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>> No. 23560 Anonymous
16th November 2016
Wednesday 6:49 pm
23560 Minor angst and existential dread, Mk. I
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.

With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.

Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
1074 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 28633 Anonymous
14th June 2019
Friday 10:27 pm
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>>28632

I'm pretty sure >>28626 isn't sectioned currently.
>> No. 28635 Anonymous
14th June 2019
Friday 11:01 pm
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>>28633

Exactly I literally turned up to a doctor just to get a change of prescription, I told them nothing that isn't known to mental health experts already, and they all have the reaction when I tell them properly 'well sounds like you are managing it correctly and doing the right stuff, not sure what more we can do really, good luck, see you in a few months maybe?'

For some reason this doctor got zealous probably because I wasn't in a mood to humour her suggesting the same things I've heard a dozen times before when I wasn't asking for help, I just wanted to get my prescription and leave without having to deconstruct my life for her in a way that gives them the catharsis they've found a sacrificial duck so they can feel they helped in some way so they can be satisfied and stop asking. And because of that I now have another group who want to probe and try micro manage my life.

It would be like bringing something in for lost and found at a police station and them suddenly bringing out a police report and treating it as hostile and suspicious when you say you aren't interested in answering their questions that go beyond the basics because you don't have the time. And then they decided because of it you obviously need questioning
>> No. 28636 Anonymous
14th June 2019
Friday 11:19 pm
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>>28635
>It would be like bringing something in for lost and found at a police station and them suddenly bringing out a police report and treating it as hostile and suspicious when you say you aren't interested in answering their questions that go beyond the basics because you don't have the time. And then they decided because of it you obviously need questioning
That wouldn't be particularly unusual.
>> No. 28637 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 12:10 am
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>>28636

But if it happened to you, you would feel it was a pain in the arse that would put you off 'doing the right thing' in future because it was more hassle then it was worth trying to be nice.
>> No. 28638 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 12:38 am
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>>28635

You're annoyed, I'd be annoyed, but this is how the system works. If I asked a friend "how are you" and they replied "go away and leave me alone", I'd assume that something was wrong. If I saw a copper and legged it, they'd almost certainly chase me. You have the right not to engage with them, but they have the right to section you; if you butt heads with them, they're going to win every time.

You have a history of mental illness, but the crisis team don't necessarily know much of that history and know relatively little about your current status. They want to ask you some questions to work out whether you're a risk or not. You're refusing to answer those questions, they've got a legal duty of care to safeguard you, ergo they're going to keep pestering you until a) you agree to undergo an assessment, b) they can legitimately claim that all reasonable efforts to conduct an assessment have failed or c) they decide to section you for the purposes of assessment.

The system will not change just because you don't like it. You can talk to the crisis team, give all the right answers and they'll sod off immediately, or you can refuse to talk to them and hope that they eventually give up. If they don't give up, they have the legal powers to really shit up your life. Those are the choices on offer. If you genuinely just want to be left alone, then the best choice is blatantly obvious.
>> No. 28639 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 1:36 am
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>>28638
>You're annoyed, I'd be annoyed, but this is how the system works. If I asked a friend "how are you" and they replied "go away and leave me alone"

Only that isn't what happened is it. It would be like if your nosey neighbour heard someone screaming on your TV and then called the police saying there was a domestic disturbance.


>If you genuinely just want to be left alone, then the best choice is blatantly obvious.

Firstly my dignity and self respect is more important to me than going along with what they want. Secondly You've made an awful lot of assumptions that they will just hear the right thing and fuck off. I tried telling them the right thing over the phone and that didn't make them stop they just doubled down on their convictions.

I feel like if I took your plan and they might decided they aren't just going to leave they are going to just continue probing deeper and getting more invasive then I'm in a worse position.

>If they don't give up, they have the legal powers to really shit up your life.

I don't really see what possible grounds they would have frankly, I told them to shoo and a New GP had a baseless inkling, hardly seems like enough of a legal justification to try section me.
>> No. 28640 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 2:38 am
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>>28639

I'm guessing you've been diagnosed with Schizoid Personality Disorder at some point?

>Only that isn't what happened is it. It would be like if your nosey neighbour heard someone screaming on your TV and then called the police saying there was a domestic disturbance.

What do you think would be the sensible response if you were caught up in that situation? If the police arrived and you told them to sod off and mind their own business, would you expect them to leave without actually checking whether there's a dead woman in your flat?

>I feel like if I took your plan and they might decided they aren't just going to leave they are going to just continue probing deeper and getting more invasive then I'm in a worse position.

They have zero motivation to do that unless you genuinely appear to be at risk; if you are at risk, they have remarkably limited resources to actually do anything. Crisis teams across the country are dealing with more actively suicidal people than they can possibly keep tabs on. They just want to tick the boxes on their form that say you're not suicidal or homicidal.

You told them what you thought was the right thing, but from their perspective it's irrelevant - the only thing they care about is completing a formal assessment, for reasons I have explained at some length. You don't have to tell the truth in that assessment, but they are highly motivated to tick the boxes on their form that gives them permission to leave you alone. If they don't get those boxes ticked, their jobs are at risk.

>I don't really see what possible grounds they would have frankly, I told them to shoo and a New GP had a baseless inkling, hardly seems like enough of a legal justification to try section me.

I'm not saying that they will do it, but if you decide to get into a battle with the health system, they have a lot of legal powers at their disposal. The world is full of unreasonable pricks and some of them are mental health service providers. If you don't play the game, it's easy to get labelled as a "difficult patient" or a "challenging service user"; that label sticks, and it makes all of your future interactions with the mental healthcare system more difficult.

I've been sectioned. I've been on a Community Treatment Order. I've seen a lot of people get stuck in a vicious cycle because they won't play the game. The system is designed for compliant, grateful patients who seem to recover quickly after acute bouts of illness; if you don't fit that picture, you're likely to be perceived as sicker and more risky than you really are.

Rather than seeing you as someone who doesn't want help that you don't need, they might see you as someone who is too ill to accept help that you do need. Rather than seeing your refusal of help as a sign of recovery and independence, they might see it as a sign of worsening symptoms. The harder they push, the more you resist, so you look more ill and they push harder.

I'm not saying it will happen, I'm not saying it'll happen overnight, but you're standing on the brink of a slippery slope.
>> No. 28641 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 8:24 am
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>>28640
>What do you think would be the sensible response if you were caught up in that situation? If the police arrived and you told them to sod off and mind their own business, would you expect them to leave without actually checking whether there's a dead woman in your flat?

I'd expect them to prosecute my neighbour for wasting their time and if they didn't I would sue both my neighbour and the police force.
>> No. 28642 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 10:37 am
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>>28641
You'd be laughed out of court as they'd all be doing due diligence and your reasoning is daft.
>> No. 28643 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 10:42 am
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>>28642
Irrelevant. It's the principle of the thing. Just because Boris is going to be PM doesn't mean we all have to turn into amoral scumbags.
>> No. 28644 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 10:50 am
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>>28642
Oh and "the right sort of people" knowingly spuriously report "the wrong sort of people" (in this case a person with mental health issues) to the police all the time. It's evil.
>> No. 28645 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 10:53 am
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>>28643
The principle of the thing is that the police and care people have the obligation to perform due diligence to make sure you're not beating up your wife or about to kill yourself. The moral thing for them to do is to perform the basic duty of care by checking it out, making sure people aren't dead has a higher priority than making sure grumpy hermits have their every desire catered to.
>> No. 28646 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 10:54 am
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>>28644
You're about two feet away from complaining about gangstalkers.
>> No. 28647 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 11:04 am
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>>28646

It feels like you're proving other lads point, to me. They value their privacy enough to not want to jump through inconvenient and potentially humiliating hoops under the threat of unpleasant medical intervention, yet because they are a mentalist then obviously they're just a schizo conspiracy theorist. It really highlights the problems we face with mental health - you can't object to something mental health related because you're mental so clearly you can't possibly make the right decisions. It's a terrifying idea really, and I'm not even the one suffering from mental health issues. And not being fully convinced that a mental health professional will make the right call or leave them alone after today is fully and demonstrably justified.

I do think otherlad should probably bite the bullet on this one, but I fully understand why they don't want to, and it's not a mental health issue that's making them feel this way - it's a fundamental desire for privacy and a fear that their currency successful mental health treatment may be changed or ruined by an overzealous medical professional - I think we can all concede this is reasonable, and no more a sign of delusional thinking than not trusting facebook with personal data.
>> No. 28648 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 11:24 am
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>>28647
Just to clarify, I'm not the lad who actually posted about dealing with this but thank-you all the same. This in particular is an excellent point:
>you can't object to something mental health related because you're mental so clearly you can't possibly make the right decisions

It's like knowing you can serve lower quality food on the kids' menu. 9 times out of 10 the parents will just tell them to shut up and eat their food so why bother to make it good?
>> No. 28649 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 12:36 pm
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How much did you want to reduce your dosage by? Pill-cutters are extremely cheap on eBay but they obviously couldn't do 9/10ths or something.
>> No. 28650 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 3:58 pm
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>>28649
Unless the pills are meant to be cut, then you are wasting your time since we don't know how the active ingredients are distributed in the pill.
>> No. 28652 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 5:35 pm
28652 spacer
Someone turned up at the door, I ignored it they posted a note saying they missed me and asking if I'd like to reschedule. Glad there wasn't some sort of a whispering campaign in their office after I told them on the phone I wouldn't answer the door where they escalated to the absurd and broke in my door in the name of their moral duty to check I was safe from harm.

>>28647

Nice to see someone got and respected my point. Even if you did it in response to other otherlad posts not mine

For the record since it came up I have Depression and Anxiety, nothing related to paranoia or schizophrenia but God knows why the GP told them. She asked me quite sincerely in my brief encounter with her after I mentioned the depression medication if 'I heard or saw things other people don't'. I stared at her in disbelief for a while before I answered. It made me presume she can't tell one mental illness from another and the causal relations of symptoms which is probably why she escalated things unnecessarily.
>> No. 28653 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 5:39 pm
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>>28652

To clarify my point. There is a causal relationship of schizophrenics having depression. But it is schizophrenics getting depressed not the depressed suddenly developing schizophrenia.
>> No. 28654 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 5:49 pm
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>>28652
No offence intended lad but are you another social minority of some kind? As someone who also suffers with depression and anxiety I've noticed that the people who pretend to think it means I'm dangerous for some reason are the same people who pretend to think I'm a secret druggie or that I want to rape white women. Glad to hear it worked out in any case.
>> No. 28655 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 6:29 pm
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>>28652

>but God knows why the GP told them
but God knows what the GP told them, Obviously, autocorrect got me.

>>28654
White passing. It means I suffer no white guilt, but get white privilage, also I can act offended and entitled if people also don't include me in special allowances they make.

So I've never had any of that, if anything most people don't take the idea I have depression seriously because I am superficially upbeat and wacky.
>> No. 28657 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 6:56 pm
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>>28655
>White passing

We're obviously on a different page politically and I have no idea what you look like but I am also 'white passing' and it can be surprising sometimes how much it gives people the heebie-jeebies that I'm almost like them but not quite. I faced this dead on when I was in my early 20s and, although my issues are still there, they don't trouble me to anywhere near the same degree that they once did.

Inb4 50 people dogpile in to insist looking different cannot possibly make a difference to how you are treated and/or how you feel about being treated in such a way.
>> No. 28658 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 6:56 pm
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I want beauty in my life. A beauty beyond the setting sun, beyond wildlife. I want someone to know me and to tell me it's all right. I want freedom from my perversites. I want innocence.
I'm afraid of carrying on like this. Of what I could make myself, of how bitter i might become. Of becoming desperate.

But I think most of all I'm afraid of being a whiney bitch.
>> No. 28659 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:08 pm
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>>28657
>it can be surprising sometimes how much it gives people the heebie-jeebies that I'm almost like them but not quite

What you seem to be describing is white uncanny valley not white passing.
>> No. 28660 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:09 pm
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>>28659
Yes? That's literally the point?
>> No. 28661 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:16 pm
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>>28658

Sounds like you need to go get mashed at a festival and bang someone.
>> No. 28662 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:18 pm
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>>28660

So that isn't white passing then. The point of white passing is people don't recognize you as other and you are telling me they do.
>> No. 28663 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:21 pm
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>>28662
People who actually pass as white don't call themselves white passing, they call themselves white.
>> No. 28664 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:34 pm
28664 spacer
>>28663

People who are european call themselves white. People of mixed heritage or who look like they are European when they aren't don't.
>> No. 28665 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:38 pm
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>>28664
Okay mate. Like I said I have no idea what you look like or where you're from. But I'm sure if I get a non-white vibe from reading your anonymous text-based posts online nobody can ever, ever, ever tell from looking at your face.
>> No. 28666 Anonymous
15th June 2019
Saturday 7:39 pm
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>>28647
>>28652
>It feels like you're proving other lads point, to me. They value their privacy enough to not want to jump through inconvenient and potentially humiliating hoops under the threat of unpleasant medical intervention, yet because they are a mentalist then obviously they're just a schizo conspiracy theorist.
No. I wasn't talking about whether it's right or wrong that people think that, the fact is that they do, the system these mental health people work in is set up in a way that reflects that and depressedlad isn't going to make them stop bothering him simply by being right. They are going to keep being a pain in the arse until he jumps through the right hoops. Calling the police then trying to sue them for not doing what you want is just wishful thinking.
>> No. 28673 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 6:12 pm
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Lying about absolutely everything is more emotionally draining than I remember.
>> No. 28674 Anonymous
18th June 2019
Tuesday 7:13 pm
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>>28666

I did respond to a post that just said 'next you'll be on about gang stalkers' so I don't think it's unreasonable to suggest that post was implying he was a paranoiac.
>> No. 28684 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 12:44 am
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She said she loves me the first time we drunkenly fucked. It was my first time for 10 years (second total).

She's just been drunk on my shoulder telling me she feels safe with me. She's disapointed that i won't drink with her or go back to her flat; nor engage in stroking of hair, hugs and shit.

She's desperatly approaching middle age. There's plenty nice about her but i don't want to support her bad habbits, nor be the one to inspire change in her.

We live in the same building. at times i can hear her shit (and a number of other people - fucking berdsit/house conversions).
This is my home - i don't want her coming back to my home but she essentially has to come within intimate proximity (IE her backdoor is less than a meter from my bed head) to reach her own.
The problem is this place has some benefits. I don't want to move out to get away from this.

Every so often i drink, get horny and respond to her advances which i'm now realising is a mistake. We've mentioned this; 'we shouldn't do it again'. I mean it more than her, it seems. It's as though having those talks is just another step in the game.

I don't want to be there to catch when she falls. I don't mind helping her out - "Want anything from the shops?", "I've had a bad day", etc.

I recognise that i have trust issues, asperges traits and am inexperienced with relationships. But .. surely i shouldn't discount my feeling? For what, a drunken fuck and hollow intimacy a couple of times a week? I want to look into eyes and see myself, or some quality of, but i don't in hers.

Being around her is essentially giving me a crash course in sociability and intimacy - my mental progress has improved significantly by her influence. I'm learning how to engage with people at what seems like an exponential rate.

How do i break intimate contact with her while still maintaining a good neighbourly, perhaps even friendly, relationship? I don't want to hurt the girl.

This is a pretty messed up format but i just need to get it down or risk losing it to apathy.
>> No. 28685 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 8:51 am
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>>28684
I know this is tangential but if she's approaching middle age why are you calling her 'girl'?
>> No. 28686 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 9:31 am
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>>28684
You've both got your own space, you seem to be benefiting greatly from her presence. Is she really such a bad thing? Do you think that you're going to find someone better now, or prefer to be entirely alone?
I'm not saying you should 100% go for anything but maybe have another think about your situation.
>> No. 28687 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 12:00 pm
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I can't stand not even being tired, but still feeling completely done in and hopeless in a way that makes everything ten times more effort. It's just not even worth waking up some days.
>> No. 28688 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 2:12 pm
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>>28685
I feel something for her situation; her choices through life have led her to this place and she seems to be aware of it but she's still trying to escape. I know we all do this .. it's why i play too many video games, wank too often, over eat, over sleep .. anything to avoid responcibility for my lack of effort, trying to convince myself 'no, it's a lack of ability!'.

I get it. Pious. Patronising. It wasn't so long ago she told me she didn't like being patted when i try to break a hug. It's that 'okay, you've had enough' attitude, you know?

>>28686
Honestly I've been considering the situation for months now. Since the start, perhaps 6 or 7 months, it's been on and off like this. I've gone with the flow, convinced myself 'nothing really matters, it doesn't have to mean anything, just enjoy yourself'. And that works. But i've always come back to this moment. And most of the time when i arrive i feel as though i'd prefer being alone.

I've met 2 people i'd rather be dating instead of 'messing around' with my neighbour. The first i fell into a deep infatuation with 6 months or so prior to hooking up with my neighbour and only cooled off just recently. The first time my neighbour and I 'hooked up' all i could think was "what if it's like this with her? (being the infatuation). I waslked around feeling suicidal for a number of days, even talked to a doctor about it.

This is what i struggle with. Is it okay to want someone better? Is the only reason my neighbour likes me because she's self confessed desperate? I've pissed her off plenty, said the wrong things and been as cold as a fish but she's persisted and keeps inviting interaction.

I don't want to be fucking used. That's the distinct impression i got from her talk and mannerisms in the early weeks and months around her.

>>28687
During phases of my fathers depression, it struck me as interesting how often he put so little effort into his domestic activities yet still despaired when they didn't work well.. while making tea he gripped a spoon so weakly that it fell to the floor, thus triggering a tormenting of .. what, exactly? Effort? My father is morbidly obese; moving is an ordeal for him let alone retieving anything from below waist hight.

So, what? Put as much effort in the things you can do, like turning over in bed. Like taking a breath. Put as much effort you can into not thinking, paradox though it is. Cultivate that and you'll be washing up in no time.

Because ultimately you're putting as much effort into depression as anything else. At least, i was.

And here's the patrony again; while i sit comfortable not working, living poor but free on the back of society. Let's hope one day i'll make more effort (but not now, right?).
>> No. 28689 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 2:20 pm
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>>28688
Fuck me, that's like 5 references and a sustained focus on 'effort', namely a lack of it. Do you think that's what's going on - i don't want to bother? I'm getting all squirmy in my chair. I think this might be it.
>> No. 28690 Anonymous
30th June 2019
Sunday 6:13 pm
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For the past week or so, from the second I wake up, until the second I go to bed, I have had an overarching sense of dread. It's starting to realise physically too, in the form of chest pain.
>> No. 28691 Anonymous
1st July 2019
Monday 1:07 am
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>>28687
christ, I feel this too. It's worse lately.
>> No. 28701 Anonymous
4th July 2019
Thursday 3:47 pm
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I can't do anything, I've gotten too weak, if I try I just come apart at the seams. I've lost all the ground I'd taken and now everything's so different I just don't know what to do. It's not even like no one cares, there just isn't anyone left to care. Just thinking about it is overwhelming. I can't access any answers the doctor gives, but I don't know where else to go. Took me the best part of six hours just to wash myself, assuming we aren't including the two day build up to just that.

Every decision I've ever taken has ultimately been a failure and no I've got no options left.
>> No. 28729 Anonymous
8th July 2019
Monday 6:21 am
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I've had my current job for 6 months now.
Do I enjoy it? It's tolerable. I'm not interested in the work but it earns me money to support myself.
I always intended it to be something to stick with while I better myself and move on to something better a couple of years later on.
The problem is my boss is a prick who can't control his temper. If something annoys him it flows over into other things. He seems to relish taking it out on others. He's the type of person who can't admit he fucked up and it's the other persons fault. I feel he's a bully and my opinion is shared amongst the other workers, sadly only me and a few others work directly beneath him. I've had a few arguments and tempered moments with him before and every time has made me want to look for a new job.

I'm having conflicting feelings of either looking and getting a new job (which may turn out even worse) or putting up my current job and not over thinking or letting my bosses behaviour get to me (which I'm not sure is even possible for me)
>> No. 28746 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 2:57 am
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What kind of evil cunt messages you on your birthday to drivel a load of self-pitying wank, retconning all their previously stated reasons for unceremoniously dumping you however many months ago and replacing them with some bullshit "I thought that splitting up was for the best not just for me but for you too, I was making your life difficult" reasoning while layering on the "I think you about you and stare at your whatsapp profile photo every day hoping to see you pop up online just so I know you're out there still" guilt trip crap? And on top of it all making me construct the most infuriatingly run-on sentences out of pure rage. .

And here I am stuck out on a work contract in the arse-end of the pacific north-west of America on my tod, and all I want to do is fuck off out to a bar and get absolutely shit faced except that I can't because I have to actually show up and do actual work, not show up late stinking of booze and terminal heartbreak psychosis.

Next week I'll be back home and able to throw myself into a void of prescription drug abuse, alcohol, and horrible joyless casual sex that'll make me hate myself; but until then I just either want to scream or cry or just fucking jump out of this hotel room window like a geographically inverse Chet Baker because just as the psychic wounds were starting to heal she had to come along and rip the scabs off and give me that worst and most useless of all gifts - hope.

Christ, lads. I really need a fucking drink.

Sincere apologies for utter stream of consciousness rambling, normal service will resume shortly.
>> No. 28747 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 3:07 am
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>>28746
>Sincere apologies for utter stream of consciousness rambling, normal service will resume shortly.

Let it all out, that is what the thread is here for.
>> No. 28749 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 9:18 am
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Due to mild obsessive-compulsive disorder, I am constantly plagued with odd sentence fragments, like a song stuck in your head. For the past few weeks, the words "cum dungeon" have popped into my mind several hundred times per day; they are slowly being replaced by "wreck my shitter".

cumdungeoncumdungeoncumdungeonWRECKMYSHITTERcumdungeoncumdungeon
>> No. 28753 Anonymous
11th July 2019
Thursday 12:27 pm
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Does anyone want to be my second referee on a volunteering application? Or send me fifteen pounds, please. Or what's a good way to work up enough of a head of steam to top yourself?

Okay, get back soon, bye!
>> No. 28754 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 12:39 pm
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>>28746
If you don't want the horrible joyless casual sex, I'll take some.
>> No. 28755 Anonymous
12th July 2019
Friday 1:36 pm
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>>28749

>> No. 28757 Anonymous
13th July 2019
Saturday 2:58 am
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>>28754

Anyone else remember when the arctic monkeys were cool? No, just me? Ok. But way back then Alex Turner wrote a pretty good lyric: "how can you wake up with someone you don't love and not feel slightly fazed by it?". It pretty much sums up how I've started to feel about waking up mid afternoon next to the third stranger I've had unprotected sex with that week: fazed as fuck.

When I was in my twenties it felt like a vainglorious conquest, these days it just feels like the only thing that's been conquered is something that used to live inside me and is long gone.

It's a fucker when the first person you've actually related to and invested emotionally in heavily for the first time in five years turns out to be even more mental than you and fucks you off on a bizarre whim because her psychologist told her she was making your life hard like you're some kind of child who can't make his own decisions. Honestly everything feels so fucking futile right now I'm finding it extremely hard to express, or even relate to anything emotional except looping the same song for hours on end.

Not even sex distracts you from that. Maybe it's time to cash in my pension plan and finally get into heroin.

"Glass of petrol, vodka, gin, it feels like breathing methane / throw yourself from skin to skin and still it doesn't dull the pain."

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