>>69588
They're doing it at all my local garages, in Surrey.

People are mental.

People are as mental as ever.
Also google maps has some useful features for socially avoidant people like me.

I cycle everywhere. I have never even really noticed where petrol stations are. As a result, I was riding home from work and was baffled at traffic jams that just appeared in random places on streets I ride along. Every single traffic jam I passed vanished immediately at a random point on the road which just happened to have a petrol station on it.

Some guy also road-raged at me on a roundabout that's a complete deathtrap, and I hurled abuse right back because I was definitely in the right. I can only assume this dickhead was angry about petrol stations somehow.

>>69592
It's the same dickheads who get upset at motorcycles or scooters or really any other "inconvenience" a might motorist encounter: as soon as they fuck up, they blame you.

>>69592
>I for one do not own a car

>>69594
I can't help being handsome and rich and so much more intelligent than everyone else.

people are fucking idiots. if you run out of fuel and can't buy any, then you don't have to go to work. fucks sake.

Went to the ASDA petrol station just now and there's nobody there and there's plenty of fuel by the looks of it, certainly at least there was 53 litres left.

I think the panic buyers are doing a shite job, really. Clearly not that much of a panic if you can't be arsed to go at this time of night. I wanted to see people filling up bin bags with petrol like they did in America when they had a fuel panic.

Anyway I can't wait for people to find out petrol goes off pretty quickly.

>>69597
That's why you should store it in the fridge.

>>69598
I'll be the cunt pulling up in an electric car with a load of cans in the boot, since the lawnmowers are on fumes.
Not the 8 cans that matey has in the OP, that's odd behaviour.

>>69594

> I don't even have a car license.

>>69599
I look forward to seeing your picture on the front page of the mail.

Anyone had any luck with LPG? I have half a tank of both LpG AND petrol so plenty to get me home but would be nice to fill up on LPG.

If you drive an older diesel, it probably can't hurt to know a farmer who has a red diesel tank on his farm. Although it does constitute tax evasion.

I used to be friends with a farmer's daughter who drove an old indirect-injection Golf diesel, and she never needed to go to a filling station. I'm not sure how frequent roadside spot checks for red diesel are, but she never got caught.

>>69604
You've got a better chance of plaiting piss than finding a farmer who would share.

Can't cooking oil be used as fuel? I'm sure I've read about leftover chippy grease being used for this purpose.

>>69604
Round here, I see a VOSA checkpoint in a layby about once a year, and I don't get out much. I never get pulled, but I probably don't look like a good candidate, and these days I purr past in electric silence. We're pretty rural, and red diesel is easily available, I either get it from a choice of filling stations or buy some off a farmer neighbour who gets 2 delivery tankers a week. I've also generally got 100l hanging around in cans.
I don't know what the economics of running a diesel genset instead of a fuel oil boiler are, for a little CHP plant to run the house - electricity, heating if I bodge some heat exchangers, and backup in case of ITZ. I'd want batteries to reduce the run hours if heating wasn't needed though. Make it modular so I can drop in replacement engines every few years. Plenty of space, and no neighbours close enough to bother with the noise, although I'd want it silenced. Turbos help, as do big, slow revving engines, not buzzy air-cooled screamers on open pipes.

My local garage has now run out of unleaded and diesel, thanks to all the numpties. These kinds of things rapidly become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I blame the robot overlords; they've been saying for years that the first people to go come the automation revolution, were the lorry drivers. Sounds like we fucked up there.

(Also, notable that Germany seem to suffering the same shortage of drivers, so it isn't just the usual British incompetence/Brexit)

>>69605

>Can't cooking oil be used as fuel?


I think generally you can use it, but you need to modify your engine slightly. I remember reading something that you need special injectors, because cooking oil will bung up your standard diesel injectors. You will also have to filter it thoroughly to get out any particles and impurities. You can't just pour it in straight from your chip fryer. Also, your latest-generation, high-tech diesel engine will probably struggle with it because it will be very precisely tuned to burn commercially available diesel from a filling station. Plant oil still has somewhat different properties from standard diesel fuel.

>>69597
>ANYWAY I CAN'T WAIT FOR PEOPLE TO FIND OUT PETROL GOES OFF PRETTY QUICKLY.

Stored sensibly it should last a good few years unless you're using some ketamine-injected analmobile. You can blend it with the fresh stuff if you're worried.

Of course what's really going to happen is that such people will no doubt read our humble website with it's organic petrol musings and conclude that the only thing to do is pour it all down the drains. Maybe fill some water pistols and spray it about for a laugh.

>>69610
I bet that's why the pond at spring Mill regularly has oil in it, which killed all the ducklings this year.

Could be worse, at least we're not Americans.

https://www.rudgwicksteamshow.co.uk.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/nvna84/how_low_is_the_iq_of_the_average_american/

>>69610

Also, winter diesel differs from diesel bought in summer.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Winter_diesel_fuel

In short, summer diesel fuel can begin to cause problems below +3°C.

When I was a younglad, a mate had an old Ford Sierra diesel, which died one night on the way to a club in the first real cold snap of that winter, as it was still running summer diesel. It had to be towed back home, because it stubbornly refused to run properly and the engine went out every few hundred metres. We siphoned out about 20 litres the next day and put it in a jerry can for use the following spring.

>>69612
Why are you passing around commercial Facebook videos staged to go viral that are so lame even rudgwicksteamshow.co.uk mods delete them?

Julius Dein is the producer if you want to follow him for your fill of 2013 style YouTube pranks.

At least we will be getting a bunch of Polish lorry drivers soon, so hopefully no food shortages. It's a bit of a pisstake though. What was the point of Brexit.

>>69615

The point was to prove everybody right that immigrants had indeed been taking jobs and suppressing wages, and then to immediately forget about all that because getting our first world creature comforts is more or less unanimously agreed to be more important in the end anyway.

Also I've got no problem for fuel around here, not yet anyway. Is it a southern thing by any chance?

>>69615
>>69616

Have you lot really forgotten that it was mainly a backfired, poorly veiled political gamble by ARE PIGFRIEND.

>>69615
>>69616
There was never an issue with a lorry driver getting a visa to work here. People did a lot of talking about it but a good HGV licence is a golden passport. They've gone because there's an entire continent begging for drivers with less uncertainty felt around the pandemic and Brexit.

You won't get European drivers on a temporary visa scheme because they don't want to come. It's complete smoke and mirrors to be seen to be doing something hence why you also get faux-popular nonsense like:
>Mr Ellwood said hundreds of Afghan refugees could be trained to fill vacancies.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-58687026

>>69615
Populism and reactionary dolphin rape were stage 1. Stage 2 is when big business and corporate interests have to pay us all much higher wages due to the cut in supply from the labour market. Stage 1 is the stage they endorsed; now they have to prevent stage 2 from happening. Weird, isn't it?

People are trying to flog petrol on Facey.

>>69620

The state of these absolute mugs, paying money for petrol.

>>69620

Isn't there some sort of law against trading petrol as a private citizen?


Looks like we're fast approaching proper Mad Max-style ITZ. Nice knowing you, lads.

>>69604

I could buy it from work but it's really not worth the risk. When I lived in Yorkshire the plod would pull me over in my old land rover to dip the tank quite frequently. It was annoying.

>>69623

Maybe it's because I haven't owned a diesel in decades, but I have honestly never seen anybody get pulled over to check for red diesel. Or maybe it just didn't occur to me at that moment.

>>69624
It only really happens if you live rurally. No one is going to pull you over in one of the major cities, but then you'd struggle to get red diesel there unless there's a marina you can blag some 60:40 narrowboat diesel from.

This would be fixed if lorry drivers were actually paid better than what they get now. They want to get immigrants to drive the lorries because businesses don't want to pay the wages.

>>69628
>THIS WOULD BE FIXED IF LORRY DRIVERS WERE ACTUALLY PAID BETTER THAN WHAT THEY GET NOW.

*20 years ago.

The issue is that Europe doesn't have HGV drivers. We're used to pulling all the drivers from the east but now Poland isn't a nightmare and Ukraine has already been bled out. To top it off there is a backlog of training for new HGV drivers which is likely already being rushed unsafely.

That and, obviously, there is no real shortage aside from the artifical one caused by the same people who likely still have rolls of shitpaper leftover from last year.

>>69628

Not strictly true. Some companies are now so desperate for drivers that they offer to pay them quite large sums that many an office slave will struggle to make.

https://www. Please ban me/news/16162431/lorry-drivers-offered-mega-pay-deals/

(The Telegraph has the same story behind a paywall and DM links will only get the .gs mods in a huff, so we'll have to make do with a link to The Sun)

>>69632

I was genuinely unaware that Sun links are also frowned upon.

Apologies.

>>69633
Sooner of later a mod is going to wordfilter britfa.gs and it will be the end of us all.

>>69635

I think I tried something like that once and it did actually just break the ability to post.

>>69639
https://britfa.gs/shed/res/15246.html ?

Make sure you don't hoard more than 30 litres of petrol without telling the proper authorities:

https://www.hse.gov.uk/fireandexplosion/petrol-storage-club-association.htm

>>69642

You can (or could) buy 100 litre barrels of E85 off the internet, does that not count?

Ended up getting some LPG on the way home yesterday. No limit, and loads left. Give it a week and the only vehicles left on the road will be ancient V8s and the occasional one of hose Volvos they did that were LPG from the factory.

Every station I passed today had cones blocking the pumps. As I'm a normal person who only fuels up when I need to, I will very much be in trouble if I can't get some in the next couple of days. I can't fucking wait to queue up for half an hour to put £30 in.

>>69644

Also some old Japanese taxis, which are LPG-only.

>>69645

I'm also the kind of person who normally only gets petrol for ten to twenty quid. Thirty if I'm feeling frivolous. If my car's trip computer is to be believed, right now I've got fuel left in my tank for 70 miles. Although I've mainly done city driving the past few days or so, which tends to bring down the fuel range reading. A few miles on the M25 nearby would probably increase that number again.

>>69647
>A FEW MILES ON THE M25 NEARBY WOULD PROBABLY INCREASE THAT NUMBER AGAIN

Are insulate Britain still at it? Could be hilarious if people run out of fuel on the M25 thanks to them.

>>69648
Why would they choose to protest on the only road in the country a court injunction forbids them to?

>>69648

There were a couple of road block protests yesterday. One against upgrading an incinerator and one anti-vax or something. One on the M25, neither got into the major news.

>>69649
Shits and giggles.

>>69647

I usually fill about £30 or £40 at a time, I have a 105 litre tank in my car but running half empty nets me a couple of extra MPGS and all that, plus I just don't like spending that long brimming it.

But now if I do manage to find an open garage without a spending limit, I'm going to be inclined to fill the entire tank because of these issues. I realise this makes me part of the problem, but I'm not sure what else to do. My mum is getting quite anxious about the whole thing, as she needs to get to grandma's to do her shopping and stuff like that and its 20 minutes of town driving which really eats petrol.

I have never actually filled my car to the max, and I have been driving for 20 years. Come to think of it, I don't even know how I would know when it is full...

>>69653

> Come to think of it, I don't even know how I would know when it is full

Modern fuel nozzles have an auto shut off, i.e. they can detect when your tank is full. It's a fully mechanical system, so I guess it has to do with flow resistance.

>>69653

https://auto.howstuffworks.com/fuel-efficiency/fuel-consumption/gas-pump-full-tank.htm

>Near the tip of the nozzle is a small hole, and a small pipe leads back from the hole into the handle. Suction is applied to this pipe using a Venturi. When the tank is not full, air is being drawn through the hole by the vacuum, and the air flows easily. When gasoline in the tank rises high enough to block the hole, a mechanical linkage in the handle senses the change in suction and flips the nozzle off.

>>69655

That little tidbit made my day, I fucking love mechanical systems.

>>69656
DID YOU CATCH THIS GEM?

>>69655

I wonder how informed about this the average forecourt worker is. Could a band of environmentalists shut down a petrol station for a considerable amount of time with just a few tiny balls of blu-tac or tape? (or whatever wouldn't quickly be melted by the residual petrol)

>>69657

I very much enjoyed this, also. much appreciated.

>>69655
Every now and then I've come across a dodgy pump where this doesn't work properly and keeps cutting off constantly when I'm nowhere near full.

>>69660

Still better than the other way round.

Although the system appears to be designed so that that's not possible.

A lot of machines and mechanical components are designed in such a way that they can fail one way, but not the other. For example, train locomotives have a foot switch that acts as a dead man's switch, in that the train driver must tap it with his foot every few seconds, and if he doesn't, the train will automatically brake to a halt. A faulty foot switch can then cause the train to stop anyway, but the train will not keep moving with the driver's foot off the switch.

Also, if like me you dabble in Arduino circuits for practical applications, a good circuit and code design will ensure that no harm comes from a failing component, and that your contraption goes dead altogether when a critical fault occurs. This is especially important if you deal with anything more than 12 volts, or indeed 230V AC.

>>69660

I think it has something to do with the shape of the nozzle or maybe even the force of the pump - on some pumps if I hold the trigger down fully, it's too fast and will spit fuel back up my tanks filler tube and thus cause the cut off. On others it works perfectly. Apparently a remedy to this is to put the pipe in upside down, but I refuse to do anything weird at a petrol station for fear of being shot by anti terror police.

This never worked in my old Celica. To stop it immediately clicking off, you had to hold the nozzle half way out of the filler neck and you knew the tank was full by the pitch of the liquid flow.

With LPG, it clicks off in a similar way but I'd guess that's probably to do with pressure differences.

>>69649
This aged well.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-58704508

>>69664
>The order, which was granted to National Highways Ltd, states demonstrators are banned from "causing damage to the surface of or to any apparatus on or around the M25 including but not limited to painting, damaging by fire, or affixing any item or structure thereto".
So the injunction just was against them spilling paint and gluing themselves to the road? That's daft.

I saw this on the way home today. Here was me resenting having to pay £1.42 per litre earlier elsewhere.

>>69666
That's the inevitable stage 3 of the panic. Fuel is absolutely fine, as it was, but we're now paying 40p more per litre just for a laugh.

A fuel campaigner has been inundated with phone calls from desperate motorists, after pranksters registered his home as a petrol station on Google Maps.

Users of the website saw a picture of a BP garage forecourt where Howard Cox’s house should have been, amid soaring demand for fuel In the UK. An unamused Mr Cox, who founded FairFuelUK – a group calling for cheaper petrol prices – received more than 70 calls from drivers hoping to fill up their tanks.

The move also appears to have polluted Mr Cox’s sense of humour, with the campaigner blaming ‘radical greens and cyclists’ for the stunt, which he branded ‘sick and puerile’. Clearly exhausted by the mischief, he blasted the ‘anti-car woke brigade’ in an effort to make their efforts backfire.

Motorists told the campaigner they were ‘desperate’ for fuel over the phone, before learning that his house was not in fact a petrol station open 24 hours a day.

https://metro.co.uk/2021/09/27/fuel-activist-is-furious-after-woke-trolls-list-his-home-as-a-petrol-station-15324615/

What will happen once everyone has all the petrol they need? If there's no actual shortage, then at some point the forecourts will be polared and they won't be able to give it away. The price is going to be up and down like Bitcoins over the coming weeks.

>>69669

>>69669

>What will happen once everyone has all the petrol they need?

Most people only have the 60 litres that will fit in their fuel tank. You can't normally store petrol in bulk, the way some people were playing silly buggers with their toilet paper stockpiling during ITZdown. Even if petrol demand is temporarily saturated, most people will come back for more in a week or two.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kkRX2p9wH4

>>69672

Tuesday: selfish idiot fills water bottles with petrol
Wednesday: water bottle woman is one of ARE NHS HEROES
Thursday: water bottle woman said something racist on Twitter in 2011
Friday: man filming water bottle woman is convicted carpet-bagger

https://uk.finance.yahoo.com/news/bp-sparked-fuel-crisis-drive-153510932.html

The whole thing is a plot by BP (big petrol) to force the government's hand on cheap expat labour, because the invisible hand of the free market is wonderful until supply and demand goes the opposite way than they want.

>>69674
The whole panic was started by BP's PR company. It's a joke.

This message brought to you by the electric car manufacturer association.

>>69665
No, obviously not.

https://highwaysengland.co.uk/media/wcufrac5/national-highways-limited-v-persons-unknown-approved-order-21-09-21.pdf

>>69664
Unless they believe the injunction won't stand up, I don't really get it. Surely some of them are now headed to prison or the government will look completely impotent. They must be ready to accept that, but it just seems silly to voluntarily forfeit your freedom for no obvious gain.

>>69676
Quite surprised at the lack of Tesla/Musk trolling over it all.

>>69676

Don't start, they're already saying we might run out of lectric this winter. Presumably there aren't enough poles to run on the big hamster wheels or something.

It's a lot like that time in the 70s we all had to vote for thatcher to sort out the madness of fuel shortages and blackouts isn't it. Bloody lefties, ruining are economy.

>>69675
It was started by nadine dorries.

https://www.theguardian.com/business/live/2021/sep/28/uk-fuel-crisis-health-services-companies-petrol-diesel-brent-crude-80-dollars-stock-markets-ftse-business-live

>Boris Johnson says the “petrol pump business” was caused by a “slightly misleading account” that was leaked, and caused a big, “totally understandable surge in public demand”.

>[he’s referring to reports that BP had told a meeting organised by the Cabinet Office that it planned to restrict deliveries of petrol and diesel to its service stations, due to a shortage of HGV drivers.]

>Johnson says the UK isn’t short of very many lorry drivers in the fuel sector, but there is a shortage in the wider HGV profession around the world.


Finally. We're saved!

>>69681
Why didn't he clarify last week? Why so late?

>>69682
BECAUSE HE WANTED THE CHAOS. IT'S ALL PART OF THE ELECTRIC CAR MASTER PLAN

>>69682
The Daily Mail did run that story last week.

ITZ!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2_Y7GHXSYUw


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gf352A078MI

>>69685
I heard on the radio that someone pulled a knife on another motorist who tried to jump the queue. This was meant to be a terrible thing, but hey, don't jump the queue. We're British, by golly. It's just not cricket. Cut that fucker's head off.

>>69686

Like they say: 'jump the queuers, get thee skewered'.

I popped into Tesco earlier and the big wall when you come in is half bare and half stocked with toys, with massive signs above them about stocking up for Christmas early just in case.

>>69688
The corporate bigwigs must be laughing. They've realised they have to power to make Christmas come early and in doing so clear out the warehouses without the need for sales. Don't even get me started in Big Bird who have hammered the message that you simply MUST have a turkey for Christmas despite years of rising alternatives.

Remember these are the same people who devised the system that turns the customers into checkout workers who scan their own items for free and yet did nothing to expand actual capacity so you still have a long line for the self-service at rush hour.

Remember how funny it was when Americans were guarding Jerry cans with Ar-15s?

>>69689
>in doing so clear out the warehouses without the need for sales
I heard there're fast expiring stockpiles of fuel, and that's why panic buying was encoraged.

>>69689
You're not a social care worker just because you wipe your own arse.

>>69692
But I'm doing a public service when I wipe your mum's arse.

>>69693

Your mum's a public service.

In that case, we've all done a public service.

>>69694
More like pubic service.

>>69704

>Was then hit by a van

Got my hopes up for a split second there.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-norfolk-58736742

>Brexit: East Anglian turkey farmers warn of Christmas shortage

https://www. Please ban me/news/16297123/britain-christmas-butchers-shortage/

>Britain faces pigs in blankets and ham shortage at Christmas ‘due to lack of butchers’



ITZ!!!

We'll all be eating spaghetti with ketchup at Christmas.

>>69706
Didn't they warn about this last year? Or was it the year before?

The problem I foresee is that we'll not have Christmas dinner and all the takeaways and pubs will be shut. I found this out last year when there was only one place doing deliveries open and it was shit.

>>69716
I bought Indian takeaway on Christmas eve and microwaved it on the day.

What makes this more/less tragic depending on your perspective is that there were 5 of us eating it instead of just me in stained boxers.

>>69720

If the other 4 diners were also wearing stained boxers then this is terribly grim indeed.

>>69722

You have obviously never lived with housemates.

>>69723

Not ones who kept stealing my stained boxers, no

>A tanker driver has told how he was tailed by about 20 drivers who were dismayed to discover he was not transporting petrol. Johnny Anderson, who drives for Weaver Haulage, was transporting 44 tonnes of mortar from Bilston, Wolverhampton, to a building site in Northamptonshire.

>When he reached his destination, he saw a line of traffic backed up behind him. "The man at the front... actually said 'You could have stopped and told us you weren't a petrol tanker," he said.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-58767230

At least most of the country has gone back to normal. Unsurprisingly, the selfish southern cunts are the ones worst affected at the minute.

>>69726

In all fairness, a mortar tanker looks markedly different from a petol tanker. You'd have to be kind of thick to get those two confused.

Also, a petrol tanker always has hazard identification plates on its rear end and sides.

If you can't even spot that, then maybe you deserve to be without petrol.

Do you suppose this has anything to do with Americas withdrawal of forces from Afganistan, the Talibans claim to power and the hurried re-negotiations the oil companies must have had to make?

>>69738
Svalbard imports oil.

>>69738

No, it's just the scant majority of Leave voters who fucked it up for all the rest of us.

>>69738
>>69740
I thought it was the work of forecourt witches. The same ones who magically empty your car of petrol when you're running late.

>>69738
I don't think there's any conspiracy, because the government seems to understand it all too well. They tell people, "Quit your whining; it'll only be for a week or two" and this seems to have been largely correct.

The only conspiracy is how the government can possibly be allowed to get away unchallenged with letting the country run out of petrol for two weeks. This probably won't even be mentioned next election.

>>69738
Not unless significant numbers of our hauliers were closet Talibs.

>>69742
>THE ONLY CONSPIRACY IS HOW THE GOVERNMENT CAN POSSIBLY BE ALLOWED TO GET AWAY UNCHALLENGED WITH LETTING THE COUNTRY RUN OUT OF PETROL FOR TWO WEEKS. THIS PROBABLY WON'T EVEN BE MENTIONED NEXT ELECTION.

What was the government to do, stand on the roof of a petrol station and shoot anyone panic buying?

>>69744
Absolutely. Sign me the fuck up for that duty.

>>69744
If only they had some sort of influence over how news is reported in this country.

>>69746

That's what happens when every third arsecunt in this country gets his news from the DM or the Sun. Or RT or facebook. It's not the government's job to reeducate thick people.

>>69746
Can't we just have a few more of these not-shortage shortages, to prepare us for the real fuckups to come? I'm not sure that gagging the press will work properly any more, will it? Time to get crying wolf hard and often.

As a militant vegan, I'm thrilled the pigs are being put out of their misery and the farmers will suffer - but what have they got to do with the petrol deliveries?

Seems unfair to blame the poor piggy bastards for the lack of lorry drivers.

>>69749
Isn't this more that the piggies are now too big to fit through the finely tuned butchery plants? The CO2 hiccup meant they didn't get offed at the correct weight. No amount of manual labour can replace those semi-automated plants, you can't just post people a dead pig & say 'get on with it' (except DCameron, of course, where 'it' isn't something you really want people to be getting on with). I very much doubt that the in-store butchers at Morrisons et al are set up for butchery like this either.

>>69749
>Imminent slaughter and incineration of up to 120,000 pigs
Jesus. You do ONE rape....

>>69749
https://projectblue.blob.core.windows.net/media/Default/Pork/Pork%20MI%20files/uk-pig-facts-and-figures_2506_190507_web.pdf
reckons we (UK) slaughtered 10.94 million pigs in 2019. 120,000 is a big pile of piggies, but any hiccup in the supply chain is going to cause similar numbers if they can't catch up.

>>69749
https://projectblue.blob.core.windows.net/media/Default/Pork/Pork%20MI%20files/uk-pig-facts-and-figures_2506_190507_web.pdf
reckons we (UK) slaughtered 10.94 million pigs in 2019. 120,000 is a big pile of piggies, but any hiccup in the supply chain is going to cause similar numbers if they can't catch up.

>>69750
Oh I love that bit of the whole furore. We can't humanely gas our pigs with CO2 so we're going to leave them alive.

Somebody needs to give Eli Roberts a call.

British dairy farmers say they have poured tens of thousands of litres of milk away due to the HGV driver shortage - and fear it is just the "tip of the iceberg" ahead of winter.

https://news.sky.com/story/dairy-farmers-forced-to-pour-tens-of-thousands-of-litres-of-milk-away-due-to-hgv-driver-shortage-and-rising-costs-and-labour-shortages-12427818

Y'all ready for the milk shortages?

>>69762
Y'all?

>>69750

>you can't just post people a dead pig & say 'get on with it'

Yeah you can. Here's a video guide.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrOOwOOJS9Q

Mind how often he slaps its arse.

>>69763

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJ6CcEOmlYU

>>69764

Ah, wrong one, this is the one where he gets wierdly sexual with it. Well, probably both. But you know. I just wanted an excuse to post this.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXPmxWEXrRU

I watched it a few years ago while I was coming down from an acid trip and I've never been able to look at pork the same way.

They should breed livestocks so they don't have faces. Just remove anything from the base of the neck upwards, and replace it with a single orifice which can be used to pour oats in to feed them. Imagine how much pig head is going to waste right now.

>>69767

And what do you think goes into cheap meat products?

>>69768
Same thing that goes into faggots.

>>69769
Cocks and drugs?

>>69769
>>69770
I was going to suggest "sausages" myself, because I am a genius, underappreciated in my own time.

>>69771
You won't be seeing sausages in your faggots anytime soon m8. Which might be for the best as we're about to become a nation without any clean underwear.

>>69772

Good time to be getting into the spiv business.

>>69772

>as we're about to become a nation without any clean underwear

We haven't run out of detergent, have we?

>>69774
With the norovirus rampage at the moment you're about to learn soon that sometimes underwear can't be saved.

>>69775

I'm at an age and a salary bracket that I just chuck a shitted pair of boxers, regardless of the damage. Even a substantial enough skidmark might get them in the bin. Life's too short to be sat thinking about all the poo particles floating about your washing machine.

>>69776
>A SALARY BRACKET THAT I JUST CHUCK A SHITTED PAIR OF BOXERS, REGARDLESS OF THE DAMAGE

I believe that bar is known as "minimum wage"

>>69776

I think I've only actually, genuinely shit my pants once in my whole life, and it was after an all day bender where I'd had about twelve pints and at least four other drugs in my system.

How often does it happen to you?

>>69774
In case anyone needs reminding, it is legal to punch smug electric car owners in the face if they bring this up. In the case of Tesla owners, it's a legal requirement and you can get 15 years for leaving one unpunched.

I don't understand you people. You all talk about how you're in medium-high professional positions, but you're also all trapped in hyper-dysfunctional relationships and in constant fear of you're own bowels. Getting older sounds horrible, I might join the 27 club. I don't want to shit myself and cry all the time, I did that already, it's called being 15.

>>69778
You sound like a bit of a weirdo mate. Have you never felt an urgent need to poo or sharted?

>>69779
Don't listen to him, lads. He's just a cyclist trying to foster division.

>>69780

I don't think you'll be surprised to learn the common denominator here is probably autism.

In my case I'm in a professional, skilled job but the pay is still shit because frankly, economics just isn't fair and that's tough titty. As a result I'm trapped in the dysfunctional relationship because without it my financial situation, while not unbearable, would be considerably less comfortable.

One day I might fuck it all off and proposition my dirty polish mate but alas. I can afford loads of stuff I don't need this way, and I like stuff.

>>69780
Do you remember that episode of Star Trek where Picard goes back to his youth and has a bad time? What about that Twilight Zone episode where the husband and wife can only afford for one of them to be made young again? None of us were really living any better in our 20s, you might not have IBS but you do have a lot of more life stress.

>>69782
One day I'll convince you to sham marry me and we'll both buy that house we want. It'll start as a sham anyway, soon we'll be anything but.

>>69778

It doesn't happen that frequently, probably once every couple of years, though admittedly in the last year it's been maybe three times, but my diet has been pretty bad.

I'd like to point out that I only ever have shat myself while suffering from diarrhea. I think it's perfectly normal to shit your keks when it's literally pouring out of your bumhole.

>>69780

I'm single, actually. It's probably nothing to do with all the shitting the bed I do, probably.

But really, getting older is great. I would never have admitted to shitting myself, even on here, when I was younger. Now I live a freer, truer life. I genuinely do not care if the fit 25 year old lass at work knows I shat myself on a plane once, it's a funny story and I know from experience it will not put her off shagging me (I'm sure she'll find a reason though)

Around four years ago, I shat myself for what I believe to be the only time in my adult life. No health problems; I just thought I could squeeze out a fart and it was a full hard nugget of solid poopoo instead. It was inconvenient, but fine, really. Plus it makes for a cool story.

>>69785

I once had to excuse myself and go home at the end of a hot date where things probably could have happened while we were at her place after a night out. I was able to wipe the shart nugget off from between my bum cheeks in her bathroom, but it had left unmistakable skidmarks in my light coloured underwear, and I was determined that I would rather go home without sex and risk not getting a second chance with her than having her spot the skid marks while undressing.

We never went on a second date. But at least my skid marks remained unnoticed that night, and my dignity intact.

>>69785
A few months ago I was awakening from a night of heavy drinking and takeaway and had to take my bike in for repairs. Got up and atom, was walking my broken bike to the shop when I stepped off the curb and the misalignment of my hips allowed some of the internal brew to escape the seals and leak into my boxers. Prior to that it's only happened a couple of times in life, when I've played and lost the game of hangover fart.

Unfortunately I was halfway to the shop and there were no toilets on the way, just pavements and houses. So I soldiered on and thankfully the chap just greeted me at the door and took the bike, so he had scant time to linger in the stench. It proper started itching after about 10 minutes of friction, certainly not an experience I'd like to repeat.

>Britain's most energy intensive manufacturers, including producers of steel, glass, ceramics and paper, have warned the government that unless something is done about soaring wholesale gas prices they could be forced to shut down production.

>"If the government doesn't take any action then basically what we'll see for the steel sector is more and more pauses of production in certain times of the day and those pauses will become longer," Gareth Stace, director general of UK Steel told ITV News.
>Similarly, Andrew Large, director general of the Confederation of Paper Industries, told the same broadcaster that he could not rule out factories having to suspend production due to increased energy costs.
>David Dalton of the British Glass Manufacturers Association said some companies were days away from halting production.
https://www.reuters.com/world/uk/british-industry-warns-factory-closures-without-help-fuel-costs-2021-10-09/

Pack your advocaat, we'll be in the 1970s by Christmas.

>>69787
>GOT UP AND ATOM
It's up and at 'em...

>>69789
UP AND AT THEM

It's been nice knowing you.

>>69791
Is it time to start fighting people in Costco, again?

>>69792
Depends how much you care about looking after your ringpiece.

>>69791
How is that couple able to go in and buy all the toilet paper in the store without issue. It doesn't make good business sense to chase the short-term profit at the cost of being viewed as unreliable by your regular customers.

Surely the store manager should tell them to piss off and have every right to?

>>69794
That doesn't come close to all the paper in the store. They're buying like three times what many business owners might go in there to buy routinely.

>>69794
A lot of supermarkets generally employ a guideline where you can't buy more than 10 or so of a single item, though I don't think it's enforced very often. I think during the last lockdown they had reduced it to three of a single item. As long as these guidelines aren't being broken dramatically, I don't think the shop gives a shit as long as it's shifting stock.

>>69794
Costco are a wholesalers. If you get pictures of people buying in bulk then it's easier to try and weave a panic buying narrative.

Besides, didn't most supermarkets make record sales during the panic buying last year?

>>69794
The picture quite clearly shows them buying kitchen roll.

https://www.costco.co.uk/Business-Office-Supplies/Cleaning-Care/Paper-Products-Tissues-Wipes/Velvet-Wipe-and-Clean-Kitchen-Roll-Towel-20-x-75-Sheet-Pack/p/64034

Is this why the Daily Mail is banned here, because you are so easily hoodwinked?

>>69798
>BECAUSE YOU ARE SO EASILY HOODWINKED

Que?

>>69799
The DM comments: this is all bollocks.

You: how could this be allowed to happen?

>>69792
Okay I went to Costco this afternoon. Can confirm it was rammed with people, and panic buying in full effect. They did have an interesting advent calendar involving beer though.

The panic buying of toilet roll is market manipulation by big bidet, they wont be satisfied until everyone in the UK has one installed

>>69800
Give it a week, lad. We all saw what happened when it was reported that four petrol stations in the entire country were running low on fuel.

>>69802
I used a wet flannel for a long time - hot steamy warter to wash it afterward. Suprisingly efficient.

>>69796
I distinctly remember it going down to 1 pack of toilet paper at one point. Must've been utter chaos for women.

>>69797
>BESIDES, DIDN'T MOST SUPERMARKETS MAKE RECORD SALES DURING THE PANIC BUYING LAST YEAR?

Wasn't that more down to everyone being trapped at home?

>>69798
It's banned because this is a Daily Star website since Ed Winchester took over editorship.

>>69805
>MUST'VE BEEN UTTER CHAOS FOR WOMEN.

Why?

>>69806
>WHY?
Pregnancy cravings.

>>69807
I don't think my girlfriend ever got pregnancy cravings. Well, food cravings. She definitely had sex cravings when her hormones were all over the shop.

I bought one of those screw-on bidets you install yourself, my arse has never been happier. Fancy using paper and your hands to clean your bumhole like some fucking ape.

>>69809
I don't know why but this post is very amusing. Well done ladm9

>>69809
WHAT DOES IT SCREW ON TO?

https://www. Please ban me/news/16437174/britain-pie-crisis-shortage-of-foil-tins/

>>69811
It's got a pair of slotted holes that align with the holes for the seat. They provide a T-joint and tube to connect the unit to the water line into the cistern. Five minutes to install.

>>69821
>There are also fears that mince pies could be affected as the nation starts preparing for Christmas.

I wasn't panicking because we all know that Father Christmas has his own supply chain but he doesn't work for peanuts. Next it'll be the cookies and carrots.

>>69823
I'd rather have stollen anyway.

>>69824

Lidl's stollen is piss though if you've actually been to Germany, and especially places like Dresden. They're not technically the birthplace of stollen, but Dresden sort of turned stollen into fine art. You have to have special permission from the Dresden Bakers Guild, whose centuries-old statutes say that without that permission, you are not allowed to produce stollen in and around Dresden, and much less call it Dresdner Stollen.

We went to a place called Café Reimann right across from Dresden Cathedral, and they told us the whole litany, and naturally that Reimann is the best and biggest local stollen producer.

Some travel advice for the After times. You're welcome. And their stollen really was delicious.

>>69825
Did you apologise for the bombing?

>>69826

> Did you apologise for the bombing?

They didn't apologise for the watery hot chocolate I had with their otherwise very delicious stollen, so no.

>>69825
It's similar with a lot of their regional beers, which is why German beer is shite.

>>69828

I'm not generally a fan of top fermented beers, which is what some of their regional beers are. We had some Kolsch and also some Alt, and neither was an absolute revelation. In Bavaria they drink a lot of Weissbier, also top fermented, a bit like watered down pale ale, but it also was a bit meh. Maybe you had to be in Bavaria to fully appreciate it, which was not on our itinerary.

Schwarzbier, on the other hand, was an interesting take on Stout. We really enjoyed it, although it gave all of us a pretty bad headache the next day.

>>69829

I really like weissbier and wheat beer; but I once had a really tasty one in a pretentious hipster bar that I can't remember the name of, and I'll forever have to live knowinng I won't find it again, and being disappointed at the likes of erdinger in a spoons.

>>69830

We had Paulaner Weissbier. Not bad, but a bit indistinct, taste wise. As most Weissbier is, I guess.

We took home a carton of Kostritzer Schwarzbier, which I haven't seen anywere in the UK. Considered one of the best major Schwarzbier brands there. Very rich, but again, potential for horrible headaches the following day.

>>69829
>>69830
>>69831
Schwarzbier can be alright. Have either of you tried a rauchbier? Tastes like smoky bacon crisps.

>>69832
A lot of hipster pubs near me sell the bacon beer, but I can never remember what it's called so I sometimes order it by mistake. It makes my usual games of pub Russian Roulette even more exciting, knowing I might accidentally order the bacon beer again.

>>69833
Most pubs will let you have a sample to see if you like it before ordering a pint.

>>69834
How many can you have before they think you're taking the piss? Or until the other punters think you're taking the piss?

>>69834
People keep saying this. For me, it's the risk of having something horrible that I enjoy. The taste is irrelevant, really; I want to drink an adventure. And about one time in ten, that adventure is the bloody bacon beer again.

Bacon is going for 80p at my local supermarket. Time to stock up, lads.

Unfortunately I went to the supermarket to buy condoms and they didn't have any. Same happened when I went to the nearby chemist. There wasn't any on display anyway, I'm not asking for condoms (extra-regular) in a crowded store. I reckon I'll be able to pick them up at the train station's Boots but if not then this is a very worrisome development indeed.

>>69837
Go without. Live a little.

>>69838
Well I'm not actually planning on using one, just doing a few unenthusiastic thrusts to convince her to let me go in bareback. I'm a gentleman.

>>69837
Ba-con-dick
Ba-con-dick
Ba-con-dick

You know you want to

>>69837

Ugh, .. I'd never bought condoms before this one time, when I leant into the female cashier and whispered "do you sell (motioned with the mouth) C O N D O M S?". Horror struck, she pointed where they were then shrunk off in silence.
Fucking retarded autism. Mortifying.

>>69841
>motioned with the mouth
What motion? Did you mime putting on a condom with your mouth?

>>69842
Like, visibily mouthed the word rather than speaking it, right up in her face.
There were people abou, I thought I was being discrete. Turned out it was just inapropriately intimate.

>>69841

I WAS ONCE IN SUPERDRUG WITH A FEMALE FRIEND, WHO NEEDED TO BUY CONDOMS FOR HER BOYFRIEND. HE WAS A PARTICULARLY WELL ENDOWED CHAP AND SO SHE HAD TO BUY THE EXTRA LARGE KIND. SO ANYWAY, WE'RE STANDING AT THE TILL, THE FEMALE CASHIER PICKS UP THE CONDOMS, LOOKS AT DOWN AT THEM, HER EYES GO WIDE AND THEN SHE LOOKS AT ME. WELL LADM9S I DID THE ONLY THING A MAN IN MY POSITION COULD, I GAVE HER A NOD AND THE "YEAHHHH, THAT'S RIGHT" KIND OF SMUG LOOK THAT TOLD HER IT WAS I WHO POSSESSED THE MASSIVE COCK.

MINE IS ONLY A RESPECTABLE 7"

>>69845
I stole a load of condoms from our year 8 science class after our teacher had given us the talk on how to put them on. Being that I was 12 and mostly concerned with Dragonball Z, I had no plans to use them, and was just doing it for the asinine pre-teen bants. One of my mates grassed me up instantly, and I had to have a shameful conversation with the teacher.

With my fully-developed and then some, ey ey libido, I've since realised our science teacher that year fresh out of uni, an absolute smokeshow, and I had the pleasure of watching her diligently unfurl a condom over a large test tube. Had I been developmentally a little further on, I would have wanked myself blind that evening.

>>69837

"I'm sorry love, I can't find johnnies anywhere, but I did manage to buy some lube wink".

I don't know why you lads are so childish about it. I loudly ask for condoms and lube whenever I cannot find it, and then make aggressive eye contact with whoever else is queueing up.

Whenever I need haemorrhoid cream or thrush ointment, I buy condoms too as a distraction. I've got hundreds of the fuckers. And as it turns out, you definitely, definitely cannot use them as balloons for your neighbour's kid's birthday party.

I've used condoms like twice in my life.

one of the times was basically my first or second ever fuck, we were both awkward as fuck and neither of us could manage to get one on me, and when we eventually did the mood had sort of gone. the second time, several years later, the thing ripped itself in half, and we only realised because luckily we stopped for a mid-sex fag break. For years I believed the whole thing about how durable and elastic condoms are and that surely I'm not that generously hung, I don't like to be egotistical after all. But the facts speak for themselves.

Either way I don't like 'em. I've never really slept around with strangers and my partners have always used birth control, so I've never really needed it.

>>69850
>A MID-SEX FAG BREAK
What? What the fuck? I don't think you know how to use condoms correctly.

>>69850
Unless you bought some kind of poundland special offer condom size is a comfort not a breaking thing. You'd have to be cartoonishly large to break one from size alone but "dry" friction (basically they need lube, be it natural or artifical) or mishandling can cause issues. Sheer black luck also applies, of course.

>>69850l
>MY PARTNERS HAVE ALWAYS USED BIRTH CONTROL, SO I'VE NEVER REALLY NEEDED IT

And, of course, women never lie about being on birth control to oops someone.

>>69851

You know, when you fuck for like, half an hour to an hour, and you just have a bit of a breather. I used to play this game with her where I'd go "bet you can't distract me" and then she'd nosh me off while I slowly rolled a cig/spliff.

>>69852

Nah they were durex. They were the emergency condoms for in case she hadn't had her pill though, so they had been in the bedside drawer for about a year.

>>69853

Don't date people you don't trust, and especially don't put your dick in people you don't trust. If you're the kind of person who doesn't trust anyone, relationships are not for you.

>>69854
>DON'T DATE PEOPLE YOU DON'T TRUST, AND ESPECIALLY DON'T PUT YOUR DICK IN PEOPLE YOU DON'T TRUST. IF YOU'RE THE KIND OF PERSON WHO DOESN'T TRUST ANYONE, RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT FOR YOU.

If a woman wants to have a baby she will have a baby. It happens all the time.