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>> No. 27047 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:03 pm
27047 Where to meet birds
So, I've decided to try and not be that guy, a relationship-less virgin, into my mid-20s, which doesn't leave me with very long. I'm home from uni for the summer and have decided it's time to sort my act out.

The only problem - where to meet women?

I've completed tinder in a 15 mile radius, likewise for Bumble - zero (0) matches. I've messaged pretty much every girl on OKCupid with a match >75%; not one has replied.

What can I do now? The few local schoolfriends I am still in contact with are all male, everyone at my job is male, and all the women I talk to (from uni) are either in a relationship or otherwise not an option.

Going out to clubs doesn't work because a) I don't have anyone to go with, and b) when I try and do anything but stand at the bar drinking in a club (ie dance) I look like a tortoise trying to pilot a motorcycle.

Any ideas?
Expand all images.
>> No. 27048 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 2:30 pm
27048 spacer
Get your friends to set you up with someone. If you have limited experience with women, then it's a good option. Be honest with them about being fed up you don't have a girlfriend to share things with, going to the cinema alone is shite, etc, but don't necessarily be open about being a Virgin unless they already know.

If you do get set up with someone, when they ask you what you study and want to do be passionate about it. It's attractive, if you don't waffle off on a tangent she can't understand. Say because you've focused on your studies you haven't had much time for a GF until now, but you're hoping to meet someone nice. The nuance of flirting is hard to describe, but she might look for validation after that statement. Something like "Have you been on a lot of dates recently, then?" or similar and you should reply "Would you be jealous if I said I had?" And smile and try and maintain eye contact in a way that seems natural. Closed mouth smiling, assuming you aren't laughing, is suitable for this interaction. After this exchange, say "Ah, a couple but they never went anywhere."

Also, the match metrics on OKC are bollocks. Try messaging people who have a profile you like. Opening gambits are a hit and miss, I don't have too much experience with them having done most of my flirting face to face.
>> No. 27049 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 3:33 pm
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>the match metrics on OKC are bollocks
Higher match percentages mean simply that they agree with you on more things. I haven't used OkC in a long time but when I did I found I was matching with cool progressive people and not matching with reality TV-watching dullards.

This is not to say to the OP that if you have a low percentage with someone don't go for it if you think their profile is good.
>> No. 27050 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 8:28 pm
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OP, you are more or less fucked. Unless you are rich or very good looking playing the Internet dating is a waste of time. Try to make a female profile on the sites and you will know why.

Your best bet would be finding an activity or hobby and meet people in that environment. Depends on your preferences it could be a church, a volunteer group, a charity and so on. You need a place where people meet in RL, since very few men can play the internet dating game. Try the Meetups in your area and find an activity you are at least marginally interested in.

In the name of Jesus, do not start approaching girls immediately. Nobody likes THAT GUY. Nobody.
>> No. 27051 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 8:43 pm
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>Unless you are rich or very good looking playing the Internet dating

Don't be a knob. I'm neither rich or good looking and I've done great on tinder.
>> No. 27052 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 8:51 pm
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Going for a drink with one this weekend, I'll ask and report back.

I've found that, like >>27049 says, many people below about 70% either have nothing or very little on their profile or are just not the sort of person I have anything in common with.

I'm not a PUA and I know that just approaching girls is a good way to get slapped with an assault charge. I've tried the local photography club but it's all sneering old men from what I've found. I'll have to look into other activities.

I think I'm probably considerably below average, hence my lack of luck. I'm not deformed or anything, just a bit of an uggo.
>> No. 27053 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 9:02 pm
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>> No. 27054 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 9:08 pm
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Don't spread this negative bullshit here, not on /emo/.

Look around you. Most blokes don't look like him (I certainly don't) yet manage to get fanny.
>> No. 27055 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 9:27 pm
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Shagging a 43 years old obese alcoholic single mother on benefits for a bottle of Bulmers and a pack of cigs does not count as "getting fanny". At least, unless you are an unemployed obese alcoholic on benefits. All decent women have overly inflated standards due to the sexual availability caused by dating sites.

(A good day to you Sir!)
>> No. 27056 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 9:45 pm
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Oh, it's you again.
>> No. 27057 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 9:53 pm
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Out of interest why did you ban him? Was it the whiney post or the incel-tier picture he went with?
>> No. 27058 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 9:58 pm
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Bit of both, and also telling someone they can't pull anyone unless they're an adonis. That's obviously untrue and particularly damaging in an /emo/ thread, and just obnoxious anywhere else.

I'm also 106% sure it's the same bloke who told the autistic lad he smelled like a corpse, and he got banned in that thread, so also ban evasion.

Anyway, OP, please disregard him, he's wrong, you do need to find your unique selling point, mind. Usually it's as simple as having something you can be genuinely passionate about without sounding boring. It's easier than you think once you get the hang of it.
>> No. 27059 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 10:28 pm
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Amazing as it might seem to incellad, women are human beings. Some of them are obsessed with looks, status and money. Some of them are bookish types who get a wide-on for David Mitchell. Some of them smell of patchouli and go to psytrance raves and dream about living in a yurt. Some of them love trains. Some of them are lonely and desperate.

For historical and cultural reasons, men have to do the chasing, which is a bit unfortunate if you're shy and awkward. With that said, it's not rocket science and it's not an ordeal. Go to places, do things, talk to people. Some of those people will be women, some of those women might entertain the idea of going to the pub with you. In the process of going to places and doing things and talking to people, you'll make yourself more interesting and more confident, both of which are very attractive traits. I'm probably sounding like your dad, but you've got to put yourself out there. If you don't ask, you don't get.
>> No. 27060 Anonymous
12th July 2018
Thursday 10:45 pm
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Also, if you're ever feeling down about yourself, just remember that a group of professional marketers thought that this was a good idea:

>> No. 27061 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 11:00 am
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I'm 25 and never been in a relationship. Not really surprising considering I don't talk to anyone though. Been utterly lonely sincr the end of university.

Its shite lad, go do a phd.
>> No. 27062 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 11:52 am
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What the fuck was that?

I'm already going back for my Master's (because I get student finance and wouldn't otherwise), but at the same time a PhD is 3 more years after that I don't want to be almost 30 when I leave uni with nothing to my name.
>> No. 27063 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 12:59 pm
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The everything about the camera work makes it feel like I'm watching this from the perspective of someone tied to a chair.
>> No. 27064 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 1:43 pm
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That was part of Microsoft's launch campaign for Windows 7. They encouraged people to host a launch party and gave away "party packs" with Windows 7 themed decorations.

It's like the whole campaign was planned by an alien who had never encountered a human being.

>> No. 27065 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 3:19 pm
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Oh, shit, yeah. I remember now - they did it again for Windows 8 and gave away merch and licence keys to 'hosts'.

Dove (dived?) a bit deeper into OKCupid and one lass on there put that she didn't know how to tell the time from analogue clock. We're the same age and I distinctly remember being taught it in school, but even if you weren't they are fucking everywhere, how can you not know that?
>> No. 27066 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 3:25 pm
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I remember learning it at home but not at school. I had one of them watches that spells it out for you. It came with a chart that I remember having on my wall, too. I'm sure it probably is something taught at school too, but I don't recall.

That's a very odd thing to put on your dating profile, mind, was it in response to one of those 'tell us something embarrassing about yourself' type questions?
>> No. 27067 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 4:36 pm
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> one lass on there put that she didn't know how to tell the time from analogue clock. We're the same age and I distinctly remember being taught it in school, but even if you weren't they are fucking everywhere, how can you not know that?

In my experience it's a sadly widespread and global phenomenon, even for people of my age. For the "people born close to or after 2000" generation I imagine that many haven't seen an analogue clock in their lives except Big Ben and maybe at their grandma's house.
>> No. 27072 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:13 pm
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How? I was born in 1994 and there have been analogue clocks in pretty much every aspect of my life. Every school I've been to has had one in every classroom, train stations, the town hall, doctors' office, 3 rooms in my parents' house, every lecture theatre at university, half the pubs I go in... but I digress.

I'm trying to think of the best way to ask my m9 to set me up with someone - I have a feeling that blurting it out isn't the best way. Any ideas?
>> No. 27073 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:21 pm
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>I was born in 1994

Otherlad did say the 'those born around 2000' generation. I'm sure most of them do know how to read an analog clock, mind, and honestly the more I think about it, the more it seems like any adult that understands a digital clock could logically work out how to read one with no information other than 'this tells the time', but also I'm not THAT surprised some bint on a dating site can't.

I can't do long division or percentages, despite that being covered at school, and I'm quite sure I could relearn and retain that information now, but fuck it, I don't need to, I have the internet.
>> No. 27074 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:23 pm
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>I'm trying to think of the best way to ask my m9 to set me up with someone - I have a feeling that blurting it out isn't the best way. Any ideas?

I mean, if you can't just straight up tell your mate to get you some clunge, what sort of world is this?!

Joking aside though, there's no point being coy with him. Steer the conversation towards women, mention you're on OKC and not having much luck, ask him if he can think of anyone suitable.
>> No. 27075 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:29 pm
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To add, I don't even think I'd want a relationship now, they just seem unnecessarily complicated and stress inducing.

I don't do anything else with my life that said, I just go to work and then burn my time on this earth in my room, i dunno.

how do i restart life
>> No. 27076 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:35 pm
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Start your own thread, lad. I'm sure some otherlads will be able to steer you in the right direction?

>can't do...percentages
How do you mean "can't do"? Percentages are a valuable life skill. Long division, however, is useless in the days of computation, and even without it there are other manual methods.
>> No. 27077 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:43 pm
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Didn't mean to hijack yours lad. Made my own threads before and honestly they just say 'go talk to people lol' more eloquently and I can't even make myself go to the gym.
>> No. 27078 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 8:51 pm
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I don't know/can never remember the calculations required to find a percentage of something, i.e., I very often find myself typing things like "30 is what percentage of 670" and things like that. I know it's just dividing or timesing by a hundred or summat, but I lack the numerical logic to work it out, and for whatever reason have never memorised the method - probably because it's so easy not to.

I work with profit margins and stock percentages daily, too, but never once has there been a scenario where I've needed to work out something away from a computer. I should probably try and remember how to do it on a calculator, mind.
>> No. 27079 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 10:34 pm
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Divide the little number by the big number.

Hey presto.

30/670 = 0.0448, i.e. 4.48%.
>> No. 27080 Anonymous
13th July 2018
Friday 10:45 pm
27080 spacer

I'd be plugging that into google anyways so it's all the same to me.
>> No. 27081 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 1:45 am
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Or, if he is friendly with a mates lass ask her. Women love that shit, it appeals their innate sense for social networking.
>> No. 27082 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 1:49 am
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You divide the whole by the difference between the fraction and the whole, then multiply it by 100.

Most of the time. Sometimes that isn't appropriate. Precentages are fucking easy.
>> No. 27083 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 1:01 pm
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He didn't spend much time thinking before replying "I'm sorry mate, I can't think of anyone" and changing the topic of conversation.

So that's a dead end there, then. I'll have another look round Meetups.
>> No. 27084 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 3:31 pm
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Don't you have any female friends? Does the mate you ask have a GF? He isn't going to go out of his way to try and set you up with someone he could potentially shag.

When it was suggested a mate set you up, the implication on my end at least was that mate would be female. Women don't trust recommendations from guys unless they're gay, either, so even if he was willing it would be hit an miss.

You need a female sponsor, lad. A mates GF or a female friend.
>> No. 27085 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 6:15 pm
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Seconding this. Even a relative would do in a pinch. I have a little cousin (22, "relationship-less virgin") who recently made a point of renewing ties with me and, after a few beers one night, admitted he wanted me to be his "wing-man" or whatever. The moment he told me this I rang my sister, explained the situation tactfully, and just a few weeks later he is hooking up semi-regularly with a friend-of-a-friend of hers and posting photos of them going to museums and stuff on Facebook.
>> No. 27093 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 8:06 pm
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God, it seems like I'm, rejecting everything you lads are saying out of hand, but I'm honestly not trying to.

His lass isn't local and I would just feel really weird asking his lass, or getting him to - she barely knows me and vice versa.

My course is overwhelmingly male, and although I do know a fair few lasses from extracurricular activities, there aren't many I've become close friends with -- we're friendly enough for the few hours a week we go for a social or meeting or whatever, but to most people I might as well not exist outside of those.
>> No. 27094 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 8:29 pm
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I couldn't imagine doing this.

But that said I'm a completely friendless loner at this point. I'm the one who actually har friends once but then people say 'whatever happened to him' then go to get another drink.
>> No. 27095 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 8:30 pm
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Just wait until your course finishes lad, the world gete a whole lot worse.
>> No. 27096 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 8:46 pm
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That's not helpful.
>> No. 27099 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 9:18 pm
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What's not useful about foreknowledge?
>> No. 27101 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 10:00 pm
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It's cynical shite that appeals to your confirmation bias and has no place on this board.
>> No. 27105 Anonymous
15th July 2018
Sunday 11:04 pm
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Don't lie to yourself. /emo/ isn't some fucking sanctuary for delusion.
>> No. 27106 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 12:08 am
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Gonna sound silly but don't hold women on a pedestal, they are as nervous as you.
>> No. 27107 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 12:44 am
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It's no place for embittered arseholes giving shit advice, either. Go be melancholy somewhere else.
>> No. 27119 Anonymous
16th July 2018
Monday 12:28 pm
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Surely we can do better than advice from the idiot characters in The 40 Year Old Virgin.
>> No. 27134 Anonymous
18th July 2018
Wednesday 11:18 am
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What prompted you to say this? Not trying to be a cunt about it, but just wondered if anything I said made you think I do.
>> No. 27137 Anonymous
19th July 2018
Thursday 1:26 am
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>>27134 It was just something someone said to me once and it stuck. Didn't know it was from a film.
>> No. 27144 Anonymous
20th July 2018
Friday 12:32 am
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I'd wager most women aren't as nervous I would be, either way.

Going to try some general meetup groups in the next couple of weeks.
>> No. 27146 Anonymous
20th July 2018
Friday 9:36 am
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Most aren't but plenty of them are.

I recently met up with a lass I'd been texting for a while and she seemed intimidatingly filthy over text, one of those highly experienced and hyper sexual types who was going to really put me through my paces. When it came down to it, though, she was too shy to make eye contact with me and wanted to snuggle up on the sofa more than anything.

Just try put yourself in their shoes. A lot of the averse reaction you get from approaching a woman in public is more of an instinctual defensiveness from years of dickheads going up to them like ERE LUV FANCY A PINT. If you start things off in a friendlier, less blatant "I aim to eventually shag you" kind of way they are much more receptive.

You're on the right track by just going to things, though. If you meet a girl over a hobby or activity you both enjoy it's pretty much the best outcome you could possibly hope for really.
>> No. 27155 Anonymous
22nd July 2018
Sunday 2:14 pm
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The problem I have with the meeting girls over a hobby advice is that I don't really have any hobbies and don't know if the kind of girl who has hobbies would be into me. Unfortunately I feel like it's a very particular kind of person who has hobbies in 2018.
>> No. 27156 Anonymous
22nd July 2018
Sunday 2:33 pm
27156 OP
I mean, as I am one of those particular kinds of people, I suppose it would be natural to seek those out.

This isn't for /emo/ really so I'll keep it to a minimum but I definitely think social media has skewed our perceptions of each other - there'll be plenty of people who collect football cards or restore ships in bottles whatever but would never put that on their Instagram full of pictures in clubs and on the beach.
>> No. 27157 Anonymous
22nd July 2018
Sunday 3:14 pm
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"Hobby" is a very broad term. You could join a running club or go to evening classes at your local college. You could join a vegetarian society or a small business networking group or Britain First. Whatever it is that you might be interested in, there's a group of people who meet up to share that interest. I don't think you'd be terribly interested in a woman who isn't interested in anything.
>> No. 27159 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 1:35 am
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I'm not quite sure how you're supposed to get replies on OKC. I don't just say hey, I always reference something their profile.

Not one. Not one single reply. Maybe I am vomit-inducingly ugly.
>> No. 27160 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 1:58 am
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I don't mean to sound like a cunt but that's rather likely to be the source of your unattractiveness. You're the kind of terminally boring fucker who can't even understand other people having interesting things to do with their time because it's current year.

Get a fucking hobby, jesus. What do you actually do with your time? Do you just come home from work, eat, and fall asleep? Or, as I suspect, do you squander the time shitposting on imageboards and vegetating in front of Youtube?

Being interesting and passionate about something, anything, is such a big factor in making you attractive to women I can't emphasise it enough. Why do you think musicians and artists get so much pussy. Even trainspotters get nerdy anorak girls who are secretly fucking crazy in the sack. Get a fucking hobby.
>> No. 27161 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 2:32 am
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Please stop being so angry.
>> No. 27162 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 10:56 am
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Being angry is his hobby.
>> No. 27163 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 11:29 am
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I am a musician and a writer and am an interesting kind of person and I am not getting any lately as it happens. One of my biggest problems with the Red Pill and incel bullshit is the delusion that everyone else is having sex all the time. Even incorrigible serial shaggers have dry spells, so do girls.
>> No. 27164 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 12:26 pm
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But you've had sex though? That's more than most of these lads.
>> No. 27165 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 3:23 pm
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OKCupid is better played as a joke.

Ask them if they've ever had their arsehole licked by a fat man in a Parka? Tell her your mate fancies her, ask her if she has a loan of a tenner for a score bag. Tell her she looks like she could use a night on the Mad Dog and your local offy sells all the flavours.
>> No. 27166 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 4:37 pm
27166 OP
While I'm not an "incel" (I am by the literal meaning, but we all know what it actually means now) and don't subscribe to their ideology, I've strayed closer to that path than many.

For a lot of them it's not strictly about rates of boning. It's more about the fact that while people do have dry spells, they are just that - spells - and there is an end in sight.

For a lot of these people there is no end in sight, no respite, no light at the end of the tunnel and every single fibre of your being is hardwired to want it. Parrots who are sexually frustrated pluck their feathers, this is the same thing.

Not that there aren't people who are convinced that everyone else is living in a Brave New World and everyone but them is having a bone fest every night, but I don't think many of them think that.

I am not defending the ways many of them express their frustrations or who they choose to blame, though.

I'm sure that'll go down well?
>> No. 27167 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 6:00 pm
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I'm 25 and never had sex or a relationship. It's just something other people do at this point. I'm completely dispassionate about everything and have no reason to continue living other than it's just what I've always done - not that being a virgin or whatever is making me suicidal, it's just another thing that I don't do that most people do, I have no reason for existence, I just continue, endure (though that implies that there's something to endure for).

I don't know how people manage to build themselves into anything after university or what have you. It's so lonely.
>> No. 27168 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 6:05 pm
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Also I chime with the hobbies thing - in that nobody has them. People don't do that sort of shit, they go home, they text someone they somehow know then they eat shit food, watch netflix and fuck and so it goes on, nobody does anything, and if they do they're certainly not there to meet some spastic.
>> No. 27169 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 6:15 pm
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Whom, exactly, are you calling a spastic, lad?
>> No. 27170 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 6:21 pm
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This is why so many people lead unfulfilling, depressed lives. If you truly believe this I honestly don't know what to say to you.

You're literally telling me that nobody goes fishing and has a few cans at the side of the river, it's 2018 after all. Nobody joins a clan and spends excessive amounts of time on games like World of Warcraft or Destiny, that's not a thing. Nobody goes to the gym, who does that? Nobody likes to spend their time preparing new and exotic dishes they've heard about and inviting people round for dinner, that's mental. Nobody runs a Youtube channel where they catalogue old 8-track casettes, who has the time. Nobody takes up painting or learns an instrument, it's just a waste. Nobody plays football or golf or fucking boules, you're off your rocker.

I'm not telling you that hobbies are the ideal place to meet a partner. What I'm telling you is that the reason girls never reply to you on POF and you never get any matches on Tinder is because you're exactly the kind of miserable cunt they're scared of ending up trapped with. Spending the rest of their days talking about work over a pint of lager and a small white wine in the local. Watching the soaps for a bit of escapism.

You're a boring sod. People do have hobbies, you're just too desperately unimaginative to find one of your own.
>> No. 27171 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 6:25 pm
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Hobbies doesn't have to mean something esoteric like enamelling pottery owls. I, for instance, am a fan of specific and quite obscure genres of music. Some people are into books, some are into keeping fit, some are into following sports. And these kinds of interests or hobbies if you like might make it more likely to meet someone who shares similar interests.

A mate of mine met his missus online after they discovered they shared a love for an obscure surrealist painter no-one's heard of.
>> No. 27172 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 7:40 pm
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I am literally autistic and had no non-internet friends, had no hobbies, had no redeeming features, am ugly. I managed to find girls to fuck through Tumblr. If you can pretend to be interested in social justice, you could probably fuck a fat lass through Tumblr too.
>> No. 27173 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 8:14 pm
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I agree with all of that but I didn’t get this irate today. I hope I’m not getting black outs.
>> No. 27174 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 8:19 pm
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Going to make a brutally honest post here, lads. Others are welcome to disagree or call me out if they believe there's any misguided observations.

I've come around to the idea that finding sexual relationships is, like so many things in life, mainly about mundane logistics.

In an ideal world, things would work as one of the other lads have mentioned. You'd fill your life with meaningful activity that causes your path to cross with many like-minded individuals, and in turn you'd find someone and catch eachother's interest, followed by a fulfilling and gradual "getting to know you" montage, before getting into bed together.

This is what I strive for, too, but the world is not ideal. The way the majority of people actually have sex is the same way most things happen in life, by habit. By actually going outside and consistently doing a set of tasks each day that marginally increase the chance you'll nob someone.

Generally, this will involve actually keeping and maintaining a social circle, taking part in the lives of others, meeting friends of friends, then meeting their friends. Often it means a load of hassle and drama and drink and drugs and so on.

Now these approaches aren't mutually exclusive, but as the posts about hobbies have mentioned, a lot of people actually live rather constrained lives. What you find is that many spend their 20s playing relationship bumper cars (or in particularly toxic social groups, destruction derby), having some sex in the meantime -- some good, some bad, with a few dry spells here and there.

I think the wisest approach is to live up to the 'ideal' route with as much integrity as you can (i.e. living a full life and being open to meeting someone that way) while making measured and controllable steps to expand your social activity right now, in the present -- even in non-ideal ways. I urge caution on the second one because it's so easy to get sucked in and, if you're an ambitious person, easily bored/frustrated with personal lives or just quite private, it'll drive you crazy.

Forgive me if it sounds cynical, but it's almost like taking up a non-ideal job as a step toward your dream career. All of us have to negotiate with the present, every day.

Going out to find a partner doesn't mean club-hopping or spamming girls on OKCupid, but it may also take a long time before you ever meet someone even living a great life. My best advice is to find your own personal balance between the two.
>> No. 27176 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 9:01 pm
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>> No. 27177 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 9:35 pm
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I am very boring and unimaginative and have no dedication to anything. This does not affect my girlfriend status however as I don't have any friends or do anything.
>> No. 27178 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 10:12 pm
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That's a long way of saying its a numbers game, ladm7.
>> No. 27179 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 10:23 pm
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Nah it's not just that. Playing a numbers game will "work", but treating that way breeds a self-defeating cynicism and leads to a worse dating culture for everyone.

I think what I was getting at is that a combination of creating a life you enjoy that has opportunities to meet others and practicing a bit of every day socialising probably puts you in the best position to have a good sex/love life.

There's the tl;dr.
>> No. 27180 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 10:37 pm
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Excellent post - it's about building yourself up in tiny ways so that you:

a) increase your chance of coming across people with the potential to form relationships with
b) are in the best position, when 'a' has been achieved, to make a meaningful impact on potential partners each time you come across one

OP you put me in mind of me about 2 years ago, except I'd come out of the only real relationship I'd ever had in my early twenties and had previously had sex with her.

Having said that, it was looking bleak, I hopped on Tinder thinking 'ah no worries' and like you I'd had close to 0 response and worked in an all male environment with absolutely no chance there. You still seem to be in uni, which means it is now easier than it will ever be.

I had a mini panic and just decided that whatever happens I'll put myself in the best position possible for when I do come across girls. This meant increasing my social skills and the way I am as a person just in case that day come where there was a chance, no matter how small. My life is completely different now, girls actively take interest in me, I've got myself a new gf, I've the option to shag others if it comes up and am generally in a better position socially too, having gone from one distant uni friend, to rebuilding lots of friendships everywhere.

The things that helped me, starting with the easiest to fix first because you literally just have to do something (Assuming you do none of these things, but considering you are in this situation I am willing to guess you probably don't):

-Start exercising and going to the fucking gym. Pick some weights up and put them down a few times a week and do some cardio. I always thought because I was a slim guy that did a bit of running I didn't need to and I wasn't really a 'gym person'. The difference between the way people treat you when you start to look a bit more in shape is incredible, it builds your confidence and helps with the other points I'll list below. Women will find you attractive, men will respect you more and in general you'll feel and look better too, not just muscles wise, but skin, posture and other tiny plusses.

-Get a proper fucking haircut. My God, nobody ever said I had a bad haircut, in fact people would say my hair was nice and looked 'good' when I got it cut for a tenner, but when I once went and got a haircut costing a little over £20 people suddenly started to say 'wow you look great man' and 'you should have done that all along' and 'you look like a new man, an actual adult'. You don't have to get something wanky, but have a look at some hairstyles you think look good, take a picture or just do some reading online. I appreciate you're still in uni, get it cut once for every time you normally would or something if the money is a stretch.

-Say yes to every single invite you get socially (with the exception of anything that endangers you or puts you or your career or something else at risk), even if it's a pain in the arse to get to, you don't really fancy it, it's a sausage fest, you feel tired, work is busy that day. No excuses, just go. It gets you into the habit of going to things you don't want to, most of the time you won't enjoy it, once in a while you will. Most of the time you won't have any girls to speak to, once in a while one will be there and you will. This helps you build a solid network (friendship is about repeated, consistent interaction with like minded people) and also slowly builds up your social skills.

-Start inviting people out. You just said you have a few local school friends you are in contact with but then said you don't have anybody to go out with. Ask people for a pint, or if they fancy going into town, the worst that happens is they say no and you're in the exact same situation now. Most of the time they will probably say 'can't this weekend, but keep me in mind next time', it only takes one to click.

-Join some fucking societies mate, turn up at boxing society, chess society, any fucking society at your uni, pick two or three and join them and routinely go, I guarantee they'll have socials where they go out, where you can meet people and the like.

-Take care of yourself in other ways. Eat healthy, ditch the fizzy drinks or the excessive beer. Drink lots of water. Start moisturising daily. Use a face wash, exfoliate, these little things that will make a big difference to how you look over a small period of a few weeks/months.

-Get a hobby. Learn a language, do gardening for old people in the local area, cycle places, run, swim, go hill walking. Do something that when people ask what you do at the weekend you can occasionally drop in 'oh I'm out doing this' rather than 'not much', there's nothing worse than that boring line to have nothing to talk about.

-Stop focusing on getting the woman and focus on yourself. It's so cliche but it's true, I was doing all this and asked myself what the point was when it'd been over a year and no woman with a remote chance of a relationship had entered my life, then like busses, two came at once, but the difference was I was actually kind of interesting and looked reasonable rather than be in the position I was. They came out of nowhere that I could have seen either.

>>27179 has annoyingly summarised it all easily instead of my long ramble before I got to the end, but he's absolutely right.

Hope it helps somewhat OP, it might not, but eventually after seeing something similar somebody once wrote when I was in your shoes it just clicked for me and I'm sure it will for you too. It's when you focus on improving yourself the rest somehow magically follows.

Good luck mate.
>> No. 27182 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 11:45 pm
27182 OP
Thanks for the reply.

>the way people treat you when you start to look a bit more in shape is incredible
Can confirm, used to be a morbidly obese fatlad. Down to normal person proportions now, but still have a way to go to be fit.

>Get a proper fucking haircut.
Also agreed. I used to go to the cheapest locally but now I made a point of driving back to my uni city to get a haircut there because all the local ones at home are shite.

>Say yes to every single invite you get socially
I do that; over summer they are very few and far between.

>Start inviting people out.
I have no one to go out with because the times that the few local friends are about are very limited. Last weekend they were, and I think possibly we're having a quiet one midweek, but it's just that one singular group that I know at home. I have some general social stuff I found on Meetup in the pipeline, but I need to find out my work schedule before I can commit to going.

>Join some fucking societies mate
I'm head of a society next year, and am also in the committee for some SU stuff next year (which is full of VERY fit girls - way, Way, WAY out of my league). Problem is it's all on pause over summer; I want to sort my life out now.

>Take care of yourself in other ways.
Must admit over summer the amount of shit food I intake does go up.

>Get a hobby.
Unfortunately the hobbies (restoring old technology, photography, working on my car) aren't exactly gash central.

I would say I probably do need to up my fashion sense - I was raised a t-shirt and jeans guy, and have no idea what looks good. Before he graduated, I had a flamboyantly queer m8 who would give me some help in that department but now I'm flying blind once again.

Perhaps I do need to give up for now and just wait until I get back to uni. It'll be my last year so I do need to make it count.
>> No. 27183 Anonymous
23rd July 2018
Monday 11:58 pm
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Good lad, I'm glad to hear it.

If I'm honest, you don't sound nearly as bad as you did in the first post, but there probably is still some way to go.

Glad to hear you're being proactive. Unfortunately, there is no instant quick fix to sorting out your life on a scale such as this and whilst you can start now and use it as motivation to be consistent, it's not going to change overnight, almost certainly not over one summer.

Clothing is the other one I missed out, I found the easiest thing to do was look at a film star that you get told you look like. Film stars are usually good looking people with expensive stylists, so literally just copy their clothing style provided they're not too eccentric, just copy the type of clothes that fit them. Works every time for me.

Failing that, just look at lads you think look fashionable or good out and about and pay attention to the type of things they wear, a lot of it falls down to fit. If you aren't getting t shirts that fit your body and jeans that do similar you'll struggle. A lot of it comes down to fit.

If I was bored at home in summer again between uni I know for certain I'd be going around the clothes shops having a try of something different, hitting the gym almost every day and working out a diet plan.

Your hobbies are cool mate, it doesn't matter what they are once you complete the other pieces of the puzzle. Girls will find literally any hobby interesting as long as you're interesting, provided you have some.

Don't give up now, let this be the start. Sorry I can't help more lad, I think it's just a case of getting your clothing sorted, not giving up and pushing on with what you're doing until you get to the higher levels.

I'll stop writing really long posts in your thread now and let the other lads get on with giving you advice.
>> No. 27184 Anonymous
24th July 2018
Tuesday 9:05 pm
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9 or 10 lasses have horrible self esteem issues, because only absolute bullet proof egos talk to them and you don't develop an ego that secure without a healthy dose of narcissism.

By and large, in my experience, If you don't immediately try and fuck them and are actually interested in them they warm to you quite quickly, assuming you're confident and don't have a glaring issue like body odour or bad breath. It is at that point that you can squeeze into their social lives, because they'll want to spend time with you if you're the kind of person who compliments them when they change their hair. Something as simple as "Is that a new Hairdo? It's nice."

Then it's just a matter of asking them to dance. "C'mon, dance with me. Neither can I, we'll be shit together." you get the night bus home with her and winch her. Then you have an excuse to ask her on a date, because you got to know her first and know what she is into. Gig, cinema, 'spoons and a fumble behind Gregg's; whatever.

Fit lasses aren't complicated, I used to get guys use the old "Why are you with this guy, when you could be with me?" and I would laugh it off, but I had to fight a few lads but to be honest that just made the lass horny. Assuming you win the fight, that's important.
>> No. 27185 Anonymous
24th July 2018
Tuesday 9:13 pm
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This sounds so alien to me.

I may as well be 13. It's something other people do.
>> No. 27187 Anonymous
24th July 2018
Tuesday 10:17 pm
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I'm the lads who suggested having a hobby is a relatively niche phenomenon. I'm by no means a virgin - I'm just frustrated by my inability to have a relationship with someone I haven't met on the internet/Tinder.

Some of you lot have responded by suggesting that everyday activities like watching TV/films, listening to music and playing video games counts as a hobby. I guess that's not exactly what I had in mind.

I suppose I should have specified hobbies tht involve meeting new people. I have plenty of interests, e.g. I play several musical instruments, but I don't see how playing them alone in my room will help me meet girls. I suppose the advice would be to go out and play music with other people, but if that was so easy I would have done that ages ago, because I'd like to join a band but can't find one of those either.


Tending to think this lad is right.
>> No. 27189 Anonymous
24th July 2018
Tuesday 11:53 pm
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>I suppose I should have specified hobbies tht involve meeting new people. I have plenty of interests, e.g. I play several musical instruments, but I don't see how playing them alone in my room will help me meet girls

They don't, but either a) once you do meet a girl some other way you have something interesting to say or b) you can extend your hobby to go out and do it in public or join a group or band or something.

My hobbies are working on classic cars, reading, being a musician, writing songs and that, cycling, gym stuff, photography, cooking, hiking, building weird musical instruments, gardening, and green laning. They might not all seem like hobbies to you, and I don't particularly meet anyone directly through any of them, but any time I do meet someone I have a fucking tonne of shit to talk about. I don't even consider most of these things hobbies, they're just things I do - but listed out like that (like in a dating profile) I sound like the most interesting man on the planet. I'm not, but it doesn't hurt to have that as a first impression.

Being a musician is pretty much a cheat code for fanny, but the obvious truth is that nobody's going to know you do it unless you do it outside of your house. It's very easy to tell yourself that you're not interesting enough, or to believe that you'd be wasting your time going in to a social setting because you're not good at it, but maybe all you need is a bit of practice.

People far more boring and ugly than you are getting their knobs sucked right now as we speak, I can say that for certain.
>> No. 27192 Anonymous
25th July 2018
Wednesday 10:51 am
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>I suppose the advice would be to go out and play music with other people, but if that was so easy I would have done that ages ago, because I'd like to join a band but can't find one of those either.

Please just go to an open mic night. There are literally thousands of wannabe singer-songwriters around who want to find the John to their Paul.
>> No. 27193 Anonymous
25th July 2018
Wednesday 10:55 am
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>winch her
This means sex, right? Sorry I'm not familiar with that term.
>> No. 27199 Anonymous
25th July 2018
Wednesday 10:24 pm
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The issue here is that I have no interest in making music with the type of "here's Wonderwall" singer-songwriters who perform at open mic nights.

Where do I find people to make weird stuff with?
>> No. 27200 Anonymous
25th July 2018
Wednesday 10:38 pm
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How many open mic nights have you been to? I feel as though you're just looking for excuses.
>> No. 27202 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 12:18 am
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Ivor Cutler used to go down a storm at most folk clubs. There are some absolute nutters knocking about in my local folk/acoustic/open mic circuit.

>> No. 27203 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 12:57 am
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I feel like this thread has gone a very long time without anyone pointing out how internet dating has gone from pathetic and embarrassing to socially accepted and completely normalised, especially among younger people, over the last five to ten years or so. I know you said in the OP that you haven't had much luck that way but it really is the norm these days, people simply don't go out to pull any more. Someone will bite eventually so long as you are worth their time.

I think that's the real issue here. You can try and maintain that it's a matter of meeting lasses, but lads have been giving you advice like getting hobbies and improving yourself because that's the real problem. You should already have bagged a Tinder date by now, and it's probably not because you're ugly. Unless you live on the surface of Mars, your local area is still going to be crawling with women, they are 50.7% of the population after all.
>> No. 27205 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 5:22 pm
27205 OP
>you should have already bagged a Tinder date by now

Thanks for the confidence boost, lad.

Correct me if I'm wrong here, but Tinder is 90% looks, right? It's literally just a picture of you unless you look at the profile and few girls have anything there except maybe a location.

Mine has some hobbies and a little info, and 4 pictures - one of just me (the primary), one of me out with some friends, two of me on holiday - one with a friend, one on the top of a mountain I climbed.

Unsure what else I can do -- my OKCupid profile is full of stuff to do with hobbies, and a couple of little jokes.
>> No. 27206 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 5:53 pm
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>Correct me if I'm wrong here, but Tinder is 90% looks, right?

Definitely not. Looks help, but the important things to remember are that almost everyone is 'average looking', and women do look for a bloke with more going on than a good face and some abs. Again, this will help, but the vast majority of women are on tinder because they want a long term thing, which means they want someone who isn't a depressing bore, and in reality that means even an uggo can score as long as he's got a decent profile.

Without seeing your profile (not that I'm asking to) I can't really help too much. My tinder profile pictures were a head on picture of my face on a good day, me in a suit at a wedding, me standing next to one of my female friends, and a wanky black and white photo of me looking moody. My bio was something like 'professional chef, part time musician' and that was it. I got hundreds of matches, and I'm maybe a 5 or 6/10 at best.
>> No. 27208 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 6:21 pm
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Try the ostrich technique. Wear sunglasses and take the photo in black and white.
>> No. 27209 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 7:07 pm
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My profile says "From <city name>, going to <university>, photographer and bassist. Have two cats and a dog."

What else do you suggest?

I already have a like that, of me in a car no less. Added. Will report back soon.
>> No. 27210 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 7:14 pm
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Don't put your city. It's completely redundant and does nothing to sell yourself. Don't focus on what university you're going to because thousands of other people are, just put the course or subject. Change the order to put put the more interesting things as a focus.

"Bassist, photographer, student in _____. Animal lover with a dog + 2 cats."
>> No. 27211 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 7:58 pm
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Not OP (nor anyone in this thread, as I remember) but I just canceled my tinder gold account. After just over two months my scores look a bit like this this:

Matches: ~200

Conversions to whatsapp: ~50+

People I was able to maintain a decent conversation with and build rapport: less than 10.

People who agreed to go on an actual "date" with me: Four

People who flaked at the last minute: Two (one of them twice)

People I flaked on because I saw a photo from a different angle and she was wider than a Chelsea Tractor: One

People I still might actually have a date with but it's been months and neither of us seems to have the time, energy or lack of apathy to actually arrange it: One

People who agreed to have immediate sex with me within minutes or hours of talking: Two.

People who agreed to have immediate sex with me within minutes or hours and didn't secretly have a penis: One.

Actual dates I've had: Zero

Number of people I've actually had sex with: Zero.

I'm not entirely sure why I bothered typing that all out other than to sort of get it off my chest. If it's a bother at all, just you other two complain and I'll delete this post.
>> No. 27212 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:01 pm
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Genuine audible mirth. Keep this post up, please.
>> No. 27213 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:03 pm
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The key numbers here are that you clicked with 10 women, made plans with 4, sacked 1 off, got fucked about by two of them and can't be arsed with the remaining one.

That's not really that shocking as statistics go.
>> No. 27214 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:05 pm
27214 OP
Done. Thanks.

Put this onto some fancy-looking graphs and make a blog post about it and you'll rake in the ad revenue.
>> No. 27216 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:17 pm
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Should've went with the tranny m7.

I'd try tinder but I don't have a single photo of myself engaged in normal activities with people or animals. Something tells me women aren't into creepy bedroom selfies.
>> No. 27217 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:26 pm
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Have you considered going outside? Dancing class perhaps? They’re always short on men

Sage because I only read the front page
>> No. 27218 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:34 pm
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I think what really skewed my numbers is that I probably only initiated a conversation with about half of my matches.

Some of them would pop up "you matched with xxxx N hours ago" and I'd thinking to myself "Jesus, I did? Why?". Others I'd take a deeper look at their profile and realise that beyond saying "hello how are you today" or something equally as inane I had absolutely nothing to connect to them over being that they had no pics beyond generic selfies and no information on themselves at all; "Here I am, I am good looking" they appeared to say. Well, so are prostitutes love, and at least they have the good manners to write a bit about themselves for the escorting website.

Probably about half the conversations started were initiated by the lass (I don't mean to brag but my profile was pretty OK), and the other half were me either trying to be interesting but flirty about one of their more interesting pictures or something from their profile that I found interesting or a few canned openers that don't apply to that many people.

If I'd actually gone the whole hog and tried to open a conversation with every single match (and hey there's still time) then I might have got a much higher conversion to whatsapp rate than I actually did. Something tells me that it wouldn't have affected my "rapport built" or "tentative dates" statistics, though (although that might be my own pessimism in action).

The two people who wanted to hook up for sex immediately are what I consider to be the interesting outliers, even if only one of them actually poZessed a vagina as opposed to wanting instead to poz me.
>> No. 27219 Anonymous
26th July 2018
Thursday 8:41 pm
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>Probably about half the conversations started were initiated by the lass

That's pretty fucking good going lad. There's a bit of an in-joke between my mates that if she talks to you first it's a guaranteed shag. That seems to have held true for me, and my ladm9s.

I'm not saying you're the one managing to fuck it up or anything, you seem to be pickier than myself and the dirty old men I apparently hang about with.

I know what you mean about the profiles that are just a fit bird with no information, i tend to assume they're bots or something, and if they're not the conversation from their end is 'lol wuu2 lol?' or something.
>> No. 27223 Anonymous
27th July 2018
Friday 2:56 am
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> I know what you mean about the profiles that are just a fit bird with no information, i tend to assume they're bots or something, and if they're not the conversation from their end is 'lol wuu2 lol?' or something.

I do wonder about bots, but what's the point of a tinder bot that doesn't even send you a link to get ad revenue or hackerize your phone or whatever? A good number of 8/10 or 9/10 lasses I matched with simply didn't respond to anything from a simple "heya what's up" to a fully witty compliment on one of their pics. So yeah, definitely a bit strange.

Anyway, last night / morning of tinder gold lads. Wish me luck, because it looks like basic tinder is a nightmare (maybe it'll finally time to drop cheesy openers on all my uncontacted matches) and I'm fucked if I'm continuing to pay 14 quid a month when POF is free (afaik?).

> Put this onto some fancy-looking graphs and make a blog post about it and you'll rake in the ad revenue.

I was thinking r/dataisdepressingbeautiful on reddit and post the screencap as one of my tinder pics. The fanny'll be absolutely frothing at the gash.
>> No. 27224 Anonymous
27th July 2018
Friday 3:01 am
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>because it looks like basic tinder is a nightmare

What features make paying for it worthwhile? I've never looked into it.
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