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>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
199 posts omitted. Last 50 posts shown. Expand all images.
>> No. 27984 Anonymous
23rd January 2019
Wednesday 8:23 pm
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>>27983

It's the fine line between gawking at a lass on the one hand, and giving her a wink like, "Hey there... you seem nice... you want some of this? Yes? no? maybe?". And then looking away again and seeing if she makes eye contact again.

And I guess the key is also to not appear needy or desperate. You ideally project that you have noticed that person across the room. But that apart from that, nothing has to, but anything can happen.

I guess it's really an exuding confidence kind of thing which I am trying to explain here in a bit of a circumlocutory way.
>> No. 27985 Anonymous
23rd January 2019
Wednesday 8:37 pm
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>>27983
>I'm not sure how one can look at something 'flirtatiously'

You've got to work on your smoulder.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0Re-KecYd4
>> No. 27987 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 12:29 am
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>>27982

>a "lock", which will no doubt make a woman more uncomfortable than it will spark her interest in you

Now this isn't necessarily so; I've pulled it off on a number of occasions.
>> No. 27988 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 10:01 am
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>>27987

Then it still depends on what your particular kind of "lock" really looks like.

Evidently it's not the usual weirdo creep staredown in your case, but with many lads, that is exactly what it will look like.

It's all about subtleties. Women are big on that sort of thing. In a way that especially the inexperienced lad has no real way of fathoming.
>> No. 27989 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 3:48 pm
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>>27974

I just don't understand how it isn't obvious to literally anyone with a brain, is all. Anyone you are going to try and chat up is going to have an opinion on how you look one way or another. Assuming that they either don't have an opinion or that their opinion isn't relevant is absolutely male entitlement, look at the disgusted reaction when women carry on like that. Nobody wants to be around a nasty Essex slag who throws herself at every man in sight regardless of their interest (or lack thereof), but it seems to be completely normal for men.
>> No. 27990 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 6:47 pm
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>>27989

> Assuming that they either don't have an opinion or that their opinion isn't relevant is absolutely male entitlement

Except, that's not what the problem is. Most men are simply genuinely clueless to that effect. It is just something they have never considered, but which I am sure the majority will gladly take on board as advice if you point it out to them.

Not everything is about male entitlement, SJWlad. If anything.
>> No. 27991 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 7:12 pm
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>>27990

>It is just something they have never considered,

I think that's what he's trying to get at - men don't consider the woman's view because traditionally and historically, they haven't really had to.

Maybe entitlement is the wrong word, but I think it speaks to an inherent bias in society that 'most' blokes don't even think about trying to figure out or accommodate a woman's thoughts and behaviours.

To put my cards on the table, I'm not even entirely sure I've convinced myself with that argument, but I don't know, maybe it's right.
>> No. 27992 Anonymous
24th January 2019
Thursday 7:39 pm
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>>27991

>men don't consider the woman's view because traditionally and historically, they haven't really had to

You are still reading much more into it than there really is to it.

>Maybe entitlement is the wrong word, but I think it speaks to an inherent bias in society that 'most' blokes don't even think about trying to figure out or accommodate a woman's thoughts and behaviours.

Eh.

I don't think that's a valid statement anymore these days.
>> No. 27997 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 5:21 pm
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>>27968
I did that shit once.
It failed just as expected. Still don't regret anything.
>>27980
It's an interesting thread.
> It's something so far removed from my frame of reference I wouldn't even know how to deal with it if it did happen.
I've experienced it several times. Bitterly ironic: by women I had no interest in.
Either ignore it, maybe stare back with a visible boredom.
>> No. 27998 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 6:47 pm
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>>27980

Again, a lot of the older lads (and a lot of lads who are simply in denial) don't want to admit that picking up a partner in real life is essentially over. It's all online now. Fortunately that's an advantage for people who are socially awkward.

I'm 28. I'm a skinny fucker who had no self esteem as a teenager because my friendship group were basically bullying cunts. I was the kind of lad who got scared whenever I heard a woman laugh- You know exactly what I'm talking about there lads. But fortunately, by the time I'd started seriously considering a relationship (other than the high school "girlfriend" I treated like shit) online dating was already starting to become the norm rather than a last resort for saddos.

I've had 4 long term relationships. One of them broke my heart, one of them cheated on me, I broke one's heart, and the last one... Well, we'll wait and see what happens with that. I've shagged a handful of lasses inbetween, ranging from stunning to definite "guilty woulds". But the point is I never thought I'd actually be successful with lasses, and yet somehow I am.

The only thing I did is just started talking to them- Admittedly through a computer screen, but talking to them nevertheless. All over the place, POF, Tinder, chatrooms, fucking Fetlife, you name it. Just constantly talking to girls and conditioning yourself to actually befriend them in the same way you would a new work colleague or new lad in your gaming clan. That's the crux of the matter, they are people. The vast majority of them don't know what an incel is and they haven't been reading about rape culture on the internet for the last five years (Well, my current missus has, but it's part of the thrill to make her swallow my spunk right after an in depth conversation about gender equality).

You don't need to crack some magic code to unlock their ladygarden. You either make friends and- Shocker- Remain friends. Or else you hang out a few times, get a bit pissed one night, and wake up next to her, with dried up fanny juice soaked into your beard. Don't let all this in depth socio-political discussion cloud your mind- Just get yourself out there actually interacting with women.

Sure you'll get knocked back because you didn't read the signs, sure there are some people who'll say your behaviour is inappropriate if you do certain things. I think what those people forget is that women have the same learning curve in life, and they do plenty of fucking reprehensible shit as young lasses before they learn how to be decent humans- Just the same as lads. Don't let it get you down, you're only human. I think people are altogether too judgemental and lacking in compassion when it comes to people and their behaviours nowadays.

tl;dr Dating sites, lad, get on fuckin' POF jesus. If there's nobody near you there's nobody near you, look further and buy a train ticket.
>> No. 27999 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 6:56 pm
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>>27998
>Dating sites, lad, get on fuckin' POF jesus.
You're assuming they've got a nice selection of non-selfie, recent photos in which there are visible friends to put on there.
>> No. 28000 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 7:15 pm
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>>27998
My Tinder profile has:
1. Me on a mountain (so they can identify me)
2. Me in the pub with a couple of m8s
3. Me with my parents' dog
4. Me with some m8s on a night out

My description has been vetted and approved by lads and lasses alike, it reads

"Bassist, photographer. Two cats, one dog. Masters @ <University>."

I'm lucky to get two matches in a month - the last match I had, and talked to, turned out to be 40 miles away - she stopped talking after finding that out - even though I have my range set to 5 miles.

I have OKCupid, and may have got 3 or 4 replies on there in the last 3 years?

I have POF but find the site completely impossible to use. It's like browing in 1998 and every time I click a profile it takes me somewhere else - it's so unintuitive and doesn't seem to let me set any sort of parameters, like "closer than 50 miles" or "within 5 years of my age".

>Just get yourself out there actually interacting with women.
I've said before that I do. It's taking it any further which is the issue.

>>27999
Thanks for the confidence boost, lad.
>> No. 28001 Anonymous
25th January 2019
Friday 7:33 pm
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>>28000

Tinder isn't as useful as it used to be, and by the sounds of it you must live in a cottage in the middle of a national park or something.

With POF, OKC etc, you'll find they switched to app form pretty quickly once things went mainstream. If you're still using it from your PC web browser you pretty much are still in 1998. Get it on your phone and it makes a lot more sense. You can definitely set distance, age range filters etc, and you can also filter by their "dating intention" and stuff as trivial as eye colour.

As for taking things further, it might sound like I'm just repeating the same advice but really that constant "practice" of talking to and befriending lasses is what taught me how to do it. It's a trial and error process I guess, but after a fair few embarrassing turn-downs I started to suss when it's appropriate to turn up the flirting and gauge a reaction from it, and when you can start making more overt signals that you want in her love tunnel. I can't offer you an easy explanation because sometimes it's as simple as what smileys they use; sometimes you just have to take the risk of making a dirty joke and seeing if they respond well or simply shut you down.

But I assure you that the more you do it, the more you will learn when a lass is into you- Honestly, it's not so much a matter of "what do I do to take this further", it's more just not making a massive cock up that scares her off.
>> No. 28002 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 9:38 am
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>>28000

Do you need to put your university in your bio, is it not already in another section? I wonder if this might be a bit dissuading to some of the more working class lasses.

How about putting something a little cheeky in there relating to your hobbies: 'Photographer and bassist, so I've got an eye for beauty and I'm good with my fingers...'

Change your range from 5 to 25 miles. You increase the distance by 5x, but the area in the circle increases by a lot more than 5x. Remember that you are just talking shite to these girls for the most part, it doesn't need to just be restricted to lasses in the vicinity who would be easy to go and visit.
>> No. 28003 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 9:44 am
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>>28000

>1. Me on a mountain (so they can identify me) 

Let me guess - either with one arm waving to the camera from a slight distance, or both arms raised in kind of a Rocky pose.
>> No. 28004 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 10:50 am
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>>28001
I live in the middle of a city.

>>28002
I'll give that a go.

>>28003
Neither. Looking into the distance with the cities and sea behind me.
>> No. 28005 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 11:19 am
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>>28004

>Looking into the distance with the cities and sea behind me.

That's never been done before.
>> No. 28006 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 11:21 am
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>>28005
I don't think this is really advice, is it?
>> No. 28007 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 11:46 am
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>>28004

When it comes to photos I've found your main one wants to be like, out in a pub or something. One important subtlety is that the photos need to be noticeably taken by someone else, not selfies. Little things that show you're not a loner wierdo (even if you are).

Bizarrely my main pic during my most successful period for matches was a photo where I had my arm round a really fit lass from work, both of us holding drinks up. Read into that what you will.
>> No. 28008 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 11:50 am
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>>28007
None of the photos on my profile were taken by me. I'll swap it to the pub one.
>> No. 28009 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 12:24 pm
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>>28007

Conversely, my most successful photo looks like this. Having asked a few women about their experiences with online dating, most of them have mentioned the sheer boredom of scrolling through identikit profiles. The general theme seems to be "If I have to have one more conversation with someone who only talks about his last holiday and his boring bloody job, I'm going to kill someone". Anyone who speaks to me will very quickly figure out that I'm bookish and a bit old-fashioned, so I reckon it makes sense to play to my strengths. I'm sure that this approach puts a lot of people off, but the people who do get in touch with me tend to be genuinely curious about my profile and the conversation between us has a running start.
>> No. 28010 Anonymous
26th January 2019
Saturday 7:08 pm
28010 spacer
>>28009

Similarly I'm sure a great amount of my success only happens to be with the sort of lass who likes a lad with long hair and a beard. "the viking boyfriend" supposedly, only I'm more a pasty LARP enthusiast than a bronzed, muscular Thor Bjornwulf. Nevertheless it catches some girl's eye, clearly.

You need something that makes you stand out I suppose.
>> No. 28026 Anonymous
2nd February 2019
Saturday 7:06 pm
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Out at the pub last night, sitting tight-lipped while everyone else made virgin jokes. I can't blame them, but it definitely fucked up my night.
>> No. 28027 Anonymous
2nd February 2019
Saturday 7:13 pm
28027 spacer
>>28026
>So Richard Branson walks into a bar...
>> No. 28028 Anonymous
2nd February 2019
Saturday 7:18 pm
28028 spacer
>>28009

I'd be imagining when he removed it, his eye would remain all squinty, like Patrick Moore sans monocle.
>> No. 28029 Anonymous
2nd February 2019
Saturday 10:40 pm
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>>28028

Properly fitted loupes (and monocles) rest in the eye socket with no muscular effort. Using a loupe does give you crippling headaches until you get used to it - you need to keep both eyes open and just let the other eye go slack.

The really weird item is the finger cot, which looks like a tiny condom. They're ideal for very delicate work, but they look like something out of a serial killer's lair.
>> No. 28052 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 12:51 am
28052 spacer
So, turns out in a beveraged state the other night I bought tinder gold. Of the 7 likes I had, 5 were bots all located 1583 (exactly) miles away, one was a "full time mummy whose little boy means the world to me", leaving one other.

One person in a city of 3 million, and they haven't even responded to me.

Haven't felt this low in a while. Maybe I'm just a proper fucking uggo - I *think* I look average, but evidently not.

Uni is also having a "sex week" coming up, so there will be that to remind me everywhere too.
>> No. 28053 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 6:47 am
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>>28052
How's your social life? I'm fairly sure your hopes are slim to nil if you don't have any pictures of yourself outside the house, ideally in social situations, so that women know you're a normal human bean.
>> No. 28054 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 6:47 am
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>>28052
Try Bumble?
>> No. 28055 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 11:15 am
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>>28053
>>28000
>My Tinder profile has:
>1. Me on a mountain (so they can identify me)
>2. Me in the pub with a couple of m8s
>3. Me with my parents' dog
>4. Me with some m8s on a night out

I went to three different society events last week (one of which I run), and went out twice.


>>28054
Pic related.
>> No. 28060 Anonymous
6th February 2019
Wednesday 4:19 pm
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>>28054

(Not OP) Bumble was an utter non starter for me, I literally didn't get a single match all the time I used it and ended up giving up on it. Tinder is a bit of disgrace, but the fact that you can wade in and have a go rather than wait for that one in a zillion woman who's going to message you first at least gives you some kind of competitive edge.
>> No. 28266 Anonymous
27th March 2019
Wednesday 3:46 pm
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Well, here we are. The uni year is basically done, what with dissertations and coursework and that, and then leading into exams in a month or two.

I've certainly been rejected a lot more this year than before, by virtue of trying. But if I can't manage it in a place where it's apparently the easiest to have relationships or get laid, how the fuck am I going to manage in the real world?

Should I just go get chemically castrated? I feel like it would solve a lot of problems.

[x] whinge
>> No. 28267 Anonymous
27th March 2019
Wednesday 4:08 pm
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>>28266
>But if I can't manage it in a place where it's apparently the easiest to have relationships or get laid, how the fuck am I going to manage in the real world?
>> No. 28525 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 11:04 pm
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I know nobody wants to hear it, and yes I know I'm just a pathetic cunt, but fuck it I need to vent it somewhere.

It's the end of uni now, so that's it. Game over. At this point, I'm a Fully Grown Adult™, I have no more excuses, and the time for discovery and development is gone. I made the in the week thread about being around poly people - everyone is talking about sex and relationships so much recently; I have to try and just let it go, but it's difficult, it really is. It's the most important thing in most people around me's lives (and why wouldn't it be, we're hard-wired to want it, and with them being poly it's just an even more normalised part of their [and also mine, to a degree] friend group), but it feels like I'm a gondola without the contentment. Destined to watch, never to experience. I don't know what else to do. I've approached girls, made it obvious. I've been on Tinder every day, and while I get more matches now than I used to, I've not actually managed to meet anyone.

People make virgin jokes all the time. Most people don't know, but it doesn't stop the ones that do from doing it. Again, I have to let it go, but it hurts. I suppose once I get a Real Job™ I'll be able to afford therapy. Or a trip to Dignitas.
>> No. 28527 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 11:17 pm
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>>28525

Let me tell you how it's going to pan out for you.

Now that you're out of uni, you're going to start learning. Proper learning, about real life, not the little bubble of weird, distorted hyper-individualist student sub-culture you've been a part of up until now. You'll meet birds, they'll be burnt out on all the tryhard "alpha males" out there, and they'll want a nice normal bloke like you. You'll pretend not to be a virgin for the sake of simply avoiding the awkwardness it involves, you'll get your end away, and your outlook on the world will transform.

Your poly mates will have a harder time adjusting. Their life will change for the worse as they realise the Real World brings with it stresses and complications they hadn't accounted for in their utopian vision of free love and gluten free vegan pop up cereal raves. They'll find it hard to carry on their lifestyle when they start wanting to settle down with a mortgage and think about starting a family. You'll have surpassed them at this point. You'll watch them make a terrible mess of things as they try time and again to force a square peg into a round hole, and lose grip on who and what they thought they were in the process.

You see yourself as living in their shadow now, but you are young, and so are they. In summary:

>At this point, I'm a Fully Grown Adult™, I have no more excuses, and the time for discovery and development is gone.

You are demonstrably, objectively, utterly incorrect about this. You're a bloody daft little cunt and you've still got a lot of growing left to do.
>> No. 28528 Anonymous
22nd May 2019
Wednesday 11:18 pm
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>>28525
>I suppose once I get a Real Job™ I'll be able to afford therapy. Or a trip to Dignitas.

Or Slimming World membership.
>> No. 28530 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 6:57 am
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>>28529

No, the meme (and genuine truth) is that it's easy to pick up women at slimming world.
>> No. 28531 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:02 am
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>>28530

Oh sorry. I deleted my post too because it occurred to me I shouldn't call my BMI "average" if the average adult is overweight. This is what I was about to repost:

>>28267
>>28528

/emo/ is the place to force a shitty meme calling everyone fat? (My BMI's right in the middle of the healthy range in case you're wondering.)
>> No. 28532 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:14 am
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>> No. 28533 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:18 am
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>>28531
Find the thread in the catalogue. Slimming World is genuinely one of the prime places for meeting women once you've reached the age where your social opportunities dwindle.
>> No. 28534 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:39 am
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>>28533
Fat women, surely?
>> No. 28535 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:42 am
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>>28534

We cover this in the thread.
>> No. 28536 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:43 am
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>>28534
Plenty of women who aren't fat go to slimming clubs. Find the thread and be enlightened.
>> No. 28537 Anonymous
23rd May 2019
Thursday 7:45 am
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>>28536

http://britfa.gs/b/res/424490+50.html

For reference.
>> No. 28759 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 2:45 pm
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I won't go into it because frankly no-one gives a shit but all I will say is that my thoughts and feelings have been taking a darker path, and it's becoming a struggle to stay off it.

The good news, I suppose, is that now I'm a Real Adult about to start a Real Job™, I'll have money for private therapy - I don't want to trouble the already completely overloaded NHS with this shit.

Can anyone recommend any private counselling/therapy services in the north west?

Thanks, lads.
>> No. 28760 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 7:47 pm
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>>28759
I don't know if this'll help as it's not specifically north west but maybe someone else will use it. I've been recommended to a website called BetterHelp by a good friend, apparently it's helped them a lot. You have the option of just chatting online/through the app to a therapist, or scheduling calls or video calls too. As far as I'm aware there's no meeting in person, but it sounds good for people who can't get out to see someone or are perhaps shy and such. Going to give it a try soon myself soon so perhaps I'll post again after actually trying it out, but someone else might benefit from knowing it exists at least.
>> No. 28761 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 9:15 pm
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>>28759

The Real Job™ might be the best therapy if a) you can muster some eagerness and measured banter with your colleagues, and b) your workplace is welcoming enough to see beyond any personal struggles that you may choose to present briefly and positively (consider the S.T.A.R. method of competence-based interviews, and basically just talk about yourself using that template if asked).

People will be more receptive to a quiet person who appears to be looking forward while struggling, than one who looks backwards while moaning.

I recently became an NHSlad myself, after being dolescum for 15 years. Getting a wage and working with other mad bastards has been the best treatment for chronic depression, and it's cost me fuck-all, cumulatively.
>> No. 28762 Anonymous
18th July 2019
Thursday 9:47 pm
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>>28761
The last job I worked full-time (during a placement year) was a horrible toxic environment full of bullying and 'banter' (you know the kind); I left that place worse than when I went there - the only thing I really learned was how to keep a solid façade. I hope that as my new job isn't in heavy industry in a working-class area, that the people will be better. Still, I'd rather get this sorted sooner rather than later and think that even just a few sessions might set me right, or at least on the right path.

>>28760
Thanks for the recommendation. I think personally I'd rather talk to someone face-to-face, but if someone else finds it useful then that's good.
>> No. 28765 Anonymous
19th July 2019
Friday 1:46 pm
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>>28761

>I recently became an NHSlad myself, after being dolescum for 15 years. Getting a wage and working with other mad bastards has been the best treatment for chronic depression, and it's cost me fuck-all, cumulatively.

I'm pretty sure there are departments in the NHS where that's their main hiring criteria. There don't seem to be many people I'd call "normal" at my place.

>I hope that as my new job isn't in heavy industry in a working-class area

Horses for courses I think. I have never been able to stand your average office type environment with fake pleasantries and behind the back gossip. The kind of place you'd describe as rife with bullying and banter is probably where I'd feel more at home; I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.
>> No. 28769 Anonymous
20th July 2019
Saturday 12:56 am
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>>28765
>I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.

While true at this particular place you wouldn't get the sack, tell it to the wrong people and your time there would suddenly become a lot harder. I'm not one for formalities myself, but there needs to be a clear line. In my office, five people were from the sake intake of apprentices back in the 1980s - they all went to school together, and from there have all worked together since, and have such have each other's back. Two of those people were ostensibly my boss (and my boss's boss), but I found out VERY quickly that raising a grievance with one of their cabal was not a wise move.

All I'd say is be careful what you wish for.

Getting off topic here; I'll probably head to Manchester and pick the best one. I just wish I could switch it all off, tbh.

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