my piss poor luck) you're stuck with an unsatisfied CCJ which is even worse. So it looks like my best bet is sucking it up and paying it even though it's horseshit.

I can't fucking take it lads. I think this is going to end in murder suicide. Just find me a fucking board member of that company. I've had it with living in Terry Gilliam's fucking Brazil.
>> No. 31763 Anonymous
1st July 2022
Friday 1:14 pm
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Sometimes I wonder if I might be depressed, based entirely on just how much motivation I have to learn computer hacking to bring down multiple massive corporations , and yet I never actually even try to learn or do it.
>> No. 31767 Anonymous
8th July 2022
Friday 12:15 pm
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Landlord's potentially selling the house I live in, and my income is so low I can't afford the deposit and first month's rent required for moving house. Fuck.
>> No. 31768 Anonymous
8th July 2022
Friday 12:18 pm
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Feel for you mate. Have you no mates with a sofa they can lend you? Failing that, is the Hotel of Mum and Dad still open for business?

I don't think things are going to get any easier for any of us regarding housing any time soon regrettably.
>> No. 31769 Anonymous
8th July 2022
Friday 12:33 pm
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I think my partner and I are going to be contacting parents/grandparents asking to borrow some money. It's very frustrating, as the letting agent has told us the landlord is using this house as a "bargaining chip". They're selling off their other land and flats, which are behind my house, and want to use my house to sweeten the deal for whoever buys the lot. Probably so they can demolish it and build an access road to whatever they build on the land.
>> No. 31770 Anonymous
15th July 2022
Friday 11:39 am
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Another update on this. Sent them payment two full weeks ago, and notified them of my current address in the same letter. I know they received it because I sent it by recorded delivery. Anyway, another letter has just turned up at my old address, dated yesterday, to inform me I need to pay. I've sent them 3 emails over that time frame too, haven't had a response to a single one.

This feels like the small scale legal equivalent of the bit in Robocop where ED-209 glitches out and murders the fuck out of that guy even though he did as he was told; only our legal system is so morally bankrupt it's just allowed to happen that way all the time.

Actually that's kind of what I suspect is going on here. I bet there's not a single human working for this company. It's all automated. That's why appealing their fines gets you nowhere, you just get the automated e-mail response saying "we'll get back to you as soon as we can" and then hear nothing after that because there is nobody. There's no way to speak to a real human on the phone because there is nobody.

I'm pretty confident the only way you can interact with this company whatsoever is by suing them, and I don't have the money for that.

Fuck my life.
>> No. 31771 Anonymous
19th July 2022
Tuesday 11:36 am
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I've realised I'm only attracted to black women. My girlfriend of 7 years is white. My girlfriend before that was black and she was very attractive. I haven't had sex with my current girlfriend (or with anyone) for 6 years as she is white and not black and therefore I am not attracted to her. Thanks for reading.
>> No. 31772 Anonymous
19th July 2022
Tuesday 12:03 pm
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Ever considered buying her some fake tan?
>> No. 31773 Anonymous
19th July 2022
Tuesday 12:33 pm
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Back in the 1970s, there would have been a way round this, but it's not allowed any more. Bloody woke health and safety lefties.
>> No. 31774 Anonymous
19th July 2022
Tuesday 4:30 pm
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>>31460 here. I stopped playing along so she left me just before my birthday, also saying she'll move out. However, she's lost her job, tried benefits (tier 5 visa so not allowed), and still buys makeup and various crap.

Helpline was useful. I am rather happy now, though we're both on the tenancy so it looks like (as with her sort) she'll drag it out as long as possible (5 months or so). I'd pay for her to leave but, not being able to hold down a job, she'll just fuck up a month later.
>> No. 31775 Anonymous
19th July 2022
Tuesday 6:06 pm
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No offence, mate, but she sounds like an absolute rotter.

Hope there are bluer skies ahead for you.
>> No. 31776 Anonymous
19th July 2022
Tuesday 7:50 pm
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Dump your girlfriend, sell your stuff, move to Nairobi.
>> No. 31777 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 2:52 pm
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Setback after setback. One step forward, three steps back. I really can't be arsed with all of this any more.
>> No. 31778 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 4:04 pm
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Try going in a different direction?
>> No. 31779 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 6:34 pm
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Why even live when I will never be able to fuck Lizzo. Not being funny, I genuinely don't see the point. My less sexy gf hasn't got the it factor that Lizzo does.
>> No. 31780 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 6:37 pm
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Everytime I see her name the first thing I think of is Newsround.
>> No. 31781 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 6:43 pm
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Who the hell is Lizzo? I googled it, and it appears to be an American singer? Is that the Lizzo you are on about?
>> No. 31782 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 6:49 pm
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She's one of those insufferable 'body positivity' people that want to promote obesity. She's very full of herself.
>> No. 31783 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 7:57 pm
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She'd be boring if she was thin though. Broaden your horizons.

Also "full of herself" is just sexist for 'confident'
>> No. 31784 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 8:17 pm
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I suppose 'confident' is one word for it.
>> No. 31785 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 8:17 pm
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Go to America m8, you'll be fighting off sassy thicc black women with a stick. They've always thought that anyone with an English accent is basically a prince and the Harry & Meghan thing has hardly dispelled that belief.
>> No. 31786 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 8:23 pm
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She's got it and she flaunts it. If you're arguing that she isn't sexy, you're in the wrong place.
>> No. 31787 Anonymous
20th July 2022
Wednesday 8:24 pm
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Oh, yeah. I kind of forgot from the chubby chaser thread some of you lads get the horn for any fat lass whatsoever rather than just the ones that are actually attractive.
>> No. 31788 Anonymous
22nd July 2022
Friday 7:17 pm
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Because it makes me feel physically sick, presumably like guro makes people feel sick. Your superpower is turning that disgust into arousal, much like I've done with incest.
>> No. 31789 Anonymous
22nd July 2022
Friday 8:09 pm
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We've evolved to find fat women and their plentiful caloric reserves sexy. A thin woman is just an unsuccessful hunter-gatherer. Fancying thin women is like fancying women with bound feet, it's an aberration from our evolutionary programming that only makes sense within a specific social context. You're the one with the weird fetish m8.
>> No. 31790 Anonymous
22nd July 2022
Friday 8:10 pm
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Can't we all just agree that the only truly disgusting degenerate here is the political foot fetishist?
>> No. 31791 Anonymous
22nd July 2022
Friday 9:11 pm
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>> No. 31793 Anonymous
31st July 2022
Sunday 4:14 pm
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I hope I never have to buy or sell property again in my life, it's months of complete agony and stress. Or at least, it is for someone like me, who feels like they're somehow cheating the system, and any day now somebody's going to stop me and tell me there's been some kind of mistake and that I shouldn't have even been allowed to get this far into the process.

I've sat inside like a depressed hermit all weekend because I needed to speak to my solicitor and the brokers last week, but they were both out of office, so not knowing the answer I was after has been nagging at me for the past three days. The entire process is like this.

I know worrying is never helpful in any situation so I try my best not to, but it's hard to keep your mind off it with stuff like this.
>> No. 31794 Anonymous
31st July 2022
Sunday 4:59 pm
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Going to purge myself. No alcohol no sugar no caffeine for a few weeks. Expunge the poisons from my body.
>> No. 31795 Anonymous
31st July 2022
Sunday 6:06 pm
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Let us know how you get on, lad.
>> No. 31796 Anonymous
1st August 2022
Monday 10:54 am
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You know what? I think there are just times in life when nobody feels like speaking to you, and that's okay. I had a moderate downer on Friday night into Saturday morning; nothing bad happened and nobody did anything wrong but I just feel like I contribute nothing, can't offer anything, and therefore nobody will ever help me with my own problems. The feeling passed after a while, but now I'm at work, with all different people, and we're all just sitting in silence. Nothing really needs doing right now so we're just waiting. I've tried to start a conversation with everyone, but it failed and we're all just silent again. I should probably see if I can spin this into a sense that society on the whole just isn't feeling very loving right now, and this is why the people I want to care about me seemingly don't. I'll be raging if this bored silence makes me spiral back into my funk instead.
>> No. 31797 Anonymous
4th August 2022
Thursday 10:40 pm
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Is it possible to just have very generic features or just look like a very generic person to everybody?

People always tell me I look like actors that don't really look massively alike bar key features (hair/eye/skin colour) or tell me I remind them of somebody. A few times people have asked for photos with me in public when I don't know them, although this is quite rare, it has happened a few times. Just recently I was on holiday at a quite posh place and another guest, a young lady I hadn't seen before, said I looked like a work colleague and she'd seen me at the pool and asked to take a photo of me whilst I was eating with my girlfriend. She literally whacked her camera in my face, snapped a photo and walked off. Didn't really get the chance to say no. Not sure what her friend will make of a picture of me either.

I'm not particularly arsed or anything, but everybody around me when these things happen always seem bemused which suggests it isn't normal and I'm bewildered more than anything if I'm just the most generic person in existence.
>> No. 31798 Anonymous
4th August 2022
Thursday 11:35 pm
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Tell us some celebrities you have been mistaken for. If they all look alike, perhaps there's something to it, but if they're all totally different then maybe you are just completely generic.
>> No. 31799 Anonymous
5th August 2022
Friday 9:20 am
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Shouldn't looking generic be a very common thing? There has to be a bell curve.
>> No. 31800 Anonymous
11th August 2022
Thursday 7:55 pm
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I don't feel any nostalgia anymore.

The way certain memories or thoughts give you a warm and safe feeling, and/or a sense of painful longing, I don't have that anymore. I remember it used to occur for me a lot, and I would take comfort and hide in that feeling, but now it doesn't happen.

Now that I think of it, I'm just not sentimental about much anymore. I'm in a relationship, and I enjoy sex and physical affection, but there is no romantic love. There's no feeling of "specialness". In fact, if we were to break up tomorrow, I'd mostly feel the inconvenience, a sense of lost time, and maybe deep down even some relief.

I don't want to be around friends or family. I don't think I even love my family, anymore. I've heard somewhere that if you can't love your mother, you can't love anyone. It's nonsense, but I get the gist of what it's saying: that you're likely to find it hard to bond with people if a very fundamental bond has been broken.

"Bond" is a good word. I'm not really bonded to anything. At some point I think my life became about survival. I was watching people I was connected to crumble or implode or emotionally atrophy to nothing, and while I tried to be helpful, I didn't want to let myself get dragged down. I never really got out of that mindset. Nobody asked me how I was doing or seemed to have much of an idea what I was doing. I ended up leaving.

I was a really sensitive child. I had no idea how much I'd harden up, and it's worked. I've found a kind of Pyrrhic victory. I've found success, at the cost of all ability to enjoy it or associate it to my earlier life.
>> No. 31801 Anonymous
12th August 2022
Friday 9:57 am
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>"Bond" is a good word. I'm not really bonded to anything. At some point I think my life became about survival. I was watching people I was connected to crumble or implode or emotionally atrophy to nothing, and while I tried to be helpful, I didn't want to let myself get dragged down. I never really got out of that mindset. Nobody asked me how I was doing or seemed to have much of an idea what I was doing. I ended up leaving.

I don't bond well either. I try to be a caring person who is there for others and at least a slight bit overall likeable, but I don't like it when people get too close to me. I need to be able to have an escape plan when things get uncomfortable.

This has been an issue in the past, where exes told me I was "too distant" and not willing to fully commit to a relationship, and that I was giving up too easily when there were problems. And I guess part of it was true, but the other part of me just felt that when things got too messed up and there was no way to fix it, it was just better to move on.

Granted, one ex in particular really would have needed more something like a therapist than a boyfriend, but that wasn't me being cold to her, it was just that somebody with a whole lot of emotional baggage was together with a lad like me with said bonding issues. You then cannot suddenly pretend you're this deep person who is willing to work with a romantic partner on her issues which went beyond what somebody without a therapist's training realistically could have sorted out.
>> No. 31802 Anonymous
13th August 2022
Saturday 11:25 pm
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Are you on antidepressants, by any chance? Emotional blunting is a really common side-effect.
>> No. 31803 Anonymous
14th August 2022
Sunday 10:05 am
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No, I've never taken antidepressants.


I saw a lot more in that film the second viewing.

Maybe it's a reaction to the apathy shown. I used to become very involved with people.
>> No. 31804 Anonymous
28th August 2022
Sunday 4:49 pm
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>>31460 here. Have a bit of time so thought I'd update.

I made a call, it was helpful as I realised the huge swamp of shit I'd gotten myself into. I must have given a few more chances but eventually stopped. It was an interesting period, watching someone pull all manner of tricks to try and get back to normal. Then it was over.

I haven't seen her in a month and she officially moves out tomorrow. Landlord is happy to end the contract early, and I have a new place lined up. I spent a lot on nice clothes and food, have been making much effort with people around me. Simple things like talking to a colleague are much more fun, work and social life have even picked up, magically. Down to 16% body fat too.

It's been surreal: immensely rough but also a strong blinding light of freedom. There's a new energy flowing through my spine and shoulders. I can't tell if this is rock bottom or the peak of a mountain, I don't really care.

Anyway, thanks lads.
>> No. 31805 Anonymous
28th August 2022
Sunday 6:41 pm
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Good on you mate, glad to hear that things are looking up.
>> No. 31806 Anonymous
30th August 2022
Tuesday 1:58 pm
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Ah, you know what lads, I'm actually getting quite worried about the way the economy's going. I'm trying not to watch the news or anything because it's just too depressing, but it's all anyone's on about these days, and the forecast just keeps getting darker and darker.

I was never loaded to begin with, I know some of you on here are flash cunts who can afford hobbies as dull as collecting expensive watches, or are even rich enough to actually have a garden with a shed in it, but I never have been, my entire life has been a fight to keep my head above water, but the water level just keeps fucking rising. As soon as I secure a bit more money, everything gets more expensive.

I was doing alright through the pandemic, but I was living with my ex and working nights all the time, so my bills were halved and I was getting a lot of extra pay. That's not going to be the case this winter, I'll be living on my own and I'll be on more or less my basic pay rate (aside from a weekend shift here or there), and it's really going to suck.
>> No. 31807 Anonymous
30th August 2022
Tuesday 3:19 pm
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I felt that way a few weeks ago. For me, the feeling passed and I stopped caring, so hopefully that will happen for you too. It's not all bad news; perhaps you will get a massive raise at work to cover the financial hardships.
>> No. 31808 Anonymous
30th August 2022
Tuesday 4:44 pm
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The economy is fucked, a lot of people are going to have a shit time over the next couple of years, but I think it's helpful to remember that we've been through this sort of thing before. The press like to bandy about the word "unprecedented", but it really isn't. The good old days that boomers bang on about were marred with strikes, mass unemployment, rampant inflation and race riots. Fifty years ago, only the rich had central heating or double glazing; a lot of people still had an outdoor toilet and a tin bath.

I don't mean to downplay the worries anyone might have or the hardships they might face, but I don't want anyone to feel like we're facing an apocalyptic scenario. It's fucking shit, but it's temporary. Every generation has had to endure something like this, it's just a shame we've gone straight from COVID to a cost-of-living crisis.
>> No. 31809 Anonymous
2nd September 2022
Friday 12:22 am
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>I don't want anyone to feel like we're facing an apocalyptic scenario
Seeing this post on /*/ right above the climate change thread doesn't feel reassuring
>> No. 31810 Anonymous
13th September 2022
Tuesday 12:59 pm
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I found this job on Indeed. It's really worthy, decent money and sounds like something I'd really enjoy, but the requirements basically read as "if you hadn't cocked up the last half-a-decade of your life, this could be you!". I'm not loving it.
>> No. 31811 Anonymous
17th September 2022
Saturday 7:38 pm
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I had a really good few weeks recently, positivity and optimism as I was due to start a new job last week. Then the Queen died, training was postponed until after the funeral (I only found this out after waiting in the training venue for 30 minutes without the organiser ever showing up), and I've been unable to get hold of my new manager due to them being on leave, so I'm missing potential work. This knockback has made me go a bit mental, really want to just jump in the river and end it all. And then I feel worse because one little inconvenience has triggered a massive meltdown in me and I feel defective.

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