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|>>|| No. 27047
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.
The only problem - where to meet women?
I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.
What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.
Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.
|>>|| No. 28005
>Looking into the distance with the cities and sea behind me.
That's never been done before.
|>>|| No. 28007
When it comes to photos I've found your main one wants to be like, out in a pub or something. One important subtlety is that the photos need to be noticeably taken by someone else, not selfies. Little things that show you're not a loner wierdo (even if you are).
Bizarrely my main pic during my most successful period for matches was a photo where I had my arm round a really fit lass from work, both of us holding drinks up. Read into that what you will.
|>>|| No. 28008
None of the photos on my profile were taken by me. I'll swap it to the pub one.
|>>|| No. 28009
Conversely, my most successful photo looks like this. Having asked a few women about their experiences with online dating, most of them have mentioned the sheer boredom of scrolling through identikit profiles. The general theme seems to be "If I have to have one more conversation with someone who only talks about his last holiday and his boring bloody job, I'm going to kill someone". Anyone who speaks to me will very quickly figure out that I'm bookish and a bit old-fashioned, so I reckon it makes sense to play to my strengths. I'm sure that this approach puts a lot of people off, but the people who do get in touch with me tend to be genuinely curious about my profile and the conversation between us has a running start.
|>>|| No. 28010
Similarly I'm sure a great amount of my success only happens to be with the sort of lass who likes a lad with long hair and a beard. "the viking boyfriend" supposedly, only I'm more a pasty LARP enthusiast than a bronzed, muscular Thor Bjornwulf. Nevertheless it catches some girl's eye, clearly.
You need something that makes you stand out I suppose.
|>>|| No. 28026
Out at the pub last night, sitting tight-lipped while everyone else made virgin jokes. I can't blame them, but it definitely fucked up my night.
|>>|| No. 28028
I'd be imagining when he removed it, his eye would remain all squinty, like Patrick Moore sans monocle.
|>>|| No. 28029
Properly fitted loupes (and monocles) rest in the eye socket with no muscular effort. Using a loupe does give you crippling headaches until you get used to it - you need to keep both eyes open and just let the other eye go slack.
The really weird item is the finger cot, which looks like a tiny condom. They're ideal for very delicate work, but they look like something out of a serial killer's lair.
|>>|| No. 28052
So, turns out in a beveraged state the other night I bought tinder gold. Of the 7 likes I had, 5 were bots all located 1583 (exactly) miles away, one was a "full time mummy whose little boy means the world to me", leaving one other.
One person in a city of 3 million, and they haven't even responded to me.
Haven't felt this low in a while. Maybe I'm just a proper fucking uggo - I *think* I look average, but evidently not.
Uni is also having a "sex week" coming up, so there will be that to remind me everywhere too.
|>>|| No. 28053
How's your social life? I'm fairly sure your hopes are slim to nil if you don't have any pictures of yourself outside the house, ideally in social situations, so that women know you're a normal human bean.
|>>|| No. 28055
>My Tinder profile has:
>1. Me on a mountain (so they can identify me)
>2. Me in the pub with a couple of m8s
>3. Me with my parents' dog
>4. Me with some m8s on a night out
I went to three different society events last week (one of which I run), and went out twice.
|>>|| No. 28060
(Not OP) Bumble was an utter non starter for me, I literally didn't get a single match all the time I used it and ended up giving up on it. Tinder is a bit of disgrace, but the fact that you can wade in and have a go rather than wait for that one in a zillion woman who's going to message you first at least gives you some kind of competitive edge.
|>>|| No. 28266
Well, here we are. The uni year is basically done, what with dissertations and coursework and that, and then leading into exams in a month or two.
I've certainly been rejected a lot more this year than before, by virtue of trying. But if I can't manage it in a place where it's apparently the easiest to have relationships or get laid, how the fuck am I going to manage in the real world?
Should I just go get chemically castrated? I feel like it would solve a lot of problems.
|>>|| No. 28267
>But if I can't manage it in a place where it's apparently the easiest to have relationships or get laid, how the fuck am I going to manage in the real world?
|>>|| No. 28525
I know nobody wants to hear it, and yes I know I'm just a pathetic cunt, but fuck it I need to vent it somewhere.
It's the end of uni now, so that's it. Game over. At this point, I'm a Fully Grown Adult™, I have no more excuses, and the time for discovery and development is gone. I made the in the week thread about being around poly people - everyone is talking about sex and relationships so much recently; I have to try and just let it go, but it's difficult, it really is. It's the most important thing in most people around me's lives (and why wouldn't it be, we're hard-wired to want it, and with them being poly it's just an even more normalised part of their [and also mine, to a degree] friend group), but it feels like I'm a gondola without the contentment. Destined to watch, never to experience. I don't know what else to do. I've approached girls, made it obvious. I've been on Tinder every day, and while I get more matches now than I used to, I've not actually managed to meet anyone.
People make virgin jokes all the time. Most people don't know, but it doesn't stop the ones that do from doing it. Again, I have to let it go, but it hurts. I suppose once I get a Real Job™ I'll be able to afford therapy. Or a trip to Dignitas.
|>>|| No. 28527
Let me tell you how it's going to pan out for you.
Now that you're out of uni, you're going to start learning. Proper learning, about real life, not the little bubble of weird, distorted hyper-individualist student sub-culture you've been a part of up until now. You'll meet birds, they'll be burnt out on all the tryhard "alpha males" out there, and they'll want a nice normal bloke like you. You'll pretend not to be a virgin for the sake of simply avoiding the awkwardness it involves, you'll get your end away, and your outlook on the world will transform.
Your poly mates will have a harder time adjusting. Their life will change for the worse as they realise the Real World brings with it stresses and complications they hadn't accounted for in their utopian vision of free love and gluten free vegan pop up cereal raves. They'll find it hard to carry on their lifestyle when they start wanting to settle down with a mortgage and think about starting a family. You'll have surpassed them at this point. You'll watch them make a terrible mess of things as they try time and again to force a square peg into a round hole, and lose grip on who and what they thought they were in the process.
You see yourself as living in their shadow now, but you are young, and so are they. In summary:
>At this point, I'm a Fully Grown Adult™, I have no more excuses, and the time for discovery and development is gone.
You are demonstrably, objectively, utterly incorrect about this. You're a bloody daft little cunt and you've still got a lot of growing left to do.
|>>|| No. 28528
>I suppose once I get a Real Job™ I'll be able to afford therapy. Or a trip to Dignitas.
Or Slimming World membership.
|>>|| No. 28530
No, the meme (and genuine truth) is that it's easy to pick up women at slimming world.
|>>|| No. 28531
Oh sorry. I deleted my post too because it occurred to me I shouldn't call my BMI "average" if the average adult is overweight. This is what I was about to repost:
/emo/ is the place to force a shitty meme calling everyone fat? (My BMI's right in the middle of the healthy range in case you're wondering.)
|>>|| No. 28533
Find the thread in the catalogue. Slimming World is genuinely one of the prime places for meeting women once you've reached the age where your social opportunities dwindle.
|>>|| No. 28536
Plenty of women who aren't fat go to slimming clubs. Find the thread and be enlightened.
|>>|| No. 28759
I won't go into it because frankly no-one gives a shit but all I will say is that my thoughts and feelings have been taking a darker path, and it's becoming a struggle to stay off it.
The good news, I suppose, is that now I'm a Real Adult about to start a Real Job™, I'll have money for private therapy - I don't want to trouble the already completely overloaded NHS with this shit.
Can anyone recommend any private counselling/therapy services in the north west?
|>>|| No. 28760
I don't know if this'll help as it's not specifically north west but maybe someone else will use it. I've been recommended to a website called BetterHelp by a good friend, apparently it's helped them a lot. You have the option of just chatting online/through the app to a therapist, or scheduling calls or video calls too. As far as I'm aware there's no meeting in person, but it sounds good for people who can't get out to see someone or are perhaps shy and such. Going to give it a try soon myself soon so perhaps I'll post again after actually trying it out, but someone else might benefit from knowing it exists at least.
|>>|| No. 28761
The Real Job™ might be the best therapy if a) you can muster some eagerness and measured banter with your colleagues, and b) your workplace is welcoming enough to see beyond any personal struggles that you may choose to present briefly and positively (consider the S.T.A.R. method of competence-based interviews, and basically just talk about yourself using that template if asked).
People will be more receptive to a quiet person who appears to be looking forward while struggling, than one who looks backwards while moaning.
I recently became an NHSlad myself, after being dolescum for 15 years. Getting a wage and working with other mad bastards has been the best treatment for chronic depression, and it's cost me fuck-all, cumulatively.
|>>|| No. 28762
The last job I worked full-time (during a placement year) was a horrible toxic environment full of bullying and 'banter' (you know the kind); I left that place worse than when I went there - the only thing I really learned was how to keep a solid façade. I hope that as my new job isn't in heavy industry in a working-class area, that the people will be better. Still, I'd rather get this sorted sooner rather than later and think that even just a few sessions might set me right, or at least on the right path.
Thanks for the recommendation. I think personally I'd rather talk to someone face-to-face, but if someone else finds it useful then that's good.
|>>|| No. 28765
>I recently became an NHSlad myself, after being dolescum for 15 years. Getting a wage and working with other mad bastards has been the best treatment for chronic depression, and it's cost me fuck-all, cumulatively.
I'm pretty sure there are departments in the NHS where that's their main hiring criteria. There don't seem to be many people I'd call "normal" at my place.
>I hope that as my new job isn't in heavy industry in a working-class area
Horses for courses I think. I have never been able to stand your average office type environment with fake pleasantries and behind the back gossip. The kind of place you'd describe as rife with bullying and banter is probably where I'd feel more at home; I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.
|>>|| No. 28769
>I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.
While true at this particular place you wouldn't get the sack, tell it to the wrong people and your time there would suddenly become a lot harder. I'm not one for formalities myself, but there needs to be a clear line. In my office, five people were from the sake intake of apprentices back in the 1980s - they all went to school together, and from there have all worked together since, and have such have each other's back. Two of those people were ostensibly my boss (and my boss's boss), but I found out VERY quickly that raising a grievance with one of their cabal was not a wise move.
All I'd say is be careful what you wish for.
Getting off topic here; I'll probably head to Manchester and pick the best one. I just wish I could switch it all off, tbh.
|>>|| No. 29049
Another year wasted. I feel like in many respects this year I have regressed, despite my best efforts not to do so.
25 now. Should I just give up and chop 'em off?
|>>|| No. 29050
>Horses for courses I think. I have never been able to stand your average office type environment with fake pleasantries and behind the back gossip. The kind of place you'd describe as rife with bullying and banter is probably where I'd feel more at home; I feel much better if I can just tell someone to fuck off to their face and not get the sack for it.
I think this doesn't depend at all on your physical workplace or even the verbal abuse but dynamics of the team. The team I work with are golden but on the opposite end of the office I found out today that middle managers have created a toxic working environment with people in tears.
Don't worry heads will roll for this.
Who cares? You're 25 not 40, fucking up is all part of growing resilience and a pair of bollocks.
|>>|| No. 29057
How does one handle the physical and mental maladies of lovesickness?
I've fallen quite hard for a girl. She wants to take it slow, though we recently spent a day/night together.
Almost immediately after we said our goodbyes (she lives in another city) I've felt emotionally flayed - I can't stop crying or feeling nauseated or vomiting. I can't eat or sleep or keep my concentration on anything. It's been so long that I'd forgotten how badly it can affect you and, at this point in my life, I have few very friends or relatives to confide in.
Rationally it makes no sense to go completely loony over a girl - it only serves to jeopardise an otherwise healthy relationship by not being your usual self. Problem is, I am unable to control or subdue these emotions and I suspect it may be due to some abandonment issues surfacing.
Is this something worth looking into therapy/counselling for? Do I just need a mate to tell me things are gonna be alright?
Sorry for the rant, lads. I just don't want to feel like this anymore.
|>>|| No. 29058
Spend time with friends. Go on other dates. You may not meet anybody as special as this girl, but you'll be less emotionally dependent on her, and more likely to make a success of the relationship as a result.
|>>|| No. 29059
I've stopped regularly going to the gym. I've started drinking more. I've found myself once again becoming someone who does not always respect the unspoken rules of society; it seems like a skill that must be constantly and willingly applied or else it will be quickly lost.
In terms of the closeness to which I think I might be to actually entering into a relationship with someone, I feel like I've gone from distant with a potentially fleeting chance, to so distant it's essentially nil. There have been many chances where I could have got off my arse and done something but I... didn't. I knew the destructiveness of my (in)actions but went ahead anyway. I'm trying to bring it back but it's like the Getting Over It game.
You're right, I am a pathetic cunt. I have no idea what do about it though.
|>>|| No. 29060
> it's like the Getting Over It game.
So all your problems can be solved with just two to three hours of perseverance?
|>>|| No. 29061
Thanks for the advice. I'm young and stupid, have allowed friendships to fall by the wayside and developed a pretty heavy dependence on cannabis (which has inadvertently turned me into a recluse).
I've mulled it over and decided to kick the weed and try to reignite those friendships. Of course, easier said than done but I know it's ultimately the right thing to do.
|>>|| No. 29062
After starting out with possibly the best new year's eve I've ever had, 2019 was definitely a terrible fucking year for me - almost from beginning to end. Even though it's slowly starting to look up, as I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30, I really, really need to make sure pull out of this funk and turn things around in 2020 or I really am going to be fucked.
|>>|| No. 29063
I'm back on the dating sites after a break of many months.
OkCupid doesn't work for me, I get very few matches there. I don't know if they're expecting a really well written bio. I did notice a lot of the same faces from the last time I was there, that feels like a bad sign. The UX is also terrible.
I get some matches on the swiperino apps, but most of them aren't interested enough to have an actual conversation .It should be a bit soul crushing, but I stopped caring quickly. I get more hits on Tinder than on Bumble, but I've only ever met up with women from Bumble. I find them quite addictive, and I doubt that the constant wash of rejection is psychologically healthy. I'm considering paying for one of the boost options, just to see how effective they are.
I've been trying Hinge. I'm having better luck there than on the others. I recommend it to any newlads who aren't having much luck on Tinder.
|>>|| No. 29064
>I find them quite addictive
Yep, so do lots of people, including lassies. Part of their business strategy is to subtly encourage time wasters who are basically just there for attention- They'd kill their own business if everyone found a match straight away.
From your perspective you really need to learn to identify those ones. After a while it's not difficult; what is difficult is the willpower nit to waste your time trying to chat them up because you don't have many other matches to work with. The fact you're starting to feel nonplussed and indifferent is a great asset here.
The golden rule still holds true. It's a numbers game- When you find one you click with, you KNOW you click, and it's usually just entirely by accident that you strike up a conversation as if you've known each other for years right at the start. Don't waste your time with those pointless back and forth where you know they're not putting in their fair share of the effort.
Also just gonna come out and say it- Birds are fucking shit at online dating too. They're used to getting all the attention hounded by dozens of men so they rarely put in the effort that's required to find and meet someone they would actually connect with. This self sabotage leads to a vicious cycle. Keep ot in mind when you're dealing with them.
|>>|| No. 29065
>Also just gonna come out and say it- Birds are fucking shit at online dating too.
I think this is a lesson that men need to learn, quickly, when they enter the world of dating. Women have just as many problems with the dating scene as men do (both online and offline)- for sure they get more attention off the bat, but not the kind of attention you or I would relish. You need female friends (real ones) to learn and see this first-hand.
Also, when in the online dating scene - you need to know that you're frequently working with a group of people. I'm old and married, which is why the first twenty minutes of meeting with a single, female friend who is online dating, is often spent with me filtering their latest matches (and contributing to how they reply).
I would totally agree that a) its a numbers game and b) don't waste time trying to force it; if someone is an effort to talk to online, they'll most likely be ten times that in real life. Focus on the people you click with, it's obvious when it happens.
|>>|| No. 29066
Hinge seems more serious from what I've seen. I'll give it a go, but I feel my lack of experience will cripple me.
|>>|| No. 29441
Jesus Christ. Every time a date seems to have gone well I get some variation on "I've actually just realised I'm not in a good place for dating!". It's like a miniature emotional roller coaster every time.
I've been at it for months now. It's a colossal waste of time. I'm becoming bitter.
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