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|>>|| No. 23560
We tend to have a lot of repeated threads here, but I also get the feeling people don't tend to post in /emo/ unless it's a big issue.
With this in mind I suggest that we have a thread for stuff that's got you down a bit and you need to get off your chest, without it being major enough to make an entire thread devoted to it. We can also use it as a go-to for minor relationship advice, work problems, social drama, and things like that.
Everyone gets down from time to time, let's put some Sisters of Mercy on and wallow together for a while.
|>>|| No. 26957
If you're going for the passive/aggressive approach, I'd suggest a different angle.
|>>|| No. 26959
Well it was a nice emo thread we had once. Let the /pol/ cunt off begin.
|>>|| No. 26962
I think I have to break up with my partner. I've swung back and forth about it over and over the past few months, but I think push has really come to shove now. Nothing specific has triggered it, it's just not going away, so.
Anyway the main issue is we live together so it's going to be fucking messy. She's got less stuff to move than me, in fact nearly everything in the flat is mine, so I'm right in thinking I'm well within my rights to throw her out right? Even if I did take it upon myself to move, she'd have no bloody furniture left, so I don't think she has a choice.
I wish I'd never let her move in, jesus christ. I'm trapped with her and it's gonna be a bloody nightmare no matter how I deal with it, isn't it. I'm just hoping some of you lads have been through this and have words of wisdom to offer.
|>>|| No. 26963
If you don't want it to get messy, fuck off and let someone else micro-manage her getting her stuff out. Someone you trust who is well briefed. First thing you need to do is change the locks, though. You need a witness if you interact after the breakup until she is out of the house, a domestic is not what you need as they'll remove you and you might not be allowed to go back for weeks.
Please trust me, I was niave enough to think "she's not like that" once. It cost me my Dog. I had to fucking kidnap her.
|>>|| No. 26964
>I wish I'd never let her move in, jesus christ. I'm trapped with her and it's gonna be a bloody nightmare no matter how I deal with it, isn't it. I'm just hoping some of you lads have been through this and have words of wisdom to offer.
It doesn't need to be that dramatic breaking up even when it is entangled like that as long as you accept that it shouldn't be quick. I assume you are both civil people and you don't have your eye on anyone else, so you can wrap it up slowly. Have a conversation explain your position and give them time to find a new place. One of the greatest sins I've ever seen among friends is sticking with people just because it would be 'too difficult' to break up, it is a mentality that is quite alien to me and I watched people suffer for it as the relationship turned more toxic. You owe it to them to be decent and honest and clear in your intentions.
|>>|| No. 26966
Not him, but it sounds like difference is "man with no dog" versus "man who lost dog".
|>>|| No. 26967
Whilst that is true, I don't think I would let it define my attitude that much going forward, I've been burnt before from breaking up with some real fucking nutters in my time and I haven't let it tainted my view of the next lass.
In my last break up I suggested the king Soloman as a solution to the pet problem. We reconsiled our differances in the end though so I didn't end up owning 2 cats arses (well I did, but they still have the front ends attached).
|>>|| No. 26968
>I assume you are both civil people and you don't have your eye on anyone else
I'm a very calm, collected person when I need to be. It's her I'd consider... Unpredictable. Which is part of the reason this is happening of course.
And let's just say that the second part is the push that came to shove, so to speak.
Hmm, frankly I think im going to stay put and just sort out all her stuff myself while she's at work or something. I don't think there's anyone suitably neutral in the matter and I have a lot of expensive music gear at risk.
|>>|| No. 26977
My girlfriend seems to have developed this weird selective memory where she decided she doesn't want to go out to events and then later blames me for it that we haven't gone. I've literally gone to events with out her at this point mutiple times because she pulled out of doing them. But no it is my fault we don't go out together.
She cries and tells me I'm neglecting her and I really have no solution to this problem because I'm tired of taking the blame for a problem in her head. I feel like not agreeing to do stuff with her anymore because I'm tired of this, but I'm worried that will be the beginning of the end.
|>>|| No. 26978
She sounds a bit mental anyway lad. We have a rule of thumb around here about that.
|>>|| No. 26981
There are obviously a lot of positive qualities to the relationship but this is driving me mad.
I'm now angry with her, because I'm tired of taking the emotional guilt trip for this. I told her to fuck off when she was leaving the house which is new and dangerous territory for us (probably the heat is a factor, but I doubt that will be an acceptable reason when it comes to making peace about this later). I need to express how much she is pissing me off to her, I can't take another round of trying to sit there calmly and constructively whilst she ignores what I do for her, and tells me I'm not paying her attention, and to say I am shifting the blame when I list off all the things I do for her (which I hate because this shouldn't be about keeping score, but I am trying to demostrate that I do a lot for her and don't neglect her).
She needs to know her behaviour affects me emotionally and that I'm not a punch bag or an automaton and I have feelings too. I am man hear me roar.
|>>|| No. 26982
You're being entirely too logical to get through to a woman. It sounds sexist but men and women aren't different that way. You have to appeal to her emotional empathy instead of trying to make her see things in a balanced, impartial way. It just won't work.
She does sound more like she's the problem here however, so just be aware it might not be one you can solve.
|>>|| No. 26983
>She does sound more like she's the problem here however, so just be aware it might not be one you can solve.
My hope is this will all just naturally defuse when the heat goes down because this seems like the hill I'll die on otherwise, my issue is I've been cornered to the point I need to defend myself emotionally from her because I can't take being told I'm neglecting her and need to devote more time to her, when I can state 3 romatic gestures I did towards her today before noon.
|>>|| No. 26984
You should track them on a fridge calendar and see if you can't out-passive-aggressive her.
|>>|| No. 26985
>see if you can't out-passive-aggressive her.
The only winning move is not to play, I think I'll stick with not actively sabotaging my relationship thanks.
|>>|| No. 26987
The only way to deal with someone being passive aggressive is to calmly point out what they're doing though. Sometimes seeing someone do what you do gives you enough objectivity to realise it's stupid.
|>>|| No. 26996
My partner's support for this evening's news about my aunt's spinal graft failing and getting infected and my having to go into work tomorrow and ask for compassionate leave so I can hopefully so visit her before the infection spreads and she goes unconscious lasted all of 15 minutes before he started whinging about his job and completely failed to do any of the tasks he'd offered to. So instead I then did the washing up, empty and bag and re-do taking the bins out because he put waste in the wheelie bin unbagged (?!), and got glass in my toe from the kitchen floor, the kitchen floor he'd said he'd vacuum on Sunday and that task, also, never happened. I've just finally managed to get the bastard shard out with tweezers after much painful poking around, so at least I can do all the walking I need to do to get to the hospital in London to go maybe see my aunt before she dies.
I am getting very, very sick of people saying they will do things and then fucking not, or fucking up the very smallest and simplest of instructions meaning that I then have to go back and do it again.
I also have no idea if this is more suited to the /101/ thread or here but we're at each other's fucking throats this evening and I'm so fucking sick of it and I don't think I care. Not today.
I would also really like my aunt to not die before I can say goodbye, please.
|>>|| No. 27009
People need to start leaving people who don't do housework or stop moaning about it, in my opinion.
I've broken up with otherwise suitable partners for being slobs and habitual mollifiers. If people refuse to accept their behaviour, it'll go extinct. It's how animal behaviour works, humans aren't an exception.
6 months down the line tell him you want to get back with him, if he can send you a picture of his kitchen sink, just to sink home the message.
That got a bit /101/ too.
|>>|| No. 27010
Try the BF Skinner approach and give him consistent rewards to reinforce and ingrain behaviours you want. E.g. If he does the dishes, give him a spontaneous handjob.
|>>|| No. 27012
We are both just having very bad weeks, although arguably he takes on all the extra work he volunteers his time for, whereas my aunt never asked to have a broken spine.
Please, if any of you are religious, ask Allah or your deity to let me say goodbye to her. She's the only decent one from that side of my family and very kindly put me up for a bit and gave me her time when I was a teenage tearaway. She is a very good, kind lady and far too young to be going out this soon.
|>>|| No. 27044
Just something to get off my chest.
I blame my parents for a major point in my life which I believe could have led to a much better life for myself, physically and mentally. Instead it drove me into a pit of depression I eventually got out of and tried to salvage something of the years I wasted.
They never really interacted with me when I was a kid, didn't ask me how my day was etc, they looked after me but that as far as it goes. I reakon it's because of this they made decisions for me which they felt were good and never really sat down and asked me what I wanted.
I rely on them as much as I hate it, I yearn to get a job that pays enough so I can move out and still have money to save/spend on things I want (fuck me for wanting something good eh?) To finally be free from them and move on with my life. Me and my father tend to have an arguement every 2-3 months that ends with him threating to throw me out rather than to see my side of reason. He likes to make me feel powerless. Eventually things get better after a lot of proverbial begging on my knees and I have to put on the fake smile and carry on with everything bottled up. Like nothing ever happened.
They're under the assumption that I made the choice to live at home and they don't know how much I want to leave. I like having a safety net. I wish I could walk out the door and not look back but without something set in stone to fall back on, I'm stuck here.
I'd say I'm depressed yet I still get out of bed everyday because I have to. Rather than puting on the rose tinted glasses I want to change the situation. It's sadly something that won't happen overnight.
I'm hanging tough lads, I'll eventually get out of it. Just needed to vent somewhere.
|>>|| No. 27045
My parents were a lot like that too. They were by no means abusive or neglectful, that would be over dramatising things. But the way they never said anything nice to me when I did well, but always had something to say when I did something wrong. The way they expressed more concern about getting me out of the house than securing a real future.
It is pretty hard to deny that the way your folks bring you up is a massive influence on how your life turns out- But the generation our parents come from were constantly discouraged from being self reflective enough to realise you reap just exactly what you sow. They didn't mean to inflict such harm and their way of dealing with it is more of an impotent frustration at themselves than the disappointment and castigation it feels like.
|>>|| No. 27069
So, I did it, I broke up with my girlfriend. I bit my tongue all week because I didn't want to have to make her go to work in the morning with the weight of it on her mind, and needless to say she was completely blind-sided.
Fucking hell lads. I mean she took it better than I expected, even if she did cry in my arms for nearly an hour begging me not to. But it never gets any easier does it. I know exactly how it feels to be on the receiving end; when someone you're devoted to just casts you aside and there's nothing you can say or do to change their mind. That feeling of powerless horror that changes into resignation and anguish. That hopeful tone in her voice that I'd say it's okay and order a Chinese like every other Friday night.
I did the right thing though. It would only have ended in even more tears later on, but man if I don't feel fucking miserable right now. Hold me lads.
With perfect timing, the Polish lads next door started playing Winds of Change on the bluetooth speaker while she was packing up her stuff. Cunts.
|>>|| No. 27071
Good on you for figuring out what you need to do and working towards it. As someone who has accepted he will be trapped forever I wish you all the luck in the world. Some people find it surprising how quickly their depression subsides to a manageable level once they are out from under the thumb of someone who takes pleasure in making them feel small.
Sorry but I have to disagree with most of this. I don't know about your situation but the other chap is clearly describing psychological abuse. You say your family are similar, it's possible that you've been conditioned to think certain abnormal behaviours are appropriate. Using your depressed son as an emotional punching bag is not justifiable on the basis of "it was worse in the old days", a lot of abusers (of all stripes) literally tell their victims this while they are abusing them.
|>>|| No. 27086
She's gone to stay at one of my mate's places because she had no mates of her own and only ones she'd made through association with me. Said mate came over to my place to help her collect the rest of her shit while I was at work but a few things have gone missing and now I'm in a spiral of paranoid anger that she's turnt
the weeans my mates against me.
|>>|| No. 27087
Is it stuff she could have feasibly told them was her stuff? Still seems a bit much, but either way this is further confirmation you made the right choice getting shot of her, and you can stop feeling bad at all now?
Also, is this mate a bloke? Cos, well, you know.
|>>|| No. 27088
Well, it's drugs. A decent amount of them. Said mate has a lass he's engaged to so it's not like I have to worry about that (nor do I really care for obvious reasons) but also he likes drugs.
I'm over feeling bad about it, I think, it's just the whole idea she's gonna go about sullying my name to all and sundry now. Well, what little of a name I had left to sully. Fuck it all.
|>>|| No. 27089
Not judging, I enjoy drugs myself. But if you knew she liked drugs, lived with her long enough for her to know where you keep your stash, and yet somehow expected her to do the right thing when she was in your place when you weren't there after you had dumped her then I've got a bridge to sell you.
|>>|| No. 27090
>>27089 here. I'd like to add if "drugs" means weed then I take it all back and she's a massive bitch. Otherwise my point stands.
|>>|| No. 27092
No no, that's the reason I suspect my mate rather than her. She's never smoked in her life meanwhile he's a massive stoner. But even so I'd expect him to have my back rather than do something like that. But then it would make sense if she'd taken it just to fuck me over.
The paranoia inherent in this situation is quite ironic, I know.
You are forgiven lad.
|>>|| No. 27097
Wait. So your mate has made a big show of the big man bullshit, helping your girl go back to your place while you're out, but at the same time he's done the equivalent of nicking a couple of cans and a bag of mince out of your fridge? (disclaimer: I smoke too much and too constantly to have ever had a significant amount of weed in my house at one time, results may vary). He's done you a favour. Fuck him, and fuck her if she knew that's what he was doing, you are better off lad.
|>>|| No. 27100
Plot thickens. It wasn't my mate, it was his girlfriend who accompanied her. So he's dropped a bollock letting that happen. You can just imagine the pair of them rifling through everything going "YEAH FUCK HIM HE DESERVES IT THE BASTARD."
You live and learn. I'd have had him covered if the roles were reversed, needless to say he probably won't be such a close mate going forward.
|>>|| No. 27102
To be honest the fact he sent his girl with yours is in his favour as backwards as that may sound. "Girls being girls" (even if it's with a friend she met through you) and grabbing a few "souvenirs" is much better than her walking out of your life and right into another bloke's.
It's shit but there's not much your mate could've done. Don't hold it against him for dropping a bollock. We are all either whipped or lonely after a certain point.
|>>|| No. 27104
I couldn't give less of a shit if she walked into another blokes arms, I've got another bird lined up to shag already.
What pisses me off is how I'm to be the bad guy sat here posting on .gs about the whole thing and she's gone straight to the very people I would have turned to first for support. She's played it very dirty.
But anyway, it'll all be water under the bridge in a couple of weeks, so whatever.
|>>|| No. 27120
Two posts, twenty minutes apart, saying your friendship with this bloke has been jeopardised, and it will be water under the bridge soon.
|>>|| No. 27131
A small update: I got the text to say she'd died about 30 minutes before I pulled into Euston when I went down last week. Funeral's tomorrow, had to take Thursday and Friday off as annual leave because there's no fucking way I'm going to be in a state to go in after putting her to rest. At least she's not in massive amounts of pain from having a broken back any more, that's something good to take from this I guess.
I don't often type this out unironically but allow me this once if you would lads: sigh.
|>>|| No. 27135
Thinking out loud like that is what this board is good for. Don't be the type of aspie who tries to be a smarmy cunt in the blue threads, okay lad?
|>>|| No. 27136
I'm really sorry. Like you say, it's not going to make it any easier to deal with the loss, but there's comfort in the fact that at least she's not suffering any longer.
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